3 Ways To Be Unf*ckwithable | Vishen Lakhiani

So I want to share with you a presentation that I recently did at a Fess Aphes is a private mastermind I do. We take about incredible people from 40 something countries and bring them to a really beautiful location where they learn from the world's greatest teachers. Our last A fest was an interesting theme called Biohacking Body and Brain. And I did a presentation there with a slightly unusual title. The title is how to Be Unfriendly with Above. And what's unique about this presentation is that as I was giving it, I realized that many extraordinary teachers in the personal growth space were in the audience. And I started bringing on several teachers to teach key ideas. And these teachers include incredible names. People like Sonia Choquette, Dave Asprey, the Bulletproof Coffee guy, Marissa Peer, whose Mindvalley Academy is like number one highest enrolling author of this past year. And all of these teachers come on and they teach you a really simple idea on how to hack your past, your present and your future. So enjoy this video. It was voted one of the best presentations from our last A fest and I thought I should share it with you over here. Today I'm going to be talking about. I'm going to be talking about how to be unfuckwithable. And you may be wondering, what has unfuckwithability got to do with a fest? Well, let me explain because I swear there is a biohacking element to it. In my book, Code of the Extraordinary Mind, chapter nine is about how to be unfuckwithable. So the book is basically a roadmap to becoming extraordinary. And each chapter is a particular model framework that you can apply in your brain and each of it builds up on the next when you get to chapter nine. The model that we teach is called Unfuck with Ability. And I'll tell you in a moment where that word comes from and what it means. But what I know is this. This is the chapter that gets me the most anger from people who how dare you use that word. I wanted to introduce these books to students, kids, and now I can. But at the same time, it's the chapter that gets the most excitement and raving fans because of what it represents. So first let me share with you where that word comes from. Unfuckwithable is a word that originated on the Internet. I guess nobody really knows where it came from, but in Internet memes it means this. When you're truly at peace and in touch with yourself, nothing anyone says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you. Isn't that beautiful. So all of us, as we grow up, we, through the conditioning of our parents, of our society, of media, we develop these holes within our being. And Unfuckwithable is really about going from these holes to being whole. See, in the book, I share a really interesting story about the time I was a teenager. And this is a classic idea of how, as we go through life, we crave attention, praise, we crave recognition from other people because we, on our own, do not feel complete. I tell a story about how I was in college. Not college, but high school. And I was walking up and I saw the cool kids sitting together. Now, this was 1991. Number one song on the radio was Ice, Ice Baby by this incredible white rapper called Vanilla Ice. Right? Well, back then he was considered a genius. And I see all of these kids, their baseball caps turned backwards, rapping Ice, Ice, baby. Now, to fit in, I had gone and I memorized the entire lyrics. So I came in there, I saw them rapping, and I decided to just cut in and, like, let out that line that I knew. And I completely messed up the line. And then I remember the cool girl in that group who was trying to impress turned to me and goes, jeez, what a nerd. And then she did that thing, you know, where women roll their eyes. And that completely crushed me. I couldn't talk to her for, like, the rest of my teenage years. I couldn't connect with anyone in that group. I was reduced to nerdiness because I could not quote Mr. Vanilla Ice properly. That's it. But here's the funny thing about that. To this day, I'm 40 years old, and that moment was so painful, I. To this day, in my mind, in my mind, I have this thing in my mind where my mind is going, you will never fuck that up again. You will never fuck that up again. So the entire lyrics for Ice, Ice Baby are in my head, right? All right, stop, collaborate and listen. Ice is back with his brand new invention. Something grab ahold of you tightly Flow like a harpoon Deadly and nightly Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know Check out my dance and I'll flow to the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal Light up the stage and writes a chump like a candle all right, stop. That was embarrassing. But you see, it makes no sense. And. And. And I could go on and I could go on and on and on but it makes no sense. Of all the bloody songs I could commit to memory why would I comm that piece of crap? But that's what this desire for approval, for validation makes you do. It makes you do things that often don't make sense. Because you need to feel whole to prove something to someone else. And this is why unfuckwithable is such an important idea. So unfuckwithability is basically extraordinary. Minds do not need to seek validation from outside opinions or through the attainment of the goals. Instead, they are truly at peace with themselves and the world around them. They live fearlessly, immune to criticism or praise and fueled by their own inner happiness and self love. That's what unfuck with ability is. That is law number nine in my book. Now the reason we need to be unfuckwithable is because without this ability, we don't have the skills, the invincibility, the power to go out there and truly pursue, pursue life transforming goals. If we care what other people think of us, good or bad, we limit our abilities. We fear. For example, I did not write my book for many years because I feared what people would think. What if the book sucks? Oh my God, if the book sucks, would people really like continue buying Mindvalley products? I did not get on stage for many, many, many years because I thought, well, you know, what if nobody claps? I remember in college I never asked a girl I liked out for many, many, many years because I was afraid of rejection. Heck, it took me two years to ask my wife out because I was afraid of rejection. And so all of us go through this. This is what causes us to want to dress up in a certain way to get that six pack because apparently it means something to buy certain cars or things or vehicles just so we can compensate for whatever we might find lacking. But the problem with this type of attitude is that the fear limits us. It limits us from really doing epic things. Because to do something big, you got to be prepared for rejection, you got to be prepared for failure. And the bravest people in the world are able to do the incredible things they do because these things do not represent them. The attainment of the goal, the accomplishment, the object, the man or the woman are just nice to haves, but they say nothing about who you are. Now we'll come more to that in a bit. But what I found over the years is that there are three ways to get to the state of unfuckwithable. To get to the state where you know when someone compliments you, you're good with that, but you don't need that compliment. If you give a speech and nobody gives you a standing ovation, you're cool with that. You know, it's not you. It's maybe the speech or it's something you said, or maybe it's the method that you use and you're like, okay, great, I can hack that method. I can improve this way. I can rethink how I give a speech. But it's not you. Too many people make it about themselves, and this is what causes the limitation in how they grow. But just like you are immune to praise, you become immune to criticism. When you write a book, you will see a lot of stupid things people will say about your book on Amazon. Right? But because I'm immune to criticism, I was able to write the book I wanted. My book will piss you off if you are highly into religion. My book will piss you off if you're a Trump supporter. And these people say really negative things about me. The latest I got is that I'm the Antichrist, but I'm okay with that. So right up in the introduction of my book, I say, look, guys, I'm going to let you know right now you're going to love this book or hate this book. Very few are going to be in the middle because I didn't write this book to be. To make. To generate apathy. We do not grow from apathy. We grow from inspiration or we grow from being uncomfortable. So love it or hate it, totally up to you. But this is what I have to say. And when you can. Thank you. And when you can have this attitude, that's when you really get to make a dent in the universe. So the three methods to being unfuck withable. The first method came to me in a very interesting way. So sometime last year, I experienced one of the most awful experiences in my life. I found out that a guy I'd hired in my office in Malaysia, where we have about 140 staff, had been stealing money. Worse. He was a trusted person who was in charge of our operations. He was there to make sure that our employees had proper housing, that air conditioning was running, that massive office in there, 15,000 square feet was running well. But we caught him actually pilfering money. He had created a series of fake companies under his own name or relatives name. And he was paying his own air conditioner repairman, paying his own cleaners. And in the end, he had pocketed $100,000 for himself, right? So it was an awful thing. And when we finally caught him, there were threats. Threats that he was going to have gangsters follow me in my car on the way home. He started disrupting our work, sending the fire engine over, saying that our office was a fire trap. All of this shit started happening, and it was a really, really, really stressful time. But sometimes the world or the universe or God, or whatever you want to call it, gives you these moments of stress so you can rise above them. You know, Michael Beckwith calls these kensho moments. Kensho moments are moments where you grow from pain. Something happens, maybe your health breaks down, you end up in hospital, but you grow from that and you learn to appreciate your body. I was about to have a kensho moment, and that kensho moment happened. Coincidentally, this dude, Dave Asprey, and his friend JJ Virgin, invited me to experience a new type of biohacking model that Dave was promoting called 40 Years of Zen. So I went to this thing, and what they promised was this, what they promised is that you're going to meditate for five days in the chamber. You're going to have your brain hooked up to all of these machines. And the scientists who developed this had found how to reverse engineer, get this, the brainwave states of monks who had been meditating for 40 years. So they looked at monks, psychics, billionaires, and they're like, these are what are in their brains. And they reverse engineer that so that you, you can hook up your brain, and in five days, you can develop the brainwave activity of a monk who has been meditating for 20 to 40 years. So it's a bit incredulous, but I thought, wow, well, with a promise like that, let's try it anyway. Now, I went there, and as I went into the chamber with my brain hooked up, Dave was there too. JJ was there. Joe Polish, some of you guys might know him, was there as well as, like, billionaires, a Hollywood actor. It was a very elite group. They finally shared with us the secret. What were we supposed to do when our brains were hooked up? Now, turned out it wasn't going into an astral projection or lucid dreaming or going into deep states of meditation. Turned out one of the biggest things these scientists found to get your brain to function like the brains of monks who have been meditating for 20 years. And by the way, that's what the hookup looks like was this one thing, radical forgiveness. And so I had to forgive everything. I had to forgive, like, I mean, I love my kids. I had to forgive my kids for little moments in the past where they irritated me while I was trying to work. Had to forgive my mom and dad for, like, the slightest thing. I had to forgive every friend I knew. I had to forgive people who had genuinely hurt me. I had to forgive everyone. I had to forgive myself, younger versions of myself. I had to Forgive myself from 10 years ago when I made a bad business decision that cost me $3 million. I had to forgive and forgive and forgive. And this was four days of forgiveness. And finally I came to that one guy, let's call him Mr. X. That one guy. This had just happened and I was so angry with him, it was so painful. And I had to forgive him. And I saved him for last because I'm like, no, it's going to be so tough. This guy threatened my family. He stole from my company. He was someone who used my trust of him to take advantage of me. And I had to forgive him into love. Now, here's the thing. It's not just forgiveness. It was forgiveness into love. That means at the end of that forgiveness session, you must be able to picture this person who hurt you so bad coming to you. And you must be able to hug them and feel empathy and understanding for what they went through. And so I had to forgive Mr. X. I had to see, why did he do what he did. Maybe his parents were poor and maybe theft was the only way his family could survive. Maybe his wife was sick, maybe he was ill, maybe he had an ill child and that's why he needed that. Maybe he was abused as a kid. And I had to imagine all the ways just why he would justify what he did. And I had to be empathetic to him. But here's the crazy thing. When your brain is hooked up like that, it's measuring your brain waves. It's measuring two things. Basically, alpha amplitude. So the higher your alpha spikes, the more monk like your brain is. And brain wave resonance. So the more balanced your brain, that means you're not alpha on just one end, you're alpha in both hemispheres again. The more ideal your brain. And all of a sudden, as I forgave Mr. X, I heard the loudest beep so far. They use sounds to tell you how well you're doing. I opened my eyes and there was my score. And it was the highest alpha amplitude score I'd ever generated. It was amazing to see with my own eyes what forgiveness could do in my brain. And that was liberating for me. Now, the next year, as I got rid of all of my doubts, all of my forgiveness, the next year ended up being the single most successful year of my life. And my. My life had always been successful, always growing like that. But the next year, it spiked. I Had the book come out. This is the most successful a fest we've ever done. Mindvalley just exploded. My health, my happiness levels, everything just spiked because I was able to shed 40 years of pain, of things I had to forgive myself and other people around me for. And that's why forgiveness is so important. So you guys ready to learn this exercise? Now, when I teach you this exercise, it's not going to be as powerful as what you will learn in the lab, Right? But what I want to do in this particular presentation is I'm going to teach you three techniques to be unfuckwithable. The first technique is radical forgiveness. And as it turned out in my book, in chapter nine, I talk about the three people I learned unfuck with ability from, and it is Dave Asprey, Marisa Peer, Sonia Choquette. Today morning, I was having breakfast, and I realized all of them happened to be here. So I changed this presentation, and I wanted to involve them as well, because they were the people I learned from. And I really believe in honoring your teachers. So first up, I'd like to invite Mr. Dave Asprey on stage. Dave, get up here. So, Dave, since you 40 years of Zen is kind of your thing, I'd love to, just for, like, three or four minutes, tell the audience what's going on there.

You did a great job of explaining the radical forgiveness thing. Remember when I talked about that meat operating system yesterday, that Labrador in your head? And I talked about how it's faster than you? That's annoying. Well, this is a trap for the Labrador, because when you're at 40 years of Zen, you're going to sit there and you're going to say, I forgive this person, whatever it is. And the Labrador is going to say, if you forgive this person, you'll die. Just like if you don't ejaculate, you'll die. Same kind of thing. And you're going to believe the Labrador because you're human, and its job is to sit between you and your experience of the world. The only problem is now you have a computer watching you, and the computer says, nope. So every time your meat operating system lies to you, you will know because your score goes down. So you're going to say, I forgave Mr. X. And what's going to actually happen is you're going to have to do it. And when you do it, you might throw up, you might cry. In fact, no one's ever gone through the training without doing one of those two things, because it's scary when you have to do that. But what you end up doing is this massive wipe. So a lot of the brules that you have, wherever they came from, some of them are taught, but a lot of them are taught by traumas. And you go through and you forgive people. So I've gone through and done this more than once with increasing levels of difficulty in different settings for my brain. And after the first time, the voice in my head turned off. So many of those things that are happening there, those are all your body trying to protect you from things that it perceives as death. Like the girl who rejected you, right? Lack of love, not part of the tribe. You might be alone, a tiger might eat you, you might die. Like, our bodies are so dumb, but that's really there. And in your case, you also had the species won't propagate because there was, like, a mating thing going on there. Again, double risk of death. Our bodies are so dumb, but they're still useful. And what this is is simply a way for you with electrodes to see when you are being deceived by your meat so that you can be in charge of it. One of the things that I did here in terms of radical forgiveness, about two years after I got started with Bulletproof, I helped a lot of people, and including a relatively famous comedian podcaster, when one of his friends decided to start a competing company and try and steal my company out from under me. Basically, it went from Dave Asprey's helped me so much to Dave Asprey's a scumbag lying, really just an attack on my credibility and on me as a human being from nowhere, for no reason that I could discern. And normally it would have just been like, let me see. There's an answer for this. You kind of. Right. But it really. It kind of caught me off guard. And for several months, I was, like, losing sleep over this. I'm like, what did I do? And so I went back in, and I found that there was something happened in first grade where I was unfairly accused of something some other kid did. And it really stuck with me. I didn't remember this. It put a program, an automated program, in my MEAT operating system. So I went back and I did exactly this radical forgiveness that Vishen is teaching you. I dropped it, and it energetically changed my relationship with the situation. And now I don't even want to flip the gap. I just don't care. It lost all of its charge. For me, that was a really big thing. But that's because I've already gone through all of the things that happened, including I was born with a cord wrapped around my neck, which meant that I came into the world thinking I was about to die, which is really kind of bad, because if you see the world that way, we heard from Eric about what stress does to you. Well, you're stressed all the time. If you think the world is set up to try and kill you, you can change that sort of thing too, but only when you can see it. And then you decide you want to change it once you can see it. But actually knowing that you changed it for me, only happened when I had a computer telling me, okay, you got it this time, versus you almost got it, or you thought you got it, or you told yourself you got it or you're supposed to have gotten. And all the things we do to deceive ourselves, it just wipes that out of the way. I don't know if that explained it for you, but yeah.

Thank you, Dave. So thanks. So, Dave, thank you so much for sharing that. Some of you guys will want to know more about 40 years of Zen don't leave for lunch. Dave will be staying back over here to answer questions on that method if you decide you want to experience this process as well. But let me tell you some really interesting things about your brain on forgiveness. So this particular professor Zhu Zheng of Erasmus University at Rotterdam School of Management, they did studies in forgiveness, right? They found that after you forgive something that happened in the past, interesting things happen to your body. For example, vertical jumps, your ability to jump vertically, you can actually jump higher after you forgive. We don't know why it works, but it works. People who were asked to march up and down a hill report that the hill seemed less challenging after they did a simple few minute forgiveness exercise. Now, the exercise itself that is done in 40 years of Zen is super simple. I now do it every morning. Every morning I forgive something and you wouldn't believe it, but even a waiter who rubs you the wrong way, that negativity stays with you. So every morning I clear myself of all negativity. Now, those of you who do the six phase meditation, which is that meditation program I popularized, phase three is what? It's forgiveness, right? And this is basically what you do. Now, we won't be doing it live in this group because some people will break down, some people will be really, really, really uncomfortable. But interesting things happen when you practice this. For example, when I was at 40 years of Zen, we had one fellow participant with us, and this person was having a really tough time forgiving he had to forgive a family member who had sexually abused him while he was, like, 10 years old. And that had really, really, really messed him up. Imagine, right, if a family member does that to you at 10. Now, he was having a tough time forgiving this family member. Forgiving and forgiving and forgiving. And now he was, like, in his 50s, but he still had to forgive for something that happened 40 years ago. And an interesting thing happened the very next morning. So we were in day two, the very next morning, we were heading to the lab, and he showed me a video on his iPhone. And he's like, vishen, I cannot believe this just happened. Remember I was telling you about that family member who abused me when I was 10? Out of the blue, the family member just sent me a video of himself apologizing. It just happened. It's as if reality shifted when this person forgave his family member. It was really bizarre. It happened within 48 hours of that forgiveness ritual. So you may not. You may think you know it's all happening in your head, but perhaps at a deeper level, something more profound is happening. That's why phase three of the six phase meditation is dedicated to forgiveness. Now, the exercise itself looks like this. Okay? You spend a minute or two minutes, no more than that, thinking and feeling the anger. And the anger can be for yourself, for something you did in the past, for something someone did to you in the past. You spend two minutes feeling that, then you stop. Then you see a younger version of yourself or the person who abused you or wronged you in front of you. And you try to develop empathy for them. Ask them, you know, try to think for yourself what made them do it. Did they face abuse as a kid? Did they experience something really bad? Were they simply mistrained? Two ideas have really helped me. One is a quote from Neale Donald Walsh in his book Conversations with God. He says, I have sent you nothing but angels. Every person who enters your life, little, small or big, good or bad, is a fellow angel there to teach you something. So I find that thinking about that philosophy helps. Another philosophy I think of is the phrase hurt people, hurt people. Which simply means that everybody who hurts you is doing it because at some level, they will hurt themselves. They're just passing it on. But you have the ability to cut that cord and stop the hurt so you don't continue passing it on. Think about human history, right? And how nations fight nations fight nations, fight nations for generations because of this crazy idea. Hurt people, hurt people. But when we can forgive, we can move on. So in that second part of that exercise, you feel empathy. Bill Bullet said, knowledge is the lowest form of learning. Empathy is the highest form of learning. Empathy means you can see things from another person's point of view and really seek to understand them. Empathy is one of the greatest forms of intelligence we can develop. So in that second part, that's all you do, and you forgive into love. At the end of it, you see yourself hugging this person, and that's all it takes. Now, it doesn't mean you'll forgive someone immediately for certain acts. It could take years. But this is the first step, and you never know how powerful this can be until you try. So let's go on to the second exercise, the second hack. So if forgiveness is number one, the second exercise that creates this change is realizing you are enough. Okay? So forgiveness helps you deal with your past. Now, we are talking about how to fuel yourself so that you can create a really remarkable future. And this particular idea I learned from this woman, Marisa, up here. So one year ago at a fest, Marissa came on stage and she gave us one of the most beautiful speeches I've ever listened to. It was called the Greatest Disease Afflicting Humanity. You can still Google that on YouTube. And that great disease afflicting humanity was simply the idea that you are not enough, that you need something more to be enough. And Marissa shared a simple exercise that involves lipstick and a mirror. It's nothing kinky, don't worry. But this exercise has transformed so many lives. And I'd like to invite Marisa on stage to share this simple idea with you. For those of you who haven't heard it yet, Marisa.

So you probably know the story. I hope you do. If you watched the talk about when I was working in LA and they call me the terrorist therapist when I work on sets because I get results that no one else gets. And they had this very difficult movie star who was about to leave and ruin everything. And they said, look, just go down to Beverly Hills and work with him. Do whatever it takes. But I had a whole list where I went, Mustn't put my car on his drive because it wasn't a Jaguar. Anyway, I went along. I shortcut the story because my patients teach me so much more than I teach them. So I met this very cranky celebrity who hated his massive, amazing mansion, hated his neighbors, hated his four wives. He was just divorcing the fourth one and was telling him he'd been in every rehab and he'd seen every shrink and no one helped him. I Went, oh, I know what's wrong with you? And he's like, really? That fast? I'm like, oh, yes, you just don't think you're enough. And he's like, wow. Anyway, big tears came out of his eyes and he went from cranky to totally vulnerable. And he told me a bit about his life and I don't need to tell you that now because you can watch it, but it was really fascinating that everything that hurt him. He had four wives, they all disappointed him. He went from mansion to mansion, Jaguar to Ferrari to Porsche, they all disappointed him. He had an eating problem and a drinking problem and a terrible anger problem. And so I said, listen, this is my prescription, if you'd like to take it. Well, this is my diagnosis of you, should you like to hear it. You don't think you're enough. And here's the prescription. Should you like me to cure you. Write it all over your house. So he had loads of XYs and lots of lipsticks. I went around his house and I wrote it everywhere, wrote it in eyeliner too. And I said, you've got to say that every day because it will cure you really fast. And I met him a few weeks later on my lot, and he went, oh, my God, that's like. That's changed my life, you know, I've lost so much weight, I'm dating a hairdresser, I've got a mini. He said, it's like amazing how far reaching I'm enough is. It's just like, incredible. Why did none of my doctors tell me all I had to do every day was go, I'm enough? I'm like, well, I'm working on that. And I am working on it. This year I'm actually addressing the Royal College of Surgeons in the uk, which is incredible because they say, how do you fix people in an hour? We say people for 10 years. Recently, I got sent a girl who was so suicidal no one could help her. And I got sent this major criminal who's actually quite charming, as major criminals often are, but also wanted to kill himself. And he goes, yeah, I'm going to top myself. I'm just waiting for my mom and dad to die, then I'm going to kill myself and my best friend who set up a robbery in my house. And I'm like, well, maybe you could just start to think you're enough. That's hard when you're a criminal because you've done so much bad. But he was in so much pain and he was born into a family of Criminals. And I turned him around in an hour. He went off. He donated all this money to old people's homes, babe. He goes, I'm happy. I ain't never been happy in my life. I don't know what you've done, but I'm happy. I'm not even a criminal anymore. I'm giving it all away. And it was so lovely. And what's happened now is that dog come to me. And I'm starting to train them. I've got my own school called the Maricopia Method. And I have mental hospitals saying, we're writing, I'm enough on the ward. It's incredible. People don't come in. I go, oh, I like butterflies. Oh, I saw a nice bee. They go, I'm enough. And we're turning over our patients more quickly. So in my school, I've invented this thing called role, function, purpose. And I put people in hypnosis and go, right, I'm going to click my fingers and you're going to tell me the role, function and purpose. Why do you hoard stuff? Why are you bulimic? Why are you sleeping with 20 other women when you've got this gorgeous wife? You know, they all say the same thing. I ask them, and they go, I'm not enough. I need all this stuff. I'm not enough. That's why I hoard. They don't know until I make them say it. Oh, yeah, I'm. I worked with this guy that had the most beautiful wife, and he would go and sleep with prostitutes almost every day, knowing that she was going to find out because, yeah, but I'm not enough. I'm not worthy of her. My mother didn't love me. I need every woman in the world to love me, including all these hookers who actually couldn't care less about him. But they were very clever, going, oh, my favorite client. Oh, yes, you're the only one I have an orgasm with. And they believe that stuff. It's like, no, when you feel you're enough, you don't need to do that. I keep buying stuff. I buy friends. And so doctors will say to me, I don't understand how you're fixing someone in an hour that I've seen for 10 years. And I say, listen, this is an absolute truth. The common denominator of every emotional issue comes from not thinking you are enough. I work with heroin addicts who always go back to that. And the beautiful thing is that when you take them back to the source and go, look, this is the cause of all your Problems, you can fix it. And recently I was teaching my class, and I had a girl in hypnosis, and I said, okay, I'm going to click my fingers. You're going to go back to the cause of all your problems. I said to my class, here it comes. Cause I knew. And she said, oh, I don't feel good enough. I've never felt good enough. And if you look at the Philip Seymour Hoffmans of the world, Amy Winehouse, Princess Diana, Heath Ledger, with all that beauty and talent and money, if they don't think they're enough, which is the cause of all their problems, then how do you think ordinary people cope? But there is a cure. And the cure is to say every day, I am enough. You say it in the shower. What else are you going to say in there? Oh, I've run out of soap. You might as well. You say it when you're in the car. Write it all over your house. People come into my house and go, what's that? I go, that's my movement. And they go home. And even my plumber goes, I've done that. My plumber actually said to me, do you think I could write that in the mirror of every bathroom I'm fixing? Because it's changed my life and my son's life and my wife's changed. No, not yet, but one day soon. And I've now got a cosmetic company about to give me lipsticks with I'm enough written on it to give to people. Yeah, it's amazing. And people send me this in every language. They send it me in Creole in every language. So if you want to change your life and change the people's lives around you, tell yourself, you're enough every day, write it on your wall. One of my clients recently said that his little girl came up and said, daddy, why have you put that on the wall? And he said, well, I want you to go through life thinking you're enough. And then she came back and said, daddy, I want you to promise me you will never, ever take that off the wall. So if you all do that for one person, it has a fantastic ripple effect. So write it on your mirrors. Tell yourself. Tell your children. You know, I'm sorry to go on a bit, but recently somebody wrote to me and said that their little girl was at school. And of course, our greatest fear is to be rejected. And all the kids were rejecting this new kid. And she went up and said to her, you're enough, you know, and everyone's going to be your friend. You just got to keep saying, you're enough and don't let that in, that they're all hurting. Then she went to the kids and went, she's enough. She should come and play with us. Because my mummy told me it's very important that we all think we're enough. And that stopped the whole bullying. And I've now got schools also doing this. I'm enough. I'm very proud of it. But I want you all to take it on board because it changes people's lives.

And all it takes is lipstick and a mirror.

Yeah.

Which writing that down. At a fest. At a fest. One year ago, after the A fest and Marissa's speech, we received so many photos of people taking pictures of their mirrors and their lipstick on it. Even men. I don't know how men figured out how to buy lipstick with the words I am enough on it. It was such a beautiful thing to see. Thank you, Marissa.

So please do it. It will change your life and everyone else's.

Thank you so much. So think about it. Think about it this way, right? How to be unfuckwithable. Three simple tools we're giving you now. The first tool on forgiveness is about facing your past. It's about looking at the shit that happened to you in the past and being able to heal that so that you can move on now. You're unattached to your past. What Marisa just shared, a lot of it is about the future. It's about writing a new future for yourself where you are enough so you can go out there and not give a damn about criticism or judgment or how people think about you. Now, this means that you can do what needs to be done to fulfill your mission in life without fearing other people's opinion. You can accept praise. That's good, but you don't need the praise. You can look at criticism and just see it as a simple way to improve without seeing that criticism as a wound into your own soul. So you have the past, you have the future. Now I want to teach you the third hack. And this third hack I learned from another really remarkable teacher who just happens to be here at a fest. And this remarkable teacher is Sonia Choquette. Sonia, please come on stage. Thank you, Sonia. So let me just quickly tell them what I learned from you. Okay? What I learned from Sonia is basically how to be unfuckwithable in the present. As you go through life, things will happen. Someone will cut you off in the road. You might end up in an argument with someone you care about. Your kid may drive you nuts. And you might face stress. And in my book, I talk about this particular moment when I was writing the book, when I just come back from a trip with the family. I had 400 emails I had to answer. Like, in two days, I was taking my family out for lunch. The kids were not eating. My kid had ordered the first Philly cheesesteak sandwich he had ever seen. And then he refused to eat it because it had this weird thing called cheese and steak. And so I remembered this technique from Sonia, and she's going to teach you this technique to just ground myself and reduce all forms of stress or anxiety in the present. Remember what Eric at Meadi said? Stress is nothing more than piece of information to your body that it needs to kill itself. So you want to be able to free yourself from all stress instantly. And this is such a simple technique that works its wonder.

Okay, hello everybody. It's a pleasure. And I want to just add one more little thing about stress and about energy is that we don't talk about it enough. But we're very sentient beings energetically, and we absorb often what isn't even ours is this collective frequency that fills us up and that keeps us from being able to be centered and grounded. And what we need to have to be centered and grounded is space. Space inside, room to breathe, I call it. So one of the techniques that is so simple is, I'll just call it sort of a minute of mindfulness. When you feel overwhelmed, when you're having what I call psychic attack, when you're not grounded, when you can't quite feel that state of centeredness or presence. Bring your attention to something right in front of you, wherever you are, whatever you're looking at. If you're sitting at a table, look at the table and breathe in through the nose and study it. There's a fork on the table or a glass on the table. Notice it. Pay attention. Because stress is when your mind is paying attention to everything except what's right in front of you. And you have power when you pay attention to the moment. Right now, it's not complicated. In fact, it's so deceptively simple that your intellect might dismiss it. I want it to be more interesting. I want it to be more complex, because I'll feel more intelligent. But if you can override that and just stay with it for a moment, just breathe in and study. So even now, instead of writing, look at your pen, take a breath, trust that in this moment. And actually don't close your eyes, open them and study what's right in your hand or study. Exactly. Notice the edges, notice the color. Notice if you're holding your breath while you're doing that. And if you are, just ah. And it'll help if you just open your jaw until you hear a little click in the ear and you'll feel that breath drop in a little bit deeper. Just allow yourself to have this moment and not fear that giving yourself this moment will deprive you of a future moment that you'll need. This moment stretches time, gives you space and allows you room to breathe. And that's a practice of mindfulness you can take anywhere, anytime. Eyes open, be present, open the jaw, even that quiets the brain. Little room to breathe and study what's right in front of you. Because it's this moment, this power, this presentation where all the most important decisions are made. So it's a simple one.

And that's it. Thank you so much, Sonia. Thank you. Now, you can see that what you're learning right now is really to biohack your consciousness, biohack your soul. But every single thing you you're learning here has profound implications on your body. Everything proven by science. We spoke about healing the past through forgiveness. And as that scientist I shared from the University of Rotterdam showed you, for some bizarre reason, it improves your biology. Forgiveness improves your biology. It makes you stronger. New studies are even showing forgiveness helps heal back pain. And forgiveness helps your heart function better. It's interesting to note that that lightning the load on the heart literally helps it work better. And then you learn Marisa Pearce techniques on feeling enough so that you can go forth into that future and really do epic shit. And again, studies have shown that self esteem, healthy self esteem, create really beautiful new things in your body in terms of health and increases in wellness. And what Sonia spoke about is the present. Some of you might recognize that exercise as mindfulness. There are over a thousand studies at this point that show that mindfulness does everything from increased longevity to reduce the odds of you having heart disease, to even replacing Viagra. So everything you just learned here is not just a way to hack your consciousness, hack your soul, but in every sense of the word, in literal sense of the word. These are mental models that you can put into your life that fundamentally change your body scientifically. Now, as we wrap up, all I want you to remember is to remember it in this sequence. The past. Hack your past with forgiveness. Hack your present with Sonia Choquette's be present exercise. Hack your future with Marissa Pearce. I am enough model of seeing yourself now, as I was sharing this with people at a fest about a year ago. Someone in the crew, a cameraman by the name of Al Ibrahim, and Al may be in the audience now. Al asked Marissa a really interesting question that I wanted to share with you. Al said, you know, I don't get it. If we are enough, if we are all secure with who we are, what's going to push us? What's going to light that fire under our ass to actually go out there and do things and build things and move our butts, Won't we just want to sit on the sofa and be damn pleased with ourselves? Would you like to know the answer to this question? So I want to share with you an exact quote on the paradox of being unfuckwithable from the book. And this actually comes from Marissa. I'm going to read it out to you. If you sit on the couch all day and do nothing, it is precisely because you don't think you're enough. You're afraid. You're afraid of failure. You're afraid of rejection. You're afraid that these things will be proof positive you indeed are not enough. So you do nothing. But if you believe that you are enough, that's when you take action. That's when you go out and try something new. That's when you apply for that job you really want. That's when you ask for that raise. Because you are enough. And even if you fail, you won't take rejection personally. Because it's not you. You are enough. So it must be your methods or your approach or skill or whatever. And because you know you are enough, you know you can then improve these methods and skills and your approaches and try again. Do you see how powerful that idea is? So as you step forth in this world, I want you to remember three things. And if you apply these three models in your life, people, everything changes. These models have helped me make the last year among the most successful years of my life. But notice how simple they are. You do not have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars learning them. In fact, the illusion is their simplicity. It is simple to forgive. It doesn't happen overnight. But with practice, as I've shared in my stories, you can forgive even the most vile crimes that have happened to you. And it's directly within yourself you forgive. People think you need to get the other person to forgive you. No, it's within your own power to forgive. It is a choice you can make. You can feel enough. No one can do that to you. But you can hack your brain through the right techniques to train your brain to make you be enough. All of us are born as kids feeling enough. Society is what pokes the holes into us. But you can reverse that with the right technique, and it can happen incredibly fast. And the third one is simply be present. You can do that. You can do it right now. You can do it over lunch, you can do it on the cruise today. It is that easy. And when you do this. Welcome to UN Fuck with ability. Thank you.