A furious takedown of U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra for diplomatic incompetence toward Canada. The speaker cites his false claims about no-go zones in the Netherlands, his dismissal of fact-checks as fake news, and his tone-deaf demand that Canadian business leaders pitch themselves to the U.S. like salesmen.
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This fucking goof again? This is Pete "Chucklehead" Hoekstra, the ambassador the Americans have foisted on us. Yesterday, Trump hilariously said the US doesn't need anything from Canada. Apparently he fell asleep during the briefings about what would happen to America if we pulled crude oil, electricity, potash, and aluminum for 72 hours. Then today, Chucklehead here told a room full of business leaders that Canada should put on its sales hat and pitch the US on doing business with them. Sir, are you okay? This is the diplomatic equivalent of someone backing over your mailbox, getting out of the truck, and then handing you a brochure on driveway safety. Listen, Chucklehead, your government, the one you speak for, has insulted our leaders, threatened to annex us, and is trying to cripple us economically. If we could physically move our country away from you and graft ourselves onto Australia, we'd do it in a heartbeat. At least they know how to make good coffee. Now I know that was a lot of syllables in a row for you, so I'll put it simpler. Go fuck yourself. Let's not forget, this is not Chucklehead's first rodeo on remarkable performances on foreign soil. When he was ambassador to the Netherlands, he claimed claimed on camera that there were no-go zones and bad people were burning cars everywhere. I'll let you guess what group were the bad people. When a Dutch journalist confronted him about these claims, he called them fake news. The journalist then played him the video clip of himself saying those exact same things. He then said he hadn't called it fake news despite having just done so on camera 30 seconds earlier. Look, I get it, okay? Ambassadors are political appointments. They're not always road scholars or with career diplomats, but usually there's a fucking floor. A bare minimum of "Can you not embarrass everyone in the room intentionally twice in the same month?" Chucklehead here cleared that bar like it was a limbo stick at a toddler's birthday party. You know what a good ambassador does? They read the room. They understand that when your boss has spent 6 months calling our country a burden, maybe the play isn't to waltz into a ballroom full of Canadian executives and tell them to try harder. Hostage negotiators don't tell the hostages to work on their attitude. Maybe figure out your own shit before you come up here and tell us how to manage ours. No, we're not putting on a sales hat. We're not putting any hat on that you hand us. The last time we trusted your hat recommendations, you put tariffs on them. Prime Minister, please remove this chucklehead.
