ADHD RISE | Your Voice Matters | Ritu Pasrija | Hosted By Summer Christiansen & Val Nichols

have to strive for perfection. And sometimes it is just like finding your voice, right? Like, gosh, I know for me, it took me— I've only had my voice for probably, I don't know, 10, 8 to 10 years, because I didn't know how to articulate what I needed. Plus, you know, really discovering what that was and standing in my truth. So I'm very excited for this conversation. And yeah, I don't know if Summer has anything else you wanna add to that.

Yeah, I'm super, super excited. I also didn't find my voice for a long time. Even being diagnosed as like 11-year-old kid, I still didn't have the support and the skills I needed to feel my worth and my value and to find, to find my voice. And so, yeah, so why don't you guys, start by talking about what that means. Tell us what it means that your voice matters. And yeah, I'll turn the time over to you guys.

Thank you, Summer. I'm gonna let Asmaa say— I'll just quickly introduce, because this actually is the title of her club as well. For me, when I think about my voice matters, It's about each of us, our individual people, and no matter what we have going in our life, I truly believe that whether it's ADHD, whether it's autism, whether it's some other thing, there's always some something that's going on in our life, and we each in that individual mode can do things if we are able to streamline it in a way that. that works for the person. So really anchoring onto finding what that voice is and letting that person be seen, heard, and valued. That connection makes all the difference in the world. I truly believe when we are seen, heard, and valued, we feel like we can accomplish anything. And I think, Val, you were talking about the imposter syndrome.

Yeah.

And I think that's starts to melt away and we begin to really shine our light. I'm going to pass it over to Asmaa.

Hi, thank you so much, Rita, and I will echo everything you said. And honestly, for me, is my voice matter? And it's, again, it's not literally about me, it's about the, the neurodiverse community. The voice, that my voice mattered, because we don't listen to the community and, and autistic, other autistic, ADHD, and the list goes on in my own agenda. We're not valuing their own strengths and empowering them because it really helps to empower themselves, be heard, be understood, be part of the community and not feel isolated. Because in my own experience and what I've heard from so many parents having been in the SEND community, special education and disability, I'm going to cut it for short, it's how we say in the UK, it's very isolating and there's a lot of battles and they really hardly feel heard and understood. But by them being heard and understood and have a voice, we learn together and we really learn what is the best strategy to impart individual that is going to work for them. And honestly, I've learned a lot by just sitting back and listening and giving that empowerment to the young individual. It's one of the reasons I'm passionate about My Voice Matters, because it is. Hopefully that's covered it. Over to you.

I'm, um, gonna add, I love what you shared, Asmaa, and I'm just gonna add something on that. You know, as Asmaa was talking about really listening to what the individual's needs and seeing what way works for them and using those active listening skills. I think that's something that really needs to be highlighted is developing those listening skills to understand instead of being understood, really to hone in on what's going on and looking at it from an open perspective Full of infinite possibilities, and oftentimes, you know, I don't know about other people, but I know it's very easy to fall into. Okay, this ticks this box or this ticks that box, and instead connecting from that human connection and really understanding what those needs are, and listening for that in terms of. You know, using reflection and noticing and journaling. What are the things that trigger certain things within you know the child? What what's happening before after? What are you noticing? Developing that understanding of what's going on, and really almost like it's I look at it as an opportunity to gain connection. And so for me, it's a lot. lot about developing different ways to gain that connection so that you truly understand what's going on in that person's life. And with that, I'm good.

Thank you so much. Oh, go ahead, Val.

I was gonna say, I love what you said about the, you know, striving to understand rather than be understood. That is honestly one of my biggest lessons that I've learned is, you know, I always wanted like people to understand, right? Like I always wanted to like share my thought or help people to understand me. But once I really embodied that, and I was thinking of like the St. Francis prayer, I use that, I used that a lot. I actually went through this like intensive St. Francis prayer study where I embodied each one of the things like where there's darkness, bring light, where You know, there's, um, darkness brings truth. And it's like, you know, when I was really able to understand that, like, it's not my job to make people understand me in my relationships and my business, whatever that is, but to actually understand that person as a human being, that's when, like, I think the world just kind of opens up and we see so much less strife and hate and anger and remorse. We start to see people as human beings and we see that connection. That was another word that really resonated was that connection with people. And, um, you know, that's why we love things like this, like on Clubhouse, where we get to connect with people in a deeper way that is so beautiful, and the infinite possibilities as well. Absolutely amazing. Thank you for that. My name is Val, and I'm complete.

Yes, thank you so much. Um, I resonate with so much of what you said. Um, it's— it can be difficult to find, um, to find that place where we belong and to find the voice that we want to have. But I love the things that you said that were really, really touched me at such a level that it makes you pause and think about what kind of life you want to lead. And I really appreciate that. So yeah, I'll turn the time back over to you guys and Yeah, let us know if there's something specific you want to touch on and if you want to open it up to questions for people in the audience.

Hi, if it's okay, I might just add one thing. And the reason also regarding my advice, everything that you said, and this is coming from my own experience, and I am going to be open and honest here as well. Being dyslexic, okay, I was labeled and called so many names like the naughty kid. I felt so isolated. I actually felt broken and no one understood me. And, you know, I was really bullied by a lot of people and teachers, even those who you really look up to. And when I moved to here and had the right support and the right— and then all of that was amazing. But the minute I felt understood and heard, it's just like a switch just went off and I went, that person get me, that person know what I'm going through. And it really helped me build trust relationship, support, and feeling part of the community. And with that experience, really honestly, I believe gave me the empowerment and strength to really use the strategies I've learned on myself to be where I am now. And by doing that, I just honestly believe having the right environments and giving the voice to the individual and really understanding them, because we I believe I need to meet the children I work with where they are, in their own environment, in their own way of thinking, not the other way around. It really just makes me go, we need more of this. I wanted to add that.

I absolutely loved what you shared, Asmaa. No surprise there. You know, and I think going back in conjunction with what you shared and what Val shared, that human-to-human connection is so important. And so many people experience what you've experienced, Asmaa. And it's so important for us to find ways to create this as a normal so that people don't feel excluded or different or, you know, their self-esteem takes a hit. One of the things that I think is so important, and I know Asmaa is a big believer of this as well, is using Self-regulation techniques. And I think even when we think about self-regulation techniques, we think about that individual component. What is it that's working for that person? We were just in a room where we were talking about PECS, and Asmaa, I think it was you that brought up that some people go horizontal in terms of how they go read, and some people go vertical. And so something as simple as that can make all the difference in the world. And so I do believe even when we're looking at tips of how can we self-regulate, what is, what is the way that we can find our calm, so to speak? I know for me, one of my quickest ways is breath. Another way that I'm a huge proponent for, especially in terms of myself as well as for the ADHD community. I've seen some research out there that talks about how yoga can really support ADHD in terms of helping to bring a more focus in what's going on, also increasing, um, mental and physical discipline and creating or inducing confidence within children. So I think it's, it's really important for us to find those tools and techniques that work for us. I have some other things to share, but I'd love to hear what Asmaa has to share.

Thank you so much for that, Ritu. And one thing I will add is what you said is by knowing The individual and working really closely with the individual. As I always say, for me, behavior is a communication. And, you know, with their needs that they have, ADHD, autism, and all of that, knowing the individual and understanding them first as a person, getting to know them as a person, building a relationship, and then working with— I am going to use this word, it's the only word that's coming to mind— the challenges that they face day to day. And by understanding the behavior and what that is communicating and what the challenges are communicating. For example, as you've mentioned, some children like the Picture Exchange Communication System, which is PECS, can be vertically, but really getting to know that you're empowering that person to take ownership and feel understood and able to be independent to communicate even better for their support and needs. And also, if they do it vertically, it's just, you know, you really get to know them from that, building trust. When you build trust and relationship, you really can support an individual. What I say, I honestly, I hopefully this doesn't come out wrong. I really don't because I do struggle with articulating words. I don't change an individual. I work to empower them to change themselves by understanding the behavior, how the support works for them. And if something doesn't work, it doesn't mean They are broken. It just means the strategy, the environment is not right for them. So by using a breath technique, if you mention, I use corn flour and I use pasta and I, for example, for frustration, I will use hole punching, you know, punching a lot of papers or ripping papers up, that kind of thing. But before I implement any of that, I have to really get to know individual and understand what is the right strategy for them. And also for them to tell me, like through their behavior and how working together Most importantly, working very closely with the parents because I'm not in their household 24/7. I'm there to give the support the best as I can. So hopefully that's giving a bit of an insight. I heal my—

I love that, Asmaa. I love that it's, it's so important that we recognize how our children are communicating to us because oftentimes we want to think that Their voice will be our voice. I think I've made that mistake in my own parenting where I have projected some of my own issues onto them, meaning that I think that they need to do it a certain way. And sometimes that doesn't work for them. Sometimes it's not even a challenge for them. So really paying attention to how they communicate them. communicate with others and how that works for them, how they can find their voice, I think is amazing. So it's really, really helped me as I've taken a step back and tried to encourage other people to really see that. So do you guys want to focus more on helping parents or helping ADHDers find their voice, or we just kind of put it in everything? Just to kind of clarify so we can keep— what do you think?

Go ahead, Asma.

I was actually going to say, if you want to, Ritu. Yeah, honestly, for me, I think if it's everything, because then we'll see where the support is needed. I'm happy to go with low and see where the conversation and/or the questions—

Awesome.

Ritu, did you have a Um, I am gonna 100% agree with Asmaa. I do believe one relates to the other. And so I think in that support of, you know, your voice matters, we have to understand both aspects of it, um, especially when it comes in terms of finding that calm, um, within us.

We—

the environment feeds what we experience. So yeah, back to you, Summer.

Yeah, thank you. Okay, awesome. So I just didn't want to ask the wrong question, which there is no wrong question, but I guess my thought is, what are some strategic steps or steps that we can take to help us find our voice? What does that mean? It feels like for me, the type of learner I am, Like, that phrase feels difficult for me to recognize what it means or how that applies to my life. So what are some things that we can do as adults with ADHD to help us find our voice and what that really looks like?

Thanks, Summer. Great question. I think, you know, when we talk about finding my voice or that my voice matters, it's a process of connecting to yourself and being able and feeling comfortable and safe to express yourself. For me, this really makes a huge difference because unless we feel safe, we don't move forward. That, that level of safety is important. And so finding those techniques that can help us come to that place, um, to feel safe and to believe in ourselves and finding that we are safe to express ourselves, I find that then people are able to begin to express themselves. Things such as, you know, you asked for what are the different techniques. One could be breaking things down into smaller steps and celebrating those things as you go. It gives you confidence. Using positive affirmations is another great way to really find your voice and, and share. Finding safe spaces where you can express yourself in that moment and you feel safe enough, even if it means you partner with someone and you guys call each other and be that support system for each other. I think once we begin to express ourselves, we become more and more comfortable with it. Anything that we do, it takes time and practice. And so remembering to be patient through that process is really important. And I think creating playful, fun, creative ways to do this would really help to increase the results at a faster pace. I'll yield my mic.

Thank you so much, Rachel. I'll echo everything you've said and a few things I will highlight. And also I'm going to think of a different perspective here of supporting ADHDers to also have their voice, but I'll come back to that. One is to work on the anxiety, if there's any anxiety that's there, and by doing this, that, you know, becoming emotionally aware, using the tools of how is it feels in my body, using breathing techniques. I always use, you know, sensory toys because to help really de-escalate and re-regulate ourselves. And honestly, I use that a lot for me because when I go to a place I don't feel safe, and I hope— I really love what Richard says, right? Feeling safe and understood and heard, you feel part of the community and able to find your voice and speak out. So without me feeling safe, one of the strategies I start using And it really has worked for me, and hopefully it will work here. I'll give some tips. I count one to ten, and I take a deep breath, and sometimes I do my tapping, and then I go and speak to those who I feel comfortable with. For those who are really, I know I might not feel accepted or heard. I actually will say to them, "Please bear with me. I'm trying to say this, but this, this, this is the reason behind it." And I'll be honest, I've learned. A technique. So if it's not the right community and I don't feel safe and understood, I leave. I try and find the right community to feel that. For to be able to find your voice as well is to looking what techniques works for you. If it's, you know, doing a calming technique before going somewhere, using a technology, or was it writing a journal? And I know some adults, it might not be right for them. I'm also covering children here using Visual communication to support with that. All of that, it's a bit of strategy that can help voice out what they're feeling. Facial expression, body language, all of that really just empower the individual. And the reason I'm mentioning that, this is the part 2. For us as professionals, shall I say, and that's why I really believe if we meet the individual where they are and support them in using their strengths, we give them the empowerment to be able to find their voice. So by me understanding and building that relationship with that individual and really understand what the body language is telling me, what the facial expression is telling me, the tonality is telling me, and what they are trying to articulate or saying things, but really working with that, they're feeling safe and trustworthy. We support them to be able to become emotionally regulated and find their voice and feel heard even more. And some of those techniques I use are emotional regulation traffic light system. I use things like teddy bears, and I put, um, you know, what's the word, like, today it's cold. I also, um, put, um, communication technique on the teddy bears. I use things like weighted blanket, weighted cuddly toys, just to really help regulates the individual so they feel safe enough and able to— I really hate to use this word, apologies, the only thing that's coming to my mind— able to speak up for themselves and feel heard and understood and find their voice. Hopefully that's giving you the insight you were looking for, Summer. I'm done.

Yeah, yeah, it totally does. So I think that what I'm getting from that is really feeling comfortable enough to advocate and be authentic with those around you. That's kind of how I am seeing it personally. I feel like when you're not safe, you aren't able to say what you mean. There's the fight or flight. And in the past, when I'm not I say that I'm not safe. And I think that there, there's a way to— let's just say I'm overly blunt, I think. And I just say how I feel sometimes. But I think that, I think that safety is, is so important because not everyone deserves to hear our story. So I like that you were saying that when, when you, when you're not feeling safe, Um, instead of— because I, I could be impulsive. Um, I'm way better at it now, but I used to be super, super impulsive. And so when I look at it and I see it now, I see that, you know, um, that if I don't feel safe, I can take a step back, you know, because when we move forward and we're feeling all this angst, it's confusing. I noticed that my mind would get very confused, um, when I was trying to express myself. Because I, I went through a childhood where I didn't feel safe, you know, I didn't feel all the time that I was going to be taken care of. And so I was constantly fighting, you know, and I, I think that I had a pretend voice, if that makes any sense. I feel like I, I showed up as somebody that I wanted everyone to see. And yeah, so I think that that's interesting. Ritu, do you have something to comment about? You can go ahead.

Yes, Summer, um, I loved what you shared about, um, you know, your authentic voice and really being you. Um, and part of that is, I believe, the awareness. And you spoke about them, like your body would give you signals of, okay, I'm not comfortable in this situation. And sometimes we don't pay attention to those signals, but I think one of the most helpful techniques is really listening to those body signals. And that is something that we can also, and I think Asmaa talked about this, model to our kids. So as we are also finding our voice, we can share that with our kids. You know, I am feeling frustrated and naming those emotions. So to speak, so that it— and where it's showing up for us in our body. You know, I'm noticing you're fidgeting. Is everything okay? Can you help me understand what's going on? And I think it's really important the way we respond or the way we share an open communication or dialogue with our children. They shouldn't feel like we're coming at them, they should feel as if we're there supporting them and empowering them. So languaging really matters in this. And I just want to go back to something I originally said, which is journaling or reflecting. Self-reflection is one of the biggest tools for us to understand ourselves better. And when we understand what our triggers are, Or what's going on, and we start connecting those dots, we can empower ourselves with a solution.

Thank you. Sorry, just one thing I'll add. I'll echo also what Rita said. One thing also I really do believe with— you can have— and again, I'm really trying to articulate what I want to say. You can have all the strategies in the world, but if you're not feeling safe and being in the right environment and have that trustworthy for you to be authentic to yourself and be who you are, I'll be honest with you, the strategy will not work. It's because of that safety. And if you— you also mentioned about the fight or flight and freeze state. Our brain does shut down. But by giving the individual that empowerment and, you know, yeah, be yourself. You want to stim, stim as much as you want. You, you know, you want to pace up and down, it's okay because that's who you are, that's the strategy that is working for you. So by using them, the strategy that they're showing us to regulate themselves and becoming emotionally regulated, and that will help with the emotional intelligence and awareness and everything that we've mentioned here really will empower the individual to be able to find their voice even more. Thank you. I'm done.

Oh, I love that. And just for those of you that have your hand raised, I'm about to reset the room and then Bring it up for questions. I think somebody left, and it wouldn't let me text her because it said I'm overusing this feature. So I apologize. Yes. So I wanted to comment on what you were saying. It's so true because I have said in several rooms as I as I hear quite a bit that you know women are mourning their past and the person they could have been. I think that's such an interesting concept in in my own thoughts. You know, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 11. And just like Asmaa was saying, if you don't feel safe, you could have all the strategies in the world and you still won't find what you're looking for because you're not going to feel the safety. You're still not going to progress because you're still scared. And that's exactly what happened. I, I was given a lot of the help that I was needed, but I didn't have someone, um, that knew how to deal with it. Like, I was diagnosed like, um, late '80s, early '90s, you know? So at that point there was some things, there were some, you know, newer teachers and new, um, psychology and things that were, you know, being put out there, but not, not as much to everyone. So although I did get some of the help I needed, I, I didn't have any way to implement those those skills. And I really still struggled because I wasn't feeling safe. I wasn't feeling safe at school. I wasn't feeling safe at home. And I was just like a big mess. So I love, I love that you talked about that because I think that's important. And I love, Asmaa, how much you keep talking about trust and connection when you're working with somebody. And for example, our kids, like, I am such a big proponent of, you know, helping our kids feel that they can trust us. And I always say, when is the last time you trusted somebody that all they do is tell you what you do wrong and try and correct you? Like, I mean, I never would trust somebody like that, you know. So we have— how can we bring our kids closer to us? I was in a room earlier today and the mom was like, I don't know, it's just her, you know, personality. She just tells me things. And, you know, she trusts me. And, you know, I had to give her, you know, some encouragement and some flowers and just say, look, she trusts you because you allow, you allow for her to feel safe with you. You, you have built that connection. Yes, it's her personality. Yes, it's part of who she is. But she would not share that part of who she is if you, if she did not feel that connection and that trust and that safety. So thank you so much for that, Asmaa. I love, I love I love the thoughts that, you know, you keep sharing about trust and connection and safety. It's so vital. So thank you everyone for being here. You are in the ADHD Parenting Club, and if you have not done so already, go ahead and click that little greenhouse above the title of the room and follow the ADHD Parenting Club. You are in the ADHD RISE Summit My Voice Matters room, and we have brought special guests to speak with us about finding our voice and that our voice matters. And Ritu and Asmaa are 2 amazing coaches and professionals that are really involved with helping kids and really finding their voice. I mean, that's what we do as parent coaches. You know, we help the parents and we help the kids. And I'm so excited to have them on today. And yeah, so we're super excited. To have them, and we're going to go ahead and bring up anyone that has questions. So I have one person, Haley. Let's make sure this works and let me know if it doesn't. Um, so I brought Haley up, and then if anyone else has any questions or comments, go ahead and raise your hand and I can bring you up and we can have the good conversation. Like, I appreciate, I appreciate it all because I think all of the Um, all of the things that we do that are helping us move forward, all the people that, you know, that we're hearing, um, and feeling supported by is, is one, one step closer. Haley, can you mute? Oh, there we go. Um, if it would just one step closer to us feeling, um, a little more whole, a little more, um, grounded as we learn and grow from from all of us. So I'm, I'm super grateful for that. So Haley, thanks for coming. What, what kind of questions do you have? How can we serve you?

Hi there. Thank you. Um, so not, not necessarily so much a question. Um, so, um, my background is as an occupational therapist. So I'm loving a lot of what like Asmaa is saying about her methods and techniques and strategies. Um, I'm married to a man with ADHD and I'm And I'm raising a son with ADHD, and I learned very quickly that I could not therapy my family. I learned that very early on. Um, so where we're at in our journey with ADHD is that, um, people needed to learn to find their voice pretty early on. And my blessing, I guess my superpower is that I'm blind and I quickly learned myself that if I didn't ask for help, I couldn't expect others to read my mind and be angry at them when they didn't. And so that's something that my husband and I have really had to work on in our marriage with, with his ADHD and myself being blind. You know, me giving him a list of 6 things and then him only getting 1 done and me getting angry about it very early on in our marriage. And, and then, you know, as we started raising our son, To use some of those strategies that we'd found to work for us. Where we're at now in our journey is that my son is 16 years old and he's really finding his voice, which is beautiful. He, he recently asked if he could try school without his medication. He, the first couple of weeks of school, 10th grade, you know, 9th grade was during the pandemic, so he didn't really get to meet people. He's not super outgoing in his personality. And so the first couple weeks of 10th grade, he would come home from school and I would say, how was school? Academically, he's liking his classes. We finally got his 504 plan up and going again. And, but socially, he was sitting by himself at lunch, like every day and every morning when he got to school, which was hard for me to hear. And he came home from school one day after about 7 or 8 days at school, and he said, Mom, can I talk to you about something? And I said, sure. He said, I really would like to see about going to school without my medication. And, and I was pretty open to that because I wasn't super excited about going on it in the first place, but I realized soon that it was working for him, so I backed down with what I thought was Necessary. And he said, I just— I sat with some friends today. Well, they invited me over and I sat with them and I felt so much more comfortable, like, talking to them, you know, today because I forgot my medication this morning and I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it. I don't feel as sleepy and I don't feel as awkward and I like the way I can communicate with other people when I'm not taking my medication. So can I, can I try school for a while without the medication and see how I feel? And, you know, he's 16. I mean, he knows how his body feels and we kind of check in at the end of each day. And, you know, our discussion was we definitely would be open to you trying school without your medication. You know, notice how you feel, sort of check in with yourself throughout the day. And how tired are you feeling or not? How focused are you feeling or not? Like socially, how are you feeling? And, and then, you know, we definitely need to look at your grades too, because if your grades start slipping, then we need to figure out like why that is and does the medication play a part in that? So that's kind of where we're at with, with our journey. And it's now been a couple weeks without his medication and I just sort of check in with him. Each morning and, you know, hey, are you still not planning on taking your medication this morning? How are things going with that? Um, are you— do you feel like you're focusing okay? Do we need to implement some other strategies? You know, his 504 plan has, um, some strategies, you know, that help out as well, but it's, you know, it's— To listen to him is important and, and to trust that he knows what his body is feeling. More than I do. And so I love the topic of this room, and I'm just kind of came in on his behalf to, to see, you know, what I could learn to move him along in this journey so that he's feeling successful. So anyway, this is Haley, and I'm done speaking.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Haley. And Ritu, yeah, go ahead. I was just gonna say, if you moderators, um, speakers, if you have any thoughts. Yes.

First of all, Hayley, good to see you again. And also, I love the fact that you talked about your superpower of being blind. You also talked about something else, which was that you guys learned early on to ask for help. And I think that's so important in terms of if you're not comfortable with something, Your son. I love the fact that you are empowering him to really work with his body in the way that's right for him. Yet you're setting those boundaries of, let's do a daily check-in. Let's see how that works for you. I'm assuming that you've spoken to the doctor as well in regards to doing that. I do think that it's important to keep the physician informed, but I also believe that we are creators of our world and we have the ability to rise above so many things. And if we're given that opportunity and that belief goes deep down into every fiber of our being, we can create anything. And so if he feels that he can get off that medication. I do think that taking healthy steps to ensure that, just as you have— so congratulations for that— I think that's a wonderful thing to do. And keep those monitors up just to check in, see how things are, and maybe check in with the school as well to see if they've noticed any changes.

And continue forward.

Great work, Haley. I'm with you, and I'm yielding.

Yeah, and thanks, Ritu.

If I could just comment real quick, Haley, I had the same experience with my 16-year-old, and I was a little bit hesitant because one of his character traits is impulsivity, and so I was Really, like, standing in a place of fear. Like, do I dare do this? I mean, in my mind, I told him, yep, that's something you want to try. Like, we could, we could sure do it. Um, and we ended up— and I think that's great. Honestly, it's great that, that you, that you let him have that experience because I think that they, they need that. So even if maybe he does go back on it, You gave him the opportunity to see what it was like and then also partner with him and teach him some of the skills that he will need going forward to manage his ADHD, how works best for him. And so with my son, I said, would you be willing to try a different medication? Because he was so hyperfocused, it was ridiculous. So yeah. So I You know, and he he seems to think that that is helping him. And you know, if he says it again, you know, I just tell him, you know, you could try something else if you want. But I think it's important to allow them to have those experiences, you know, and to give them options and choices. And and it makes them stronger people. It allows them to experience life from their own perspective. You know, it allows them to. Learn and grow, and like I said before, not imposing our own thoughts and feelings onto them. Ritu, do you just totally agree with me? Are you clapping me up right now? Yes, I sure am. Yeah, go ahead. Did you have any comments, Asma, or Ritu?

Sorry. Yes, thank you. Just one thing. I will echo 100% what you've said, Summer and Richard. There's one thing I. really want to highlight, and again, I'm just trying to really speak about it so it doesn't sound any patronizing way. I really want to say, Hayley, I want to thank you because what you've allowed your son to have and to feel and to experience is to say his voice does matter and he can experiment with things and he's got the skill to find out what is working for him and what is not. And honestly, from my own perspective, my own belief, that's such an amazing tools and skills to have to become adults and to be outside in the community, because he will realize to say, I can explore things and it doesn't feel right, doesn't work for me, I haven't failed. It's okay, I can try something else, I can do something else. So I really want to put that there and I want to say thank you again. I'm Asmaa, I heal my—

Asmaa, thank you. You know, as part of my Superpower. Um, I never felt empowered as a child. I wasn't even allowed to try things, even, right? I mean, like, I never failed because I never was allowed to try. And so that's guided me in how I now parent my children, is that, you know, fall. It's important to fall. I'll be there to catch you and help you to figure out what to do next. But it's important to let our kids try, even if it means failing. And also expressing to him that there's absolutely no shame if he decides he wants to go back on the medication. Absolutely. And I think one thing that you said, Asmaa, that really spoke to me was the, the, the idea of allowing kids to self-stim. And I know we're talking about ADHD today, but in the blindness community, that's very frowned upon, right? Those are the kids that people stay away from, and they're encouraged to not to do that. You're not going to fit into society. That's not okay. And so it's got me thinking. Um, I have some processing to do on, on that concept, but, um, appreciate you saying it. And so thank you everyone for your comments.

Hey, Lou, Sesame here. You're very welcome. And honestly, in my perspective, the way I'm gonna normalize it here, we all have a way of regulating ourselves. When I'm in a meeting, it'll be a very important meeting, and this is me being such a professional here, suit on and everything up, but when I'm in a meeting, I doodle. I have a pen in front of me, and without doodling, I don't concentrate. So that's for me to regulate myself. I tap my legs without even noticing. You know, so if that's in a way of being normalized, even though it might not be the right terminology I'm using here, but for everyone to realize it's okay to do that because it helps regulate oneself. I will tell you now, when I doodle and move my leg and twiddle with the pen or have something to fiddle with, I engage 99.9% of the time. I absorb 70 to 80% of the information. If I don't do that, And I do say in the meeting, honestly, I absorbed only 30% of the information. Now, to be honest, I can't blame my dyslexia at all, you know, because it's a way of how I've taught myself to learn. So I just want to put it out there to say something. It can be normalized in so many ways because it helps the individual to be empowered and regulate themselves and able to cope from day-to-day basis and all the stimulus that they deal with and challenges they have to overcome.

Yeah, I love that so much, Asmaa. And as you were speaking, what I was thinking is something that I often have to remind myself and other people, clients and, you know, parents, friends, like when we're talking, is that the reason why things are normal or neurotypical is because that's the norm. That is, that is what the world has made it. And I like to say that to bring to our, to our conscience that we can choose to live and to do things however we need to do them that will serve us, our family, and our children. And I think it's something that we need to recognize. That we can live however we choose to live, meaning whatever works for us. And don't look at the social norm, don't look at the everyday constructs, look at what works for you. You know, the reason why we have a teacher at the head of a classroom and we sit in our seats and we're told to raise our hand is because that's what the social norm is. You know, that's what the construct looks looks like. And so that doesn't mean that it's going to work for us or for our kids. So I always encourage parents especially to look at that. What is working? And stop fighting against just because it isn't the norm or, you know, it's not— yeah, it's not a norm or socially acceptable, you know, not to do something overly, but, you know, what is going to work for them and to really open your mind to that concept because it's so freeing. As soon as I was like, ah, whatever, I'm gonna do this because it works for me and I'm not gonna worry about if people think it's right or wrong because it's only right or wrong because that's what we see every day. So, you know, what works for you and your family is the best way. So, thank you so much for those thoughts. And Haley, you're doing a freaking good job. I love it. Thank you so much for being patient. How can we help you today? How can we serve you?

Thank you. Um, I just wanted to ask a few questions. So I have— my son will be 6 in a few days. Um, so for the past 4 years, I kind of did— to me, he had like transitioning issues because I moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania, uh, for school, and he like totally Totally changed his behaviors. He was only about 2 when I moved. He was about 1 and a half, a month before his birthday. He was getting terminated from different daycares and stuff, um, for the past 4 years. He just finally got into a partial hospitalization program that sort of like school, so he's not going— he's not in regular school. Uh, I just don't want him to— I don't— I just have a fear of him not exceeding the way that he should because of his ADHD. And he's been diagnosed with different things throughout the years because of his severe tantrums that he would have. They would last about an hour. The longest was, I believe, an hour and a half, an hour 45 minutes.

Wow.

And he was about 3 or 4 years old when that happened. That was pretty scary. He would hit, punch, kick, bite. It was, it was, it was a scary moment for me because he's my first child. I don't have any other kids. It's just me and him. Um, so I was, I was kind of scared because this was my first time being a parent and I didn't know if I was doing anything wrong. And then I had moved and just like took him away from family, I feel like. Uh, so I don't know if he was lashing out because of that. Um, they diagnosed him with unspecified— oh, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to mention like diagnoses. Yeah, you don't have to. But I'm okay with being transparent if you guys are okay.

Absolutely.

Okay, okay. Um, they started off diagnosing him with, um, unspecified disruptive impulsive control and conduct disorder. Um, that was in 2018, uh, March, and then again in September Um, they diagnosed him with the same thing and also diagnosed him with, um, trans— it was, it was a some type of transitioning, uh, disorder with like a depressed mood. Uh, 2019, he was diagnosed with, uh, mood dysregulation disorder, and this year he was diagnosed with the same thing with, um, Oh. With a, um, like borderline bipolar disorder. They can't really diagnose him with that yet because he's so young, um, so they didn't diagnose him with that, but the doctor did mention it. I did have to make the decision really early to put him on medication. I literally tried everything. I tried, um, working with him with like I had to do a lot of school stuff at home since he kept getting kicked out because he wasn't really learning because he wouldn't stay in school long enough to learn. Um, so he, he has been all over the place with that. I had to buy the app for ABCmouse, have him do that, and start from like— start from like pre-K or before pre-K, like 1 or 2 years old when he was like 4 And, um, I had to start over with him multiple times. I'm, I'm now starting over with him again, and he's about to be 6. He was, uh, his education level was proficient. It was above proficient. He was higher than what he is now, and he's in kindergarten, being that his birthday is past the time. However, he's now below He's pre-K level now, and it's just like, I don't even know what to do as far as that. Um, my biggest question right now, because I keep getting asked by the doctor, um, you know, I don't know if it has anything to do with his ADHD. I've been doing so much research. He even had an MRI scan done on his brain because I just wanted to make sure it was nothing internally, um, because they had a kid that had Uh, something going on with, with the brain and, and behavior issues as well. However, I wanted to ask, um, if ADHD affects his sleep because, like today, for instance, they give me a report every day. I, I sort of asked for one. Um, today he refused to do all work. However, he went to sleep for the whole afternoon. And he goes to sleep early. So I put him to bed, like he gets his medicine at 7:30 and he's knocked out and in bed no later than 8, 8:30.

Yeah. So I don't know if one of you wanna take that question. There's a couple like caveats, just know like we're not medical professionals and all the good stuff. So we would hate to, Give you advice that didn't serve you, but it definitely give you our opinions and see how that helps you. So I will let Ritu or Asma go ahead in that, and then I have a few thoughts for you as well.

Hi, I definitely will echo what Summer said. By the way, sorry, it's Asma here. I won't be able to comment regarding medical or diagnostic if there's a reason. For it that causes it. And so I just want to put that in. Through my experience, it depends on the needs of the child. It might be sensory overwhelm might cause exhaustion. It might be sensory overload might cause the exhaustion that, you know, if, um, he's sleeping for what you've just mentioned. Through experience as well of what I've experienced through the work I'm doing, A lot of parents have mentioned that some children in the spectrum or adults in the spectrum does struggle with sleep regarding to do with melatonin, and some children, adults in ADHD have also have got some struggles with sleep. But again, I'm going to make it really clear, I wouldn't really be able to say yes, it links or no, it doesn't. I really can't give medical advice, but my tips and strategies that I might put out here is also to have a look and see what the behavior is communicating to us and all of that. What is, you know, for example, I'm not saying that's what's happening. Let's say there's some sort of anxiety, because if you're really, really heightened with anxiety, you are into a fight, flight, and freeze state because your body is always looking for danger and trying to protect you and looking, you know, what to avoid. And by the end of that, it caused huge exhaustion and it's completely like a flat out to go to bed type of thing. And I'm going to use an analogy here because sometimes it works both ways. And the analogy I'm going to use is 2 of them that I always love to use, and because it just works really, really well. It's like a can of Pepsi. You can't see what's happening inside that can of Pepsi if it's been shaken. And if it's shaking quite a lot and you go and open that Pepsi, it might completely explode and everything around you might get covered. But also that same kind of Pepsi, if you keep it for a long time after it's been shaking for a very, very long time, it loses its fizz. So it's completely flat out and completely exhausted is the way I can describe it. So that's the analogy I will use, and it might just have a little bit of impact for that. And by understanding what's the behavior and working with it, and if it's— there's an anxiety or overstimulating or overregulating— by working with that, calming the anxiety down, they're able to work with that. They might be, and you might be able to see different changes. And also due to the needs of your son, everything you mentioned regarding the scan and the needs and every medical he's going through, there might be with all of that— hopefully I'm pronouncing it right— comorbidities, you know, few things that overlapping one another, but able to work with the one specific thing that is causing whatever it is might support. So hopefully that's giving you a bit of insight. If, if there's anything specific into that question, I'll see if I can give very broad and generic, um, tips and strategies with it. For now, I heal Thanks, Asmaa.

Wonderful share. Jayla, thank you for coming up, number one, and for being so open and honest and transparent. You know, I find that children are very sensitive in their environment, and I loved what Asmaa said because I've also seen A lot of people who have sensory overload, that that can exhaust you almost like a workout. You know, it's on an emotional level, but it feels just as intense for you. And so understanding that, you know, the mind goes through its own journey, and sometimes we need to take that. step back as Asmaa was talking about. And sleep is a great way to, you know, and I wasn't sure, Jayla, is he sleeping more or he's not getting enough sleep? Because when you gave the example, you were talking about how he just sleeps so early. So is it more that's— he's sleeping too much, you feel, or?

So, um, so in the beginning I was putting him to bed. His bedtime was 8:30, um, so he would go to sleep by 9 o'clock. I thought that would like keep him asleep through the whole night for him to get up in the morning at 7 to get ready for school. However, um, I was getting notices sent back home stating that he would sleep, you know, they would get him off the bus and he would sleep, um, when he comes from the bus and I take him off, he sleep. During school time, he sleep for most of the morning. So they were saying like, is he getting enough sleep? And I told them that, you know, what time I was sending him to bed. However, they recommended, um, they recommended that I put him to bed at 7:30 and that I continue with the melatonin because I was giving him melatonin. Now the melatonin helps. However, I was giving him the kids dosage and I had to end up giving him the adult gummies. So I'll give him 1 or 2, and I didn't want to do that. Um, he already produces melatonin, but I didn't feel like I needed to do that. I just felt like he needed to burn out some energy, but that didn't work either. So it was just like, now they're— I'm being questioned, like, is he getting enough sleep? He'll go to sleep at 7:30, and sometimes, or like most of the time, he'll wake up He'll stay up for like 30 minutes or an hour, and then he'll go back to sleep. And it's like, I don't know at this point. Like, it's just like advice that I can get from you guys or anybody else that has the same issue that I'm having with my child.

So, um, Jayla, as Summer had mentioned before, Yeah. Or there's, you know, I'm not qualified to give any medical advice. What I would say is work with a doctor to kind of understand that sleep cycle and see what can be done. What I do know is that all of us, if we don't get enough sleep, and sometimes some bodies need a little more sleep than other bodies, and if we don't get that enough sleep, then we're more agitated. I also would recommend taking a look at food habits because I know there are certain types of foods that can aggravate ADHD. And I also know that proper rest is really, really important for that. So what I would suggest to you is, you know, Find the person that feels right to you, the doctor that you feel is listening to you, hearing you out, and you know work from that. There's so many communities, and I would also recommend you know places like Clubhouse to really get on and ask questions, see what others have done in similar situations.

The next.

The next thing that I'm going to recommend is, and I think Asmaa referred to this, you know, our emotions don't go from 0 to 100 very often, right? We usually can sense there's something building, building up. So really using these smaller, like, habits of breathing or things of that nature can help us. Kind of let off the steam that's building up within us so that we don't have as big of an experience. It's not necessary that it works, but generally this, you know, does help that we catch that in doing different things. And especially since he's 6, blowing a bubble in his mouth and creating shapes, or we do a rocket with another 6-year-old that I work with. They love working with a rocket or taking a Transformer and, you know, imagining and visualizing themselves as that, and then using that breath to really help the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system come back into a more balanced space. Does that make sense, Jayla?

Yes, yes, yes. I've, um, I did change his diet around a little. However, um, I'm, I'm having a little backlash from his dad's side of the family. Um, I can't monitor every single person that's around him, but when he's with me, I don't give him any red Like juices with red dyes, uh, blue dyes. He doesn't get juice, period. Not unless it's, um, it's a light— it's light, or, um, I can't think of the name right now. But I don't try to give him juice. We mostly drink water because I have type 1 diabetes myself. Um, I don't eat meat, so he doesn't eat meat. He's very picky though, uh, but I do try to stay along the lines of that. I did try the, um, the banana peel method, boiling the banana peel and, um, with honey and stuff like that, and tried to give it to him. He wouldn't drink it. But, um, I've, I've done a whole lot, and I know you guys aren't medical professionals. Um, I just— there's— there is stuff out there that I haven't tried yet. That's why I asked.

So I, I can share this, um, real quick and then I'll yield my mic. Um, I was reading, uh, an article, a research article on, um, omega-3s, and there is some research out there that says that having omega-3 fatty acids can help in behavior as well. Um, so you may want to check into that and Yeah. And talk to your doctor. Again, I really do recommend having this open, honest, trusting relationship with your doctor because they're the ones who can support you. They've got the right knowledge to really help you through that. But I do know that there's a lot of support groups. I know Summer is part of some of them, and I'll let her speak to what those support groups are. Maybe that would be another great resource For you, and the last thing I'm going to say to you, Jayla, is take time for you. Take time to get self-compassion, self-care, because this can be very overwhelming, and our children notice our energy faster than the words that we speak. So when they feel that. Makes a huge difference for them. So find ways that you find your own balance in this. And there are great apps that talk about mindfulness and things of that nature that could potentially help with some of what you've expressed. I wish you the best, and I yield my mic to Summer.

Jayla, I'm so glad you came up and asked some of those questions because honestly, if we are circling back, like it is all about finding your voice as a parent, you know, and knowing what steps to take to move forward. One thought I had too is I don't know what medication he's on, but, you know, I definitely experienced that with one of my kids and myself as Well, that sometimes they just, it makes them exhausted. Um, and so I would check on that. And, and yes, absolutely. Um, yes, it's exhausting for us as ADHDers to experience, and if we have comorbidities as well, to experience, um, so much. I have sensory issues. My goodness, I was in a room with, um, Ritua Ann with asthma, and I was learning so much about myself as they were speaking because I, I know that I have those issues, but I didn't recognize, you know, how apparent they, they tend to be. So, um, Jayla, I hope that served you and helped you. And, you know, I give you so much love and, um, you know, ability to move forward in your journey with your kid because, you know, it can be hard, but definitely take care of yourself. Thank you. I'm all about that because when you can be centered in yourself, you really, really give that advantage to your family and for your kids to serve them, you know, and to help them when you're centered. So yeah, so we're going to go ahead and start to close down the room. If I can have some closing comments from Ritu and from Asma as we finish up, I would love that.

Thank Asmaa, do you want to go first?

Hi, sorry, I completely lost Summer from what you were saying. The volume just went— please, may you say that again?

Oh, did you not hear me, any of you? I heard you. Okay, you did. Um, yes, so I was just saying we're gonna close up the room, and if you have any closing comments. We'd love to hear from them, or love to hear from you.

Thank you.

Of course, just closing comments to start with is to say, Summer, thank you so much for inviting us here and giving us the opportunity to speak and carry on building awareness. And honestly, what I've heard today, I've learned a lot as well. And I want to thank everyone That have come to support and be here. Just a couple of things I will say, and the reason I'm really passionate about My Voice Matters is all of us have got the right to be heard. All of us have got the right to be understood and be part of a community because we are— what's the word I'm looking for— we are here to be heard and understood and make a difference in our lives.

Yeah.

So I really want to put that there. Also, the other thing is find a community that you feel supported. And I know I keep bringing this up, feeling safe and understood, and that can allow you to take over the anxiety and using the right strategy in the right environment for you to be able to be yourself because you're good. It's being accepted in that community, and by you accepting yourself, because it really takes a lot for me to accept I've got dyslexia and I have my quirky ways of doing things. It really empowered me. And also what Rita have said, all of you here, please do something for you, even if it's 30 seconds, you know, have gratitude for yourself and give yourself that 30-second time to go, I survived through the day, you know, I made it at the end of the day, and celebrate the tiny wins, even if it means, you know, we've put socks on and gone downstairs, whatever it is. I just want you to really reflect on that and give time for you because you do matter as well, okay? And what you're doing and advocating for yourself and the children, it makes a huge difference. I really want to put that there. So thank you so much for giving me this opportunity and for everyone here.

Thank you, Asmaa. I loved what you shared, and obviously I agree with everything that you shared. You know, I am very appreciative to Val and Summer for having the ADHD Rise Summit. I know it's going on all month, in the month of October, so thank you for the hard work that you guys have put into this and to put it together appreciated. You know, when I think about our conversation, My Voice Matters and self-regulation, I think there's a union that comes together between that. And it starts with us understanding ourselves, connecting with ourselves, and having that self-trust. And finding ways to support, as Asmaa, you know, and Summer have shared, not just our children, but support ourselves through that process as well. It's important for you to take that time for you and take that time for your kid. And I would say the biggest thing is bring play into your world. Fun, creative ways to do what it is that you need to do to understand your child deeper. That self-reflection and that journaling that we talked about in the beginning is so important. When you know your triggers, you can empower yourself with the tools and techniques to, to take care of those triggers. So I hope that helps Thank you everybody for being a part of this. Greatly appreciated. And back to you, Summer.

Thank you so much, both of you, for being here. I appreciate all of the knowledge that you have brought to this summit. I mean, I, I was so excited to invite both of you. Both of your voices are just so like lullaby. I love to listen to you speak and I love like your kind words and your insight. So easy to listen Listen to, and I appreciate it so much. I felt a theme almost within this, My Voice Matters. I felt a theme of like you and your child, taking care of yourself and your child. So I really do appreciate that that came out because that's what I'm all about. So yeah, we're just going to go ahead and shut the room down. You're in the ADHD Parenting Club, and if you haven't, go ahead and follow that right above. The, um, the title of the room. And if you haven't already, go register for ADHD Rise Summit, because when I rise, you rise, and we rise together. And I'm so excited to be a part of this. It's going to be amazing all month long, Monday through Friday at, um, 9:30 and 1:30 Pacific time. So please join us all month long. We're going to have over 40 to 50 speakers, and it's going to be great. So we'd love to have you all back. So make sure you go register. You can go to my website, livelifeclearly.com, and see the schedule for the day. And you can also go to bit.ly/ADHDRISE and register. So that would be fantastic. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me, and we can't wait to see you guys for the rest of the month. We love it. We're so excited. And I am going to shut down the room. And thanks again, Ritu and Asma, for being here. It's been a pleasure to have you. Thank you so much. Okay, bye-bye everyone.