This YouTube interview features Marisa Peer describing formative experiences of feeling different, being judged (her father was a headmaster), and receiving a medical prognosis at 17 that she would not have children. At about 17–18 she experienced a turning point: choosing not to give her power to others and to begin believing in herself. She later became pregnant and had a healthy daughter, and she highlights that the most important words are the ones you tell yourself. She also recounts being expelled from college as a liberating rejection that helped her shape her life.
Chapters
The bane of your life is to be different. You know, we're tribal people, we need to connect. We connect by being the same. And I never felt the same. I felt different. I felt ugly, I felt stupid, I felt gawky. You know, when I grew up, my father was my headmaster, or you might say the principal. And that was a horrible thing. As a kid, you know, I was 11 years old and 18 year old kids would come and go, you, dad. So I won't even say the word. And that was awful. And I felt like a really hideous freak. I had these long skinny legs. I thought I was ugly. And only that the teachers expected me to be extremely smart and bright. And I never felt smart and bright. In fact, I thought I was stupid. It was very difficult because I felt different. When I was about 17, I was told I could never have children.
A doctor told you you could never have children?
He told me I would never have children when I was 17. But I also remember even at 17, beginning to think, you know what? You must never give your power to other people. I began to realize that it was on me. Not what my father told me, not what the doctor told me. And when he began to say that, I heard myself saying, stop, because I will not let that in. Even then I knew if I let.
That in, what caused that shift? Because you were going through this awkwardness, you were told you couldn't have children, and somewhere when you were 17 or 18, a resistance came to that. You decided to fight back.
What happened? Yeah, I decided to fight back. So what happened to me was quite interesting in that When I was 17, I had a gorgeous boyfriend who completely loved me, and I had a grandmother who loved me. And I realized that they believed in me. But then I realized something else. Oh, they believe in me. And that's changing everything. But how about if I believed in me? And I think that was my turning point, that if people believe in you, it's great because up until then I really hadn't had that. But then I also understood that it's down to me believing in me. If I believe in me, I can change my life. So when that doctor said to me, you won't have children, I knew that I had to not let that in. And in fact, actually I went on to get pregnant very easily. When I was pregnant, I had a few times when the nursing people said, well, you're going to lose this baby, and this baby's going to have all kinds of things wrong with it. Going back to the diagnosis I had, I wouldn't get pregnant. And in fact, my daughter was perfect. She was born perfect. And then I realized something important. I realized, because by then I had the nice boyfriend and I had the grandmother. I realized that the words you hear shape you. But the most important words you will ever hear in your entire life are the words you say to yourself. It's the words you say to you. And I began, you know, I got kicked out of college. I forgot that I was asked to leave. And my father was very upset. And I did leave. And it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, was being rejected. Sounds funny now. But it was the best thing because it made me realize that I could shape my life. I could steer my life. I could do anything, be anything, go anywhere. But it was always down to how I spoke to myself, the words I said to myself. And, you know, we give everyone else the power. Can you praise me? Can you make me feel good? But I realized it was down to me, Sam.
