In this YouTube video, Speaker A delivers a satirical, historically‑anchored monologue that begins with a recounting of the 1947 Canadian chocolate‑bar price hike and the nationwide kid‑led protests that forced a dramatic sales drop. He then draws a parallel between that grassroots success and today’s telecom landscape, arguing that three dominant carriers—Rogers, Bell, and Telus—function as a modern protection racket that charges Canadians some of the world’s highest wireless rates. The speaker criticises government inaction, mocks the “Big Three” branding, and urges viewers to channel the collective outrage of the past using social media and consumer boycotts to demand affordable, unlimited plans. The segment ends with a rallying call that consumer power can still reshape markets. Speaker B follows with a brief, lyrical interlude celebrating a beloved figure named Madison, presented in a playful, affectionate tone that contrasts with the preceding satire.
Chapters
In 1947, the Canadian chocolate bar industry was mostly controlled by just 3 companies. And all 3, on the same day, April 25th, raised the price of their chocolate bars by 60%, from 5 cents to 8 cents. All 3, the same day, with no notice. A little sus. Here, in the Vancouver Island town of Ladysmith, The local kids thought that it was sus too, and on that same day, they started a protest. Every day at lunch, they would march outside the local café, and then word spread. 4 days later in Victoria, 200 kids stormed the provincial legislature. On the mainland, a group took to their bikes and blocked the Kingsway thoroughfare. Edmonton, 300 kids marched down Jasper Avenue. They got a police escort for that. Toronto, a few days later, 500 kids blocked Bloor Street. Montreal, Ottawa, Calgary, Quebec City. On Parliament Hill, they were led by 10 buglers and carried signs reading, "We'll eat worms before we eat 8-cent chocolate bars." Sales of chocolate bars fell by a reported 80%. During the Winnipeg protest, it was said that not a single chocolate bar was sold in the city that day. We used to be good at protesting injustice in this country. And then something happened. Take cell phone plans. We have never been able to get a cell phone plan that doesn't make us feel like we're financing a small yacht for some executive in Toronto. God forbid I want to stream an entire episode of Schitt's Creek without putting my kidney on Kijiji. Canadian wireless rates are among the highest in the developed world. We pay double, sometimes triple what people in Europe pay. In France, $20 will get you unlimited data, unlimited calling, and a baguette. In Canada, $20 gets you 3 text messages and a very strongly worded letter from Telus telling you to calm the fuck down. And even with those prices, I still can't drive from Nanaimo to Victoria without reception dropping out 12 times. In this country, like the chocolate industry 80 years ago, 3 companies control everything: Rogers, Bell, and Telus. We call them the Big Three, like they're kind of a majestic sports dynasty. But really, they're just The Sopranos with better branding. Why, if my channel weren't satire and protected under fair dealing laws, I'd suggest they've carved up Canada into a protection racket. Good thing I'm not suggesting that. Rogers gets Ontario, Bell gets Quebec, Telus grabs the West, and if you live in the Maritimes, you're being simultaneously screwed over by all three. And sure, every few years Ottawa comes around and says they're gonna fix it, Competition Bureau this, CRTC that, but nothing ever changes. The government says we're making progress and the Big Three just smile and raise the price of roaming and buy another hockey team. And then I assume they all go golfing. We like to think of ourselves as polite, but somewhere along the way we confused polite with pushover. We'll grumble at the till, complain on Facebook, and then quietly pay up. But there is a solution to this. And it comes from our American imports. Americans have had cheap, unlimited internet plans since the 1800s. So my American friends, in return for a safe place to live with universal healthcare, here's what we need you to do. When you call to get a cell phone plan and they tell you the price, you say this: What? Oh, hell no! Because we can't. We're not built that way. Even though the few times we have fought back against gouging, We've often won. That kids' chocolate strike, it spooked the industry. An executive from the Moores Chocolate Company raced to a CBC studio to defend the price increase. The Willards Chocolate Company published a full-page ad in the Toronto Star with the headline, "5-cent chocolate bars just aren't possible now." Corporations don't stop when they've taken enough. They stop when we stop buying what they're selling. If thousands of kids in the '40s could rally against a 2-cent chocolate bar hike with nothing more than shoe leather and handwritten signs, what excuse do we have? With smartphones in our pockets and social networks at our fingertips, surely we can muster outrage over a phone plan that costs more than a week's groceries? Over grocery stores being full of California lettuce? Over banks charging record fees while posting record profits. Over Indigenous communities still waiting for clean drinking water. Or emergency rooms closing because we don't pay nurses enough. There are a lot of great things about this country. But there's also a lot of room to do better. And foreign shareholders cashing dividend cheques are not going to be the ones to do it.
Have you seen my baby? She's not a dame nor a lady. Not in the way she walks, the way she talks, or the way she loves me. Just look at me. I'm like a monkey in a coconut tree. You know I'm overjoyed, 'cause boy, oh boy, she's mine. Yeah. She asked me when I say let's go out dancing. Plays on my phone, waste my time with phone rings. Madison, she's wild, she's funny, doesn't care about clothes or money. She just cares for me, she's all I need, she's my cat.
