ADHD RISE | Rise In Recovery| ADHD & Addictions Panel |Pauly A | Kat Callahan| Val Nichols | Chris E

Morning.

Hi.

Hi.

You are moderator, right?

Um, no.

If you click on my face and then put make mod, and then I'll get the little green beam.

Got it.

Thank you so much. We are going to rise up today. Who's excited?

I am.

We are going to rise up today. Welcome everybody to week 2 of the ADHD Rise event. You guys, I am just in tears today. Like, oh my goodness, this lineup today is so incredibly beautiful. Um, I'm pinging some people in here. And I am so excited to be talking about ADHD and recovery, how to rise in recovery. Today, we are so honored to have the one and only, he himself, and he, Mr. Lucky and Sober, Polly A. Polly, welcome.

Hi, hi, hi!

How are you?

Hi, hey, hey, welcome! Hi everybody, I'm Paulie, Mr. Lucky and Sober. So glad to be here, part of this Rise in Recovery meeting group today. This is so cool, Val. This is so awesome. We're going to help a lot of people. I'm so excited. Uh, for those that don't know me, I'm a recovery coach and a certified peer specialist for the state of Wisconsin. I help individuals build remarkable, resilient, recovered lives so that they can go ahead and write their own hero's journey. Right? Right, Val? Aren't we all trying to be our own hero? We're trying to pick ourselves up, put ourselves forward, help our families, our communities as we do it. So it's such an honor to be here today and And thank you for getting this set up.

Absolutely. Oh my goodness, I love that. To write our own hero's journey. And I think one of the important things to really lean into, and I don't know if this is your experience, Polly, but, you know, it's really easy to look at someone's outsides. Like, you know, people could look at me today and go, oh, You know, there's not a lot, you know, there's— she hasn't been through things. There's not a lot of things that she's recovered from or come up from. And people could look at you today and say, oh, there's no way he understands how I feel, you know. But the whole thing is that we, you know, after you rise in recovery and you get to create this beautiful life, um, you know, but oftentimes in the hero's journey, There's that point and there's that rock bottom, right? We use the word rock bottom in the recovery world. Maybe there's a rock bottom that somebody's hit or there's something that has happened. And so I would love for you, and I know that you're going to take over the conversation and do your thing and you guys are in great hands with Mr. Polly here. But like, I would love to hear from you, Polly, a moment of, you know, what was it like? Like, if somebody is listening to this right now on replay, or they're just hopping in, like, what were the feelings you had before you got in your recovery journey when you decided to rise in recovery?

All right, Val, thank you for that fantastic You're absolutely spot on and correct, right? Walking into recovery, what is it? What does it look like? I'm so confused. So many times I look at it, I look back and I think, man, I was just dumped into a foreign country, right? I didn't have— I didn't know the language. I didn't know the rituals. I didn't know how to navigate how this was being done.

Right.

What was going on, what they were telling me, right? So it was very, very confusing. And I've been fortunate enough to be in recovery a long, long time, for decades here. I'll tell you, and I share this not to impress you, but to impress upon you, and that is that it's possible, right? I have 33 years of continuous abstinence in sobriety and recovery. But I also had 9 years before that of how I always say it doesn't work, right? 9 years of struggling. 9 years of trying to navigate what's going on. What's happening? What are they talking about? What do they mean? All those questions that were going on as I learned about myself, as I struggled trying to write my own hero's journey, trying to be a good father, trying to be a good husband. Trying to be a good employee, employer, trying to just be the best human being I could be and stop getting in trouble and stop having everyone just dislike me or not want to be with me, or even worse, being incarcerated and taking my life taken away because I couldn't operate it. So here's some of the things I'd like to share, some of the things I've learned throughout that journey, and And about recovery and why it's so important and navigating it, right, is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're just sober curious, if you're just early in the world and you're like, you know what, I just— my life isn't all that it could be. It isn't what I wanted it to be. I'm not where I'm at, you know, and I haven't lost anything yet. But, you know, I want some answers. I want to get back directed because it's just not fulfilling. Or you could be someone that, like you said, rock bottom, right? We've lost everything. Been there, done that, including our own, you know, personal space and our own life organization, right? Being incarcerated. But we all have a common bond, right? And we're all trying to figure this out. We're all trying to do this. We're all human beings, just like I said, trying to be our best selves. So, you know, SAMHSA, I was looking up on this, you know, being a recovery coach. One of your greatest resources if you're trying to figure this out is SAMHSA, which is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. They have a website, you know, and their definition of recovery is a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, Living a self-directed life and striving to reach their full potential, right? Isn't that a great definition? Isn't that what we're trying to do? And one of the objectives of as we rise in recovery, we are striving to reach our full potential. And there's 4 main pillars in that that I learned is, and they start with my health, right? And health is overcoming and managing of my symptoms, my disorders, my diseases, whatever you want to call it, whatever is ailing me, right? Whatever— it's like overcoming it. It's acknowledging it, that it's there, that I have to address it in one fashion or another, right? And then there's home, right? Everyone needs a safe space to lay their head. Everyone needs a place where they can go and they can feel secure and feel comfortable and be able to relax. And I think the other pillar is purpose, right? I found out that to really engage and rise in recovery, I had to find a purpose. And the purpose had to be greater than just myself. I know I got to a point I didn't care about myself, but I cared about my family. I cared about my loved ones. I cared about my community. And I knew that I could do more. And then that brings us to the last pillar is community. And one of the reasons we're here today is community, community, community, right? Because how else am I going to learn how to navigate what's going on? How am I going to learn how to communicate in this new world that's recovery? So I know That early in recovery, like you were asking, Val, I was very confused. Didn't want to be there. Didn't want to do it. I didn't know what was going on. But it was surrendering to the idea that I could get better. That there was hope, right? And that's one of the things we want to give you guys today here is there is hope for the future. No matter where you're at, what's going on, how far down the scales you have fallen, or there's hope, right? Because the people on stage here today and the people that are in this room today, they're all kinds of recovery warriors. They're all kinds of individuals who have already overcome, right? And if you've overcome one thing, you can overcome another. It's just using the same principles, right? So getting back to that, you know, that feeling of emptiness, that feeling of hopelessness and helplessness, Right. I consider myself a person in long-term recovery from the diseases of alcoholism, drug addiction, living with ADHD and codependency tendencies, right? There's been those times of that hopelessness and helplessness, right? I don't know where I'm going. And that's early recovery. And that's why it was so important to click in with a community, click in with a sponsor, a mentor, a coach, someone Someone that knows the language. Someone that knows how to navigate the streets. Someone that already has been there, done there, has the t-shirt, has the battle scars, has the shields. They know how to fight for their lives and they will help you learn how to fight for your life. Right? So that's why it's, it's so important. And that's what I found. Early recovery. I mean, the first couple years, I didn't know what was going on. I'll admit it. And even today at times, I still have to question like, what's going on? I still have a mentor. I still have sponsors. I still have people and coaches that I go to to say, hey, I need to check in here because I'm not certain if this thought, this action, this feeling is Real? Or is it just something that I'm conjuring up out of fear, out of dysfunctional behavior patterns? But that's where a coach, that's where a community helps me to navigate that, right? And it was so important early in recovery to plug into that community.

Yeah.

You know, I had a sponsor that tells me it's safer in the herd, right? It's so much safer when we're in the herd. And if you watch those wildlife, you know, documentaries, right? It's the animals on the outside. It's the animals that stray away. I was just recently at Yellowstone with the family, you know, living the promises of recovery, right? My family all together, no drama, having the times of our lives, celebrating each other. Supporting each other, living our dreams, right? And there was the big, big life-challenging life display, life and death right there. The wolves, the bears, and the buffalo, right? Who's going to win this? And we got to watch that drama play out right in front of us. And that's the way it is in life, right? There's things that are gonna, you know, pull me away from recovery. There's things, there's ideas, people, places that are gonna want my attention. They're gonna want my energies. But I gotta remember to stay focused, that it's safer in the herd. It's safer in the community. It's safer alongside a guide, a coach, a person. And then I'm able to move forward in safety and security, and I can work on those 4 pillars. I can work on my health. I can work on my purpose and make it grow. I can, I can work and build the community around me. So I hope that answered that question a little bit. I'm so excited to hear what more people say, not just myself, about How they rose in recovery, because we rise together. We rise with this community, and we rise with your support, Val. So thank you so much for the question. Back to you.

Wow!

Let's go!

Way to start the conversation off. Lights. I mean, oh my gosh! So many truth bombs were dropped there. You are. Oh my gosh. Safety, purpose, community. Um, those words resonated for me personally in such a powerful way. Um, safety is this really interesting word that, um, I'm in my, my 12th year of recovery and I say that, you know, not for any reason, but just to let you guys know that, you know, the one, the thing that is so powerful that Polly helps with is that, you know, in long-term recovery, things get different. Right, and I've noticed him and I have had this offline conversation that you know around ten to twelve years there seems to be this shift. You know things are good. All of a sudden you look around, there's this beautiful life, and you know we're not just talking about substance abuse. I want to make sure that that's clear today. Paulie is well versed in many, many, many. He does the co occurring disorders room. If you haven't been a part of that, go join it. It is six a.m. my time, so I'm often listening to it after my prayer and meditation. I'm drinking my ADHD Cafe coffee, and I'm like, you know, getting ready and, and I'm hopping in there, and there's so many incredible people in there. And, um, you know, co-occurring disorders— we have ADHD and then we often medicate as well, whether if that's shopping, um, gambling, sex, love, um, other addictions, food. You know, there's so many different ways that addictions can and do show up, and we shift them, right? Like, I, um, Gosh, I don't even know if my mom knows. Well, she does. No, never mind. She knows this. I'm like, I always feel weird saying things in front of my mom that I'm like, ooh, does she know this? And I don't want her to feel bad when she, if she hears it, because it's not, it's not her. It's, it was my addictions, you know? But I shifted. I had eating disorders at one point. Um, and then I had, you know, drugs and alcohol, and then it shifted to workaholism. And I can't say I'm cured from that because I love what I do and it's, it's a healthy addiction today. But, you know, I shift, things shift around and that can show up as You know, I've had retail therapy in the past. I don't do that anymore, but I know in my 20s, I was always trying to look good on the outside so that you guys would accept me. And that was a lot of, you know, $1,500 Louis Vuitton handbags that I wish I would have never purchased. But I want to just share with people that, you know, when we talk about rise in recovery, it goes beyond a substance or something like that because Once you take away whatever it is that you're using to reach outside of yourself, now what? Now what? And that's where someone like Polly comes in. At around 10 to 12 years, a lot of times there's this shift that happens. It's, you know, I know people have their own story to tell, but for me it was, you know, going through divorce at right after my 10th birthday. I found out that my husband was not a normie and there was some normie meaning Not an addict. And then there was some addictive behaviors, and I had to make one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. You know, it was against my faith, it was against my beliefs, and I had to choose— I got to choose my own recovery and my own sanity over that relationship, even as hard as it was. And so it's been one of the hardest years. But, you know, just know that, you know, when we talk about Rise in Recovery, Wherever you're at, day one, day zero, you're not even sure yet. You're not there yet. If you're at year twelve, if you're at year twenty-seven, if you're at year fifty-six, you can rise in recovery. All right. So with that, Polly, Mr. Lucky and Sober, we have an incredible amount of people up here that are just so amazing, and I just want to give a shout out: Catherine, Teresa, Sally, aka. My mama, she has her little party hat. She's on here just for this event. Matt, we have our friend Danielle. Hello, Emma, my beautiful friend Christina. Love you so much. Christina is going to be sharing in a couple hours as well, so definitely tune into that. And then Christina, Dianara, Misty, Joseph, Everly, Jennifer, Jim Babe. And then with that, we will open it up. What questions do you have? Comments, thoughts, ideas? And we can go PTR order if that works. Or, Polly, would you rather do PTR? Do you want people to like flash and ask questions?

Up to you.

Now let's keep it nice and simple. Let's go in PTR order. If somebody has a burning desire, please message us in the background and we'll get you in.

Absolutely. I do want to make sure that it's a safe space for people. If you don't feel comfortable asking your question, then yes, feel free to message any one of us and we can call that out for you as well. Miss Catherine, my love.

Oh, it's so good to be here. Oh man, you know, Sally, you got an awesome daughter. She's just the light of our lives. She just brings so much hope and joy into this room. It's incredible. Love you, Val. Love you, Polly. So good to be here. I just— I'm just taking in all those pearls of wisdom that you're giving us today. You know, when we talk about You know, when do we decide to rise in recovery in the 12-step movement? You know, you take a look at when I was— oh, by the way, just, you know, let you guys know, I have ADHD and I came from the Al-Anon world and my associate's is in addiction counseling. But full disclosure, I am a personal development coach. I take people from burnout to career success. I've had a lot of jobs in my lifetime and I hope to save them a lot of time by not having to go through so many. And I'm also an empath. But I think for me, when I decided to rise in recovery, I was in a 2-year dysfunctional relationship with a fiancé. And it was very codependent. I didn't even know what codependency was back then. All I knew was it was in towards the end, it was very dysfunctional. And I actually became— are you ready for this, Val? I became agoraphobic. I could not leave my apartment.

I just—

to go to the elevator to go downstairs to the parking lot, I knew I was going to have an anxiety attack. I was so at home. I had to stay at home. It completely changed me. It changed my whole personality. And that was not me. The relationship was so controlling, pushed all our friends away. I was isolated. I had to navigate through my fiancé's alcoholic binges and anger. And later I had to figure out how to avoid his emotional abuse. And then one day it turned physical, and that was the day that I said, I can't take this. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way, and I let him abuse me one more time. And that was the day that I said, forget it, this is it. I had had it. Touch me once, shame on you. Touch me twice, shame on me. Shame on me that I would let him do that. I don't know any man in my life that would treat me like the way he did. the vile names that he would call me, and I allowed it. And that's just it. That was the day that I said no more, and I reached out to Al-Anon, and I was trying to figure out how to navigate all this. I felt worthless. I was just thinking about, you know, I had to leave him. And I, I went to— and I walked into a hospital with the DSM, which is Diagnostic Statistics for Mental Disorders, and I had seen in there anxiety.

Mm-hmm.

Because I knew that was me. I knew I was having anxiety attacks. And I, I walked into the emergency room and they go, are you a student? I said, no, I'm angry. I've got anxiety every day. I can't take it anymore. Help me. And so between Al-Anon and getting the help that I needed from a counselor, I was able to get better. And so eventually I got my strength back and enough strength to leave him. And I realized that I just had to spread my wings and fly because I just knew— I can't even imagine what my life would have been if I had stayed. And it took many months to get away from the codependency and get away from him in terms of, you know, he would keep trying to come back into my life. But eventually it was a breakup and it was hard. And I spent the next several years trying to figure out who I was. Several years. And eventually I went into the field of addictions, and that's where my associates comes in, because I wanted to understand alcoholism. I wanted to understand why did, did he change so much? What happened? And once I worked through all that and I got my addictions counseling certificate, I just, you know, I was just— I was so happy. And then I was working in a chemical dependency unit, and I was the adult secretary. Leading 12-step groups, helping people out, helping halfway houses, which is where I met my husband. We were both volunteering. I mean, my life had completely changed. And then one day I made this one decision to go to an interview at a job that I'd always dreamed of in the airlines. And I ended up in the airlines for the next 20 years. So you see, it's our decisions. It's what happens when we take the reins of our own lives. And we move forward, and that's the day I decided to rise. I'm gonna get a little choked up here, Val. That's cat, and I'm complete.

Woo!

My love, my love, my love. My goodness, your story. Can I just say from a year ago today when I met met you, you popped into one of these rooms. I think it was like the last week of ADHD Rise. And you hopped in one of these rooms, and I got to know you, and we instantly connected. And wow, what a difference one year can make! I love it. Oh my gosh, I love you. I just love it.

I love you.

I love everyone. I love you.

Just to warn you guys, if you've never been in this room before, if you've never been in my club, my name is Val Nichols, and it will become a love fest. We have so much love and joy and positivity here. So Polly, do you have any comments on that as well?

Yes, yes. Catherine, man, I just want to honor you for your courage, your strength, and everything that you're doing and taking your story to help others. You talked about GAD, General Anxiety Disorder, right? We're in the ADHD room, but there's many different disorders, and that one is huge. I've seen it throughout the years. You know, at times I think I've Come really close or maybe even have been affected by it because what it is, is that in general anxiety disorder is anxiety that lasts for months, 6 months or even longer, years, right? That constant state of fight, flight, and anxiety. So I want to thank you for bringing that up and sharing that with us because it's really, really important. We may not even We— I know in my, my own life when, when my codependent relationship, definitely I was in constant anxiety because I was so worried that she wasn't going to be happy, right? So thank you so much for sharing that. I think a lot of people, including myself, got something out of that.

My pleasure, Paulie. Yeah, generalized anxiety disorder. Um, I know my first one was when I was 18. I didn't understand it and I just kind of put it on the side. But yeah, it came out full fold. I remember walking through this huge mall in the Chicagoland area, was one of the biggest in America. So it was a real big deal. We were up on the second floor coming down on the escalator and my knees gave way. I thought I was going to pass out on the escalator and I had to get to the nearest seating. It's— it can take over your whole life. And if you realize that this is just something that you just need help with, You go get the help that you need. You get the the proper diagnosis, and then you move on, and you get stronger and stronger as the days go by. As you go into the twelve-step movement, and you practice the steps, and you get stronger, and just getting the help that you need—it's just so important. One step at a time.

Whoop whoop! You know, this is why it's so important. I'm so glad we're having these conversations, um, to understand the co-occurring disorders. And I always say this wrong, this word wrong. I wish Summer was here to help me say it. Comorbidities. I could never say that word right. Comorbidities.

Yes, perfect.

Okay, so yeah, that generalized anxiety disorder, you guys, this is something I just found out Um, 7 months ago I got a new doctor who has ADHD and understands ADHD. And she goes, you know that feeling you have where you have like that anxiety and it feels like there's always something wrong? I go, yeah. And she goes, yeah, that's your ADHD. I didn't even realize I was carrying that anxiety all the time until she pointed it out. So that's why it's like, it's so important to find people who actually understand our brain. Um, you know, 'cause I was thinking about how Katherine the other day, Man, I was, I was literally like ruminating over this this morning, how somebody told her, you could never be an AD— you could never be a coach, a life coach, because you'll make it all about you. Oh, that infuriates me. I was ruminating over that this morning when I woke up. I was thinking about that because, you know, like I've had so many people who don't understand ADHD say things that it's like, no, you don't get to say that. Like, you don't know. You know, like, why don't you just get a planner? Why don't you just do this? Why don't you just do that? And so never allow anything like that to, um, to keep you held back. Oh my gosh, I almost had a heart attack right now. My friend Ari just hopped in the room that I almost— I almost fell off my chair. All right, with that, we'll hop on over to Miss Teresa. I love you so much. Good morning, how are you?

Hey, Teresa.

Well, of course I remembered to look at my, uh, notifications because like I've, I've seen them like 18 hours too late consistently for the whole month. So yeah, that's me. Um, but I don't have ADHD. I'm just here to support and, um, thrilled to be here and hear your lovely voice.

Oh my goodness.

Who else is here? I can't even see. I, I don't even know where my phone is. It's somewhere in my pocket.

I'm so happy. Well, I, I am so happy to see you.

You don't know.

I'm so happy to see you. And by the way, your thing I sent you came back. I don't know if you saw my message wherever I sent it.

No, but you're, um, say anything because when somebody says they're sending you something, um, you know, like I actually thought about it and especially since, uh, you know, Val Envy, um, Envy, um, I copyrighted it, you know, and all. Um, no, I'm just teasing, but I will. Which one of the 20,000 avenues of communicating with you would you like me to send you my, uh, My accurate address.

Text it to me and I will send it out today. You betcha.

As they say in Minnesota, you betcha. All right. Well, thanks for bringing it up. What's the topic?

We digress. We're talking about rising in.

I just clicked that button as soon as I saw it pop up.

We are talking about rising in recovery, and I'm going to pass the mic over to my friend Miss Teresa. Ay ay ay.

Hi, this is Teresa.

I'm a recovering codependent and grateful member of Al-Anon, almost 23 years.

Getting ready for our state Al-Anon convention, and our group is the host, so be leaving this afternoon to get all that in gear. I'm excited. Sean's excited too. Because I have him right here, I think I'm gonna pass the mic.

Can I just ask a question? Is that really Catherine?

Yes.

I thought she like, like put some sort of like immortal block on this app or something. I just like saw that.

Hi, this is so exciting.

It's so exciting to have you here, Ariel.

We all—

I love the realness and the rawness of this. Absolutely. We all rise together. Thank you, Theresa. And hello, Sean. We love having you in the background. So excited to hear you as well.

All right.

Mama.

I don't see your mic, so you might— I'm not sure if you have the little microphone at the bottom right-hand corner. If you don't, you might have to go up to the upper right-hand corner Leave quietly. There's a little peace sign that says leave quietly and then come back in the room because sometimes there's a glitch. Okay, she had a glitch. All right, so hop on over to Matt. Matt, do you have anything to share or say or ask or do or all the above? You might be— I know you might be working, but, um, the mic is yours. Looks like he might not be available, so we'll hop on over to Miss Sally. Good morning, Mama.

Good morning, Mama.

Click the bottom right-hand corner. There's a little microphone. Do do do do do celebrating her birthday week. All right, the app might be glitchy today, so we'll hop over to Danielle and see if Danielle has anything to share, and then we'll hop on back to other people as well. So good.

Good morning.

Good morning or afternoon here. Yeah. So I am a— I do have co-occurring disorders. I have ADHD, but I'm also visually impaired and blind. And so, and I'm also struggling. I don't say struggling, but I've always had an issue with my weight. It's gotten worse over the years, and so I'm, like, on a journey to— I'm doing Weight Watchers, and so I'm on a journey to, like, try to lose weight and get healthy. And, um, I actually attended a webinar 2 weeks ago, I think. I don't remember. But, um, about eating with ADHD. So I— enrolled in a course that one of the experts had, has. And so, like, I'm working on that because I didn't realize that, like, I guess, yes, I'm overweight from another, that I have another issue. I have endocrine issues as well. But I didn't realize that your brain has so much to do with how we, as ADHD people, how we see food. And so. I'm just enlightened, I guess you want to say, at the moment. Because I didn't realize that, you know, our brain, like our brains are different. And but as far as food is concerned, like I didn't realize that like, yes, I'm overweight and yes, I need extras. But I didn't realize that our brains have so much to do with how these idiots do people see food. So I'm like really Excited for the rest of the the month and getting that support and that and like and also like giving that support. I'm Danielle and I'm complete.

All right, Danielle.

Danielle, I just want to honor the shift that's happened for you. I can hear in your voice a new a brand new sense of hope and cheerfulness that is it's just a little different. I don't know, like you're you're cheerful and you're you have hope before, but I hear. a little bit of a shift. So I'm so excited that you took action and that you are on a new journey to choose you and to choose your health. And I'd love to heed the mic to Polly because I know he has a lot more knowledge than I do about that, you know, how addictions, food, chemical reactions can— is so different for our brains specifically. So Polly, if you have anything, would love to pass to you.

Well, yes, yes. Well, thank you, Val. And thank you for sharing that. You know, the idea for me, and I see with people, is whole health, right, in recovery. Because whether it's substance abuse, whether it's a mental health challenge, it affects our whole body, like you were saying. And so I have to think about nutrition. I have to think about exercise. I have to think about those things and look at the broad picture. of whole health, mind, body, and soul with my spirituality. Thank you.

Wow, Paulie, that was awesome. You're right. And when it comes to food, you know, we can escape the pain. We eat, we numb our feelings with the food. And I know for myself, that's what I was doing, you know, 4 or 5 years ago. And my girlfriend was like, I didn't understand it. I I was like, why are you having a whole row of Oreo cookies when you just had dinner an hour ago? It's just— and the volume of food that I would eat was incredible. You know, so, so much more than my size because I'm not that big. And so the last year and a half when I got into personal development, I've lost 65 pounds. It's— Yeah, thanks. It was, you know, full disclosure, Val and I are both in personal development, but— and I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way. But it took that focus. And it took that time that I needed to get healthy. And it, it doesn't, it doesn't go around emotional pain anymore. I don't self-treat now. I get up and I say, oh, I got the day. And I get to eat healthy. And I get to choose the right things. And my brain's ready to say, yes, we're going to choose the right things today. And it is about your brain. And it's about the whole recovery. Just like Polly was saying, that's— I'm Kat and I'm complete.

Yeah, let me add one more thing. Thanks, Katherine, for that, because you inspired me, you know, um, because the battle is in our brain, right? The battle's in my thoughts. Always been there, always will be. It started long before I ever picked up drugs or alcohol, and it, it's still there after I put those things down, right? It's that sugar cravings. Just the other night, we got Halloween candy brought into the house. Bad mistake! Bad mistake! I don't know about you guys. I'm sneaking those little mini candy bars, right? They're only small. They're mini, mini, mini. They can't gonna hurt me except when I have five, six of them because now that sugar is in my system. It's craving that phenomenon of craving that used to be there for alcohol. Or drugs, now is sugar.

Oh my God, yes.

I had like, I can't tell you how many I had. I don't know. But then I woke up at 2 this morning. I can't sleep. Why? Sugar kicked in. Sugar kicked in. So, you know, those things, those little things that we, that I, let me bring this back to me. And if people can relate, love to hear your stories, but those little denials. They seem so small. They don't seem like they really matter. But what happens is they add up. It's not the big things. I face those big things. I know I, I don't want to drink today. I don't want to use drugs. I want to address my mental health challenges. But it's so easy to have that, to cheat, to have that little extra piece of sugar, carbs, whatever it is in your life. Let us know. But we're here together. We go back to community, right? And and we brought up some good stuff here. We're going to learn from each other. So thank you for letting me share again.

Thank you, Polly.

Rock! Love, love, love this conversation. Oh my goodness! I'm glad we went here. Ari, I was gonna say, Ari, is that you in the past? That's me.

Holy cow! But I did cheat a bit. But yeah. And then, and I'm also, I believe strongly in, in my family, in my case of the genetic component, just given, you know, my family and the obesity in it. But, you know, I was in a, you know, a ridiculously horrible place because I couldn't work out because my back would just not be able to handle anything. And the guys in PT would say, oh yeah, do these stomach exercises for the next 3 years and then maybe we could talk about you doing a sit-up. And, and in the meantime, you know, eat, um, you know, a piece of chicken the size of a deck of cards. And I was like, uh, okay, like, that's not advice that's gonna help me. Um, the thing that's, that's crazy is that, remember, you know, I was late diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 35, and I'm 50 years old now, and I've been undiagnosed, I guess. But regardless, And I had the weight loss surgery in 2001, actually right before 9/11. And so, you know, when I was like 30, I made it through high school and college in a fraternity without smoking a single cigarette. Not one. I've never in my entire life ever, not once, tried a hard drug because I intuitively knew that I have an addiction— addictive type of personality. Before I heard of ADHD, before, you know, the rise— we all rise together— I intuitively knew that I had an addictive personality. And if I, if I tried a hard drug, I'd be dead. And at age 30, I picked up a cigarette. And until 4 years ago, I was packing— I was smoking, you know, between a pack and a half and 2 packs a day. What asshole picks up his first cigarette at age 30. You probably don't know anybody who does that. Everyone, like, is quitting then, you know what I mean? And, um, you know, and of course the reason— the, the catalyst for me was the birth of my son. Um, and I'm— and, you know, my daughters, my stepdaughters would be on me, and, you know, I would say to them, I'm like, you know, nobody likes smoking. Nobody who smokes wants to be a smoker. You know, we hate it. We hate smelling, we hate the cost, we hate that we're going to die. And I remember saying to my stepdaughter, my oldest stepdaughter, who was really on me, I said, you know what, I'll make you a deal. Let's go put 4 patches on you for 3, 4 days, and then we'll take them off cold turkey and see how you do. Now, obviously, I wasn't going to do that to a 17-year-old girl, but the point was still, I think you'd understand if you've ever smoked. And it's actually one of the chips I have on my shoulder, and I don't want to go into this in detail, but it's just the way it is. Well, we can use heart medicine. You become used to that medicine whether you should have been on it in the first place or not. That's, you know, and so now that I'm on some of those meds that my body has become reliant on and used to, um, it puts you in a hard spot. Um, because what do you do now? And You know, having been, having had adverse reactions to medicines that I had adverse reactions to, but then had to then go off almost violently, you know, like cold turkey, that, that ain't no fun at all. Like, it's like hospital no fun. And, um, yeah, I think the, the biggest, the biggest thing I would say from my experience is to just always keep in mind that it's not your fault. That yes, you can make it worse. You can, you can influence it, but that ultimately Your body is a chemical organism and these things are very powerful. And it's not, you know, my, one of my older daughters, actually she's my youngest daughter, but she's a freshman in college, um, has recently started, uh, like secretly sort of attending my Thursday night room. And she came to the first one and Val, I don't, I didn't have a chance to tell you this. Um, and the next day I said to her, and I've tried, and my older daughter, I tried to get, and she wouldn't come. And, but I saw her down there and I didn't, You know, call her out. She stayed down below. I put a profile— I changed my profile picture to her with the dog when she was a young kid, so she knew I saw her, you know, that kind of thing. And afterwards, the next day, I said to her, I said, so what did you think? You know? And she says, um, 2 things. One is that she couldn't believe that all the things that everybody was saying is exactly what's going through her head all the time. And 2, she didn't know that she's not completely alone with this. that it's not just her. And so what happened? I, I didn't say a word. I just, I literally didn't say a word. I just smiled and I was like, well, I was like, I was like, good, you know, just be sure to come back sometime. I'm sure you'll have a good time next time also. And she came last night because we've all felt that way, whether it's in mental health or addiction or, or, or depression or whatever it is, you know. And it's just, you know, you're not alone. It's not your fault. That's the way it is. I'm complete.

Wow. Boom. Wow. Thank you. Thank you, Paulie. Powerful. And you know, I'm, I'm wondering for the person who's in here for their first time, or maybe they're feeling that way, that's how I felt. You know, I came on, you guys, I came onto Clubhouse in August of last year, um, not knowing like, oh my God, is this another ADHD? Is this another thing I'm gonna have to deal with?

Like, except for this, This whole thing is wood.

Yeah. Is wood.

And what I'm doing, just so you know what I'm doing, is by accident. I'm trying to get to it so then I can gotcha get all my shit over there and put the computer screen there.

Gotcha. Okay. But yeah, so it's like you know I remember feeling like so like when I started learning and educating myself on just like in recovery. Educating myself on what is ADHD, what are these symptoms that show up— whoo, mind blown. I felt so seen, I felt so exposed, but I also felt ease and comfort in knowing that I was not alone. And with that, I want to pass it on over to our friend, the Christina Dennis, who I know has lots to share on this topic as well.

Yay, Christina!

I'm so happy to see everybody, and everything everybody shared has Tremendous. I don't know how much I can add to it, but just to affirm it, I am in recovery long-term, 25 years, and I found my way to this information of neurodiversity through my addiction. And it was very, very interesting. I mean, the comorbidity, the co-occurring disorders, they're he talks about statistically is true. We know now ADHD is poorly named. It's not about attention. It's about the fact that executive function is disrupted. And the reason why there is such an amazing crossover and comorbidity between ADHD and addiction is because people People with neurodiverse brains do not have access to dopamine like neurotypical brains, and dopamine is what we must have in order to achieve things, move forward. So it's necessary. And so that's why you can go into a room of recovery and kind of assume that there are large amounts of people with a co-occurring disorder. And then of course anxiety on top of that. If you have a brain that can't get the chemical that it needs in order to move forward on certain things, you're going to have anxiety in the body. And so all of these self-treatment addictions, you know, because the definition of addiction is that you continue to do the addiction, whether it's codependency, sex, food, drugs, smoking, you do it, you continue to do it when the negatives outweigh the benefits. And so we can't— I mean, shame has no place in any 3 of those categories. If you are suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, there's a reason. You know, I was hearing about being dependent on medicine, and I absolutely believe that that's an individual choice. But it is a— we must, as Polly was saying, address all— and Catherine and everybody else— address all of the things that we are using so that we have the best chance in order to live a beautiful balanced, productive life. I mean, I am so against shame in anything. And so, and I think that addiction and ADHD, as well as anxiety, have that in common. And so the conversation that is had, that Val has struck up, and then, you know, our wonderful co-mods continue to have, is wonderful because we must know that we're not alone. that it isn't our fault, and that there are ways to address it, and ways that teach us how to have different systems, you know. And it is mind, body, and spirit that allows us to address whether it's, you know, you feeling like ADHD is the thing that is costing you the most, or it's, you know, in my case, a combination of all of the above. above. It is absolutely natural and life-saving to our brain to go after different items once something hasn't worked or stops working or causes us much bigger pain. And that's why you see, you know, I remember 25 years ago in the rooms, the 12-step rooms, they talked about addictions moving backward, you know, over to here. Oh, it's kind of like Pop the Weasel, that old carnival game. But that is absolutely how the brain is designed to work, right? And so finding people that can help you be seen, finding people that can help you in, you know, the area that needs to be addressed first, knowing that shame has no place in our lives. Understanding that the— that we can see, and I don't want to call them abnormalities because I don't believe they are, they're just different brain functions. We can see it on an fMRI now. We can see it. And so there is no place for anybody to feel uber responsible for the fact that you're trying to treat and help your It's just that we have more effective ways. And so the more education that happens about it, the more understanding that this is not a character problem, the better we will get. And, you know, like Val, when I came on and started kind of suspecting because I could no longer mask some of my neurodiversity— and you might laugh, you know, my story is that I got I got sober from alcohol, realized I had a serious codependency problem that I was treating with alcohol. And within a couple of years, so, you know, 23 years ago, I started becoming educated in boundaries and codependency and how to have healthy, loving, mutually respectful relationships. But there was still something, you know, there was still more for me to discover. And And then I had a son who's neurodiverse. Theresa and I share that beautiful experience. And I started learning about the brain, the plasticity of the brain. And it took me until last year to go and seek— and that could be my codependency that kept me focused on my son, that could be all kinds of reasons— until I started seeking that I needed extra support. whether other people saw it or not. And so I've spent years studying the brain, studying addiction, and I know what doesn't work. You know, what doesn't work is beating ourselves up. What doesn't work is feeling alone. What doesn't work is, is not having our support team. And I know we're gonna do the boundaries or codependency room here today. But I work with a lot of people who come from the recovery world, and then we start looking at ADHD and neurodiversity, and their minds are blown. And then couples are able to have conversations because they understand, oh, this isn't on purpose. This is just the way your brain works. And let's figure out how to help your brain and let— And trust me, where there is one, there is two. In every relationship where there is recovery and neurodiversity, we need to have these kind of conversations. So I'm grateful to be part of the conversation today. Everybody brought up such beautiful things, and I just applaud everybody who came and shared of themselves because that generosity that you have is what saved my life. 25 years ago, people who were generous with their love and their acceptance and their grace. And so happy to be here.

Thank you. Thank you, Christina. Oh my gosh, that was so beautiful. Thank you so much. And we need to celebrate those wins too, because those work, those wins. And Paulie was talking about earlier how, you know, he's a— he had avoided some of the things. It's Halloween and that candy, but he couldn't do it. And I today at the grocery store walked buy the candy because I know I can't do it. So I thought that's going to come in the house the day before, on October 30th, and then I'll, I'll celebrate the wins when the kids take it all. So yeah, it's, uh, it's incredible.

I absolutely delegate that. That's one of the things that I've learned in behavior. My husband goes and buys it a couple days before because it'll be sold out, and then it stays in the trunk of the car. All right, because sugar is so Powerful.

Thank you so much. Great idea.

Boom! Paulie, do you have anything to share on that?

Well, I'm just, I'm just amazed. Christina, Ari, thank you. I mean, you want to talk about putting an exclamation point on some of the ideas, thoughts, and shares today? That's what you did. You just, just blew it up. Thank you for that information. There were some things that I I really want to honor you and thank you for bringing up, you know, and which was we're not alone, right? And that we're not bad people. We have an executive function challenge, right? Our brains are wired different. They're reacting different. They're just, you know, different. And it's so good that technology now is catching up. And through CAT scans, we can see where the blood flows and how trauma— Affects everything. There's just so many things to go into, and I know we're going to go into them further as technology and time allows it. But what was really amazing, what you brought up is— and I'd like to say is, I'm not a bad person. I just had dysfunctional coping skills, right? Because I was just trying to survive, especially as a teenager and growing up. I was just trying to cope with life. I was masking. My ADHD didn't know that. Didn't— I was masking my dysfunctional executive brain there that is going on. And it was coming out sideways, right? I remember my dad. I don't know if anybody can relate, if they want to share. But I remember my dad going, why did you do that? Why did you do that? And I really did not have an answer. I wanted to answer. But I didn't know why I behaved, why I needed to react the way I did, why I had that impulse that I literally could not stop that impulse even though I knew it was wrong. But today we're learning that that was my brain. That was my brain that was seeking out whether it was dopamine, whatever it was seeking out. I'm still learning. I'm not— recovery is a journey and there's never been a better time. to be in that, on that journey, because there's so many things to learn and there's so many things that Christina can share with us. I'm looking forward to that room later on today, as I look forward to all the rooms and all the information that you bring to this, uh, to Clubhouse and to the individuals on Instagram. Thank you so much for the service to the recovery community.

Oh, you're welcome. And I want to say one I'm not sure that it is— I'm coming to believe that I'm not sure that our neurodiversity is a deficiency. I think that it doesn't fit in a neurotypical world, but I hope one day, and I believe it's coming, we will start to see that neurodiverse brains bring a lot of things to the table.

A lot.

Mm-hmm.

That our world will be better off So, you know, it's just a matter of figuring out how you can fit in a life, survive it— more than survive it, thrive from it. But I think there'll come a day where we who have these different beautiful brains are actually bringing the solution.

Yes, and it's— I look at it as a gift. It's a superpower.

Heck yes, it is. I love it, love it, love it. And yes, I put the link above. Um, Christina will be sharing on codependency later on this afternoon, so definitely check that out. And then I want to hop on over to Sally if you're able to share now. Um, go ahead and tap that mic on the bottom right-hand corner if you're able to share.

Yeah, I, I finally found it. I, I was in kind of the wrong thing. I think all I'm going to do is just kind of do a wrap-up of in my mind. Some of the things that were said or that I felt as people were talking is that I think it's very important that we put out positive energy because what we put out is what comes back. And so, you know, I love it that everybody's positive and that we have a place like this where people understand and we're able to To say, yeah, I'm okay. I might not like these other people, but I'm okay. And another thing was that you know the no shame, no responsibility. I spent years feeling responsible for the fact that I raised my kids in my sickness and that I was not okay, and that you know I made some of the choices I made. And then when I had my breakdowns, it made sense why I did that because of all the things that I had kept in my mind for. 54 years. It's like, no wonder. I mean, I am grateful that I was able to even raise my kids and to be able to, you know, provide for them because with what I had, it was like, it could have been a lot worse. And I, for me, sanity has become my number one thing. If every day I look at things and I have to, you know, believe me, I have to ask people Does this seem right? I depend on my girls a lot for that because I know I can trust them. But when I have someone in my life who I realize is wanting to play mind games on me or aren't quite true to who they are, I have to let them go because my being able to stay sane and know that what I know is true is true is one of the most important things for me. When you're able to give up your past and just live for today, I That's just incredible when you're able to do that because, you know, living in the past just keeps you prisoner. It keeps you pulled down. And when you're actually to the point where you're able to say, you know, I'm just going to live for today, the past doesn't matter anymore. Yeah, I was sick. Yeah, I'm not perfect. But just live for today so that you can look forward to today and the futures that you have. And There was one other thing. Just a minute. I wrote them down because I don't remember things very well. I don't remember if I said this, but my my faith—I I you know—I have great faith, and I think that we all have to, no matter what it is we believe in. Personally, I do believe in God and my Savior Jesus Christ. But I just think that you have to have faith in something, even if it's just the fact that you know that what you're doing every day with the choices you're making, the things you're doing are making you a better person and making you to where you are a healthier. Person. That's what I think is, at least for me, that's very, very important. And I'm not very good at sharing, so I— but I tell you, I appreciate this room. I'm so glad that Valerie let me know about it. I, you know, I've already learned so much in just the 2 times that I've come. And Polly, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. And I just think it's incredible that, you know, for 30-plus years you've been able to stay on a positive path, and you're just such a positive person. You can tell by By the way you talk, and so I just thank you all very much. And I'm looking forward to the rest of the morning. Thank you.

Thank you. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Thank you. I'm gonna comment, and then I'll have Polly comment as well. Oh my goodness! Okay, trying to gather my thoughts and emotions. You guys know I'm not afraid to cry on here, so if I cry, it's okay. But you know, there's something so beautiful about that is, um, the ripple effects, you know, like the ripple effect of recovery. And I know some of you guys know in a general way, like why I started coaching in the first place was, um, my mom shared it. So I know that she's open to saying it, but when she went through her own struggle, um, I looked around and was like, what do I, what do I do? You know, I, I'm really good at checking boxes. I'm really good at, um, you know, and, and like a lot of us with ADHD, neurodiversity, and co-occurring disorders, we Can show up, we can suit up, we can do the damn thing when we're in the stress. I mean, we're the ones everyone else looks to. Like we can handle it, right? When there's other like chaotic things going on. But I remember that feeling. It was back in 2012, 2000. I think it was 2012, and I was like, "I don't know how to be in this part of my life." You know, I was like a year sober. I was working maybe a year and a half. I was working this. job that was just using me to the bone. I was on salary and, oh my gosh, like driving myself to the ground. And I remember being like, I don't know how to show up emotionally in this because I couldn't even— I didn't understand my own emotions at the time, much less, you know, now this other capacity. And I remember feeling like, you know, I never ever— I wrote my mom this letter. You guys who are in the 12 steps, you know. And I might cry now. It's also her birthday, so send her some happy birthday messages. But, you know, it's like, so I wrote my mom this letter about how, like, I forgive you and it was not your fault. Like, any choice I made, any path I took, any, you know, the very bottom darkness of me, like, thinking I was alone, living in the backseat of my car in total destruction, choosing unhealthy relationships, moving away so I could drink and use the way I wanted to, and just abandoning Like, that was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done. There's nothing you could have said. There's nothing, nothing, because I was sick and I had that focus, you know? And just know that the ripple effect that happens in families when you rise and you choose to be the one, even if your spouse doesn't understand, even if your family doesn't understand. You know, I had to make that decision about a year ago, like during this event, that I couldn't be in relationship with someone that had addictive behaviors and continued to lie and, and, you know, hide and get sneakier and sneakier because I can't live in that world of doubting or questioning my own sanity. And the ripple effect that happens for families and those around you. Is amazing. And this woman, Sally, my mom, the woman who gave birth to me, who's celebrating her birthday this week, is— I mean, gosh, if— I mean, I, I— she needs to write a book, you guys, because what she's been through and where she's come, and to see her here today is just so amazing. So I'm honored that she's here and honored that we have this beautiful panel. Um, Polly, I don't know if you have anything to share on that, and then we'll We'll reset the room and start in on our next conversation.

Well, thank you, Val. And right, for those, please don't go anywhere. We're going to reset the room. But just to wrap it up real quick, I just want to thank Sally for those kind words and what she brought to this conversation today. You know, we started out talking about the hero's journey and we, this past hour, we've been Everybody's been sharing their hero's journey. You're all recovery warriors. And I just really want to honor you and that idea of the book, right? Life recovery is a journey. It's a book, man. And every chapter is important. Every chapter has something that gives us to build on for the next chapter of our lives, right? So we have this library now. Of past experiences, past wins, past shortcomings, but we can use it. I just want to encourage everybody to use it to write a new chapter, to rise, right? To take that information, rise in recovery, rise with us. As Val was just saying and sharing, we rise together. We bring up our families. We break the cycle. And together, We are better. So thank you so much, Val. I look forward to our next hour. Woo! Woo!

So awesome. Let's go. All right, you guys, we are in the 2nd annual ADHD Rise event, and this year we are taking a big, bold stand for everyone out there who is ready To Rise. Oh my goodness, I met so many of you in this event last year, and, um, you guys helped carry me through one of the most difficult times in, in at least in the last decade, at least in my, you know, in my own sobriety, my own journey. And, um, you know, it was such a beautiful experience. And so we're here for ADHD Rise, and this year our theme is Because You Refuse to Be Defined. By any limitation, any limitation. We are in a very difficult climate in the world where you know there's a lot of cancel going on. There's a lot of differences. There's a lot of people that are viewing that if you don't agree with me on this, or we don't see eye to eye, or we're not the same color, we're not the same orientation, we're not the same. What is that word? Descriptive word. Your the way your identifier. If we're not the same political belief, if we're not the same this. Then you know what, you're wrong and I'm right. And I refuse, you know, like I shared in our opening segment, which, um, if you guys haven't heard that, go back and listen to the replays. You can click on my profile here. You can also sign up above me, adhdrise.com. We're sending out the replays and we're sending out notifications for all the events that are coming up. So if you want to be in the know for everything that's happening, because it is not just going to stay here on Clubhouse This year, it's going to go further beyond. Then go ahead and sign up on at adhdrise.com above my head to stay in the loop, to stay in the know. And, um, you know, we, we refuse. I don't know, you know, looking around at all the people here, and I know that if we all sat down and I asked you your own personal story, like, what, what have you been through? What have you gone through? What is your story? What are your scars? Let's share. Let's share scars. Let's share triumphs. Let's share wins. Let's share, you know, I don't want to know who you were in the past. I want to know who are you today? Tell me about you. Who are you? What do you like? What do you experience? How do you feel? Not only like, how are, what are your emotions right now? Like, who are, but what is your life like? What are your dreams? What are your visions? We would all have these incredibly different, beautiful, intricate ways and stories and thoughts and ideas. And that makes us so beautiful. And unique. And I know that each one of us have had words spoken over us, right? We've had someone that's told us, yeah, you're too much. You're just a little too much. Um, yeah, you're talking a lot. Uh, yeah, you can't be a life coach because you'll make it all about you. Um, oh, recovery? Oh, is that just another thing you're doing? Oh, you? No, no, no, no. You're just— she's just crazy. We don't want to— we don't want to listen to her. Whatever that is, those those words, the phrases, the definitions, the whatever that is that has been spoken over you. Together we are rising. We are refusing to be defined by any limitation today. So for those of you who are just meeting. This panel meeting me today, welcome. I'm so excited you're here. If we know each other, hello, I do. I love you. My name is Val Nichols. I am a business coach for ADHD heart-centered entrepreneurs just like you, business leaders, and I love to help you rise up and win using the tools that I've used to be a successful entrepreneur, even with ADHD. You know, I'm late diagnosis. I didn't know. I had ADHD until about 2 years ago. I actually was diagnosed when I first got sober like 12 years ago, but I didn't follow through in true ADHD fashion. But, you know, that's okay because we're here today. We don't care about the past. We care about who are you today and where are you going. And I want to introduce my amazing panel. I'll share their names with you guys, and then each one of them will share a little bit about, you know, their ADHD and addiction story. And when we say addictions again, you know, we're not talking about any one thing because I don't believe, you know, I often say people say, what is your addiction? I go, I'm kind of like that machine at the, you know, at the casino. You like pull that lever and ding, ding, ding, ding, all those things come up. Yeah, I'm all of it, right? Like I'm a mixture of a lot of things. Yeah, I can be addicted to work. I can be addicted to success. I can be addicted to I've been addicted to alcohol. I've been addicted to cocaine. I've been addicted to food. I've been addicted to unhealthy relationships. I've been addicted to approval. I've been addicted to misery. You know, all of the above. So many things. And so when we talk about addictions, it could be gambling, sex, appreciation. It could be— I mean, it can show up in so many different ways, especially with, like Christina pointed out in the last hour, That dopamine effect. And once our brain goes, ooh, this feels good, it produces dopamine, then we continue that behavior until we have a catalyst moment and make a choice to change. But this is going to be a real raw open. There's no such thing as bad questions, silly questions, any of that. Just know that you are totally safe to also message any one of the moderators up here. Behind the scenes, you know, just message us and ask those questions. It'll be held in complete confidence, and we can share our experience. We can answer any questions you may have on any topic. Guarantee there's one of us up here that has experience with it. So I'm going to introduce our panel real quick, and then I'll open the mics for you guys. But I want to share with you one of my really good friends, Catherine Callahan. So amazing. I met her last year. The very last week of ADHD Rise, she hopped into Clubhouse and we connected right away. I love her so much. She is, you know, and she has a background in addictions counseling. She's also been a part of NAMI, which is a very important community for me because that's where I saw my mom heal a lot and she got to be a mentor and do some really cool things in that. We also have Polly, Mr. Polly A. Hey, hey, Polly A. Mr. Lucky and Sober. He is a dear friend of mine. A gosh, he's a client, and I also met him last year during ADHD Rise, and he has just been such a special part of my life for the past year, and I'm so excited to watch him step out into his true calling as well and see how many people he gets to help. And then we have Chris E., who Oh my goodness, you guys, I am just blown away when this guy talks. He is a part of the MS Warrior Living Well community, and we connected a couple weeks ago, and I was like, I need you on this panel. You have so much experience, strength, and hope to share. And so I'm excited to have him as well, and I just can't wait to kick this off. So feel free to come up if you are able to come up and support on stage. We'd love to have you, whether you can share or not. And then also feel free to ping some people in here if you know there's someone who needs to hear this. And, um, feel free to also share this room out. We are putting people— my team is watching, so we've had people share it on Instagram. Um, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. If when you guys share it, we're putting you in a drawing for some really fun prizes because you know I love to do giveaways. So we have some really fun prizes coming. And so, um, yeah, definitely like share this room out. We'll put you in the drawing. We always have really fun things. And we're actually going to be giving away a bunch of coffee from ADHD Cafe, which is my coffee company, and they're also the sponsor of this event. So feel free to share this out. I know, right? So it's— we share this out. We're gonna be giving away a lot of coffee this month, so I'm excited about that. And feel free to hop on up and check out our coffee. And I don't know if the code they Messaged me and said the code wasn't working. My team did this morning. But you guys, we do have a code where you can use, say, ADHD Rise, and you'll save 15% off your order. So I'll let you know in the comments when that goes live because they told me for some reason there was an error and they were working with Shopify to figure out what was going on. With that, I will pass this on over and I actually want to change it up a little bit. Um, since Chris popped in here today and he has not shared yet, I want to start out with Chris E. And, um, yeah, open up the conversation with— unless if you don't want to, I'm kind of putting you on the spot now. I feel bad because I didn't ask you first. But yeah, Chris, if you'd like to introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about you and your, your story.

Hey, what's up everybody? No, not a problem at all, Val. It's a pleasure to be here to participate. Uh, I am working on, let's see, I'm a small business owner, uh, with terrible ADHD that is in recovery from all types of substances. Kind of like you had said, Val, it's just the list is long. Sex, money, drugs, it doesn't even matter. I've pretty much been addicted to everything. Um, and what I've learned about this is participation is a must for me. I have to participate. It doesn't matter how I feel or what I think I want to do or what I think I need to do because my best thinking is skewed. So what allows me to grow is by participating with people that know more than me. Because if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room, you know? And that for me, my ego, which is very challenging because don't you know who I think I am? That has been a challenge of this road. You know, I'm coming up on 5 years, God willing. I mean, no fronts, but I have today and I'm grateful to be here. And I just love what you guys have to say. It's so cool, Val. You got your hands in everything. That's great. You get some coffee and this and that. And it's just, it's great to see entrepreneurs such as, such as yourself be able to show that there's hope. You know, you just gotta do what you gotta do. And if what you're doing is not working, you gotta do something different. And there's a whole bunch of people with suggestions of what works better for them, what they have done, of what path they take, of how they get better. You know, it's a, uh, you can't think your way into better acting, but you can act your way into better thinking. And especially with ADHD, you know, for me, especially being abusive, when I first, back in the day when I was first introduced to ADHD medication, I just broke them up, snorted them. I didn't take them trying to work on ADHD. I mean, I was a full-blown addict. So anything that I could break up, snort, eat, partake, I was in. It didn't matter if the doctor gave it to me or not. Come to find out, I absolutely have ADHD and to be able to slow that down, And take medication correctly makes all the difference in the world for me. Like the best way I can explain it for me is like I was in the fast lane going 500 miles an hour, just on fire and broken and wheels missing. And there's like, there's other lanes. As soon as I was able to slow down, the ADHD is like, you can get over. There's a middle lane and a slow lane. Y'all could get off the freeway. I literally didn't even know it was only fast lane, 100 miles an hour all the time. No matter what I was doing. And that is, I mean, I was still, still able to manage. It just made things much more difficult. You don't know till you know, right? And I was unaware that, uh, this helped dictate a lot of things for me. And as I learned about this and learned about myself by participating in the program and doing the work, 'cause ain't nobody can do the work for me. You know, it's like my sponsor tells me like, Chris, I do the work for you, but I get the benefits. So you don't want me to do that. And, uh, by participating and picking up that pencil and doing the work on myself and the spiritual sickness that I have, it allows me to be a better individual. And that's why I'm here. You know, I'm here to continue to grow and continue to move forward in a positive, beneficial way because I know how to be a detriment to myself and others. And I have to pretty much do the opposite of everything I'm thinking. Uh, That help me grow in a forward direction. That's by being here with everybody. I just love to hear what all you guys have to say because it's room for me to grow, uh, on things that I still need to work on. Because this is a forever ending, you know, there's no end to this. It's just for today. And today, what am I willing to do to be a better individual? And that's why I'm here. And I love the fact in business, because business is just great. I love business. And, uh, how can I be better at that? You know, that's another reason why I'm here. What have you guys done that I can follow suit to create me a better business? And that's just, it's just good to participate because if I'm not here, I know for sure I'm not going to get the information. So I just know for me showing up, participation is a must. And I'm very grateful. I look forward to see what everybody has to say so I can learn some more. So Val, I appreciate the room and I appreciate you inviting me up.

Thank you so much, Chris. Oh my goodness, what you, you put into words, um, pretty much exactly how it felt, you know, being in addiction. It's like, you know, and, and I didn't know at the time that I also had ADHD, but it's like, if you're in my way, I'm a freaking Ferrari and it doesn't matter. My brain's a Ferrari. My vision is Ferrari. We, we get hooked, right? A symptom of ADHD and addiction is that we can get so hyperfocused on something That it's like, if you're in my way, I'm going to do anything I can to just plow through you, whether if it's leaving the relationship, leaving the town, doing a geographic, leaving the job, leaving the friendship, you know, hurting people, which is so hard to, you know, fully admit. But when you're healed, you can say that. Yeah, I hurt a lot of people intentionally and unintentionally to get to what I wanted, to get to what I needed to feel normal, to feel okay about myself. And, you know, you had mentioned like, I'm going down the freeway and if you're going slow, get out of my way, right? Like, oh, how many of you guys relate with that? Flash your mics if you can relate to that feeling. Yeah, so beautiful. I mean, it's— gosh, I can definitely relate to that. And thank you so much. And I also, I wanted to know, Chris, something I don't know about your story that I'm curious to know is that, you know, I know that you are, you know, you're, you're a successful entrepreneur and you have your stuff going. Were you the type of person, because I know there's more than just me who were, um, and I know that other people will share that story as well, but like, were you the type of person like you were high functioning? Did you have this career? Did you have the potential before? Or was this something that you discovered in the past 5 years when you got sober?

That's a great question. Uh, I was always, I shouldn't say always, but I was very blessed and, uh, I was making— I was in the situation I was in, making the money, participating in business, which is why it was so hard for me to be like, what do you mean I'm sick? And I knew I was not supposed to do drugs and be strung out, yet I was completely successful while doing it. So it was very hard. My ego was like, see, what are you talking about? These fools are talking all this shit about this, that, and the other when y'all ain't got nothing on me, you know, which of course is disgusting. It's just my ego lying to me. But for a very long time, I've actually been very blessed in regards to doing. I've had the business, I've had the opportunity. I've been— it's just one of those things to where it kind of made me normal. It got to that point to where I was a functioning dope fiend, if that makes any sense. And one day I had to go on a business trip and I couldn't take drugs on the plane. So I left a heroin addict and I showed back up alcoholic because I could drink. I mean, and then it was like drinking with business and all the partying and the associate bumping elbows and spending money and all the things that go along with spending money and being in business. Don't you know who I think I am? You know, it's just, it's kind of one of those things. So I was absolutely functioning as much as I could be functional. You know, I was still a drug addict, absolutely. At the same time, I was still showing up and Doing what I had to do. I did most of my work. We worked on the third floor of a building, and I spent most of my day at the bar downstairs. And then they all my boss hated it so much. Like God, Chris, you asshole! But I'd walk back up like all right cool. I sold all these things and made all this money. So he was in a bind. I put him in a bad spot too because it was almost allowed due to the fact I was still producing. So that how I was, I couldn't even tell you. I was just functioning dope fiend. You know, and drunk. And yet I was allowed to get away with stuff because of the finances that I was bringing in. So it was like a double-edged sword. It was detrimental yet beneficial. And then one day I just had to quit. I just told him, I can't take this shit. I'm about to kill myself. I'm dying here. So I quit that high-paying job and went and slept on the floor at my sponsor's house to get sober because he had a sober living at the time. So it was kind of one of those things like, I'm just, I can't, Make it. I'm gonna, I'm not, I'm gonna die. You know, I literally was shaking. I was so sick of being alcoholic that it, I mean, I was drinking like a handle a day, you know, and functioning, which how the hell does that even happen? I don't know, but it does. And it was disgusting. Like I wore the cologne of vodka, you know, it just, I smelled like vodka. I don't care if it was 6 in the morning or 6 in the evening, it was vodka and it's just disgusting. And I'm very grateful for the program and being able to do the things. So I'm not in that situation now. As long as I maintain my spiritual, you know, I have to do the work so I can be spiritually fit. Because if I don't, I can go back there real, real quick. So I hope that explained it, Val.

Yes, absolutely. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. You went exactly where I was hoping you would. Um, I, I, I love that piece of it because, you know, so often there can be a stigma of— and I too, you know, I was like, but, you know, I live in Oregon and it's like, no, but no, alcoholics are the people that are under— underneath the bridge, underneath Burnside Bridge. I have money in my bank account. I have these things, you know, but it's like literally, you know, it's addiction does not discriminate, right? It doesn't matter what class you are. It doesn't matter what gender you are. It doesn't matter where you grew up. It doesn't matter what color you are. It doesn't matter any, any title you have behind your name. It affects us all.

Yes. And if I may, Val. And so, um, oh, go ahead, Catherine. No, just that, you know, you think about the 12-step movement and how they're examining their lives, and they say, you know, especially in AA, the only requirement is to have a desire not to drink. So, I mean, I remember going to AA meetings. I, I didn't feel like I belonged. But they made you feel so welcome because I had the desire not to drink. They used to call me One Can Callahan when I was in high school. I mean, I was like the cheapest date you could ever find. A 6-pack? Forget it. I don't know what would happen. I never got to a 6-pack. I just couldn't feel— after 3 beers, I'd be like, forget it. I don't want— you know, I just didn't like it. But I always had the desire not to drink, so I always felt like I belonged in the 12-step movement. And they're just some of the most Fun-loving and beautiful people I've ever met in my life, and my husband's now in 32 years of recovery. I mean, it's it's incredible. I don't know what I would have done without the 12-step movement.

Woo!

So I do want to open it up. Let's do panel discussion with the idea and respect that hey, we're all ADHD and we're all excited to talk and want to interrupt and all that. But yeah, if you want to unmike and then make sure that you're un-miking, let's unmike one at a time. I know we can all. Respectfully do that. And it also helps if you have a thought to share, just open up your mic as the person's sharing so then we know it's next, and then I can kind of facilitate if you guys would like. So if anyone would like to share and continue this beautiful conversation, please unmute now and share your thoughts. Holly, and then Sally.

All right. All right. Well, thank you so much, Chris. So nice to meet you. Congratulations on your time in recovery and bringing such great information there. We started out also talking about the theme for this year, which is, because I refuse to be defined by any limitations, right?

Yeah.

I think what a great, great That's a great theme. You know, how I related to your story was I wasn't the one full speed knocking people out of my way. But somehow, I would always end up in either middle management, management, some level. I didn't even try but I would always rise to the top whether it was summer camp where I found out, you know, just ended up being runner-up To camper of the season, to ending up where I did as I masked my ADHD. And that was getting into construction and learning this trade. I was what's called a drywall finisher. I'm a journeyman drywall finisher. And one of the slang names for that is a mudder. It's just a mudder. So, what happened was for me, even though I would ended up in management, running crews, running jobs, I would always say I'm just a mudder. You know, that was a slang because it was easier just to limit myself and call myself just a mudder. And I came to believe that, that I wasn't capable of doing anything more than just being a mudder. In fact, I was probably— I am and was one of the best mudders and drywall finishers in southeastern Wisconsin. Plenty of people want me to work for them, and many companies offered me all kinds of jobs, you know. But what happened was then in the downfall of construction in 2009, when there was no other work, I was forced to go out, get another career. And it was there that I found out I could be So much more, that I was capable, that I could do these things. So, I think I love the idea that you shared about being an entrepreneur. It's a journey and we keep going and we keep growing and it's all about growing. And I just want to encourage everybody as we keep going that this is a journey. This is a journey and we are so much more. than what we think we are. So it's about being part of a community, getting that coach, getting that mentor, whether it's in the 12 steps, whether it's on Clubhouse, whether it's in SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, whatever, whether it's a personal online coach. It's so important. Val's been working with me. Like she said, I'm a client. She helps me see parts of me that I don't see, but she knows It's there. I sort of know it's there, but there's things that are blocking me from letting that out. But that's where having a coach, an assistant, a mentor just pulls it right out of us and helps us be the fully functioning individuals that are there. And yes, our mental health challenges, whether it's ADHD or whatever it is, So, resilience is a superpower then, and we can use that superpower to help ourselves, to help our family, and help our community. So thank you so much for inspiring us and sharing with us today, Chris. I look forward to hearing and learning more about your story and all the information that you can bring to the table.

Woohoo! Yes, Paulie! If I may, before we hop over to Sally, I want to dig a little deeper into something that you said, Polly. And, you know, this is such an important piece. And I'll share why I'm asking this question first. I am such a freaking lone wolf. And I can find myself doing that again, especially when I'm in emotional pain. I have a tendency to bury, dig down, isolate, pull myself up by the bootstraps, do it all on my own. And you mentioned something about community. And I remember when I walked into the 12-step program, I was like, uh-uh, I'm not going to get to know you guys. I'm not going to hang out. I don't want to be your friends. I don't know why you're laughing about things that I would never share in my whole life. And I wanted to learn the hook. I wanted to figure out how to drink like a lady and then be out the doors. I was never going to stick around or, you know, I didn't know why people wanted to give me their phone numbers. I was Pretty sure it was like an Amway pyramid scheme. I even saw like those triangles on the wall and I was like, I knew it. It's an Amway scheme. That's why people want to go to coffee with me. So, you know, what is the biggest part if anyone is kind of, you know, on the fringes and they're wondering like, you know, I just don't know, like, I can, I can probably do this on my own. I can probably just, you know, do this, read a book. I don't need a sponsor. I don't need community. I don't need help. Why is that so important? If you could lean into maybe your own experience of what it was like and what happened and what it's like now, and also like, why is that community piece so important?

Wow. So thank you, Val. You're bringing me back. You're making me go back, and that's good. That's good. You know, for me, part, you know, this ADHD And that 100-mile-an-hour brain that as soon as I wake up with, as soon as I'm conscious, tells me those things, right? There's an internal spiritual malady, right? There's this disconnection, right? But really, we're spiritual beings. I truly believe that. So we need that connection, but it is so scary at times. It's so uncertain. If you've been hurt, if you've been mistreated, if, you know, we look at other people and if they don't live up to the expectations that we put on them, it can be very scary and uncertain. So it's, you know, it's easier. It seems, it seems just like drugs and alcohol. It seems easier if I just do it myself. If I just control it. If I stay in my own lane, if I just stay by myself, all that seems easier, but it's not. It's really not because the truth is I'm a spiritual being. I need that connection. It helps me get that dopamine. It helps me bring out that when I connect with a person, when a room connects. So I had to stop looking at the differences. And started looking at the similarities. And I had to find one. And it starts with one person. It starts with one group, one association, whatever works. But for me, it was finding that one person because I didn't walk in there trusting everybody and opening an open book. Heck no, man. I was very protective. Walls were up, you know, very selective. But I started with that one individual. Another human being, another man that had kids. And we started talking about kids. But what I found is that by doing that, that I could trust people, that it did work, and that I wasn't alone, right? That's that feeling then. I can relax, man. I'm not alone. There are other people like me. And I'm okay. And it's all right. And I have someone that I can call, I can trust. Just that knowing then underneath just gives me— then gave me the courage, right? It gives you the courage to keep moving forward, to let them carry you till you can carry yourself. All those things happen and it just— If you just allow— I had to shut off. So here, and I'll finish with this, is I just shut off all that negative stuff and just took one, just reached my hand out to that one person and made that connection. And the rest, it just, it takes care of itself.

Woo!

Beautiful. Thank you for exploring that deeper. Amazing, amazing answer. I love it. All right, Sally, you're up.

Okay. Just to add a little bit to what Polly said about why community is so important, it's like it doesn't matter what group you're in. Like when I was in AMAC or when I went to Al-Anon and Definitely involved in NAMI. People who have been through the same thing or similar situations—they're the ones that really understand. They're the ones that really understand where your heart is and what you're talking about, and so that gives you that fellowship with them. And also, when we don't participate in groups like this or we don't put ourselves out there to be with people, it's when we isolate. That we start getting into our own minds and that's the only place where we go. And that's when we feel the shame, the responsibility, the, the fact that I'm not okay, I'm not like other people. And we all know that's not true. We all know that there are people who feel like we do and that it's not our fault. You know, there's reasons for what has happened in our heads. We have things that we've done, choices that we've made. And it's only when we isolate that we feel like, you know, we're alone. So we need that community. We were made to be social people. And that's why, you know, God gave us people who can understand our hearts. I also, I wanted to comment on the theme, because I refuse to be defined by any limitations. I love that because it's so very true. It's like, you know, I'm not going to let people define me by the fact that I, my whole life I've had problems, and my whole life I've not been able to be completely present, but I am now. I'm working on things every day. You know, it's different days. Some days are easier than other days, but I'm not going to let even myself, who is the most critical person, define me by the things that have happened to me, define me by the fact that You know, when I was too young to even know what was going on, I was made to feel responsible for the things that happened. That's not true. It was other people's sickness that did that to me. And it's taken years and years, but I'm finally to the fact— to the point where, through a lot of work, a lot of being in groups, a lot of self-study, a lot of just looking into my inner self, realizing that there really is something that's not quite Right in my brain, and especially like Valerie shared before, I had two breakdowns in 2012, and that was because I had never faced the things that were going on. I finally got to the point where I had to. So you people that are younger, I'm so glad to see people in here because you need to face these things and to deal with them before you do get older, and it causes you to. You know, one day I was fine; the next day my whole life was completely different. And I didn't, and it took me a long time to get back. But every day I looked at it as, this is my new beginning. Today is what I have for today is what I have. What I have for today is what I'm going to start with. And one of the things I told myself right off was that I was not going to be one of those people that laid in bed all day with my pajamas on, or I wasn't going to be, you know, sitting around all day with my pajamas on. And And that in itself, you know, sometimes it was a struggle, but I made sure that every day, if I did nothing else but get up and get dressed and brush my teeth, that was sometimes all I could do for the first few months. But you know what? I did it. And I worked myself back to where I am now. And I'm just, you know, I'm so grateful for the fact of these things. I got involved in NAMI and I became a state trainer for the Connections Group, which I just absolutely Absolutely love their their group. I love how they do things, and of course they follow a twelve-step plan too. And I think that you know that's so important. And I just want to put a shout out for AA because without AA, I know that Valerie would not be where she is today. And I'm just so grateful that she reached out to it. And when she first started going, I went with her several times, and I thought I hated alcoholics. I absolutely hated them. My ex-husband was an al Alcoholic, and I was too young to understand at the time. But I thought, why does anyone want to be an alcoholic? It just tears everybody apart. It's horrible. Well, through going and listening to those wonderful people who were in there, some of them had been in there for like 25, 30 years. I found out that nobody chooses to be an alcoholic, just like I don't choose to have the things that I have. But I found out that, you know, we all have these sicknesses. We all have things that are going on. There's no such thing as normal, but every day you can work toward being a better person, and that's what's important in this life. And just having groups like this to share with is, is so very, very important. Thank you, Chris, for the things you said. One of the things you said that I really liked was that you said, even at my best, My thinking is skewed. Boy, do I understand what you mean by that.

Woo! Ladies and gentlemen, the woman that created me. Now you know. Now you know.

That was good.

Oh man, we have this we have this Aquarius Libra connection. I don't know if you guys know. If you know, then you know. But it's crazy. And thank you so much for that, Mom. And yeah, you know, it is. It's so funny, you know, hearing it from a mom's perspective of like, why would anybody ever choose that, right? If we have any moms here, like parents, um, anybody struggling with it, um, James, I'm trying to bring you up, but you might need to click out and then come back in, like leave quietly and then come back in, because for some reason it's being glitchy. Oh, there we go. Perfect. So yeah, you know, just know that, um, it's not a choice. We don't choose these things by No means was I like, oh, I hope I become a, you know, struggling, suffering, alone alcoholic cocaine addict living in the backseat of my car full of shame by 26. I mean, yes, come on, that's who I want to be when I grow up. Like, no way, you know. But it's, it's not— we're not responsible for what has happened to us. We are responsible for the great, um, you know, we're responsible to take action and move forward and be You know, be that powerful person. And, and there's a ripple effect that happens in the, in the world. And just know that, you know, I'm not saying everybody, you know, I was lucky enough that my mom, you know, definitely got into healing and recovery and took her own healing route. Um, and, and I will preface that with, we have other people in our family who have not. You know, I was, I was married to one who did not want to get well. And I'm like, how? How can this happen when he sits there and has watched me 12-step people in the living room? He's watched me detox people where I'm literally having to give people beer so they don't die of detoxing. How can that person— but you know, like, it's for those who want it, who need it. And there can be a lot of powerful things. I have one client who almost her entire family has healed and recovered, and it's an incredible story. Wow. And just know that those who are meant to move forward with you will, and those who aren't, you get to still be that example. So thank you, Mama. All right, Danielle, did you want to share? She may be away. I remember she said she was doing something. Mary? Good morning or afternoon.

Hi, yeah, good, good afternoon, uh, where I am. Um, hello to the room. Thanks, Val, for making this, and nice to have heard from Sally and, um, just to hear that, that level of complexity. Um, I— let's see, um, I'm grateful for recovery as well. My first room was when I was desperate, because my family of origin, mental health was not discussed. Any indication that somebody might need a therapist or something like that was, I mean, just so forbidden, you know. And a lot, a lot of shame, a lot of shame. So when I was desperate enough to need something other than what I had already tried, I went to a recovery room and told why I was there. And one particular person was just so impressed that I was not more snotty, more You know, tears and boogers than I than I was. I thought I had plenty, but I guess I'd already cried out a whole bunch. So she became my friend. We're still friends, and she's got you know veteran status. I'm I'm approaching that now. So and as far as ADHD, what I what I've been reading is that. It can become uncovered when you do healing. So I didn't get a diagnosis until a couple of years ago. And, and boy, oh boy, now it sort of starts to make sense of like how I was self-medicating before and trying to find that place where I felt Good, where I felt energized, where I felt capable of facing my life such as it was. So I'm really grateful for— I am grateful for medication. I am grateful for that. My mom was, until recently, the last person from my family of origin that I spoke with. Oh, wow. That I kept in active contact with. But, um, and, and anyone in the room is free to choose. This is, this is our prerogative. This is our right. Um, but she has continued to try to tell me that, um, I should not medicate, that there's nothing wrong with me. Um, she says this, this on one hand, and at the— on the other hand, she'll tell me What's wrong with you? Why are you? Why are you doing this? Why are you know? There's nothing wrong with you. What's wrong with you? Why are you? You're doing something wrong by trying to find your path. So again, she's she's now on my my list of people that I love at a distance and know that I am loved by. But can only keep safely at a great distance. So she wanted to— she wanted to tell me that I should drink tea, that there were some formulations of tea that I should try and that those would work. And I just don't have time for that now. My life has become so much more full. And I mean, in the good way. And medication has helped me to feel like I can keep up with my life that I enjoy. So, um, I'm grateful for y'all sharing your stories, and I'm grateful to be a person to be able to share my story here with you. Thanks. I'm Mari. I'll pass the mic.

Mari, so beautiful. I love you. You are seen. You are acknowledged. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that piece because that's such an important piece that somebody here needs to hear that it's okay. You know, I know that the 12-step program, AA specifically, teaches you know your part, know your part, forgiveness, amends, and it's a both/and. And I know that Polly probably has more to share about this than that. It's like, and sometimes it's okay to just walk away. When there's so much unhealthiness. And I'm so lucky that my mom was that, um, she broke the chain for a lot of— a lot. I mean, I'm just gonna generalize, a lot of things in her family, um, took my sister and I away from that. And, you know, thank goodness she chose to take a stand and say, you know what, no more. It ends. It ends. I'm not going to continue this. And so sometimes we do need to, you know, that's a very individualized thing. We can own up to our part. We can, you know, sometimes we don't have a part, but sometimes our part is to choose us and to remain healthy and cut off those ties until if or when that person is able to come and have a healthy conversation and make some changes. So I honor you in that. I know that's not easy. And man, I admire your strength. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Thanks, Val.

I don't know if anyone else has any comments on that as well. Hey, James. Go ahead, James.

Hey, I think Polly wanted to say something, but I was just gonna briefly just say thanks for sharing, Mari. It's, it's hard to share as well, so well done for sharing as well. Because it actually is difficult sometimes to speak about certain things. If it's okay, I'd like to share some stuff about myself and maybe some things I've learned as well, if that's okay.

Go for it.

It's hard to know where to start. So I think everyone probably relates to this, having an ADHD brain. That, you know, it kind of feels like there's a, there's like a whole ecosystem of little mini systems and thoughts and ideas going on the whole time in my brain, and it's always been that way, which results always in difficulties in the real world. So whether they be social difficulties, communication difficulties, which then resulted in discovering alcohol and weed at a young age, so like maybe like 12 or 13 years old, and realizing that Under the influence of those substances, I was able to be, I guess, a bit more normal or something, a bit more kind of like easygoing and less serious and less kind of like distracted by my million miles an hour brain. Kind of like. I've always had to deal with that. And some of the ways which— now I'm 37, right? So fast-forwarding a lot. In my 20s, I kind of came to a period in time where I was in my first kind of well-paid job, relatively well-paid. Like, I was making way more money than I'd ever had before, but I was drinking a lot, and I'd been smoking weed like since those days. So like I was 23 years old and I'd already been smoking weed and like drinking constantly for like 10 years at this point, right? And yeah, I kind of became like an alcoholic at that time because I was like going out all the time with my friends from work because we worked in a, in like a gastropub kind of thing. I was the head chef in the kitchen. And God knows how I managed to work my way up to being head chef without really knowing what I was doing, probably because of my brilliant mind, I guess. But yeah, I was going out all the time and drinking rum, as I said in the comments earlier. And, you know, it ended up coming to a stage where I had to quit, like, and then because it was just being, you know, having lots of negative effects on my life. And my friend gave me a book, if anybody still speaks smoke cigarettes and they would like to quit smoking, this book will unlock the mysteries around and the myths around so-called giving up smoking. It's called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking, and the author is Alan Carr. He's an Irish author, just an Irish guy like me. And yeah, I read that book, and that was like a turning point in my life because I read the book, immediately became a nonsmoker, and then realized that I was in control of the addictive behavior, like that actually nobody else was in control of it. It was actually me, and I was able to make decisions, and they might be hard to stick to, but I was the one in control. So then, as soon as I managed to quit smoking, a couple of months later, I just said, well, I'm going to try the exact same switch in my head for drinking and see what happens. And it worked. So I managed to quit drinking as well. And I was still smoking some weed, but like not the same way I was before, because when I used to mix it with tobacco, the tobacco was actually the addictive part. It wasn't the weed, you know. So yeah, I managed to kind of quit like tobacco and alcohol, and I was still using weed but on a more recreational kind of not all the time basis. And I guess fast forward, fast forwarding from then, and just some of the kind of lessons that I learned. That would be the first one. The first lesson was like kind of putting things down on paper and actually like say, like literally affirming to yourself, like I no longer smoke cigarettes, was the secret behind quitting smoking cigarettes. Like stopping using language such as, oh, you know, I'm gonna try try and I'm gonna try and give up cigarettes. Like, that kind of language that I was using to myself was the reason why it was difficult. And as soon as I decided to affirm to myself, hold on a minute, I can do this, and I don't smoke anymore, was how I managed to quit. And that was a moment in life where I realized, you know, some people would say, oh, it's like a— some people, I'm difficult, I'm hard with get the words right sometimes, but some people would say stuff like, oh, it's like an awakening, or like a spiritual awakening, or an epiphany, or whatever. But to me, I'm just kind of a bit more systematic. It just felt like it was almost just like a new level of administrative control over the computer, which is my brain. And yeah, I started to learn music. You know, now I'm a musician and pretty good at music. Not trying to blow my own trumpet, but probably pretty good at music. And it's been literally just because of that turning point in my life, I was able to like make decisions and follow through on them. But I still obviously suffer with extremely accelerated and you know active mind and stuff. But some of the lessons that I've learned from doing some healing and some meditation courses, a few ayahuasca ceremonies over the years when I lived in Brazil. I'm not going to tell you my whole life story, but some of the learnings that I would like to share would be like, if everything seems really like overwhelming, um, like right now at the moment I'm in a moment like that where you've got like way too many things to do and like way too many pending tasks in the week and they're all piling up and you're kind of trying to figure it all out in your head, because I know that's what I do. I try and like accumulate them all in my head, and I somehow keep telling myself that that's okay to have like multiple things lined up in like a priority list in my brain. Like, the best way is to write them down on paper or write them down in like an app on your phone, like a reminders app or something, and try and prioritize the things in order of priority. So which one is more important? Try and organize them in, in steps, and that makes it easier to get through those different priorities. And why am I talking about those things? Because from my experience, the reason why I was dependent on substances in the past was because I was always letting things— it was too much kind of just going with the flow, and which is really important to have that skill to be able to go with the flow, but to a stage where I was ignoring all of the important things as well. And they were just kind of like, everything was just kind of flying past and all these thoughts were going everywhere and all the priorities were all mixed up and everything was just all over the place. So I'm not saying that it's a fact that that's the reason why we all end up addicted to substances, But for me, it was because all the things in the outside world were overwhelming that I decided to lean on substances to escape that and feel okay. So if things feel overwhelming, that's what I do. And maybe if nobody has tried that before, just try and sit down for a minute, write them down on a piece of paper and in some kind of order, and then maybe rewrite them again in the proper order. Paper and pen is the easiest way for you, or the Reminders app on your phone is really handy because you can set a time and a date for it to remind you to do that thing or send that email or make that phone call or fill out that form or whatever it is that you've got to do. That really, really helps me to organize the things in my head. And you know, now I'm a My son's 4 and he's also autistic and more than likely ADHD. We don't have a diagnosis for that for him, but that has allowed me to go down the rabbit hole of neurodiversity and understand that's why I'm the way I am. So now I also know that I am both ADHD and on the autism spectrum because of the knowledge that I've unearthed through Trying to discover how to be a better dad for my lovely 4-year-old boy. And the awareness of all that has helped me even more understand why I am the way I am and how to focus on my strengths and try to control the kind of over-accelerated things which are in me, which would be perceived by others as weaknesses. Let's But for me, I just like to look at all those different things like quirks or characteristics rather than be negative about them and just say, right, hey, maybe it might seem overwhelming, but I can do this, you know. Like, at the moment, I'm trying to find a new job, which is really overwhelming. My bank balance is running extremely low from the different things that I've been involved with work-wise over the last few years. And I've got bills to pay, I've got a family to support, and it's difficult. It's like, it's an anxious moment where I've got to like redo my CV. I'm like speaking to recruiters already. They're saying, oh, you're fantastic for this role, send me your CV. And I'm like, well, actually, I'm still doing my CV. It's gonna be another day or two. And I'm in this limbo moment, so it is quite overwhelming for me right now. I confess, um, and a multitude of other different things that are in that priority list in my head. But I'm trying not to lose control and trying to stay calm and trying to keep reprioritizing those things in the little list in my reminders app so that I can understand that, okay, wait, maybe I am still in control even though there's a bunch of things that I have to get done. Um, so yeah, I guess my final thoughts would be just tell yourself how great you are every day. Speak to yourself in positive language always. And if you don't, if by accident you say something that you might feel is focusing on weaknesses or negativity, correct yourself after you've said it and say, hold on a minute. I am really good. I am really brilliant. I'm amazing. I'm fantastic. And because nobody else is going to do that for you— maybe, I mean, for Val, maybe Sally, her mom, might do that for her— but not very many people are going to tell you how brilliant you are. So you've got to do it for yourself. And, uh, that's me. I'll rest my case with those nice final thoughts.

What a great Yes, what a great way to wrap this up. Thank you, thank you, thank you, James. Beautiful experience, beautiful words of wisdom, and I'm so grateful for you. And I want to shift the conversation. We are, um, going to be talking ADHD and emotional balance with my friend Chris Nitty Gritty. It will be in another room, so I put that link down in the bottom. Um, we're gonna hop on over to that room now. So we need to wrap this up. I want to thank my panel for showing up. Thank you guys so much for holding down the fort, doing all the things for everyone who shared, and for everyone who is in here holding space, sharing love. I love you guys. With that, I will end this room, but please do follow the trail and jump over to the other room. We're going to talk about ADHD and emotional balance. So let's continue this beautiful conversation, and let's continue. Continue to rise. Why? Because when I rise, you rise. We rise together. All right, guys, I love you, and I will see you in the next room.

Bye.