Vishen Lakhiani recounts how he overcame loneliness by proactively creating a community he calls "The Gathering." He describes secretly collecting contact details and photos of fascinating people into a database (about 700 entries) and hosting curated in-person events where participants introduce and appreciate one another via a ritual circle. He gives concrete examples—150 guests at a Los Angeles mansion (hosted by Gerard Butler) and about 80 guests on a Dubai yacht (hosted by an entrepreneur named Jimmy, yacht called the Chakra)—to illustrate scale and outcomes. The talk concludes with a direct call to action: if you feel lonely, start collecting and connecting fascinating people and host your own gatherings.
Questions this video answers
May 11, 2023
About 700
Approximately 150
Close to 80
Chapters
A lot of people know about my company, mindvalley, but many people don't know about a non profit that I run called the Gathering. And the Gathering is all about connecting fascinating people. So every time I meet someone that's fascinating to me, I do something really sneaky. Basically, I get their name, find them on Instagram or LinkedIn, I grab their picture, I put them in a database, and I put down little information about them, what they do, their bio, why I find them fascinating, the city that they live in. And I've built this database out to 700 fascinating people. Why am I collecting people in this weird, creepy way? Well, the reason is because 10 years ago, I was feeling really lonely. And I was living in a city of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia didn't really have that many friends in that city. And I wanted to meet interesting people, people who would inspire me. But since no one was inviting me to events, I was so far away from the United States, I decided to create my own communities. I started building this database of interesting people. And then if I was in the city or if I was traveling, I would host a dinner and I would invite people from that city who were in my database together. These people didn't know each other, but I would bring them together. I call this event the Gathering. And we would do a strange ritual. Everyone would stand in a circle and I would point to each person, appreciate them, and say one thing fascinating about them. All of a sudden, everyone at my gathering knew a little bit about the other person and now had something to talk about. And huge connections would form and I would be the center of all of these connections. All of a sudden, these gatherings started getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Soon, wherever I was traveling to, wealthy individuals would give me their homes, their yachts to conduct these gatherings. Because the people I brought in were truly unique. They were kind, they were loving, they had no ego. And they came with the idea to connect with other human beings and serve. In Los Angeles, just before the pandemic, Gerard Butler gave me his huge mansion. I brought together 150 people in LA, and so many close friendships were formed. More recently in Dubai, an incredible entrepreneur, Jimmy, who had learned about me through my books, gave me his yacht, the Chakra. We brought together close to 80 people. All of a sudden, in this gathering on Jimmy's yacht, you'd have magicians like DMC or Julius Dean pop up and just do magic tricks. DJ Bliss, the number one musician in that area, showed up and started playing for us. All of these unique individuals come together and start co Creating this beautiful atmosphere. But it all started out because I was once lonely, bored, and felt that I had no friends. The reason I share this story with you is because if you are feeling that way, I want you to practice this. Create your own gathering. All it takes is a willingness to connect people and serve. Many of us want friends. We want to be part of special events. But we don't make the initiative to actually create a database of fascinating people and then act as a host to bring these people together. When you connect people, you are giving someone the greatest gift you can give them. The gift of allies, friendships, sometimes even lovers. If you're feeling lonely, don't wait for someone to ask you out. If you feel that you're not meeting the right people, don't wait to be invited into some exclusive group. Start your own gatherings. Follow the model that I created. Start collecting people. So if you feel lonely, if you feel you're not being invited to events, if you feel that you're not meeting the right people, perhaps you might want to try something similar. Don't wait to be invited. Do the inviting. You may think that there's nothing special about you. But look, if you start collecting fascinating people, you instantly become special because you're the person with the list. Keep that in mind. When my US Visa ended and I had to leave the United States and go back to Malaysia, I started from scratch. I had no friends in Malaysia. It was that loneliness that was the spark that caused the gathering idea to emerge.
