Writing my next video

Welcome to the live video. We are— you are hopefully going to help me write this because I'm bad at writing things by myself. So come along for the journey. I'm close. I've got part of it written. I just don't know what to do with this. I I feel like I've got like the gem of the idea, but not, but not the whole idea, you know, if that makes any sense. So we'll see. We'll see. Hopefully all of these have activated. Do I have to sign in? I don't think I have to sign in. Oh, maybe I have to sign in. Shoot. Maybe I've done this wrong. Sorry folks, bear with me. I'm bad at internetting, as you can see. So that's Twitch. Apparently I'm supposed to be logging in. Anyway, I'm working on a piece about, about Canadian Tire because I've noticed, and maybe you have as well, that as soon as you step foot into a Canadian Tire, you lose all cell signal. Signal. Like, it just goes away. So that's kind of what this is about. Um, I feel like I am signed in. Why is this doing this to me? Uh, sorry folks, what I'm doing right now is I'm just setting up the system that lets me see your comments because I am incapable of basic stuff. Stuff. That's not being shown on stream, is it? No? Okay, good. I thought I was just exposing my password there. That would be bad. So yeah, I mean, the general gist of it so far is that it's— is that it is a secret security area or something like that. I haven't officially figured it all out. And I'm struggling with it, is the actual truth. I am struggling with— with this one. I've had this one in my, like, list of ideas that I want to do for videos. I've had it in there for, like, months. And every time I want to do it, it's because I know I'm going to Canadian Tire soon. I know that I'm going to go to Canadian Tire, and so I want to record it at Canadian Tire, which they will not let me do, obviously, because, you know, they don't want you doing stuff like that. Um, but I always operate under the ask for forgiveness afterwards. Hey Dwight! Okay, so I can see YouTube. That's good. Might be specific to your most visited store, huh? I do not understand. Okay, so have I activated— so I know YouTube is working. If you're watching anywhere else, can you just say hello in the comments so that I can see? May have to say activate source. I don't know, I still, I still do not fully understand how this works. Activate source. Hello, Karen. Oh, thank you, Instagram. Thank you, Sue. Okay, all right, thank you, folks. All right, so now Facebook. Facebook, check in if you're here on Facebook. If you can see me on Facebook, please say hello. Please say something in the chat so that I can see. I know that I'm live on Facebook, I just don't know that I can see any of the comments from Facebook. That is, that is what we are struggling with right now. So if you are on Facebook and are willing to type something in the comments, that would help. Maybe I have to be, maybe I have to be in this mode. There are comments on Facebook. I'm just trying to— yes, there are. I'm just trying to see them is the problem. Uh, so keep session, and I want to activate the source. So I can see Instagram, I can see YouTube. Bernie, I can see you. Dwight, I can see you. I've seen several. Oh, I can see Margaret! Thank you. Okay, aye, Facebook is up, Facebook is up. We are good. Uh, now if anyone on TikTok— TikTok, it's your turn. Maybe I have to activate— oh, you know what, I have to click connect TikTok WebSocket. What the living hell is that? Then there's TikTok. Okay, I think we got— I think we got everyone. Thanks for your patience. Uh, so I am writing my, uh, my, my next video, or a video not necessarily next video, but a video. Hey, Hot Flash Annie, welcome. I recognize you. I recognize a bunch of you. So yeah, I am— let me turn off the music. It's too distracting for me. So yeah, I write all of my scripts in Apple Notes. Here are some other ones. I'm working on a script about the national anthem, the history of the national anthem. Mostly because people keep saying, oh, you know, it's terrible because the national anthem, they changed their lyrics and now it says, in all of us command. As it turns out, those were actually close to the real lyrics, the original lyrics. Why am I hearing myself echoing? Okay, we're just going to mute it. Can you guys hear the echo? I don't know why. I hear myself echoing. I hope you guys can't hear me echoing. I hope that is not something that I've screwed up. So yeah, so this is— no, you can't? Okay, good. Great, great. Perfect. So, um, so yeah, this is the— it's mostly just research at this point. So there's a secret project which I can't share with you. I will say this though. Excuse me. That I just got a quote from my photographer, my videographer friend. The video quote is $1,500 for what I want to do, but this is gonna be a really cool video and I really want to do it. This is how I'm spending some money. I'm doing a video about the word scooch. I am not happy with this script as it is right now. I'm thinking about doing another Canadian insults. Of some kind. So here are some other ones. Oh, I feel like I've done gong show already. So anyway, sketch. Things are a little sketch. That's a little sketch. Numpty fuck is a great one. I don't know what that means. Someone says that double double no lid is— I've already done hoser and hose head. Someone says double double no lid Which, if that's real, if people actually use that, is kind of hilarious, honestly. And then here's like my master list of ideas that I'm working on. But we are working on this one, the Canadian Tire script. Do I use a PC or Mac? I use a Mac. I record on my phone. I use a teleprompter app. So I record on my phone using a teleprompter app. And then I transfer it to my Mac, which is a MacBook Pro M4 Max with 2 terabytes and whatever the upgraded chip of the Max is. Anyway, it's basically the fastest MacBook Pro you can get. I got that. Isn't that great? He's a double double no lid. I don't know why. I kind of love it. What is the teleprompter app? It is called— it's literally just called Teleprompter. But it has— let me see if I can show you. Is there anything I don't want to— it's all good. It's this icon. It's this orange icon. Oh, God. What's happening? What is happening? Why is it doing that? Oh, it's messing up. It's trying to— it's this orange color. It's that one. Before it disappears into the ether. That's so weird. So it's just called Teleprompter. I appear to be somehow grandfathered into— like, they're all horrible because they're all— they're all subscription-based, and they're all horrifically subscription-based, you know, like they're terrible. They're like $8.99 a week. But somehow I got grandfathered in on this one or something, and it's like— God, it's doing a terrible job of cutting me out of the background, isn't it? And so it hasn't charged me, and it seems to be working fine. It has— one of the nice things about it that I like is that it has a feature where it will listen to you and it'll scroll, it'll like It's not just a standard scroll. It actually is like listening to your words, and like, if you stop, it'll stop. And if you're right, if you start speaking fast, it'll speak faster and catch up to you. But it has a bug where if it's a fairly long script, it starts to lose track, and it puts where your words are, it scrolls past it too fast. It's kind of a pain. What are all these icons for? I don't know. Have you seen Tim Hortons is partnering with Barbie? I have not. I'm not surprised that they chose a very American brand to partner with, to be perfectly honest. But all right, let's see what happens when I turn off— when I turn off the background hiding. That's what it really looks like behind me. That is why we're doing this. Actually, you know what? I have a better one I can use. Oops, hang on. I've got this island one, which is nice, but I kind of dig this one. This is, uh, Michael Scott staring at me. So yeah, anyway, that's where we are. We do have very strange insults, don't we? So it's an— I think it means the person's an idiot. Double double no lid. I think it means they're an idiot. Oh shoot, I shouldn't have meant— I'm not supposed to move this. If I move it, bad things happen. Hang on, I should move my OBS over here. Damn it, I was not supposed to move that window. Okay, there we go. We're good. And I'll put this over here. So here's what I have so far. I'm not hide— I'm not proud of it so far. I like the idea. I just haven't— so far, this is what we got. It is the greatest mystery in Canadian history. Why the hell do we lose all cell reception the second we step foot into a Canadian Tire. Tell me I'm wrong. You could be in the middle of downtown Toronto, 10,000 towers blasting radiation to your head, and the minute you cross that automatic sliding door— the minute you cross that— that's too many words— the minute you cross that sliding door— that's not the right verb, but whatever— you may as well be on the dark side. After diligent research, some of which may have involved edibles, I have the answer. Each Canadian Tire is in fact sitting on top of a backup NORAD station. So even that isn't Funny. "You think the randomness of the store is an accident? No, it's camouflage. Tools beside the hockey skates, Christmas decorations beside the car batteries, a live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy and— and all on purpose to keep you from knowing the secret entrance, which I have on good authority is the seasonal aisle." Also not funny. The setup is funny, the payoff is bad. "The real high-tech is in the fishing section. Those racks of lures? Not for fish. They're miniature 5G blockers, every one tuned to a frequency that scrambles your phone." That's why they shimmer under the fluorescent lights. It's not reflection, it's interference. Hello, Patricia. Look at their logo, a triangle. You know what else used a triangle? The Communications Security Establishment Canada, basically Canada's version of the American NSA. This is true, actually, up until the mid-2000s. Why did it change? Because in 2005, Canadian Tire announced— this is where it starts to go off the rails— announced its exclusive partnership with Debbie Travis, and soon after introduced the Debbie Travis paint palette, which contained the color FF91AF, known as the Baker-Miller Pink. The thing they use in prisons to keep populations under control because these NORAD centers include fallout shelters. You know what I mean? Like, like the concept, I think I haven't decided if it's just going to be a list of crazy theories or if I'm going to double down on— if I'm going to double down on this, this thing about them being NORAD shelters. The fallout shelters thing is a reference to Fallout, the video game and now TV series. I don't know, maybe the whole thing is actually references Fallout that would still work if you don't know what Fallout is. That's the thing, it has to still work even if you don't know what Fallout is. Instead of NORAD shelters, what about remote CSIS locations? I don't know. Part of it is that like a good chunk of my audience are Americans and they may not know what CSIS is. They won't know what CSIS is. Oh, that's what that is. It's my microphone. I was wondering what kept doing that in the thing. So, like, I think Americans will know what NORAD is. I don't know. Backup NORAD. It falls apart right here. It falls apart on the premise of the joke. Each Canadian tire is in fact Seeing on top of a fallout shelter, of a secret government fallout shelter. This whole, this whole thing about the color Just ran, ran off. The reason this Debbie Travis thing is here is I was trying to find something in Canadian Tire, real Canadian Tire history, that, that happened in the mid-2000s, which is genuinely when the communications security establishment moved away from the triangle as their logo. Like, I have to do something with the Canadian Tire triangle. But the only thing they did in the mid-2000s was this dumb Debbie Travis thing. So, I don't know. What about stables for the RCMP? I don't know. I don't know. Nuclear fallout shelter. Fallout is, yeah, Fallout is a first-person shooter game. It's a single-player. It's an RPG. It's amazing. If you know Skyrim, it's by the same company that did Skyrim. It's Bethesda. It's what— it's my favorite video game of all time. I don't know when Kidsport did that. Yeah, Canadian Tire money's got a feature in here as well, although it doesn't exist anymore, right? They're all points now. So yeah, that's a good point. Canadian Tire money, add that in there somehow. And the Canadian Tire money chemically treated all this time. Chemically treated all this time to track our movements. I don't know. Like, maybe this isn't the gag. Just moved to North Vancouver from the Bay Area. Nice. Welcome, Holly. I used to live in North Vancouver briefly. North Vancouver is a weird city in Vancouver. So North Vancouver is not the north end of Vancouver, which we don't really have a name for. I guess downtown. North Vancouver is across the water. And it is its own municipality. In fact, there are two North Vancouver's, if I'm correct. There is the City of North Vancouver and the District of North Vancouver. And they're both essentially the same area, but they have like different mayors and different councils. And West Vancouver is also not in the city of Vancouver. It is— it's where the fancy people live. The fancy people. Can you tie in a beaver somewhere? That's not a bad idea. Where would I put a beaver? I mean, I've got a— I've got a raccoon in here, a live raccoon in aisle 17. I generally prefer to use raccoons over beavers. It's— beavers are so are such an obvious stereotype. Look at the logo, a triangle, you know what I mean? Maybe we stop right here. A triangle. You know what else uses a triangle? You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Is that true? Let me Google that. Illuminati logo. Yes, it does. Oh, of course it has that famous eye. That famous eye thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what else uses it? The Illuminati. Please tell me. Illumin— the Illuminati. Look at their logo, a triangle. You know what else uses a triangle? Used a triangle to communicate. Doesn't use it anymore. It is a pyramid. Yeah, I get— well, a pyramid's a triangle though. You know, this is a triangle. The Illuminati. It's all making sense now, isn't it? Just watch your video about the senator from Maine wanting to join the US. Thank you. I had fun with that one. That one is proving to be fairly lucrative in terms of ad revenue. So it's getting— it's almost getting It's very funny, you know, what happens is that my primary audience is Canada, but then after a few days, I think it gets spread like around Facebook shares or something like that, and the US a couple of days later will pick up on my videos, and then, you know, America's got 10 times the population we do, so that helps. Also, how many times do you get to say— get to start a video by saying this Fucking goof. And Canadian— the Canadian Tire— and the Canadian Tire money— money whispered, it was never money. Chemically treated all this time to track our movements. Secret government fallout shelter. So if I'm gonna do the fallout thing here— what is that in the background? A guy in a suit? This is, uh, this is, uh— come on, people, tell him! Tell, tell him or her! Daniela! Probably her, maybe they. Tell Daniela who this is. Come on, people. Facebook people. Facebook people have to tell Daniela, by the way. Daniela is on Facebook. This is Michael Scott from The Office. This shot is— it's actually more like this— is a very typical kind of shot from The Office. It's where they're being interviewed. Could you write something about the Legion? I give permission as a Legion member. I don't know if it works. And also, I don't want to make fun of the Legion. I love what the Legion does and stands for. I don't want to— yeah, it's The Office. It's the American Office, correct? It's Steve Carell. Each Canadian tire is in fact sitting on a secret government fallout shelter. Designed to conduct psychological experiments on the public. So that is the plot of Fallout. That is the lore of Fallout. Part of the problem with these videos that I find is that, like, if this were TV or even radio— yeah, you're right, the British one was way better. Well, different. I guess a different— I don't know if it's better, but different. Part of the— part of the issue with these videos, if I was writing for TV, then you have a lot more leeway with what you can do in the first few seconds because people are kind of stuck watching. But here you're just a thumb swipe away. So like, I want to grab people right away and I don't want to lose them on this. On this fallout thing. The greatest— so you have to be like really judicious with your— the greatest mystery in Canadian, the greatest mystery in Canada, the greatest Canadian mystery. Why do we lose cell reception the second we step foot in— see what I mean? Like just shaving off words keeps people around somehow. They have a scent. They have a scent to them. Canadian Tires have a scent. Is that true? The greatest Canadian mystery: why do we lose cell— why do we all lose cell the second we step into a foot— the greatest Canadian mystery. This Why do we all, the second we step foot into a Canadian Tire, even Tell Me I'm Wrong needs to be cut, right? You'd be in, you could be in downtown Toronto, 10,000 towers blasting radiation at your head, and the minute you cross that sliding door, you may as well be on the dark side. After diligent research, some of which, some of, some of which research isn't some Part of which may have involved edibles. Dana says, "I sent your Operation Goose Fury to some friends who live in Vermont, and they said they'll leave the doors to the state open so we can come and rescue them and make them Canadian." Uh, I do like Vermont. Isn't that where Bernie is from? Bernie's from Vermont, right? I'm told that I can, with this tool, put a put a highlight of— I can highlight feature chat overlay. That's it. Copy link. Options. Do I want options? No. That I can make an overlay on OBS so I can highlight certain comments. Let's see if that's possible or a lie. Comment highlight. Let's click. Yeah, it does nothing. I mean, maybe it's pepcac. I don't know. Oh, oh wait. Oh yeah, there it works. It works. It's too low there, isn't it? I could just put it in front of my face. Hey, I like that. I like that. That's cool. All right. We'll fix the, the look of it later. I love the Nanaimo bars from Coombs Market Bakery. Goats on a Roof. Canadian Tire smells one part— hang on, I'll use this. Canadian Tire smells one part— wow, that's really big— one part cleaning products, equal portions of hardware and housewares, and two parts automotive products. Unless you go to the seasonal greenhouse, then it's just— all right. After diligent research which involved edibles— after diligent research which involved edibles, which may have— there it is— which may have involved edibles, I have the answer. Each Canadian tire is in fact sitting on top of a secret government fallout shelter designed to conduct psychological experiments on the public. ChatGPT has an answer as to why what? As an answer as to why it can— Canadian Tire stinks. That's terrifying. Coombs is not a place, it's a vibe. Absolutely true. Absolutely true. What is that thirst trap photo of yours on there, Girl Pirate? Geez. You gads. I have the answer. Each getting tired. You think the randomness of the store is an accident? It's camouflage. See, even just like words like no, I've learned like you've got to just be brutal. Tools beside hockey skate— tools beside hockey skates. Decorations beside See, I also want— kind of want the rhythm. Da, one syllable. Hockey states. Batteries. So I need a one syllable word here. Tools beside hockey rinks. What else did they say? What else is gonna be an entire cell that's one syllable? Guns. Maybe if it rhymes— something that rhymes. What's a one-syllable word that rhymes with tools that Canadian Tire sells? I freaked. What? I freaked when a friend showed me you can look up a Canadian Tire product on your phone and an aisle button will flash. I'm sorry, wait, what? Are you saying that an— are you saying that when you're in Canadian Tire, there's a light on the aisles and the aisles will flash. Pools. Pools beside bat— tools beside hockey skates, pools beside batteries. Pools. I like pools. Spools. Spool— pools is better. I think it's camouflage. Tools beside hockey skates, pools beside batteries. And then just squashing the rhyming sequence with like, "And a live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy. And all designed to keep you from knowing the secret entrances, which I have on good authority are the seasonal aisles." "CC's in the aisles" isn't funny either. Wait, if you choose— there's no way this is true. If you choose the product on your phone, you can hit a button on the product page and the locator button will flash on the aisle. I need confirmation of this, people. Is this true or am I being trolled? If this is true, that's amazing. That is such a great idea. Holy moly. Thank you for following, Robert. Pools is funnier considering water and electricity, uh, don't mix. That's actually an excellent point. That's actually an excellent point. Tools beside hockey skates, pools beside batteries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A live raccoon on aisle 17. It's anarchy and all designed It's anarchy, but all designed— and all designed to keep you from knowing the secret entrances. Hello, Down Under! I have like an Australian contingent of people that follow me, because we were in Melbourne and Cairns. Cairns? Looks like Cairns, pronounced Cairns. All right, we'll come back to that. The real high— I'm more or less happy with this one. The real high tech is in the fish— The real high-tech is the fishing section. Those racks of lures? Not for fish. They're miniatur— they're not even miniature. They're 5G blockers. Every one tuned to a frequency that scrambles your phone. That's why they shimmer under fluorescent lights. It's not reflection. It's interference. What if Andrew says we're under the plumbing aisle? That's funnier. You're right. Thank you. Are under the plumbing, are in the plumbing, are at the back of the plumbing aisles, which are beside the— hey, Vengeance, someone is on Twitch! Uh, which have the secret entrances are beside the— beside the— at the back of the plumbing house. Just too long. In the plumbing house. We'll come back to that. It's kind of random, but I wanted to say That you have really nice eyes. Thank you very much. Is that what I thought you said? I don't know why I thought you were saying something else when I clicked that. Maybe you're in a bigger city store than my small town store that may or may not have the item. Yeah. All right. Secret entrance by the mechanic pit. I don't know if people will know what a mechanic pit is. Look at their logo. A triangle. You know what else uses a triangle? The communications Security Establishment. That's Canada's version of the NSA. You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Oh, it's— yeah, I need to do— oh, it's all making sense now, isn't it? Maybe, maybe now we just need some rapid-fire Rapid fire jokes. Wait, how do I highlight this? How do I highlight this? Okay, you won't be able to see this. I'm just going to watch this TikTok to see if this is actually okay. Here's this guy. Stop. Why is this doing this? It's covering up the All right, there's two lights on the right-hand side. How do I highlight this? Oh, why is it giving my audio? Product, when you go onto the Canadian Tire website, okay, then click— you won't be able to see this. Damn. Okay, I don't know why it's echoing like that. I don't know what audio— so wait, oh, I see. So it's— so it— so, okay, so it's those little, you know, those— I think they call them shelf talkers, you know, those little, um Price tags, they flash. I did. I really didn't know that. That is super cool. That is really, really cool. All right, back to this. So maybe we make these bullet points. Canadian Tire money. It was never— it was chemically treated. Chemically treated tracking devices. Is there a random, uh, hot dog cart outside CG locations? There is, certainly in here in Nanaimo there is. It's not even funny though. Canadian Tire money. It was never about money. Chemically treated all this time to track our movement. It's not funny. The real high tech at the fishing section. Why would they be handing out Canadian Tire money to people? That would be a bad, like, a creepy thing. Oh, I see trackers in the hot dogs. Oh yeah, okay, hang on, let's put this here. Canadian Tire money. Chemically treated to track our movements. The hot dog stand outside surveillance. Now you guys are gonna see how bad a speller I am in real life. Surveillance. Those Those aren't Smokies. And then just leave it at that. Those aren't— what else is there? Those aren't— those aren't pop cans. Um, hot dog stand outside surveillance. Those aren't Smokies. Those aren't— those aren't donuts. And roll my eyes. That's not— that's not a ketchup bottle. That's not— or maybe we just leave it there. Canadian Tire money, chemically treated to track our movement. The hot dog stand outside, surveillance. And then if I can get one more that's short. Do they have greeters? They don't really have greeters, do they? The greeter. The hole in the middle of the show. Does the hot dog guy take Canadian Tire money though? I don't think they do. I think they're— I think they're just complete— I don't think they're run by Canadian Tire. I think they're their own thing. The greeter. Do they have greeters? Do they have greeters at Canadian Tire? We don't have a Canadian Tire gas station where we are, so I'm guessing that's not a hot dog— hot dog code. Oh, it's a code. Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe the greeter is surveillance. They do allow dogs inside. Oh, dogs inside. Dogs inside cover. Dog drug sniffing. Okay, we'll come back to that. Oh yeah, they still have Frank Brand. They still have Frank Brand everything. The dog's inside waiting to pickpocket you. Chemically— Canadian Tire money chemically treated to track our movements. Hot dog stand outside. The greeter surveillance. Hot dog stand outside. First warning. First. Hmm. Sometimes you have greeters. They're trying to get you to sign up for credit cards. Oh, they're the timeshare of the Canadian industry. Yeah, I don't know that I've seen a greeter myself, so I don't know that that joke would work. Maybe it would and people would just assume that there would be chemically treated. The greeter, surveillance. The hot dog stand outside, those aren't hot dogs. Maybe I just— those aren't hot dogs. Those aren't smokies. Like, I don't know, maybe it doesn't have to make sense. Canadian Tire money, chemically treated to track our movements. The greeter, so this is going to be a little faster than the hot dog stand outside. Those aren't smokies. The greeter, no. Oops. Reader surveillance. Hot dog stand outside. Those aren't smokies. Full body scan as you walk past the turnstile. Oh, maybe it's like— maybe the hot dog stand is like an x-ray. Yeah, maybe it's like you walk by it. Hot dog stand outside, it's an x-ray machine. Can you entire money chemically treated to track our movements? The greeter, surveillance. The hot dog stand outside, it's an x-ray machine. Do I have to spell this out for you. I feel like I need to bring the losing cell phone signal joke back. Why has surveillance cameras with video screens overhead? No, I could put something about the cameras, you know. It's actually a machine. Security cameras in the ceiling. Do I have to— yeah. Cane tire money, chemically treated to track our movements. The greeter, surveillance. The hot dog stand outside, it's an x-ray machine. Security cameras in the ceiling. Do I have to spell this out for you? It's okay. The x-ray machine is, is a little What about when they fix your car, they put a tracker on your car because they phased out the money? I don't want to get too far away from the, from the initial concept of it, which is, which is why we lose cell signal. Is it— they don't want you to have cell signal, have cell service. Hello, Sean. As long as they don't play music in the store. Same, dude. I've had tremendous reception at Canadian Tire. Oh yeah, none of my jokes are based in fact. None of my work is real. Everything is an exaggeration and a stereotype. So yeah, my Canadian Tire, I genuinely lose signal, and I think people will get the joke, but it's not meant to be 100% factual. I'm sure there are some Canadian Tires where you do not lose cell signal. Something about Sandy McTire, the Thrifty Scotsman, featured on Canadian Tire Money. I don't know that people will, will get that. I didn't know the topic is cell phone coverage. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I need to bring it back to the cell phone coverage. Um, why the greatest Canadian mystery? Why do we— why we all lose out the second we set foot in You mean down from Toronto? Which available? I have the answer. Each Canadian tire is— let me drop that— is sitting on top of a secret designed— as much as I'm just gonna have to put this back to NORAD. As much as I'd love to have the Fallout references in it, it's just, it takes it away from people who don't— who— people who don't know that this is a Fallout game reference. They don't want you to have self-service. You think the randomness of the store is an accident? It's camouflage. Tools behind hockey sticks, pools beside batteries, a live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy, and all designed to keep you from knowing the secret entrances, from finding the secret entrances. Which, which, by the way, Oh, hang on, this is where— this is the— which aren't even in the stores at all. Why do you think there's a hot dog stand outside? Yeah, okay, there we go. So we put the hot dog stand over here. Lots of signals due to concrete block walls. Yeah, for real. This is the actual answer, of course. The actual answer is that you're in a giant cement Faraday cage, right? Because you're in a big cement block. And this is not specific to Canadian Tire. The reason it's a joke with Canadian Tire is that Canadian Tire just happens to be a large retailer. I'm sure this happens in Walmarts as well. But it's just not as funny to say Walmart. I don't know. So yeah, that is why. It is because it is full of— you are in a karate cage. Anarchy? I didn't spell anarchy wrong, did I? No. Which aren't even in the stores at all. Why do you think there's a hot dog stand outside? The real high tech is efficient. Just stop this. The fishing section, those racks of lures, not for fish. They're 5G blockers. Everyone tuned to a frequency that scrambles your phone. That's why they shimmer under fluorescent lights. It's not reflection, it's interference. Look at their logo, a triangle. You know what else uses a triangle? Communication. That's Canada's version. You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Oh, it's all making sense now, isn't it? So I have to bring it back here about the cell signal. Oh. They block cell reception to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. The blinking aisle trick makes you wander the aisles for hours trying it out on the only site you can get on your phone. Oh, it's you with the spell check. I get it. To keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. Can you tie your money? It was chemically— it was chemically treated to track our movements. Our movement. Our movements. The greeter. Surveillance. Security cameras in the ceiling. Security cameras all over the store. Do I have to spell this out for you? Why do you think they let dogs inside? So that you don't notice the drug sniffing dogs. See, here I've actually got it paid off at the end. Or maybe they're just begging me to submit. What do I know? So you don't notice the drug sniffing dogs. What else? Where's my other list? I had another list of reasonable jokes. Where is it? Conspiracy. Then half of the stuff— half of the stuff they don't even sell. Half this stuff in there isn't even for sale. It's all for show. 27 types. Of paintbrushes? That's not real. I want to do 22. I tried it. Here's a— excuse me. Here's an Easter egg that I will tell you people that you may not know about. I use the number 22 in a lot of scripts, and it is an homage to This Hour Has 22 Minutes. Which is a great Canadian show from the CBC and where Rick Mercer, I believe, got his start or certainly became famous. And I— a lot of my stuff is inspired by Rick Mercer's rant style. So I try to use 22 in as many videos as I can, just as a nice little way of paying homage. I don't think anyone's— I think one person noticed it actually on a video about the weather. I talked about having 22 layers of sweaters and they got that. See, that's why this is not going to— because 22 layers of sweaters is clearly dumb, but 22 types of paintbrushes is not dumb. So 22. 22. Half the stuff in there isn't for sale. It's all— it's for show. 22 types of pool noodles. That's not real. I miss Rick Mercer too. He's touring right now. Hey, you can go see him. You can buy tickets. He's on tour. That's not real. Well, the original title of the show, um, this was called This Hour Has 60 Minutes. Was that what it was called? What was the name of the CBC show? It was a serious show. It's like a current affair, current affairs show. Um, Googling. This hour has 60 minutes. No, there was a— no, no, no, that's as usual, AI is not helping. I don't know if he's touring in the States. I don't think he's touring in the States. Let's find out. Rick Mercer tour. Edmonton, start— starting in mid-September. Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg, Montreal, Ottawa, Hamilton, Moncton. That's it. I thought there was a Victoria, but maybe it's sold out. Yeah, well, in a half an hour show, you only get 22 minutes because the rest is, is our commercials. So you're right. There is a 60 Minutes. Yeah, that's the American show. But we used to have a current affairs show in like the '70s, I want to say, on the CBC, which was called This Hour Has— let me try perplexity. What is the name of the "Now discontinued show on the CBC which was Current Affairs and called 'This Hour Has Something Minutes.'" Oh, see, now it thinks I'm talking about the— oh, this— there it is! It was called This Hour Has 7 Days. That's what it was. It was a show called This Hour Has 7 Days. And it was like a Fifth Estate, if you're familiar with that, or a W5, which are current affairs shows in Canada. So this, yeah, This Hour Has 7 Days was the name of the show. And so when they were coming up with a comedy show, This Hour Has 22 Minutes. It's a good joke. Joke. Alright, anyway, half the stuff isn't for sale. 22 types of pool noodles, that's not real. That's misdirection. And each— what am I calling them? NORAD shelters. No, satellite NORAD centers, NORAD defense centers, spy NORAD, satellite NORAD. Now, on top of a NORAD listening station. By the way, fun fact, um, in the, uh, I do have a cough, it's chronic, I've had it since I was a kid. In the, um, in the basement of the CBC I think on the C level, which I think is this level 2 stories down, it's been a while since I was in there. Um, there is a, uh, uh, is a room where you can go in the event of, uh, a major disaster and you can broadcast from there. The, the, the CBC building is genuinely a Faraday cage, but the studios— I'm not gonna say most of the studios because they moved a lot of them upstairs, but back when I was broadcasting from there, almost all the radio studios and some of the TV studios as well were underground. The sea level, which I think is like 2 floors down. Certainly the national studios where I was broadcasting, like Sounds Like Canada, The Roundup, all of those were on sea level, I think. So 2 or 3 stories down. Anyway, thanks for coming, Girl Pirate, with the thirst trap photo. Thanks, Mark. I certainly have fun doing it. Rick Mercer absolutely needs a Netflix special, but Netflix is US, so I don't know. I mean, he's probably had a CBC special, right? Can each— can entire city on top of a NORAD listening station. They don't want you to have cell service. I think the randomness of stories come out flush. Tools. Oh, it's all making sense now. They block cell reception to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. To keep us sheeple? Why is it called Canadian Tire? Ooh, ooh, now that's actually an interesting one to play with. That's an interesting one to play with. Why is it called Canadian Tire? Hmm, like what, maybe we can come up with an acronym. You know what this is? This sounds like, this sounds like a, sounds like something we need some AI help for. Come up with the words behind the, whoop, behind, whoop. Whoop, acronym. TIRE. But it must be about secret government security installations. There is a video game on Apple with floppy disk called NORAD. As a Canadian kid, I played it till it dawned on me that if this happened, the fallout would be all over Canada, dude. So I don't like what AI has come up with. Tactical Intelligence Reconnaissance Enclave. That's not bad, actually. Tire. Tactical. What's that? Enclave. It's not a bad idea. Whose idea was this? Where was the tire? Where was the person that had the tire comment? There it is. Marjorie Jackson. Thank you, that's a good one. Transcontinental Intelligence Reconnaissance Enclaves. Transcontinental— whoops. Transcontinental— I don't know, tactical is just faster to say. Tactical Intelligence Reconnaissance is a little Response. Remote enclave. Tactical intelligence. Remote enclave. Response enclave. Tactical intel. I like tactical intelligence. Response establishment. Response. Enclave is 5. Fine. Recon. Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. Recon. Then, then, but does, but then does tactical intelligence recon enclave response enforcement, tactical intelligence response enforcement, tactical intelligence recon. Yeah, that's a good one. Thank you, Dana. Response. Enforcement. TIRE, T-I-R-E, tactical intelligence response enforcement. How are you not seeing this? All right, let's read from the top and let's see what the rhythm sounds like. The greatest Canadian mystery: why we all lose cell reception the second we step foot into a Canadian Tire. Oh wait, there's no way. There's no way, Dana, that you were an intelligence officer in the Canadian Armed Forces. There's no— is that true? Is that true? That is hilarious if that's true. The greatest Canadian mystery: why we all lose cell reception the second we step into a foot into a Canadian Tire. You could be in downtown Toronto, 10,000 towers blasting radiation at your head, and then— wow, that's amazing, Dana. That's so funny. And the minute you cross that sliding door, you may as well be on the dark side of the moon. After diligent research, which may have involved edibles, I have the answer. Each Canadian Tire is secretly sitting above— on top of a— above— above— is secretly sitting above an Orient Listening Station. They don't want you to have cell service. You think the randomness of the stores is an accident? It's camouflage. Tools beside hockey sticks— skates. Pools beside— is there anything that rhymes with hockey skates? 3 syllables? Sometimes Kaggy can help me. 3-syllable words that rhyme with hockey skates. By the way, Kaggle, I love Kaggle. Kaggle is a paid search engine. It's like Google, but I pay $10 a month for it because it's that good. And what I love about it is you can block certain things. Like, you know how every search you do, like literally fucking every search you do, Pinterest comes up in it? You can just block Pinterest. You can just say, never show me a Pinterest result again. Or if you like, if you want like you want news and you don't want to block Fox News, but you don't want it to be as prominent, you can like demote it so it doesn't come up as high. Or if you like really trust the CBC News or CTV or Global or whatever, you can uprank it. It's really, really cool. Masturbates rhyme with hockey skates. Yeah, that's true. Oh, Coffee Mate, Pocky Flakes. Pocky isn't flakes. Pocky used to be a client of mine. Garden Gates, Coffee Mate. Garden gates. Hey Lucy, welcome! Lucy is a member. Say the name again please, Tod. Which, which name? So the word that we're working on— pools beside tools, beside hockey skates, pools beside garden gates, a live raccoon. And I also— the fact that it's The fact that the rhyme just breaks because of the— you don't even need a raccoon in aisle. Oh, no, let's leave live. No, Edward, it's got to be like something that is sold, right? Tools beside hockey skates, pools beside garden gates. Name of the app to eliminate— KagI. K-A-G-I. Hang on. Let me show you. I don't think I'm logged in. Let me log in and then I will show you. Do I log in this way? How do I log in? Flaptic face. Yeah, but it doesn't— I'm on a WestJet flight waiting to leave Calgary. That's so cool. Here's the funny thing about doing this stuff that I have forgot. Like, I used to work for CBC. Some of you know this. I used to be a radio host and my studio was on this level that was underground. And sometimes I'd fill in for On the Roundup. So I was in that studio as well. And you're in a dark room, right? And the only people you see are on the other side of the glass. And there's like maybe 3 of them on the other side of the glass. So that's your day. Is you're upstairs in the offices working on the show, putting it together, then you go down the elevator, you go into this dark room and you forget, you genu— ooh, packing crates. I like that. Thank you. Thank you, Astrid. So you genuinely forget that people are listening to you, if that makes any sense. Like, I know it sounds really stupid, but it's true. You actually forget that people are listening. And so, you know, when people say, "I'm watching you right now," on my TV in Germany. I'm like, how am I on a TV? Oh yeah, I guess that's possible. Okay, hang on, where was that last one? Packing crates, garden gate, much better. Packing crates is much better. Tools beside hockey skates, pools. Yo, can we— I was not at the Coldplay concert. Can we find something better than pools? Panko flakes. Pankos are— those are crumbs, not flakes. Pools. One-syllable words rhyme with pool. There are websites that just are all of these things. Stools. I like garden gates too, but packing crates is more obvious. Yeah, well, rhymes with— not better than tool, but rhymes with tool. Well, stools inside packing crates. No, it— I'm just trying to list things they sell. Tools beside hockey skates. Pools. Pools below packing crates. A live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy. And all designed for keeping from the secret entrances, which aren't even in the stores at all. Why do you think there's a hot dog stand outside? Sheeple? Nah, that wouldn't be funny. The fishing section, those racks of lures, not for fish. They're 5G blockers. Everyone tuned to a frequency that scrambles your phone. That's why they shimmer under the fluorescent lights. It's not reflection, it's interference. Look at their logo, a triangle. You know what else uses a logo? Used a logo? The Canadian Security Establishment. Canada, not the Canadian Communications Security Establishment Canada. That's, that's our version of the NSA. You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Oh, it's all making sense now, isn't it? They block reception, tell reception to keep the sheeple from knowing, to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. Power tools and kiddie pools. Put this over here. Power tools and kiddie pools. Ah, shoot, I'm not supposed to move that. Here we go. Um, okay, what was that? Power tools and kiddie pools. I like that. Power tools and kiddie pools. Hockey skates and packing crate. Oh, you're a genius, Momo. Power tools and kiddie pools, hockey skates and packing crates, a live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy. Yeah, I like that a lot. Power tools and kiddie pools. Even, even that is actually— power tools and kiddie pools, hockey skates beside packing crates. What I like about that especially, Momo, is that power tools and kiddie pools are like dangerous together. Power tools with things that kids use. Power tools in kiddie pools. Hockey skates beside packing crates. A live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy and all designed you from keeping the secret in. All right, so. Oh, it's all making sense. Active voice, please. It all makes sense now, doesn't it? They block cell reception to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. Can you tie our money? Chemically treated to track our mood. You don't even need it. Was the greeter surveillance? Security cameras all over the store. Do I have to spell this out for you? Why do you think they let the dogs inside? You see, you don't notice the drug sniffing dogs. Half the stuff in there isn't even for sale, it's for show. 22 types of pool noodles? That's not real, that's misdirection. Hey, I like that rhythm. That's got a nice rhythm, eh? It's got a nice rhythm, but I have to come back to the cell reception. The whole place is a Faraday cage. I still desperately want to work a reference to Fallout in here. Jill, you are watching me work on my next video. The whole place is a Faraday cage. And you'd— and, and maybe this tire thing that moves up. This might be too many things. Canadian Tire money, chemically treated to track our movements. The greeter, surveillance, security cameras all over the store. Do I have to spell this out for you? Why do you think they let the dogs inside? This can move up. Canadian Tire money, chemically treated to track our movements. The greeter, surveillance. Why do you think they let dogs inside? So you don't notice the drug sniffing dog. Drug sniffing dog. Security cameras all over the store. Do I have to spell this out for you? T.I.R.E. T-I-R-E. Tactical Intelligence Response Enforcement. How are you not seeing this? That's better. That's better, because it's like the "Do I have to spell this out for you?" and how are you— like the exasperated kind of a— kind of a— like the narrator just kind of does a— is just like, "How is this not obvious?" Half the stuff in there isn't even for sale. It's for show. 22 types of pool noodles? That's not real. None, none of it is real. No, you don't even need a misdirection. The whole place is a Faraday cage. Oh, I should be saying this whole place. I'll be in the store when I do this. I'm just gonna— I'm just gonna do it and not tell them that I'm doing it. Half the stuff in here isn't even for sale. For sure, 22 types of pool noodles, that's not real. This whole place is a Faraday cage. Silver, there's no— there's no silver except Hmm. Or maybe they're just begging me to submit. What do I know? What is a Faraday cage? Faraday cage is a box that blocks radio, like, electromagnetic signals. The whole place is a Faraday cage. How do I call my wife to make sure I get the right noodle? That's okay. What is a Faraday cage? Let me get something to answer it that's a little bit better than I am. It is an enclosure made of conductive materials like metal that blocks external fields and electromagnetic radiation. It works by redistributing the electric charges on its surface, which cancels out the electric field inside the cage. So, um, yeah. Is there even enough staff to notice you filming? Our store has a lot of staff in it, but this is the kind of thing that if I go to, if I go to their head office and ask, they will say no. I have done enough of these in my career to know that Corporate will never— corporate will take 3 weeks to get back to you and the answer will be no. So you just have to do it. Because they can't, they can't, they can't tell me to delete the content. Even if they catch me and they say you have to remove, you have to delete that, they have no right to do that. What they can do is remove me from the store and trespass me. That's within their rights. Thank you, Daily Laugh, that was very nice of you. Oh, look at that, it put the little donation thing on it. That's really cool. I didn't know it does that. I like this little app. Someone told me about it. It's, um, it's called Social Ninja or something. Cavity Search. How about a bit about how so many stores and malls are a terrific fit for solving the homeless crisis? I— you're not wrong, like, malls are emptying out. I agree with you. I'm not the person to do that though. A, those videos have been done, um, but that's, that's not my wheelhouse. It's not my wheelhouse. Hot Flash Annie, who is a veteran here, not a literal veteran, but has been, has been on this channel for a while, suggests. Yeah, exactly. Then you end up on Czech news getting hauled out. And at the end of the day, honestly, yeah, better to ask for forgiveness than permission. At the end of the day, they'll like it. They'll know there's nothing mean-spirited here, right? I don't do mean-spirited. It's not my thing. You know, this whole "keep on theme," you're right. I actually have thought about writing out like a— not a mission statement, but like a theme, because I've made some videos that have been off base and have not been received well. And it's because I went against what my actual usual thing has been, so— Yeah, we'll see. Anyway, how far from home you're going to film? Well, the Canadian Tire is about a 20-minute drive from where I live. I'm in the south, it's in the north. Oh yeah, it'd be great publicity for them, for sure, Astrid. The, the The ones I did before, I did a series of 3 about their Frank products because their Frank products are hilarious. And they sent me a gift card. Canadian Tire PR people sent me a gift card, which is incredibly generous of them. After I did the video, so it wasn't like in exchange for a gift card, I will do these videos. It was the other way around. I did the videos on my own volition and they thought they were funny, so. Uh, let's see. If you don't mind me asking, what province are you from? I'm from BC. I am from BC. All right, back to this. The whole place is a Faraday cage. Oh yeah, the packaging is great. This whole place is a Faraday cage. Are we getting close to the end of this though? Maybe like, maybe this is enough. It just doesn't have this. This whole place is a Faraday cage. I want to put, I want to put it, tie into the 51st State. I don't want to give any, any oxygen to the 51st State's stuff. Have you addressed AI, the good, the bad, and the ugly? I haven't. Also not really my, my, like, I know I'm not really a current issues channel. Those exist, they're everywhere. There are, you know, when I, when, when I first started doing videos that became like, when I, when my account started blowing up, I started, I, I started doing, um, uh, political videos, but it just wasn't, it just wasn't me. Just didn't feel right. So yeah, probably not gonna do that. This whole place is a Faraday cage. I really want to do something about fallout. Maybe we just end it here. That's why you lose. Hang on, brief, brief moment here. They sell pucks. I know, RIP Steve Boots channel. I know, I so— I, I mourn that too. I hope he comes back. I hope he comes back. Where is this? There's this one right here. Let's see if I do— I like— let me find it. Someone said something up there earlier. We are canaries in the Faraday cage. I like that a lot. We're all canaries in a Faraday cage. Ooh, I like that. Yeah, I'm bummed about Boots too. Your political stuff was good. Found you after your David and Goliath post. Oh, thank you. I guess that was political, wasn't it? Yeah, I suppose it was. We're all just canaries. We're all just canaries in their Faraday— in their— in this— we're all just canaries in this Faraday cage. Hmm. Yeah, he's gone. It's just all of his comments are just getting automatically hidden. No, I did it at my end. I just didn't see it first. All of his— he's probably still— he's probably still posting that shit, but it just doesn't go on the channel anymore. So, you know, it's probably just a bot anyway. That's what I— that's my favorite part about moderating on YouTube is it doesn't actually block them. Like, it doesn't ban them per se. They can still watch. And to them, when they're typing and adding bullshit comments, it looks like— it looks to them like the comments are going through, but no one sees it. All right, let's see. We're all just kidding, Faraday Cage. I wouldn't— here, here's what— here's what I wouldn't be Surprised if Vault-Tec were behind, uh, ran half of them. So Vault-Tec is the, is the Easter egg about Fallout. It is the lore of Fallout. What are we, the canaries detecting? Yeah, that's a good point. Canaries are meant to detect something, aren't they? We're all just What did I have before this? This whole place is a Faraday cage. I wouldn't be surprised if I find half of them. Just gotta say, I love your broadcast, especially— thank you so much. She is— she is a damn good sport, that's for sure. Looking forward to seeing all the souvenirs from your contest. Oh, I forgot to go to the, to the post office box today. I— we've received 24 entries so far. I wouldn't be surprised if Baltic Random— that's why you lose cell signals. Hello Norway, welcome. That's why you lose all your cell coverage. The government? No, what's like a big scary entity? Not the government, like the establishment. Industrial complex. Ooh, the, the something industrial complex. The Canadian industrial complex. Could be 3. It could be, it could be like you say, Big Brother. The global industrial complex. I want it to be something about the store. I want that. I want this missing word here to be— Oh, oh, I like the Bermuda Triangle idea. We can add that in there. The Illuminati. Where do the planes disappear? The Bermuda— the Bermuda what? You don't even have to say the military-industrial complex. Yeah, I want it to be funny though. Look at that logo, a triangle. You know what else used a triangle? Communications and Security Establishment Canada. That's our version of the NSA. You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Where do planes disappear? The Bermuda— what? Oh, it all makes sense now, doesn't it? Okay, so that is picking up. Yeah, I like— I love the Bermuda Triangle idea. Thank you, Lucy. But we're still stuck on this. Like the actual saying is the military-industrial complex. That is the actual saying. The joke that sometimes people use is the wedding industrial complex, because if you get married, you know that it's ridiculously expensive. The— the what industrial? The retail industrial complex. It's tough. It's tough. Excuse me. Oh my gosh. The Renovation Industrial Complex. That's closer. Oh, the canary in the Faraday cage. We're back on this. Or the canary in the Faraday— maybe, yeah, maybe if I make reference. Okay, we're back on Faraday cage and canaries. We're— they're using us. Weird the canary. Maybe that's all it needed. Military-industrial advertising complex. Military-industrial DIY. Yeah, they do, they do more than DIY though, don't they? Retail industrial complex. It might be retail. That might be the— that might be the— we'll put it in for now. That's why you lose all coverage. The retail industrial complex. Hello, Rhyme, welcome. Or maybe they're just big and made of cement. What do I know? Uh, there is a maple leaf in their logo. All right, let's time this. Let's do a timing. Let's do a timing run because it has to be under 3 minutes because that way YouTube will accept it as a short. I wish they would all go to 10 minutes like TikTok has done, but they haven't yet. Facebook Stories in particular, Facebook cuts it after 60 seconds. It's actually more retail and industrial. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. Okay. Timing run. Here we go. In a minute. Let me get my clock. Okay, timing run. The greatest Canadian mystery: why we all lose cell reception the second we step foot into a Canadian Tire. You could be in downtown Toronto, 10,000 towers blasting radiation at your head, and the minute you cross that sliding door, you may as well be on the dark side of the moon. After diligent research, which may have involved edibles, I have the answer. Each Canadian Tire is secretly sitting above a NORAD listening station. They don't want you to have cell service. You think the randomness of the store is an accident? It's camouflage. Power tools in kiddie pools, hockey skates beside packing crates, a live raccoon in aisle 17. It's anarchy and all designed to keep you from finding the secret entrances, which aren't even in the stores at all. Why do you think there's a hot dog stand outside the fishing section? Those racks of lures? Not for fish. They're 5G blockers, everyone tuned to a frequency that scrambles your phone. That's why they shimmer under the fluorescent lights. It's not reflection, it's interference. Look at their logo. A triangle. You know what else used a triangle? Communications Security Establishment Canada. Our version of the NSA. You know what else uses a triangle? The Illuminati. Where do planes disappear? The Bermuda— Bermuda what? Oh! It all makes sense now, doesn't it? They block cell reception to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. Canadian Tire money? Chemically treated to track our movements. The Greeter? Surveillance. Why do you think they left the dogs inside? So that you don't notice the drug-sniffing dogs. Security cameras all over the store. Do I have to spell this out for you? T.I.R.E. T-I-R-E. Tactical Intelligence Response Enforcement. How are you not seeing this? Half the stuff in here isn't even for sale, it's for show. 22 types of pool noodles? That's not real. They're using us. We're the canaries in the Faraday cage. I wouldn't be surprised if Vault-Tec ran half of them. That's why you lose all your coverage. The industrial— the retail-industrial complex. Or maybe they're just big and made of cement, what do I know? So a minute 45. This felt like it should be the industrial retail complex, but I don't think it is. Facebook Shorts can go through half an hour, really? Maybe, maybe through the API they can't. I can't write something like that in front of an audience. Dude, the audience is helping me. Half of these ideas are coming from you. I'm writing all my shit with you guys from now on. And then music. And then music. So let's— let us— Epidemic Sound. Let us get some music. Let me see if I can show you my music library as well. One momento, please, while I figure out the OBS. Yes, please don't encourage me to do that, it was awful. Um, so I can say screen capture, screen capture Safari. Oh, be out. He is. Oh, that's not what I wanted. So I can say— what I actually want is application capture. And I want Safari. Which I think is working, but it's just— Hang on. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, folks. OBS does not make this easy, but I will get this up and running in a second. Whoop. And then I'll show you Kaggle, which I'm really— which I really love. There we go. And then I could turn this on and off, right? Yeah. All right. So Epidemic Sound is where I get my music from. Change cookie settings. Stop tracking me. Oh, I got to log in. Hang on a second. Epidemic Sound is good because Um, excuse me, because it is, uh, all the music is licensed on all the platforms. This, this is not a bad idea. Put a disclaimer at the end saying this content may or may not have been produced with the assistance of the Canadian intelligence community. Can I— I don't want to say may or may not because people won't actually— will believe that it's not actually that I didn't actually when in fact I did. So here's where the music comes from. So I want to look for, let's say, espionage. Espionage. And it'll come up with music that is similar. And let me see if it's— if the audio— will audio come through? Sorry, I know that was loud. I'm sorry. Oh, now I have to figure out where this extra repeater of mine is coming in. Like, what tab is open that is— is it one of these? No. Somewhere there is a tab open that is— that is broadcasting me, and I don't want it to. I don't know how I'm going to do this. You can hear me in the background. All right. Let's play a little bit of music and I'll keep the volume down lower on it. God, I hate that echo. All right. Sorry. I don't know. No. Oh, see, now I'm just hearing the echo back again. That's so irritating. I'm not really going to be able to do that. And what I can do is show you Kagi. So Kagi is a search engine. A great search engine at that. Hang on a second. And let me— this— hold on a second. I'm trying to get the— well, let's Let's do a search for like, I don't know. So we can do a search for like CBC News. That's a terrible example. Trump, also a terrible example. Anyway, my point is, regardless of that, so it looks like Google, right? Looks like Google, but Notice how it's kind of hard to see, but notice how there's an up arrow beside this listing. That's because on Wikipedia, I've told Wikipedia, I've told this search engine that I want to boost Wikipedia. So, see, it says ranking adjustment for Wikipedia. Oh, fuck this echo. So, now whenever I Google something or use or I search something, it will give more credence to Wikipedia. It won't. And, and Pinterest is gone from here. It's just straight up gone. So I could say the Trump Organization, I could demote this. I could say less. So now what does this say under the lower? So what does it say here? It's not going to show anything. So if I'm doing searches, the Trump.com domain would show up lower. And it's actually kind of a good way to see this one is blocked, I think. No. Oh no, you know why this is— you know why this is orange? Because they have a lot of trackers. They have a lot of trackers. 47 trackers, in fact. So you could— let's see, let's see. Like, here's a— here's a good way of using it too. So like a Wall Street Journal, and let's go and read an article. And I can't read the article probably because, look, because it's It's paywalled. So I'll just go to, I'll just go to Kaggle and I will block Wall Street Journal. Block. So now when I redo this search, you'll notice that it's the fourth, it's the fourth one down. When I redo this search again, Wall Street Journal just won't be in the listings. Fourth one down is now New Yorker. And so now it just, it won't show up. So when I, for instance, under images, one of the things that I've done is I've blocked, this is like Google Images, but one of the things that I've done is I've blocked all of the stock photo places. So like Alamy, iStockphoto, because I don't want to accidentally use a paid licensed photo. So there's still some that sneak through, but it just helps a lot. So anyway, Kaggle is amazing. I love Kaggle. All right. Oh, thank you so much. We do need more laughs. And Dana, there is AI if you want there to be AI. That's the really cool thing about it is you can have it not AI if you want to. So we can say, who is Tod Maffin? Okay, and you're just going to get regular old— let's go back here— you're just going to get regular old search results, right? You're going to get search results like you normally would. But if you put a question mark at the end, that tells it I want an AI summary. And now look at the top, quick answer. So you can choose to turn up Just by adding, so you can say like, I don't know, what would be a good example? Biopsy. And you're gonna get, I mean, that's not AI, that's Wikipedia kind of thing, but you're gonna get results here. But if you say biopsy with a question mark, then you get AI information. Anyway, I love it. It well worth the 10. You can get a version for $5 a month, I think. Hang on, let's see what— okay, is it just like /pricing? Probably. Yeah, $5 a month gets you 300 searches. Yeah, sorry, it's up here. There it is, 300 searches. Which is, you know, per month, which a lot of people use, which is fine. And, um, and Professional is the one that I have, which is just unlimited. Uh, the music site was Epidemic Sound. Epidemic Sound. So maybe we're done. Maybe we're done this. It's a huge time saver. I love it. You don't have to weed through bullshit. It's like, it's like, I clicked on a fucking Wall Street Journal article again. I can't read it because it's paywall. No, just block it. You'll never see it in your, in your results again. Or increase ones like— hang on, let's see if there's— it's got to be like a main, a main page. I mean, I mean, like, information page. No, maybe I have to be like— whoops. All right, here. Liberate your search, it says. Free of ads. Oh, that's the other thing, is it doesn't report what you've what you've done, right? It doesn't report to Google. Everything you search for on Google is sold, right? It's all sold. Whoops. Why? How did that happen? Oh, what have I done? Oh, there we go. Okay. So free of ads, free of surveillance. Ads-based search. Yeah. And it just cleans it all up. And you can set, you can change it, right? You can say, I don't want, like, you can, if you want, you can have put, you can put categories in. So you can say like Reddit discussions, you know how sometimes in Google there's like a block of Reddit discussions? You can choose whether or not you want that in your search results ever. Like I've turned it off. I just want the fucking old school top 10 links. So that's what my, that's what it, mine is. So it's— it is super solid. Yeah, Kaggle. All right, anyway, sorry, we're getting away from things. Are your lives just random or do you give us notice of them? They are completely random and I am sorry, um, I don't— they are whenever I feel like it. Um, I'll probably be doing more of them, but I'll probably be doing more of them now that I've got a bit of a schedule to this stuff, um, you know, when I'm editing video and things like that. But there's no, there's no official schedule. A good thing to do is to join the Discord, uh, because I think that— I'm pretty sure, let me double check— I'm pretty sure the Discord posts a link that says Tod is on. Yeah, so there's a channel in the Discord called New Todd Content or something like that. And that will— in the Discord, that will automatically post when I'm live. And it gives you a link to the YouTube, to the YouTube site. I enjoy your new dynamic method. This is a masterclass. Well, it is worth everything you've paid for it. But thank you. Yeah, so maybe it— I feel like it needs to ramp up. Here's the problem with this is I feel like it needs to like get crazier and crazier and crazier and then end with, but maybe they just begin me to submit, what do I know? We wear plaid at Canadian Tire. I almost always wear plaid. So maybe we put this down here, this, this one that's crazy. Oh, it all makes sense now. They block cell location to keep the sheeple from knowing the truth. Half the stuff in here isn't even for sale, it's for show. 22 pipes of pool noodles? That's not real. They're using us. We're canaries in the Faraday cage. I wouldn't be surprised if Vault-Tec— that's why you lose your coverage. The retail industrial complex. That doesn't even— nah, you know what, that doesn't make sense. That's why you lose all your coverage. It's all a front. Canadian Tire money, chemically treated to track our movement. The greeter, surveillance. Why do you think they let the dogs inside? So you don't notice the drugs. Dog— drug sniffing dogs. Security cameras all over the place. Do I have to spell this out for you? TIRE, T-I-R-E, Tactical Intelligence Response Enforcement. How are you not seeing this? Or maybe they're just big and made of cement. What do I know? Yeah, like, it's funnier if it's like if I can kind of get crazier and crazier and crazier and then just go like— or maybe it's just all the cement. Oh, maybe that's funny. Or maybe it's just all the cement. No. Or maybe it's just a big cement room. Or maybe they're just big cement. And then a funny— Disclaimer screen. This is one of my— oh, sorry. What is Discord? Discord, it's not hard. It's a chat room. The user interface is a little difficult, too. But hang on. I will give you the URL. I can actually make it a thing if I do this right. Nope, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so bad at this. Copy, paste, duplicate. And I want this to say— I want this to be called Discord link. But no, it's not difficult. So let's, let's put the discount link in here. B— I'm aware that it looks stupid. B.link/CanadaDiscord. I might just leave that on the screen the whole time. This should be white lettering, shouldn't it? How do I change the color? Hello? How do I change the color? There we are. No, I don't want it to be gradient. Stop. There we go. Drop shadow. Yes, please. Outline. Sure, I guess. There we are. So there's the link. Canada Discord. b.link/CanadaDiscord. If you type that in, you will go to the Discord. And then a funny disclaimer screen, which will be, um, honestly, I'll tell you what's really good at this is, um, is AI. AI is actually really good at those disclaimer screens. Uh, but hang on a second. Good night, Edward. So let's do Does ChatGPT let me do this from a browser without— no, I have to log in. Okay, fine. Fair. That's fine. That's fine. So we'll try that. And it is, it's going to say, whoops, write 4 paragraphs of a funny disclaimer saying that I am in no way implying that Canadian Tire is a secret front for any government facilities. It's better at writing those than I am. Oh, it's writing it a little too informally. So thank you, Momo. No problem. No, it should be deadpan legalese. Yeah, here it is. Like, it's just so much, so much better than I could ever write these things. Oops. The author hereby affirms that no portion of the preceding material should be construed, interpreted otherwise as an allegation that Canadian Tire Corporation Limited, its subsidiaries, affiliates, franchisers, seasonal aisle displays, or operating— however. And then I usually get in here and make— put jokes in this. Um, thank you, Todd, I'll check it out after this. All right, cool. Uh, have ever operated or intend to operate as covert facilities on behalf of the Government of Canada, Government of the United States, or any other foreign or sovereign, real or imagined. Any suggestion that Canadian Tire stores contain secret passageways, classified communication hubs, or subterranean command structures is hereby expressly disclaimed. Such interpretations, while perhaps entertaining in casual conversation, are unsupported by any evidence, logical inference, or shovel display. The fuck? Okay, well, any evidence currently available? We'll, we'll funny this up in a second. It's been so long since I haven't heard anything from you. Well, that's weird. I'm posting lots of stuff. That's a— for clarity, the presence of cell signals. Any lack— whoops— of cell signal loss within, within its retail premises is attributed solely to architectural features, not to electromagnetic interference orchestrated by clandestine agencies. It's kind of funny on its own, you know. Oh, don't forget to mention the edible brands. That's a good point. That no portion of the proceedings should be construed— have ever operated or intended I'll bury it somewhere in here. Any lack of signal loss is— okay. Furthermore, the author disavows— we don't need furthermore. Any and all liability implied or explicit arising from the interpretation of ordinary merchandise, including but not limited to auto parts, weird holiday decor, sporting goods, discount barbecues, or strangely named snack food. As equipment of a military intelligence or counterintuitive nature, assertions to the contrary should be deemed speculative, humorous, or the result— it's adding jokes in here— or the result of prolonged exposure to clearance price tiki torches. It's adding jokes. I told it To be serious. Okay, hang on. Prolonged exposure to aforementioned snack food. Prolonged consumption of. Nothing in this statement shall read as an endorsement of conspiracy theories, espionage allegations, or speculative claims regarding Canadian Tire's corporate mission. Canadian Tire is, to the author's knowledge and belief, a retail establishment dedicated exclusively to the lawful sale of Consumer goods, any resemblance to security. Okay. We, we put, yeah, the TD torches is funny. Okay. Is to the author's knowledge, belief, a retailer is having dedicated exclusive law of consumer goods and and the concealment of subterranean— what? How is that not terrain? Nothing in this statement shall be read as an endorsement of conspiracy theories, espionage allegations, or speculative claims regarding Canadian Tire's corporate mission. Canadian Tire is, to the best of the author's knowledge and belief, A retail establishment dedicated exclusively to the lawful sale of consumer goods and the concealment of subterranean government. Yeah, we just nix everything we just said. Oh, something about the raccoon in aisle 17. That's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. Snack food bracket which may or may not contain— Hang on, let's, let's do the, let's do the raccoon first. Where do we put the raccoon? Any suggestions that the stories contain secret passageways, classified, or, or live raccoons? Okay, I like it. Snack food bracket, which may or may not contain psychedelics. Assertions to the contrary shall be deemed speculative, humorous, or the result of prolonged— which I like that— which may or may not contain psycho— whoops— psychedelics. Man, I'm— my spelling is Bad. I like it. Thank you. Any other jokes we could— tiki torches. Should we put the tiki torches back in? The tiki torches appear to be a hit, people. I feel like we should put the tiki torches back in. Oh, the tiki torches need to be up here. 22 types of tiki torches. No. 20, 22 brands of tiki torches. That's funny because, because Canadian— everyone knows Canadian Tire tiki torches, right? So we put it there, we put it there. Canadian Tire takes no responsibility for any raccoons or moose that find their way into— no, I don't like that one quite as much, quite as much. Yeah, Tiki Inn, absolutely. Half the stuff in here isn't even for sale, it's for show. 22 brands of tiki torches, that's not real. Oh yeah, you're right, Dana. Thank you. Can I do— can I do this? This part of the script of this video was written by a former member of the Canadian Intelligence Service. This is actually true. How do you feel about this? I would not be saying this. This would be in a big— here, let me give you an example of the screen that it would be. Oh, I wouldn't have it. It would be flashed at the very end, like full of tiny text, right? Full of like small print. With the music that goes like— it's not helping. It's that elevator music. And would only be there for a second. Part of this script was written by a former member of the Canadian Intelligence Service. Canadian intelligence community, okay? Can I say what your job was? Are you allowed to tell me what your job was or do you have to kill me? Part of the script— part of the script of this video is written by a former member of the Canadian intelligence community. This is actually true. Okay, cool. Dana says yes. Dana says yes. Yeah, exactly. It's like the FBI warning on DVDs. I don't know. Maybe it's an RCAF intelligence officer. Can I use that? Can I say that? Written by a former RCAF intelligence officer. Can I do this? A portion of this script. Thank you. Can I say this? A portion of this video script was written by a former RCAF— oops— intelligence officer. This is actually true. Yep. And if you'd like to see me, pics of me in uniform, you'd know that that was my job from the CAP badge. Now what? And I won't— yeah, I won't use a photo. Now what I was doing is secret and you can use that. Obviously setting up the underground Canadian Tire shit. It's not secret, we all know. Okay, that's great. That's a funny— that's a funny closing to the thing. A portion of this video script was written by a former RCAF. This, this part is actually true. It's actually 100% true. Just to reinforce it. The greatest Canadian mystery. Why we all lose out on the second week of All right. All right. Oops. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to leave that there. Oh, cap is in headdress. Oh, I see. Okay. All right. I'm going to go. It's quarter after 3. I have to record my podcast. I'm working on a podcast about— sorry, not podcast. Tomorrow's podcast day. Today is the script for the bonus essay for newsletter people. So if you are a subscriber, you get a bonus essay on— oh, oh, oh, oh, hang on. We gotta get that fucking asshole out of here right fucking now, buddy. Ban user. Yeah, gone. Sorry about that, folks. You probably didn't see them because my software automatically hides it, but we had a one of those romance spammers who replies. He actually replied to you, Dana. I'm really much impressed about your profile and personality. I also admire a good sense of humor on here. I normally don't write in the comment section, but I think you deserve this compliment. I'd like to be your friend if you don't mind me sending a friend request. Oh, could you see those? Yeah, he got banned. They're bots, you know, and they They come and go. It's a pain in the ass. And unfortunately, what they do is if you end up getting— if you end up replying to it, it's like a confidence scam. They're like— eventually they'll want you to send them money. I whack them all easily, 5 or 6 of those a day. I don't. Like, the software does. But anyway. All right. Well, thank you all for coming. I'm going to work on the newsletter. So as I was saying, people who are members, like paying members of the newsletter, uh, get a bonus issue every Wednesday— most Wednesdays, like almost every Wednesday. Uh, and this one is going to be about Camp X, which Dana probably knows about what Camp X was. Uh, Camp X was a legitimate super secret spy thing that Canada did, and, uh, and it was made into a CBC TV show called X Company, which was executive produced and written by my cousin, Stephanie Morgenstern. Anyway, so thank you all for coming. I hope this was entertaining. I will do another live, I don't know when, at some point in the future, probably as I edit this video, maybe. I don't know. We'll see. Anyway, thanks again for coming. I'm glad you guys were— glad you guys had fun.