V Spot 2025 Week 6

Welcome to the VSpot, your home for the e-com nearly news. It's Valentine's Day and I'm happy to be bringing you these velvet tones from the silver tongue. Just kidding, I sound more like Shane McGowan than ever before. At last it's Friday, what a week. God only knows how we got here, but more than words can say, my message to you is let's stay together. This week's show will be littered with the names of love songs from throughout the ages. The bat-eared among you may have already spotted some. Don't forget, everything I do, I do it for you. We are still, all these weeks later, kindly sponsored by the team at StoreHero, They know what they do, yet they persist anyway. Our hats and our velvet tongue are tipped to you guys this week. Who are StoreHero, I hear you ask. Again, do you not know at this stage? StoreHero are your guides to e-commerce profits. Their platform unifies all of your sales, marketing, and cost data so you have a clear view of exactly how unprofitable you are. They told me to say profitable, but I think unprofitable is probably more accurate. Measure. We heard it on the grapevine that StoreHero are rolling out their new AI toolset in the coming weeks. Watch out, it may be easy to replace you because there is a new StoreHero in town. Just kidding. Every hero has an alter ego, down-to-earth human who keeps it all together. That's you. We got this. Let's do the news. We are bringing you the headlines this week with Valentine's Day in mind. We truly, madly, deeply hope that in the sea of love you enjoy this. After all, as birds of a feather, we stick together. We thought we would add some Valentine's Day musings for you all to consider. So how's it all gonna hang together? We're gonna use an old Facebook game called Hot or Not. We're going to decide what's hot right now what's not so hot. Up first, it's the hot category sponsored by Carly Simon. It's called the 'You're So Vain You Probably Think This Song Is About You' category. And who's hot right now? First up, it's Donald J. Trump. Not for the reasons you might think though. Proof to all kids out there that you don't need school to succeed. In an old report card, we saw he had a D- for algebra, B+ for creative writing— figures— and an F for calculus, but he was voted most likely to say yes even when he heard no. Next up in the hot category, it's denim company Levi's. Who doesn't look good in Levi's? I got some for my birthday this week. I don't look good in them. Last month they had a Shrink to Fit campaign focusing on the fat in the C-suite. Of course, under old DEI policy, you couldn't mention fat and C-suite in the same conversation. Next in the hot category, it's Nike. Yeah, back in the good books after a year of something not so great. You got this. After landing big on the Super Bowl ads front, Nike impressed again with moments of sports stars and regular Joes overcoming moments of self-doubt. My particular favorite was one about this former office exec called John Donahue. Donahue. Donahue. Finally, in the hot category, it's advertising. Nothing says great advertising like ads with no budgets featuring celebrities on primetime TV. Even shitty agencies can get that one right. But we do think the real winners in this were the ad agencies. Fees rocketed and we will forget those ads just as quickly as we've seen them. Yet marketing gurus on LinkedIn are going to tell us about the attention that they gained and the mindshare that they have just won over. That said, in 2024, dude wipes did win the advertising wars when they placed a billboard in the middle of Vegas and told us that all men need a clean tight end. That's a wrap on what's hot right now, folks. Next up, it's the not so hot category, not a category you want to be in. As us self-righteous brothers call it, you've lost that loving feeling. Amazon are taking their day one mentality to all new lows. The S-team were so keen to bring in their RTO policy to life, that's the return to office policy, that they had many people being turned away. Jeff Bezos could not get parking on day one. 2,000 people, 900 parking spaces, he said. Worse yet was to follow in San Fran when the company is so poorly set up it asked people to BYOD. You've heard it, bring your own desk. We love acronyms starting with the letter B. BBQ, BYOB, B or B, but not BYOD. Tone deaf was what one onlooker said. Tone deaf, said the Estine. That's exactly. Finally, in the you've lost that loving feeling category, paper straws. Paper straws, you are so 2020. Paper straws, you are so 2021. We thought you were great initially, but when we heard all about the damage you were doing to the plastic industry, we were grossed out. No shark has ever died from eating a plastic straw that I know of, and we did once see a paper straw spontaneously combust. It's great that we can now enjoy our 128-ounce Big Gulps safe in the knowledge our straw will stand the test of time before we go and get our free refill. And finally, in our Hot or Not Valentine's Day 2025 special, we have a standout special call-out we want to make in our joie de vivre, our love letter to 2025. Yes, it goes out to Hari and the team at Shopify. You were the chocolate at the end of our Cornetto. If you were a love song right now, you would be The Great Defector. Go look it up. Maybe I'll put it in the link. I don't know. It's from an Irish band, Belle Étoile. Earnings— the Shopify earnings call was this weekend. In the post-call video, a tan-looking Harley— how does he have that all year round, tan? I don't know. He really— he talks about discipline and growth with the same vigor as Chuck Rhodes in the early seasons of Billions, where he was more S&M than M&S. Papafite doesn't believe in monogamy but does think in terms of 100-year relationships, so the old truple or group thing is okay. Over 100 years, there's going to be a lot of jilted lovers left at the altar whose ideas you turned into dreams and cast them aside in the pursuit of happiness. But that's okay, right? We love also that you see a mistress in France as the key to your growth. Many politicians before you saw that as the quickest way to the best deal. Lest we forget, there is a little French in many of you Canadians. Fou de fafa. But when history looks back on this Valentine's Day, Friday 14th, 2025, and thinks Shopify, they will think of 50 shades of pay. But Shopify, But Shopify, why you made our hottest list. But Shopify, why you made the hottest of the hot this week. You made what's in our pocket grow more than anyone else this week. But Shopify, why you're the hottest of the hot right now. You made what's in our pockets grow more than anyone else this week. Happy Valentine's Day, Harley. Happy Valentine's Day, Shopify. So there it is, folks, the 6 minutes you're not getting back So there it is, folks, the 6 minutes you're not getting back this week. What a climax that was too. We look forward to welcoming you back to the B-Spot next week, but thankfully it is not Valhalla. Je suis enchanté. Où est la bibliothèque? Voilà ma