A tourist boards a cruise ship to find every passenger watching State of Origin, the intense rugby rivalry between Queensland and New South Wales. Wearing the wrong team's colors gets him called a slur and forced to change shirts. He ends up emotionally invested, even developing a crush on Queensland player Jai Arrow.
Chapters
This whole boat is empty. I don't mean everyone's at the buffet empty, I mean ghost ship empty. The people have vanished. Did I sleep through disembarkation? No, I did not. The State of Origin is on and everyone on this ship is out on the main deck watching it. The main deck. The balcony of the balcony. For my fellow Canadians, the State of Origin is not a new Marvel movie or a government form you complete before applying for dual citizenship. It's football. Rugby-er, footy-er, sporty-ball, whatever the hell they call it here. As far as I've been able to figure out, it is a vicious grudge match between Queensland and New South Wales. Why? Because decades ago, one state poached players from the other, and the trauma has festered like an open wound. So in this series, they play for the team of their home, not for their regular team. It's like the World Cup for hockey, you know, that competition that Canada wins but nobody remembers. It seems to be a very angry game of keep away. The rules are completely nonsense. It is a best out of 3 series, but even if one team wins the first 2, they still play out the last game even though the series is over. Well, we booked the arena, goddammit, we're gonna use it. I don't know why I'm suddenly Scottish. There aren't any downs. The way the rules are written is they keep the ball in play until 6 players have received concussions. I will say they are very sweaty. They play in knee-high socks and tight little shorts. Halfway through the first half, I found myself fanning my face with a drinks menu and questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. And then, this is the cutest part, a touchdown is called a try. Like, we tried. Nah, little guy, you did it! I did make one huge mistake though. I wore a blue shirt this morning, the color for New South Wales. This ship left from Queensland. That apparently made me, in their native tongue, a cunt. Which all along I thought was a term of endearment here, but the woman who said it threw her prawn cocktail at me, so I assume it was unkind. So I changed into a red shirt, which made me a baliwag yammy dingo lickers. Might be a compliment, might be a call to arms, I still do not understand these people. Anyway, I started the day wondering where everyone went, and now I'm emotionally invested in a game that I do not understand, cheering for a state I've never been to, and low-key developing a crush on someone named Jai Arrow. I am not okay.
