How I Stopped Being a Nervous Speaker [7 Mindset Strategies]

We are doing something different today. We are doing a walk and talk from Hong Kong. It's 7 AM in the morning here. Good morning if you're in Asia, good evening if you're in North America or South America. And today we're going to talk about a topic that I'm super passionate about, and it's public speaking. And honestly, public speaking is one of those skills that is absolutely terrifying and mortifying. And apparently people are more afraid of public speaking than actually dying. You can Google this, you can AI. This is true. Yet the reality is that public speaking is an incredible skill, not only for your career, but also for your life. Personally, it's been transformational. It's been transformational as an author. It's really helped me start speaking in literary festivals. As a creator, it has really helped me build my community by doing things like this, showing up randomly on my track session in the morning here, or by being able to do business roundtables. And feeling comfortable and confident when you speak and you share your message. And the last thing that's really exciting is that today I'm actually a public speaker. And although I started my career as a writer and as an author, today public speaking is actually my number one income stream. And it's honestly an amazing feeling when you're able to talk about what you're passionate about. In my case, I talk about inclusive leadership, I talk about women, I talk about growth mindset, and having companies pay you to be on a panel or to do a fireside chat or to be a keynote speaker so you It really, really is a wonderful skill. And my goal today is to share with you some of the tips that have helped me get over my fear, because I can tell you, it's always terrifying before you press that little button. So what I want to do, I'm going to have a few of these live sessions to focus on specific aspects of public speaking. So today I want to talk about the mindset, because everything we want to do in life really starts here in between our two ears. Next week, I want to talk more about verbal skills, nonverbal skills, and also the tonal and the vocal aspect of public speaking. And so we're gonna start talking about the mindset. And the very first thing before you go into your talk, whether it's a keynote, whether it's a live session, whatever it is, is really to work here, this muscle here, and visualize success. I'm an athlete, I'm a triathlete, and visualization is huge in the world of sports. It's really important for you to ask yourself, what does success look like? And really visualize that picture. In my case, before I turned on this live session today, I was thinking, well, success first is for some people to show up, but then it's really for you to have a good experience, for me to have a good experience as well. It doesn't have to be perfect. It's all about being functional. I really hope that you take at least one thing from today that you're like, you know, this was useful. I can use this for myself. And so that visualization aspect. is really key because if we don't know what success looks like, we don't even know what we're chasing, right? So ask yourself, what does good look like so that you can set your bar and get there? So that's one of the first things. Now, the next thing is, how do we overcome our fears? And I have so many people who tell me, Veronica, I'd love to speak in public, but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, or I'm not an expert enough, or I have an accent, or I don't look good on camera. There are so many reasons that hold us back. And to be honest, I know this quite well Well, because it used to be my case too. I only started speaking in public in my early 40s. Up to that point, because I'm an introvert, because English is my second language, I always put myself in the back of the room, didn't speak much, and then I realized that I was really missing an opportunity because of myself. And so the question here is, how do you change the narrative so that instead of being the one who is putting obstacles and hurdles along the way, you become your best ambassador? And this question is gonna be very personal, but really, what's holding you back? And in my case, I can share some of the things that were holding me back, and feel free to put it in the chat if you'd like to share with the group. I used to think that having an accent was an issue, especially having worked in big companies like Apple, Estée Lauder, where there were so many people who were so articulate and so eloquent, and they spoke really well. I felt that they were in a first league and I was in a second league, and so I always doubted myself. I always doubted. How I was going to sound, whether my accent was an issue. And I had to work on this and reframe it and said, no, look, if you have an accent, any one of you in the audience, if you speak English with a second language, good on you, because it means that you speak at least 2 languages and it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, especially if you do it in a language that is not your own. And so that's what I mean by changing the narrative and turning those obstacles around and reframing it. Another one that I get very often is, but I get super nervous. Before I do a public speaking session, whatever that might be. And the reality is we all do. There's this really good saying, I don't remember who the author is, that goes something like this: there are 2 types of public speakers, the nervous and the liars. So we all get quite nervous before we go on stage or before we press the button. And what's really important here in terms of reframing is how you turn that around. Yes, we are nervous, but that also means That we're excited, that we have the adrenaline, that we can be more focused, that we can be energized. And so I tell myself, my inner voice, I say, no, no, Veronica, you are not nervous. You're excited, you're focused, you're motivated, you're 100% ready to give your best. So that's another way that you can use to reframe. Next, I get a lot of people who get so caught up with this idea that it has to be perfect. But what if I don't have the right technology? What if I don't use the right words? And I really wanted to do this session today without makeup in the morning, without a script, I'm walking so that you see that it really doesn't have to be perfect. It's really about coming from a place of, I want to help others. So today my goal is really to help you, Chelsea, Brandon, Ricardo, Charles on the other side of the screen to get something from this. And so teaching this script of it has to be perfect, it really helps to say, no, actually no one is perfect and I don't need to have all the answers. I don't pretend that I have all the answers, but coming from a place of authenticity, it really going to help you get rid of this imposter syndrome. We feel that we're an imposter because we feel that we should be here when in reality we are here. But if I'm very honest and open about, no, this is where I am today, this is what I've done, this is what I've accomplished, these are the challenges that I have, people are really going to resonate and you're not going to come across as an imposter. The problem is when you start pretending and come across as something that you are not. And so that's where I think doing this reframing works extremely well. So this is a little bit about the mindset. What does success look like? What's holding you back? How can you do this inner narrative to quiet the voices that don't help you and use the things that help you? Whenever I start to have like these negative voices, I tell myself, is this going to help me? And if the answer is no, it's like, okay, I don't need you right now. I'm gonna put you on the side. What I need right now is a positive, energetic, optimistic voice that is telling me, you can do this. So have your little mantra, whatever that is. One of the things that I love telling myself, besides it doesn't have to be perfect, is be confident about what you know and humble about what you don't. And this really helps me put myself at ease because it's like, okay, I can be super confident, but at the same time be also very humble about the things that I don't know. So that's a little bit about the mindset. So important. I hope these questions and these pointers give you some direction on how to overcome your own fears, whether it's age, the way that you look, accent, being an introvert. One thing that I can tell you 100%, 100%, is that public speaking is a learned skill. I have done over, I don't know, 50 or 60 live sessions, and every single one gives me a little bit more confidence, gives me a little bit that extra boost, because it's something that you practice just like a muscle, right? We're doing a bit of exercise now. So please go out there. Don't expect it to be perfect, but expect it to be incrementally better every time you show up online. So that's a little bit about the mindset. And the second thing that I wanted to prepare or to talk about now that we've prepared our mindset is how we prepare our body, because we need to have our body and our mind in sync if we really want to boost our confidence as a speaker. And one of the mistakes we make very often is completely forget about our body. We're so focused on my message and what I need to say and the PowerPoint or the slides that we actually forget how important it is to use our body and prepare our body to help us. And I'm going to share a few tips here that have really helped me a lot as a speaker. The very first one is breathing. Intentional breathing. When we are nervous, we start to have our heart pumping high and all of that, and so we actually forget about breathing. So doing Even if it's just 3 deep breaths before you're going to go live, before you're going to go on stage, it really helps you. Breathing, it helps you calm down. It helps you have a little bit of distance, zoom out if needed. So don't forget the breathing routine before, but also while you speak, which is something that I'm trying to do right now so that I don't speak too fast. The second thing, and I love this because I'm a sportswoman, Is exercise. Now, this is something personal. Before I have any public speaking session, I like to go for a workout, ideally a run, because it really helps me be in the zone, have full clarity, and so on. Now, you don't need to go for a full workout, but what I do recommend is that you move a little bit before you're actually gonna speak in public. And the reason why is simply by moving a little bit around, shaking, even going for a short walk, you are gonna start having the blood Releasing oxygen, and that oxygen is going to be pumping to your brain, and that's going to help you be more focused and have more clarity and be sharper. So instead of just being in front of your screen trying to memorize every single word, focus much more on your body and on how to create an environment that is actually going to set you up for success. Next, I can't have it right now, but I usually have a glass of water next to me, and one little tip is warm water. is actually much better than cold water because it's going to help you moisten all the vocal cords. And sometimes, especially when we're not used to talking a lot, we start choking and coughing. So it's actually really good to have a glass of water next to you. Next physical tip that I also find very useful is a little stretch. And I'd like you to check on your posture right now because very often when we spend many hours in front of the computer, we start to go to shrink almost in the chair. It's really important to make yourself bigger. Very often what we do as speakers, especially when we're feeling threatened or insecure, is that we make ourselves small. We make ourselves small on screen, we make ourselves small on stage. Make yourself big, occupy the space, use your presence. Even if you're a smaller woman like me, you can still use your body to fill the room. So don't be afraid and do this stretch that is really going to help you. Set this positive energy for your talk. So this is a little about the physical aspect of speaking in public. And so now we've talked about the mindset, we've also talked about the physical element, and the third one in terms of preparation. So now mind, body, your environment. Focus on the things that you can control. And honestly, you can't do too much about the things that you cannot control, so put those on the side. But one thing that we can control, and I think we don't do often enough is preparing our environments, making sure that we are ready before. What I mean by this is, if you're gonna be going on stage, for example, as a speaker, what I love doing is showing up 1 hour, 90 minutes before the session and looking around, visualizing where are people going to sit, what does a room look like. If I want to engage people, how am I gonna do it? Every piece of information that you can have about the logistics, is going to help you set you up for success. Same with a live session. Dial in a couple of minutes ahead, or whether it's a Zoom call, make sure that you're centered, make sure that you have good lighting, make sure that you have a good angle in the camera. All these things are things that you can definitely control. And very often what's gonna happen is that there are gonna be elements and surprises that you did not expect, whether it's a fireside, a fire truck alarm, whether it's going to be the Technology not working, all these things we cannot prepare for. And so the only thing that we can do is really focus on what is my message. Right now, the great thing is I don't even have a script. So if something goes wrong, well, everything is here in my head. But how you get to the point where you know exactly where you want to take your audience. So preparing the logistics, making sure that you have a backup plan, showing up 5 minutes or 10 minutes or 1 hour earlier if you're doing it with a client, all of these Is going to really set you up for success because at the end of the day, preparation, whether it's in sports like today or whether it's in your business or in life, is gonna go a long way. So with this, we spent a few minutes today together talking about the preparation, mental preparation, physical preparation, logistics preparation. I have a challenge for you. I would love for you to step out of your comfort zone. I only started doing this when I was 42, so age is definitely not an excuse. Accent is also not an excuse. And I'm gonna challenge you to try something that you haven't done, something new, something that has always been intimidating, and take that step because it doesn't have to be perfect. But the great thing is, one, you go for the first step, you're already on the way. So I hope this is useful. I'll do it again next week to focus more on the verbal and nonverbal language. And I send you a big hug from Hong Kong. And now, yes, it's time to go for a run. Bye! Thank you for joining. Eddie, Cindy, Elira, so nice to see you in Australia. Bye, take care everyone. Bye.