Canada's Supreme Court appointment process requires a decade of legal practice, screening by a non-partisan advisory board, and final selection by an independent committee of retired judges and scholars. The speaker argues the system's emphasis on merit, bilingualism, gender balance, and regional diversity is tokenistic, and claims it lets the governing party stack the court with ideologically aligned judges.
Chapters
Oh great, great, great, just what we need right now, a vacancy on the Supreme Court of Canada. The whole Canadian system is nonsense. First of all, candidates have to be real judges or lawyers, and we can't even fix that because judges are not elected in Canada anywhere. So they have to have a decade at the bar or time on the Superior Court. That is terrible. Do you understand? That would mean most of Twitter could not qualify. Then we get our pick, right? Oh, then there's an advisory board. Fine, whatever. Like, there's no politicians at all? A nonpartisan panel of legal experts and community members. They meet and review applications and hand the Prime Minister shortlist. Finally, the party in charge gets to put its thumb on the— wait, it goes to another independent committee? Of who? A retired judge, two legal scholars, and some non-lawyer members of the public? Okay, but then they can pick someone based on political ideology, right? Here we go. Merit-based, bilingual, and must reflect Canada's diversity. Whatever. There are hearings, right? We'll score political points. We'll get those gotcha moments for TikTok. Yes, there are hearings. Okay, the leader of our party in charge Get it? What? Oh, it's an independent law professor in charge? Fine, whatever. We still get to grill them, right? Questions are limited to the nominee's background, qualifications, and judicial philosophy. Neither personal political opinions or how they would rule on hypothetical questions are permitted. It's fine, whatever, because if our party is in the majority, we just confirm whoever we want. We pack it. The parliamentary Q&A is non-binding. We pick our own people, right? We stack it with people who think like us. It just— it has to be geographically dist— geographically bal— I guess we have to have like an equal number of men and women. Come on. But they could stay in office until they die, right? Oh no, they have to leave when they're 75. This is what happens, people, when a country goes woke. Anarchy! Peaceful, orderly anarchy! We need to look to the real patriots on this planet who know how to govern. Like our friends down south. They rule based on what's white— excuse me, what's right. The commies here are taking over. Today it's fairness and balance in a nation of laws based on equity, not power. Next, those Antifa furries will start forcing French onto everything! Okay, I think that was good. That's some of that juice there. Oh, for fuck—
