ADHD RISE | ADHD & Addictions Panel Highlights | 2023 | Host Val Nichols Business Coach ADHD Mentor

Hello everybody and welcome to ADHD Rise. This is our 3rd annual celebration of ADD, ADHD, and neurodiversity. So welcome. If this is your first time here, I'm so excited to welcome you into this beautiful movement. This is not just a conversation, this is not just topics we're going to be having, this is a movement. that is made for you, for me, for us, because we believe here at ADHD Rise that when I rise, you rise, we rise together, and we absolutely refuse to be defined by any limitation. So for those of you who are just joining us now today, my name is Val Nichols. I am a business coach and an ADHD mentor. I love working with heartfelt, heart-centered entrepreneurs just like you who have beautiful bold brains and are navigating The neurotypical space with a neurodiverse mind. So today we're going to talk about a topic that is so important for all of us out there, the effects of ADHD and addictions. People who have ADHD often use drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism to self-medicate, to cover up the pain, the feeling of I'm not good enough, I'm too much, or, you know, in masking. So there's also lots of types of addictions we can have. Internet addiction, phone addiction, food addiction, drugs and alcohol addiction, gambling addictions. I mean, it goes ad infinitum. If you have ADHD or neurodiversity, you are actually more susceptible to having this instant reward system put into your brain. And that means that if someone were to offer you $1 right now or say, I'll give you $5 at the end of the week, we're more likely to go for the dollar now than the $5 at the end of the week Because we want that instant gratification. We don't want that delayed experience. So we're going to open up the mics now and we're going to be talking about some very sensitive topics around addictions. You're going to hear people share about their substance abuse. I hope you get a lot out of this. I know I definitely did. There is so much juicy information in here, and I want to hear from you guys as you're going through this. What are you hearing? What are you relating with? Feel free to drop in the comments. I will come back and check all of these comments. And again, welcome to ADHD Rise. I am Val Nichols. I am so incredibly excited to have you here to be kicking off this movement and our third year, year 3 of ADHD Rise, where we refuse to be defined by any limitation, whatever that is. Because here at ADHD Rise, when I rise, you rise, we rise together. And don't forget to join the ADHD Rise collective community. You can share your thoughts and join in on all the wild celebration. I love you.

My oldest son had autism and my younger son has ADHD, so I feel these things are hereditary and I don't know that you just get them from one parent, and maybe you do, but, and so I see those people struggling with addiction and it It's difficult to see, and then it can cause issues for the whole family just as much as our ADHD alone can be a factor in how we relate to one another. Because my family, my sister and my mom, can't stand it when I interrupt them or talk over them. And it's only the people I'm comfortable with that I do this. It's never in a social situation where people are kind of new in the group or I'm networking. It's just usually I'm people that I'm comfortable with. And, and if not, I'm kind of aware of what I'm doing around other people that aren't family. Around family and friends, I'm pretty comfortable. And if they've known me for a long time, they just accept it as to who I am. So that's all I've got to share on this topic. Thank you.

Yeah, thank you so much, Val. Yeah, such a great topic. And thank you for allowing me to be a part of this great conversation. Hopefully the street noise isn't too loud here in Dublin, Ireland. But no, I have a, like yourself, I'm about 12 years sober and I've always had a really struggle with addiction. I was actually diagnosed at a young age, at the age of 9, and I was the first kid in my private grade school to be diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication. And even for my 6th grade project for the D.A.R.E., for those in the United States, you know, you had like the D.A.R.E. class. I wrote my essay where my first line was, I didn't know how true, I didn't realize how true this was gonna be. I am an addict and I'm in a gang. I'm an addict because I take medication called Ritalin and I'm in a gang called the Boy Scouts. And I end up actually winning the competition. By writing this kind of think piece about kind of how I struggled with it because only just a few months earlier was my first experience of almost overdosing on my Ritalin medication. I had a hard time in school. I struggled a lot. And, one day when I was going home, 2 kids from the public school that used to bully me a lot Knocked me off my bike and did a kind of, tried to commit an act of kind of a sexual abuse kind of nature. And, I went home and I took about half the pills, half my Ritalin pills because I wanted to stop that feeling. And, it took me about convincing my parents almost another 4 or 5 years to take me off medication. And, even though I thought it was the medication, I was just trying to—

I'll leave it at that.

Bury and try to handle feelings I couldn't know how to handle. And especially with ADHD, we, because of the way our brains are developed, we have that dopamine-seeking behavior. We have that, like, we don't have those right neurochemicals in place. So it's so easy to fall into traps when it comes with addiction, um, especially with drugs and alcohol, cuz we get that feeling where we're like, especially for me, I was a shy kid.

Yeah.

Didn't like school, was always so tough. So if I had something to give me relief, I would take it. And then when I was 15, I found cooking and that really helped me kind of master my ADHD cuz I was put in an environment where it gave me the right stimulation. And while that was great for my last 2 years of high school and going into my 20s for cooking, Just because of the restaurant industry, alcohol became my new crutch because it was the thing that I replaced my medication with of, oh, this will solve my problems, or this will be the thing that will help me overcome or give me that dopamine hit to relax. And, I created these things in my mind that this was doing something for me. In actuality, it was causing me more harm than actual good. And, it's so easy for us to kind of trick ourselves into Thinking, oh, that one isn't gonna hurt. Oh, just a little bit's gonna be okay. But it's that, you know, as soon as we set off that allergy of the body, like it becomes that craving and obsession takes over. And when obsession takes over, we lose choice. And that's like so easy for us to get locked into obsession, locked into, I gotta get this, gotta have that. Uh, and I'm do whatever it takes to get it can lead into some really bad kind of things. For me, it like took until about 3 weeks before my 30th birthday, I ended up blacking out drunk, went to my old apartment that I hadn't lived in and was arrested and had to put myself into treatment and deal with the court stuff and really look at myself. It was also one of the first times I really started to look at my ADHD because for me, alcohol and drugs was my coping mechanism for trying to deal with my ADHD. And I hadn't really after high school. It was kind of told when I was a kid, like, oh yeah, by the time you're 18 or 19, ADHD just goes away. And we know that's not true now. We know that's not true. We know that we still have to— it's a daily struggle and a daily part of our lives, you know. And understanding, and over the last 12 years, I've really did a lot, a deep dive, not just within Uh, AA and recovery, but in self-development work of understanding how I operate, why I operate how I have. And it's developed for me a way to actually love myself, to accept who I am. And I think that is one of the more kind of valuable things that you can get of like understanding your ADHD is learning how to say like, you have ADHD, you can't change that, but you can do something about it. And this is, you know, what I've been kind of working on a lot over the last kind of 12 years. I've kind of moved into the coaching space now to help men in particular to deal with kind of the internal work that helps you overcome not just addiction, but your ADHD and help kind of move you forward. I'm part of the Men's ADHD Support Group. We're a Facebook group that just became a nonprofit last year. And, we talk a lot in our group about addiction and relationship issues as well and how that affects our lives. And, you can see just from my personal experience and from all the guys we have in our group of how much alcohol and drugs really plays a toll. A lot of guys still talk about like, oh, but I self-medicate with weed. I used to do that myself, but that still led to an overuse and having to do Marijuana Anonymous because it was another substance I was trying to use to fill the inside hole. I can't use outside substances to fill the inside hole. I can only use inside things to fill that inside hole. And those inside things are my values, beliefs, Uh, my morality, things that I can hold onto that give me concrete kind of things to hold onto so that I can handle situations. And, you know, through that, I've been able to move to Europe. Um, I've been here now over 8 years and traveled around, uh, found a fiancée and able to work with my ADHD instead of against it. I've learned to master my mind instead of my mind mastering me. Yeah, that's kind of what— that's my story with addiction. So anyone who's struggling with addiction or think, oh, you know, like it's so easy to fall into the trap, like, oh, it won't happen to me. Just because, especially because if you have ADHD or neurodiversity, the way our brain chemistry is set up, you're more likely to be affected by it, more likely to be affected with mental health issues. A mental illness, so finding and having those right spiritual tools to help you overcome it. So that's kind of all I got at the moment, Val. But I hope that yeah, thank you so much.

And good morning.

I have been cracking up. I hope everyone is well. Um, yeah, this has been good. I know for me the addiction is food, no matter what people think with the whole alcohol thing. I probably have had alcohol like 7 times in the past year, but, uh, the food, absolutely. I am an emotional eater. I will stress eat when stuff goes to the left. I am getting me some bad sugar that I know I should not have. And with everything that's gone down since I've been down here in Atlanta, I have been reaching for that sugar left and right, getting ice cream, getting frozen yogurt, having cake, all of it. So yes, that is so real. Um, and it's one of those things where I am totally out of my routine, and that is key too, you know, when you have Excuse me, ADHD. Having a routine is so important. You know, not only am I in Atlanta, um, you know, I had to push through for the 2 and a half weeks with these certifications even while I was down here, having to come back and forth to Charlotte, leaving at 2 o'clock in the morning from Atlanta, 2 o'clock in the morning from Charlotte, going to Chicago, not getting booked for a flight back home, having to delve out $423 that I know it's not in a budget. Nowhere in a budget to get back home in time for the program. I mean, just a whole bunch of different things dealing with stuff with petty, petty family members, um, down here putting pressure on other people to do things they don't want to do, which inevitably affected me. I mean, you name it, there's so many different things. And, um, you know, having those wrenches thrown into situations And then them being things that affect us are key. And it was so funny, even when you mentioned the calendar, I chuckled because I've got my calendar and I put stuff on the wrong day. I showed up for a birthday party for a reverend at the church a day late because I put it on the wrong day. I have been telling people about it. I posted about this party. I put it on the wrong day. And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. Like, And I can, I can be inattentive, but I can also be the hyperfocus when it comes to stuff. Or me putting stuff on the calendar and forgetting to look at the calendar early enough, or, you know, different things like that. I'm like, oh my God, I put a reminder here, put a reminder there. I'm just too late with looking at it, or I press the wrong button on the calendar. I put PM instead of AM, and I'm just like, oh man. So yes, this stuff is real. And, um, yeah, kind of what you were saying when it came to the burnout, like, you know, I have pushed myself. And I'm a person, I don't have to have a lot of sleep. But with these past 2— well, I guess it's now 3 weeks— 3 weeks that I have been down here, I have pushed myself beyond push myself. And so now it's like, all right, I'm going back home. I need to reset. Um, my mom, brother, and I are going to come back Thursday for my graduation down here, but there were some things that I had planned for Saturday that I don't think I'm gonna do. I think I'm just gonna ride back— ride up with them and then come back with them and call it a day because I need rest, you know. And the thing is, us being neurodivergent, we have to be so committed to doing what we need to do for ourselves that we don't care what other people try to tell us. Like, this whole mentality of go, go, go, go, go— I don't prescribe to that. And, you know, back in the day growing up, my dad worked a whole bunch of hours. And that was something that I said. I was like, I want my husband— I want to have the freedom, that quality time with my husband. I want him to be able to spend time with the kids. And I don't want to be someone who's working all those many hours. You know, that's what I got from it. And I am very committed to that. Are there times where there are consequences that I don't like? Absolutely. But I'm going to choose my value system, and my value system is my value system. If I need to take a break, I'm going to take a break. I, I've gone through the burnout. I am telling people no left and right, and it is what it is. People are going to put pressure on us to do what they want us to do. At the end of the day, we have to know what is most important to us. We have to know our value system. We have to know how things affect us because that's key too. What affects me one way may not affect Val the other way. And when we know that, and then when I know I'm an HSP and I've, in my entire life, trying to figure out why do these things bother me? Why in middle school where people were going and poking the morbidly obese guy in the stomach? Why did it bother me so much and nobody else gave a damn? Like, all of these different things. When I see things that happen to people and it burns me up inside, when people are bullying people, I know these things about me. When I see things about other countries and the stuff that they're going through, and I'm getting choked up now thinking about it, it bothers me. Everybody else is like, I don't care, I don't care. So now with where I am, I have to not watch the news as much. I'm a I'm someone who likes to be big on current events, but to get me through what I need to get through, this is something that I'm having to do.

Happy Monday!

Good morning, everyone here.

Yeah, as always, thanks for having me up, Val. My name is Chris. For those who don't know, I'm a mindfulness coach and I have ADHD. I'm one of the few. Who has yet to be medicated. And I'm 44 years old, diagnosed a while back. But my mother— and that's sort of the crux of the topic today— would be addictions. My mother was an alcoholic, and she suffered a great deal from depression. She had a hard time coping with the loss of my grandparents, who were killed in a drunk driving accident on vacation. And she never seemed to recover from that. That happened when I was 2 and a half, I believe. Obviously, I don't remember it, but I'm remembering, you know, the historical retelling of it. And she, for my entire childhood, was suffering from it. She would go to multiple therapists and tell them different stories. It wasn't until I was close to 40 years old, looking back, And she's since passed, that I had come to understand she was also narcissistic and a number of other things. But keeping to the topic of addiction, what I knew— or how do I explain this? From my ADHD perspective, growing up being told I was too much, to be quiet, to go color, don't be annoying, so on and so forth, I learned to soothe myself. in my solitude, but it was like putting myself into a little bubble. There wasn't a way for other information to get in because I was also isolated with her. And I don't want to say I was raised wrong because none of our parents, you know, go through any classes. And quite often, I would even say from my mom's perspective, I still believe she did the best she could despite everything, you know what I mean? If we all had the parents we wanted, You know, they would— it just doesn't work that way. We wouldn't be who we are. Um, and she had this— for her, alcohol and even the drugs, and she would mix her drugs, which eventually was what took her, took her down. Um, but when she would mix and all these things, it was this aspect of control. And I think ultimately that's— and I'm sorry because I know I'm taking forever to land this plane. But I believe that's what she was addicted to. And alcoholism and her depression meds and a number of other things were ways that she was trying to assert control over her life. And I've met a great deal of people, me included, for years and years who thought that that was the way too. If I could control everything, if I, you know, if you want something done right, do it yourself, that kind of thing. That everything would go off without a hitch. And I've come to learn through experience that absolute control is a fallacious path. It's, it's not the way, it's not even really possible. And that it's more about learning to stabilize in the storm. Like the storm's almost always going to be raging. Life, the ocean, the waves are gonna keep moving. It doesn't stop no matter how much we're going through. And that can be crazy overwhelming. But instead of trying to control the ocean in this metaphor, which is what I believe my mother was trying to do, and I know people in my life. I've learned it's more about finding a way to balance on the waves as they move. It's about finding a stable space in the present moment. And so, it's not about control, it's more about this— again, how do I get— it's like for people who are stuck in the addiction, control is an on-off switch. It's a black or white. It's an all-or-nothing fallacy. When in fact, the way we move is, is way more like waves than up and down angles. And so you, you know that when you take a sip of alcohol and you start to drink, you're not going to feel that feeling right away. It's not a switch, but you trust that it is. So your mindset already starts to relax the second you start to drink. It's, it's, and it completely makes logical sense from that standpoint, right? We are trying to assert control over a situation that we are not happy about. And instead of trying to assert control, this is sort of my point, and hopefully I've made sense. I, you know, I've learned it's a lot more about trying to stay present and stabilize even in a bad moment. Just stabilize while I'm sad, not turn off my sadness, not turn off my anger, not turn off my laughter, but stabilize, bring my brain back into function while I'm feeling it. And I know that there are some drugs, both, you know, recreational and pharmaceutical, that help with that. But as long as we remember that we're looking to stabilize, not on-off control things, I think it's helped me. And so I hope I haven't taken too long to land this plane. Thanks for having me, Val. My pleasure.

Good morning. Oh my gosh, I have not been on Clubhouse in a few weeks. It feels good to be in a room again connecting and just talking to like-minded, uh, other people out there. So yeah, ADHD. Well, I have ADHD, um And addictions. I related to a lot of what Chris was saying. Um, really appreciate that. My brain is now like mapping like crazy at like lightning speed, so I feel really scrambled. But, um, that's my brain, right? It's like it, it feels connected with something and now I need like a solution and my brain is mapping and And just gathering so much data from like childhood. But anyway, so my ADHD did start, like my journey did begin when I was eight years old, and I remember getting pulled out of school because my parents thought like something, just something was different. Um, I don't really actually know like the full. background as to why my parents decided to get me tested for ADHD, but they did. And then when they found out the diagnosis was in fact ADHD, they said no, which is what actually caused a lot of harm to myself over the years. Because, you know, they found out that I had ADHD, and I knew growing up in school that I— that I just like that something was different about me. Just the way I learned, the way I, you know, just I guess wanted to do things in school was just not in the norm of my peers. And so when they said like, no, that's not true, she doesn't have ADHD, like she's fine, that definitely made me feel like there was something wrong with me. And that I carried that with me into my 30s. I, I, and then it definitely led me down a lift, a lot of different paths of addiction. So it started for me like I would have been around 10. I got a newspaper route and all the money that I earned, and I don't even till this day, I don't even know why my parents didn't ask where all my money went because it was quite a bit of money. Back then, and it all went to candy, to sugar. I remember when I would get paid, I would go to the candy store and buy tons of candy. Like, I would eat, binge eat candy until I was sick. And the thing is, is that, you know, that dopamine hit, it calmed me down and my brain could finally slow down and I felt calmer in my body. And that was just the first entry point into my addictions. And then from there, it went into, you know, drinking, it went into sex, it went into shopping, money. Like, I've pretty much, I think, been down every, every alley when it comes to addiction. And thank God, in my 30s, I went to my doctor and said, You know, I need I need help. I just I hit a bottom where I felt really helpless, and I needed medication. So till this day, I am medicated for my ADHD. That's just something that I need because it's what's helped me. I guess just overcome and heal from so much harm that. Has been done to me and that I did to myself throughout the years. So medication's definitely been a solution for me, and it's not like an end-all. With the medication, I have to go to therapy and I have to be in addiction groups and, you know, just recover from so many things. But I have a lot of gratitude in that too, because at least, you know, I know today that I I have a name for, you know, how my brain works, and I have recovery, a recovery plan to over to overcome so much that's happened to me, and and I'm okay with that. Um, and it also gives me like peace as to like it gives me peace in knowing and understanding what happened to me when I was young, and that. I just don't even think my parents knew. Like, although, you know, I do hold them responsible and accountable for some of the— like, for some of the things that happened, they don't— they didn't realize the harm that, that it was causing. And there wasn't a lot of, you know, like, the information we have now on ADHD and just how the brain works looks a lot different than it Did. Like, it looks a lot different now than it did in the '80s. So, um, I'm just— yeah, like, I'm, I'm okay. I'm okay with, with where I'm at now. And it's like, it's an everyday— like the Serenity Prayer, it's like, it's an everyday surrender because I wake up with my brain, with myself, and I wake up like having to— and some days more than others— put so much effort into how my day is gonna go. And whether, like, you know, it's just really important how I start out my day. That's all I have to say. It's really key. It's everything. And how I end my day and just managing my own life. And that goes back into the control piece. It's like, I— what do I have control over? Well, I have control over what happens when I wake up, like how I, how I start my day. What I allow into my life, what I don't allow into my life, what I do before I go to sleep. And then it's being really mindful of, of like what triggers me or like what, um, like what I don't need. And, and that's not to put anyone down or like dismiss anyone or anything around me, but it's like I really do have to keep myself safe And I do have to protect my sanity and my peace. And I just, I really have to be vigilant and be on guard because my brain is like my brain and, and just my spirit and my mindset, just my body, everything is just so valuable. And I think that that's just something I've learned in recovery. That it's just— I have to just self-care first. Self-care first, and then I can give back to other people. And growing up, that was like a— anyways, I'm not going to get into that. I'm going to stop there because my brain's going all over. But I just want to say thank you for allowing me to speak and give space, and I love you all, and it feels really good to be back.

Nope.

I want to jump it one further and say there are some things, and I know that this would be controversial and it's not meant to be like a tribal thing, but there are some things Well, I sure do. Right? I would, I would genuinely, though I'll admit it has a bit of arrogance in it, say that people with ADHD understand some things better. Not wrong. See, that's the, that was the thing about me with my mom.

And at least that's where it started.

And that I'm glad we're touching on that because Even as a 4-year-old being raised by an alcoholic mother, there were things about reality I saw correctly despite what I was being told. And that— and that's—

Yes.

That's the beginning of it when you're told you're too much or you're wrong or that's not right, but you're being told by an unstable adult. And so that's mind-blowing to me because just like you said, Val, that also translates into our adult life.

There are tons of people out there, and I'm not going to label them all neurotypical or anything like that, but there are tons of people out there who are confused about something, and you walk up and go, no, I understand.

No, you don't.

It's like, yeah, actually I do. I understand now that I probably cannot explain it to you because for whatever reason, no judgment, but I do understand.

And there's a lot of that that like we get. It's just this awful toxic like thing from society that keeps slamming people who have other brain brain designs, basically.

Not wrong, other.

So, even calling it a disorder, I agree with you, Val. It's already giving it this negative connotation.

It's just a different model. It's a different wiring set. It's not different.

It's Apple versus Android. And, I'm not labeling which one's which because it's stupid.

It's just understanding that this one works too. Yeah.

I have trouble focusing on what I want to focus on, but when I'm focused, I don't have problems.

So it's, it's one of those things where I don't always want to accept this concept when people are like, no, because of whatever you've got, because you have ADHD, you don't understand. I'm like, yeah, I don't know. All right. I know I doubled down like 4 times, but I'm done.

Can I share something really quick, Val? I just with What was being said, it just kind of reminds me of something that happened at work that is really funny, but it's also yeah embracing the ADHD superpower, being intuitive, having really good insight. So I'm like my second year at my job, so people around me are still getting to know me, and when it looks like I'm zoning out, I'm actually just really deep in thought. And so the last staff meeting I was at, where we were trying to come up and brainstorm a solution just for this high-risk youth that we're dealing with, I'm pretty sure everyone in the room just thinks that I zone out all the time because I kind of look to the side or look up and I'm not really looking at anyone, but I'm just taking everything in, right? Like really deeply. And just brainstorming and like, you know, collecting data and analyzing and creating like this master plan. And then, so finally, I just felt like it was a meeting where like I was going to share. So at the end of the meeting, finally, like I zoned back in and I just, I spoke and I just told everyone in the room my plan that I, you know, created for the student. And one of the teachers looks at me and goes, So like, at what point were you like, where did that come from? And at what point, like, you just thought of that, just like, you know, snap of— And I'm like, no, actually, I'm— and what I've learned to do is just through listening and allowing myself just to be silent and absorb everything everyone's saying, I can use like that ADHD superpower just to become really creative and think outside the box. And with that, you know, intuition and insight, you know, and all those good things that come with ADHD. I, I don't know, it was just like this just miracle moment for me where I got to share a part of myself with the group that I don't often feel brave enough to do because I— yeah, I don't know, I just wanted to— I just— it, it does take courage, you know, to sometimes voice those out-of-the-box opinions or solutions. And I think that it's just something we should do more of with other people that maybe we know are a little bit uncomfortable with it. Because the thing is, is this plan that I did voice is going to be used in this young woman's life and she really needs it. So I think Risk-taking as well, you know, because I think taking risks in the past with ADHD and addiction has gotten into me, gotten me into a lot of trouble before. But I think what I'm teaching myself now is like, it's okay, Alyssa, the risks that you're taking now, like, it's safe.

So anyways. May I jump in? So I've been cracking up with what Alyssa was saying. I was like, yeah, like I'll look at myself, I'll go back and replay these live videos that I do on IG, and I'm like, oh my God, my eyes are going to the left. And like she said, I'm analyzing things and all this. I'm like, if I weren't working on just doing the first take, I would re-record this. I know people are like, what is going on? But it's true, like We can be doing so many things in our mind. I can be doing that live, but I'm analyzing, what am I going to have for dinner? Am I going to go home tomorrow? Like all of these different things, being aware of my surroundings. Oh, that guy, he was just so-and-so. What is he doing? You know, all types of things. And people would think you're zoning out or you're not paying attention, but we are. We are paying attention. We're listening to what you're, what you're saying, but we're doing all these other things. at the same time. So that is a good point. And then secondly, you know, what she was mentioning with the risk-taking, I think that is so key. And we really have to remember that, you know, a lot of the different innovative people, they are people with ADHD. You know, entrepreneurs, people who come up with all of these inventions, patents, all this stuff, a lot of them deal with that. And so We have to be— I mean, everyone, definitely. But when you know that's your superpower, you ought to encourage yourself to jump out there and take the risk. Like she said, from her taking that risk is helping a little girl out. And so many times people will try to convince you, oh, something won't work, or you're doing too much, whatever the case may be. But guess what? Everyone who has started a business, everyone who has had an amazing invention, they've had people to say that. Like, they didn't get where they are from hearing everybody affirm what they do. We have to learn how to just chew up the meat and spit out the bones. And someone said in the room last night, all criticism is great, or something like that. And I totally agree. I want to hear because I want to make my stuff the best. So I want to hear what your critiques are, but just realize your critique may not be in line with the mission, or it may not be in line with what I'm wanting to do. But having people to critique stuff is the best thing because that enables it to— or I guess maybe has a— it creates a higher likelihood of once you get there, it being even more sustainable.

Hey everybody, glad to hear from everybody today. It's, uh, Really great start to my day just hearing you folks. Um, man, I think I came on at just the right time. I was just listening to everybody and just writing down thoughts. And, uh, yeah, I'd have a whole book by now if I was at the end. But, um, I think that some of the things that I just wanted to share, um, listening to some of you guys, um, uh, one gentleman was talking about Being bullied, you know, as a kid. Everybody was talking about addiction. And I think that a lot of that tends to stem because what is addiction? You know, you're trying to fill a hole, fill something in you that you feel is missing. And I think it stems from a feeling of being insufficient, you know. Share a little about myself looking back, because I found out I had ADHD about 4 years ago to actually put a label on it. But now looking back, the first major instance dealing with addiction that I had was in the 4th grade. I'm 37, you know, but it's a different time. You know, we, um, I walked to school and I walked home from school, and, uh, there was an arcade on the way home. And, uh, every morning my stepmother had a coin jar that she would put coins and stuff in, and I would— it started off, I'd just take a couple quarters out of it. You know, and then I go to this arcade after school, and I laugh about this now. I think some of y'all are gonna laugh too. But how many times you have that deadline you're supposed to meet and it's like you play it right up to the wire, you know, to get started? And that was me. Like, I know I have X amount of time to get home before my parents get home. Like, reasonably, I could have actually gone to the arcade Every single day and made it home in time, and nobody would have been the wiser, right? But I just had to stay until that last possible second. I ran out of money, I and I'm just watching people play games sometimes. Sometimes somebody's somebody left their game and it's still playing, and I just hopped on there, you know. But I just had to stay, and I got caught. Every single time, you know. Um, speaking on parents, uh, once again, you know, different time, but my parents did spank. And, um, yeah, that's how they— that's— they're from the islands, you know. My folks are from the islands. That's what they know. I don't look back, look down on them. They did the best they knew how. I think a little bit of deeper thinking, maybe they would have thought, hey, you know, we've been spanking him every time he comes home late and it's not stopping his behavior, maybe you should try some. I don't know, maybe that would've helped, but they didn't do that. But it was the thinking that, okay, next time is going to be different. Next time I'm going to go and I'm not going to stay that long. I'm only going to play one game. I'm only going to take $1 this time. And it never worked out. And Talking to my parents later on and they're like, well, why did you do that? And I didn't have an answer. I'm in my 30s now and I didn't have an answer. Like, I don't know why I took money. I don't know why I felt the urge. I had video games at home. I was the first kid on my block with the PlayStation when it came out. You know, I had video games at home. I didn't have the answer until, yeah, I got that diagnosis. And, um, just peeling back the layers, looking back at different instances in my life when even I, I couldn't answer the question because I'm asking myself the question, well, Dre, why are you doing those things? Why can't you stop doing this? Why are you always late? Why are you always forgetting things? Why are you who you are? You know? I mean, um, Once I got the answer, it's like the last four years have been like a complete 180. You know, it's like I just got this charge of energy. Like man, all right, now I know what's up. I got I got a blueprint. Other people are doing it. It's possible. You know, all right. What do I need to do? You know, to get this thing on the road. I've always known as. and I'm sure a lot of you can relate with this. I've always known I have this potential to be great, to accomplish all these things. And people that know me look at me like, who does this guy think he is that he has all this confidence that he could do this stuff? You know, and I don't have the proof through any, any resume or track record, but I just know. I just know. I don't— I don't— it's like Neo in The Matrix. I, I know I'm the one. I know I got the powers. I can't prove it, But I— and now that I actually can put a name on this thing, it has given me so much confidence in so many things. I can tell you, this past weekend, I'm a musician and I subbed in for this band. And I was sick all last week. I had an upper respiratory infection and I wasn't able to practice. I wasn't able to work on the music, but I've already built in this program where, all right, I'm going to be prepared. I'm going to know what I have to do. I'm going to show up. I'm going to bring a certain caliber of myself, my best self. And by the end of the gig, they were like, oh man, you know, are you going to be our regular guy? You know, can— have they spoken to you? What are they talking about? And, um, I wasn't able to do that. You know, I said, you know, honestly, um, just not going into it, but they're not, they're not paying as much as I, I normally would make. But, uh, you know, I'm always willing to sub in. And, um, they're like, oh man. And I said, well, you know what, you might not know me, but I pride myself on that now. That when I come to a space, when I am subbing for somebody, yes, you should want me. You know, you should want me to be your main person because I'm that reliable, because I'm that known of a quantity. You know, I know that I bring something to the table that the other person is not going to bring. Um, I'm, I'm gonna wrap up, you know, but, um, The last time I was in the room, I talked about being unapologetically ADHD, you know, and, um, that has been the biggest eye-opener for me as I've been on my journey. You know, it's like the more solid I became, the more I saw the deficiencies in the people that I thought were normal, the people that I aspire— man, why can't I always be on time like this guy? Why can't I always have my stuff You know what, now I start recognizing, well, no, he's not always on time. He doesn't always have his stuff together, you know. And the things that I used to always beat myself up about, you know, you recognize that it's not really that out of the normal. Maybe the consistency of you being late is something, but who's never late? Who never forgets? Who never— you know, everybody does these things. And when we at a young age get that stigma that we put on ourselves a lot, as much as people around us. When we get onto ourselves building that mental crutch that, you know, something's wrong, I'm always this, I'm always that, you lose sight of, no, everybody does that. We're closer to normal than we give ourselves credit for, you know. And I think if we get back to understanding that, we'll allow ourselves a lot of grace, you know, in the times when we do fail, you know, and get off of that thing where we beat ourselves up when you do fail, you know. The last thing I'm going to say, and I'm going to land, I have 3 kids, you know, and I'm sure there are some parents in the room. And one of the Biggest things for me as I'm continuing on this journey is, um, I said my parents did the best they knew how, you know, and, um, props to them. You know, some things that they could have done better, but now I know more than they did. So how am I going to rewrite this narrative for my kids moving forward? You know, my son is 11, the same age I was in the 4th grade, you know, and I'm starting to see some of those traits in him, you know, and some of those things where he's starting to develop this thing where he's beating himself up when he messes up or he's feeling like he's not— he had an issue with some kid picking on him. And I'm thinking this kid was going to be like 6 feet tall. This kid is— oh man, I'm not down on the kid because I talked to his parents. He's actually a good kid, but it's the smallest kid you could imagine. But because of those handicaps you put in your brain, you don't see yourself that you measure up to this person. And they say something mean to you, and even if you might try and say something back, part of you is like, well, maybe that is true. You know, maybe I am, maybe I am that. You know, and, um, the biggest thing for me is, yes, getting myself better, but getting myself better so that I can help him not to fall into a lot of the same traps and come to an awakening at the age of 30, 35, 33, you know, like I did, you know. So, um, yeah, just, um, These kind of groups are good, you know, talking with people that are like-minded are good. But, you know, just thinking about our future and it doesn't— our kids don't have to live the same challenges that we did. You know, the rules for the real world. I hope you guys, I hope all of you take the same rules that we apply in this room. To, um, the real world, to our social situations, interactions with other people. Take for example, I've been talking for a little while now, you know, and everyone has been listening. Everyone has been giving me, you know, good feedback and stuff like that. But if someone was to say, hey, I had to— I want to interject, you have a right to interject. You have a right to take up space in this world, in your workplace, as much as you do on this stage. You know what I mean? And don't anybody that if if you were to say, can I interject? And I say no, then I give you license not to listen to me anymore. You understand what I'm saying? We owe we owe each other respect. We owe each other. We we we all have inherent value, but none more than the other. You know, so I just want you guys to if you. take anything from what I'm saying today, we are enough. We're not insufficient. You know, we have just as much value as the next person, not, not anymore, not any less. You know, we are empathetic beings and we give a lot of care to the world. We give a lot of understanding to the world. Expect a little bit of that back for yourself. You deserve it. And that's it.

I gotta, I gotta interject. After he gave that prompt. Sorry, Val, I'll make it short.

Nah, you can't interject, man.

I love it.

Um, I just wanted to touch on that concept where you said understanding that you measure up.

It is the very toxic habit of the insecure to look at the other with the belief that it increases your value.

Wait, you went out, Dave. Will you repeat it? You went out in the middle, please. Okay, Dave, I'm sorry. Uh, integrity.

Integrity. It looks like my signal's being a little choppy here. Can you hear me now?

Yes.

Yeah, you're great.

Wonderful, wonderful. It is the mark of the insecure person to devalue others and believe that that increases their value.

It's this dominance, hierarchical, very baseline human being behavior. And, I love that you said remembering that you measure up because all of these hierarchical measurements are illusionary human-made concepts, right? This concept that I have more value than you because of A, B, C, D, E, F, G. And, I just love it. I'm not going to go longer than that, André, but you're right. Just remember, that there is no genuine objective measurement tool for human value. So when someone else claims that they have more than you, they're incorrect, plain and simple.

Yes, thank you. And just really quickly, and then I'm gonna jump off, um, I love this when I've got a white male that's saying this. And I talked about this to my white friends. When a Black person says stuff that Integrity just said, no, it's serious. It's all, all these type things. But when a white person comes and said it, it's like, ooh, it's a little bit more palatable. Or maybe I need to think about it. Maybe this is something that it may be worthy of me dissecting it. So thank you for that. And everything that you said, as well as Andre related to it, it's all correct. And it is, it all comes back to sociological constructs. And like you said, they're man-made. We all Have the same value. And when people think that by them tearing you down, it makes them feel higher, makes them feel better about themselves, it is just insecurities. So thank you so much for saying that. Um, yes, I love this. I love this. I love this. And I think, you know, just from hearing what so many of y'all have said, when I do my Courageous Conversations rooms with Janelle, I would love for y'all to be able to join. Because these are the perspectives that we need, and we need it from people with a lot of different experiences, whether it's racial, whether it's your career that you're in, whether it's geography. Someone— was it Dave in Ireland? Not even in the US. You know, all types of things. All of this diversity that we bring, it's all valuable, and it all helps us to think a little bit differently. All of the experiences that we have Make each of us unique. And because of that uniqueness, each of us has a different piece of greatness that we bring to the table that no other human being can bring to the table. And the world needs all of it to be the most amazing place that it can be. But I'm going to sign off because I have been sitting in this Chick-fil-A parking lot on this room that I didn't even intend. I didn't even sign up for this one, Val, but you pinged me in it. And I was like, I need to come. Let's talk about the food addiction because this is something that a lot of people don't even think about. And because of that, of course, my schedule is off. Executive function challenges. So I'm gonna go focus on the intentionality of getting some work done. But this is amazing. I love y'all. And Val, thank you for having this panel. And thank you for pinging me in even though I didn't sign up for this day. Y'all have an amazing day. Bye.

Happy Monday. Um, I think a lot of interesting points have been made. Um, I find when I first heard that addiction is common for people with ADD/ADHD, I was almost, uh, Not relieved, but I was like, oh, like, that kind of makes a lot more sense now. Kind of when I was learning more about just things having to do with ADD, ADHD. Um, but I find, uh, I feel like I've been addicted to things my whole life, whether it was sugar or food or Biking, running, exercise, video games, TV, alcohol, other drugs. So I don't necessarily think addiction has to be a bad thing. I think it depends on what the thing is and how you're using it. So, for example, if you're exercising or running every day, Obviously, if you're in the gym 8 times a day, I think that's not so great. But if you're replacing alcohol with running or with going to the gym or something of that manner, and it's once a day and you're kind of facing the things that you were avoiding by using alcohol, I think it can be a good thing. But if you're obsessively— I mean, the same could be said about alcohol. Alcohol isn't as big an issue if you're having a couple drinks versus every time you drink, you're getting obliterated. But I definitely had issues with alcohol in the past and all sorts of other things. But at the end of the day, I find that the substances and whatever the addictions may be are not the issue at all. It's why you're using the thing. Once I stopped drinking, it honestly wasn't that hard to stop drinking. What was hard was just having your clear head all the time. You know, having these thoughts come in and, you know, being like, oh, this is, this is what I really want my life to be like. How can I make that happen? With alcohol, it was always like I could just avoid all those thoughts and avoid being productive and avoid doing anything. Um, but, um, it's, it's that dopamine rush, you know. You know, for me, it's not even— there was a specific type of alcohol that I liked. It's, uh, I, I loved all of it. I loved You know, one, the dissociative feeling, probably. But also, I, I just love the rush that alcohol gave me, you know, having a shot of vodka or whatever. It would give me, you know, kind of chills from my head down to my toes. I love that feeling. Maybe that's the same reason I like doing crazy things. I like, um, I like doing things that give me that feeling. I love ice baths, um, but you know, that sort of thing calms me down. You know, one of the most calm moments of my life was going skydiving, and you know, that may seem odd to some people, but, uh, you're going on long bike rides, you know, pushing myself to the limit. So I find I just do it in a different way nowadays. And, um, I don't know, you know, uh, you know, selling, selling my product, putting myself out there. Um, so, um, yeah, I find, uh, it's not— you'll never get rid of like being addicted to things, in my opinion. It's just kind of managing it. If I feel I'm Starting to drink coffee again and then I'm having too much, I'll kind of settle down. Or if I find myself smoking way too much weed, I'll take a break completely. I'll cut it out. And then when I go back, I'll have rules. I don't find I need to cut it out completely. I just did a break for about 3, 4 weeks completely. And then I said, okay, I don't think this is the best thing for me to cut it out completely. So I have rules. I only have it on the weekend and also when I have nothing to do, I'll do it. And I find when I do, when I'm smoking marijuana and I have a lot of things to do, I can still be productive and get those things done, but I don't feel I have the same energy I have when I'm not doing it. And so that's kind of my stance on addictions, but it's very real with food too. You know, I love sugar. You know, I was definitely addicted to sugar when I was young. And I believe that being forced to take Adderall at a young age helped, helped me develop an addictive— helped me develop addictive behaviors. I don't think it's solely that, but I think that played a major role being 10, 11, 12 years old, taking this, being forced to take this substance that is addictive in nature. And later on, you know, before I was even 18, I was becoming addictive to certain foods or certain things or certain behaviors. And then When I was introduced to alcohol, you know, I would, you know, drink a lot. It's not that I was drinking every day, but when I drank, it was, it was a lot. You know, it was always kind of a game. And I'm big, a big person, and I have a big tolerance for any substance. So I could drink a lot and be fine, or maybe not fine, but more fine than the average person. I was, you know, there were definitely nights where I killed a bottle of vodka or whatever it was in the pregame. And, you know, I was, you know, probably not fine, but I could do that. So, but with having Adderall and all that crap from a young age, I, I actually would fake take it and I would slide it down my hoodie sleeve and toss it on the way to school. And so for months, I was not, I was not on this stuff anymore. Because it made me feel terrible and I wasn't eating. And I was forced to see a psychologist or therapist because of that. And they said I was majorly depressed in addition, so they wanted me on other medication. And I was just like, no fucking way. And I knew that stuff was a load of crap because months after not taking it, a teacher called home and said, oh, this new medication must be working. Sam was very attentive today. And Yeah, I mean, I've never taken it since and I never will take that stuff again. And maybe some of those medications may help for some people, but I believe they're ultimately a bad thing. And I think it's criminal to be giving things like Adderall to children. There's other— not to say it's all bad, but there's other alternatives and other things. that should be given to children. Maybe, just maybe, we're not meant to be sitting in a classroom 8 hours a day or whatever it is, being forced to listen and study the most boring things in the world, most of which are not even applicable to most of our future lives. So that's, uh, that's my rant. I think, I think there definitely is. I don't know if there's studies out there that have been done, anything like that. But I think not just that, I think at a young age, if you're given any medication that is addictive or could be addictive, that while your brain is developing, I just feel like there's Something that's going on that's making you crave that feeling, that dopamine rush. And I'm sure that doctors were, if not they still are, being paid per time they prescribe Adderall and those medications. I know that's the case with opioids, and that was the whole case with the opioid crisis. Um, but, um, I— that's just, that's just what I personally believe. Um, so not like, like I said, not to say it's bad. Um, the substance itself, maybe, you know, there's alternative medications, and even with Adderall now could be prescribed in lower amounts. But, uh, I, I hope that it's not being prescribed in mass amounts still. With such a high dosage. You know, you could— it's the same thing with antidepressants. You know, I think it's— it can be good for certain people to get out of certain mindsets, give, you know, the low dose of whatever the medication is, plus a plan given from your doctor or psychologist saying, okay, here's this medication that can help with your depression. We'll start you with a low amount. And also, so you know, this is not a magic pill. This will actually not do anything if you don't put in the work. So maybe give the person the medication, say, these are tips for, you know, how to get yourself out of this depressive mindset. You know, maybe create a healthy routine, be mindful of what you're eating, exercising, you know, all these things. So the same thing can be done with ADD medication. Give you this. Say, hey, this will help you to be more focused and to be more in tune with things. But also, here are foods that can throw off your brain chemistry. Like, here are— having a routine can be helpful, having a schedule can be helpful, or things of that manner. So I think the conversation definitely needs to be had of that medications are not magic pills. You know, they have— they can certainly help with things, with certain behaviors and certain, you know, help you have a more productive lifestyle, a productive life with having the ADD brain. But there's so many other things that can be done without the medication or on top of the medication. I think too many people in our society rely on pills for everything, whether it's pain management, ADD, mental health issues, or headaches or whatever. You know, I just think people shouldn't be so reliant on that. Earlier they said how there's not one, you know, you touched on this, there's not one solution. And that's very true. You know, you know, I personally am very against Adderall and like similar medications to that. But for some people, that, that is what helps them. And that really works. I just— a big reason I think that route is dangerous for people is since Adderall is an addictive substance, if you are prone to addiction and you're using that, you may want to increase the dosage and take more than you're supposed to and taking it kind of excessively, and then it can be very hard to get off of. As you get older and the longer you are on it. Another thing is, um, you know, that stuff doesn't really work so well with me. But one thing that has worked well with me is, um, taking my health seriously and getting into meditation and breathwork over the years and ice baths and things that help center my mind, or doing extreme exercise in the beginning of the day or doing Wim Hof breathing exercises the second I wake up. And that kind of helps calm my brain down and be able to tackle the day. Other things that have helped me immensely with focus and being productive are microdosing psychedelics such as psilocybin mushrooms or LSD. That's something extremely controversial to talk about still, but that stuff works. You can look it up. There's probably been minimal research done on it, but I personally believe that in the future when these substances are legalized, at least medically, you will see these things widely used as ADD, ADHD supplements. Not just— these things have lots of beneficial uses, and I think more people are starting to look into it and talk about it. So that is one thing I'm very interested to see unfold in the coming years, having it. And like you always say, Val, it is a super power, and I believe that. Um, uh, and it's just, uh, managing it. I feel like we have— that our brains are made this way for a reason, for our greater purpose in life. And by learning to manage, manage it and use it to our advantage, it brings us closer to things that were supposed to do and the people were meant to meet. Um, and, you know, that doesn't go just for ADHD, that, you know, that's people with autism, people with bipolar, you know, whatever your thing is, you know, I, I believe it's, you know, you weren't, uh, it's, it's no accident that It's no accident that your brain works that way. Maybe being late all the time is so you can meet a certain person, or so that you have to learn the importance of being on time. If I have a job where I can be late, Because I understand they don't care and don't say anything. Yeah, I'll continue to be late. But if there's an important appointment, things of that, then I'll, I'll make my best to, uh, you know, I'll make sure I'm there on time. But if I understand the other person doesn't care and they'll just let it slide, like, yeah, I honestly will take advantage of that. Even just setting the timer for 5 minutes, putting on wave sounds. And if you do, I mean, you don't have to do anything crazy. You could do for like 3 minutes, you inhale for 5 counts through your nose, hold it like for 5 counts, Hold it for 5 counts and then exhale through your mouth slowly for 5 counts. They say doing that just 3 times calms down your nervous system, and feeling overwhelmed is just a dysregulated nervous system. So that works. Filling a bowl with water and ice and just shoving your face in there until you literally cool off, that works like a charm too. But there's a million things you can do and You just have to figure out the one that works best for you, I find. And in terms of deadlines, if I don't want to do something or can't, and there's nothing for me to gain from it, or I can't see the reason behind it, I'm not going to do it. And that's just how I operate. So I don't, I don't have a solution there. You just have— I think, I think if you can find out for yourself what the purpose behind doing the thing is, like if it's some— so for example, like doing my taxes, it's like, if I don't do this in time, I will literally get fucked. Um, you know, it's like you have— like I have to do that. Or like, I had a blood clot a couple summers ago and I had to— I'm still on blood thinners, but at first I was blood thinner by injection, like give myself a shot. I don't like needles. I don't like getting shots in general when someone else does it. All of a sudden I was forced to shoot myself up with the blood thinner every morning in the stomach. And like, I straight up could not do it. Physically, I had tried and I couldn't get myself to do it. And this nurse who helped me said, this is the only time I can do this for you, but if you don't do this, you will probably get another blood clot. So it's like, I always think back to that moment. It was like I had to do that thing. So you have to force yourself to have to do it. It just goes back to discipline. You're not going to want to do everything, but if you can somehow force yourself to, then it's fine, and then you'll feel better after. It's like no one wants to exercise at 5:00 AM, but you feel better after and it helps you be more productive throughout the day. So I find the more disciplined you are, the more successful you'll be. And anyone will tell you that.

I was just going to tag on with what he said. As you learn more about ADHD and some of the stuff could be a little depressing, some of it is kind of funny though. You hear a lot of people with similar experiences. One of them with me was when people talk about leaving clutter. You know, and the subconscious thinking behind that is that we leave things in our path, not to be disorganized necessarily, but so that we'll trip over them later because we know that that's something important. Well, the more that you understand how our minds work, you know, we— you can use some of that stuff. For example, when I'm leaving for a gig on the weekend, I was always late. I'm always late and I'm always forgetting something. I'm always forgetting my shirt. I'm always forgetting my pants. I'm always forgetting my socks, something. So I formed a habit, and that's a big part of it, forming habits. But I formed a habit that I pack my bag the night before when I have a time when I'm not rushed. You know, I don't have to do it all at once. I can grab my shirt now, you know, and then go do something else, then come back and grab my pants. Now, or I can do it all at once, but it's up to me how to regulate how I can do that. There's no timer on me as far as how to do that, right? And then once I'm done, finally, before I go to bed, I will either put my bag— my wife hates this, but she gets it— I'll either put my bag in front of my bedroom door or I'll put it in front of the stairs leading down to leave the house. I'll have my clothes bag, I'll have my toiletry bag, I'll have my instruments, and any other miscellaneous thing. Maybe this time I need my laptop because I have to do some work while I'm in the van. Um, maybe this time I'm bringing my camera, you know, because I want— it's going to be a nice venue and I want to take some pictures. Any other miscellaneous item that I could possibly think of, I put in the vicinity of that bag. So So say, like my friend said earlier, I set my— I'm supposed to get up and leave at 7:30, and I set my alarm for 7 o'clock, and it went off, and my mind told me that, oh, but you set it for earlier, so you got a little extra time. And I take that extra 10 minutes, which turns into 20 minutes, which turns into, oh shit, I gotta go. I can get up with a certain level of comfort still knowing that, oh, all I need to do is brush my teeth and throw my clothes on and head out the door. Everything is right there on my way in my, in my blur of movement that I'm leaving out the door, you know. And, uh, that's one thing that has worked for me like these past 3 years. I'm actually become the guy that, you know, when somebody does forget get something, toothpaste or shaving cream, or needs an extra belt or socks. I've actually become the guy that they ask for things like that, and that's something that works, that has worked for me these past couple of years in that area.