Should we use "Past Failures" or "Future Aspirations" to motivate us?

So a couple of weeks ago, I put a post in my private Facebook group asking the guys in there, do you use your past failures or your future aspirations as your source of motivation? Now, of course, I got a mixed response. Some people were saying it's past failures. You know, I don't like to fail, it makes me feel bad. So I use that as motivation, motivation to run towards my goal. Because I'm running away from the failures I've had. And then of course, other people were like, no, for me, it's my future aspirations, my goals, my targets. They inspire me to step up and move forward and help me to create motivation and momentum. So of course, both are usable, both get good results. Now, if I'm honest, the unfortunate thing is for most people, past failures tend to be a greater motivator than our future aspirations. It's like we like the idea of new things, bigger things, better things for ourselves, but quite often the fear of ending up back where we were or experiencing a past failure will be a greater motivation for us than that future aspiration. It's like, I don't want to feel that shitty again, so in order to prevent that, I'm going to make sure I do X, Y, and Z so that I can get to that outcome. The catch with this, however, even though that is an energy that tends to encourage us to take more action and more quickly, the catch is it can be quite fucking exhausting. Now, the reason for that is because we're running away from something rather than running towards something that's motivating us, inspiring us, and, and lifting our energy up. Instead, we're running away from something that drags our energy down. Now, the past thing drags your energy down, but so does trying to get away from it and prevent yourself from experiencing that thing again. Now, the catch we have is seeing a past negative experience as a failure is simply a case of perspective. Now, for many, they would say, well, there's no such thing as failure. We only have lessons or learning, or we have wins, success. So yes, the past experience didn't go in the way I wanted, but what did I learn? I was able to take a lesson from that that helped to improve my future gains and success. So therefore, there's no such, or there's not really such thing as a failure. It's just an opportunity for me to learn something about myself or the thing I'm trying to do. Now, that's a great way to think of it and to kind of look at it. It's a great perspective to have, but it's very difficult for some people. So sometimes we have to actually sit with ourselves and go, okay, well, was this thing truly a failure, or is it that I feel I'm a failure? So therefore that must have been a failure. Because sometimes it's more about how we see ourselves, and then we project how we see ourselves onto that particular experience. So it's almost like, well, no matter what that experience was or how good or bad that it was, it's going to be a failure anyway because I ultimately am a failure, or I'm not as good as I want to be. And sometimes this comes from experiences where, for example, no matter how well you seem to do in school with your grades and, and courses and this and that, you never got the praise that you felt you deserved or the praise that you were hoping to get from those you saw in authority. So maybe your parents, maybe teachers and so on. It's like no matter what you seem to do, no matter how hard you tried, it was just never good enough. Now, because of course, in those moments we were made to feel shitty. We had a negative emotional response and a negative emotional experience around that thing. We no longer want to feel like that, experience that, so we try to run away from it. The catch is we adopted that idea as our identity, or at least as part of our identity. So no matter how fast we run away from this previous or past experience, we can't actually get away because it's within us. We have taken some of that identity that we adopted and we've brought it with us from our past. So unless we can let go of that and go, oh, actually, Regardless of how these people saw me, that was actually only their experience. So what they were saying was not necessarily fact. And even if it was, I didn't need to adopt the idea that that makes me a failure. So instead, what it could be is, okay, well, maybe I could have done better. Perhaps I should have tried harder. Maybe if I'd put in a bit more time, I'd have gotten a better grade or a better result in this particular thing. But regardless of that, whether I did well or not is my task. It has nothing to do with them. My achievements have no bearing on them. They think it does, which is quite often why our parents, for example, are often like, oh well, you should have this, you could have that, and you know, you've got to get good grades and so on. Most of the time, unfortunately, our parents, etc., only want us to get good grades so they look good. Oh, my child got amazing grades, so it makes them look like a good fucking parent. And that's not to say they're not a good parent, but ultimately their own ego is wrapped up in your achievement. Whereas if they were smart about it or if they came from a more positive parenting perspective, it would be a case of it doesn't matter what grade you get as long as you tried your best, because your grade doesn't influence how much I do or don't approve of you or how much I do or don't love you. The catch is, for many parents, it's difficult to do that. Because they feel like they've gone all in and they've given everything to you. It's like, well, now you need to pay them back by being the perfect child and acting exactly how they want you to and getting the exact outcomes that they want you to so that they get the experience that they're after. And quite often, unfortunately, that's where they're trying to mask or hide their own potential or their own possible failures when they were growing up. Maybe they didn't get the grades that they wanted, so now they're trying to live through you. Maybe they didn't have the career that they wanted, so they're trying to live that career or work-based experience through you. Now, of course, on the flip side, it's not always like that. Some of them are super high achievers, and therefore, they expect the same of you. And there's no reason why you can't be. It's just you may not want to be an achiever in the same way that they want you to be, but you feel obligated to because if you don't, they'll disapprove of you, they'll be disappointed, and again, they'll have a negative experience because you didn't do what they said you should do. So we need to be careful because we carry a lot of this bullshit with us way, way into our adulthood. And it tends to influence the way that we act, the way that we think, the way that we feel on a daily basis. And it will affect the results that we have because quite often we get stuck and we struggle to achieve the things we say we want because we don't really fucking want them. We have chosen those goals and those outcomes, but more because they were given to us by someone else. We, we think or perceive these other people to have certain expectations of us, so we try to fulfill those expectations because it's like, oh, if I achieve this, they'll feel good about me, so now I'll feel good about me as a result. So we need to be careful when we're using past failures and past feelings and experiences rather than our future aspirations or even, um, our present aspirations. You know, for some of us, it's a case of Well, I don't want to be a victim of other people's thoughts, feelings, and opinions anymore. But it can be hard to let go of that stuff until we do the work, until we sit with ourselves and kind of analyze some of these experiences that we have or had, allow ourselves to go back through that emotional response and then kind of discern for ourselves whether that was a wise thing to have, to have taken on or given that particular meaning to. Because quite often what we find is it wasn't. It was, it was unnecessary for us to do that. But it felt like the right thing to do at the time. It served us in that moment, but it no longer does. So we need to get good at identifying these things so that we then have the choice to let go of them. Once we choose to let go, because I know I'm a responsible adult, I don't need the external influence of others in order to make the right decisions for me. I no longer want to live this negative repeated pattern of behavior that I have been. I want to move forward. Into a more positive future and run towards my future aspirations rather than continue to run away from my past failures, my past negative experiences, and my past negative beliefs around what I, or what I believe or feel other people expect of me. So I know that's a little bit kind of deep and whatnot, but unfortunately, these are some of the things that drive us. And until we have the courage to go back and explore them, Sometimes we get stuck and we find that no matter what we seem to do, whether we know what we're supposed to do or not, we just can't consistently do it. We start and we fall off. We start and we fall off. So sometimes we actually, as I say, have to have the courage to go back, look at these things, explore them, and then decide and discern for ourselves if that's a story or a narrative or a belief or an experience that we want to continue serving. Many of the time we don't, so then obviously we have to have the courage to let that go so that we can move forward into the positive future that we're looking for. That is all I have for you guys today. As always, if you have any questions, let me know. And of course, don't forget to like this, share this, subscribe if you need to or want to, and I look forward to chatting with you guys in my next video.