THRIVE Show Jordann Alyce - Trauma and Resilience & PTSD Triggers and How To Deal With Triggers

Welcome everybody to the Thriving Show where we are creating a healthy lifestyle, a thriving business, and a life of intention, even in the midst of the COVID-19 virus. So I have today a special guest. She is a special friend and someone who is going to give you some very practical advice on how to remain calm, how to be present, and how to really stay grounded in your life and your business as we are navigating these uncertain times. I have today Jordan Elise. She is a coach. An author, a public speaker, and she specializes in resilience and trauma recovery. So I'd love to welcome Jordan.

Hi. Hi, thank you, Val, for having me to talk about this, you know, incredibly important topic in a really relevant time. So what you're doing, your mission here is so important and it couldn't be more timely for what we're going through globally as we've seen.

Absolutely. And thank you so much for offering your advice and your wisdom. I know that this is something that a lot of people out there are handling right now, you know, with the unknown and all of the— I think that's the hardest part, honestly. The feedback I'm hearing is that it's not even knowing that what could happen, it's the unknown that's really scary for people. And I'm hearing that it's triggering a lot of response for people who've had PTSD or trauma in their past.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we've seen in the last, you know, week, the last 2 weeks, I'm not sure when we're gonna publish this interview, but everything is shifting day by day. And that's so scary when you hear a prognosis of what's going on and then the next day it's even worse and the severity has increased. And then, you know, it goes from, oh, this should be sorted in a month, to, we were just talking offline, potentially 18 months. And just the uncertainty and then all of the mixed messages and information that's coming from the news right now can be so triggering. Because here's the deal, and this is what I'm getting feedback from a lot of my Clients on, and I've completely pivoted, as you have as well, to really try to serve the Community in the best way possible because everyone is feeling incredibly confused, kind of helpless, like loss of control of their surroundings. And we can get into, you know, why people are feeling so triggered. You mentioned PTSD in particular. People who, you know, you said I specialize in trauma and working with clients who have had trauma, they have PTSD oftentimes, and they're feeling, you know, that scarcity of resources, whether that be from medical professionals who have always been on hand, on staff to help them, just services that are available to them. Also feeling again that loss of control, whether that be over themselves, because the feedback I keep hearing over and over again too. is that people are not necessarily feeling a loss of control, even about their surroundings, yes, but they feel that guilt, that shame, that blame of what happens if I get it and I pass it to somebody else, which is really unique, right, for the people who have experienced trauma and PTSD, because a lot of us who've experienced that carry a lot of weight, and this entire COVID-19 situation is just adding to that weight of what if I— Put myself into a situation where then I harm somebody else. So that's an added layer of complexity that we're seeing.

Wow, that is something I haven't even thought about, you know, because there's that whole— a lot of times people who go through trauma have that survivor's guilt. But this is almost like a new layer, a new dimension of that guilt and that shame that can be, especially, you know, as women or people who've survived trauma, can really put on themselves.

Yeah, it's incredible. And I think it was, it was something that I didn't expect either until I got email after email after email, you know, asking my community, asking my followers, how can I serve you? And that kept coming up, you know, in addition to tips to manage fear, anxiety, tips to enhance self-care, create like a structure for their day. We can get into all of that later on in this conversation, but really people were wondering, how do I prevent myself from feeling so isolated, so helpless, and then so out of control? But it wasn't like out of control of the situation in general, because I think everyone kind of understands that they can't really do anything right now to make monumental shifts in what's happening. It's kind of just all chaotic and out of control. So So there was a lot of concern though about how can I not only keep myself safe, but then keep the people around me safe because they couldn't handle, you know, if something happened to their relative, their neighbor, an elderly person that they're in contact with.

Oh my goodness. Yes, absolutely. And I do feel like that sense of loss of control is showing up everywhere when you look around. I mean, I really think that that's why the toilet paper is all gone. Because it's something people can control on the outside.

Well, and then that's the thing with, like, with the toilet paper, with the food. You go to any grocery store and everything is cleared out. And that even internally, like, I don't know about you, but it makes me feel a sense of scarcity. And I don't live with scarcity normally, but it's like, oh my gosh, did I get enough? Right? And that's why I think having this conversation right now is so incredibly important, because living from that place of scarcity, living from that place of fear, isn't going to help anybody. It's not going to help the people who hoarded all the toilet paper. Like, in general, hoarding, that decision is saying, you know, it's a decision made out of fear. And if you're listening in and you're that person, again, there's no guilt. There's no shame, shoulds, blame. Like, that's okay. I get it. I literally, when I went to the store and saw that it was all gone, I was like, oh my gosh, I should have gotten some. But here's the deal is that It's not going to make you feel better if you panic buy and hoard. Again, this is scarcity and this isn't a faithful approach. This isn't an approach that you believe that everything will work itself out. And so when you— and this is why I love Val. We are sisters in faith and we connect on that level too. But even if you're listening in and you don't have faith, totally good. But having faith in yourself, having trust in yourself and that Everything will work itself out is really crucial here.

Yes, absolutely. And that's funny because I'm right in the middle of— as we're recording this, I'm in the middle of a money mindset program. And it is like that, that scarcity mindset of feeling like there's not going to be enough, there's not going to be enough of whatever resource it is. And it's interesting because I'm seeing that, you know, I went to the grocery store yesterday. And it literally felt like people were just kind of in this like dog-eat-dog mentality, which was so strange.

I know. So I have celiac disease, so I eat gluten-free. And so I like, you know, trying to get the gluten-free items and I was grabbing the last loaf of gluten-free bread and a woman literally like went to push me out of the way to grab it. And I was just like, here you go, you can have it.

Just so— it's—

I've had some really strange experiences over the last few days and As we've been seeing and talking, like, it's only going to get worse. So this conversation and the continued conversations we're going to have, like, we get to choose as a community how we want to respond to this, the energy we want to put around it, if we want to play win-win, if we want to play team, or if we want to be again isolated, only caring about ourselves. And it just doesn't work. Like, you can only play that game for so long because then everyone is out. Everyone loses.

So true. Oh my goodness, like the face masks. I keep thinking about that with like my sister works in the medical community and she's saying that there's not even masks available. And if our healthcare people get sick and they're not able to show up to work, like who knows?

Totally. And I think this is particularly relevant for the trauma survivor community, for those who have PTSD, because when you experience trauma, you immediately feel like I have to take care of myself. I have to control my surroundings because I'm the only one who's up to bat for me, right? Like, you don't feel like you have a team. You feel alone. You feel isolated. And that, you know, automatic reaction, that defense mechanism usually carries itself through later on in life. And that's why situations like this are so triggering because you feel again like you have to kind of like hoard all your resources, go into a hole. And literally this physical isolation too from support networks, the outside world, you really feel like it's— just you and yourself and you have to take care of yourself. And that's why we're having this conversation, because if you're listening in and that's your truth, like, we're here to tell you that there's an entire Community of people who are eager and ready to help you. And like, we are so blessed to live in an online day and age where you could even use this time. I know, Val, you talked about your money mindset, you know, what is it, mastermind going on? There you go. And people are using this time to like create new businesses. People are using this time to connect with their families finally. You know, people are actually using this time in a way that's beneficial, and I would encourage everyone who's been, you know, affected by PTSD, affected by trauma, you can also use this time to heal. Like, life has given you kind of a little bit of a pause button where you can actually do some deep self-reflection, some self-healing, and that's like, this might never happen again. So yeah. Amen.

Yes, that is so It's so funny because the other day we were doing a drop-off site for like food boxes at my church right now. And there was this huge sign upstairs that had just like this big pause button and it said pause. And I was like, oh my goodness. Yes, this is the opportunity we have right now. And, you know, to speak into what you were saying, I mean, I'm going to be raw and honest with you right now.

Yes.

Having been a trauma survivor. Myself as well. And I know that you are. And I know there are a lot of people who are watching this right now who are in that space. Like, my automatic human reaction was, oh, this is just the media blowing it up. And I mean, honestly, I went to that place first and foremost. Of, you know, the conspiracy, like needing to protect myself first, like that, that self-absorbed like thing. That, you know, even until very recently I had that. That was my automatic reaction of I have to take care of myself because, you know, in my childhood I did, you know, and so I understand that, you know, if people are watching that and they're feeling that, that's— it's a very real thing for sure.

Oh, totally. That was my automatic reaction, too. I mean, so Val and I were really blessed. We went to a Leadership Retreat like a week and a half ago. And that's literally when all of this went down. We didn't have our phones, y'all. So like no news, complete isolation, like living in this just beautiful container with the best people ever. And then we get out and it's like the whole world has changed. And Val and I didn't stock up on toilet paper. So imagine, like I had that visceral gut reaction too. And then I think we were really well set up having gone through the Leadership Experience, being able to look at it and say, okay, this is our immediate reaction. But now we get to take a step back and make a choice about how we want to take committed action moving forward. Because staying in that place of fear, it doesn't serve anybody. And I did, I actually stayed in the place of fear for a little over a day. I didn't get good sleep. I didn't structure my day appropriately. I kind of was like, I fluctuated. It's interesting because when people go through trauma, they either are in what you kind of spoke about, either a state of almost denial, right? Where you're like, this is a conspiracy, whatever, it doesn't matter. Like completely almost invalidating other people's kind of fear, 'cause you don't actually want to believe that it's a problem, 'cause that's painful. Like if there's actually a problem as a world here, it's so painful. And those who have gone through trauma, PTSD, we're like, we don't wanna experience that pain. Like it's nonexistent. And so I went from that where people were freaking out and I was like, you're being ridiculous, to the opposite where I was like, oh my gosh, this is a huge issue and I need to get all of the things for myself. And I did that for about a day and a half, and I was like, this isn't serving me or anybody else. And so I'm just sharing that again, like usually, I guess, vulnerably with y'all, because it's when you're in a position where you've even done all this work on your trauma and you, like I said, gone through leadership and we've done so much self-development work, we still go to that initial, that place. So if you've been in that place even for weeks now, it's okay, but we're going to give you tools here to like be able to shift out of it.

It's beautiful. And what I'm hearing from you and what I'm hearing from a lot of people who are— have found the place of acceptance is there is like a surrender that happens regardless of, you know, I know that a lot of times we're not always— and hear me through this— like, we're not responsible for our first thought.

Mm-hmm.

But what we're responsible for is our reaction and what we do from there. So I hear that there's like this surrender process for you. And you talked about, you know, some of the tools that people can use. So what are the tools that you're sharing with people?

Yeah. So the first one that I love, it's going to seem so simple. And so if you're rolling your eyes after this one, stay with me here. We're going to get into some more. The first one is seriously just to sit down and get grounded, like slow down. Again, we talked about this pause. This is a moment of opportunity, one of the first that I've ever experienced in my life, where the world as a collective whole is taking a deep breath and everyone is given the space to actually slow down. It's like, take advantage of that. And so oftentimes too, when you're a survivor of trauma, when you've gone through PTSD, slowing down— and I know for myself, I used to look at like meditating, even doing yoga, it was all too slow for me. Because I didn't actually want to sit with myself. Because when I sat with myself, I didn't usually like what I saw. I like to stay busy, stay distracted, right? Because it was easier for me. And so right now, even you might be feeling triggered by the slow pace of what's happening. And I want to tell you that that's okay. And if you embrace it, this can be one of the most pivotal moments in your healing journey because you, again, you get to use this time to self-reflect and potentially dig deep. But again, this doesn't have to be some intense process. I'm talking meditating 5 minutes a day, doing some stretches, you know, yoga, doing breathing exercises, anything that can just get you in a space where you can take, I would say, probably 10 to 15 minutes if you can swing it a day, preferably early in the morning, that gets you to just be, where you don't even have to think about anything. Again, people are usually intimidated by meditation because they're like, oh my gosh, my thoughts go everywhere.

Just let them go everywhere.

Just take Focus on your breath, take deep breaths. It's all good. But again, there's nothing you can do right now to necessarily help the global situation. And so energetically, you get to shift your energy to be in a place of just being and like, you're enough. And so this downtime is like the power of positive thinking when you're in that space. It's really helpful.

I love that. It's beautiful. And it is like, it's funny because it seems like With the breath, with the pause that the world is experiencing right now, I keep hearing this commonality of honestly going back to the basics. Yeah, like you're saying, don't judge that this is so basic. Like, I feel like we're going back to the basics.

Because things have become so chaotic and so confusing and there's so many moving parts. And it's funny because oftentimes people, you know, all of this chaos as a testament to like, oh, we're living in an online world, so things are so crazy. Yes, but now we get to leverage social media, all of these online platforms to all take that deep breath together.

Yes.

It's the coolest thing.

I love it. I keep saying like when I'm having people, you know, I'm doing like prayer gatherings and work time, like I'm having entrepreneurs jump on Zoom with me and just work together. I'm like, hey, let's social distance together, right? Like, why not?

I've joined in a happy hour with my friends. One of our friends, Chelsea, she had a St. Patty's Day party with like her and 60 of her closest friends. They were all dressed up on Zoom, like drinking. And so there's ways to do it where you can still feel connected, which is so cool. But really, that— I think the number one tool that I would use is to just slow down and ground. And then to make sure that you're Only digesting reliable information from the news and don't overindulge. Like, I've stopped actually personally watching the news. That's my personal decision. You can make whatever decisions you want about it. It was too much for me. As a trauma survivor, oftentimes we're really triggered by those intense headlines and it just isn't worth it unless there's, you know, a major development and new news comes out from like the CDC. Okay, go read the press release. You don't necessarily have to watch someone's like crazy You know, it's just, it's all— what's the word for that— where they just hype it up, right? Their interpretation of the news. It's chaotic. It's toxic. It's also addicting. Like, we find ourselves, you know, checking in all the time. So number 2 tip, I would just stay away from that. You can create your own. Again, connect with your community, focusing on the good here, ensuring that you're up to date with all of the most relevant news. But somebody in your life is going to tell you, like my boyfriend, he watches the news all the time. He can tell me. I don't want to, I don't want to, you know, I don't want that in my life. And then number 3, we talked about this, is just to know that you're not alone. Like, however you're feeling, there are thousands and millions now of people in the world who are feeling the exact same way. And so my biggest recommendation here would be to be vulnerable and show up authentically no matter what, because how you're feeling from one day can totally change to the next day. So if one day you're feeling comfortable and strong and you're like, I'm I feel connected. The next day you're feeling isolated and scared and alone and afraid. That's totally okay. Like, everyone is going through this rollercoaster of emotions. And so what you get to do is reach out to a family member, a friend, potentially a therapist. A lot of therapists are going online now with their clients. There's coaches like me. There's national organizations. A particular favorite of mine, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have crisis counselors on staff ready to support, and you can text them. It's like the coolest thing that you text them. And so I wrote it down here because I wanted to note it. If you text NAMI, which is N-A-M-I, it's just the National Alliance on Mental Illness acronym, to 741741, you can just text them a, hey, feeling like this, and they literally have somebody on call 24/7 to support you. So that's my third thing is just knowing that you're not alone and that there are resources out there to help you.

Yes, I love that. And nice plug for NAMI because that is something— my mom has severe mental illness and it has changed her life being a part of that program.

Amazing. It's such a great organization and it's free and they're incredible.

Yeah, absolutely incredible.

Okay, I have 2 more quick tips. Can I share before— I know we're coming up on our time.

You're good.

So the third one, or I guess the next one, would be just investing in basic self-care. This sounds so silly again, but getting back to the basics, get regular sleep, get regular exercise, whether that looks like a random dance party with your family, whether that looks like you just doing simple yoga stretches, like physically moving your body is something that we might not be able to get outside to do, you know, in the coming months. And so creating a routine now which enables you to connect online with your local studios. All of my studios that I go to exercise-wise They're online. So, you know, don't make excuses about why you can't move. You can do it and find what works for you. And then keeping yourself on a schedule, eating healthy, making sure you're still— like, a lot of people have never worked from home. We've had the pleasure of creating a business where we can work from home. But for those of you listening in and you've never worked remotely, reach out to your friends who have. Like, Google, you know, tips for creating a structured schedule because structure is So important. And if, again, you've gone through trauma, you have PTSD, having a structured day helps you feel like you can retain control of like what's going on in your own life.

I love that. And I think that that's, you know, so true for me. Like, yeah, I still have clients I meet with online, but so much of my life has been— and everyone who's watching this right now, it's been interrupted. We've been inconvenienced. Keeping some sort of like normalcy in route has really helped for a lot of people that I've talked to.

Yeah, and then I think the last thing, and we've talked about this personally, and I love this, it's when in doubt, if you are feeling so off, it's when in doubt, focus out. Like, we have an incredible opportunity to come together as a global Community to maybe check in with that neighbor who's elderly, or check in with your church and see how you can support. The local church is a great Community of people who know the elderly people typically who need support, right? And so if you're feeling like you just don't know how to help, oftentimes trauma survivors also have a heart for service and they want to go out and help other people. And so that always recenters me. And if you're feeling lost, like you don't know what to do, look up local organizations, charities, churches, reach out to them, and I know that they would love to have your support.

Yes, absolutely. I love that because that's one of the things, like, if you're feeling lonely, I guarantee you there's at least 10 people on your phone list that are feeling lonely too. And even something as simple as like writing a note card to someone in a nursing home who can't get visitors, like, there's so many ways to serve in this day and time, like so many ways to serve.

Yeah. Or even I think about, you know, cancer patients who are at the hospital who can't, like you said, can't have visitors. Because they're immunocompromised. There's so many ways— the cards, the notes, anything you can do electronically, it matters. So there's— I feel like this is just the start of us coming together and really shifting how the world operates moving forward. So, you know, we're already starting to see that. And wherever you're at, if you don't feel that yet, it's okay. I have a feeling it's going to be happening. But conversations like this, I love being a part of because hopefully if you're listening, you've taken a few tips and tricks for how you can not only kind of feel calm in all of this chaos for yourself and your own life, but then also go out in the community and share that energy.

I love that because honestly, I think at the core of everyone's being, they want to feel like they're making a difference and they want to feel like their life matters.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Well, thank you, Val, for having— anything else that you want to dive into? I know we have a few more minutes, but—

I was just gonna ask you as well, like, so for people who— I know for me, before I started my healing process, anytime I felt out of control, yeah, I could slip into that spiral. So what is your tip for someone who When they slip in it, this isn't always, you know, like you said, it's going to wane and wax. You know, the feelings can wax and wane depending upon the information, the date, the time, so many factors. But if someone does slip into that place, like let's say they're watching a newscast and they start slipping in that place of uncontrol, what do you recommend they would do to help them get back to center?

Yeah, absolutely. Great question. And I would recommend— so I love journaling. I think it's really powerful because you can use it for 2 things. You can journal all the negative thoughts and then you can rip that shit up because it doesn't serve you. And then you can journal from a place of, let's journal as if all of my needs are taken care of, if everything's going well. This is where visualizations come in really handy. You can journal, you know, bringing your future vision that you have into your present. So that's— I love writing personally when I feel like things are going out of control in my own life. It just helps put your thoughts into a tangible way so that you can actually digest them. And then 2, I really think leaning on community members, whether that be just a close friend, make sure that you've identified at least 3 to 4 people in your corner. That can even be an organization such as NAMI that you know would be up to bat for you any time of the day, where you can just text them, hey, feeling off. Like, that's why we have one another during this time. And so being in isolation, it just, it won't cut it anymore. And so that's really like my 2 tools, in addition to, again, going back to the breathing. Your breath is so powerful. Oftentimes when we feel that anxiety come up, if you take— if you look down at your Apple Watch or you take note of just your pulse, it's through the roof. And so when you slow yourself down and be conscious of your breath, that actually helps when your physiological reaction— and this goes back to trauma treatment in general— trauma stored in the body. Anytime you feel triggered, You're gonna have a physiological reaction. So if you're able to slow that down, then all the emotions, the thoughts that come along with it, you can slow those down as well. So, I love it.

Thank you so much for joining in this conversation today. And I know that people are gonna get so much out of this video. So for—

I hope.

Yes, absolutely. And so for people who want to know more about you or how to connect with you, where can they find you?

Absolutely. I would say social media right now is the most fun. So if you want to— do you want to post my links below or wherever you'd like? I'll post them below. Perfect. And I have a Facebook community called Ready to Rise, and right now we're really focused on supporting one another during this pandemic to just make sure that we have all the tools and resources. Right now I'm pushing out a lot of content on how to handle fear, anxiety, all of that as a trauma survivor. So I would say social media.

Awesome. Thank you so much. I'm so excited that you got to join in. It is always amazing to connect with you.

Awesome. I love you so much and all the work you're doing. I cannot wait to watch this full series, as I know you have so many amazing connections and feature gems as speakers. So if you're listening into this series, make sure you catch all of them because Val is a gift of a human being and she just provides the best information. So thank you for featuring me.

Thank you, Jordan. And thanks, everybody. We will catch you tomorrow.

Bye.