ADHD RISE 22 🖤 ADHD & Women | Signs & Symptoms You Didn't Know Are ADHD | Val Nichols Business Coach

This is ADHD Rise. When I rise, you rise, we rise together. Do ADHD in women and talk about, um, the signs and symptoms that you may not even know are ADHD. Um, I wanna talk about a couple of the things that are, you know, might surprise you that are ADHD. And I know for me being late diagnosis, I got diagnosed this time about 2 years ago. And there was a lot of things that I was like, oh my gosh, that's ADHD? Oh wait, that's ADHD? Oh, you know, and in that learning and discovering what the signs and symptoms were, there was this relief, you know, almost this relief that I went under of like, okay, now I know that this is my ADHD, it's not me. And in that, There's an ability to give grace, right? There's an ability to give grace in this is ADHD and this is my character. This is who I am. And so hopefully, you know, these these tips that I'm going to share with you, and then I'll open the mic back up for everyone to share, is will hopefully help a couple of people. You know, just to give yourself some love and compassion. And if you are the person that hasn't had an official diagnosis, we. No, we don't really care. We don't really care if you've had it or not. You might just perk your ears up and go, oh, that's ADHD. That makes sense. So when it comes to ADHD, girls are more likely than boys, 12 times more likely to have ADHD and be underdiagnosed. So 12% of girls who have ADHD are underdiagnosed. And these are some facts. I was looking at— I'll cite my source because I always want to give credit where credit's due— MedMD. I looked at that and they said that there was— the girls were more likely to go undiagnosed because it shows up differently in our behaviors. A lot of times boys in school will be aggressive. They'll get in trouble. They'll start fights. And women have a tendency to mask or overcompensate, perfectionism, things like that. So a lot of times we have underdiagnosed ADHD because there's an ability to look quote unquote normal, right? And some things that may give you some peace to know it's just ADHD, not you, is number one, out of sight, out of mind to extreme. And I say this because relationships, friendships, remembering birthdays, Arriving on time, remembering to get your oil changed, whatever that is. Out of sight, out of mind to extreme. So you might love your friends, you might love your kids, you might love your whoever, you know, in your life, but out of sight, out of mind. And I don't know about you guys, but I've gotten myself into quite a bit of trouble by kind of just forgetting people are there. You know, it's really strange, but there's this Mm-hmm. This law called permanence, object permanence, meaning that even when it's not right in front of us, it's still there. People who are neurotypical have that object permanence of knowing that even if it's not here, it's still available. It's still there. We don't. Out of sight, out of mind to extreme. And so another thing is, you know, social problems. We have a lot of social issues that come up, maybe being too hyperactive, talking too much, Talking over people, or, you know, there could be also an extreme of like retreating back, feeling like you're masking. You don't want to look like you're too much, and so you find yourself pulling back, not talking over people, things like that. And you can go from one extreme to the other within one conversation, right? One social setting. In school, girls with ADHD may be extremely hyper-focused, therefore get good grades. And they might go undiagnosed. And that's definitely— we have Day Sanchez. She's gonna come on later this week and talk about Twice Exceptional. And last year, that blew my mind because I was like, oh my gosh, this is me to a T. You know, sometimes we have such perfectionism and overcompensation that we can float through life. We can get through the job, the schooling, all of that without people being aware. Other things that show up that are ADHD that you might not even be aware of that are ADHD symptoms is— guys, I'm looking at my couch right now where I'm sitting with my laptop talking to you guys and there are organized piles of paper. The paper clutter, the notes everywhere, the paper, the bills, all the things. Overspending. Disorganization. Again, you may have organized piles of things, but a lot of times we're disorganized with our time. I work with a lot of ADHD entrepreneurs, and this is the biggest thing I hear. I need better time management. I need to organize my leads. I need to organize my business. I'm bad with my money. You know, or you might need to maybe get hyper-focused and you research products and, and how to do a reel and all these things, and hours go by because your mind and your space is so disorganized. Another thing, which is, you guys, I didn't even realize how much I deal with this until being in a new space. You know, I just, I'm kind of doing a reset right now. I just started over again. And indecision. Holy cow. Looking at a menu and there's so many just items. You're at the grocery store. All these things can be ADHD. Other things that you may not even realize are ADHD, which I know Polly's going to talk about at 11. So in about half an hour, he has— he's going to open up a room on ADHD, co-occurring conditions, and substance abuse disorder. So if you have any or all of those, please check it out. He's very knowledgeable. But signs and symptoms that you didn't even know were ADHD could be substance abuse such as drugs or alcohol, anxiety that can show up as social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, perfectionism, sleeping disorders, eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, which I have struggled with myself in my 20s, mood disorders. Depression, bipolar, ad infinitum. There are so many things. And so, you know, with that, I know that's a lot of information to take in, but I really wanted to talk about, you know, especially for women, just because it does show up a little differently. And, and, you know, men, you also have these things, but just know that it can interrupt your work life. Piles of paper, disorganization, not showing up on time. That was my biggest downfall when I had a J-O-B was I could not show up on time no matter what. School, we have a lack of focus or we have hyperfocus. We might be really hard on ourselves, spend hours on our homework, perfectionism. Daily life, clutter, paper clutter, overspending, disorganization, indecision, inability to relax. And then again, co-occurring disorders such as substance use disorders, anxiety, eating disorders, mood disorders. And, you know, I am by no means a doctor or here to diagnose or help you cure any of the things. I do support ADHD entrepreneurs and just know that each one of us up here, we are, you know, here to share our experience with you. Um, we're by no way saying that every single thing that happens is gonna work for you, but I would love to hear, you know, women, um, especially, but men, women, um, what is it? How do you navigate those things? Do they show up for you? What are your observations? And so I'll open up the mic. Um, I know we did have a couple people that were not able to share. I want to hop to them here in a moment. Let's get to a couple of our mods. I'll do mod and then audience, mod, audience.

So Catherine.

Oh, you know, you know, it's just such a pleasure working with you. I just absolutely adore you. And I love the topic with women. I mean, I, for myself, my first panic attack was at 18. And I didn't understand it. I didn't know the road that I was going to go down and the journey I was going to take with it. And today I can say I'm a stronger And I'm glad I went through all those, you know, dings and bumps along the way. I just, I want to make, make it, you know, let people know that if they need a flight plan for their life and they're, you know, trying to figure out things too, that I'm there for them if they need another coach.

So that's all.

That's Kat, and I'm complete.

Sorry, I was typing. I was multitasking.

I was actually—

I want to bring this up real quick, um, before we hop over. Belinda had written in the comments, um, always asking others for their opinions before making decisions. And girl, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but yeah, I, I've been in the last year with, you know, navigating changes, going through divorce, getting, you know, moving into a new place, landing back in Bend, Oregon, like all these things I've been I seek advice, but really I'm seeking approval, and it's so embarrassing for me to admit that. But I do that, and it's so thank you for bringing that up. Oh, thank goodness! I was like embarrassed to say it, but it's it's I've learned that about myself, and I'm like, oh my goodness, that's embarrassing. All right, so I'm gonna hop down to Miss Chelsea. Hello, my love. How are you? We're gonna kind of go. I'm gonna be a little bit sporadic here because we weren't able to get everyone in. But um. Yeah, I'm gonna hop on over to Chelsea if you're able to share.

Hi.

Yeah, I've been like trying— I've been like working and like listening the whole time, which is like difficult, but I try. But I'm really excited that this is happening and like we're discussing the woman and ADHD thing because I wasn't diagnosed Until like a couple of years ago and my therapist— it was really funny because I was just like bawling about how messy I am and like I considered it like a deal breaker in like relationships and stuff and she's like, that's not a deal breaker, like you'll probably find somebody who likes cleaning or like blah, blah, blah but like— I told her I was just having a breakdown about it because I could not get motivated to do it and just keeping up with tidying up and stuff, it's just— it's overwhelming to me and still is like a major problem but I was telling her how I had come home from a trip and I did not like unpack my— I don't unpack Right away, like when I come home from trips and I pretty much like live out of it until like I've used all the things and I was like tripping over it and just all this stuff and she was like, you know, you may be ADHD. So yeah, it's definitely interesting and I'm also bipolar and I'm also a recovering addict with and You know, just all the things that like just make a lot of sense when you start to like think about all the things that go along with ADHD. And another interesting thing that I have learned about myself is like that the RSD kind of stuff, like the rejection sensitivity disorder— Dysphoria, I mean. And just, it's really cool that there are all these tools and everything out there now because it didn't make sense to me why it would take so long to get a diagnosis and then learning about, you know, that it might come across as talkative or, you know, girls are known to be talkative and All these different things, but yeah, like I've really enjoyed all the spaces on Clubhouse, like Michelle's space definitely helped, especially when I got my bipolar diagnosis last year, being on Clubhouse for it and yeah, it's just nice to be in a space where you don't feel so alone. I've recently kind of like accepted too, like, and had like emotional breakdown about like the, the masking. Because I am a fidgety little being. I fidget, my leg goes, I need, I need journals and fidgets and stuff if I'm in meetings where I have to pay attention. And I always feel embarrassed about it. And I'm just like, no, this is me. Like, I need fidgets and I have them. They make them for a reason and they're not just for kids. And like, it's not embarrassing. And I do need these things to regulate my system. Um, and just like, uh, just all the things, all the tools that like I've started to use. I mean, I still, um, I think we— I've recently discovered along with Michelle, like, that I need like mirroring. Um, I think that's what it is.

Mm-hmm.

Um, with like cleaning and stuff. Like we open rooms, um, and just like clean together. And like that literally has made a world of difference in, in, in as far as like the cleaning stuff, because I can't get motivated. I cannot motivate myself to start cleaning. I just can't. And it's so aggravating because once you make the decision that you need to clean, you start to notice all of the things. Around your house that you were not noticing, like that object impermanence thing. And oh my God, that is so annoying and definitely has a lot to do with my relationship problems because I won't know how long it's been really, like in time blindness. I don't know how long it's been since I've spoken to you. It feels like maybe it's been a couple days, but then it's a couple months. Um, you know, so like the relationship stuff is very aggravating to me. Um, but yeah, just knowing that there's people out there. Um, and, and oh, Jelena had a space last year that was like the 12 steps, um, through ADHD or the ADHD and the 12 steps. And they had this identifier list and I remember her reading it out loud and just bawling, like just like bawling. And then they have like a positive list, right, Jelena?

Mm-hmm.

That like is like This is the positive things like to ADHD. And I remember bawling too, like, just like, there are so many benefits too, to being, to having these superpowers. And I'm just, I'm grateful for it. So thank you so much, guys.

Val, how did you end up on the bottom? We need to give you another diamond for your crown. Come on up here.

On the bottom? I don't know.

Started from the bottom, now we're here. I know.

Came from the bottom, now I'm here.

Oh my goodness, that was amazing.

Started from the bottom, now we're here.

That was—

yeah.

Oh my gosh, we're so ADHD, you guys. I love it.

I'm definitely in the right place.

Out of grass, out of grass, out of grass. What ADHD? What squirrel? You guys want to color?

Wait, I'm just kidding. Yeah, was that masking tape or just masking?

Oh, I love it.

I love that we could all just roll with that.

Said about how cleaning is a pain point for her. Chelsea, it's okay. I spent 6, 7 months this year cleaning and purging my home, and it was 24 years in the making. Now, the big obstacle I have in front of me is not to revert back. You know, keep putting those things away and not putting it off till later. Because otherwise, I'm going to go right back to it. And I don't want to do that again. So I hope to get it figured out here. Well, Chelsea, what I like what you were saying about the masking, and I talk about this as a life coach too, that I've probably had more jobs than people are supposed to have. And in that, I had such a big mask on that it took counseling to go through it. And I'm so grateful for that. But I mean, I was I was so used to people pleasing and so being out there with the theater that I had to figure out who I was first. And that, that, you know what it is, that takes time, it takes work. And, you know, I just, I hear that masking and it really hits home for me because I know that's a struggle.

Chelsea, I freaking love you. Every time you talk, I'm like, we are soul sisters. I know it. Like we are soul sisters, and I love yes everything all of it. I've been moving, and it's like I have a couple boxes still sitting there, and I'm like so frustrated because I'm like oh my gosh not everything has its place, not everything has a place yet, and I don't know where it belongs, and it's driving me absolutely insane. And then my car's a mess because I've been moving, and it's like oh my goodness it just oh I don't even know. And I'm going to the beach this weekend, so I need to go. Get it vacuumed out because it's just a mess. But that's one of those things that's like, it's almost like so hard to just start, right? I hear that a lot from my entrepreneurs, my ADHD entrepreneurs too. It's like, how do I just start? Because every time I think about it, I get so overwhelmed that I can't even start. And so I relate with that a lot. And it's, it's one of those things that's like so embarrassing to say out loud that, yeah, you know, I, I have to have my closet in a certain way and everything has to be organized. I don't know if that's OCD or perfectionism, but then sometimes I just can't. I'm like, I don't even want to look at it. My clothes will sit in the basket for 10 days. They don't really because that would drive me crazy, but I could. So I love you. Thank you so much, Miss Belinda.

Hi, it's a get ready with me. Hey, ready for a meeting?

Um, I want Chelsea.

I need to be part of that as a as a homemaker. Stay-at-home parent. I definitely need company while I'm cleaning. As a Latina, I'm a clean freak, so it's kind of funny. But Val, every all the things you were saying, I was like check, check, check, check, check. My father's nickname for me is Sandpiper. Those little birds that run to the the waves when they're coming, and they run away when they're going. And that's his nickname for me. Always has been. I'll say that I want to first say shout out to the gentleman who decided to stay and listen. appreciate you because this helps you help your daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, fellow Clubhouses, for you to understand us a little bit better. So thank you for that. And I will say, and I'm glad you're gonna have a day because I was 2E growing up, twice exceptional, without even realizing it. I can tell you at 16 I started working and hanging out with college-aged kids when I was in high school. So I started— I was introduced to alcohol at a young age, and in a way I'm like, I wouldn't want that for my son. But it was the '80s and nobody really dating men that were older than me kind of thing. Also being an immigrant in a new country at 6 years of age, and then the culture in the home is different from— the expectations are different from what's out there. There's expectations everywhere. the, the push for studies and how we're supposed to, at home, it just— what we're supposed to do if you go to Catholic school, like it's typical for in my family behaviors that you're— and I was like the class clown. I was, I just was, I wasn't leading an exemplary, let's say. But high school completely just like checked out because work and partying was more important. So go back around to college, and then I went, got into law school twice. So it's just Ups and downs, and I will say this. This came out about when I learned in Clubhouse when I was young. I was a very, very anxious baby, anxious child, and my mom would medicate me, which I'm like, what? And it explains so much. She would, and not by checking. She would do what she was taking. So she had anxiety or panic attack. She would take a little bit of Xanax. So I was given a little bit of Xanax before bed. And later, like, without realizing it, and this is like, you know, masks off, no stigma or shame, but I didn't realize it, that my need to party or look in the medicine cabinet and even attempts, trigger warning, even attempts at no longer being in this world because I didn't know what was going on. I didn't understand and nobody understood me. It wasn't just a teenage thing, which was the explanation, but all of that, you know, all of it, all of it, all of it was just It's really sad. It's heartbreaking, which is a push for me to, again, that helping part component, but so that other kids, boys and girls, don't have to go through maybe what some of us have. That's why I get so excited when I meet young people who are starting out young and getting diagnosed young because there's so many resources out there and so much help. So yeah, I mean, Val, seriously, everything you said was just dead on for me. And I'm just thankful that you have the space for people to, number one, not feel alone because it is very isolating, and number two, to learn and support and empower each other and definitely rise together. So yeah, just we as girls, as women, we— there's so many— We have to meet supposedly how our bodies are supposed to look. I mean, now we have more body positivity, but back when I was a kid, you were supposed to be such and such. You know, if you weren't a Victoria's Secret model, well, forget about it. You know, if you weren't getting straight A's, well, forget about it. If you weren't doing— so it was always having to constantly try to stay on top, and that pressure is so much. And I see that now with my son, trying not to— even though the pressure here in the US is like that, very competitive— but trying to mitigate that because I see how it affects him. And I know now in hindsight It wasn't— there was nothing wrong with me. It wasn't weird. I wasn't strange. It was just my beautiful brain and the beautiful brains of all of us in here. And just knowing that and paying that forward and letting other young girls and women know and their mothers, empowering the mothers, educating the mothers so that they know that there's nothing wrong with their daughters and sons, that's like the icing on the cake. So again, Val, I'm so glad that we're here and we can share our stories and support and empower each other. And again, shout out to all the men, especially those who are carers, fathers, or uncles, older brothers. Thank you. I yield the mic. Thank you again.

I just want to— can I say something real quick?

Yes, please do.

I think that we— thank you for sharing that, by the way. I think that a lot of times we want to be accepted And loved, and I think that we're missing that today so much in the human culture. Like there's just so many gray areas where people just fail to communicate, and and really like I draw hearts, and inside the hearts they all tell a story. But you know, just the one that you were just talking about reminded me of a heart that I drew called Ladder of Masks and all the different masks we wear. I think that it's very special when you can. Let your guard down and show people who you really are, you know, from a very deep, profound level. And I think that, you know, the world is missing that today. I think that, you know, people need to do that more because when you do that, you can kind of get to know someone on a more intimate level, and you also get to know more about them as a person. And I think that the world is missing that communication, the back and forth.

Billy, I'm in Florida and I sent you a picture because there's a picture of me on Instagram @fantasyfast, and if you look very closely, you'll see that my arms are around a very large stuffed, uh, uh, part of the anatomy. So just put it that way. But thank you, Billy, appreciate you.

You're welcome. Uh, I don't know how to use the app yet, but I'll definitely check it out. I'm still trying. I think that, uh, I'm still trying to figure out it from my cleaning My cleaning habits. I think I'm definitely ADHD. No, I'm just kidding. Let me check.

Oh my gosh! Now we all want to see that picture, Belinda. And yes, I'm gonna echo what Billy said. You know, like this, I the your superpower. I'm gonna highlight you for a moment. You know, one of your superpowers is that oh no, she's on the phone. Dang it. Okay, so Belinda shows up in a way that is so like. A matter-of-factly telling her truth, sharing her true authentic self, dropping the mask in a way that makes you feel so comfortable about it that it's, it's just beautiful. And that is definitely one of her superpowers. And I'm so appreciative for you for sharing and being so raw and vulnerable all the time. You're so real and you are definitely one of those people that I just love to hear because you're like, yeah, so this, this, this, this is who I am. And, and, you know, it's, it's okay. And it makes— it feels from a healed space in a way. Like, it doesn't feel like— I know you said trigger warning, but it like didn't even feel like it was a trigger, you know? Like, it felt so beautiful and kind and loving and like, hey, I'm just sharing my experience, take what you need. And, um, yeah, I love that about you. And I agree, Billy, we need more people like this. We need more rooms like this. If we could all just get in a room and, and celebrate ADHD Rise and share our feelings and who we really are, I think a lot of things in the world would be solved.

I don't know about you guys.

I agree with you. I just love— I love the love going around. But more importantly, I think that, you know, when you can— we all get crippled by fear. You know, I study a lot of books, I read a lot of books, and, um, you basically— almost 90% of what humans do, their basic behavior is done by fear, and it's dominated by fear. But I think, um, when you let your guard down, you say, hey, this is who I am, Like me, love me, or accept me. It kind of it's nice because it shows the gray areas where we're missing when you go out into the world today. Like there's just really no communication or interaction. I just feel like people are so programmed that by movies and music that it's like hard to communicate with people. It's become hard to really like communicate with people.

So I'm gonna throw something out there, and I don't know where this is coming from. It's like this intuitive. Inspiration that I just got. Could be ADHD and my brain going a million miles an hour and thinking of a thousand different things, but I just had this idea of some sort of like off this social media app, maybe in like a Zoom room on Monday or Tuesday next week, and us coming together and just really sharing our real authentic stories, our ADHD stories, in a way, a place where it's not a public thing and It's not recorded. I mean, I guess if you guys wanted to use clips of it for your social media, if you have a brand, feel free. I can get you a recording. But I wonder, I'm curious to know if anybody here would love to do like a Zoom where you can hop on and just share your story and we'll see each other and you can ask questions like, is this normal? Because there's a lot of things that come up. And I'm gonna be controversial here, but with addictions, with behaviors with sex in relationships that we might not feel comfortable asking in a space. But I think if we had like a, a Zoom call, a support room, that would be super cool to just kind of go deeper.

Love it.

And then we see each other too. Like, I like seeing people.

That's awesome.

Okay.

That is so cool.

If you guys want that, yes.

Go to my Instagram. Go to my Instagram and send me your email address and I'll send out the Zoom link. For Monday or Tuesday. You might even let me know if you have a preference, Monday or Tuesday, and a time. Let me know and I will try and accommodate for everybody. Maybe this will be like a— I, I used to do circles, like entrepreneur circles, where we'd do stuff like this where we really went deep. So maybe this could be like an ongoing thing. And I'm sure there's a few of you that could support me in it as well. Um, a couple of my friends— oh, I love you guys.

Well, awesome. Um, we don't have electricity back at the house. I'm at my sister's. In Southwest Florida, we don't have electricity. But if I've got electricity, or if I'm still here, but if I'm on the road, I won't. You know, if I'm going home, I won't be able to make it. But other than that, I'm in. I am in.

Okay, where can I mail a generator to you?

Yeah.

I don't even know if that's a thing.

It is the thing.

A solar.

Yeah, it's no power.

I have a solar cell phone charger.

There you go.

That used to camping. Did I just admit that?

Oh, could someone tell me how do I check my mailbox?

If you go up to on the upper right-hand corner, there's a little paper plane, and if you click on that, that's your mailbox or back channel. You'll hear it called back channel. That was— there was a lot of terms on Clubhouse that were so confusing to me when I hopped on here, but, um, you'll get the hang of it.

Okay, thank you.

You are so welcome. All right, we'll hop on over to— Evlie, have we heard from you? I think you may have missed or popped out of the room for a moment. I can't remember if we heard from you or not. She may not be available or multitasking. How about Um, Jelena.

Shoot, I was messaging you on Instagram. Hi everybody. Um, so good to be here. I love the topic on women and ADHD. I was diagnosed about 20 years ago now, and I was actually diagnosed because I, I was actually showing depressive signs. Um, and when I was working with a psychiatrist, um, they started doing like more research on women and ADHD, and they were finding that a lot of women have like limbic ADHD. I'm not sure if you guys have heard, heard of that, but they show— excuse me, my voice. Um, a lot of the, um, symptoms we show are— they look like depression because our ADHD could be like in the limbic system, I guess. And so when she started talking to me and asking me all these questions, um, I ended up doing like the whole neuro whatever and ended up being diagnosed with ADHD, um, which explained a lot. And like what I do want to say is like for everybody that's just finding out, like you guys are actually really lucky because the last 20 years I've still like not learned shit up until the last maybe 3 or 4 years. Because there was just not a lot of research. And a lot of the research that was done out there was about men and ADHD and little boys and ADHD. So really, like, the stuff that I have learned, I've kind of learned on my own, like getting into medit— or I can't even say when, when somebody said about meditating, like, I almost like spit my coffee out because I was laughing so hard. I was like, oh man, I wish I was one of those people that can sit there, but I cannot be that person. I'm like, solving world hunger. I'm like pretending I'm different kinds of animals in my mind. Like, it doesn't work. But I like, I've like found out about like moving meditations, and that is along the line of meditation saving our ADHD brains. But I love it. I look at like, I had to turn ADHD into a superpower for myself. And not all the time. Some days it's superpowers, some days it is like— oh no, that was a ride. I don't even know what just happened. I was like, what is it? I like ended up in another room and somebody must have clicked it. Um, but I— when I finally started like actually doing the work and like, don't— I'm like, when I first was um, prescribed with Adderall. Uh, I became addicted because I had already been using alcohol and drugs as a masking tool for myself because I had all these like social anxieties at a really young age because I just knew that my brain was not the same as everybody else's. So I used drugs and alcohol at a really early age, really early age, and then was prescribed Adderall. And this was before the slow-release Adderall, so it was like Me and my friends like, oh, here we go. Here's a tenner for you. You know, it was stupid shit. But, um, you know, here I am on the other side. And, um, other things like with my ADHD that I noticed that like I became addicted to people. So like I have a huge codependency factor to my ADHD that I work with and I work on all the time. And I can become really hyperfocused on other people and my relationships and And then not so much anymore because I am a 12 stepper. So it's I've like really learned how to not be fixated in other people's lives. The cleaning, you guys had me laughing because I am the lady of the house, single parent over here, and one that hyper focuses on things. So I My house will be a disaster. I mean, doom piles, Val, your piles, organized chaos, doom piles all over, doom boxes hiding the piles all over. But I'll tell you what, my like picture, my wall of pictures that I worked on for 2 weeks is like the most perfect thing that I've ever worked on. So like the hyperfocus and the perfectionism Also, being diagnosed with OCD has been a trip, which is a co-occurring— it's co-occurring with a lot of ADHD. My son is diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette's, high anxiety, and OCD. And according to his psychiatrist, it all stems from ADHD. And with his diagnosis with ADHD, he has since He has lower anxiety. He has— the Tourette's symptoms are almost pretty much gone. So like, like knowing the ADHD, yes, definitely helps our brains wrap around like what's really going on. We're not that different. And I think that so many— I think there's so many more neurodivergent people in the world than there are normal. I don't care what anybody says. And I work in the fields. Um, I'm an occupational therapist for kids in early intervention. And I love it. My— when I say that it's my superpower in that field, I can adapt to any situation, and I really do. It's the executive part of my job and my life of running a house with kids as a single parent that really reminds me of how much I wish I did have a normal brain sometimes. Um, I think I'm rambling. There was one more thing that somebody had mentioned. Oh, um, one thing that's helped me as a mother and a daughter is I've recently started digging into family systems with ADHD. Um, what I'm learning as an OT is that everybody fixates on, you know, the kids' behaviors and the kids' outcomes. Um, I know that was true for me. And it caused a lot of turmoil in my life, especially because when I was younger, my brain was different. I was smart in reading and writing and art, but mathematically, like, I had dyscalculia, so I reversed numbers. Like, I to this day struggle with my times tables. I'm 40, right? And I see the same things with my kids. And for the longest time, I was, you know, my dad who Himself was a raging alcoholic, so I don't know why I paid any weight to his thoughts. But you know, I was dumb. I had my mother's brain. I was stupid. I was in my mind. I built it as I'm the one that caused his alcoholism because I'm an idiot. Like you know, and then my mom just being completely undiagnosed herself and losing her mom early didn't know how to handle my brain. And I flew under the radar too because I'm inattentive ADHD. So I'm not. I wasn't bouncing off the walls, but my mind wouldn't. Stop, and it still doesn't stop to this day. Or my mouth, as you can tell. But but learning family systems has been amazing, and it's helped me deal with my mom's undiagnosed ADHD. It's helped me deal with my reaction to my family's AD. You know, my ADHD that runs in my family, in my household. Damn, I have so much to say on this on this subject. I'm gonna shut up though because it's one. And I'm blabbing, and this is great. I'm so glad to be here and listen to everybody.

I love how real you are and authentic.

Thank you. So cool.

Awesome, awesome. Thank you so, so much. Um, I'm not sure. Let's see, we have Vandy. Would you like to share next, Vandy? Yes.

If I can find the unmute button. Sorry. I, you know, it's funny. I'm hearing so many of these when you're going through that list. I'm like, oh, yep, yep, yep, yep. All of these different things that we do, you know, and compensate. So I saw one the other day on Instagram and it said things people do with, uh, women do with ADHD that have ADHD. And it showed her throwing random crap. In a bag and shoving it in a closet or up high because we didn't know what to do with it. We didn't know how to deal with it. And I do. I have the piles of paper. I have the, you know, stacks of things I need to take care of later, you know, the not unpacking, you know, all of these like weird little things that we do. And, and it is— I love, love, love the idea of cleaning together and setting up a room just where we You know, hey, let's clean. Let's go do the dishes. So for me, a lot of times I'll turn on a clubhouse room. I'll turn on a movie and let it sit there. A podcast. Let something sit there and play on my phone while I'm unloading and loading the dishwasher and cleaning up my kitchen because it keeps this that extra little thing to keep me focused. You know, the fidget spinners taking it to meetings and stuff. You know, and having something. To do, you know, to pay attention. You know, my husband, sometimes I'll play like a stupid little game on my phone. He's like, aren't you listening? I'm like, yes, I pay more attention when I'm like playing a little game than I do if I'm just sitting here, I promise. And stuff like just those little things of how we, I don't know, work around it and finding, um, you know, things. Another one that I don't think has been said that I've noticed is certain foods. Um, will make it worse. They'll make it harder for me to focus. Certain things, you know, um, I found out last year that my son was allergic to dyes, and so really focusing on cutting out, you know, foods that have dyes in them, and it's made a difference in me. And I'm like, oh, maybe this is something I need to do, you know. I already know that You know, of course sugar. If I eat better, I do better. I focus better if I take my vitamins. You know, paying attention for me vitamin B was a huge one. You know, I stayed up with some of those things, but you know figuring out those things that can make it worse or make it better. But yeah, and staying hydrated. I I don't know if maybe it's a thing that we you know don't. It makes it worse too. So things like that, that were, I don't know, little things I hadn't realized were ADHD traits until I started like being in this room studying this. Um, the girl, the gal who said earlier that she learned more about ADHD from this RISE event than she ever did her whole life. I, I feel the same way. Like I listened to people and I'm like, oh.

Yep.

And it's funny, my sister and I both recognize we have ADHD. My mother does not. Um, but the symptoms, the signs we have, the things we do are just, um, funny. And I think social media has made a big improvement of pointing out the signs, pointing out some of these things as, you know, this is what this is, you know. And I don't know if make it more acceptable, but make it more relatable maybe is kind of the thing that I've noticed. And maybe it's, you know, the people I follow because I try to follow the people in this room because I love the rooms you guys bring me into and the rooms you've opened up for me this last year. So, but yeah, so I think I would make sure we pay attention to how we're feeling with The foods we're eating, the foods we're not eating, you know, if we're staying hydrated, if we're, you know, taking care of our bodies, because our mind a lot of times is a reflection of our body. You know, I've been in a huge study on the effects of collagen, and I didn't realize how much, you know, collagen as we age, you know, in our— is so important for our brain health. And that was something I had no idea on. Until I started, you know, this deep dive. And of course, you know, it's a deep dive and we're like, all these stupid little facts instead of, you know, just focusing on it because we dive in and, you know, it's all or nothing kind of attitude. But yeah, spending that time, you know, focusing on those things. And, you know, the other thing I want to say I just appreciate about this room is I I don't. I'm not super vulnerable on social media. I'm not super honest with some of my struggles, and you guys listening to you guys has inspired me to be more honest and to be more out there. So I just for all of that. Dude, I think we might have lost Val in the room for a minute. Val, are you there? Okay, I don't see her. If she comes back in, we can go there. But unless anyone has comments on anything I say, um, flash your mic, ladies, if you would like to share next.

I don't know.

Teresa, I'll pass it to you.

I wanted to share on that collagen. I was like, wow. So I've been just using that supplement for my joints and, um, my ligaments because I've been noticing I just get pain everywhere. But if it can help improve my brain health, I'm all for it. That's awesome.

I wanted to add something there. I'm actually really big on, um, mind food and body food, so I'm trying to be real mindful what I put in. But, uh, blueberries I usually eat blueberry, organic blueberries for breakfast with yogurt, and actually it's really good for mind food. I bought a book called The Whole30. It's about mind food and all the different foods you can put in your body for mind. So I just want to throw that out there.

You know, blueberries are phenomenal. Blueberries are just, you know, an excellent, excellent food. So one of the— yeah, flash your mics if you guys love blueberries.

Let's do—

let's give some blueberries some love. You know, some of my kids don't like blueberries, and it drives me crazy because I think like blueberry pancakes and blueberry muffins are like the best thing ever, and my boys don't like them. They are— they will sometimes have them in smoothies. I can sneak them in sometimes, not always. But yeah, it's getting that, you know, paying attention to, you know, what food is good for your brain, what things we need for our brain. And because they do affect it, it's so crazy. Yeah, you know, I said something— go ahead, Katherine.

I was just gonna say brain health is so important. You know, what are the chemicals that are in the things that you're ingesting? Is it the diet pop? Is it the diet this? I mean, all those chemicals that are going into you. Now, trust me, I am not a vegan by no means. I mean, I'm gonna have a little petite filet mignon just like everybody else would, but Or some people would, but I'm not. Um, but I try to limit my sugar. My, my treat in the morning is a little cream in my coffee, but otherwise I try to stay away from milk. You know, it's, uh— And, and Vandy, what the exciting part is, it just, it sounds like our— I don't know, it's because if we're older or just we're in different pages of our life that we're learning about all this stuff. And it's so exciting because women who have ADHD— well, people who have ADHD They're naturally curious anyway. And if we treat the brain like another organ, just another organ, and give it the respect that it needs, imagine how different our life would be. So thank you, Mandy.

You know, it is, it is so true. A brain is an organ, and it does need fed, and it does need, you know, us to pay attention to what is good for and what is working for it. Whether that is morning routines, it's positivity, it's also the food we eat, the exercise we give it, and stuff like that. So there's so much on that, on that brain health and everything else. So I know that it's an incredible thought when you start putting it all together and you start, you know, paying attention to those things. And yeah, it does make a huge, huge difference. So, um, yeah, it is, it is extremely, it's extremely important.

And like some people have talked about earlier, I've learned so much in the past year about my ADHD. I knew something was different. I knew I was different. And I don't mean that in an egocentrical way. I mean, and I'm humbling when I say that. I just knew that, you know, I'm not talking about not fitting in. I'm just talking about like, like when I was a supervisor at the Airlines, and I did it for 20 years. That I would have to make notes in meetings because I'd have a wonderful evaluation every year, and I gave evaluations because that's what my job was—a quality assurance supervisor. So I gave evaluations to people on the phones, and I bring them in my office, let them know how great they were doing. But when it came to my evaluation, not only did I sweat it, but it was always the same. It was great. You participate. Da da da da da. But when you're in a meeting, Cath. Could you please dot dot dot? You know, could you please, you know, not talk so much? Could you please da da da? You know, and I I got so frustrated at it, but I would write, you know, during the meeting, and I'd try. I really would try. And that was undiagnosed at that point, but that was twenty years ago. But yeah, you know, I just when I when I hear the different signs, and we all talk about the different signs, and I'm so grateful. For Val and this, this whole club that I found, the ADHD, where I, you know, where I belong. And, you know, just going through it with everyone because we can all share, you know. And again, we rise together like Val talks about because we become stronger. And when you focus on you, it's not an ego thing. You're in the airlines. It's like we talk about, you know what? You gotta put on your mask first, your oxygen mask, before you can help anyone else. You've got to help yourself. You've got to shed those layers. You got to do the work in personal development. Maybe, maybe that's important to you. You know, Billy was talking about meditation, and someone was talking about, oh no, that's not for me. Wait a minute. I thought so too. But when I was guided through it, Through it, that's when I found out, yeah, it was for me. It's a 15-minute guided meditation. I can handle that. And what a world of difference. And Billy will probably be the first one to tell you what a world of difference a simple 10-minute, 15-minute meditation in the morning in your morning routine helps. It's incredible. So yeah, um, but you guys, are you guys willing to listen to Samuel? I mean, I know it's all about us, but he's been sitting here all this time. I wondered if Samuel would like to say a little Of course, come on up and step there, Samuel.

Hi, thanks. Hi, thanks for having me talk today. Um, I was in— I've been in part of the chat today. Um, definitely resonated with a lot of things everyone said.

Hey Samuel, we can't hear you. We can barely hear you.

Can't hear you, bud.

Can you hear me better now?

No.

If we can adjust it. No, we're still not hearing you. If you go out and come back in, we'll, we'll bring you back. Yeah, there he goes. Okay. Can you hear me now? Yeah, much better. Much better. Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much, Samuel. Go ahead.

Yeah, so thanks for having me talk today. I was just saying that I resonated a lot with a lot that's been said today, and I've forgotten half of the things I've resonated with already. But a couple of the key points that I really connected with was the whole just not being organized, whether that's like My room, papers, anything, being late. That's like my thing. I'm just late. Usually just slightly late, but late enough to be noticeable. My last job I had, I think I was late. I don't know if I was ever on time once I realized they didn't care if I came in like 10, 20 minutes late. So it got to a point where I was coming 20, 30 minutes late just because I could. Um, but yeah, getting organized is something that's affected lots of aspects of my life for my whole life. So this past year, I've really been trying, you know, to make an effort to be more organized, have like better time management, like physically, like my living space, which is also mostly my working space, um, to have that more organized and, uh, Get, you know, learn more about what foods are better for focus and ADHD and productivity. So like, you know, trying to fight my sugar addiction and yeah, I just really like this community. It's been, I was diagnosed as a child and so I grew up with being diagnosed with ADHD through like traditional medicine, stuff like that. And so it's really nice to hear that there's all sorts of people who have had it, and it's not like one type of person who has ADHD, and then it's something that actually a lot of people on this planet have. Um, so it's really nice to hear other people's perspectives and takes on things and advice.

Yes, that's awesome. I love hearing people's perspective on organizing because I'm terrible at it. And the wonderful thing is I have a husband who is just— he's just the greatest guy. I walked up to him the other day and said, you know, I'm so sorry about all these piles. And he goes, that's okay, it's not my mess. It isn't his mess, it's mine. He knows I'm going to clean it up eventually, but Sometimes I have to bring in help, you know, I'll have to ask a friend or I know a professional organizer, whatever it is to get it done, you know, because I feel more connected and, you know, kind of, I don't know if there's anyone out there that maybe does some artwork, maybe they're, you know, graphic arts and how we can dive into that. And then that pile stays there. Because what did we do? We changed our focus. And then that pile just stays there. So I totally get that, and it's, it's definitely a struggle for myself. Vandy, did you have anything else?

Oh, you know, the pile thing is definitely— the getting organized is definitely hard. And it's funny because I had ordered a filing system one time, and it worked really, really good. But then we traveled in an RV, and we moved and everything else, and we haven't had it. And the other day I'm like, Why is this so hard all of a sudden? And I went to the garage and I saw my old filing system that was still, you know, mostly in there. And I'm like, oh, I used to have a system and it told me where to put the papers and what to do with everything. And it was, you know, it was simple and it was done, but it was already organized. Somebody had already done it for me so I could just See and copy, you know, and follow the directions. And that worked for me. But have I? You know, that's been a couple months. Have I moved it over? Have I moved it back into my house so I could use it yet? Of course not. But you know, I'll think about it one of these days. But it is. So having those, you know, a system, finding, you know, the education thing, knowing, you know, that it doesn't come intuitive. I know one of the things that cracks. Me up. My mom says a lot is, you know, my sister's boyfriend will come and clean for her. And my mom's like, well, maybe he could come clean for me. And my sister started laughing. She's like, people don't like to just clean. They're just good at it, but it doesn't mean they like to do it or they want to come clean for somebody else. She— and she was laughing. She goes, Lee cleans for me because he loves me and it's a way that he can give back. But So many of us, we think that somebody else may just love to clean. They may just be better at that. That may be something they love to do. And, you know, they just may not have ADHD. And it's okay to have those differences, and it's okay to find the systems, you know, and follow— get help. So many of us don't feel like we— especially as women, you know, I'm gonna talk to the women here for a minute. It's okay to get help. You know, if you're an entrepreneur, if you're a mom and you're juggling multiple things, even if you just have a job, you know, it's okay to hire help for those, you know, because there may be jobs that you don't want to do. I absolutely love like Instacart right now that I can just go pick up my groceries. I don't have to go in the grocery store because I can spend And go and double-check the list. I can get things on there. It works for me. You know, my mom goes, well, what if they mess it up? What if you don't like the tomatoes they pick out? And I'm like, I don't care because it's something else off my list. That's not a distraction for me. I used to go grocery shopping and come home and order food out because it was too overwhelming. Then I'd made too many decisions. To you know bother with cooking, and that's another thing. Should we talk about decision fatigue right now as women? Share share on that.

Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to.

I just hey, Herman. Welcome. Uh, I have the same problem with time management, and when I jump on here next time to talk to you, I will. Tell you about a book that I'm reading called The Whole30. It's about brain health and brain food. I did want to say welcome to you. I'm a new guy as well. Uh, and the thing about meditation, the other lady was saying— I don't know all your names yet, so I apologize for that— meditation is a huge, a huge, huge helping tool for whoever's out there struggling with any area of what you're struggling with. But it's called white noise. You got to take your time and slow down and focus on your breathing.

Absolutely.

Alone with no distractions, no phone, no kids, no nothing. You got to be completely alone with nobody around there to mess with you, and you got to focus on your breathing. The first few times it feels really weird because I'm learning how to do it right now, and the more that you do it, you'll get more centered and you'll get more focused on what you're trying to focus on. If that makes sense.

It does, it makes perfect sense. And Val will be the first one to tell you, full disclosure, we are products of Tony Robbins, and that's one of the Biggest thing he does at the end of each— well, during his workshops that you go through, and that's where I learned. He has a meditation on YouTube every morning that's free to anybody. Anybody can do it. It's 15 minutes. And it's just really nice to slow my brain down because the one thing that we know And I know you guys will be here with me when I say this, is that we have very busy brains. They're very busy. And it's so nice to slow down. And one of the nicest things is it gets you to focus on yourself and focusing on yourself and what you need for the future, what you want for the future. And you see yourself in that future. That's so important because It's, it's difficult for me as a sensitive person to see people stuck in their past when I know that they have a different journey. Val was saying we're going to rise together. She knows it. She feels it. It's the way that we're, we're learning. And I hate to— it's, it's just so, it's so heavy on my heart when I see people who are stuck. They're stuck in the pain. They're stuck in the, I want to be this or I want to be that. And they're stuck in the, you know, the decision-making. And, you know, as a life coach, that's where I want to help people help themselves to a new flight plan for their future and help them take off with the things that they want to do. So yeah, meditation is so important. And I never— I wish I would have had that tool, you know, 20, 30 years ago. But I don't wish it in terms of would my life have been different? It could have been, but I'm not going to spend time there. I know it works. I know that there's many different ways to meditate. And there's many different ways to get that brain health. It's just another tool for brain health. And it helps us focus our day. And it makes the day kind of lighter. You know, there's a lot of gratitude involved with it too. What do you think, Vandy? And thank you, Billie.

You know, it is. And it's one of those things like, yeah, Do I— meditation, yoga, those are kind of things that I had really, really struggled with over the years. But using, you know, help guiding, you know, that's one of the things that I think we forget with ADHD. We forget that just because it may not come easy or may not come natural, we think we're not good at it. And we take it off the list or we, you know, it's a failure instead of realizing that one of our superpowers is, you know, sometimes we need help and it's okay to get the help. It's okay to use a guided meditation. It's okay to use extra tools and extra things to focus so that we can, can do those things, you know. Whether it's routines or meditation, guided meditation. And just because it may not work one way doesn't mean it doesn't work at all. You know, to sit and meditate or to be calm, like, it, it's hard. But to use a guided meditation, to have somebody else, you know, saying it in the background— We found one coach, and I use it a lot for, you know, morning, evenings, And stuff, you know, of those neuro tools of really getting your brain. And she has a kid version. Well, this last month we were at the county fair and they— we watched the hypnotist show. And I didn't think my 2 little boys, you know, 8 and 6, would even sit through this show. But as they're almost falling asleep on top of me at the beginning, as she's putting You know, the kids into the hypnosis, you know, up on the stage, or the youth, you know. My little boy leans over and he's almost asleep, and I'm like, we're done, they're gonna, you know, be done with this. And as soon as they went into the more of the show where, you know, getting the kids to do stuff and react, my boys were intrigued again. And he leans over and he goes, this is like that. I can think for kids that, you know, she— we do at night. And it was because it was that breathing, that focusing of getting, you know, deep breaths, calming yourself down and focusing on your body. And it was just intriguing to me that a little boy who just barely turned 9 could identify that and identify what, you know, that he liked those and stuff. So It is. It's using all of those tools. And for me, it's, you know, staying consistent instead of, boop, rabbit, we're gonna do this every single night. 4 nights later, we're on something else, you know. And it's just, you know, using those tools. So yeah, I would definitely say use the tools that are available. Any other comments?

Yeah. Do we go to the top of the hour or in 5 minutes?

I think it's 5 minutes. I don't know what—

Yeah, I thought so too.

Yeah, but if anyone else wants to share, maybe we'll just all go through and share a tip before we end the session. How does that sound, Katherine?

I think that sounds awesome. You want to start?

Absolutely. So my tip— gosh, now I said that and then I had to like totally mind blank for a minute. That, that's part of what it is. You know, my tip is going to be throughout this month, I want you to listen to the ADHD Rise and Thrive, or just Rise, sorry, Rise and Thrive, something else. Um, but Rise event and think about, you know, listen to the stories and don't try to do everything that's suggested. Just take one thing away each time you listen. You know, put this on your calendar so you have it scheduled. I think it's every Friday throughout October, but we can grab the exact thing from Val's link up ahead, up top. But take one thing each session, put it— so put it on your calendar, number one. Number two, take one thing that you're going to apply to your life and pay attention to, you know, and see how it goes from there and stuff. So my thing I'm going to do is just be a lot more open and honest with myself and on my social media with some of my struggles. So that's what I'm gonna do, and I'll pass the mic.

Thank you so much, Vandy. Denaro? Hello? Just a kitty cat. Denaro, do you want to say real quick, um, we're gonna head on out soon, and, uh, maybe a quick closing What do you think you might be working on?

What do I think I might be working on?

Yeah, like a quote that you might want to work on, um, during the month. Um, I guess to keep on giving myself small challenges, you know, stop looking at, um, stop being so negative because I'm always like looking at my mistakes and on the negative side.

So I'm gonna—

this month I'm gonna try to focus on the positive.

And if I make a mistake, you know, try not to be so hard on myself. Yeah. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. Thank you. That sounds awesome. I'm gonna— Jocelyn?

Sorry.

No, it's okay. Jocelyn, any last focus for— Theresa, are you there? I'm here. Um, what are you gonna do about that? I'd like to celebrate my accomplishments and not look at what yet I have to do, you know, like look at all the stuff that you have to do and still celebrate the wins because I have this constant thing on in my mind that I have to constantly stay focused on what I need to do, what I need to do, what I need to do. And it's like, girl, you need to breathe and just be grateful what you have accomplished and quit looking at all the things you have not done. Wow. Yeah, that attitude of gratitude is, is phenomenal.

Billy, what do you say?

Um, I say I'm gonna focus on my time management and, um, just trying to— what I'm gonna take away is what we were sharing before, just to put myself out there more and to, you know, be more transparent. Those are mine, but I'm gonna take Sam's and just try to work with— work on time management because I work like 16 hours a day on my art and stuff, so I'm pretty busy usually.

That is so awesome. Thank you so much, and again, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome, and welcome to all of you in this room. It's been such a wonderful—I don't know, like two hours, I guess. I'm not sure at this point. I think for myself, I'm just gonna have to do what Val said. I'm just gonna have to live this out. A tiny recap: I was in the storm. I was in Ian. So I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm gonna, you know, go ahead and. Live that out and I'll be okay. I know everything's gonna be okay. And for myself, I think I just want ladies just to remember that we are enough and together we will rise. I hope you guys will take the time out throughout the month to hop back in and be with people and take a listen. And, Vandy, do you want to take us out?

I did want to say before I leave, guys, don't be mad at the Messenger. I am going to the beach to meditate for an hour. I just wanted to thank all of you guys for welcoming me to the group.

Oh, thank you, Billy. Thank you so much. And don't worry, I won't be jealous. I was gonna go outside and get in the sun myself. Southwest Florida. Well, but I'm gonna be jealous.

Did you want to take us? I said I'm gonna be jealous because it turned a little bit cold and chilly this week here. I'm in the mountains in Arizona.

So anyway, that's awesome.

That it is a little bit chillier than I love, but that's okay. I got a new hoodie and I'm gonna enjoy that. But yeah, you guys, I want to just tell everyone thank you for following the ADHD Rise group. I hope you are following the club Business and Brand Secrets. I hope you're following the moderators. I hope you're looking around and you know the people in the room. I just want to say thank you to Anthony, Mir, Nicole, Big, Rich, Richard, you know, Billy, Daenerys, Teresa, and Catherine. And of course Val, who's the— let's put this all together, you know. And, you know, so follow those guys. You guys, we will be back here, I believe. I know there's some other events happening today. I'm not sure exactly what time they are, but click on the link, follow it, you know, turn the bell on, and you can get notified on that, and I'll make sure I know the schedule a little bit more. But with that, we will go ahead and end the room. So thank you guys, and yeah, jump back in. Um, I don't see what else is scheduled, but I don't either.

I, I know we've got a couple—

there's panels going on, there's people hosting throughout the week. I think the next one probably starts in 30 minutes.

So yeah, jump back on.

Awesome. Follow the things, and yeah, it's thank you for the support, and thank you for everybody's doing some stuff. With that, in the room. Thank you, everyone. Bye bye.