Why You Never Change (Even When You Want To)

I don't have time is the biggest piece of bullshit that I've ever heard from anyone's mouth. You're not stuck because life's coming in the way. You're stuck because you're more comfortable being where you are.

The thing is, if you don't know what you're committed to, all you do have to do is look at your life.

Not your goals, not your intentions, your life. Because your life is the greatest reflection of what you're choosing right now. Nina Amir has guided thousands of writers from being, I've always wanted to write a book, to actually completing one.

The brain says, no, no, no, no, no, that's dangerous, because it can't tell the difference between when you are being chased by a mountain lion compared to you are trying to develop a new habit, a new behavior.

And this brain, our dear brain, it's a primitive organ. It's a terrible, terrible master, but it is a great servant.

What do runners do? Runners run. Every day they run. That's what they do. What do writers do? Writers write.

And after today's episode, you will stop wanting to be ready to do something, and instead you will realize what you're great at and start acting right now. Let's begin. Most people don't change because they lack information, because information today in this world of AI is aplenty. But people are unable to change because they don't have the desire. or the pain enough to drive something new, to do something else. And today I have with me on the podcast, Nina Amir. And what we'll be exploring is what it actually takes to ignite change and why do certain people stay stuck even when they know that there's a better future that awaits them. Welcome, Nina, to the podcast.

Thank you so much. I'm honored to be here and excited for our conversation.

Absolutely. As I was preparing for this, Nina, what was coming to me was that I often Have this conversation. I don't know where I read this, but sometimes when people say that they want to change something about their life, then ask them like, how much do you really want change? And the ideology that I give them is that if I force your head underwater, which sounds really painful and I'm not going to do that to anyone, but if I force your head underwater, in that moment, what is it that you need the most? And mostly 99.9% of the time, the answer is air. I feel if we can today, by the end of our conversation, ignite that energy in people, ignite that spark in people, ignite that desire to change in people, that all they're seeking is air, all they're seeking is change, I think our job will be well done. What, what do you think?

I think so too. I think so too.

Amazing. And, and to kick us off, we put ourselves into the deep end of the pool and we ask our guest that if that 8-year-old Nina The little kid growing up wherever you were, if that 8-year-old comes and meets you right now, what kind of a conversation do you think will emerge between the two of you?

Well, I think the conversation that I would have with my 8-year-old self would be around personal and spiritual growth. So I believe we forget who we are when we enter this world, you know, when we're born. And so I would be reminding the 8-year-old that once upon a time they were, they had a very clear connection to the spiritual side of things, to the spiritual being inside the human body. And then I would be talking to them about, about the personal growth side, because the issue is that when, as life goes on, we get programmed, we get, we get like onion layers, right? On top of us. us. And that stops us from being who we really are. And it stops us from being able to create what matters to us. I think we are creators and we stop being able to create because we begin interpreting, we're interpreting machines. And so we start interpreting everything that happens. And so I would be telling this 8-year-old, well, most of what you believe to be true isn't true. It's just an interpretation you made. about something. And now that story you're telling, which is informing your identity, is impacting everything. And you have to drop the story and these interpretations and go back to a much purer identity, you know, an identity that helps you create what matters. And again, I believe we are creators at our core. That's who we are, are creators. Problem is we're creating things we don't want because of all these stories and identities that are not true about ourselves. So I would be trying to lay the groundwork and the programming with this 8-year-old in a way that allows them to live their life to the fullest and to their fullest potential.

I love all of these ideas, every single one of them, and I deeply resonate with all of them. But here's where I step into that 8-year-old's shoes. Which I think is also a lot of our listeners, and does not mean that listeners are 8 years old, but I think it just takes some kind of a leap. And that's what I'm going to try and take out from you today. What, to that 8-year-old, how would you explain it to them? To being who you really are, to living a life that you truly want, to that you've forgotten who you truly are, and your pursuit and your purpose of life could be to just go back and meet that true self. How do you define that to someone who's 8 years old or who's not even on that journey?

The thing is that an 8-year-old somewhere in there still has a memory. There's a memory of who they are. There's a lovely story that way back when I was a lot younger, I became a rebirther, which is a breathing technique that takes you back to your birth. And I read a bunch of books about what babies remember from being in utero. There was a very interesting story that always makes me cry. So hopefully I'm not going to get all choked up, but a young couple comes back from the hospital with their new baby and they already have a child at home. And The child sees the baby and they put the baby in the crib in the nursery and turn on a monitor so that they can hear the baby. And the little boy comes over and says, can I, you know, may I go in to talk to the baby? And they're a little nervous because some children are jealous and, you know, might want to hurt the baby. So they leave the monitor on and they tell him he can go in. And he goes to the crib and he puts his hands on the bars of the crib and he looks at the baby and he says, Would you please tell me what God looks like? Because I've forgotten. Yeah. So to me, at 8 years old, there's not that much distance, and yet they've forgotten. But if you remind them, they're more likely to remember. And if you can give them ways to feel that or see that, to know that they're always connected to something bigger than them, then you put them on a different path. And if you can't do that, then at least if you're telling them, if you ask the 8-year-old, who do you think you are? Or what characteristics do you have? And if they say something like, well, I think I'm stupid. Well, now you can begin asking questions about why do you think you're stupid and what happened to you that made you think you're stupid? Oh, well, I was at school and the teacher gave me back my math paper and said I was stupid and that I wasn't good at math. And so, you know, and then I have a friend or there's a group of friends, they don't really like me. They tell me I'm stupid, so I must be stupid. And now your 8-year-old has this identity of being stupid, but you can begin to break that down and say, that's just their opinion. Just because you didn't do well on a math test doesn't mean you're stupid or even that you're bad at math. It, you know, it, and so you can begin to break it down for them because most parents are unconscious to these things and they, they don't realize how their child is being programmed and how their identity is being shifted and limited.

So that story, that moment when you asked that question, I could like feel a rush of sensations. I can call them goosebumps. All over my body, from my head to down to my toe. And I'm, I'm thinking the level of wisdom that kid, that little child, that little, that little child, but that evolved soul had in that moment was, was, was magical. And then it also brings me to this point you're saying that most parents are unconscious and being a parent of 2 kids who are 15 and 12 now, It also puts so much responsibility and also joy of raising human beings where the stories that are being told to them do not end up defining them. So now we, we have someone who's listening to us who's been defined with those stories, whether they were called stupid while they were growing up, or they were called that you'll never be able to lead, or they were called that you'll never be worth anything. You are useless. You are going to be lost forever. You will not make a living. And all of these are not something that I'm making up right now. These are very real comments that the world gives to each human being. And now all they're doing is trying to break away from these stories, but they come back to them because these stories are so strong. So where does that person begin, Nina?

That's a really good question because they, The stories are habitual, right? And if we get triggered, the other night I said something to my husband and I mean, and he's 70, right? And, you know, I said something to him and then what came out of his mouth was like this old story, you know, about I never do anything right. And I was like, but that, you know, anyway, I think that as parents, We have to begin reprogramming the stories. So I'm working on a book right now that is a kind of elaborate process of rewriting stories, but anything you can do to break your stories down and begin to see the truth in them, or even just to get, well, the truth is like get to the facts because the interpretation is not the facts. Like if you just went with a reporter, who, what, where, when, why, and how, you would have some facts without any interpretation. And so you have to begin helping them see that things are not the way they're perceiving them. It's just an interpretation. It's just a perception. And what is real? What is real? And Byron Katie, her big question, she's an author. Her big question is, Is it true? And so I think one way to break it down is to ask that question. Is it true? Okay, you said, told me you're stupid. So now you have this identity of I'm stupid, right? Because anything I am is an identity. I am stupid. Well, can you tell me about, you know, is that really true? Well, everybody says it. Okay. Beyond that, is it true? Do you have evidence that you were ever smart? Ah, well, now, yes, I got an A on my English paper and I read 100 books in kindergarten. And so you start developing evidence for the opposite. And then you can, at whatever age, you can begin using that evidence to rewire your brain. Every time you say, I'm stupid, you go, oh, but wait, That's, I know that's not actually true because of these other things. I have this evidence to prove that that is not correct about me. I'm actually smart. I don't know if that answered your question.

It does. It does. And like, I'm trying to synthesize it into its simplest form because what I'm hearing you say is that I think it first needs that It's that awareness, right? That, that how is that story serving you? Like, is that, like, is that story of being called stupid or being called whatever, is that serving you or not? And then you're saying, let's reprogram. I love the question, by the way. Is it true? A simple 3-word question, not complex. Just ask yourself, is it true? And then keep going down that exploration to reprogram what your thoughts— But again, Going back to what you and I started the conversation with, we all understand this at a, at a subconscious slash conscious level, and we feel that yes, we want to change the identity. Yes, we wanna do something. But so I've seen so many capable, smart, intelligent, very thoughtfully intentional people resist change. Where does that come from?

That comes from the brain.

This brain, I don't like it very much.

The brain is stupid. Anyway, let's give it a new identity. Anyway, the brain, part of the brain, the amygdala, or sometimes we call the reptilian brain, its job is to keep us safe. And so when we say, I want to change, even for the better, I want to stop calling myself stupid. I want to stop saying I'm fat and perceiving myself that way. I want to stop having that identity. Then, and you choose a way to do that. I'm going to do affirmations or whatever, right? The brain says, no, no, no, no, no, that's dangerous because it can't tell the difference between when you are being chased by a mountain lion Compared to you are trying to develop a new habit, a new behavior, right? It doesn't know the difference. And so it's going to tell you to stop, to not change. So that's number one. Number 2 is, and this goes along because it is a kind of a function of the brain as well. And that is that we, you know, it's like when somebody comes to you and says, I've always wanted to write a book. It's really important to me. I want to be an author. There's another identity. I wanna be an author. I wanna write a book. I wanna make a difference with a book. And I just don't ever do it. Like I never write it, or I start writing and then I stop, or I don't write consistently, or I, all the stuff, right? The issue is, number one, the brain is going, no, no, no, no, don't do that. There's something scary about it. And number 2, the person is more committed to not writing the book than writing the book. And the reason they're more committed to not writing the book, even though if you tell them that they're gonna argue, the reason they're not committed is because they're afraid that the brain's telling them that there's a reason to be afraid. And they are also more committed to their comfort level.

Yeah.

They wanna stay comfortable and sitting down, and we'll just stick with that example, writing the book takes them out of their comfort level. And they don't see that because they're just like, but I really wanna write it. Like it'd be fun and I'd like it and blah, blah, blah. But it means they have to change something because they're not making time to write the book now. They're not committing to it and something has to change. And so they prefer to be Uncomfortable in their comfortableness.

Uncomfortable in their comfortableness.

Yeah, or in their comfort zone. They'd rather be, however you want to say it. But yeah, because they're uncomfortable. I want to write the book, but I'm not writing the book. Hey Nina, could you please help me because I'm not writing the book? Could you help me get over this stuck place? Really, they don't want to change. Okay, so I tell them, well, Okay. So you need to go to bed half an hour earlier and get up half an hour earlier so that you have an hour to write your book. Oh, but you know, that's uncomfortable. I don't want to go to bed earlier and I don't want to get, you know, get up earlier. I don't want to do any of that. And so they're not going to do it. And, and we're committed to our comfort zone.

Yeah.

And the thing is, if you don't know what you're committed to, all you do have to do is look at your life. Because the things that you do every day in your life, that's what you're committed to. If you're sitting on the couch eating Fritos and streaming Netflix, that's what you're committed to.

Correct.

And writers will say to me, but you know, okay, but my reading time. And I'm like, well, I'm not saying you shouldn't read, but are you sitting around reading, you know, novels for 3 hours every day? Because if you are, you could cut 2 of those hours out and have them to write. I don't know, but I don't, I like reading my books. Okay. So that's where you're, that's your commitment. You're not committed to writing. Hmm.

What are the dangers of comfort? Because you're, you're talking about the comfort zone. You're talking about that you gotta commit to being uncomfortable to get outta that comfort zone. But what's the danger of the comfort zone that will prompt someone right now to think about like, let me get the shit out of it?

Well, the comfort zone is gonna keep you in the, in The comfortable life. So I'm a high-performance coach, a certified high-performance coach, and we talk about the comfortable life, the caged life, the comfortable life, and the charged life. So the caged life is, I can't change. I tried it all. I can't change. Brendon Burchard describes it like a lion at the zoo and he's at the back of his pen and he's looking super angry because he knows he can't get out. He knows nothing he does is going to change anything for him, right? So that's caged. And a lot of us feel that way. We're caged by our circumstances, our finances, whatever. Then we have the comfortable life. So when you move out of the caged life, you are in this comfortable place. And a lot of times we don't want to change that. We're like, well, I know it could be better, but it's really comfortable. So I think I'll just stay here. And what we don't realize is on the other side of that is the caged life. I'm sorry, the charged life. And the charged life is where you're operating on all your cylinders and you're fulfilling your potential and you're fulfilling your purpose. And it's exciting and you feel passionate and, you know, everything about it is amazing. And yet we want to stay in the comfortable place. And again, the brain is telling us to do it, that it's scary that we're going to risk all that comfort for something that we don't even know whether it's going to work out. And yeah, and yet, you know, if we go a little spiritual here and woo-woo maybe, if you start talking about intuition or inspiration, I believe that's how the soul speaks to you. And if your soul never tells you to do something that is physically dangerous, like where you're going to be in harm's way physically, like that where you're going to die. But it's definitely uncomfortable. It's usually a stretch. It usually feels like definitely moving out of your comfort zone if you follow your intuition and your inspiration, right? But it's because people will say to me, I guess what I was thinking about is people will ask me, well, what's the difference between my intuition and my brain guiding me? Like, how do I know whether my brain is saying, don't do that because it's You know, you could die, or my intuition's saying, do it, you know, go do that. And the difference is that your intuition is always going to push you out of your comfort zone and to grow, to grow and to change and to fill your purpose and your potential. And the brain is always going to say, don't do it. Don't do it.

Don't do it. So the brain's the culprit. And I want to kind of bring out the book that you've written because it seems like a beautiful moment to talk about that. So the title of the book is Change the World One Book at a Time, which I love. Here's the contradiction in me that I've played through, and so I'd love to see how you help me resolve that. I love Simon Sinek's The Golden Circle, right? And so Why do you wanna write a book is something that I feel I need to answer that first before I leap onto that journey. But then that also becomes some level of procrastination. So what do you think, like if someone's trying to take this leap, what, go from cage to charge, how do they define their why and how would that help them on that journey?

It's super important, you know, even with writing the book and it can be procrastination. But I don't know that you always have to understand why. As I'm thinking about this, I think sometimes you can just do it because you feel intuitively that you should, or you feel passionate or inspired or motivated. And so you just follow that. But in order to continue, you need to know why. That big why, that meaning behind it. Why is this important to me? Where is this taking me? Does this feel like a sense of purpose or calling, or is this just something, you know, nice I want to do, or is it fun, or, you know, is there something bigger to it, or is it just fun and interesting, you know? But the chat— my book has a whole chapter on purpose. So your own purpose as a writer and the purpose of the book, because 'Cause here's the thing, you could sit down and start writing your book or anything, start a business, start painting, whatever it is, and not follow through. And the reason you don't follow through is you don't have a strong enough sense of purpose, because if you did, you would want to keep going because it would have meaning for you. If it doesn't have meaning, then why bother?

Yeah. Yeah, I like that framing that you don't need the why to start, but then as you evolve on that journey, you need the why to keep you going. I think that's a beautiful frame. It's almost like motivation can get you started, get you to the gym, get you to do whatever you want to do, but you need to have the discipline to keep going. You need to know why you're doing that. So I love that framing. But what I remember from our call that we had to come to this podcast, you spoke a lot about amplifying the pain, which was a very counterintuitive idea in that moment for me. So how do you think amplifying the pain becomes a lever for change?

So if you're here and you want to be here, that gap causes pain. And so marketers will always Talk about that gap. And so a very typical question might be, if nothing changes, where will you be in 5 years? Nothing changes, where will you be in 10 years? Okay, now you're amplifying the pain. And people will say, well, I'll be in the same place. Well, do you want to be in the same place? No. Okay. Well, then it's time to do something different. Right. So it isn't a, I don't know, it's a way of inspiring and motivating people to move. But I will say that it's an interesting thing that there are people who will be told, you know, if you don't change your diet then and lose some weight, you're going to, you know, you have a 90% chance of dying in the next 2 years, right? And they still don't do it. But for them, somewhere there's not enough pain. Not enough pain, not enough of, well, if I don't change anything and I die in 2 years, then, you know, as I'm lying on my deathbed, how will I feel? For some of them, I guess, I don't know, 'cause it wouldn't be me, but, you know, they must be saying, I'll be okay with that. I just wanna live my life the way I've been living it, comfortable the way I'm living it. And that's good enough for me. And then there are other people who are like, oh no, no, no, no. Like, that's not happening. And they go and they change their diet and they go to the gym and they do all the things because they want to stay alive. But then the question becomes, why? Why do you want to stay alive? Or why do you not care? Well, maybe the one person says, well, I don't know. I lived a good life and I'm happy with it. And If that's how, you know, my time to go is my time to go. The other person might say, well, I have kids who haven't even graduated high school and I want to be there, you know, to walk them down the aisle when they get married. And, you know, I want to spend time with my grandkids and I never went to Switzerland. And, you know, there are all these things I still want to do and I don't, you know, and I didn't write the books and I didn't, you know, there's too many things that I want to do that mean something to me. I will do whatever I can to be healthy.

Yeah. Yeah. I think there are a lot of variables there, right? As you were pointing out, because for someone, there's the threshold of pain that they need to cross for the pain to become productive. For someone, that might be too high. And as I'm imagining that, a few people come to mind, right, who are in a state or were in a state where They had a few years to live if they did not change the status quo, if they did not change the comfortable zone, the cage zone that they were in. And still nothing happened for them because they were not ready to take the leap, and they're gone. And I'm, as I'm thinking about it, this relationship for pain could also then be attached to the stories that we tell ourselves.

Yeah, for sure. And it's attached for definitely to their commitment level. 'Cause they could go to the gym for 3 days and then stop. Well, so, okay, so what are you committed to? Are you committed to staying alive and being healthy, or are you committed to going back and sitting on the couch and dying in 2 years?

Yeah. Yeah. So the pain can either paralyze you or it can really make it productive for you and empower you up to go to the next level.

Yeah, I do think for some people it paralyzes them. I think that's a good Good way to say it, that they, it's just too much. Right. And they're, they, they go, well, I have to give up my ice cream and I have to, you know, go to the gym and lift weights, which is hard. And I have to walk every day. You know, I just don't want to live my life that way. That feels painful. I'd rather live the way I've been living.

Mm-hmm.

And die than do that. So yeah, it's what's painful for someone. And fear probably comes into that in other ways. I mean, there's the, oh, I'm afraid I'm going to die, but there could also be just, you know, the opposite of being afraid. Well, I don't know how to phrase this. It's interesting. My mother lived to be 99, and she should have technically been dead long before that. And even in the last year of her life, we were telling her, you know, Mom, just eat what you want. Stop worrying about salt and sugar and just, you know, enjoy your life to the best of your ability. And she had One, a strong desire to live, and 2, a big fear of dying. And so she was going to do everything she could to stay alive. So I don't know how that really fits into what we were saying, but there's just such a range of how people respond to the pain of—

Yeah.

That it's supposed to motivate us.

Correct.

Correct.

And I think it's a very precise, unique balance for each person, how they perceive this relationship of fear and pain and what they're feeling and what they want to do about it. And it could be different thresholds, like in your mom's case, like to have a desire to live. So that's one emotion, and then have a strong desire to not die. Both of them come together to make her do the actions that she did to stay up stay away, like, stay alive to 99, which is amazing, right? And I'm thinking, I think it's also that people don't have the time, the space, don't prioritize it, and then don't focus, as you were saying, on finding out who their best self could be, on finding out how you can go on that journey, or finding out what that journey could look like.

Yeah, because they're busy. You know, we're, we're a society of busy people and we don't take the time. And, and I think we're so caught up in our circumstances that we just don't see a way out. We're caged by our circumstances. And, um, people don't like it when I say this, but if, if you feel like you can't change your circumstances, then you're a victim. You're a victim of your circumstances because victims feel powerless. You could be a victim of some kind of abuse and not go around being, having the identity of a victim, right? Because you realize that you have the ability to, you know, maybe you didn't have ability to change that in the moment. But you have the ability to respond to it and to stand in your power and say, that won't happen again, or I'm going to fight for whatever, or that's never going to happen to me again, whatever. So you're standing in your personal freedom as opposed to, I'm a victim for life.

Yeah.

But to bring it back to circumstances, That's what happens is people are caged by their circumstances. They're a victim. They feel like they cannot change them and therefore they don't try to change themselves. What they don't realize is if they just stood in their personal power and made some personal choices to change themselves, their circumstances would change. I mean, you can say, I don't have the money. Okay. So are you going to stay stuck in, I don't have enough money and I'm someone who doesn't have enough money and my circumstances are that I can't pay my bills. Or are you going to stand in your power and say, I have freedom to make a different choice? Maybe I can't get out of my circumstances like this, but I can make a choice to be the type of person. So back to identity, to be the type of person who finds a better paying job or whatever it is that's going to take me out of this financial circumstance.

We cling to that identity. We savor that identity. We want to be so— and I had a coachee once, Nina. She said, I can't ever forget it. She said, for 40 years, I wanted to be the victim because I read somewhere growing up that victims have all the power. And it was mind-boggling for me in that moment to hear that because— and I asked her, how is that story now serving you? And she did not have an answer. And it's unreal how we cling to these identities and we feel that this identity serves us and we cannot let go of the identity.

Right. And yeah, and I don't always get it either because I'm like, if you don't like your circumstance, you have to be the person You have to decide to be a person, to take on an identity, to be a person who can take the actions that create the change you want. But first you have to change you. And the thing is that as soon as you decide, I'm the kind of person who whatever, the habits and mindsets of that kind of person set in. Now, do you have to keep reminding yourself? Yeah. But it's like deciding to Stop drinking Diet Coke. Okay. I've always been a Diet Coke drinker. I know it's bad for me. So instead of telling myself I'm a Diet Coke drinker, I'm going to tell myself I'm a water drinker. And now there's no choice. There's no decision to be made. Water or Diet Coke? It's always water. It's never Diet Coke because you don't, you're not a Diet Coke drinker anymore. You're a water drinker, right? And so you have the mindset of a water drinker. I drink water, right? And you have the habit. I drink water. I don't drink Diet Coke. That's an old habit. I don't have it anymore. And people don't realize that. I hate to say it's that easy, but it kind of is. You know, it's just decide who you want to be or who you need to be to create the change you want or to create what matters to you is what I always say. So I'll tell a quick story. There was, long ago I had this very nice morning routine, you know, and I'd get up and I'd meditate and I'd read and I'd journal and I'd do all the things. And it took a long time. And the busier I got, the less time I had for my morning routine. And Friends of mine who were coaches would coach me on it, and they're always just trying to set up what I'm gonna do every morning. I'm like, that is not the problem. The problem is not that I don't know how to do a morning routine, it's that I can't make the time for it, right? So I'm stuck in my circumstances. I don't have the time. One day I realized that the only reason I didn't have time for my morning routine was because I hit the snooze button on my alarm 3 times every morning. 40 minutes gone, or 30 minutes or whatever it is, right? And so I was losing all this time every morning just because I wasn't getting out of bed. And most of us realize that you hit the snooze button, you don't ever really go back to sleep. So it's kind of a waste. I was even listening to the, you know, the venerable monks who are walking for peace in the US. They talk about it. Alarm goes off, get up. You have better things to do.

Yeah.

Anyway, so one night I go to sleep and I say, okay, that's it. I am no longer a person who hits the snooze button in the morning. I am a person who gets out of bed in the morning. And the next morning the alarm goes off and of course it's habitual to hit the snooze button. So I hit the snooze button and then my mind clicked, you know, oh, but you know, my, the thought came in, but you said you weren't going to do that anymore. And so I turned off the alarm and I got out of bed and I've been doing it every day since. And I like to tell that story because people think it takes 30 days, 60 days, 120 days, whatever, to form a habit. It doesn't. Sometimes, yes. I'm not going to say never, but if you decide to shift your identity to be the person who has the habit you want, you will have it immediately.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think the only aspect I want to mark there is keep it like, keep it close to realism, keep it realistic. Like I would not say that tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up and run 100 meters in 12 seconds and try and beat Usain Bolt. I can go on that journey, but I'd say that my commitment is to do 25K every week. And that commitment is more reasonable. And so I absolutely agree with you. It's a light switch on, switch off. If it, if the light switches on and it vanishes the dark, that's how change can also happen if you're committed to it.

Right.

Yeah.

And I agree. I mean, you're not gonna go run a marathon the first day you decide to go out and run daily, but you can decide I'm a runner.

Yeah.

What do runners do? Runners run every day. They run. That's what they do. What do writers do? Writers write.

Yeah.

Right. So it, it's a matter of, again, you choose who you wanna be, your identity, and then the habits and mindset fall into place.

Yeah. And the circumstances and the actions, all of that.

Yes.

Love that. Choose who you wanna be. I think if, uh, yeah, if, if there's one theme that I feel And there's many others, but just choose who you want to be. And once you do that, it's like a domino effect. But what I also feel, and I get to this spiritual state as well, where I feel like every freaking cell of your body needs to believe that you've chosen that identity. It cannot be a makeshift. It cannot be that, oh, I'm going to say this in front of my friends and on social media, but I don't feel it.

Yeah, you, you have to choose it 100%. Tony Robbins says something like that, you know, once you make a decision, everything happens or what, I can't remember. But anyway, yes, you, you have to 100% to commit to that identity.

Yeah.

And I don't know, then, yeah. It's just, you know, like if you're gonna run, then you don't say today I'm not gonna do it.

Yeah.

You do it anyway.

Yeah. Yeah. And I also understand I'm gonna be like, I think of all the people who listen to this, not all will believe in this switch on, switch off. And for others for whom this might seem a path that is a path of resistance, Be patient with yourself, but take the actions towards that identity because if you don't, then you're never gonna get there. And then you might stay caged forever, which is not a good deal for this life that we've been given.

And so most people have a broken strategy in that they believe, when I have more money or when I have more time, then I can be happy or then I can be a writer. Or then I can be a runner. And that's backwards. It's a backwards strategy. It's broken because what you have to do is decide that you are a runner, a writer, financially abundant person, whatever it is, because then you can act like that person. And when you act like that person, you, when you have their habits and their mindset, you will do the things to create the money, the happiness, the time, whatever it is, right? You're going to do, but you have to be that person. Until you're that person, how are you ever going to do those things? But they say, I have to wait. I have to wait till whatever. Like, I can't be an author until I've published a book. Well, you can decide that you are an author inside and you can do the things an author does. What does an author do? They got to write the books. They have to publish them. They have to promote them. They have to do all the stuff. Right? And so, yeah.

Now, if we go step by step and we get to that, we started with that 8-year-old Nina who wanted to, to go back and connect to that higher purpose. And, and, and we now go to that 80-year-old Nina into the future Nina. And if that 80-year-old comes to you right now and has this one piece of advice for you, on how to live the rest of your years, what would that 80-year-old Nina tell you to do?

The 80-year-old Nina would tell me to live a life that feeds my soul. Do the things that I intuitively feel I want to do, the things that I'm inspired to do, I'm passionate about to, you know, and that's everything from Spend more time with my family, break down my heart walls, you know, write the books. Just don't worry about the rest. It'll fall into place. Just live a life that's aligned with your soul because your soul knows why you're here and what you're here to do, which goes back to the 8-year-old, right? That You know, we're all here for a reason and we, we forget the reason. But if we listen to our soul, if we listen to our intuition and our inspiration and our passion and all of those things, we will know what we're supposed to be doing. And, um, yeah. And with that goes living a life of no regrets. Don't put things off till later because later may never come.

It's almost so poetic. From the 8-year-old to the 80-year-old, how it all comes and connects together. To everyone who's still listening to both of us, um, at about 40-odd minutes into the conversation, live a life that feeds your soul. Everything will fall into place. Live aligned with what your soul's calling is. Change is easy, can be difficult for some, but choose who you want to be, and then your circumstances, your actions, everything starts to fall in place. We are a society of busy people, and we are caught up in our own circumstances, which keeps us caged. But you got to start that journey from being caged to comfortable to being charged. Sometimes you don't need to know what your why is, what your larger why is to start a journey. Just start, and then to keep going, that why will evolve. Our brain is at fault. Our brain, the reptilian brain, is programmed to resist change. If you have to change anything about who you are, whether writing a book, whether learning a new instrument or anything else in the world, or going back on that journey and connecting with your soul, you'll have to resist your brain. You'll have to overcome the brain. I'm reminded of that question that little boy asked. Ask yourself that question every day. Remind yourself what that God looks like, who you have forgotten. It's a deep personal/spiritual question, but I think it's a question worth asking. every single day. And we go to that 8-year-old Nina who started us off on the journey, that your purpose and your pursuit is to understand who you were before you were born and be who you really are. Thank you, Nina, for that wonderful conversation. Any thoughts before we close?

Thank you for having me. I loved the conversation and I guess my last thoughts as you were repeating all that is to remember that, you know, the little boy asking, what does God look like? The thing is that it's not about, you know, God per se, you know, not everybody likes that word. It's about realizing that you have a spark of divinity within you. That is the spiritual part. And it's always connected to source and We need to stop looking outside. Maybe that was the boy's— I never really thought about it this way, but maybe that's the problem with his question is that all you have to do is go inward and realize that you're connected. You are part and parcel of this something bigger, and that that part of you has a purpose and is creative and has freedom. And all those things. And when you remember that, it becomes easier to, to look at your circumstances or whatever and just say, well, they're just circumstances. I can change them. I can create something different.

Such a beautiful reframe to that question, and I absolutely love it. I think this, this life that we have is such a gift. And it is upon us then to ignite that spark. It is upon us to go on that journey. It is upon us to go inwards and have these beautiful answers emerge. And if anyone of our listeners want to connect with Dina, all the links will be in the show notes for her book, for her LinkedIn, all of that. And if you're listening still to us, I know parts of this conversation would hit home and parts would feel not, might not land for you, don't share this podcast with anyone because I think people are not yet ready for deep conversations like this. But if you feel there's someone in your network who will resonate with this, who will go and ask himself or herself that, what is that inner journey that I'm ready to take, then absolutely send it to them and make them listen to it. Like, sit with them and maybe watch them watch the podcast together. And if you're here on YouTube, put something in the comments. Nina and I are watching, listening, and seeking as to what landed for you. This is Utkarsh and Nina signing off.

Thank you.