Is your Past limiting your Future?

Is your past limiting your future? Now, said another way, we could say, is your future held hostage by your past? Now, the truth is, for many of you watching this, it's probably the case. Um, it's certainly been the case for me in the past. And often what we find is we have had experiences in our past life, you know, often when we're growing up and so on. But for some of us, it could have even been last week. But we have these experiences, and because of the way that we interpret them at the time, and because of these stories that we attach to them, or the meaning that we give them, that then causes us to now show up and act in particular ways which in reality are designed to protect us but often do not serve us in the long run. So take myself, for example. Now, If I get totally honest, I've been with my partner now for 16+ years, um, but I would say for at least the first 12, I was a shitty partner, um, and not because I wasn't there, not because I didn't care for her, not because I didn't love her, but because I was unable to give her all of me. Now, the reason for this is because in my past, I I'd had experiences with previous relationships and so on. And at 16, I'm in a relationship. I'm in now what I would have considered my first real relationship. And I fell fucking way too quick and fell head over heels into this relationship. And literally, at the time, my mind, I'm saying, you are the one. I'm with you for life. Like, this is it. I don't need any other person. Like, I literally had this thing where you couldn't even see other women anymore and so on. Like, I fell so deep into this relationship that I thought this was it. Now, the catch-22 is it obviously wasn't it, and 9 months in, out of the blue, ah, I don't want to be with you anymore. Now, this came as a big shock and a big surprise at the time, of course, but rather than me just sort of being like, okay, cool, you decided to move on, new chapter for you, I guess it's a new chapter for me, let's go, instead I found myself heartbroken. Now, I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy. I'm literally just laying out how this shit works. So I'm now 16, I'm heartbroken, and I find myself fucking crying in front of my parents and all this kind of stupidness at the time. But the problem is I already had a bunch of stories that were going. One was, this is the relationship I'm in for the rest of my life. So that's a story I created based on my experience of that relationship. Turns out the story was inaccurate. So then when that frame got broken, I didn't know how to deal with it. Oh shit, what do I do? So then I find myself breaking down. Now I'm breaking down, which is also in conflict with stories that I already have running as well. Men aren't supposed to cry, especially over women, and all these types of stories like real men don't cry and quit acting like a little bitch and all these types of things. All these things are running through my head and causing conflict within me. So now I'm in this experience, which of course is painful. I don't know how to deal with it. So my brain says, okay, well, how can I overcome this? And how can I prevent it from ever happening again? So instead, I now need to rewrite these old stories to create new ones to now protect me from this ever happening again. So now my new story becomes, I will never allow myself to feel like this again. Now, I'm sure for many of you, you've possibly had the same thing. You've been in a relationship, you thought this was it. And you've fallen head over heels. Then the relationship falls apart for whatever reason, and you find yourself heartbroken or in deep pockets of pain. And then to deal with it, you're like, this is never happening again. And what we do is we build this emotional brick wall around us, or this brick wall around our emotions in the heart center. So now it's a case of, cool, I can continue to have relationships, but now they no longer come as a threat to me. If anything, I will be the threat As in, if I— if things get dodgy, or if I feel like, oh, I could be potentially getting hurt here again, I will cut the relationship loose and let it go in order to keep myself protected. So I'm with my partner now, as I say, for 16 years, but for at least the first 10, 12 years, I was a shitty partner because I would never allow myself to fully open up or give myself to her fully. So I'm there, I'm in the relationship, we have fun, and I love her, but whenever there is any fucking problem, I just want to quit. And it's not, oh, I want to quit the relationship. It's like, I'm not dealing with this, I'll just leave. So it's easier for me to now sit there and go, okay, well, if you don't like what's happening or the way that I'm showing up or the way I'm acting, why don't you just go? No one's asking you to be here. You're the one that's choosing to be here in this relationship. If you don't like it, leave. So it was easy for me because I wasn't willing to give myself fully on an emotional level to just cut it. Anytime there's a problem, let it go. Now the catch is, when we do things like this with other areas of our life, this will cascade and bleed into other areas too. So I've got this issue in my relationship, and now I will never feel like that again is my new story. So I now build this emotional wall that protects me at the time. But what we then do is do that with everything else. So now I won't allow myself to go fully into any other experience, whether in my body, whether in my being or in my business, because I don't want to get hurt by those things too. What if they don't work out the way I want? What if I try to do this thing or achieve this particular goal and it all fails? What if it gets taken away from me and then I'm made to feel the way I was before? So instead, now you go through life protecting yourself from all of these things. But what you're actually doing is hurting yourself more and more. But now over an extended period of time, because you won't actually allow yourself to fully experience or enjoy any of the, the experiences and, and events that you're going through. So you see them, you witness them, but you don't actually allow yourself to live through them fully. So therefore everything just feels a bit meh, a bit fucking flat and numb. It's never as happy as it could be, it's never as sad as it could be, because you're just stuck in this middle playing field, this kind of level state of being where you won't allow yourself to be fully happy and fully enjoy the, the, the highs and the ups, the same as you won't fully allow yourself to experience the lows because you don't want to hurt and be painful like you were in the past. Now, this brings me to my question for you guys. This case of where are you in your life perhaps doing the same? Where are you dragging your past along with you and not allowing yourself to let it go? And it's therefore holding you back from having the future that is actually available to you, the one that's potentially sitting there in the waiting that you can kind of see. You have a sense of it, but you're unwilling to go there because you're holding on to this baggage from your past. Now, this could be in your body. It could be a case of, oh well, I want a new body. I want to show up for myself and be able to take care of myself and eat better and move more and so on. But perhaps because of the way you've shown up yourself. So for example, like myself in the relationship thing, maybe you've shown up in similar ways. And now because you've been an asshole for so many years, there's a part of you that feels like you don't deserve to be happy. It's like you've, you've hurt these other people by not allowing yourself to open up for so long. You've kept them in pain. Well, now karma has to come back and repay the debt. So now you don't deserve to be happy. So you don't deserve to have the body you want. You don't deserve to have the money you want. You don't deserve to have the certainty in self and the sense of purpose that you desire because you're an asshole. You've been an asshole for the past 10 years, Ty. So we end up fucking the rest of our life because of this one dumb story that we told ourselves. And I say it's dumb when you go back and look at it. It's like you had no other opportunity because you had no other skill set. There wasn't a different option because you weren't aware of any other options. This just felt like the only way out. It was my quick escape. I will never allow myself to feel like this again. Was my, was my way out. So then to do that, as I say, I just shut down emotionally and not let anything else affect me. So your partner can be sitting there in pain, crying, saying like, what the fuck is going on? Why won't you just open up to me? And you're just like, well, if you've got a problem with it, off you go, love. Now, it's a harsh place to be, but it's a reality for many of us. And as I say, it can be the same when it comes to trying to achieve the results in our body or in our business or being We want the outcomes, but we're allowing these anchors from our past to hold us hostage. We need to let go of this shit and this baggage at times, because until we do, we can never move forward into the future that we want. Now, the advantage is that this pain that we've held on to, that we won't let go of, that is the place where the power you need to move into this future is found. So although it feels like a burden and a curse, it's also our blessing should we choose to see it that way and again reframe our stories. So at the time, I told myself a particular story: I can never allow myself to feel like this again. And the reason for that, of course, or the reason I got dumped at the time, is because obviously I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough in the relationship. I wasn't all that she needed me to be, and so on. Whereas perhaps what she was actually doing, if I now reframe the story, perhaps actually it wasn't a case of I wasn't good enough. Perhaps she was giving me the experience I needed to actually become the man I need to be to build the future I desire. Maybe she was giving me the experience I needed to become the man my partner needs and who my partner desires to be with. Perhaps it was a life lesson and an opportunity for me to learn a way of being and to develop a new skill a way of showing up and acting in a relationship that would actually allow me to be a better partner, to be a better father, and to have a better relationship all around that then helps to accelerate the other areas of my life too. Because having a good stable relationship allows me to show up in my business more powerfully. Having a good stable relationship allows me to show up in my body more properly— more properly, that's not even— but allows me to show up better for myself in my body. Now, of course, if I'm on point with my body as well, that enables me to show up better in my relationship because I have this inner confidence and certainty within myself because I know that I'm capable. I know that I'm also potentially attractive to my partner and desired by my partner because I'm not walking around at 30 stone and so on and building these physical barriers around myself to protect me from having to get close or actually engage with people at a deep enough level. So that's my question for you guys. Where in your life right now are you allowing your past to keep you stuck, to keep you imprisoned, and prevent you from moving forward into a future that you know that you are— that is there for you? You know it's available, but you're just unwilling at present to go and get it because you're stuck holding on to these stories and holding on to these narratives that you've kept from your past. Thanks for watching, people. I appreciate your time as always. If you If you have any questions on this, or if you want me to dig deeper, or perhaps if you want to share your own experience, feel free to do so in the comments. And I look forward to seeing you all in my next video tomorrow. Take it easy.