Given up on your resolutions already? Here's how you get back on it...

Have you already given up on your New Year's resolutions? Now, I ask this because the average person will have given up within the first 17 to 19 days of this year. And when I say by average person, what I actually mean is anywhere between 80 and 92% of people actually fail to reach their New Year's resolutions. So based on that alone, New Year's resolutions aren't necessarily the best thing to do when trying to reach a goal. And I think a lot of it probably comes with this excessive amount of expectation about what can or should be achieved by each individual. Now, there is also the, the fact that many of us try to do too much too soon, and we try to literally take that all-or-nothing approach. It's like, I have to do everything perfect from January 1st, and if I don't, or if I don't sustain it week by week, then there's just no point. I'll hit the fuck it button, let it all go, and, and throw it all out. Out the window, basically. So New Year's resolutions unfortunately aren't necessarily the best way, but on the flip side, they can be the best way to get you started and to get you to your goals, providing you do it properly. Now, let's assume you didn't and you've gotten to this point and you've fallen off, which is why I obviously asked the question, have you given up on them already? And if you have, no big deal. That is the first thing that we need to consider. The, oh well, if I tried, I failed, it's not really a big deal. Now, it is in the respect you're not going to reach the goal if you don't pick yourself back up and get back on track. But what we need to get good at is not constantly beating ourselves up mentally and emotionally whenever we don't do something that we said we should do. Instead, we need to put that effort and that energy into finding ways that we can actually follow through on the things that we say we're going to do for ourselves. So It's one thing to say, I'm going to achieve all these amazing things in the new year, but then to beat yourself up because you fall off or make mistakes or things don't go perfectly, that's just a waste of energy. And of course, that negative self-talk only brings you down and makes you less likely to try and do it again because you know that you're just going to give yourself shit anytime you make a mistake. So the first step that we need to take if we're looking to get back on and actually be successful is to learn how to not be overly emotionally invested in our actions. And when I say in our actions, I mean more around the mistakes that we make, the things that we might do that aren't perfect, and so on. If we're too emotionally invested in those and they're not perfect in our eyes, then of course we're going to start giving ourselves shit, berating ourselves, and so on, and causing us essentially consistent or continual demotivation even though we're trying to get to a particular goal, which might be, of course, in your body. You might be trying to lose weight. You might be trying to get out of pain. Maybe this year you've set a target of earning more money, or maybe you've set a target of finding a partner or having kids or whatever it might be. It doesn't matter what the goal is. If you give yourself shit every time you make a mistake or don't quite act perfectly, then unfortunately you're gonna be very unlikely to follow through anyway. So the first thing that we need to do if we're looking to get back on track with our New Year's goals is, of course, lose some of that emotional intensity that we're trying to bring to it. Now, that doesn't mean don't be passionate, don't be excited. That just means don't bring that negative energy every time we make a mistake. Now, we also have to consider, well, okay, what was it that caused me to fail? Now, in most cases, it will just be a case of you try too much too soon. And you try to completely flip or change your whole world overnight, and that just doesn't work for the majority of people. So it could be that simple, but for others here, it may be a case of you've got to actually really look into what was going on for you, what things were happening or taking place in your life, or what feelings were you experiencing when you decided to give up. Because what we often find is it's more important to identify the feeling state we were in when we chose to quit rather than the specific thing that we were doing. If we can identify what the feeling state was, often it becomes much easier for us to identify when these problems are going to happen again. Yes, of course, it might have just been, oh, I was too busy, work was a bit hectic, it's the new year, we've got lots going on, and so on. But quite often it's more a case of we have large resistances and barriers towards some of the things that we might have to do in order to reach our goals. So if we can identify, one, what those barriers are, how we actually feel about it, and then why we feel that way about that particular thing and therefore create this barrier for it, that will give us a greater chance or opportunity to then overcome it. Okay, well, actually it turns out that I don't like prepping healthy food. I don't feel good. I'm not confident at it. It's easy for me to grab a quick meal or a junky meal that I'm used to preparing. But actually cooking healthy meals is not something I'm very well versed in. It's not something I've had much practice with. So therefore, every time it comes to meal prep time, I feel under pressure, I feel a bit overwhelmed, and I don't really know if what I'm doing is correct. Maybe it's something like that. So if it is more around that type of thing, or it might be, okay, well, actually, I do want to be healthy and get in shape, but I have this idea around being healthy that I now have to give up on my social life. So every time I want to go around to friends or if I want to spend time with family, I feel like I can't enjoy myself because I can't get involved with the food and the drink and things in the same way that I would have in the past. The catch is there's a part of me that values that more than being lean, being fit, healthy, in shape, and so on. Now, if that's the case and we do value the socializing and the being involved and having the drink, the alcohol, the sweets, treats, and snacks, if we value that above the result that we're trying to get, then of course we're going to lean away from doing the right things to get us the body we want and instead lean in towards those, those things that keep us engaged in the tribe. Because often we don't want to be disassociated from the tribe. We don't want to act differently or feel like the odd one out or feel like we're, we're the party pooper, essentially. So we've got to look at, well, what are our triggers here? What are the things that are causing me to give up on this? What is it that is making it mentally and emotionally too difficult for me to follow through. Because even though we will often have physical challenges when we're trying to change your body as well, for example, we might need to go to the gym and exercise and all those types of things. The physical thing is quite easy to overcome. Yeah, we might ache for a few days after our first few sessions and so on. But once that's done, then we don't tend to ache anymore until we switch up our program, maybe 4 to 8 weeks later. Whereas if we have mental and emotional barriers to these things, then we're going to experience them every single time. So just to recap, the first thing we need to do is identify— or sorry, is stop giving ourselves so much shit every time we make a mistake. And then the next thing that we need to do is identify how we were actually feeling when we chose to give up. What was going on for us? What were the resistances, the barriers, the negative emotions that made us decide that actually now's not the right time. Now, the other thing to consider for some of you is January is a, is a time where obviously lots of people do this. So in some respects, there's a good energy around it because lots of people are trying to change. Now, with that, that sometimes helps to carry people through. If you are somebody that needs that collective energy, then it might be that you can't do this alone yet. Maybe you need a partner, maybe you need a coach, someone to hold you accountable. Maybe you just need a friend to do something, or to do it with you, so that you've got someone to bounce ideas off, bounce feedback off, and so on. So have a look at one of the two things that we've already spoke about, but also look at whether you maybe need to do this with somebody. Do you need a friend, an accountability buddy? Do you need a coach, someone like myself, or somebody else you've seen perhaps online or at your local gym or, or around? Maybe you need some kind of group or, or support that's going to help you follow through, particularly when times get rough, get challenging, and things are a bit of a struggle. Because unfortunately, that, that will be the case. There will be times where it's not always easy. And in fact, as much as it is simple, the idea and the game of health and fat loss, it's very simple. Oh, just do this, this, and this. But obviously, within the context of our individual lifestyles, it can sometimes be very difficult or very challenging. To remain consistent to the things that we know we need to do. And often that's what causes us to actually fall off. It's that difficulty. We're not used to struggle, or we're not used to struggle in that particular sense and in that manner. So therefore we fail to follow through. Or we found in the past, whenever we've struggled, we've had issues with failure and, and being shit around, or feeling shit around those failures and those mistakes. So then again, whenever we come up against those difficulties in ourselves when we're trying to reach our goals, again, we tend to lean away or lean out and not actually lean into that discomfort and therefore achieve our goals. So those are the 3 things, guys. First one is stop giving yourself so much shit anytime you make a mistake. That way you're far more likely to stay on track and stay motivated because you're not then going to give yourself crap every time you do make a mistake, which happens. These things happen. So accept it, as an adult, don't be affected too much emotionally and move on. The next thing, of course, the second thing was to identify the emotional trigger. So how were you feeling when you decided to give up? And then the final thing is identify whether you need to do this with a partner, or with a coach or with somebody, because sometimes trying to do it alone, particularly when the rest of the world seems to be doing their own thing, and, and you feel a bit unsupported and lonely, Sometimes we do need somebody else to do this stuff with, one, to help us get back on track, but then also to give us the opportunity to stay on track. So that's what I'll leave you guys with tonight. As always, if you want me to dig into this deeper, let me know in the comments. If you have any particular questions or you want some more specific strategies that you could use for yourself based on what happened with you and why you fell off the bandwagon, let me know in the comments and I will get my answers to you as quickly as I can. Thanks for watching, people, and I look forward to seeing you all in my next video.