How Can I Increase My Low Self-Esteem & Self-Doubt?

So I'm in one of my coaching calls today with a client of mine, and we were talking about confidence and the need to, of course, show up confidently, or at least act in confidence when trying to move towards our goals. Because the catch is, if we don't act in confidence, then we tend to half-ass it, and we'll kind of move into things and start taking action, but it's always with one foot out the door. Now, he then returned a great question. He said, okay, cool, so we need confidence, that's good, but How do I increase the low self-esteem and the self-doubt that I have? And I'm like, hmm, good question. And this is the catch: many of us want to be more confident, but because we suffer with low self-esteem and a large proportion of self-doubt, um, towards ourselves, then often we fail to have the ability or the capacity to move forward in the direction that we want. Or to take the actions that we want because they feel far too far outside of our comfort zone. Now, one of the first things that we often have to identify is, well, where does low self-esteem and self-doubt, where do these things actually come from? And generally speaking, they'll come from one of two places. The first is that we see a lack of some sort within ourselves. It's like, I want to be able to do this or I want to be able to achieve this particular thing. But I don't see myself as being able to do it. Therefore, I see myself also— sorry, therefore I have low— or sorry, therefore I have increased self-doubt, self-doubt around my ability to actually follow through and get these things. And then because I won't take actions and I won't move towards the things I want, that reduces my esteem and the way I look at myself. So I don't hold myself in high regard. I hold myself in a low regard because I know that I won't show up and do the things that I say I'm going to do. Now, the other way is it's not necessarily an issue where we're perceiving ourselves. It's the fact that we don't feel as though we are of value to our community, so to other people. We don't feel of use or of value to others, and therefore, again, we end up feeling like we, we have low self-esteem. We again don't see ourselves as being of any use either to ourselves now or to these other people, which of course keeps us stuck in this place where we're unable to act in confidence because of this low self-esteem that's developed and of course the self-doubt. So ultimately it's a case of, okay, well, these things are going on. I don't necessarily feel valuable in the community or in my tribe as such with my friends, my family, or whoever it may be. I don't feel like I'm adding value there. And then at the same time, I can't add value to myself and help myself move towards my goals. So therefore, I hold myself in low regard and I have a lot of self-doubt around my capacity or capability to do the things that I want to do in life. Now, when it comes to actually overcoming this, the Catch-22 is one of the best ways to start overcoming your self-doubt and lack of belief in self or your low self-esteem is to actually start getting results. Now, of course, that means, well, I need to act in alignment with the thing that I want for long enough to see a result. But once we actually start getting results, that helps to build confidence and self-esteem because we realize, oh shit, actually I am capable of doing this. Now, of course, it can be a tricky spot and you're like, well, hang on, The issue I have is the low self-esteem because I won't take action. I haven't been able to take action. So what the fuck makes you think I'm now able to take action just because you've said that's the answer? Now, of course, it's just part of the answer. It's one of the things that we have to do if we want to move forward powerfully. We need to put ourselves in a position to start doing the things that we know we need to do, because if we don't, we'll remain stuck in this perpetual cycle of feeling like we're not enough and therefore not doing enough, therefore not having enough, and ultimately just stuck, which of course nobody really wants that. So we have to go, okay, well, the first thing that I need to do is at some level find a way to get some kind of result because I'm trying to prove to myself that I am capable and that I can actually do some shit. Then alongside that, what we also want to do is recognize where in our life we've already been successful or already achieved certain things. Now, this doesn't have to be related to the domain that you're now trying to get results in. This could be anywhere. All we're really looking to do is provide ourselves with evidence that we have reason to hold ourselves in a high regard. Oh, actually, turns out back in high school, I did this, this, and this. Turns out when I was helping out my friend John, I did this, this, and this. Like, it could be anything. It might even be the fact that you remember the first time you learned to tie your laces. It can be a real simple thing, but we need to find as many as we can throughout our history, these moments of triumph or of success, to prove to us that even though right now in this moment we see ourselves in low regard and we have a large proportion of self-doubt, around the things that we want to achieve. We need to prove to ourselves, at least initially in our mind, that, oh, hold on, maybe I'm not as useless as I think I am. Because often what we find is we've actually done a whole lot more than we give ourselves credit for. We're just very good at achieving something or being successful in a moment and then just moving on to the next thing, not giving ourselves the time or the, the space required to actually appreciate that thing and acknowledge the fact that we've done some good work, the fact that we stepped up and we achieved something that we wanted that was probably quite a challenge for us. Because we in the moment don't see it as being all that significant, we brush it off and then move on to the next thing without recognizing it. And because we haven't been willing to give ourselves that recognition, again, this just compounds the low self-esteem and the self-doubt that we have. So those are the two main things that I find help. And then of course, another thing that we can do is borrow the certainty and the belief of others. Now I say borrow because ultimately we need to learn how to take back our own power and do this for ourselves. But what we can do, and what often happens, is we think that we're shit and we're rubbish and I can't do anything and, and I'm useless, essentially. But often other people are far better at recognizing our strengths and our successes than we are. And often they will acknowledge them and give us recognition for them far sooner or far easier than we will ourselves. So sometimes stepping up and having the courage or the confidence now to maybe ask some of your closest friends or family, hmm, what do you think I'm actually good at? Like, what things, where in my life would you say I've been successful? What things have I done well in? Because often they will provide for you a far bigger list than you'll be willing to give to yourself when you sit down and do this for yourself and go, what successes have I had? Often these other people will remember things that you've maybe brushed aside. They will highlight things that you maybe see as insignificant, but then when you think about them again or see them from somebody else's perspective, you might actually reframe— excuse me— you might actually reframe your initial perception of it and now see, oh, actually, maybe that was a bit more significant than I originally thought. And again, this is all just about building a case for yourself to prove that you are far more useful to your community, far more useful to you than you've maybe given yourself credit for. And all these little things will just add to the notches that help boost your esteem and your belief in self to the point where you can move forward and take action at a more ruthless level. Now, of course, failing those things, then it would just be a case of, okay, well, I just take the small daily steps. I think big, here's my big vision, this is what I want, and then I act small in relation to that big vision. What are the small simple steps that I can take day by day to start accumulating wins so that I can start to build this self-esteem and this belief in myself that will ultimately increase my confidence and then give me the certainty I need within me to stay consistent with this thing. And of course, this is whether we're talking in our body, trying to transform the way we look and burning body fat, or getting out of pain. It could be we're trying to earn more money or get a promotion in our job or, um, professional business. It could be that in my relationship I want to be able to show up as a more confident lover so I can have deeper connection and intimacy with my partner. It could be any number of things. And of course, you could be being held back by any number of things that are contributing to this feeling of low self-esteem and self-doubt. But we have to be willing to do something about it. Even though we don't feel confident, we have to at least display confidence in some way so that we can actually start moving forward and start resolving the problem. Because if we don't, then we just stay stuck where we are, never getting the body we want, never having the business or the income or the impact that we want, never having the relationships and the connection, the community communication and the sex and intimacy that we want. And we just get stuck. We don't have the connection with our kids. And we don't show up as the confident and powerful leader that we should be and the role model that we should be for our children and our friends and family and so on. And then we just ultimately feel numb, because we've allowed these ideas and these beliefs that we're not good enough to hold us back, keep us in low regard for ourselves, and full of self-doubt and an inability to move forward in confidence and get the results that we want. So that's my video for you guys tonight. If you feel like this is maybe you and you want to share your own experience, feel free to do so below. If you have any questions around this and you want me to go deeper on any particular aspect, again, drop your comments below and I will get those answered for you as soon as I can, people. As always, thank you for watching. Thanks for giving up your time, and I look forward to chatting with you in my next video.