In this solo Q&A, Tyrone Bray explores why people feel trapped in a pattern of “poor decisions” and offers a nuanced framework for breaking the cycle. He begins by questioning whether a decision was truly bad or merely produced an undesired outcome, using everyday examples (helping a friend, saying yes to avoid conflict). Bray argues that clarity about one’s current reality and desired result is essential; without it, decisions are made on shaky foundations. He extends this idea to business, fitness, and health, showing how lack of factual clarity (e.g., not knowing the exact nature of a back injury) leads to sub‑optimal choices. Bray then introduces a decision‑action‑outcome model, emphasizing that the meaning we assign to outcomes determines whether we label a decision as good or bad. He highlights three common pitfalls: (1) mis‑framing the problem, (2) taking insufficient or misaligned actions, and (3) avoiding courageous, authentic choices that align with personal values. Practical advice includes: assess the present situation honestly, reframe the experience to separate decision from outcome, ensure actions match the decision’s intent, and cultivate the courage to act in alignment with true goals rather than external expectations. He acknowledges that even well‑made decisions can yield unexpected results, but stresses that meaning‑making, not outcome alone, defines success. The video concludes with a call to reflect on one’s decision patterns, consider whether outcomes or actions are the real issue, and to pursue decisions that honor personal authenticity.
Chapters
Hey people, what's up? So today's question is, how can I break the cycle of poor decisions? Now, this particular question came in on one of my videos, um, so somebody had responded and then they just said, oh, here's a question for you, how can I break the cycle of poor decisions? Now, one of the things that we have to, I guess, analyze or, or at least establish when we come to a question like this is, well, were they really poor decisions in the first place, or are you just not happy with the outcome? Because sometimes the decision might have actually been perfect, but it's just you didn't like the outcome that resulted from that decision. So for example, it could be something as simple as a friend asked you for help. You said, yes, I'll help. But then they didn't show you any appreciation for it. So you now in your mind tell yourself, well, that was a bad decision. Decision. I should have never have helped them. Because they didn't show me any appreciation for it. Or it could be a case of you really wanted to say no, but you said yes because you didn't want to offend them. So in the moment, you did what you thought was the right thing, and it kind of felt like the right decision. But then afterwards, because you're like, fuck, I gave away all my time, my effort, my energy, and I really needed to get on with some things for myself, therefore it's now a bad decision. So it could be that instead. So there are, there are times when, when bad decisions are bad. And of course, if we get stuck in a cycle of them, that's not ideal because ideally we want to make good decisions. So therefore we're obviously enjoying life and we're happy with the decisions that we make and the outcomes that we get. But at the same time, a lot of it will just come down to how we're framing it. You know, first off, we need to be honest with ourselves enough so that we can actually make the correct decision in the first place because sometimes we don't really know. We're presented with opportunities or options or decisions that we need to make, but we don't always know which decision is the best one to make because we're not really clear about where we are or what we want as a result of making this decision. I've had this many, many times in my business where it's been a case of, all right, well, This is what I think I want in my business. This is the outcome that I want, but I don't really know exactly what I should do next. What's the best decision I can make now and how to achieve that? But it's because I wasn't clear about where I really was right now in this moment. And we see the same in body transformation and weight loss. Oh, I want to get out of pain or I want to lose weight. It's like, which diet is going to be the best one or which program will be the best one to help with my back pain? But the catch is quite often we haven't done enough work to establish exactly where we are. So like with the back pain, for example, it's a case of, okay, well, you could just pick up any old generic back pain program and it might help. But let's say you pick up a program that's for, um, spondylolisthesis, but you have a slipped disc. Well, now that program isn't necessarily going to serve you. It might if you're lucky, but it, it maybe won't. Or let's say you have a, you have a funky hip, maybe you've torn a labrum or something, but then you pick up a program that's designed for strength or power, and maybe your hip's not ready for that yet. So in that moment, that's going to be a poor decision, but it's maybe made from a place of not necessarily knowing what is best for you because you haven't gotten clear on the facts of what's going on right now. So when we don't do that, it's hard to make a decision or what we would call a good decision rather than a poor one because we weren't clear about where we were. And then, of course, it's not really possible to be completely clear about where we want to go unless we're fully clear about exactly where we are. Without that foundation of clarity on exactly what's happening now, we don't know what decision to make in order to move forward. We can have ideas. We can assume that, oh, well, so-and-so did it like this, so, so maybe I need to do the same. But the truth is we don't really know, because if it's somebody else's method or path that we're following because they did it that way and that worked for them, well, that's based— excuse me— that's potentially based on their facts, not your own. So whilst it might be a good idea and may actually work perfect— perfectly for you, it might not because it's not specifically for you. That decision was for them, that choice was for them, and therefore worked for them. Now, of course, sometimes it's better to make a decision or at least borrow somebody else's if we need to in order to build some forward momentum. But at the same time, we do sometimes have to be careful about what we're doing so that we don't consistently make decisions that we're not happy with the outcomes. So that's the first thing. The first thing is like, well, we need to get clear about where we are. We also need to reframe it potentially and say, well, was it the decision that was the problem or was it just the outcome? I maybe got an outcome I wasn't expecting or didn't desire. Then it's a case of, well, if I did make a decision that I think was right but the outcome was still wrong, why is that? Is it because the action taken between the decision and the resulting outcome was not correct? I didn't— even though I decided this, I actually acted in this way instead and therefore got the wrong outcome. Or is it a case of you actually made the correct decision and then made the correct actions and steps and so on to move forward, but then still it resulted in the wrong outcome. Because like anything, there's going to be nuances. There are going to be times where things don't go exactly as planned. Sometimes it's because of external influence, maybe other people, other entities, other institutions and so on. And sometimes it's because even though we said we wanted something, we then kind of acted in a way to get it, energetically, we weren't present with that. So it's like you can go to the gym, oh, my goal is to lose 3 pounds this week, I want to lose 3 pounds, and I went to the gym. But if you don't really go to the gym and train properly, there's a good chance you could go there, oh, I just sort of stepped on the stepper for a little while, and then I walked on the treadmill, then I got on the bike, you know, and just pumped the blood a bit. Like, if you don't really do the real work, you can argue, well, I went to the gym, I should be losing weight. But if we're not doing the action or taking the action at the level required, well, then we don't get the outcome. And then we could argue, well, the decision to go to the gym was wrong. That was a poor decision because it didn't get me the outcome that I want. Now, the truth is, it's not that it didn't get you the outcome that you wanted. It's more a case of you didn't do what was required to get what you wanted, to make that initial decision a good one. So, um, I may have actually made this game even more confusing for you because rather than just now, well, oh, well, what, how can I stop this cycle of bad decisions? Well, now we actually have more to consider. So you might have just wanted a simple, oh, well, it's because of this, but unfortunately it's not. It's rarely just because of one particular thing because, of course, as humans, we're very nuanced. We act in individual ways. We're all similar, but we all have our unique traits and personality types and so on. And our expectations are different also. So what might be a poor decision for you might actually be a good decision for me. What might be a poor outcome for you might be a good outcome for me, and so on. So we have to consider things within the context of ourselves, and we have to be honest about, well, was it really a poor decision, or was it just an undesired outcome, or Was it a good decision? But then once I'd made the decision, maybe I didn't like the fact that, well, now that means I have to do this, this, and this. Because often that's also the case. It's like we will make a decision and then we'll convince ourselves that it was a poor decision, not because it really was, but because we feel uncomfortable to take the action that that decision now requires us to take. So that could be, oh, well, actually, I want a better fucking relationship. I'm sick of my partner nagging all the time. I'm sick of us arguing over dumb shit, which happens to many of us. You know, I've been through those phases as well, and I'm sure my partner could tell you all about it. But the truth is, we get to a point sometimes where we're like, I'm not fucking having this shit no more. But even though we come to that decision in mind, sometimes we don't actually have the balls and the courage to follow through on the conversations that are going to be needed. Those awkward, tricky conversations where you've actually got to be honest about how you feel, where you also have to sit and allow space for them to be honest about how they feel without you getting triggered, and vice versa. So there is often a very uncomfortable period of time that we have to go through, and awkward and uncomfortable situations that we have to go through before we can get the desired outcome that will then confirm that the decision we made was a good one or not. Now, of course, at times we might actually make those decisions, follow through on those actions, and still not get the outcome that we want. Unfortunately, that's the way of the world. Not everything turns out exactly as we wish. But that again doesn't necessarily mean that it was a bad decision. Perhaps it was necessary to get the relationship to the point it needed to be, whether that is, oh, we fixed it, we're now deeply or more deeply connected, and we have a stronger relationship than ever, or turns out it just showed us that we're not supposed to be together anyway. And this is the same whether we're talking business, it's the same whether we're talking being, in terms of our certainty and our purpose, or whether we're talking our body and our health and our fitness, there are going to be decisions that we need to make, there are going to be actions that we need to take, and there are going to be resulting outcomes. And the outcomes nor the actions necessarily determine whether that decision was good or bad. It's the meaning that the— that we then apply to that experience that will determine it. So I'll leave that with you guys tonight. So have a think about that for yourself. If you feel like you're caught in a cycle of decisions because you keep experiencing things that you don't really want. Maybe it's not so much the decisions, maybe it's just the outcomes. Maybe the actions in between are not what are required. Or maybe it's a case of actually you do need to change the decisions. Maybe you need to have more courage to make decisions that are actually in alignment with what you want as an outcome and not what you expect others want, because that's often what we do. We will, we will take actions and we will do things and think in certain ways because we think that's what's expected of us or that's what will make make some— somebody else happy. And often that leaves us a place of unhappiness, feeling like we've made the wrong decisions, feeling like we're living someone else's life, and ultimately being unfulfilled in this journey that we're actually on. So I'll leave you guys with that tonight. As always, any questions, drop them in the comments below. And if not, I look forward to chatting with you guys in my next video. Take it easy, people.
