Find Love and Heal Fertility Blocks with Marisa Peer Hypnosis | The Mindvalley Podcast | Ep #54

Late Princess Diana, what do you think was her biggest blocker for happiness?

Being rejected. You know, imagine your mother leaving you. You know, you're a kid and your mother leaves and goes and lives with her boyfriend. Diana said, you know, I married a prince because I knew he could never leave me.

The world renowned psychologist, bestselling author and award winning speaker, I'm honored to have Marisa Peer with me. She is the founder of rapid transformational therapy known as rtt. And she's now certifying thousands of people.

Around like being pregnant, expecting to have a miscarriage. The statistics go up when you think like that. For a Muslim girl who said, oh my God, when I thought I was pregnant, my dad would have killed me. My mom would have killed herself. Wow. Fifteen years later, she's married to a wonderful man and can't get pregnant because of this memory, because she had already.

Connected pregnancy with fear. Is there any form of RTT that can help people with fertility?

Yeah. First of all, do not say I'm trying. The word trying is a misdirection. There's no commitment with the wor. Try. If you believe relationships don't last, you're going to act in a way that makes them don't last or you're going to pick someone that's never going to last with. So the biggest blocker in any relationship is the.

I wanted to ask if you would be kind enough to gift our soul sisters with tooth hypnosis for soulmate blockers and baby blockers. I encourage all of our lovely soul sisters out there who are trying to.

Get pregnant to listen to this is making a baby. You just said it goes trying to get pregnant.

You're right. The world renowned psychologist, bestselling author and award winning speaker. I'm honored to have Marisa Peer with me. She is the founder of rapid transformational therapy known as rtt. And she's now certifying thousands of people around the world. She's helped over hundreds of thousands of people, including celebrities, sports stars and royalties with their mental health. And now I have her with me. Marissa, thank you so much for being here today.

It's lovely to be here.

I'm really excited. Like, I personally always wanted to take a deep dive into psychology, spirituality, hypnotherapy and all the amazing things that you're sharing with the world. And you've touched so many lives. And I've heard from many, many people on how transformational the work they've done with you has been for them, whether it's their business, their care Careers, their personal lives. So what made you start working in the field of psychology?

You know, I was always. I wanted to be a school teacher. That was always my ambition. And I trained to be a school teacher. But then I realized it wasn't for me, I guess because you can only you can impact a lot of children. But I think I wanted something more. And then I went to work for Jane Fonda in California, teaching aerobics. And I loved that. It was very different from being a school teacher in England. But when I was working for Jane, she had an eating disorder. And I would say, every third woman in Jane Fonda's work has an eating disorder. And I was amazed at looking and thinking, wow, you know, this is a mental health problem, eating disorders. But they're trying to treat it with aerobics and Nautilus and working out. And I knew that there must be another way. And actually, I lived in West Hollywood. One of my roommates was bulimic and one was anorexic. And that's almost normal there. I remember thinking, this is such a strange world. Eating disorders are totally normal in la. I mean, you know, you live there, everyone's on a diet. Everyone's taking swimming pills, everyone's living on diet coke, diet yogurt, diet everything. And then I found hypnosis almost by mistake, and it was so powerful. The first person I worked with was my anorexic flatmate, who stopped being anorexic, then my bulimic flatmate. And then, of course, I was working for Jane as one of her best teachers. I could just take all my clients straight out of her classes. So I had a business that just took off stratospherically immediately. And I was very happy. I would have just done that for years. We would ring up and go, hey, you know my neighbor, you cured her bulimia. But I have a fear of elevators, I've got a fear of bees, and I only want to see you. So I stopped specializing and branched out, and I loved it all. And then I was asked to work on a lot of television shows because I guess that's just an L. A thing. They go, hey, you know, could you work behind the scenes? And then so I went from seeing clients to working on television. And then I wrote some books because I had such a great audience. And then I became a speaker. And then I finally went full circle and became the teacher I was supposed to be because I created my own training. And we're now the biggest training of therapist group in the whole world. We've got the largest training group. We've trained 19,000 therapists in this amazing technique that's very powerful, but also rapid. You know, it works really fast. So it's been an amazing journey, and I love every minute of it.

What is rapid transformational therapy?

Well, it's very different to talk therapy, where I'd say to you, tell me how you're feeling and how does that make you feel? And I'm not here to bash up talk therapists, but talk therapy is. I think it's had its moment. You know, it was invented in the 60s when we had a lot of time. And I think people now don't have every Wednesday at three to go and talk to their therapist. Because there's something called hebb that says if you go to therapy for too long, it actually has a counter effect. And all therapists say this, but it's about the relationship. You know, we're gonna build a relationship. But no doctor says that. No dentist, no chiropractor says, oh, I can't fix your leg till I get to know you. I can't fix your teeth until we got a relationship going. And I don't think that's necessary. I think when you're good and people know you're good, they don't need a relationship. I don't form a relationship with my clients. I just help them get better and really, really fast. Because people turn up and they've got one question. Can you take me out of pain today? And that could be the pain of having migraines because you're tense or irritable. It could be the pain of not finding love or always self sabotaging your business or feeling not good enough. And I think when you're in pain, it's no different to going to A and E in pain. You want to get out of pain. People don't go to A and E and go, hey, I'm in pain. Let's form a relationship with the bone doctor, and then he can fix my broken leg. They just fix you. I never understood why therapy doesn't just fix you. So I didn't want to build the relationship. I wanted to get people better from the very first session. So I created something called rapid transfer. I got a lot of abuse about it too, but I didn't really care. People said, you know, this is wrong. The words rapid should never go in front of therapy. It's a long, painful journey. But why is it? Who said that? And the whole point of therapy is you question a bit. Who said that? Is it True? Is it true for you? Does it have to be true? We all have a story, and part of therapy is just because someone told you that or you heard that or you believed that. It doesn't have to be like, we're told that our fertility falls off a cliff when we're 35. If you go for an X ray in the UK, on the form it says, this is client between the age of 13 and 52. If so, make sure they're not pregnant. So it can't fall off a cliff at 35. If you have that written on an X ray form.

Wow. What does that mean?

Means that before you give that client an X ray, you must say to them, are you pregnant? Because if they're pregnant, you know, you obviously have to put the apron on them to X ray. Correct, Correct. So therefore they're saying women, even at 52, can still be pregnant. I mean, that's quite not common. Correct. But, you know, 45, 46, 47, 48, women are still getting pregnant, but they're told, oh, no, your fertility is falling off a cliff.

Is it true?

Is that true? I don't know if it's true. Because if you look back in history when Irishmen were having 18 children, the pioneers going across America having 18, they didn't start when they were 11. So if you imagine, okay, logically, nobody was getting married at 14, so a woman would probably have her first baby at 17, and then add 18 years to that, that takes you to 45. So then we know that 100 years ago, when we were having babies at 45, and now we're healthier, we're fitter, we have a biological age, a chronological age, and our biological age is younger. And a lot of women are having babies in their 40s, and it's almost becoming normal now. And I think it's certainly true that your peak fertility is probably in your 20s to 30s. But I think women have always had babies in their 40s, and we shouldn't make them think that that's impossible, because it's not. I know. It never has been.

I know that you were personally told that you won't be able to conceive and you didn't even have your periods.

For a long time. I could never have children at 17. I was told I would never be able to get pregnant. And if I could get pregnant, I could never carry a baby to full term. And if I did carry, it would have so many things wrong with it. So I was given three diagnosis, you can't get pregnant, you can't carry a baby to full term, and if you can, you'll have a deformed baby. And none of that was true. I got pregnant at a perfect pregnancy, had a perfect baby. And that's when I realized you've got to be very careful what you let. I mean, doctors are great people, of course they are, but they do sometimes tell you terrible things. You know, when I had cancer, I was so shocked. I had cancer because I felt really well. And I said to my doctor, will it come back? And she went, it knows where you live, it has your address. Yes, it will come back. What a terrible thing to tell someone. She literally knocked on the table and said, it has your address, it knows where you live. It will come back. She wasn't a bad doctor. She was very nice, but told me something really terrifying. And if I hadn't understood this, do not let that in, I would have been waiting for it to come back. Because my doctor said, well, it has your address, it knows where you live. Yes, it will come back. My sister also, we had the same cancer at the same time as her doctor. She said, well, yeah, well, if it does come back, that's the terror time. Because when it comes back, then it becomes impossible to fix it, which is also not true. So we have to love and respect and admire doctors, but also think, does this help me to hear this? Is this useful to me at all? Does this benefit? Am I going to let this in? Because I heard a voice in my head when I was told I couldn't get, get pregnant saying, do not let that in. When I had cancer, I heard the same voice going, don't let that in because the doctor is going to fix you. But it's up to you what you let in and what you do. And we have so many amazing ways now of healing ourselves alongside medical help. And I think, you know, if you want to survive an illness, get cantankerous, difficult per patient written on your notes. So what's that for? What does that do? What are the side effects? Do I need that? You know, don't just blindly go in and go, okay, here I am, here's my illness. Fix me. Participate in your recovery. You know, be response able. Response able means able to respond. Responsibility means an ability to respond. Get involved and say, well, what could I do? And don't just go in there and passively give yourself to the medical profession.

So you, you, you think we should not believe the prognosis.

You know, prognosis is a very weird, aren't they? When I was at school they said to me, if you do heavy petting. Not me, but the whole class, if you do heavy petting and the guy's there and without penetration, a sperm can swim out there and get you pregnant. But they also said when I couldn't get pregnant. We know you need 100 million sperm to conceive. Oh, but I was told when I was 14 that just one could. Oh, no, your husband's got a low sperm count. You need ivf, you need icsi. But I was also told, but one sperm could do it because you really just only do need one. So you'll always find in the medical profession this confusion. You'll hear one thing, then you'll hear another thing. We need this. We don't need this. This is, you know, in Covid, they're going, oh, this is Covid is awful. There's no line of defense. Hello. There is. It's called your immune system. No one said, hey, you know, in Covid, you know, build up your immune system. You know, eat well, do proper breathing, laugh a lot, get some exerc, take responsibility for your immune system. Build your immunity. We know that orgasms, laughing, fresh air, exercise, so many things boost immune. Not one doctor came out and they said, take the vaccine, you know, and put on a mask and stay in. Because this is terrifying. Which is somewhat true. But there's also another side. Be responsible for your own immune system. Build it up. Don't live in fear, because fear is the worst thing for your immune system and being positive is one of the best. The immune system doesn't like fear, terror, anxiety. It's why when you're anxious, you tend to get sick. When you're madly in love and happy, you can be around sickness and you just don't get it.

Yes. When you say we should be response able.

Yeah.

When patients come to you, if two people have the exact same condition and one wants to get better and is responsible and one is not, how does that affect your work?

Well, my work is never about blaming anyone for anything. It's about looking back. It's about never saying what's wrong with you, saying what happened to you. Here we've got somebody with chronic migraines and we do an amazing thing in RTT called role function, where we go back and have a look at what is the role of the migraines. And I worked with a girl who was having injections in her head. She had terrible. And she said, you know, from the minute I was like six, I was told, you're going to take over the law firm. You know, you're here, you're only child. I never wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to be a dj. And my father said, no, no, no, you know, we put you through private school and you must take over this business. Then I got migraines, and he began to go, oh, there's no way you can take over this business. I mean, you couldn't even be a waitress. You got chronic migraines. And you see, this is the genie your wish, is it? So when you say something like, oh, God, I don't want that job, I don't want that, the mind will come up with a very effective way of fixing it. So after we did this session, and she realized that the migraines came about to help her to get her out of a situation that she didn't know how to get out of. They went away. And actually, I worked with a very young child who also had really bad migraines. And when I said to him, darling, you know, I know this is a silly question, but if the migraines were your friend and they wanted to help me, he said, well, when mommy and daddy shout, I get my headaches. And then I lie on the sofa, Mommy turns off all the lights, and it's very quiet. And she calls me her little snake, because you got to be in a cold, dark room. And she puts a flannel on my head. And they don't shout anymore. So if you look at that, you imagine a little child hearing mummy and daddy shout and thinking, I got to stop this. I got to stop them shouting. But a child doesn't know how to. But the mind hears that you've got to stop them shouting. Well, debilitating migraines would do that. Parents don't shout when their child is sick, mostly. And so when you track back at, well, what was going on when this happened, what was happening to you, and how did that play out? So role Functionality is looking at the role an illness plays in our life. And it's usually three things. They will begin with P. It's to protect you. You think, why would anyone protect me? But imagine if you have Crohn's disease and now you can't have sex with your partner. You can't go to work, you can't mess up that presentation. You can't fail at your dream because you're sick. And so illnesses often do protect you. They're a big get out of jail card. And also, when you're a child, if you're not getting love, the very next Best thing is to be sick. Because suddenly you think, wow, look at that. Didn't think my mommy loved me, but she's buying all this gluten free stuff. She's taking me here. I guess I am important and significant. I need to be significant is often met by being ill because everyone's worried about you. So the first one is to protect you. The second one is to prioritize you, to get you a lot of attention. And that certainly happens when you're sick. And the third one is to punish you. But why would my body punish me? But that's very common. I worked with someone who had such a burden, Crohn's. She couldn't even get off the sofa. Her whole life was so limited by Crohn's. And when we talked about it, she said, you know, I ran off with my best friend's husband. My whole family were horrified. And then of course he left me and I got Crohn's. And that was to punish her. And she said, you know, I caused everybody so much pain. I made everyone suffer. My parents, my best friend, and now here am I suffering. I said, but also your 9 year old daughter is suffering. You know, you've spent longer. If you'd murdered someone, you wouldn't have done 25 years. But you've done 25 years with Crohn's because of mistake you made when you were 19. At 19, most of us date people that are wrong. I can't think of many 17 year olds that haven't dated someone unsuitable or kissed the wrong person. I know I did. So the punishment is always about, look, let's put this into perspective. You made a mistake. Even in the Bible, it says to err as human, to forgive as divine. You're allowed to make a mistake. You're not allowed to punish her own body. And she completely got rid of Crohn's in that very session. So protect, punish, prioritize and everything else is really under that umbrella. We think, would we punish? We're punishing ourselves all the time. People say, I've got, you know, irritable bowel, terrible headaches, back pain, pain. And even doctors will tell you, I say 70%. Joe Dispenda says 90, 90% of people turning up at A and E have real illnesses, but they're not caused by diseased organs. They're caused by diseased thinking, which is actually very good news because it's much easier to fix disease thinking than a diseased organ. A diseased organ needs surgery. Disease thinking just needs Massive reframing.

What does diseased thinking mean?

Well, let's imagine you have a thought. I'm dreading going to that meeting next. Or I'm dreading that assessment. I'm dreading the exam. I'd give anything not to go. Your mind is always listening. And that's not a thought, that's not a fleeting thought. That's an instruction to the mind. Get me out of that situation. You know, often we say, well, I'd give anything for a week lying around doing nothing. Then we get a cold and we don't realize the connection. You said, to the mind, get me out of it. You said, to the mind, I don't want to go to that presentation. And you woke up with diarrhea or flu because the mind, which is the most powerful, listens to your thoughts and then must come up with something. You know, I worked with a boy who had chronic contact dermatitis all over his arms. When I was talking to him, he said, he told me the story that Mummy had a new baby and she would do baby massage. And he'd say to mummy, can I have that? No, darling, you're a big boy. But, Mommy, I want that. No, it's just for the baby. You had that when you were a baby. This is for the baby. Only babies get baby massage. You're a big boy. When he got contact dermatitis, he had to stand like that, and she would put cream and wet bandages on him. And he said, and she doesn't put any cream on that baby, even when he said it. Because the mind is so clever. You know, we think we're thinking fleeting thoughts, but every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind, body and psyche work relentlessly to make real. So you might think you're thinking a thought, but you're not. You're making a blueprint. So if you think I give anything to get out of that presentation, don't be surprised if you wake up sick if you say, oh, I really don't want to go to that place again. That's going to happen. You know, so many children I work with who worry about their exams, find they're too ill to attend school. So it's not a coincidence. You know, your mind's job, it has one job, make your thoughts real. If you think of fear, even if you're watching a television show, You're. You know, you get goose pimples. You. Your heart raced. If you're watching a crime show at night, even though you know you're in your house, you Feel scared because you're making those thoughts real. If you watch something very sexual, you can be really aroused. If you watch something about food, your stomach starts to rumble. If you watch something emotional, your eyes fill up with tears. So we know that every day, you know, if I think of something embarrassing, I can go bright red. Because your mind is making your thoughts real every day. And so this is just a very advanced version of what we see every day. Blushing, getting teary eyed, stomach rumbling, you know, what's an erection? I'm thinking a thought and my body's reacting to a thought. I'm on my own here reading a magazine, but I'm now getting ready to have sex because my mind made my thoughts real. When you get that, then you realize the next step is, well, then think better thoughts all the time. Because if you can just think better thoughts all the time, your body is doing its job of making your thoughts real. Your job is to think better thoughts so your body can make those real. Wow.

So every disease is here to play a role, whether protect, punish, or. What was that third one?

Prioritize or prioritize. I wouldn't say every, you know, I say 70%. I like to err on the side of caution. 70% of us turning up at the doctor, doctors or the hospital have real illnesses caused by disease thinking. So there's another 30%. Of course we have other illnesses that happen for all kinds of reasons. We can't say every illness. You know, if you were exposed to asbestos and you got cancer, if you smoked 40 cigarettes saying, got cancer, then we wouldn't say, oh, you thought that. You've got to be very careful with cancer, saying, oh, did you create that? Did you think it? You know, we live in a world of pollution and stress and all kinds of stuff and chemicals and terrible foods. Of course, people are getting sick for a variety of reasons. But if people have an autoimmune disease or tension headaches or irritable bowel, you know, certain diseases of the gut, which is the second brain, then these are easy to fix. You don't need to go down the route of medication or indeed surgery, but you can do both.

How do they fix it?

Well, you know, I had wound cancer, and so I hadn't. I didn't. Probably wouldn't have. If I'd known now, I probably wouldn't have had my womb removed. But I didn't need a womb. I wasn't going to have any more children. So when they said, you've got womb cancer, we want to remove your womb I'm like, okay. And it was so easy. It was like I had cancer one day and I didn't have it the next day. And. But I did participate in it. So just before I had that hysterectomy, which actually for me was so easy, I actually imagined because someone said to me, oh, you know, when they take it out, some of the cancer cells can spill out. You've got to be careful with these and then travel through your body. That's actually a terrifying thought. Wow. As they take it out, some of the cancer cells are going to spill out and travel around my body and create more cancer. So when they told me that, I imagined my womb like a fortress surrounded, like when I imagined it all wrapped in cling film. And I imagined it all contained. And I would talk to my body a lot and say, you know, every cancer cell is coming out and it's all contained. And so when it was removed, I felt great. And I think the thinking is, imagine you have some surgery to move a cancerous organ. You now got a choice. Oh, my God, what, have it spread? I bet some of it has, but that's just my luck. I'm really. We've got this new word called scanxiety. Every scan, I'm waiting to hear the bad news, which is not a great way to think, but it's very understandable. Or you could say it's all gone. My body's doing a brilliant job. My body can do its own immunotherapy. My body can do its own chemotherapy. My body is a wellness making, healing machine. It knows perfectly how to heal me. So I did both. I had conventional surgery. I didn't have chemo or anything. I didn't have any drugs. I just had one thing, which is to remove it. And then I did the rest myself. I kept commanding, compelling, directing, instructing my body to do its job. So, you know, when I said earlier, you think a thought, the body makes it real. If you keep thinking, I know there's cancer everywhere, I bet I'm riddled with it. You've got to be very careful that you're thinking the wrong thought. If you think, look, my body knows how to kill off any remaining cancer cells because, you know, we all have cancer cells. Most of our bodies kill them. But cancer, you know, and every cell in your body is dying and being replaced. But cancer cells don't die, which is kind of weirdness. We say you have to have chemotherapy to kill them because they won't die. But you don't know that your body and your mind can't do a great job of killing them.

Wow. Do you think that our beliefs have the power to make our bodily organs function differently?

Do you know, I met someone two years ago who was younger than me, who had Parkinson's. I was so surprised. This poor woman was shaking. And I'd said to her, you know, darling, you're very young to have Parkinson's. And I noticed she said something. She said all the time, where's my carer? What time's my carer arriving? My night care, my daycare. And I said, let me do a session with you. And so we sat down in a chair like this, and I took her back. And her first memory that she described was she was born. Her father was always going to die, so they had her to give the mother something to live for. And her father did die when she was 7. By the time she was 12, she was trying to get her mother a pension. She'd taken over. You know, the mother was devastated. And at 12, she was running the house, getting her mother a pension, sorting everything out. And she said something interesting. No one cares for me. The next scene, she was in her very early 20s. Her husband had left as she had young children. And she said, I don't know how I'm going to do this. In the final scene, her mother had cancer, came to live with her. And she said all the time, I can't do this myself. I'm caring for everybody. And I asked her a question. How many times do you think you said, from that little girl of seven to the girl whose mother came to live with cancer, had young children, no money, no husband, no support. I need someone to look after me. Said. I said it every day. And then she got Parkinson's with an army of carers. Everybody was worried about her. And what was so interesting, I said, you know, you're. You don't need this. You're a strong woman. I was giving her something to say. I'm a strong, independent, strong, independent woman. And so I was doing a couple of things. I was reprogramming her mind from that young girl who needed to be cared for at 7. At 10, we are dependent. We need to be cared for. So I was looking at the role of the Parkinson's, which was very much to be cared for. She needed to be cared for. And so then we were. It's a bit like you investigate, interpret and try to investigate why she would get Parkinson's so young, interpret the scenes and then interrupt the belief that was then makes perfect sense. But you don't need it now. You're a strong woman. You've got beautiful grown up children and you've got a great life. And at the end of the session, I was also doing this commanding. I do this thing called command therapy, commanding the body to fix it. She picked up a glass of water and drank it, she painted her nails, she went out and pruned some roses when her son came in because she was staying with him. And she said, don't make a fuss. I'm a strong, independent woman. And then the next day she went back to her own house and she's lived her life normally ever since, which was an extraordinary thing. But she was young. I just. When I met her and heard her talk about her carers, something in my brain said, this is, she's unconsciously creating this. Nobody would create that consciously.

So you decode the role the disease is playing in the person's life.

Decode and rewire. That's exactly it.

Decode and rewire. We did a focus group prior to our interview with 80 different women between 25 to 40 about infertility. And over 80% of them have been through over five rounds of failed IVF and they're all suffering. And as a woman, as soon as you hit 25, all you hear from your gynecologist is that, oh, your egg count is going down, your chance of getting, your fertility is going down, your chance of getting pregnant is going down. Which kind of like puts you in this race of, oh, my God, first of all, let me find my soulmate.

You know, one of the rules of the mind is what you expect tends to be realized. If you expect your ability to decline and you're thinking about it, it's like being pregnant, expecting to have a miscarriage. The statistics go up when you think like that. Yes, yes.

And then, and then all the rounds of failed rounds of ivf. What role do you think infertility plays in a woman's life?

We know when you go for ivf, the first thing they say too often is you have a 25% success rate here, but what you hear is, oh, a 75% failure rate. They usually say it tends to work on the third session, which makes you think, well, the first two sessions are pointless, but I've got to have the first two to get to the third one. I've worked with many IVF clinics who often say, can you keep these clients consistent? They're up and down, they're panicky, they're relaxed, they're anxious, they're stressed. And so I've done a lot of work helping people get pregnant with ivf. And people said to me, you know, oh, it failed. I go, well, tell me about the failure. Did you have an egg collection? Yes, they collected nine eggs. Did they fertilize? Yes. But the embryo transfer failed, the bit where they put them back. So it wasn't a failure. You had an egg collection and the eggs, fertilizer, the last bit didn't work. Who knows why? For all kinds of reasons. But maybe we could just focus on that and imagine the eggs sticking into your womb like an embryo, like one of those orchids. It's got the little roots that dig in. So when I work with people, because I do conception, pregnancy, birth and ivf. Conception, pregnancy, birth. Because IVF is somewhat different. But with IVF and indeed with icsi, it's important to believe it's going to work, to really believe this is going to work. I've got grade A premium perfect, robust eggs and my partner's sperm is crack, military grade sperm. And it's, it's going to meet and make a grade A robust embryo which becomes a grade A robust fetus. My body's going to grow that baby perfectly. So in my experience, and certainly mine, I find that women, you know, imagine being 15 or 16 and thinking you're pregnant. I remember when I was 17, then I was pregnant. Oh my God, my dad's going to be so disappointed. And it was a horrible thing. I was thinking, oh my God, I'm pregnant, I can't go to college, my dad's going to be so upset with me. Then when I found out I wasn't, I was like, oh, I'm not pregnant. Yay. Thank you. So if you imagine your first thought of being pregnant is fear or terror, the brain will, the brain goes backwards, by the way. You know, if you sometimes think, oh, that reminds me of my grandmother, or that taste reminds me being a kid, the mind always goes back to what something means, always. So if your first thought of being pregnant is terror and this is the worst thing, this would be, be a disaster. You know, I worked with beautiful Muslim girl who said, oh my God, when I thought I was pregnant, my dad would have killed me, my mom would have killed herself. So imagine the effect that has on your body. So 15 years later, she's married to a wonderful man and can't get pregnant because of this memory, because she had.

Already connected pregnancy with fear to terror.

Real terror, to terror, to fear, to. You know, this is the worst thing. This is a Nightmare. This is going to ruin my life. So that if your first experience of being pregnant is that if you've had a termination or a miscarriage, then you have another belief, you know, being pregnant is terrible. You may have a different belief. One of my clients was telling me that, you know, when her parents had her, their marriage fell apart, the father left, he didn't like it. Someone else was telling me that, you know, her parents were madly in love and when they had her, she sort of, she was very much on her own. And so there's all kinds of fears. What if I have a handicapped baby? What if the baby doesn't love me? I don't like my own mother, we had a terrible relationship. What if that happens? What if my partner leaves me? What if, you know, I leave work that I've spent years building up and I never get to go back? What if I don't like motherhood? There's so many what ifs. I call them baby blocks. There's about eight baby blocks. And what you have to do is go back and look at the blocks and close your eyes and think about, you know, if someone said today you're pregnant, what would be your first thought? What would be your second? And often people say, oh, my first thought is, oh, I don't really want that, that's going to ruin, disrupt my life. My second thought is, oh, what if it all goes wrong? So that's okay to say. My first and second thought imagining the news were not wonderful. They were like fear.

Wow.

Because it's a big change having a baby. You know, people tell you all these things, oh, you know, you don't get to see. My daughter was saying to me, mummy, you know, it's so interesting, we'll come up in the street when I was very pregnant, go, oh, get ready. You know, you're not going to have a night's sleep for the next three years. And just you wait. It was all, nobody said, wow, you're about to meet the love of your life, the most amazing thing that you have made. They all said, oh, wait for the terrible twos. And even now to a little six week old, they say things like, oh, wait till they're crawling, wait till they're walking, they're a disaster. They're going to trash your house. You can't even go to the bathroom when you have a baby. So people don't mean to, but they say all these things, you know, you're not getting sleep, it's a nightmare, your life isn't your own. And that doesn't have to. I found having a baby really easy, probably because I wanted one so much. But again, all of these thoughts that we think, you know, they're not all wonderful thoughts. We talk about frazzled new mothers and postnatal depression. And when I had my baby, I was really shocked. I was in England. You have wards. You used to. Anyway, I was in a ward and I just had my little baby and I was just so blissed out. And she literally gave me a box of Kleenex and said, that's for you. For the postnatal depression, which tends to arrive on day three. 3. On day three, the whole ward is a sea of weeping. And, you know, because we get personal depression. I said, oh, no, no, no. So I'm not having that. I've signed up for postnatal euphoria. That's what I'm having. And I've got to look. You said that? Yeah, I said, I'm not having postnatal depression. I've already signed up for postnatal euphoria. This baby is my nonsense. She goes, oh, just you wait. She obviously thought I was one. A silly, ignorant new mother who had no idea what was in front of me. But I did know. My mother was said to me, your babies are wonderful. They sleep all the sort of. Like, I had a mother and a sister who both had great experience of motherhood. And they never said, oh, it's hell. The terrible twos, the postnatal depression. You know, you don't get a minute to yourself. You can't even eat. They said it's amazing. They sleep a lot and, you know, sleep when they sleep. You know, don't do the ironing when the baby's asleep. Don't start making gourmet dinners. I mean, I never ironed baby sheets. Maybe sent me baby clothes that needed ironing. I just left them in the box because I wasn't going to be ironing with a new. I just loved it. And when she slept, I slept. But when you get this negative expectation, we've got to be very careful about our mind because what you expect tends to be realized. It says that in the Bible. I think it says it in the Quran. It says it in the Torah. So we've got to really be aware of what are we expecting. We're expecting hell, a disaster, a nightmare. Are we expecting this awful time of a messy house, no sleep, a baby that's screaming with colic, or expecting, wow, I'm just going to create a person and it's going to be so Wonderful. And I've got this little thing to love. And, you know, the great thing is that when you have a brilliant mind, which we all have, you have a choice. Every day, talk yourself into something negative or talk yourself out of it.

What are the top three baby blocks?

The top three fear of pregnancy. You know, we're in a world now where we believe that control is a wonderful thing. Control your weight, you know, can have a nice, tidy house, always look put together. So we're living in a world, we believe that we've got some control. And when you have a baby, there's no control. You're going to get bigger. You don't know what's going to happen, what the baby's going to be like, how it's going to be. So that the first fear is the fear of, I can't control this, I can't control the pregnancy, I can't control the birth. The second fear is the fear of change. And, you know, we all have a fear of change. Why we fear dying and getting older. But when you can control the direction of change and make it positive, it's okay. So there's that fear of, how is this going to change? What's going to happen to my job, my relationship? What if it all goes wrong? What if I have an awful baby that screams all the time? What if my husband can't stand it? What if I can't get back to work? So that's the second fear. And the third fear is very similar. It's about, what if the baby doesn't love you? What if you don't love it? What if it ruins your relationship? What if it all goes wrong? What if you can never go on holiday again and go out with your friends because everything's different? So we're wired to fear the unknown. And unfortunately, there's so many magazines and movies that show you the worst side of having a baby, not the best.

Wow. So a woman can be her own biggest baby blocker.

Of course, we can all be our own biggest baby blocker. Definitely. Wow.

And.

And even taking birth control, you know, if you take birth control for 14 years, every time you take that. But what are you saying? I don't want a baby. You're saying that and going, I don't want a baby. Make sure you've got a condom. Where's the coil? We say to ourselves, I don't want a baby for 15 years. That's normal. So imagine you start having sex at 17, until 32. So even that, that mindset, that unconscious action, putting the pill in your mouth or having the birth control is telling your body, I don't want a baby. The body doesn't know how to reverse that. After 15 years. After 15 years. That is deep, hardwired conditioning is there.

For all of our soul sisters watching this, everyone who's trying to get pregnant. And, you know, we had so many sharing their very painful journeys of, you know, failed rounds of IVF one after another. Is there any short form of RTT that can help people with fertility?

Yeah. First of all, do not say, I'm trying. The word trying is a misdirect. It implies failure. I wouldn't say to you, hey, could you try to pick up a pen and write down my phone number? Because you say what? Of course I wouldn't say to you, can you try to eat lunch? When you say trying? It is, I'm going to try. If I say to you, do you want to come to my house? But then you got to try. I don't know if you're coming or not because there's no commitment with the word try. I'll try. He said, I'll try and take you out next week. Who's going to go for that? I'll try and see if I can turn up. So trying, the word is a misdirect that implies failure. So never say, I'm trying to get pregnant. Say, I'm making a baby. Because even the word pregnant, you could be pregnant eight times and never have a baby. Because I want to be pregnant. No, you don't. You want to make and carry and deliver a perfect, robust baby. So the mind loves words that make a picture. You know, the way we feel about everything is down to the words we form. Trying to get pregnant implies failure. I'm making a perfect, robust baby. My body is making an amazing baby and my body's going to carry that baby for nine months and grow it perfectly. And while my body is growing that baby physically, I'm going to grow emotion. I'm going to talk to it and love it. And I'm making a perfect baby. See, if you close your eyes and go, I'm trying to get pregnant. Trying to get pregnant. Trying to get pregnant. Just say that now and then say, I am making a perfect, robust baby. I'm having a nine month perfect pregnancy. It feels very different, doesn't it? Because the second one is very clear. The mind is very clear. The mind loves clear, direct words that make a picture. I'm making a perfect baby is very different. I'm trying to get pregnant because pregnant doesn't even imply you ever have a baby. You could be pregnant for three months. You could have a phantom pregnancy. I'm making, caring, delivering, raising. A perfect, gorgeous, healthy child is very different. So do that. And the other thing that really helps, by the way, sounds so simple, is to go. Many people who can't get pregnant, they can't walk down the baby aisle in the grocery store because it's painful. Look at that woman. She's got three, I can't even have one. And they avoid everything when they're reading a magazine, they skip past anything to do with babies. But what you need to do is to go out and buy a little pair of baby socks or a little hat and keep it in your bag. Say, my baby's going to wear that. My baby's going to wear that hat. Wear those socks. Have it, see it every day, get it, look at it. Say, my baby is wearing that. Because now you're expecting a baby long before you were expecting. People say, oh, you know, when I was pregnant, I didn't buy a thing, didn't tell anyone in case I miscarry. So now you're almost expecting that again. A rule of the mind is what you're expecting tends to be realized. So you got to expect something amazing. You're carrying a baby. People have carried babies forever. Your body knows how to deliver them. Baby, it's going to be easy and wonderful. And the best day of your life is the day you give birth. It's not the worst day, it's the best day. It's amazing. And, you know, people in comas give birth. It can be challenging. But if you go into it, wow, my body knows how to deliver a baby. I'm just going to relax and be excited and tell the baby, I can't wait for you to come out. I can't wait to hold you and not get into the fear of, oh, my God, this is terrible. Get excited about it. Then you can have a very different experience.

I encourage all of our lovely soul sisters out there who are trying to get pregnant to listen to this.

Making a baby. You see, you just said it. Of course. Trying to get pregnant.

You're right. Our soul sisters who are making babies to listen to this conversation over and over again. Because is this something you do during RTT sessions?

Oh, yes, I do a lot of. You know, I've trained 19,000. One of our therapists, the BBC, did a whole show on her called Andrea because she specialized in fertility. We don't call it infertility. It's fertility. And so quite a lot of the people I've trained have become specialists in that field. They're niching infertility in IVF conception, regular conception, perfect and hypnotic birth, which is a wonderful thing to give birth in. Hypnosis is amazing because you're not in fear and you're in a state of, wow, I could lie here all day and do this. Rather than, oh, my God, this is so terrifying. Because that's the other thing. There's something called secondary infertility, which means you have a baby, you got pregnant, but you can't get pregnant again. And that tends to go back to people who give birth and go, it's hell. Oh, my God, it was awful. I thought I was going to die. I nearly got ripped in half. I hemorrhaged. It was awful. In the end of that, I thought. I thought, never again. And then we forget the thought. But the brain doesn't forget, because in that moment of fear, you have what's called an imprint. When you have a scared person, a scared woman giving birth, a scared child in a scene, you have an imprint. An imprint, because it imprints upon you a belief, never again. I never want to have a baby again. But of course you've forgotten. Yes, but the imprint hasn't forgotten. And it's imprinting on you. You don't want to have a baby. Didn't you say that? Never again. My child job is to make sure. Never again. So we have to go back and say, let's undo the imprint. My imprint was, oh, never again. It's like people who in love, it ends. They go, I never want to go through that pain. I'd rather be on my own for the rest of my life than go through that pain. They go, why can't I find someone else? Because you've got an imprint now that you created unconsciously. Whenever we say never again, it would kill me. I'd die before I did that again. That would kill me. Wow, there's the imprint. But our imprints can be changed very easily when we go back and have a look at them and go, oh, I said that. I thought that. I believed that. And that made perfect sense then. But I don't need to have that imprint anymore.

So for people who are struggling to find their soulmates, what do you think is a soulmate blocker?

You know, when I was a kid, my mother, my parents let me go live with my grandmother for a year, and I was actually in heaven. It was just amazing. I loved being there. But my father was A very eminent school teacher. He was a head teacher. And I knew he would never let me stay there. But I wanted to say, I say, can I live here forever? And she goes, no, you know your dad won't let that happen. I said, can I stay with you forever? She said, no, you know your dad's gonna come and take you back because you're the headteacher's daughter. He's not gonna let you live with your grandmother. That's a sign of failure. And I always knew that it would end, but I didn't realize what that did to me. Cause that little girl was waiting for the end. Always waiting. It was so lovely. And then my father came and got me. And I imagine when he came that I'd beg him to let me stay, but I just got in the car and went back home. But you see, that imprint was, relationships don't last. You can have love, but it doesn't last. So every person I had that loved me, I would end it because I had that unconscious belief. I started off with two. My first and second boyfriend were amazing. But I really ruined those relationships because of this belief can't last. And when the second one said, could you marry me? It's got me very well. I said, oh yeah, of course, but we'll get divorced. And I can't imagine I said to that, that boy, we'll get divorced because it doesn't last. Because I was so imprinted with that belief. And then from there I started to pick people that were really unsuitable because then it couldn't last. And then one day I just took a look at that and thought, well, that's my. When I was a little girl with my grandmother. But I had great laughs. And so I decided to change that imprint. And then I found my husband. We're blissfully happily married. It's wonderful. But I was very lucky that I realized that I had an imprint that was hurting me and that was becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. If you believe relationships don't last, you're going to act in a way that makes them don't last. Or you're going to pick someone that's never going to last with. Because you make a belief, but those beliefs turn right around and make you. So we've always got to say, what am I believing? Is this helping me or hurt me? Could I change the belief? Of course. Anytime you can change a belief. Wow. Wow.

That was incredible. Because a lot of us women, yes, we to protect ourselves, we say never again. Or that this is not gonna last. We. Yes, you're right, we undoubtedly died before.

I went through that again. That would kill me. Yes. And your brain's job is to keep. If you say that would kill me, being ghosted, being dumped, being fired. If you say to your brain, that would kill me because it would kill you. Oh, you leave that with me. I'm the genie, your wish is my command. Let me make sure you don't find love again. You don't go to that place called work. That would kill you. I'm going to give you an ulcer, a panic attack, a fear, a phobia. I've given you a phobia of driving or speaking. So now you can't go to that. What workplace? Or that relationship place where you said it would kill you. So, so interesting. We see people with phobias or trapped in the house. I worked with a girl who had hypersensitivity to light. She literally couldn't leave the house because she would burn. I mean, in the summer, she was trapped in her home. She was a coach working online. And she got that when she was 11, which is an interesting age because you'd think, surely you should be born with that. And I asked her, she said, well, at 11, I changed schools and I was really badly bullied. And I said to my mum, can I stay home and never go to school again? Which is an interesting. Mother said, no, don't be silly, you have to go to school. And I hate my job, I have to go to work. You just got to suck it up. As the bullying got worse, she said again, mum, can I stay home? And she said, no, you can't stay home, go to school, get over it, you know. His mother wasn't very kind, but also she couldn't let her stay home. And she said, I thought that thought, I just want to stay home and never go out. It's very seductive for a kid to stay home, eat yogurt, watch cartoons, sounded wonderful. Shortly after that, she got this sense of delight and she couldn't go to school anymore. But she still had it 30 years later when it was redundant, because she thought a thought, I don't want to leave the house, I want to stay at home and not be bullied. Being bullied. There's an imprint for a kid, you know, if you'. Bullied. The imprint is, I'd rather never leave the house and have to put up with this. It's not safe to go out, I'm safe at home. And if you think that thought, I'm safe at home, don't be surprised that you're the genius of the mind, can create this whole sense of delight. So you can't go out because it's doing its job, which is to protect you. Protect you. Yeah. So when we're children, we think all kinds of thoughts.

And back to talking about soulmate blocker thoughts or soulmate blocker beliefs. One of the most high profile relationships in history, I guess, is the relationship between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. And this is something that I'm personally suffering about because my teenage years, they were in love. And she wrote a song about him, and I grew up listening to that song. And that was Dear Ben.

Okay.

I just can't. Yeah, it was just a very nice song. And then I. I grew up idolizing their love, and then they broke up. And then my belief in, like, eternal love, like, like, you know, fell apart. And I was sad. And 20 years later, I kept listening to that song. And then they got back together, and I'm like, yes, they restored my faith in love, and now it's on the rocks again. And as someone who looks at them as this ideal, like, soulmates, I'm trying to understand when, as a psychologist, when you watch the whole thing from the outside, what do you think is this soulmate blocker belief that is rocking their relationship all the time?

So the biggest blocker in any relationship is the fear of rejection. We are born hardwired to find connection and avoid rejection because it wasn't long ago that rejection could kill you. And as a baby, rejection can still kill you. So we go into relationships with this fear of being rejected. Not helped by songs of I'll die if you leave me. I can't live without you. You're the only person for me. I can't breathe without you. So we're taught a lie. Rejection can kill you. If someone rejects you, you might never get over it. There's a song called I'll Never get over your. There's so many songs like that, you know, but it isn't true. It was true a thousand years ago. If you watch something like Game of Thrones, you see the truth. Survival was a numbers game. But today you could live on your own in an apartment with cats and Amazon. You could never see a soul and live till you're 110. So rejection doesn't kill us. It actually makes us stronger. If you look at someone like Catherine Zeta Jones, both of her fiance's rejected. She came here with a broken heart, married Michael Douglas. Probably the best thing that ever happened to her was that she got rejected. So again, we have to reframe the imprint. What if it doesn't work out? What if you die? What if you leave me? What if you don't love me anymore? What am I going to do? Well, the truth is, you're going to find someone else. Because once you find an imprint for love, once you've learned to love and share, you can do that again. So people often see people whose partner died. Paul McCartney, he loved Linda, now he loves Nancy. So it isn't true that rejection kills you. What's true is we believe it will. So let's go to Ben and Jennifer. What's going on there? You know, you cannot live your life in the media. I think for Jennifer, it's very important to be famous and relevant. You know, there's a thing called let's. It's five steps. Who is. Who's Jennifer Lopez? Get me Jennifer Lopez. I've got Jennifer Lopez. Can you get me a younger version of Jennifer Lopez? A new version? Who's Jennifer Lopez? That's the fame. You go up and you go down. And many famous women need to stay relevant. They're always trying to stay relevant. You know, we know that she financed her own movie to stay relevant. So that's her path. I want to be relevant. But now you're married to someone who doesn't want that path at all, who's not interested in fame. He said, in the beginning, I don't want to live my life on camera. And she does. You know, when you saw Madonna's movie years ago, when she was dating Warren Beattie? Oh, yeah. He said she doesn't want to live off camera, but he did. So when you're in a relationship, you know, hot sex and wild attraction is great, but you have to have the same value. You've got to be on the same path. If you love the country, your person loves the city, if you want kids and they don't, if you have different goals and dreams, you're going to go like that. And so we've been sold a lot. You know, love is enough. You know, it really isn't. There's so many people who say, I'm married. Someone from a different culture. I thought love would work. It didn't. So they have different dreams, different outlooks, different aspirations, different plans. And it's very hard to put that together, especially when you're marrying later in life. Maybe if you married at 20, you could probably work it out. But at 20, you've got your own schedule. It's very hard for two famous people to Live anyway together, because you're living in the limelight. It's never real. You know, you wonder, every kiss, every hand holding, is that real or is that to show the public? Look at us, you know, Seal and Heidi Cuncott, you were married every year, then they got divorced just like that. So was that real or was that for the public? Because when you're part of a couple, like if you look at the Beckhams, you get seven times as famous together as you two separately. And I think that relationship always had a timeframe. It was a relationship that might have been made for the media for all we know. Maybe real, maybe it was for the media, but didn't last very long because it wasn't built on the. The foundations of I love you. And we're going to work it out. You know, I love you. Let's work it out. I love you. Not in the public eye. A relationship with the public eye is really going to have a lot of challenges because the relationship, I guess, is.

A facilitator for the business. The relationship itself is used for the business.

Yeah. I mean, when you get two celebrities together, they become 10 times as famous because the relationship becomes also famous and people are interested in the relationship and sometimes they just don't work. It all looks lovely from the outside. Johnny Depp, the minute he saw was Johnny Depp's first wife's name again, Vanessa Paradis. When he saw Vanessa Paradis, it was love at first sight. And it all seemed so lovely, and then it wasn't. You know, relationships are hard for many people anyway, but in the public eye, you do not want to live your relationship in a public eye. And we have people who are always on social media. You know, here's my kids, here's my partner. Look at what I'm wearing. And that, too, is a mistake. You know, I see people all the time taking photographs of their dinner at a concert, filming the concert. They're not even watching it. Be careful about living your life on social media because it's not real and you're not. You're not engaging now. You're so busy filming stuff that you're not actually living it.

Do you think living our lives on social media can block our happiness?

Oh, definitely, absolutely. Because every day we get overexposed to fake images of perfection and they make you feel inadequate. It's like, well, look at that person. They're taller, younger, they had a baby and they're a size 0 again. Their life is always perfect. Their home is perfect. Social media exposes to Perfection and never says, by the way, this isn't real. We think it is, and so then we feel dissatisfied with us. Because the truth is, I'm a flawed person. Having flawed relationships with flawed people, it's called being flawsome. And that's the best you can ever be. A flawed person in a flawed world. Having flawed relationships with flawed people, when you accept they go, well, this is wonderful. I love the fact my husband's flawed because I can be flawed. I love the fact that he's super messy. I mean, I don't actually love that, but it allows me to have my own problems too, my own flaws. But if you say, hey, I'm perfect and I want you to be perfect, let's have a perfect relationship, two things are going to happen. You're always going to be disappointed and end up alone. People who try to be perfect, without question, they're the unhappiest, loneliest people in the world, because we don't even want to. Who wants a perfect person? Imagine if your partner was perfect, you'd feel inadequate. Imagine if your parents were perfect, you'd feel inadequate. You know, I did a study on how many famous people's kids killed themselves. Paul Newman, Bur Bacharach, Walt Disney. And they imagine having these perfect parents that you just can't live up to that.

Correct. And do you think social media can be a relationship blocker for us?

Very much so, because social media says, here's a schmoresburg of people. It's like you go on a dating site and you swipe and there's so many people and you're just constantly swiping, going next, next, next, next. You're never growing a relationship with someone who is real.

And now what I'm understanding, what I'm learning, is that we create a lot of our own blockers, whether it's relationship blockers, baby blockers, happiness blockers. The late Princess Diana, what do you think was her biggest blocker for happiness?

Being rejected. You know, imagine your mother leaving you. You know, you're a kid and your mother leaves and goes and lives with her boyfriend and never has custody of you again. I'm sure when the mother left, she thought she would get custody, but she didn't. I mean, imagine a child growing up thinking, my mum left me, because here's what happens as a child. When a child feels the parent doesn't love them, they don't stop loving the parent, they immediately stop loving themselves. A child doesn't really have logic. We're just feeling. And the feeling is My mum left. Why is that? Well, there's only one answer. She doesn't love me or she loves that person. Well, I know When I was 13, my father disappeared and I was calling him, trying to find him, and I remember thinking, I knew he had a girlfriend. I thought, oh, he loves her more than us. He's gone off with her. And I thought that at 13, imagine feeling that at 5, because a child lives in the world of feeling. My mum has left me because she doesn't love me. There's no other way to cut it for a child. How could you make sense of that? So any child. Children who are given up for adoption tend to do the same thing, even though the truth is your maternal mother loved you so much, she gave you to have a better life. But the feeling is, yeah, but if she loved me, why didn't she keep me? So imagine any child growing up believing I was rejected. And then you go into a relationship and, well, it's going to be perfect now, but it can't be perfect because you've got an imprint. You will leave me. Diana said, you know, I married a prince because I knew he could never leave me. He was a prince. He could never leave me. But he could. Indeed he did. But, you know, people like that, that have that much damage and fragility, often act in a way that says, well, let me show you my worst self. And then if you still stick around, I know you must love me, because that's what I used to do. Let me behave badly and show you the worst of me. And then if you still stay, I know you're okay, but that's not fair to do that. It's like, here's a hoop, jump through. Or, here's another one. Here's another one, here's another one. Eventually they go, you know what? I can't jump through any more hoops for you because it's exhausting. Wow.

And that's a way for someone to feel loved.

Yeah. Which.

Does it ever work?

No, it doesn't. You know, we have a need to be loved. And if you say, well, I'm going to give that need to you now, so prove to me every day you love me. Let me check your phone. Let me question you. Let me, do you love me? Why are you looking at that person? That doesn't work. Because neediness is not very sexy. What's very sexy is, hey, I'm a great person. You're lucky to have me. With all my flaws, I'm lucky to have you. And let's Grow a great relationship together and accept that we're both flawed people. We're not going to be perfect. We're going to have a great time. But people who've been very, very rejected young have an expectation, love hurts. You're going to reject. You're going to get rejected. Yeah.

And, Marissa, you are a very spiritual person. And I always think to myself, you're one of the very few therapists that I know who has been tested a lot herself. I remember when you were talking to me about how when you were diagnosed with cancer, you experience what your patients go through and how you worked on your own body. And then you had the other car accident about a year ago where you were told sick. It's going to take you six months before you could walk. And I think I saw you in Dubai within six weeks after the accident or something. And you were, you were on the stage. How do you think spirituality help people compared to psychology?

I think, you know, when you think there's something else so you could say, okay, my mom didn't want me. My mom tried to terminate me. My mum gave me up for adoption. My mom always said I wanted a boy and I got a girl. Spirituality comes in, we're going. But, you know, somebody wanted me to be here. There are people who spend their life savings on IVF and don't have a baby, but here am. I came from this family who didn't want me, but I'm here. So somebody wanted me to be here. And that someone is the universe that put me, that will support me in everything I do. I think spirituality is someone. There's something out there, you know, I can pray, I can meditate, I can believe there's a power, something that's got my back. I can say I'm divinely protected. I can do something. You know, years ago, my daughter was going on a school trip. And in England, of course, you take the coach to France and then you take the ferry and she goes, she goes, mummy, they're showing Titanic on the bus. And now I'm so scared. I don't want to get on the ferry because the boat is sinking. I mean, what is the school thinking of? They're on a bus to go to a boat and they're showing them the movie Titanic. I said, darling, ferry is not a boat. The ferry can't sing. But you're divinely protected. I want you to believe that. I always had a little angel that she pinned onto her shoulder, her clothes, and I'd have one too. And she still wears that Sometimes, no, you're divinely protected and you're always going to be okay. Is that true? Who knows? But she liked to hear that. And I'd always say, wear this little angel wherever you go, this little crystal little something, and believe you're divinely protected. When I was traveling, I'd wear one too, because she didn't like that I was going on a plane. Always say, we're divinely protected. What does that even mean? It doesn't matter what it means. It matters that you felt a power greater than you was keeping you safe, protecting you. So people will say, you know, I've got this little. My clients, I put this special note in my sock when I'm playing tennis because it makes me win. I've got my lucky rabbits, but I've got my talisman. I've got my little. I chant, I say this thing. So we like something bigger than us to keep us safe, safe or well. And I think that's a good thing. I think we believe that it's a spirit.

And is there a common ground between spirituality and psychology?

I think so, yeah. I mean, they're very different. One is working on the mind and the other isn't. But the mind, I feel, does better with spirituality because it's a belief there's something else out there, and that's a wonderful thing.

So in your, like, difficult cases with some clients, which one do you think can help them more, spirituality or psychology?

Oh, I think with my clients, psychology, understanding what makes them tick, and understand they have power to change. But you can put spirituality in there, too, and they like that. I think you can do a little bit of everything.

Your modalities are always. You have psychology of spirituality, you have hypnosis. So I wanted to ask if you would be kind enough to gift our soul sisters with two short hypnosis for soulmate blockers and baby blockers.

Let's do the baby blockers first.

Okay, perfect.

So remember one. You know, I'm a great believer in the rules of the mind. I've written 23 of them. And one of them is imagination is more powerful than knowledge. And in a battle between logic and emotion, emotion always wins. So there's two rules. Imagination is more powerful than knowledge. We know that in a battle between logic and emotion, emotion always wins. And every thought you think is a blueprint. And here's one more. The strongest force in you is you must act in a way that lines up with how you identify you. So when you say, oh, I can't get pregnant, I have problems Getting I can't find love. All of those four rules are going to work against you and not for you. But you can flip that and make them work for you. So let's start with the baby blockers. So make yourself comfortable. And I love doing the eyes. So when you roll your eyes up like that, you go into the same alpha brainwave as when you sleep. Deeply relaxing. So you're not going to go to sleep, but you are going to wake up to your potential. So just look at my eyes. I want you to practice this. Look up, keeping your eyeballs up. Close your eyelids down, if you can do that. Getting into hypnosis is a dream, so let's do that. Now, everybody just look up as if you're trying to look into your very own eyebrows. Breathe in, breathe out. Take another deep breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Just one more time, keeping your eyeballs rolled up. Keep your eyeballs up. Close your eyelids down. Drop your chin so you feel that same looking down feeling that you might feel as you look down a flight of stairs. Forget all about the position of your eyes. I want you to imagine. Imagine you're about to take 10 steps. You're about to meet your future baby. So you're taking step 10, going deeper into an awareness of yourself. You're taking step nine. As each muscle, every nerve, turns loose, lets loose, and you go deeper. You're taking step eight and you can see and hear and feel your feet taking you deeper. You're taking step seven, going deeper with every sound you hear. As you take step six, the sound of your heartbeat is taking you deeper. As you take step five, the sound of your breathing is taking you deeper. As you take step four, each muscle, every nerve, is turning loose, letting loose. And you are going deeper into an awareness of yourself. You're taking step three and two, going deeper. You're taking step one. And as you go deeper, drift deeper. I want you to imagine you can see your baby. You can see this beautiful baby. You can see a beautiful newborn baby, a beautiful bouncing, robust baby. You can see it. You can hear that, those gorgeous gurgling baby sounds. You can feel that beautiful, soft newborn skin. You can feel that little baby's fingers gripping your finger. You can see the baby, hear the baby, even smell that gorgeous newborn smell. And I want you to talk to the baby. I want you to repeat these words. Word for I want you to say to your baby right now, now. I've created a place in my body for you. I've created a place in my life for you. I've created a place in my heart for you. I can't wait to expect you. And I want you to imagine showing your baby your home and showing your baby the stroller in the front, in the hallway, the crib in the bedroom, the high chair in the kitchen, the baby clothes in the laundry basket, the baby rattle and the teddy bear in the lounge, the baby sandbox in the garden. I want you to see that every room of your home is filled with your baby. And you wouldn't have it any other way. I want you to say to your baby, I love you so much. We're going to have a great life. I want you to imagine showing your baby all the Thursday when you come home from hospital with this baby. You come home to a house full of balloons and cards and flowers and everything says, welcome, baby. I want you to imagine all the first the first smile, the first tooth, the first steps, the first crawling, the first time you go paddling in the sea, the first Easter egg hunt, the first Christmas. And I want you to show this baby as you imagine all these firsts that you love being a mother, that you're busy celebrating, collating, photographing, writing down everything loving being a mother. And all the time this little baby is smiling, gurgling, getting the message. This is a wanted baby. You have so much love for this baby. This baby will forever be wanted, love cherished. So take a few minutes and welcome that baby in, into your heart, into your body, into your life. And say to your baby, I love you. I have so much love for you. I'm expecting you and I can hardly wait to buy you stuff and take you out in the buggy and the stroller. We're always going to be together. And I want you to imagine everything is changing today. Every time you have a shower, you think, well, soon I'll be washing my baby. Baby bump. Soon I'll be bathing my baby. When you go for what you think, well, soon I'll be pushing the stroller, holding the baby. Even when you do up Eugene, you think, well, soon I'll be wearing maternity. I'll be feeling that little baby kicking. There'll be two hearts beating in my body really, really soon. So really focus on that feeling of doing everything together, that everything you do, from the simplest thing to getting dressed or going to bed, you remember, soon the baby will be in you and you'll be in it. Because when you expect that baby with love and confidence and a feeling of joy and bliss, that this is going to be the best day of your life, the day you deliver that baby is the best day. Just take a few moments and understand that you, your body knows exactly how to conceive a baby, how to grow a baby, how to deliver it. There's nothing really for you to do except to feel great about it. Your body knows how to conceive and grow and deliver your baby. If you feel excited and wonderful about it, you're helping your body do its job by doing your job. The inner state of great expectancy, what is expected, tends to be real. So just take a few more minutes and imagine this wonderful thing that you have. Grade A premium eggs. You can even imagine turning your eyes inwards and taking a look at your womb, seeing that you have lots of eggs and one of them is glowing, radiating. You have one egg, one grade A luminous egg that is glowing. And that egg's about to take a five day cruise down your fallopian tube and draw to it the most perfect sperm. Your grade A premium egg is drawing to it a grade A premium sperm and immediately fertilization. Conception is taking place and then your fertilized egg is traveling down to your womb and there it is, implanting, sticking, attaching, like Velcro. One of the reasons it attaches is because you talk to this baby and say, I love you, you're so wanted. I can't wait to carry, carry you, grow you. Because while your body is doing a phenomenal job of growing this baby, you doing a phenomenal job. Your body grows to your baby physically and you grow it emotionally, you talk to it, you love it. You could even reach out and touch that baby right now. It's all around you. It's life force is ready to be in you. When you come to deliver that baby, it's going to be easy. The long muscles can trust, the round muscles relax and you give birth to this perfect, healthy, robust baby, the one you've just seen today. Because you're expecting it, you know it's going to happen. You were put on this planet to recreate yourself. Fertility begins in the brain with believing. It's going to happen. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be the best thing you ever did. Recreating yourself makes you immortal. And that's what you're doing. But anytime you can close your eyes and go into this in more detail, see more things, the first day at school, the first time you draw a picture together, first story, the first cuddle, everything, you can imagine it. And if you can see it and imagine it with excitement, you can make it Real. So go ahead and do that right now. So if you're doing this before bed and you can now drift into a deep sleep or you can come back to your full awareness, go out and buy a little something for your baby as proof of your faith that it's coming into your life and you're a mother to be. You're expecting your baby already. How did that feel?

I felt him.

Good. I felt him. That's wonderful. So let's do. Oh, yes, let's do the relationship 1. Just make yourself comfortable sitting with your feet and hands not touching. And look up as high as you can. Keep your eyes rolled up. Breathe in, breathe out. Every time you blink, deep hypnosis is coming upon you. Breathe in and out again. Just one more time. Breathe in. Keep your eyeballs up as you exhale. Just close your eyelids right down. Now forget all about your eyes. Drop your chin and just get that very same looking down sensation you might get as you look over a balcony or down a flight of stairs. You're looking down 10 steps right now. You're moving on to step 10. As each muscle, every nerve, turns loose, lets loose and you go deeper, you're taking step nine, going deeper into an awareness of yourself. You're taking step eight. You can see and hear and feel your feet connecting to every step. As you go deeper, you're taking step seven, going deeper. With every sound you hear, you're taking step six. The sound of your breathing is taking steps you deeper. You're taking step five. The sound of your heartbeat is taking you deeper. You're taking step four and three. As each muscle, every nerve turns loose, lets loose and you go deep, you're taking step two and one. Just go deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper into an awareness of yourself. And as you go deeper, drift deeper, sink deeper. You know there is only one thing you need to do to attract and maintain love. And that one thing is to know that you are worthy of love, deserving of love and deeply lovable. Just the way you are every day. I want you to say these words out loud with me right now. I am lovable. I am so lovable. I am worthy of love. I am deserving of love. I easily attract love. I keep that love forever. I am filled and nourished by the love that surrounds me. And I fill and nourish others with my love. We can just say this again. I want you to notice how you feel. Repeat after me. I am lovable. I accept myself as lovable. I easily give and receive love. I'm filled and nourished by love. And I fill and nourish others with my love. Now, you might say, I felt sad, I felt tearful, I felt silly, I felt a bit angry. That just means you haven't fully let it in. The mind learns by repetition. You're going to say it, state it, affirm it, till your mind goes, oh, here you go again with that stuff. It must be true, because you know what you say it every day. What you give to your mind, it gives back, is the feedback. So when you say, I am lovable, I am worthy of love, I am deserving of love, the words that follow I am will follow you. So you're going to see, say it, state it, affirm it, embody it, write it, write it on your screensaver, write it on your fridge. And as you say it, you won't even have to find love, because love is going to find you. Because you know with unshakable conviction, with absolute certainty that you are deeply lovable. You always have been and you always will be. So let's do that one more time. I am deeply lovable. I am so worthy of love. I'm attracting the most wonderful love. I'm maintaining it forever because I am lovable. And you're going to say it and say it and say it until your mind goes, here you go again. Well, that's obviously true because you say it. So I want you to imagine, well, that looks like you attracting love. Finding someone that you love, that loves you, finding the one. There's many, many ones. But I want you to see yourself growing in love. Finding someone where you love and believe in each other. You never threaten to leave because this is your relationship. You love someone and you say, this is I love you. So let's work it out. I love you. Let's. Let's grow a relationship together. You're attracting someone who loves you, believes in you and adores you, but you love and adore and believe in them. And you are now growing a beautiful relationship where you believe in each other, where you have each other's back, where you have mutual respect and admiration, best friend chemistry, and also amazing sexual chemistry. You have it all because you're worthy of it and you're a massive attract of love. You massively manifest love. You know what it looks like, you know that you're worthy of it and now you just go out and get it. But it also goes out and gets you knowing that you're worthy of love and having that image of what a good relationship looks like for you. What do you do together? How do you sleep? How do you eat? What's your favorite movie? What's your favorite thing to do? Always waking up with someone that has your back, coming home to someone that puts you first. If you can see what that looks like and feels like and know that you deserve it. And that just means keep saying those things until you know it. Then you want to have to look for love. Because love is already looking for you. What you want wants you and what you are moving towards is moving towards you. Just do the one thing, the only thing you ever need to do. Know you're worthy of it. Get out of what it looks like and it will find you and it will stay with you forever. So do that right now. Do it every day. I'm worthy of love. Let's do it one more time. I am so worthy of love. I'm so deserved of love. I'm so lovable. I'm deeply lovable. I'm worthy and deserving of love. I'm finding it. It's finding me. I'm attracting it, it's attracting me. Because I am a deeply lovable person and I always will be. And I'm finding love. It's finding me. I'm open. Let's just do one more thing. I want you to take a deep breath in. I want you to give that breath away and then receive it back. See, the first thing you did when you came on the planet was you took a breath in and you gave it away. Then you took another one back. Because you have the balance of giving and receiving. Every day, every minute, every second, you give and receive breath. And if you can do that, you can give and receive life. Love is about giving and receiving, giving and receiving love to others, giving and receiving love to yourself. Receiving the awareness that you're lovable and giving it out to others. Because as you massively raise your sense of lovability, as you massively raise your sense of self worth, self value and self as in the world will join you at that higher level. You give and receive a breath without any giving it a second thought. You give and receive love because you're lovable. And it's just as easy, just as balanced, just as natural, just as perfect. You're doing it right now. Go on doing it. Always grow in love. It's finding you and you're finding it. See you next time. So when you listen to this at night, that's a perfect thing to imagine. Sleeping with someone who's got their arms wrapped around you, waking up together. Play this recording at night or in the morning. And you will find love, and it will find you.

Wow. Thank you so much, Marissa. This was the best gift you could have given our audience. Guys, please listen to this hypnosis over and over again. And I know we're all gonna find love and we're gonna all have babies.

Absolutely. That's what you're put here to do. That's what nature expects. Sex. You're supposed to find the person, you know, find your person. Create a child, Live a great life. That's what nature's plans for all of us.

Wow. And we're very lucky that you were given to the world as a gift to all of us. Thank you so much for coming on the show, for being so generous with your knowledge, with your love, with your beautiful spirit. You radiate love. And I am very grateful to be given this opportunity to interview you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys.

This was amazing. Are you going to the speaker dinner? Yes. Okay. Will go together.