Vishen LakhianiFounder of Mindvalley | NYT Bestselling Author | Transforming Lives Globally

The Hidden Costs of Emotional Suppression: Why we need to start validating emotions

5 Apr 2023 · 1 min

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1:07

A speaker (Vishen Lakhiani) discusses how upbringing shapes emotional expression, arguing that many parents discourage children from showing negative emotions which teaches emotional suppression. Using a personal example of his nearly two-year-old daughter, he emphasizes that young children lack developed prefrontal cortexes and therefore have limited emotional regulation, so caregivers should validate rather than shut down feelings.

Chapters

Looking into our upbringing, what were we taught? Was it okay to speak our mind? Were we actually seen, heard and validated at the dinner table? I have a almost two year old daughter at home. First of all, their prefrontal cortex has not been formed. It doesn't get formed until 25. So they have zero emotional regulation. They're our biggest teachers. So they are going to feel all of their feels. They are going to whine and scream and pout and all of the things and I can just start saying stop right now. Stop crying. Stop it. Don't you dare. Because that's what I heard when I was growing up. I'm sure you probably heard the same thing. A lot of us heard that growing up. And what are we then doing to the little girl? Well, we're teaching her that. Nope. We're not going to get love, we're not going to get approval, we're not going to get anything until you actually show me a happy face. Right. You're also teaching them to suppress their emotions. Absolutely. So then what are they going to do? They're going to come up to you and say, okay, I'm going to just. I'm going to be my happy self because the happiness is only going to get dad or mom's attention. Was that taught in your household?