The #1 Rule of the Mind | Marisa Peer

Words are really powerful. You can choose to be negative or positive. That's your choice. But you cannot choose what you do to yourself when you use negative language. So let's go through the rules of the mind. Here is the first one. What is expected tends to be realized. When you say to a child, I don't know what's wrong with you. Your brother was in my class last year, and he was so good. Why can't you learn? Why can't you sit still? Why are you so disruptive? What is wrong with you? You're making words that form a child's blueprint. And exactly the same for adults. I'm referring this a lot to children. But for the therapists here, those children come in as your clients. But it's just the same for adult. If your boss says to you, can you do this? And you go, oh, my God, I'm going to have to race through it, and I'm going to have to rush it. I haven't got enough time to prepare. I know I'm going to get it wrong. I'm going to go on stage, open my mouth and go, I look like a complete retard. Well, when you say that, it tends to be realized. And here's one of my favorite rules of the mind. The mind responds to words that make a picture. So in America, they were giving these kids pencils called don't do drugs. And as they sharpened them, the word don't disappeared, and they said, do drugs. Not very smart. You just put that the other way around. What is expected tends to be realized. When a child is doing something like climbing a tree, and the mother goes, you're going to fall. You're going to break your leg. Oh, my God, you're going to break your ankle. You can make that happen. And when you say to the child, now I know you're climbing the tree, look where you're putting your hands. Look where you're going to place your feet. Focus on what you're doing. That will be realized. So in powerful language, you can never say, you're going to fall. You're going to mess that up. You're going to ruin everything. That's just not going to work out. You have to say the opposite. Okay, I've only got 10 minutes to prepare my speech. I only need 10 minutes. I've only got 10 minutes to get there. That's exactly how much time I need. And if I'm late, I wasn't supposed to be there on time. I have a belief now, when I get to a Party late. It's because I wasn't meant to get there early. I no longer go. My God, I'm so late. This is going to be terrible. I was recently going in a cab across town to get a train to work with a football team and we got stuck in traffic and so I was playing a game. I thought, oh, my God, I'm going to miss the train. This is terrible. I'm going to ruin my reputation. The team are going to be so upset. And I felt really sick. And then I started to say, the trains run every 20 minutes. It doesn't matter. What's 20 minutes? My material's so great. They have lots of time. After all, they Finish practicing at 3 o' clock and. And it was fine. So all the way there, I was playing a game and I actually got the train on time, but they really wouldn't have minded. But I could have ruined my day, made myself panicky and sweaty, but going, oh, my God, I haven't got enough time. And now it's all ruined. And it's never ruined. You can come back from anything. And then I worked with a client who had cancer and had to go into this MRI scanner. And every time I saw him, he said, I can't do it. I can't get in that scanner. And I wonder. He said, well, I feel like I'm in my coffin, like it's a premonition of my death. And I get in the scanner, I think, well, I've got cancer and I'm going to die. And I said, well, I freak out. I press the button, I have to come out. And he keeps saying, look, you've got to. I can't. I can't even be in there for two seconds. Which is not true. I can't do it for even a second. He probably was in there for a few minutes. I said, look, the words you say to yourself in that scanner, this is a premonition of my death. I feel like I'm in a coffin. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't do it. That's a blueprint. And your mind doesn't like those words. So how about these words? How about saying, I'm in my bed at home and I'm just so chilled and I could lie here for hours. I'm chilled, I'm relaxed, I'm blissed out. You must use words that make a picture. You can't go, oh, I'm okay, really, I'm quite good. I'm not bad. This is okay. Because when I Say the words. Okay, not bad. Where's the picture? There's no picture. It's what I call fluff. When you say, I'm chilled, I'm blissed out, I'm ecstatic. I'm just lying here and I could do this for hours. It's just so cool. The mind goes, you're right. And when you go, I'm in a coffin and I'm suffocating, The mind goes, you're right. See, here's a great thing. You can choose any words you like. You can go, well, we're all going to be negative, and this half's going to be positive. That's your choice. You know what? You can't choose what you do to yourself when you say, I'm an idiot, I'm a moron, I'm a retard, I've got rocks for brains. Everything goes wrong. Who would ever like me? I've got cellulite, I'm a single parent, I've got no chance, blah, blah, blah. I didn't go to college, so I couldn't possibly do what you do. I. I got kicked out of college, by the way, so you can definitely do what I do. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can look at my life and say, being fired, being dumped, and being kicked out of college. Thank you, God, for putting that up to me, because it changed my life. It was the best thing. Rejection has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Being the least favorite kid. If I could have my life again, I'd go back and be the least favorite kid because I thought, I'm going to show my parents that I'm something. And if I was the favorite, I wouldn't have done that. I would have had a totally different life. So with my client, I was saying, you know, these words are really important. So he got in the scanner, he stayed there for hours, and he said that when he came out, all the nurses and doctors came in and gave him a standing ovation. He said it was more powerful than his last business deal because he felt so good. Some years later, I had to go in a scanner. I thought, well, I'm just going to play with this. I love playing with words. So I lay there and I was going, I'm so chilled. This is so good. How many of us would say, I'd love 20 minutes to myself. Well, here I am, 20 minutes to myself. I can lie here and do nothing. No one's going, can you proof this copy? Can you answer this email? Can you speak to this client? My daughter's going, mummy, my boiler's broken in my apartment. Can you come over right now and fix it? I had 20 minutes to myself and I was going, I'm so chilled. And then I thought, let's do the opposite. So I started to go, I'm in a coffin. I've got claustrophobia. I feel like I'm trapped. And all the buzzers went off and I didn't even know I was moving. And then they speak to her, marissa, you have to lie completely still. Stop moving. So I had to go back into. I'm chilled, I'm ecstatic, I'm blissed out. And I love doing that. It's a really good thing to do to yourself. I'm late. I've ruined everything. I have all the time I need. You see, you have a choice. Every day you get to choose how to speak to yourself. But you know what? You don't get to choose what you do to your body when you say, I'm an idiot. I knew I'd mess that up. I knew that relationship wouldn't work. I've been waiting for it to go wrong. In fact, the day we got married, I stuck stickers on all my stuff so that when we got divorced, there'd be no confusion. I was already planning the miscarriage. I didn't buy anything for my baby. I mean, who does that? Lots of people. Apparently, they're all my clients and they plan for stuff to go wrong. They say, I sent my kid to college. And I said, don't worry, you're probably going to hate it. Here's a credit card so you can get a return ticket back in a week's time. They plan it. And you don't want to plan it, you want to ban it. So words are really powerful. You can choose to be negative or positive. That's your choice. But you cannot choose what you do to yourself when you use negative language. So the first rule of the mind, what you expect is realized. Who thinks that's true? So here's my advice to you expect amazing things. Then if what is expected tends to be realized, expect the best. Expect love and success and an amazing life. Because you know what? It will probably be realized really fast if you expect it.