Tyrone Bray explains why people regain weight after losing it: they change their actions but not their identity. He argues you have to become the person who stays lean, not just do the things that person does. Fear of losing friendships or status often blocks this shift, but Bray says that loss is rare; you usually just get a new relationship with what you already have.
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Morning people, what's up? So my question for you today initially is, have you ever noticed how many of us tend to get stuck in this place of we know what it is we need to do, but for some reason we struggle to actually do those things and continue to make ourselves do them consistently enough to reach our goals? Or we tend to do the thing enough to reach the goal, but then after a short period of sort of celebration and enjoying that new place, we then end up gradually letting ourselves regress back to where we were before. Now, the catch-22 with this is, of course, we all have goals that we want to achieve, and ideally we want to obviously reach them and maintain them, and we want to be able to do the things necessary to get there. But the reason we tend to get stuck is because we're not actually, or we haven't actually considered the fact that we need to change ourselves. So we'll sometimes change the things that we do in order to get the thing that we want, but we forget that we actually have to change ourselves at the level of being as well. We have to actually become a new person in order to have this new outcome and maintain it in our lives. But the catch is we often resist change so much that we can do a temporary stint of a new action or a new behavior, but we won't do it to the point where it becomes a habit and actually becomes part of us because deep down we don't really want to change. We want the outcome. We love the idea of having this new thing in my life, whether it's weight loss or more money or better relationships, but deep down there's this part of us that's worried if we change, then the current reality we have, we're going to lose that. So certain friends that we have and relationships that we maybe have now, we're worried that perhaps those people won't like us if we change and become a new person. Or maybe some of the things that we've already achieved in life, we may feel we might have to sacrifice or lose or give up in order to have these new things. Now, often that's not actually the case. We may change in relation to those things slightly, but it's very rare that we actually have to lose them in— excuse me, very rare that we have to lose them in order to gain something new. We maybe just have to develop a new perspective towards that thing or a new relationship with it that may be slightly different to before, but very rare do we actually have to lose it. So my question for you today ultimately is, who do you have to become in order to become the person that can actually achieve the thing that you want and then maintain it for the rest of your life? Now, of course, there will be occasions where you don't need to, to maintain this thing for life. You just need to, to reach a certain point for a given period of time. That's fine. But the catch for most of us is they are things that we want to maintain for life, but we get there but we just don't have the power or the capacity to maintain it beyond a momentary period. So we need to understand that without changing ourselves, then there will be no permanent change in our reality. Now, it can be a hard thing to do, of course, and it will take some work sometimes. But if you're willing to kind of sit back and understand where you are right now, why you really want this thing, and how it's actually going to positively impact your life, then you're more likely to maintain it once you get there and understand and appreciate and accept the fact that, oh, in order to have this thing and to keep it, I probably need to change too. And I'm happy with that. I'm cool with that. And if others around me don't like it, well, that's no big deal because that's their task. So it's their task to decide whether they like you or not. It's not your task to ensure that they like you. But that's another conversation that we'll get into on a different day. Now, ultimately, you probably get what I'm talking about here. You maybe heard the model of Be-Do-Have, which sort of states that, well, you first have to become the person you need to be in order to consistently do the things you need to do in order to have what you want in life. Now, that's true. We do have to become the person first. But one little nuance I will just mention, and I'll go into this in a— sorry, I'll go into this deeper in a different video. But this being aspect, quite often it's very difficult to just be the new person without actually doing something as well. So it's almost like the model should be do, be, do, have. So it's like, here are some things you need to do in order to become this person that will consistently do the things necessary to have those things in life. So that's what I'm going to leave you with today, guys. That's your question for the week to ask yourself. Who do I need to become in order to achieve the things I want in life and then maintain them so that I don't keep ending up back where I am right now. Of course, any questions, let me know in the comments below, and if not, I shall chat to you guys soon. Take it easy.
