ADHD Confidence on Camera | Kareena Kai | ADHD RISE Hosted by Val Nichols & Summer Christiansen

It's difficult because he is 18 and we can't always just— we can while he's in our home, but I'm a huge advocate of like helping yourself, you know? So at the same time though, he has mental health issues. And so I have to play that like middle ground. And sometimes it's hard because then he gets pissed because We're telling him what to do, but then he asks for help. You know what I'm saying?

It's like never-ending.

So yes.

Yes.

Welcome everyone.

Hey everybody. Oh my gosh, I am so excited for this conversation. So jump on that plus sign and let's pingy ping ping ping everyone in here. This is going to be super fun, you guys. We have such an awesome guest today. I'm so excited to have Karina here. She is so bold. She's beautiful. She's ADHD. She is all about self-love. She's a YouTube content creator and she's the creator of the Positivity Podcast, which is so awesome. And for those of you who don't know her, You're about to know and you need to get to know her because she is incredible. If you've ever been in a room with her, you know that she is just, I don't know, like magical. That's how I describe— that's what I think of when I think of you, Karina. Like you're this magical being that is, I don't know, like you're just, you're very vibrant. You're kind of my beat. Like you talk fast, you know, like ADHDers, like we get each other, right? Right. And so I am super excited to have Karina Kai here. She's going to be joining us and talking about her journey about being neurodiverse and really stepping into her confidence on camera because she does do a lot of— you do podcasting, you do a Clubhouse, you do YouTube, and that takes a lot of confidence and courage to be able to do that. So welcome, Karina Kai. Hello. Hello.

Hi.

Thank you so much, Val. Such a lovely introduction. Like, I was literally like smiling so hard. Like, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. It's so kind of you. Um, but like, oh my God, it's really interesting actually because I was— um, me and Chris were just in the room the other day and she kind of was describing— we were all kind of talking about the ways in which we had all connected and stuff. And like, it is really funny because how you mentioned I talk so fast. I think a lot of the connection that we have made has kind of been from seeing ourselves in one another, you know? And then through that as well, it's definitely built my confidence and like All a lot of the things that I like do online and stuff like that, it literally has all been to kind of improve my confidence. When I came on, I really I kind of in the in the I don't know what you call it in the normal world in real life. I'd been masking all along. I hadn't had my diagnosis or anything like that, but I had like a lot of suspicions. I was struggling a lot and stuff like that. But then coming on here and meeting all of you guys and like it's just been really great and it's been a huge part of like you know. building my confidence along the way, if that makes any sense. But yeah.

Oh, absolutely. It makes so much sense because I feel like since I've been in Clubhouse as well, I feel like I, I have built my confidence up a little bit because I was always really self-conscious about talking, even though I podcast, you know. Um, and I, I feel like it gives us an opportunity to talk to people also that we're comfortable with. So I think it's been a really, really good opportunity for all of us, honestly. And, and I've loved the the community on here. So yeah, Karina, I've seen you in lots of different rooms, so I think that's fantastic that you're here to talk about confidence on camera. Oh yeah, I'm excited to hear about this.

Yes.

Yeah. And what a great addition to the ADHD Rise events because, um, you know, that is the exact reason why we created this event was that, you know, we rise together. And that is so true and it's something I've discovered You know, I have people in here who are part of this event and have been hopping in the rooms who I know in my real life. You know, I've had clients come in here that are—they're like, man, you know, like this whole ADHD thing. Like I want to learn more. I want to educate. I want to be around my people. So they've joined in. We've had people hop in these rooms that you know have just gotten diagnosed, like freshly diagnosed, and come across the rooms. And you know, it's always such a joy to experience that feeling when someone says. I just got diagnosed. And they kind of have that hesitancy and we're like, yeah, welcome. We're so excited. And it is, it's this magical thing. I mean, I freaking love technology and I'm actually grateful for what the pandemic has allowed us in our lives. And one of those gifts is that we have, there has been so much innovation in connection, in prioritizing what is important. And for me, it's this community. The ADHD Rise, it's the ADHD people who come together and they get to be a part of it. So yes, very, very grateful for this.

Oh my gosh, Val. Yeah, no, because when you mentioned the pandemic, I would definitely say as well, kind of being forced into like kind of isolation in different kinds of ways forced me to stop because I was kind of overdoing it a lot as well in terms of like, you know, sensory aspects and being autistic and that. I definitely was like overdoing it and pushing myself to far, far limits. So I think having, having, you know, the permission to be a little bit more isolated helped me go within myself and have a lot more understanding. And that was what definitely led to a lot of confidence and stuff, because it was kind of just accepting who I actually am as a neurodiverse individual, as someone with ADHD and autism and stuff, and then kind of building from there rather than kind of this person I was like pretending to be and like putting all my energy into. And that was kind of making me appear confident to others, but then in reality, like, that my confidence was not there at all. And I definitely think even before we even talk about being confident on camera, like, confidence itself, it's a super, like, within thing. It's very much— I wouldn't say it's got nothing to do with how it feels on the outside, but I'm very sure both of you ladies know, like, thinking ADHD and stuff and the way we're able to perform, often what's— what it looks— things are like on the outside basically have no bearing on the reality of how confident we actually feel, if that makes sense. And that can really show on camera and has a huge effect in, like, how we communicate with others and how we, like, show up for ourselves and others, if that makes any sense.

I hope I'm making sense.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I think I'm making a clear point of some kind.

Oh, you are— no, you are not rambling, not at all. I totally, I totally agree with you because it's true. I, um, I was an opera singer. Well, I guess I am, but that's what I have my degree in. And it is, it's like a, it's a performing thing, and I'm able to put on that mask, but like Underneath it, deep inside, like I'm on stage and I'm like, I'm gonna forget my words, I'm gonna forget what I'm doing. Like honestly, 'cause I have such a hard time with like my working memory. And so no, it totally, it totally makes sense because we're good at orchestrating and organizing and making everything look good, but on the inside it really is hard to feel confident. So yes, I totally know what you're talking about. Val, did you want to say something?

Oh, I think I unmuted on accident. But yeah, totally same. One of the gifts that over this last period, I'm a pretty confident person in my business and showing up. However, what was shined for me, I should say and because it's a both/and conversation, what the light shined on for me is that I was exactly what you just said, Karina, Overdoing it, overcommitting. I was traveling a lot. Literally, I was out of town speaking or doing workshops more than I was home. And so, there's a part of that where there is an avoidance of looking at the inner self and looking at where am I getting my confidence from? Where am I chasing the meaning and significance? And for me, I remember probably about 6 months into the pandemic looking at my wall and there's this wall of awards and trophies and plaques just proving who I am, right? The title, the— I was a part of this organization, I was the president of this, I was that. And I remember looking at it going, what the hell does this even matter? You know, if at the end of the day, I'm not— if like, that doesn't mean anything. It's like I'm begging the world to love me. I'm begging for the world to approve me, to prove my worth, when really that value and that worth needs to come from me. And so that was a huge shift in, in my confidence of showing up. And so, yeah, I totally— I'm right there with you, girl. Like, everything you're saying is making total sense.

Oh my God, Val, when you mentioned your— like, when you described yourself looking at your trophy cabinet, that moment, I literally had a physical flashback to myself going through my thick, like, folder of certificates and different qualifications and so many different things. And it's like, This is literally— these are the things that we throw ourselves into. And it's really— it's so interesting because obviously, you know, we are individuals that kind of want to learn and do so much, and we're so, like, you know, aspirational in so many ways. But it's like we do struggle to kind of focus on, you know, I mean, we get hyper-focused onto, like, one thing and that kind of thing, and we want to kind of be the best in that thing. And, and then we just collect and collect all these things, but kind of what— I guess in a way to prove things a lot of the time to others and, like, show that, yeah, this is us, this is who we are. But yeah, that reality, much like you said, said, it's just like, what is it really for? What is your driving force? Like, what— I don't know, what, what things really make you feel like you're valuable within yourself, basically? And yeah, but yeah, thank you so much for sharing that, Val. I just wanted to welcome the lovely Guthrie to the stage. Um, she is like so, so awesome, and she kind of is like kind of in that early stage as well. Not the early stage, but like kind of the cusp of like understanding herself when it comes to having ADHD, and even in terms of like her daughter as well, and neurodivergent aspects as well, like going through the journey whilst also getting your child through it. And I just think she's so, so awesome. And so I just wanted to welcome Gayathri to the stage.

Oh, Karina, I love you so much. Thank you so much for inviting me here. And as soon as I saw Val putting up the invitation in Facebook, I was like, oh yes, I jumped into it. And you guys don't know how much of a difference you guys are doing in my life. This whole of October has been so enlightening, so informative. And yes, like, I am in the initial stages of healing, but I have, you know, already in the process of understanding myself for more than a decade now. But as soon as I got diagnosed, this is a whole different show. So especially relating with people who have ADHD, has built my confidence even more. So that's why I jumped into this as soon as I saw the topic, because confidence, oh my goodness, that is something really I always struggled, uh, all my life, uh, having CPTSD, uh, self-esteem was hit so bad, uh, so even though, uh, I have a good, uh, degree in Master's of Social Work and I I worked as an HR, I still struggled with confidence. Like, I used to get burnt out working like hell. Like, I was a workaholic. But like when Val said, I was able to relate so much because I used to completely put myself through myself into work so that I don't think about myself. And that was a way of escaping to, you know, escaping from processing what I need to process for myself. So that is Completely, completely important, or you know that's so significant in our personal growth, and actually that makes us who we are. It is a vital part of our development, and actually I should say this: when Karina, I mean when we had the conversation yesterday, remember we I had a bad screw up yesterday in the appointment, and then I came home. I told everything that happened to my husband, and. He was like, oh wow, that's awesome. You have friends now to back you up. I was like, yeah, if not for Karina and her team and the room, I would have come home in a bad mood. But that didn't happen. So you guys literally changed my day. And I also said that the way you speak, how fast you speak, Karina, I'm such a fan of that because I used to be that when I was in college. Like, my— I was so ridiculed upon because of my fast, um, vocabulary or, uh, the way I speak. So I had to slow down just to please people, and it impacted me so much, impacted my confidence. And if not for that, you know, because I made it in, you know, I let it internalize into me and all that ableism get into me, I, I lost a lot of myself or who I wanted to be. So it is so important, uh, to be who we are because we get to become some other person's inspiration someday. Like Karina, you are my inspiration, and there are so many people who have inspired me, especially in this, uh, ADHD Rise rooms. And I'm so thankful and grateful to you all. I love you all. Thank you. guys doing.

Oh, Gayathri, stop, you're gonna make me cry.

I can't wait to get on a Zoom with you later. But like, yeah, no, of that last bit that what you just said about like me being an inspiration to you is like, oh, just huge. Like, don't say something like that, I'm gonna get emotional. But that being said, I can totally— and that's why I was super excited when I kind of heard you coming and sharing our rooms, because I could literally— I could remember so clearly how I felt, you know, months back in terms of making that realization, starting to understand yourself, and then kind of looking around and understanding that, oh, I'm not actually like the people around me. Oh, I'm Okay, and then kind of those feelings of isolation, and then kind of coming on here and then seeing people that actually are like you, and getting to see yourself like reflect in others and understand, and start to actually not only understand but start to work out and really relearn the idea that, oh, actually I'm not a freak, then fine, my brain does think this way. And, and you mentioned like the way that, you know, the fastness of my speech, um, I think that's really interesting. I think we obviously naturally tend to speak quite fast for the most part because our brains think a lot faster. That's just naturally how, you know, our Our brains think much faster. Our brains tend to think in, like, you know, these convoluted, like, spider diagrams and in ways that, like, neurotypical people just don't naturally think that way. And I definitely think that makes a lot of sense as to why that's how we naturally are, do tend to communicate. But what I did find was that, yes, I learned to accept that this is how I speak, like, it is what it is. But also that aspect of, you know, like, you know, Val and Summer said, starting to actually find ourselves. It's the reality that I did notice things about myself, and I think that's really important when it does come to, like, you know, this whole confidence on camera thing, but how you truly feel about yourself, it will eventually show, you know. And that being said, I'm working out that, oh, okay, when I'm a lot more shy or scared, I've got more pent-up emotions or something, I tend to speak much, much, much faster. And then that's when you can't even understand me at that point, because naturally as an ADHD person, I speak quite fast anyway. And then if you're adding maybe like nerves to that, or you're adding like, you know, other things to that, then I'm like, then it's, you know, it's like a mile a minute. And that's something that obviously affect my communication not only with others, but like definitely affects like, you know, on the camera, like how that sounds. I think a huge part of, you know, things is— and even now, you know, potentially there are potentially people in the audience that do struggle to keep up with me, but I think it's because I'm in a semi, like, not unfamiliar space, being— I feel like, oh, this is a conference, like a big deal, it's not my usual. And I think familiarity is a huge thing for us, um, when it does come to building that confidence, getting familiar with everything, getting familiar with yourself, literally sitting in front of like mirrors and like talking to yourself, accepting, you know, how you sound unmasked. If there's— I mean, potentially I'd like to hope that unmasked is how we'd all like to present, like it's how we'd all be able to and be allowed to present ourselves on camera, because that was a huge thing for me, kind of just speaking like myself rather than the masked version. Um, so yeah, like you just touched on so many things, Gaffrey. It just like inspired so many ideas for me in terms of like, that's literally it, that's really what it's about in terms of the early stages of working out how to be confident on camera. It's finding that confidence in yourself. Um, and you can't really get that without kind of those this early moment you just mentioned of like finding people that look like you, that's a huge part. That look like you, sound like you, that validate your experiences and your feelings. And then you can start to unlearn all the negative stuff and all the rejection that we've got built up inside from there. That's like the first step, you know? Hey, Chris!

Hey, hey, I adore you. And yeah, my wife said that for the first like 3 months I was doing reels that I didn't— I wasn't using my real voice. So yeah, that whole like getting to a place where you're not using your customer service voice or your masking voice is so real.

And you're— girl, stop.

You're way, way, way more amazing. Go ahead, Summer.

Yeah, that's awesome. I love having you guys, um, up here and sharing your, your stories and your love. So one thing, Karina, when you were talking— I don't talk that fast Because, okay, so I have, uh, an interesting thought. So you say you talk really fast. Well, my brain moves so fast that I can't, when I talk, that I like trip over myself when I'm trying to be like eloquent. So I, I start to talk fast and then I'm like, oh shit, what am I saying? I have no idea. I'm just gonna go with it. And so then half the time when I'm— my mind actually goes blank, it's like, Okay, I'm done. Like I just I just stop. So I I think it's so interesting that all of our brains move so fast. You know, like when I talk, I can think of about four rebuttals. Like if I'm trying to be kind or say something nice, like that I feel positive or good about, but then I know like other people feel a different way. Like I rephrase it while I'm talking about. 4 different times because all I can think of is like the other person and what they're saying and how they feel. And like, I don't know, I think it's an interesting topic to bring up. Like, what do we really want? Like, what is us unmasked? Like, I am very open and honest, but like, oh, Chris. Chris is right here. So we were talking the other day in a room and I say that I'm an open book, with closed pages because I am very like outgoing. I talk to everybody, I make sure everybody's comfortable. I don't care who you are, what you look like, what's going on. Like if you're sitting by yourself or alone or whatever, like I'm the first person over there. So I wrote, but I'm also like very closed, like masked. I don't want people to actually see the real me 'cause they might not like it. And so I think it's like so interesting. I wrote, um, it might as well be a blog post, but I have, I, I keep the Day One app. It's a journaling app and I've journaled since I could write, like first or second grade. And, um, I wrote this thing, um, it's a journal entry, but it's about me being like an open book with closed pages, cuz all my pages are actually stuck together. You know, that's my mask, the outer. Mm-hmm. The outer part of me that I share is still a deep part of me, but I think some of it is that I don't actually— I'm not scared to talk about hard conversations. So my daughter is, and she has anxiety. And so if I bring something up, she's like, Mom, Mom, stop it. Don't talk like that. You're going to make somebody feel bad. But I don't mind having hard conversations, which makes it seem like I'm an open book, I think. But really, the mask that's inside, I don't know. Sometimes I don't even know what that means. Like, what does that look like? I know the things I love, but like, I have so much like empathy, like for people, but then I'm like a dichotomy, you know? Then I'm like the opposite. 'Cause I'm like, if you mess with me, I'll freaking kick your ass, you know? And I'm like 41, but I still feel like that, you know?

Anyways.

So yeah, I just think it's interesting, like our minds think so fast, but we, we all have so much in common, but we, because ADHD is such, you know, um, like a spectrum of different things that I, I find it so like—

I'm so sorry to, uh, uh, interrupt you because I can't, I can't hold myself from screaming.

Go for it.

So happy. Thank you. Yes. I mean, like, I, I do this, you know, Sudden bouts of screaming in my house, and I realized lately that it is one of the characteristics of ADHD. And my husband like, okay, I've been doing this all the time in my house, and my my kids would be like, what? What happened to your mom? Why are you so weird? That and now they are normal. No, I mean now they think that okay, okay, that's just my mom being mom. You know, I just if I feel happy like yeah, I'm happy. And I was like, and they'll be like, okay, okay, she's happy. So these I know people out from outside if they see like what's happening to this woman. But, you know, I just unmask when I can. And it is so important because I, all my life, like 30— I'm 37 years old and 30— for freaking 36 years, I've been masking all my life. And I don't know what I can be if I unmask. And that is, uh, that is so important that we, uh, unmask and be ourselves, uh, among, um, our safe spaces. Um, you know, especially who we present here as in the Clubhouse as a group. I think people need to know our unmasked sides, like the real side of us too. So I think confidence comes from unmasking as well, and it is so important. And oh, I just want to go on and on and, you know, scream with joy. I'm so liking this conversation that it's going. So thank you so much.

Thank you so much for sharing, Catherine.

No, go ahead.

Oh, I was just going to say, Summer, because I do know you well and absolutely, I think there's that whole masking thing of keeping yourself separate from— I know for me, when I was in the corporate world, I always was the boss and that kept me safe in a way because it kept me separate from my employees. I never had to get close to them. I never had to form relationships because that was frowned upon. Right. And that was a huge realization I had in my life that like I'd always, I pretend like there was a part of me that pretended I was open. I was, you know, would give you enough to make you believe that. But then there's also a part of me that has this inner control where I want to be able to control the experience and make sure that I don't get hurt. Right? Like this was my 20s to a T and part of my 30s. And so I do think that there's that piece where We can keep ourselves separate and be that weird dichotomy of open and closed. And then also, because we are so passionate about the things we believe in, I do believe from my own experience that ADHD people, we have this tendency to be very cause-driven or things that are close to our heart, we're very cause-driven. And I know for me, that feeling of wanting to just share what I believe or, or, you know, put my input in, like I can say some really stupid things and then be like, oh my God, why did I say that? You know, like, you know, I know that this is something that can happen.

Yeah.

But yeah, I made a comment yesterday and then I was like, oh yeah, that was not very nice. I didn't really think about it because my brain goes faster than my, my words. And I thought about it and I was like, yeah, maybe that wasn't so nice, you know? And I get to clean that up. But man, let me tell you, am I practicing that cleanup a lot. Because I say shit that does not even need to come out before I think about it. I don't know if anyone else does.

Well, I have a feeling you don't have three teenagers that totally call you out. Like my my kids, none of them. Well, one of my ADHDer, he's actually really like calm, cool, and collected on the outside. So he kind of goes under the radar. But he is kind of like me. But honestly, I say things. And my daughter, who is very sensitive, so sometimes it is good, she's like, um, you shouldn't say stuff like that. And I'm like, why? Because it's not that nice. And I'm like, I heard you talking about that girl last night. I know you're not nice either.

So anyway, it is—

I, I totally relate to that because my daughter, uh, she has been very sensitive. She's a very sensitive person. She's an empath. she writes books, you know. She, she is about to publish— she was about to publish her first book at the age of 10. But yeah, and, and the first— I have an author friend and she read the book and she was supposed to do the proofreading and she said like, your daughter is such an empath, I, I don't— I'm not surprised where it comes from. And it was— You were like— Yeah, I was on cloud nine. Yeah, of course. I mean, but, uh, you know, it is more— she's more than that. She is like Born like that. I'm so proud of being her mom. The reason is, you know, Summer, I just relate so much to what you said. She corrects me at a lot of times of how I can think, and I'm so proud of it. I'm super proud of it because I need that. Because I was ridiculed and I was told how not to do things, or like, you know, okay, this is wrong, but nobody told me how I can do things. Like you know you can think this way.

That's good. That's good.

Yeah, especially when it comes from my own child. It's just so so freaking cute and ah nothing can be mom.

I don't know what you're talking about, Geitha, but it is not cute.

No, I mean, you know, I I don't say maybe the right word is it brings me so much joy to think how much evolved she is for her age.

Yes, that's a good thing. Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, but at the same time, I am. As a mom, I'm always concerned. You know, I'm like, oh, she's such an empath. I don't want someone to hurt her. Blah blah blah blah. Yeah, that's that's there. But you know, see, see the voice. My voice changed today as soon as I listened to all of you talking, and I I screech in joy a lot of times. I I would say screech because I just don't have the words to express how much happy I am.

Like I I don't have words.

Yeah, I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. Thank you.

I'll be talking a lot, so please stop me, and then I think you can just go put me on mute because I'm so happy today. I'll be a lot of—

No, that is totally fine, Guthrie. I was literally just gonna say, literally in response to what Summer and Val said, but then literally Guthrie added another point to my mind. Very much so, like what Val said in terms of that, that whole open book but closed page. I don't know if I said the analogy right because I was struggling to remember it because I was trying to remember the points that I was inspired by from what you said. Um, you literally will be like— you will be sick, and you will make yourself sick not having anywhere to be open around, you know? Like, if you literally are like that, like, in all your relationships, plus even like when you have to come home, and even in your like personal, like, interpersonal relationship, you literally will eventually kind of get sick. And like, in terms of like, you know, things just being too much and things like that. But I definitely, um, think it's really interesting because when Summer said that, you know, when she tries to sound smart and eloquent— um, sorry, that's not what she said. So when she tries to sound eloquent, she finds that she speaks a lot slower. And I think that really is interesting because I feel like in that moment she's trying to make sure she's picking the right words that sound extra smart because she obviously kind of— you care, you know, about like people's— that particular person you're speaking to's perception of you. And I do think that's so interesting in terms of how it affects our speech. And in that moment, not only is there a lack of confidence, but also, you know, you're trying to pick words that you wouldn't familiarly use. And I do think that that familiarity is literally everything— getting familiar with yourself, what you sound like, what your voice sounds like. And kind of, Guthrie's added to my point as well, like, look, she's talking about talking faster, how sometimes we talk fast, talk slow based on like our emotions. And I feel like it's so important that we get the space to do that, but it's like you need to decide, like, okay, when I'm on the camera, am I making— is this like for content that I'm gonna like be giving to others? Is it really important that I kind of do it when my emotions feel a certain way so that like kind of it comes across that certain way and sits with that bit? Or is it— or is it important just now just for me to make content for myself, or just speaking freely to like my partner, or, you know, my loved one and just kind of speaking in that way. And those can sound like 2 different people, I find. Well, not even 2 different people, 10 different people, depending on the energy, um, we're at, depending on, you know, what— how we're feeling in that moment in time. Um, but yeah, I just wanted to share that.

Oh my gosh, I have to comment. I know I'm talking a lot too. This is— I didn't realize how, how much I would, uh, identify with this topic. But, uh, Karina, that's exactly like what you were saying. That's exactly how I am. I feel like sometimes I am like a different person wherever I go. And then like, I'm not really sure who I am. Like I will go to church and, you know, be not, I'm not, I'm not a different person because I show up as me authentically because of me authentically is, is being exactly, um, sometimes who somebody needs me to be in that moment because I want somebody to make sure they feel comfortable. So that is authentically me. But sometimes I'm like, do I really like that idea? Even like politics, like all of those things. I'm like, well, I could totally see that. I could totally see that. But then I'm like, so how do I, how do I show up? Like, I didn't realize how confused I was. Okay. Give me some direction. Come on.

Oh my God.

So this conversation is so fun. I love how we all just like feed off each other. And I just wanna say hi real quick, 'cause I know that a couple more people have hopped up. Hey, my girl Christy and Rachel and Angela, and I want to say hi to all of my amazing ADHDers in the audience. The beautiful Andrea, the fierce and ferocious Felisa in the house. We've got Brett Janarius. Hello, Nis Nasim. I know I've said your name before, Nasim Jory Heidi Annabella. Hello, beautiful girl. We have Amina Sophia Carolyn. Got Heather and Sophia. Welcome to Clubhouse. I hope you find your tribe. I hope you find your people. And I would love to pass the mic over to Miss Chris. Oh wait, Chris, did you talk yet? I can't remember. I know you jumped in and said something.

You know, I just talked because I make words. But yeah, no, I— as far as confidence on camera, just do it and then keep doing it and then keep doing it. And then you can always delete the first things that you did. But like, I, even though, even when I first got on Clubhouse, I didn't use my regular voice. I couldn't even find my regular voice because when I talk on the phone, I'm talking at work and it's like, hello, thank you for calling Landmark Merchant Solutions. Who'd I have the pleasure of speaking with today? Right? So like, trying to even find my real voice here was a struggle at the beginning. So, and your real body and like, what is real? Is cool, whatever that happens to be. But just like be patient with yourself. I was— or that's what I did. I was just patient with myself and I didn't even notice a difference. I still don't really notice difference, but my wife is like, oh yeah, you have stopped using your, um, not all the time. Sometimes still when I'm educating, I still kind of go into like an educator customer service voice because that's what I've done for over a decade. But you know, like there's different Voices for different places, but trying to align as much as you can with yourself without pissing people off is a struggle I'm currently in right now. My name's Chris.

I love you.

I do too. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Summer.

I missed that. Go ahead. I couldn't hear you. Sorry.

Oh no, I was just telling Chris I loved her cuz I often go through those phases as well where I'm like, oh, am I offending people? Am I not? You know, my daughter's gonna tell you I do, but that doesn't mean I actually do.

Okay. You know, I think we need to talk about tone policing. I don't know if anybody would have known about this tone policing, because that has been done all my life. The reason I'm saying this is, you know, this voice I have is a, is a kind of polished you know, my masking voice, but actual voice is so loud. I don't know if people would be ready to hear that. So my husband, when we were in the early days of our marriage, he used to say like, why are you so loud? And he hates me when I talk to him on the drive in the car because I'm so loud. He's like, oh, you hurt my ears. And same goes with my son. And it's like, it hurts me when they say that, but I understand that, you know, there is some sensory stimulation thing going on even with them. But, you know, it's so hard for us to understand ourselves. So, you know, I'm just getting confused in my mind, but it's just that about— we need to talk about how our voices or our audio or sensory stimulation affects ourselves, or people tell us how it is. And, you know, are there— feedback puts us down and, you know, we feel that. So yeah, we need to talk about that.

Yeah. So, okay, sorry, Val, go ahead.

I was gonna say, Karina, do you have a comment about Chris's topic that she said?

Yeah, I was just gonna say, yeah, she's literally right in terms of practice, practice, practice. And just, you know, until you're sick in the face, like, until I go blue in the face, especially when it comes to like the The words you're gonna say, because that just means that when you actually are on camera, or even when you're in front of somebody and you need to like be masked because you're in a scenario where like you're a medical student like I am and you have to like act like a normal person in front of the patient and make sure they understand every single word you're saying, um, at that point you're just like completely out of your head because you're not thinking about the content anymore and it's just like kind of in the back of your head on autopilot. And then you can just focus on like breathing. And then because our brains are so fast and we kind of, we kind of actually can deal with loads of things all at once if we kind of manage it right and kind of like channel ourselves, you know, um, then, you know, then my brain does have space to kind of look at their body language and see if they're receiving me well enough, or like kind of even play around with the content, for example, and throw random things in there because like it's practiced to death, if that makes sense. And so much so in terms of you can throw it away, you can throw the content away, you can record it a million times and throw it away. We can be such perfectionists, and I often find that that is kind of what prevents me actually getting started because I know I'm not good enough yet. And then that you just have to somehow find a way to throw that in the bin and get over that hurdle. But it's super, super, super hard for us. I am aware of that. But yeah, I just wanted to share that. That was—

You know what I'd like to do, Karina? I want you to introduce yourself. Well, real quick, let's get to Christy. If you— okay, I don't know. Let's do— Karina, will you introduce yourself and tell us what you do? Sorry, my brain was like, should we go to the next people? Should we not? But I don't think Karina's had the opportunity to just tell us what she does and maybe give us a little bit on the confidence on camera part.

Okay, yeah, you're totally right. I just feel like we kind of just jumped in there and everyone's— yeah, just like all our ideas bouncing off each other, as it usually happens in ADHD rooms when people like us get together. Absolutely. But yeah, that being said, my name is Karina Kaye. Um, I am a medical student, um, uh, and I have dyslexia, ADHD, and autism. Um, but in terms of like all the other million and one things that I do, um, on the side, on the side, on the side, it's actually a bit much. Um, I am a qualified, um, personal trainer, um, as well as like I do like quite a bit of podcasting and things like that, um, and I like, um, interview, um, on, um, a platform called MWP Talks, um, and that's like a health and wellness platform, um. So, and that being said, I feel like, uh, in terms of like looking at my, for example, my Instagram bio and like in my, um, Clubhouse bio, um, you can definitely see like all the extensive things that I do and might be thinking, oh, that's pretty strange, um. However, I do, I did definitely find that when I met, you know, my fellow ADHDers, it seemed that we had similar life experience in terms of all the different like jobs and things that we had tried and blah blah blah. But for me, it was super weird because I just kind of went the normal route, went into— wanted to be a medical student. And then just along the way, it's like my brain would kind of get bored of like studying, and then I pick up all these extra qualifications, these extra like courses, I guess as a way to kind of distract myself from how hard I was finding like living neurodivergent and struggling with— I don't know, it was really weird. I really can't put my finger on what it was. I can't really explain it, how I felt at the time, because looking back from the outside in And I understand how most neurotypical people might think, you're just crazy, why are you spreading yourself so thin? But it seems to be our natural compulsion to do things in this way as people that are ADHD, I've come to find. Anyway, that being said, um, I, uh, yeah, so along the way that kind of, uh, prompted me to just kind of accepting— I already knew deep down for many, many years, since at least 2014, that I had ADHD. And but accepting also that I was autistic from coming on Clubhouse, I had an inkling of it, but hearing people's actual personal life, I was like, okay. I'm actually not making this up. These are things. I'm not just this weird freak, and I was hiding all these things about myself that I was struggling with. But that being said, that kind of prompted me to kind of go online and start speaking about, you know, the things that I was struggling with, my experience as, you know, someone who's neurodivergent. And then kind of, you know, others would open up to me, and that kind of built things from there in terms of like the coaching stuff that I do, like with young people and individuals that do struggle as well when it comes to advocacy and neurodivergence and Navigating the medical, navigating the healthcare system in general, but obviously more generally speaking just the NHS because I'm based in the UK. But that was something that I really, really learnt expertly. I wouldn't say almost, but like get very close to, not only through being a medical student but having to do extensive, extensive, extensive research just so I could show up and appear confident in healthcare settings to actually be like, yeah, in some cases taken seriously, but no, to be understood, to communicate properly, you know, and like in ways that, you know, they would actually understand and like be able to kind of, you know, actually get me the much-needed treatment, if that makes sense. So that kind of like is— yeah, that's basically kind of my story. But in terms of like, you know, the advocacy and the things that I do, it's like I kind of picked all these things up along the way. Um, just— and looking back, it's like my brain couldn't help but branch all these different ways, if that makes any sense. And I'm very, very sure that, um, you know, all the ADHDers, um, you know, can agree who are on the stage currently. And, um, yeah, and I feel like, um, in terms of like being confident on camera, like that was something that I, I knew I wasn't anyway starting off with, um, but I wanted to learn to do because I knew that like it— as I was trying to like speak on camera, it was more important to me really just to get my voice out and speak for the first time. And the camera was a great way of doing that because it meant that no other human beings had to be in the room. And then I actually— so even though I wasn't necessarily confident, I was actually just getting to say the things that I wanted to say. I was actually— I was confident enough to say speak words that I wouldn't be confident enough to say, you know, if another human had to be present, for example. Um, and then from there, because I kind of enjoyed it so much in terms of actually getting to say my thoughts for once and share the things I was passionate about, I then thought, oh, well, I actually need to improve my camera skills. It actually would be good if I could actually make eye contact and stuff like that. Um, and, you know, that was something that— so, and that's when I kind of realized along the way, like, yeah, it is a case of practice, practice, practice. It is a case of accepting that, you know, it's not gonna look great, really, and you're gonna cringe yourself watching back at it while you edit and things like that. But you accept it and you carry on. And you improve along the way. Um, and yeah, so I definitely think— so that's why I kind of felt like the room was amazing, because it was like you guys were literally kind of all jumping on, like, you all kind of basically reminding me and like talking about points that I had kind of written in bullet point form and already expanding on them and adding your actual personal life experiences to them. That's why I was super duper enjoying the room, and we were kind of all getting run away with ourselves there in the beginning. But I hope that was a good instruction of myself there, Summer.

Um, yeah, that was amazing. Sometimes I, I'll be honest, I have to listen really carefully, but it's good because you talk so fast that like it makes me pay attention. Because sometimes I totally am like, okay, wait, what were they saying? But I totally pay attention because I want to know what you're saying, so I have to. So it was an amazing intro. I love that you do so many different things because it really is a testament to ADHD because we are, um, lovers of learning and and growing. I taught myself like half the Adobe Suite and I know how to do graphics and design. I did it all myself. I do all of my stuff, my website. So I totally get how, um, like there's other people like me that actually do those types of things, you know, even though I really did, I, I struggled a lot in school. Um, I think part of it had to do with like childhood crap and trauma. And, you know, some of it had to do with we moved all over the place. So I had these big gaps in my learning, but even doing that, like it never stops me from wanting to learn more and to having that, that love of learning and love of new things. You know, I think that, you know, conversations that you can have with other people, learning and yeah, I think that's fantastic. And I think it's a great thing to have. And I think it's confidence, like really like having that confidence to own, you know, to own who you are, which is, you know, a lover of everything. I mean, you're in med school and you already have so many other things going on. I mean, it's obvious that, you know, you, you love, um, the, the knowledge to, you know, become a better, more, not even more, but well-rounded, I guess. Like, I like to know different things about all different types of things. And so I think that makes us, you know, the part of the person that we are. So yes, it was a fantastic introduction. So yeah, so Val, do you want to welcome David to the stage? Because I'm not super familiar, but go ahead.

Absolutely. Yes, I just want to welcome David to the stage. He is incredible, you guys. We have our UK magician here. He is an award-winning global specialist musician— magician. I keep wanting to say musician— in corporate and expo trade shows. He is awesome. He is the ADHD Magician, you guys, and he has a lot to contribute to this as well. So we are— gosh, we are having like double special gifts here today, having Karina and our fellow UK David, ADHD Magician. Hello, David. How are you? I'm okay, guys.

How are we? So good. So good.

I'm just— I'm, I'm, um, as, as most of you know, uh, with ADHD, when you tidy up, you have to get everything— like when you're doing a deep tidy, you have to get everything out. So it's spread all over the floor, and my wife's been, um, shouting at me. Well, not shouting at me, but she's been telling me to get all my crap out my daughter's room. Oh yeah, I'll get to it. So now I'm literally just doing it because, um, I've My office, which was the third bedroom. We've got two kids, four and two, and my little boy needed a room because he was staying in here. So my office had to go. So I'm currently sorting through all my magic stuff and everything. So I'm I'm near the end of it. So I'm doing that as we speak. But yeah, it's a great subject, and I I have to do this because I perform magic on the screen. If anybody wants to check out my Instagram. I do a few magic videos like that, and I'm also qualified in neuro-linguistic programming, timeline therapy, and hypnosis. So coming back to what Summer said about learning, I'm always fascinated about how the brain and the mind works. And believe it or not, I've learned to slow down a lot because if I put my Scouse accent on, for those of you that are overseas or Or don't really understand this difference in the accent, I'm gonna speak how I would normally speak with my friends now, just to give you some idea of the speed. So, hi, someone, how are you? Nice to see you, Val. I see Chris in the room there and Brett there. Hi, Annabelle, lovely seeing you in the room. I haven't seen you for ages. How are you doing? So this is how I usually talk with my friends and that, because this is how fast they walk. So as you can tell, with me being ADHD, that just amplifies everything. So I've learned to slow down. But coming back to the subject of the room, which is how to be confident on camera. First of all, you need to stop judging yourself, stop overthinking, and just do. Because done is better than perfect. And it took me a hell of a long time to condition my mind by telling myself that done is better than perfect. Because what is perfection? Who's to say what's perfect? The only person that can decide what's perfect is yourself. But you know, if you start criticizing yourself, you say, oh, my hair was out of place, or, or this was that, or that was that, you'll never get anything done and you'll never do it. So my advice to everybody is just do it, put it out there, don't worry about it, and you'll be surprised of the engagement which you get. Like there's a video which I've just posted on my Instagram because I've just recently co-authored a book as well. Whoop whoop whoop! So I put it on my Instagram and I'd done probably— that was like the second take. And the only reason I'd done a second take was because I messed up the trick which I'm gifting as part of the people buying the book. But that was the only reason because otherwise I've stuttered over my words in the past and You know, I don't, I don't care because at the end of the day, we spend too much of our lives worrying about what others may think of us. And we're all on this planet for a reason. We're all superheroes. We all came through a million, um, over a million people. We survived to get here because if you think about it, when a man and a lady have sex, the man ejaculates over a million sperm, which is technically a person. which is what I say when I go into schools and do talks. And you made it here, so you're here for a reason. So you're perfect, you're fine, you're great the way you are. So don't be judging yourself and don't let others judge you. But yeah, done is better than perfect. So my advice to you guys is practice by looking into the camera. And little tips, I've got little tips and tricks. So rather than looking at the front-facing camera, because you know when you notice if somebody's holding up words, that puts it backwards, the front-facing camera. Because it reverses the— mirror images the actual lens. So a good tip for anybody is turn your phone so you can't see yourself and then press record and just speak into the camera, because then that way you're not too busy looking at yourself. You're looking directly at the camera, so you're making eye contact with the audience. And plus, if you hold anything up, the audience can read it from the other side. For example, Play the Game book, which is in my previous video. I was literally All it was, it was just the back camera, which is the better quality camera as well, by the way, guys, if for those of you that don't know. And because I couldn't see myself, I just flowed. I wasn't too— I wasn't looking at myself and judging me here or saying, oh, I've got a stain on that top there. However, I just did it, put it out there, and that's it. So anybody that's struggling and wants more help or tips, just feel free to DM me. I'll gladly give you some more tips and hints. But hopefully, if you've got any questions, guys, as well, Raise your hands if you're scared or you're nervous or anything like that. Don't be, because at the end of the day, it's, it's just all it is, it's just you speaking to camera or doing something to camera. And what you've got to remember is the reason we get nervous and we get scared is because we're putting our egos in front of actually the message or the goodness that we're trying to bring or portray to our audience members. So when you put your audience or your clients or whatever you want to call them First in the forefront of your mind, you tend to not care what you look like because the message is so more powerful than actually what you look like or have a stutter in the words there. And then you're more powerful when you speak your message. And if you do stutter or you stumble over your words, that's fine. Just say, "Oh, just just mess up there because that's what I do." And people love that because then it also makes you human, and people engage with human beings. They don't want to see this polished. I am. Perfect. Look at me. I do not get my scripting wrong. Ha ha ha! And I put. I done a video ages and ages ago, and I put all the bloopers on the end, and that got the most engagement because people were like laughing their head off at the bloopers, which I put where it was where I done a trick, and then I was talking. So I doing this trick, and like you can't see me obviously, but I was going. I was going. Hi guys, my name's David Burgess, and this is my card trick, which and I was like, ah fuck shit back. And then I put that in and people were laughing their head off because that's what they would do in that circumstance if they'd done it. So that's my tips for anybody, but I'm hoping to listen to some questions which I can hopefully answer for people. But yeah, guys, feel free to raise your hands and I am here just to help you guys and support you. Love you all. Power to the ADHD and dyslexia crew. Whoop, whoop, whoop! Because we have superpowers that nobody else has. Remember that. Because people see through a normal boring lens, whereas we see through the special creative lens. And we can solve problems that so-called, um, commerce with me finger can't. So that's me done. David in the purple magic school. Give me a follow if you want.

Oh, yes. Mic drop. So good. You said so many beautiful juicy nuggets there. I really liked when you said we get scared because we put our ego before what we are bringing forward into the world. That was such a beautiful mic drop moment for me. I love that takeaway. And Yes. Thank you so much for serving. Oh, we lost him a little bit.

Okay.

Thank you so much for showing up and serving and contributing to this conversation. Very grateful for you, David. You are definitely a pillar in this community and a leader, and we are very grateful for you.

I'm grateful for being here and listening to you guys.

Oh, thank you so much. And I'd love to be a fly on the wall watching you sort through all of your magic stuff. I bet that's just fascinating to see that.

What was that? I mean, my headphones unpaired them for a minute. What would— could you—

oh, I said I'd love to be a fly on the wall and see you sorting through all of your magic stuff. I bet that would be quite the experience to see all of your props.

And, um, Val, it's, it's not really— DM me your mobile number and I'll— it's not as glamorous as you think. I've got Because I've got, I've got a mixture of incense and pens and, and all kinds of crap, which is just— but you know the stuff which you say, oh, but I can't throw that, oh, but I could use that later, and you haven't used it for like 12 months when really you just need to throw it in the bin. But it's like, oh no, I might use that later, oh, oh yeah, I know I need that. So, you know, no, just bin it. So yeah, handing the mic back to you, Val. Great room and great conversation. And Corinne, I've connected with you as well.

Awesome. Thank you, David. With that, we will hop on over to my friend Christy. Hey girl.

Hey. Oh my gosh. I had like a million things I wanted to talk about and then the room just kept ping-ponging and I was like, oh, okay. And the other thing that's so funny is I looked at the thing and I just saw confidence. So I thought we were going to talk about confidence and I missed the whole on-camera And so now I'm like, oh, okay, okay.

We actually didn't talk about it that much. So you didn't— I mean, David spoke to it and Karina did a little bit, but we've really been talking about confidence, so we haven't gotten there quite yet.

Well, it was just so funny that that was how it worked out, and it was just so— yeah, um, so I, um, I, I was gonna talk about some other stuff which I don't think is really as relevant because I've— I was forgetting about the on-camera part. And also, I loved everything that you guys were just saying. I mean, because I'm a chiropractor and what's important to me is that my patients—

Sorry to interrupt you. I need to pull you on this. Stop using those, those, those words of, of like, oh, I don't think this is, this is, this is relevant enough, because there, there is my— as I— my mentor would say, and the NLP world. They're weak-ass words and you're disempowering yourself. Don't ever say to yourself that what you're about to say isn't good enough, because it is. And you're going to add some amazing value now because it has got confidence in the title. Just ignore the fact that it says on camera what you're about to drop. I have got my pen and paper poised to write down. So never ever start with that. I just wanted to make sure that you, you're constantly consciously aware because then you're programming yourself to be like, Oh, I'm not that important. You are. Everything that you're about to say, I have got literally a pen and paper ready to write down. So thank you. Sorry for interrupting you. Back to you. You're amazing.

Well, you just made me cry, but thank you. Um, yeah, so anyway, I was— I, I am— I'm a chiropractor, and what's important to me is my patients and how they are doing and how they're getting well and And, um, the nutrition, because that's a huge part of my practice. And I've never put anything on camera because I always think about the camera and about how many people might be watching. And so I've always freaked out about it. And so everything that you guys were saying is just so awesome. And then the chameleon stuff was really interesting, Summer, when you were talking about all of that, because that's totally what I've always done. totally been a chameleon. I'm always trying to make sure that I'm a big people pleaser. I'm always making sure that everything is what the other person is wanting. And I'm finally recognizing that that is not what I want. Like, I want to be me and I want to be what I want. And I'm just now starting to figure this out. And I am, you know, like 50 years old. So it's just like really just unbelievable. And I just found out basically that I have ADHD. So I'm just now coming around with that too. And it's just so all this stuff. Stuff is just all coalescing, and I just want to thank everybody for this room and everything. And thank you, David, for what you just said. And let me just flip through my notes really quick. Oh well, I will think of the other stuff later, or I'll speak later. But thank you so much. This is Christine. I'm done speaking.

I love you, girl. Yes, I am totally. Standing in alignment with what David said. You know, I think that a lot of times we can, um, you know, we can disempower ourselves. And that's something that even as a, a speaker, you know, somebody pointed out to me once because I actually get my speeches that I give on stage. I have someone come with me and I have someone take notes and give me honest feedback. One of the greatest feedback pieces I got was about a year ago, a woman who knows me and loves me, and it kind of hurt to hear it. I'll be honest, it It bruised my ego a little bit. She said that when I got on stage, I introduced myself. I said, my name is Val Nichols, and I just want to come here today and talk to you guys about— and she said, you lost me the moment you said, I just. She's like, you are a confident, powerful leader. The moment you said, I just, you made it this little thing, like it's not a big deal. Like you just wanted to come and talk to us. You just wanted to. And this is something I see, speaking about confidence on camera, this is something I see all of the time that literally pains me. When people are making their offer or they are directing people to their freebies, whatever that is, they'll say, oh, I have this little download. You'll just quickly download it. And it's just this little piece of paper or it's this little offer. And they disempower themselves in such ways that is telling their audience they are not worth— it's just a little download. No way, man. Like, my downloads, my freebies are powerful. My freebies are going to change your life. It is going to get you started in the direction that you want to go. It is going to empower you to look at your purpose and align your purpose with your vision, step in your confidence, and create that big, bold, beautiful message that you want to create. It's not a little download. Does that make sense? Like where that language can make such a difference. And I see people disempowering themselves all of the time saying little or just or that type of stuff. So I hope that lands.

Oh, that totally lands because we know that it didn't take a little bit of time. My lead magnet, my download took me A month because I had to have everything perfect, you know, and I had everything the way I wanted it to be portrayed and like, you know, how it— so yes, that totally makes sense and it is not little. Totally get it. Go ahead, Dave.

I was just gonna say as well, Christy, and don't, don't get me wrong, it happens to me as well. So, so don't think that I'm, I'm here— and this is for anybody else who's listening in the audience— don't think that I'm up here going, yeah, I'm perfect, I never do that. I do it all the bloody time. And then, and then I do it to camera, and then, and then I put it out there and think, oh shit, I just said that. Like exactly what Val said. I said, oh, this little thing, or this little magic trick. I was like, ah. But because I, because I do NLP and I'm doing my master prac in November, I catch myself quicker. So I do it a lot less. And the more you catch yourself— and don't beat yourself up as well, by the way, guys. If you do catch yourself do it, or you've put it out there, or you say it in a meeting and then you catch yourself in your own head, don't then beat yourself up about it. Just go, okay, I've acknowledged that, and just move on, and then remember it for next time so you don't do it. So the reason I pulled you on that is because, as I said to you before, as Val just said, without, without sounding like I'm repeating her, but we do this to ourselves all the time. We disempower ourselves. We tell ourselves that we're not good enough, or I've got ADHD, or I'm dyslexic, or I've got this wrong, or I've got that wrong, or I can't do this, I can't do that. Change it to more empowering ways like I am enough. I can do this. I've got this. I have an ADHD brain. That means I can do this 10 times better than a normal person, quote unquote, can do this because I have a better brain than anybody in the world. And you can start to kid your subconscious and then your subconscious, and then eventually it comes second nature where you're like, boom, you walk into the room and say, this is me. I am Christy and I am amazing. And you will listen. listen to every word I have to say because I add so much value when I speak because I am the best. There you go.

I totally agree with you, David.

Oh my gosh, we are, we are so much alike, David. It's hilarious to me. And I love that you just break out in song and dance. And yeah, totally. Because, you know, like, that's the— yesterday somebody was in the room and he was saying, You know, I feel empowered to start my business because I didn't, I didn't get this job I wanted and they rejected me. And he's like, all I have is a Jetta and, you know, this business idea.

Oh yeah.

And I was like, but yeah, you have a Jetta and a business idea. You have the passion. You now have the gift of desperation and the gift of, I'm going to show you what's up. I'm going to show you how my passion is going to work. And you have a Jetta. That means you have a vehicle to get to the jobs, to market yourself, to get the word out, You have a Jetta and a passion, so go do it.

I totally agree with what David was saying about, like, kind of the importance and how helpful and great that, like, that use of, like, positive affirmations and, like, self-talk can be in terms of, like, rewiring that. But absolutely, Val, and I think this is why we have focused so heavily on, like, the more the confidence aspect, um, even though, you know, the full title is Confidence on Camera, because before we even get to the camera and before you even sit down and record How you really do feel about yourself does come through in life and, like, in so many little, little tells that you don't even notice. Like you said, from the language to, like, even kind of— you're going to hold tension in your body, so therefore, you know, you're not going to be breathing correctly, and, you know, it's going to kind of affect everything. So I do think that kind of self-talk and where your mind is at, like, is a huge thing before it even gets to kind of getting on camera, because it's going to show. And that's why we focus so much on it so far, isn't it?

Yes! Mic drop moment from Karina! The confidence starts before you get on camera.

No, sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just love this room. It's amazing with all these, all these amazing people in this audience, and yeah, I'm up on stage sharing this stage with you guys. I wanted, um, Karina just reminded me of breathing, um, so I'd love to do a quick, um, exercise with everybody, just, just as something we should do before you do anything, because obviously our brains are wired differently and we We think a million miles an hour, and our mouths sometimes can't keep up with the thoughts in our heads. So then it comes out like, but in your head you've just gone, oh, I've just made a really good congeeing sentence, and I've sounded really intelligent. But what's come out your mouth is hahahaha. So this is what I do before, and everybody can do this with me if you want to. Only take a few seconds. So when you just sit wherever you are, if you're driving, don't do this. Or actually, you can do this. If you're driving, but just make sure you keep your eyes on the road. So I just want you to focus on a spot ahead, and you can close your eyes. Again, if you're driving, don't close your eyes. And I just want you to take a nice deep breath in through the nose for the count of 4. So we're going to go in through the nose, and then you're going to hold your breath at the top for 4 seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4. And then you're gonna out your mouth for 4 seconds. Hold on the out-breath for 4 seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4. In through the nose for 4 seconds. Hold at the top for 4 seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4, and then out through the mouth for 4 seconds. And I'm pretty much— most of you will be feeling a lot more calmer, relaxed now. And you can do that whenever you're in a situation where you feel a little bit anxious or stressed, or you just— or you want to go really well. Just calm your brain, calm your mind down first with a few— that's called box breath. Just do that and then that just chills you out and then you can go into the conversation or you can unmute on Clubhouse and then speak your piece. So I hope that helps. I'm going to hand the mic back.

Thank you so much, David. That was amazing. I do box breathing mostly when my teenagers are freaking me out.

Fantastic.

I haven't got to that stage yet. Mine's 4 and 2, so I'm good. I'm trying to not fail. I might need your box breathing.

Yes, there are 2 different types of box breathing. They're both difficult, but they definitely work with, with both, both younger kids and older kids as well. But thank you so much. That's so awesome. Karina, do you have any thoughts or should we get to AJ? Hi, AJ.

Hi, Fairy. Hello, beautiful.

Hi, Fairy. Hello.

Yay! So hello, wonderful ladies and gentlemen. Um, so what called me to action to raise my hand was confidence. Um, confidence on the camera and confidence with yourself. And it is one of the words I use in my personal mantra. I am a confident woman. Um, it's something I struggle with personally. Um, And for many reasons, but for one is because I feel so empathetic to create space for so many people that I edge out space for myself, that I find that I'm not creating that empowerment for me. And it It creates this kind of conundrum for me that almost not disempowering myself, but just can't find that space. So I do often try to reframe this negative talk that I have within myself as I get older. I'm 51 now. I have this sense of, well, you know, I'm older, let, you know, people that are younger have their time. And, and I mean, kind of like this mentorship feeling. However, I, I do not feel that I— it's my time is over. So there is this duality in self that I'm having. And especially, you know, when we're dealing with the internet and all of these forms of viewing and people that are viewing, finding a niche and what I want to do and all of it. So this is such a great topic. And finding my space and, you know, who I am and the confidence in that. So, um, so I'm just sort of quite— it's, I'm, it's a wonderment almost. And I'm in that beginning stage of this wonderment of something like self-confidence. So thank you so much for letting me come up and kind of, um, work this out in my own head. I appreciate it. They differ and I'm complete.

Yes. Thank you for coming up and allowing yourself to be seen and to work through this. We love you. And we're sending you so many positive vibes. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming.

Yes, we love having people up here sharing their stories. I think that's my favorite part. I mean, honestly, being in Clubhouse, I love hearing people's stories. I'm kind of a storyteller. Like I was saying earlier, I have always journaled. I think that's the only thing that got me really through middle school and high school is that I journaled a lot and that was like helpful. So I love hearing the stories that you, excuse me, that evolve from different people in their lives and, you know, their journey. So like, I love, I love hearing all the stories on Clubhouse and, and meeting these amazing people and being inspired, literally confidence on camera. Oh my gosh. I will retake something like to do my stories or whatever on Instagram. And I'm literally so abhorred by like how many times I trip over my words that I just go back and back and back. And so I, I really do have to embrace it. So the one time I did it, I was like, screw it. I was like, damn it. Shit. I just, and I was like, okay, I'm leaving it in because I promised myself that I would just put it out there. So then I just started again. So sometimes taking that step, you know, and putting yourself out there, you know, it's just the hardest part. And really, honestly, nobody cares. Like, I had to start reminding myself that really, like, everyone's real and, and people like other people that are real. Like, that's something about me that other people like, that I, you know, that I don't pretend, that I keep it real. So, but then at the same time, I'm like, no, nobody can see this. Because it looks unprofessional. But I think people like to see that part of you. Um, well, there's lots of parts of me that aren't like perfect, right? Like they don't wanna see the, um, beautifully curated, uh, life or even video or whatever. So yeah, like I'd love, I love people coming in and sharing their stories, which super appreciate and, and love hearing them. It's It's inspiring. You know, it's it's been such a fun journey to be to be here. You know, to be on Clubhouse, to be working with Val in this amazing event. I've never never done anything like this, and she you know we obviously we were brought together, and you know Chris is actually the one that was you know kind of brought us together, and you know doing this and helping people and changing lives. Like we get DMs from people all the time, and it's. You know, it's amazing, and it's so awesome to hear people's story and be, you know, inspired by, by their own journey. So I'm Summer, and I'm complete.

Yes, Summer! Oh my gosh. Oh, thank you, David, for being here. It looks like he has to jump, but, um, thank you so much for contributing to this conversation. We love you.

No worries. Love this room, guys. Make sure you get a pad and paper. I will be back. Make sure you tag me, please. I've just sent you the WhatsApp message as well, Val, with the state of my room, and it was a lot worse than that. It was a lot worse than that, trust me. Anyway, guys, love you, love you all. Have a fantastic evening, day, night, wherever you are in the world. Bye! Remember, remember, I'm going to leave you with these words of wisdom: we are all geniuses. Yes, there you go. Love you.

Bye.

So yeah, you know, what Summer was saying is so, gosh, so true. And you know, it's so funny because I used to be the same way, you guys. I was the type of person, and I get so embarrassed when I look back at my Facebook Lives from even like 3 years ago. I'm like, oh my God, Val, what are you doing? Stop. But like, it's become a part of my brand that I mess up words a lot. I say the wrong words, and I know I shared this the other day, but there was a point where I was doing a live training where people had paid good money to be a part of this training, and my freaking eyelash came off. Like, I'm not kidding. This magnetic eyelash I was wearing started coming off, and I'm like, you know what? Let's just not beat around the bush here. I'm taking these off. I ripped them off, and I continued the training. And people to this day are still like, oh my gosh, remember when you did that? That was so funny. And, you know, like, they That I think as ADHD people, like our brand can be the messy. Our brands can be that we talk too fast. Our brand can be that we're not perfect. And you know, maybe we spell things wrong because I do. I spell things wrong all the time. I transpose numbers. I you know, I I forget words a lot. The simplest words. Like I might forget what you know a simple word is that I use all the time, and I'm like stumbling over my words in a live. But that's okay because people. People are so sick of curated and perfect. That's why Instagram is moving away from the beautiful static curated photos and they're going toward the reels and the stories because people are craving real. They're craving authentic and they want to see the parts of you that are messy and incomplete and they want to see that you're just like them. And I think that's the power of Clubhouse. Because you're seeing us in real time. You're seeing our reactions. You're hearing us speak, and it's not beautiful curated content. This is literally off the cuff. We're messy. We're raw. We're real, and dang it! We're just everyday people as well. You know, here we've got Karina from the UK. We've got Summer in Henderson, Nevada. I'm here in Central Oregon. I'm just a normal ass girl, and we're doing this, and because we. We knew that, you know, we put the ego aside, just like I love what David said about, you know, putting the ego aside and putting the mission and the people first. And the thing I know about ADHD people is we are extremely relationship-driven. We care a lot and we care deeply. So when we take ourselves off of that, you know, out of the picture in a way and say, this isn't about me. This is about the one person that when I press go, when I press the button, when I hit that live button, they are going to be impacted. And that's how I show up every single day, is if I can impact that one person that's waiting for me, that's waiting for me to step out in my leadership, then my day is complete.

100%. Wow. I so agree with every single thing you said. You just dropped so many So many gems, me, and I just so agree just in terms of that actually. And when they say the whole thing about you know ADHD being superpower, super strength, you know. But at the end of the day, like when we do learn to accept ourselves, we really can tap into kind of what it is that is unique about us as long as we just. And the thing is because we're such passionate people naturally when there's something that we love, we have a message, you know, we get engrossed in what we do and we and we love that. As soon as we kind of deal and get over you know the shame aspect and get over all things that we you know. We are embarrassed about in terms of the things that are natural to us and just go like a cannon that we've got all that energy that we do have inside us. I just think that it is great because people do love to see the, the rawness of, like, you know, the realness of human beings. And that's kind of how we connect and kind of how we— I don't know, I would say, like, the authentic part of it is really, really what makes us connect. It's really, really how we see ourselves in the other person. It makes such a huge difference. Um, rather than kind of just coming across this super polished and perfected person. And the reality is, like, they want— people are— our audience actually wants to see the real us, basically. So I do think that once we get over ourselves and then we just learn to accept the real us, it's just awesome because people connect so much with our content. And that can actually be, like, quite a kind of a unique strength that we kind of all possess, basically. Um, and then I think it's huge that once you've kind of really exercised that, like David just did, that was absolutely awesome. I found things like yoga as well was so awesome in terms of like helping me really ground my body. I think a lot of people kind of don't know, like people with ADHD kind of do kind of experience like kind of dissociation sometimes, if that makes sense. So it's really important, and we can, we can find, we can find ourselves to basically find it hard to basically ground ourselves in our body. We find it quite difficult naturally. So engaging in those practices like those breathing exercises, um, yoga, things like that, it helps us to ground us and get ourselves out of our head. And like, much like you said, you know, once you stop even focusing on even the message at that point— because at that point, as we mentioned earlier, you familiarize yourself, over-familiarize yourself with the content, you know what you want to say, and you're at this point you're living your passion and you just step into it. And it's just, you just, just speak kind of from the heart. And I think that is how you kind of get the most out of, you know, your, your, your experience as well in terms of being on the camera. You— because we do love, we do actually enjoy the things that we we are all kind of engaged with, and we have such a deep passion for it. And I just think that as long as— once we learn to get out of our heads, we can just let that passion shine through naturally and organically, and the audience can, like, see that in us. Um, and it makes it even more kind of lovable. They see, like, our quirks and our mess-ups, and, like, it is just, you know, a part of us, and we can just laugh it off. And it reminds them, obviously, like, of what it is like to be themselves, you know? And that's kind of, like, the connection for the human experience. I hope that makes sense. But yeah.

Yes, absolutely. So beautiful, Karina. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful that you're here today. And Summer, did you have something to comment, my love?

No, I was just— this has been a fantastic room. And, you know, I, I love that, you know, we all just kind of came together. I love how the room started and just the feel of it. And then You know, I was feeling kind of bad that David came in just because I was like, no, this is Karina's show. We gotta do Karina's show. We don't want— but like, I think, you know, just having that, just having that part in and then having Karina's point, 'cause like, I don't know, you know, he's a big guy, so whatever. Like, he, you know, but Karina's like in this community and she gives so much. and like her confidence. I mean, she's beautiful and she does fantastic content. And, you know, I love though how it all came together. You know, I love that, that feel that, you know, I could go through the rest of my day and like feel almost grounded, you know, having, having that experience. Like, well, I don't know, it's 10:50 here, so, um, but go through the rest of my day. But yes, I think it's been amazing and I've loved having you. Thank you. Karina, we probably should close up. What do you? Do you have some last words for us, Karina?

I've absolutely loved being here, and I just want to say that I am literally a work in progress myself, but in the early stages. And I think for me, like I absolutely love, love, love how the room has gone. It's been absolutely amazing because like this is kind of how I like. Yeah, I don't know. This is what I like. I do find that you know with my community around me and like kind of bouncing ideas off of others is like. still kind of— it's like, it's what I love, basically. And I kind of, uh, I love how the room's gone. But also as well, I do think that, you know, that it's been so— it's been a huge part of me building my confidence, basically, kind of this whole journey and like finding community on here and things like that. So I'm still a work in progress myself, and actually in the early stages myself. So kind of, you know, that advice, a lot of the stuff I just said like towards the end, that's kind of even still a message that I'm still currently learning, kind of like a message to myself in some regards. But yeah, so thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much for coming.

You are so welcome, you guys. This is literally, and I don't know, this is just like my heart-centered feeling. Like this has been one of my favorite rooms of this entire event, honestly. And I don't know if it's just like the high energy, the collaboration that happened, like the input, but I feel so complete and I feel really good in this moment, very like full and happy and So grateful for you, Karina. You are definitely one of those people that I just love listening to and watching. I know our times are much different, so I miss a lot of your stuff, but I'm so grateful for you to be here and for you to show up. And you guys follow her because she is amazing. She's in a lot of different rooms serving and pouring into you. And if you missed any bit of this conversation, go to adhdrise.com. Make sure you sign up because this room was freaking fire, you guys. This room was fire. We had so much beautiful contribution, and you will get the access to the replay and access to the Facebook group as well. So make sure you sign up, adhdrise.com. This event is going on a whole other week still. I can't believe like a part of me is so excited but also kind of sad. Like I'm like, we only have a week left.

Then what's gonna happen? I know, I know. I feel the same. Same exact way. I was just thinking that.

I highly recommend you guys go and sign up for ADHD Rise. Oh, sorry, Agathi. I was just gonna say, just because like the time zone thing, I absolutely hate it. I'm like, oh, I wish I could actually be in more rooms with all my like American friends across the pond.

Absolutely hating it.

But I highly recommend you guys do go on the ADHD Rise website because this summer has been absolutely amazing. And you're just getting the chance to actually access some of the recordings and stuff like that. But this summer has been freaking awesome. I've managed to Pop into some, but I definitely yeah getting access to the recordings. I think it's huge, and Summer and Val goes about saying like how amazing you ladies are. And I'm just saying thank you so much for not only bringing me on here, but just kind of the content that you guys do do do put out there because honestly like when I watch some of your stuff, it does like you get me going through the day and stuff like that as well. So oh thank you.

Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, Val and Summer, for bringing up Karina. She's such a such an amazing person I've known. And, uh, so I just hope you guys don't end ADHD Rise by October. I'm just so, um, hopeful that it's gonna continue on Clubhouse because like you were talking about, uh, you know, Instagram, I, I, I read a lot. I, I am a fast learner, but talking and listening to voices, especially, yeah, from uh, people, you know, with ADHD, like people like you. It's amazing. It's so healing and it's so, uh, connecting. And I wish it can continue forever. I know everybody has work to do, but I hope you just, uh, keep doing these rooms once, uh, once in a while, at least in the Clubhouse. So yeah, I'll be missing you guys, so please don't stop it.

Yes, thank you. Yeah, we'll definitely— I mean, I continue. This is my club and I do a lot of stuff in here. Karina does a ton of stuff. And then Summer, she has her regular rooms as well too. So we'll definitely still be in this space. Gosh, I feel like we're like breaking up. Like, it's not you, it's me. But we're not. It's a whole week left to go. Left to go, you guys. And I'm always here. I'm consistent. I'm not going anywhere. Like, I'm definitely, you know, always going to be doing this work. I feel like it's like my retirement work. And it is definitely like my purpose in life is to be here and show up and hold space. And, um, now that I've, you know, gotten into this ADHD space, like I'm not, I'm never going anywhere. This is my calling for sure. So I'm here. I'm here for life. Yay.

Thanks everyone. Wait, you forgot to do it. Start it now. You gotta start it.

And remember, this is ADHD Rise. When I rise, you rise. We rise together. Together.

Yeah. Oh my God, I love it. Join the movement.

I love you guys. Do you know that I've been dreaming about a group of people saying that with me for over 6 months when I first started?

I wanted to do that the minute you started it, but I am really Just I know, you know. I have back. I have back, you know.

Seriously, one day, literally, Summer and I were talking, and I'm like, "I've been waiting for you to chime in." She's like, "I keep want to chime in." I'm like, "This is a communication thing, relationships, right?" Just say it. They're probably thinking the same shit.

Yay! Speaking of which, everyone.

Yes, absolutely. And today, I just want to real quick. We have at 1:30 p.m. Pacific time. We have Winston Winifred. She is on the board of the Dyslexia Association. She's also the founder of so we can all read dot com. She is into she's a beautiful woman who is into you know African American advocacy, dyslexia, ADHD advocacy in the workplace. So she's going to come on and drop some. bombs and share also about some of the things that are going on in the Dyslexia Association. So this is going to be awesome. She is a wealth of knowledge. Her club is the— I think it's a Black and Dyslexic Club. We are going to be in there, so make sure that you come sign up for ADHD at adhdrise.com to make sure that you can find it because it will be in a different room. And we also have a panel Including our beautiful friend Chris here, who was dropping bombs in her talk the other day. And we're going to have a bunch of different perspectives on ADHD and relationships. We'll have the perspective of the spouse of ADHD. We'll have the perspective of ADHD-specific relationships. We'll have the spouse of, you know, long-term married relationships. So come check it out. And no matter what you're facing or questions you have, You can ask in the back channel, and it'll be a safe place to ask questions and perhaps get a couple different perspectives on, you know, different, different levels, different, like, you know, different positions of relationships and different experiences. So it'll be a very fun collaborative experience. That'll be tomorrow at 9:30 Pacific. And then we'll have Rise Up with Summer and Val, which is always a super fun time.

It gets kind of fun in there, guys.

Oh my gosh, it gets so random and crazy. If you thought today was fun, wait. Like, we talk, we celebrate, we have fun, and we talk about what's coming up next week because next week we start diving into business and entrepreneurship, which is definitely my jam. So I'm excited to hop into that. Um, we love you guys. With that, let's have an amazing ADHD Rise day. I love you. Love you everyone. Bye-bye. But thank you, Karina.

Love you. Bye.