The Benefits Of Meditation For Sex | Emily Fletcher

So in India, there's basically two branches of meditation. Obviously there's thousands of different styles, but they sort of come from either a style that was made for monks or a style that was made for what we call householders. And this was news to me when I first started learning about meditation because I thought, well, whatever monks are practicing, it must be like super powerful. They must be like vibrating or levitating or something because they're monks. But actually it's the other way around. If you have a job and kids and stuff to do, you have less time in your day with which to meditate. So you actually need to get in and really clean house so that when you come out of that meditation, you have more bliss, fulfillment, joy to give to the people, places and things around you, versus if you're a monk, that is your contribution to society. You're meditating all day, so you can afford to do something that's a little bit more gentle. So if you're a householder, meaning that you live in a house and want to have kids and like having sex and stuff, then there's no reason that you can't think about sex when you're meditating or that we can't use meditation to make your sex better. So I am going to talk about the science behind why meditation can help us in bed. But first I want to talk about relationships. You guys are like, I did not get up this early to talk about relationships. Let's get to the good stuff. But let's think about relationships. I believe that relationships exist for two reasons. One, to teach us our lessons and two, to be an outlet for our fulfillment. So I think in the west we've sort of given relationships this thing of like, well, if I get married and if we have kids and if we have a house with a white picket fence, then I won, then that was a successful relationship. But I want you to think back to the relationships in your lives. And my hypothesis is that you've had lots of successful relationships, even if you're not still with this person. I really believe that each new person, each new relationship, it's like a new syllabus, it's like a new grade in school. And if you learn the lesson, then you get to up level to a new grade, to a new lesson. You keep just attracting more and more beautiful people into your life. So that's thing one, relationships exist to teach us our lessons. Thing two is that I believe that relationships are an outlet for our fulfillment. They are not a place that we can go to fill ourselves up. And secretly we know this, but Hollywood has sort of screwed us on this one a little bit with three little complete me. You don't complete me. You can't complete me. If I am 80% fulfilled and I go into a relationship looking for the other 20%, I am always going to be disappointed because guess what, you guys, your bliss lives in one place and that is inside of you. And it exists in one time and that is right now. And if you don't have the ability to experience that bliss and fulfillment inside of you and right now, it's not going to happen on the other side of some magical person. It is not going to happen on the other side of some knight in shining armor or the hottest lady in the room. It doesn't matter how amazing that partner is. And then what happens is we've got, you know, like Carl was saying, we have this I'll be happy when syndrome. I'll be happy when I'm in this relationship. I'll be happy when my partner starts going to therapy. I'll be happy when my partner starts meditating, right? And then we're in this where I'm 80% fulfilled, I'm doing really good, I'm proud of my 80%. But I'm secretly pissed at you because you haven't given me that other 20%. So you know what? I'll be happy as soon as I get rid of this ding dong head, let me get rid of this guy, and then I'll be happy. Right? But it doesn't work that way. And what meditation does is that it gives us access to this limitless source of bliss and fulfillment and adaptation energy. And if you have the means by which to fill yourself up 100% fulfillment happening right here inside of you, then your relationships become an outlet for that fulfillment. And that is a beautiful way to go through your relationships. Then it starts this sort of paradoxical, reciprocal upward spiral. You guys are like, yeah, yeah, I get it. When does the sex start? So ladies, I have a question for you. When was the last time you hooked up with somebody and then the next day you called your friend and you were like, girl, last night I had the most amazing sex with this guy. He looked way older than his age and he had this slammin pot belly and he was so distracted the whole time. My guess is that that has never happened. And gentlemen, now I have a question for you. When is the last time you said, oh, dude, I hooked up with this girl last night and it was so hot. She was incredibly nervous, intense and self conscious. About her body and she was checking out her cellulite in the mirror all night. Like that has never happened. Right? We don't. This thing, this stress thing, like I talked about yesterday, this stress thing is robbing us from our full performance capabilities, not only in work, but also in the bedroom. Because guess what happens when you get stressed. I'll do a little Cliff's notes from yesterday. When you get stressed, your body starts preparing for a predatory attack. So your body launches into this series of chemical reactions. Your digestion shuts down, your skin gets acidic, your blood thickens and coagulates, your vision goes like this, your bladder and bowels evacuate, and your immune system goes to the back burner. Now, this series of chemical reactions is great for you if your demands are predatory attacks. But if you're about to get it on, you do not want to be having the nervous poos, you guys. It's not a sexy time for that. And so what we do when we meditate is we start to get rid of this stress in our nervous system, which allows us to be fully present when we go into any encounter. But certainly sex, because sex more than anything requires a present moment awareness. So what's the number one excuse? Like the sort of stereotypical excuse that we give when we don't want to have sex? Tired. Yeah, and like, I can't tonight, honey. I have a headache. Right. We got tired and a headache. So if meditation is giving you rest, that is five times deeper than sleep. Then when you come out of that meditation, you're going to be more awake, you're going to have more energy to get it on. You're going to be able to afford a little bit less sleep because you've meditated that day. So you're ready to rock headaches. Meditation cures 90% of migraines if they're stress related. Also, PS's little extra bonus tip for you guys, if you do suffer from migraines, one of the only things that will stop it if you catch it early on is masturbation. Why? Because when you orgasm, the vascular system in your brain expands and it allows blood to flow to your brain. So if you do suffer from migraines, a meditate. And if that doesn't work, masturbate. Oh yeah, thanks. Yes. Let's hear it from masturbation, you guys. He goes, that's why I don't get headaches. I sure do love you guys. So the other thing that happens when we get stressed is that our body floods with adrenaline and cortisol. And guess what? Happens when your body has a ton of cortisol. One, it starts storing fat. So, like this whole belly fat thing, your body is preparing for some sort of an emergency, so it starts hunkering down for the winter. The other thing that happens when you have cortisol is that it will cause erectile dysfunction. And also, if women have a certain level of cortisol in their body, they are physically incapable of orgasming. So this is not like just a hippy dippy. Like, oh, if you meditate, you'll be more present and you'll have, like, you'll see each other's chakras and things. It's like, no, if you're too stressed, you can't orgasm. And so, you guys, why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we running around so stressed about everything instead of enjoying things in the right now? And the good news is there's simple solutions. Exercise every day, meditate, do yoga so that you're prepared to give your partner your all. And then finally, orgasming. Orgasming is one of the things that can only happen in the right here and in the right now. You're never going to have an orgasm in the future. You're never going to have an orgasm in the past. It is the only thing that happens right here, right now. Just like bliss and fulfillment. And as I said yesterday, ziva is a Sanskrit word that means bliss. It's also a word that means radiance or kindness. And the more you start meditating, the more you start to access this bliss inside of you. And then you have more of it to give to your partner, to your fulfillment. And then it starts this beautiful reciprocal upward spiral of the more you give, the more you get. And then finally, and this is the most fascinating thing that happens in meditation, is that it starts to increase. Something called mirror neurons. Has anyone heard of mirror neurons? It's a relatively recent discovery, but they're saying that mirror neurons will do for psychology what DNA did for biology. So here's the Broadway showgirl's description of mirror neurons. I am not a neuroscientist, but I just pretend to be one sometimes. So mirror neurons, the way I understand them, it's like you have little boomerangs in your brain, okay? And it's like these boomerangs go out and they interact with someone else's mirror neurons, and then they come back and they report that data into your brain. It's like, you know, your friend walks into a room and she's in a bad mood, and before she says anything, you're like, oh honey, you can just feel that she's sad. That's mirror neurons. You walk into a yoga studio and it feels really good. That's mirror neurons. And the more you meditate, the more you increase this mirror neural activity. So if I were to have a knife up here and I were to slice my hand, you would go like, like it would hurt you a little bit. That's mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are the reason that porn is a multi billion dollar industry. We watch someone else having pleasure and it gives us pleasure. So if you start meditating, you start increasing these mirror neurons in your brain, you're actually going to get more pleasure for from watching your partner have pleasure, which is going to make you a more generous lover. And we get what we give. The more you give something, the more you receive it. And so it really starts to create this beautiful flow and spiral.