Why Every Great Love Story Needs Conflict: Lessons from Powerful Couples | Ep #55

We have this weird saying, you're born alone and you die alone, which you're not. You're born with your mother there. And only in very rare circumstances would you ever die alone. We have lost the art of spirituality. Done with another human.

This panel is designed for us to really dive deep into how sacred sexuality can help to fuel your relationship.

You get to meet the divine, the raunchiest, deepest, kinkiest, whatever you want to express, and the divine is present.

Do you know the.

No.

Number one thing that people say when they're orgasming? Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

We change so much, and the change doesn't happen at the same time.

The purpose of our existence is to evolve. So find someone who stokes that.

Sacred sexuality becomes the brick and mortar that is higher, better, more powerful than the sum of the two parts that comprise it.

How did you know that this was your person?

And I think there's three things. Do you feel safe? Do you feel respected? And are you having.

The more I see her spiral upwards and be this vector of change, of liberation, the more in love I am.

I'm more passionately and insanely in love with this person than I ever thought was possible.

I truly wouldn't be 5% of the man I am today if it was this woman. It makes me cry.

Once you know that this is the person, how do you then make them the priority? How do you handle ruptures? How do you handle conflict? How do you know the difference between settling and compromise? Good morning, everyone. Who is excited to learn from these exquisite couples how they have drawn in their partnership, how they have maintained health and hotness with over many years. Who's excited to learn from these amazing humans? Yes. And I'd love to know how many people are single in this room right now. Okay, take a look around. Find your other single folks. Okay, great. And how many of you are partnered and is your. And if your partner is here, keep your hand up. Okay, exciting. So this panel is designed for us to really dive deep into how sacred sexuality can help to fuel your relationship. And how these amazing humans called in their beloveds. And also how they handle conflict. And the fun little fact every single couple on this stage right now has broken up before. What we're going to learn what happens when you break up and come back together. And how the ruptures can actually be opportunities for greater intimacy. So this. I feel excited for this panel because it's really our. Our biggest time during this whole conference to talk about sacred sexuality inside of relating to and obviously a Relationship can only be as healthy as the two as the people in it. But I'd love to start with you, Layla. How have you. I mean, obviously, this is your life's work, but how have you found sacred sexuality has enhanced your relationship with Babak? And this is something I'd like for each of you to answer because it's obviously the theme of our panel. And then after this, you can just take the questions that feel most relevant. But how has sacred sexuality made this relationship what it is and perhaps different from past relationships?

Yeah. One thing I find fascinating about sacred sexuality is that it's spirituality deeply practiced with another human. And in the west, we've really internalized this idea that spirituality is solo and it's only lone wolf. And we have this weird saying, you're born alone and you die alone, which you're not. You're born with your mother there, and only in very rare circumstances would you ever die alone. And while there are certain aspects of the spiritual journey that you can only do solo. Right. That it's so important to meet yourself, I believe that we have lost the art of spirituality done with another human. And so while all of us practice breath work and meditation together, there is nothing like orgasming in the eyes of your beloved and going into full sacred union when your bodies are lit up and active. And so some of the fundamental tenets that I feel are required to have a sacred sexuality practice, they end up shaping the whole nature of your intimate dynamic. So one of those is to get rid of the idea that sex is only about pleasure, because sex is about life itself. And so if you want full spectrum aliveness, you have to open yourself into a portal of sexuality that allows you to express the fullness of your being. It'd be like if you went to an ayahuasca ceremony and you were like, I'm only gonna feel pleasure. That's it. I'm only gonna feel pleasure. Right. How long until you cracked? Or would you just not be able to do the ceremony at all? So one of the beautiful things about sacred sexuality is we get to express the fullness of ourselves. And that starts to translate into everything that we do. We're no longer just playing nice. We're no longer always wearing masks. Because if I can scream like a wild banshee covered in sweat with my tongue hanging out and be the dark embodied goddess on top of his.

Then.

Like, we can also be more real at breakfast.

Yes.

One other piece is that we are energy fluent. You can't have sacred sexuality without an activation of Energy. And again, activation of kundalini or activation of our chakras is usually something that we're taught to do alone.

Right?

We do it in a yoga class, we do it in meditation, we do it solo in ceremony. So to get to be energy fluent with another human, to have our kundalini speak to itself as we're making love, to have our heart chakras activate together, to touch our third eyes together in union, all of this feeds sacred sexuality. And it also creates a spiritual dimension to our relating that I believe all of us deserve. It's not just for a special few humans. It's what all of us were built to experience.

So beautiful. Babak, anything you want to add to that or should we go to Rachel and Johan? Yeah. Okay. So I'm specifically interested with you two because both of you, obviously this is your work as well. But the thing I hear the most from our expanded friends group about your relationship is this idea of co devotion. And so I'd love to know how your co devotion plays in with sacred sexuality.

Yeah, I think to what Layla expressed that I think is not widely spoken about is like, from the very first moment we have had a shared practice and that's been like, that was our first date, was meditating on the beach. That set the tone for our relationship. No matter. In the mid, in the midst of like the craziest rupture, the most betrayal and devastation, we came back to our practice and we came back to sexuality. And for me, I was like more of the newbie. I was practicing on my own. And then when I met Johan, I went right into deep tantric practices, which when we first got together, he was edging and not coming at all for the first six months of our relationship. So me as a woman moving into that space, I was like, what does it mean if he doesn't come? Am I pleasing him? It brought up all of this stuff that we got to immediately go into from the beginning of our relationship, which promoted this, this depth of communication and then to not only experience pleasure, but to just be in the discovery of whatever was coming up in the moment, intimacy wise, which was a lot of vulnerability and a lot of fear on my point. Like I couldn't hardly even look at him in the eye when we were first making love. I was so vulnerable. I was so. Even though I was projected on to be this type of woman, I hadn't even experienced that myself. So.

Yeah, well, we're having flashbacks here. She kept her eyes closed a lot. She was like, you know, I'm Continuously blown away how deep this portal goes. You know, it's like. It's this idea of, like, you've lived in this certain home your whole life, and then. And you don't know that there is another door. And then you open the door and there's just a whole other universe in there. That's what sacred sexuality is. And somehow in our culture, we're kind of. I don't know, like, we're just supposed to know stuff, you know, like, oh, yeah, it's sex. Everybody knows what sex is, but we, We. We're touching, like, this much. And just because we don't know that there is so much more. And for us, just even recently, we did the Santra experience in. In Bali and we were just like, oh, wow. You know? And so I would say that sacred sexuality is instead of needing to look for outside that aliveness, you really get to find it in your partnership. And it's because of the partnership and the safety of your partnership that you get to then go so deep. Because things will come up, right? Your shadow, your fears, your traumas, and things will emerge. And it's only within the sacred partnership that you can really allow those parts of you, I think, to come forth, to be healed. A lot of times it's generational stuff that we didn't even know that we had that comes forward and that we get to really heal. And. And it gets to be fun and beautiful, and you get to just fall deeper and deeper in love with life and with your partner, with yourself, with the divine. And. And really, in my experience, and they already spoke to this, it's like you get to meet the divine through your lovemaking. And it doesn't mean. It's like you're just like, you know, I don't know. I had this idea. It just means you're just like, not even touching. It's just, like, energy, right? No, you get to be in all of it, like the raunchiest, deepest, kinkiest, whatever you want to express. And the divine is present. And so it just gets better and better forever and ever. And I'm just so, so grateful that we live in a day and an age where it's more accessible to all of us to touch.

Yeah, I love this that you said that there's no ceiling on the pleasure. And actually, fun fact, do you know the number one thing that people say when they're orgasming? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Or they say the name of their partner, which in that moment is the same thing, because you are Meeting God in that moment. So I had the great pleasure of having dinner with both of you angels a few nights ago. And you said that you're relationship would not still exist if it were not for erotic embodiment, which is a form of sacred sexuality. And I want to really celebrate. How many years have you been together?

They're very shy.

What's our anniversary? Honey, believe it or not, we're both shy.

35 years.

35 years. Amazing.

We've been getting along for two weeks now.

You've been getting along for two weeks. Okay. In those two weeks, it's been really spectacular. I've seen it. So you, you've mentioned the words animalistic, you've mentioned erotic embodiment. But how has sacred sexuality fed your 35 year relationship? You did know this was a panel in sacred sexuality, right, Richard?

Well, we. We like to fuck.

You heard it here first, kids, they like to fuck with that on Twitter.

I spent an entire season as a young man, young kid going to a football game in New York City behind a pillar. So I feel for you guys because I didn't get to see any football. Let me know if you want me to translate body language or anything like that. What's the question?

Okay. So when I hear the term Fuck, I think 3D sex, like physical body. Physical body.

No, for us, it constantly changes and I think it's affected a lot by what's going on in our lives. I don't think we. I think Sheila always wanted to do the stuff that you guys do.

Yeah, well, I guess what I don't call what I do sacred sexuality. I call it animal embodiment. And so he and I learned very early on to ride our animal energy. So we are both actors and we both have trained in emotional energy. We both trained with embodiment.

So we're both very like.

There's very few words with our eroticism and our sexuality. And it's very, very multi layered and soulful as well as just deeply pleasurable and physical.

Yeah, it's. It's unconsciously and then later consciously aware of is how deep we go loving each other and, and sexually.

Are you getting shy?

I like it.

I like you too.

Shy and, and I less heard, you know, lead into various new territories. You know, I think because I like to please her.

You let her lead into new sexual territory?

No. In terms of whatever she's been reading.

Okay.

Or learning lately. Hopefully not too far away from home, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah. And then stuff that I bring home from whatever Experiences I've had, it changes. And it's not.

You mean, like, just to be. It's not here. Do you mean, like your. Your jobs or other partnerships?

No, no, no other partnerships.

Okay.

It's. Yeah. Jobs, experiences, life. I would go away a lot and come back and I'd be different. And she would. Sheila would experience some kind of new place in the work that she does. And there's a difference that we. You know, I look at this as the partnership as you go out into the world. Kind of like, what's his name? And it's a wonderful life. You know, he desperately wanted to go out in the world and fill himself up and then found that at home is where. Where his world was. But we have a way of going out in the world and still coming back home. And when we go on the world and get filled up to the degree that we get filled up, that's when you can give more. So. Right. I mean, you can't really give fully until you fill up fully. Right. So. And we change, but we just change a lot. I think the thing about staying together for so long that's been working for us is that we change. We change so much. And the change doesn't happen at the same time, because maybe it does for you guys because you're practicing a thing, but we are just going out and living independently and then coming back and finding home again in a new way.

Yeah. So I'd love to talk about this concept of home. Is there anything you want to add.

To that, Sheila, the concept of.

No, just on that original question.

Oh, no.

Jaheed said it.

It's the autonomy. We're super, super autonomous, and we. You know, I have my passion with S Factor, and he's always brilliant actor. In case you don't know who he is. He's a phenomenal actor.

I'm really good.

Outstanding. I would say.

He's always doing a role, and the roles infuse who I'm fucking. And it's true. And you saw the icons that I'm always playing with a new iconic energy with him. And so it's just very varied and exciting, and sometimes it's dark and sometimes it's light and funny and, yeah, it's just rich.

So this is interesting that if. If each individual in the relationship keeps evolving, then it's not really monogamy because you're, like, with a new person every time you do a new role. Every time someone has a spiritual awakening, you're like, oh, I get to experience a whole new person. But we've talked about this idea of home, right? Of like, this relationship feels like home. And so I'd like to rewind, especially those for those of us who are single here, like, how did you know that your person was home? How did you know that this was your person? And the follow up question here is, how do you know the difference between settling and compromise?

Right?

Because every relationship requires compromise. But, like, at what point are you settling and betraying what your standards are for yourself? So that's sort of like one. That's the challenging side of it. But then there's the, like, I just knew the moment I saw him, it was the full fuck, yes, this was home. So I'd love for you guys to speak about that. Of, like, how did you know that this was your person?

I love this question so much because I love compromise. I think it's so important. I think compromise has gotten, like a really bad rap, right? And I think that learning how to compromise in relationship is one of the most exquisite things that we can do. I'll speak to. The first thing is like, when I met Johan, I was like, oh, he can hold me.

Yeah.

Damn, Karen's looking to be held.

I should be like, yeah, what lady.

In here doesn't want to. Yeah, it's like I had been with. I can get bored very, very, very easily because I'm very fast and I'm cycling through things at rapid speed and I'm voracious. And when I met him, I felt this stillness. And we had. When we first met, we had these, like, these hugs, these. We would hug for like 20 minutes. I know, I was like, pro tip.

Oh, my God.

And it was so. It was incredible. And it was very early on that I felt home. And yet the beginning of our relationship was a lot of ups and downs. And the energy of not settling was. I really felt that I was experiencing new heights in myself with Johan. And I loved how he challenged me. That was the most exciting part, is that I had someone who could stand up to me. And it was exhilarating and it created in, you know, incredible chemistry between us. And there was a lot of compromise. He's really strong personality and I'm a really.

Yeah.

You know, and it was such an incredible moment. And I remember having this conversation with a lot of friends because at that time a lot of girlfriends were like, what are you doing? You know, what, what's. It was like, you're.

You're.

And I'm like, I'm making an adjustment. But the adjustment that I'm making is better than what was.

Oof.

And that was huge. A lot of people didn't like it because I was changing and I wasn't doing, you know, the normal things, but it was. It was waking up at sunrise to go, do, you know, a two hour meditation or, you know, going for a moonlit hike or having sex on top of a mountain or all these things.

These are the sacrifices you need to make for your partner.

I know they're real.

She really put it in time, you guys.

I did.

It sounds like a tough road, Rachel.

It was. I'm sorry, but I think it's a really beautiful, important question. Because when you and I loved what you said, Sheila is like, you're changing constantly. And a lot of us have heard this thing of, like, find a partner that doesn't ever make you change.

Oof.

That's a really old standard.

Right.

We are meant, like, the purpose of our existence is to evolve, and so find someone who stokes that and in a way, who challenges it a little bit, who's willing to stand in front of you and ask you why you're choosing something that doesn't necessarily give you what you want.

Right.

Where is that connected to?

So beautiful. How did y' all know?

Yeah.

I'll let Layla speak to the notion of home, but for me, I'd like to speak to more to the notion of compromise versus settling. So, as Rachel alluded to, we too are very big personalities. And hitherto up until this point, we'd both been used to being in relatively executive dynamics, whereby there was the person who was, like, running the show and had their ecosystem and was the vector of movement through the world. And there was another partner who was fundamentally in a support role. And one of the first things I said to her in a gorgeous beach in Baja, as it became apparent that we were going to really do this, I was like, I am not Mr. Martin. I am not your handbag. I am running my own show. Just so you know.

Yeah.

And she was like, cool, bro. Settle down.

Well, did that turn you on? Or just really quick, would you be like, yes, this is so hot. Or are you pissed?

The funny thing is, the room is in her name, and every time the six senses pick up the phone, they're like, hello, Mr. Martin. Which. Hilarious. Hilarious. Anyway, I digress. So very, very quickly, very early on, it became apparent that there was this extraordinary degree of upward spiraling that was going to be available to us. There was this phenomenal exchange of codes, of mystic traditions that was waiting to be birthed. Between us. And there were also these fairly crystallized, dare I say, egos in the way going. So the notion of compromise, the notion of the creation of a syncretic organism was first and foremost on our to do list. And what we did was be incredibly intentional about it. We had to break up before we got to this breakthrough. But we, we really sat down and thought. Companies create an ethos. People write a mission statement for how they move in the world, so shall we. For our container. And we wrote down our. Individually wrote down our top 10 values and then we sat down and we found where the 20 things that we'd listed, obviously some of them were going to be exactly the same. So they went to the top of our joint value list. But from those list of 20 different values, we came up with an amalgamated 10. And this was the North Star, this was the philosophical North Star and the ethos of our container. And then we work to embody and live in accordance with this value, set through the principles of truth, love, beauty and harmony. A three legged dynamic stool, Right?

That's four legs like truth, love, beauty.

Harmony, Beauty slash harmony.

Okay, okay, all right.

Beauty and harmony are actually. They're interchangeable.

Okay.

Right.

So neither of these three things can be compromised at any one time. If you forsake truth in order to maintain beauty, harmony or owner, to create a sense of love, both of those things will be eroded in the fullness of time when the betrayal of truth comes to light. Similarly, if you bludgeon your partner with unkind truth, beauty and harmony will suffer, I promise you. So we found that in the dynamic balance of those things, there had to be a rewriting of the way in which we showed up in relationships massively to account for the bigness and the grandness of the other, but to simultaneously be the wind under one another's wings. But to also ensure that we move forward as individuals and that our joint, we moves forward simultaneously at the same time.

So beautiful. So if you were going to give. I love this. If you were going to give everyone in this room an assignment of writing down, like the ethos of the relationship, what would that look like? At what point would you recommend doing it? And did you sit down and you did your 10? She did her 10. And then you combine them.

I wish we'd done it at inception. It would have saved us so much heartache and so much like crazy oscillations of our pendulum. But I mean, there's, there's the old Chinese saying of when's the best time to plant a tree 20 years ago. When's the next best time? Right now. Wherever. If, if you are at the inception point of your relating, or if you're calling in a relationship, do this now, do this for yourself. But wherever you are in the point of your union, make a point, make a time to do this, because this creates the framework that allows a thriving ecosystem to come into being. And then when you add sacred sexuality and non discursive energy exchange into the. Into the fray, into the equation, incredible things start to happen. Sacred sexuality becomes the brick and mortar. It becomes the actual building blocks that allow you to better embody and better move forward in accordance with this value ethos that you create as this joint entity, as this new single or organism that is higher, better, more powerful than the sum of the two parts that comprise it. That is the whole idea of sacred union, of divine union.

Yeah.

Yeah. So speaking to home, physical home, we're a terrible match because Babak finds incredible peace in orderliness and everything being incredibly clean. And anybody who knows me well will tell you I am legit the messiest human that has ever existed. It's outrageous thing. So we just decided to have two wings in our house so I can be messy as fuck. But in terms of where we found home, we actually did have the experience of the first moment that we saw each other, which was that burning man. He actually came to my sex magic with miss Emily Fletcher guarding the door. And that was when Vishen found all of us. And two years later, here we are sitting on stage and when me and my beloved looked each other in the eyes, that was the first time that I ever felt like, oh, wow, like I know you, I know you. And that because every single time we find each other's eyes again, that feeling sustains us along with the experience that our sense of what can we build in partnership with other people, no fault of their own, nothing on the other person. But the alchemy of a partnership is so important and. And we felt instead of planting a garden or growing a singular tree, we are in the Amazon rainforest together. There's infinite possibility, there's infinite growth, there's infinite depth. And those two things combined keep us in it. And I think for every couple, it's different of what makes you stay in it. Because for us, I have, you know, as I shared with you yesterday, really deep daddy issues, right? I come from complex trauma, childhood sexual abuse. Babak is a child of war, grew up in Tehran during the revolution with his family targeted. And so it's taken so much for us to learn to honor the beauty of what we have and the love of what we have beyond our trauma. And yet that feeling of being so at home with one another and the jungle of relationship between us being so beautiful that we are so compelled to grow it and create it and see it thrive, that it also makes us do some of the deepest work on our triggers and traumas, because we absolutely trigger the fuck out of each other.

Yeah.

And we're going to be talking about this in a moment, but I'd like to hear from you, Richard and Sheila. How did you know it was home? How did you know that he was home? That this relationship was home?

I did not know that he was home. I didn't even know that he was even a remote town near me. Here's my list that I made once in my twenties when I went to a seminar. Six foot four from Ireland, lawyer, super buff, huge Irish family.

So. Wait, wait, wait. So when this dude came crashing into my.

Laughing over there.

So, honest to God, when he came, literally, he just. What is it when a man just comes in, what is that?

Ejaculation?

Yeah.

But it was like, he just. He just.

He just broke it down. He broke into my soul. And then I was like, who is this man? I said, jewish man from New York City. He's not Irish. My mom's Irish. Anyway, so I was like, who is this guy? And I was just like, get away. No, come close. No, go away. So there was a lot of. You know. So then I think over time, because, you know, we have two children we've raised. We've been together a long time and been through a lot, and the deeper we go in love, because we're very committed to the depth of love. I'm more passionately and insanely in love.

With this person.

Than I ever thought was possible. And every day it's more and more intense where. What do I say every day?

How lucky we are.

I. I've.

I feel like I'm six foot four. I mean, it's interesting when you said, when you feel like that's home or. I know you. You said. Right, I know you. When Sheila said that, it was the sixth month, the sixth month of being pregnant with our son. And. And she said she felt the soul of her. Of her son come into her body. And she said, oh, I know you.

He came in a dream that night, and then when I gave birth, I looked at his face and went, oh, it's you again.

You again. Yeah. So it's. I mean, that's. That's a. That's an even deeper and more profound experience, I would think. But he was speaking of compromise and. Right. And, you know, when we were younger, before kids, it was like, no, I don't want to do that. You know, and, and there'd be conflict and we'd break up and, you know, then we realized we couldn't be apart. And you know, fuck. And then, and then, you know, that, that pattern. But once your, your kids, your, your children come into the world, then you understand the word compromise. Because your life changes for them as well as for each other. Because you have to help to make each other better. You know, this better parents and be there for each other. And you give up career and you give up possibilities which still hurt, especially because a lot of my opportunities were overseas in England. And. And she would say, you know, your daughter's the point guard on the basketball team in high school. How are you gonna. How are you gonna. How are you gonna live with missing that? You know, so there was. There. That's where, where compromise, really, that word really makes a difference for, for us, I think, because. And our kids have turned out to be extraordinarily special people.

I need a tissue.

Can we get Sheila some tissues? Look at their love for their children. It's so, so spectacular. And so what do you love most about being parents? And how has parenthood deepened your love for each other?

Right when I'm crying.

More tears. Yeah, more, more.

These tears we have is what you' seeing is the depth of love and a life lived and committed to each other. And we truly believe, we truly believe that love is a soul carver. It will carve all the shit that you don't need off of your soul so that you get to the real essence of who you are as souls in the world. And children do that as well. And so he said compromise. Well, we are both actors. He was the money maker. I. I gave up acting for years to raise the children, to be there with them. And again, there it is painful, and it's still painful. Right? But these are the compromises we make. And now we got these two human beings that we are so madly in love with. My 24. Our 24 year old just got a part on Chicago, Maryland.

Yeah.

And she was on the Good Doctor with him. And so the pride, the beauty, the way that we have knitted together a family from the fabric of who we are as individuals is breathtaking and exquisite.

One more thing. Does anyone remember a TV show called Saved by the Bell?

Yep.

Oh, you liked it, huh? Loved It. I. The first. What's happening?

Tissues. For the. For the tears. The eminent. Tears.

Thank you. The. When we got pregnant, the first offer I ever got as an actor was for Saved by the Bell. You're cheering. And I. That was. I accepted the offer because my hormonal response to pregnancy was I got to make some money. So I took this job and it was the worst day of my life. Those four kids are lucky to still be alive. And that was the beginning of a long list of compromises. But it was that. That something happens when a lot of the stupidity. I look at it as stupidity goes out of your. Your. Your brain as soon as you find out that, that you. That you as a couple are pregnant and all of a sudden the, the career, you're nodding your head because you just had this experience. Your focus becomes different, it becomes clear. And, And a lot of the silliness that I brought with me about career and the anger and the rage of having to go through the process to get roles and all that stuff disappeared. And I became. I became a warrior, a true warrior at that point in terms of my own. My own stuff, but for the sake of. Of her and. And the family.

It seems like it's a. It's a natural prioritization, but it seems like each of you have prioritized each other in your relationship. And so what I'm curious about is that, you know, Rachel, you and I were speaking, you said that you left a lot of 97 relationships.

I'm.

I'm fresh out of a relationship that I felt like was an amazing percent. And so I think that for many of us, a lot of conflicts that I hear in relationship is like, should I stay or should I go? Like, do I know this is the person this is happening? Should I stay in it? Should I keep working on it? Or is this a 95% and I'm betraying myself to go for the 100%? And so in your dynamics, because like I said, each of you have broken up, which I just want to really note that, like, here are these three beautiful examples of what is possible in a relationship. And all three of these couples during different times have had conflicts, have broken up. So what is it that just like you prioritize your children, why do you prioritize this relationship and how do you do that? Once you know that this is the person, how do you then make them the priority when in a world that is clamoring for your attention and time?

I think one of the things that I. A very simple thing I Have girlfriends ask me like, to that, you know, what is it? And I think there's three things. Do you feel safe? Do you feel respected? And are you having fun? Those three things are enough to just to go forward, right? Because we have this long list of what we think, but we don't actually know what we want until we are experiencing it. It's an idea in our head. And I think it's also great to say is that both Johan and I are. Are not each other's types at all. And so when we first got together, it was not like what we had originally looked for. And so we had to get out of our own way and actually be with what is. And I remember a dear friend of mine asking, you know, what is the focus? And I said, I know that everything in my life comes from this relationship, right? It comes from me first and foremost, and it comes from this. If this, if something is happening here, it's affecting every other area of my life. It's affecting my work, it's affecting every other relationship. It's affecting how I view myself. And so I think to. There's a few little moments of talking about the garden. And then something I love to say is like, we really deeply believe in nurturing this garden, which means fertilizing it, watering it, doing. Taking out the weeds on a consistent basis, not just once, but many, many different times, and really saying the thing that's in the way right away versus, you know, a lot of us tend to. To wait, wait, wait. The same with a relationship, right? I'm going to settle. I'm going to settle because we don't believe that there's anything better out there, or we don't want to rock the boat, or we're. We're afraid of whatever it is. Who here wants a really powerful, amazing relationship.

Yeah.

In order to have that, you must be bold and you must be willing to. To go for what you desire, say what it is that you need, and, and usually really say the thing that you don't want to say, because that's going to open up the pathway and the avenue to the thing that you want.

Yeah.

So this is a beautiful transition into communication, which everyone will say, you know, communication is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. So I'd like to start with Leila and Babak. Do you guys have any, like, foundational golden rules of how you communicate? Do you have a way that you weed your garden.

For two international public speakers? Sometimes our communication behind closed doors leaves a little to be desired.

Thank you for the Real, real.

Thank you.

Can you say a little more about that?

It's so we, we have foundational principles, we have some rules, and we have some circuit breakers that we. We have actual words.

Like safe words.

Safe. Yeah, precisely, like safe words. So we say, like when something is escalating in the wrong direction, if the substantive component of the substantive content of what is being said is fundamentally fair, but the energy with which it's being shared is unacceptable. We have a word which is Fluffy.

Yes, Fluffy.

Meaning you are beginning to make me feel unsafe. I'm feeling triggered. You're pushing me to a point of view of compromised resource. Yeah, you stop.

Can we hear a clear example?

And.

And then what happens if one of you pulls the fluffy card? What happens?

So it's. It's an immediate timeout to me. Hey, just chill. Take a deep breath.

Change locations.

You don't necessarily have to change locations, but you must pause. You must disengage whatever energetic crescendo and vector of shittiness is beginning to take, take, take, take place in. One person needs to halt. Okay, so that's Fluffy. Then we have.

You got that? Fluffy. Write it down. Make your own safe word.

Then we have calls to greatness. So she has one that says, I call on Babak's highest timeline. Which means at that point, it's an invocation. It's like saying, I call upon the most resourced, heart centered, grounded expression of you into this moment.

And does that ever piss you off when she calls?

Only all the time.

Because I could see if I was really feeling judgmental and really proud of how right I'm being. And someone calls on my highest self and be like, you can go straight to hell.

Yep.

Because at that moment, every masculine alpha compulsion that I have to be right, to be heard, to be win, to be like the eloquent slayer of your rhetoric, because mine is so much more vastly superior.

Fluffy.

Has to sit the fuck down. Has to sit down. Because she is telling me in no uncertain terms, this is hurting me. This is hurting me. And your deep seated desire to be heard or to be right is actually tearing at the fabric of our closeness and togetherness right now. And that is an enormous call to greatness that is like there are so many trauma influenced and also just behavioral circuits in my brain that just want to go, and they have to just come back. Come back into that place of boundless compassion, of invincible love, and just come into my being, my center, my whole. And look at her. Back into that place of I know you. And then Go in, hold that part of me, hold that re parent that part of my inner child that still has residual mother wounds, that still is in some way at war with the world. Bring it to peace, bring it to calm resource him. And then from that resource state, stop projecting war and chaos and disorder into my relating. And speak from a resource space. We don't always nail it, but when, when we do speak from a resource state, I said we are utterly impeccable. There is responsibility, there is like we Marshall Rosenberg the shit out of it. Like there is, there is.

What's that mean?

Nonviolent communication. Right there. There is, there, there are. Our armamentarium of tools is fairly good. Our ability to strongman the other. Absolutely understand the other's perspective, validate it, celebrate it and at the same time say, hey, look and. But also, you know, I take umbrage with certain perspectives that you have. Mine is this. We don't always have to see eye to eye, but there is this deep seated responsibility and there is a desire to use conflict as a portal into deeper realms of understanding. When we're resourced, when we're unresourced, we take a one way train to psychoville. We know, but we are so aware of that. That's why we have these short circuits. Like nothing good is going to come of this. Stop, stop, stop. And it could be that, you know, we don't, we don't pick up the ball again until a day later. Yeah. Because it takes that much time to remove some of the triggering and some of the frameworks of chaos out of the nervous system. But we're incredibly lucky that we have those tools.

Yeah.

And just a few quick points. Well, number one, we asked Rachel and Johan for communication guidance because they really are experts on this and have honed it so deeply in their partnership. And I personally, because I've known them for eight years, have seen them go from a couple who you could feel active, energetic conflict within them to the peace and beauty and grace that we feel in them today. So I just want to note that because I have seen them transform their capacity to hold their own love through these principles. And they have been guides to us and also guides to us and being like, it's okay, you're not doomed. Like, this doesn't mean it's totally over. This is completely normal. So a couple of other things that are really helpful for us are Annie Lala gave us a frame. She's an amazing relationship coach that the first one to remember that you're in love wins. So when you're in a fight, the first one to remember we're actually in love wins. And so the thing I say to him when I've remembered that we're actually in love is I say, my love, you can find me right now. Because when you can't find me, I'm lost in my pain, I'm lost in my trauma. We're just cycling in that story. And when I make my way back into my heart, that's what I say to him that lets us know we can make our way back now to our heart. And changing this idea that it's about being right or it's about winning the argument. And the person who wins remembers to go back to the heart first. And you can get faster and faster and faster at that. It's so amazing. And the other thing that we've really had to learn because we both have really, like, intense nervous systems and we can both get really, like, is to give each other grace. If something that someone says on a scale from 0 to 10 is 10 is like, the most fucked up shit they've ever said, and zero is like, I love you, beloved. Please stay in my arms forever.

Right?

Like, we've learned to give each other grace from a two to a four, rather than being like, you just did a three, motherfucker, and I'm feeling at an eight, like, boom. Right? And so we've really had to learn to, like, check in and track. Like, was that actually an 8 or was that a 3 or a 4? And I'm just feeling sensitive today. And that ability to let your partner be at a 2 to a 4 is so important for us because your partner's not gonna be perfect, and they're not gonna have perfect language all the time and perfect behavior. And it also helps them trust that when they go beyond that, they can also trust you that you're letting them know that it's actually not okay. What's happening.

We believe that the trials and tribulations that we have experienced in our relationship have been to cultivate these tools. And they work. They're amazing. And, yeah, they're everything. And through that, you get to grow deeper and deeper in love and respect. And you. You begin to no longer be afraid of the contraction. The inevitable contraction ruptures will come, right? So then you get to meet the rupture with grace. You get to meet the rupture with love, with curiosity. And the rupture becomes a gift. And so it just completely rewires the way that you navigate the world and navigate yourself. Trauma, all of It. And then you can have the most incredible bliss in your life, even in the rupture.

Thank you for this. Before we get off of conflict, I'd love to hear from you, Richard and Sheila, like, how do you handle ruptures? How do you handle conflict? How do you fight?

No, we fight pretty good.

Yeah.

There's never a lot of growth for a word that's overused. But learning without failure, right? I mean, what did Einstein say? He had one or two good ideas his entire life, and the rest is persistence and failure and trying again. And that's true in everything. You know, if you're a great, great baseball player, you fail 70% of the time. And we. You can look at this as as many or maxi failures over the course of our relationship that led to explosions and to add to figuring out a way to come back together. We. I don't think we ever looked at it, or. I certainly didn't. I can't speak for Sheila, but of. There's something else out there. It was when we broke up. It was because we couldn't handle being in the same space with each other for more, for another half a millisecond. And then we'd have to separate and. And we drew ourselves back together again because of some chemical thing that I can't define. And you guys might be able to, but I. And then we'd figure it out without a lot of these tools. These tools seem very handy, you know, but we, we. We had to improvise our way back to this spirituality, which we didn't look at as spirituality. It just. It just kind of evolved. But those, those. You know, Stephen Colbert just wrote a book about how grateful he is for all of the tragedy in his life, how grateful he is for all of the things, the obstacles and all of the problems, the devastations that he experienced. And I feel the same way. I'm grateful for them because it made us stronger together. And we're not afraid of it. We're not afraid of a fight. We're not afraid of disruption. We're not afraid of. Of pain. You know, safety is a very odd word for me because on a set, a director will come up, up to me and go, you know, are you comfortable? And my response is, God, I hope not. You know, because you want to push the molecules. You want molecules pushed back in your face. You know, it's about conflict. That, that stuff that I do is about conflict. If there's no conflict, then what the. Are we doing here? And. And that some of that conflict comes from People working together with different ideas of what they want to do and how they want to do it, or different sets, different sets of egos. And that conflict is healthy. If. If your goal is. This is the same thing. So the conflict that. That comes with us. Even still. Even still. This morning I heard it. Did you?

I did.

What did you hear?

I'm not going to reveal your secrets, but we were just having a little pre meeting about the relationship panel, and then I heard you guys having some complex, and I was just sort of witnessing it with love. And I was like, okay, okay.

It's good.

Good medicine. No, I was 30 inches away from you.

We had a fight today, I'll tell you.

And so are you still.

Are you.

I won't.

I won't.

Are you currently in the rupture or did you already make up?

You're good.

How did you make up?

I came over and touched her head.

He came over, touched my head, and then he put his hands here and he pulled really, really, really tight. It was so fucking erotic. And then I went, okay, okay, fucking have me. And then it. And then it just. And then he let go. And that was it. No, we don't use a lot of words. I'm no absolute. It's all this stuff I talked about yesterday. It's very primal, you know.

Okay, were you done?

So this is. Were you done? I wanted to share something, if I. If I may.

Yeah.

Has anyone ever been in a relationship that they gave up on or want to give up on? I'll tell you what. We broke up. He. I got knocked up. We were breaking up, and I got pregnant. It was like goodbye sex. And then we broke up again. And then we got back together. And then I got eight months pregnant. We broke up again. We got back together for the birth. The baby was three months old that we broke up again. And one of the things that is. Babak, you said it so beautifully. Is every single moment of him carving the. All the crap off of my soul is releasing the ego of having to be right all the time or having to be, you know, I guess the word is right or correct in the situation, because if I hadn't allowed that to happen, we never would have continued on to where we are today. So there's. There's definitely treacherous roads in a relationship that you want to have go deeper and deeper. But one other thing I want to say to women. I spent the first 10 years of our relationship trying to castrate him.

Didn't work.

Did not.

Fuck it.

Well. And I told you Yesterday I caught myself. S factor changed everything from my perspective. And then all of a sudden, I realized, you know what? And then the kids came, and I started to put the kids in front of him and me, and I went, wait a second. No, no, no, no, no. Number one is me. Number one is him. Number two is this relationship. The children will get fed from the relationship when the relationship is working. I swear to God this is true. Our children have the best attitude about relationship. They see two people madly in love, and they see that they did not prioritize over him.

So beautiful.

It's another way to say it is that, you know, she's. She's nuts. I mean, she's out of her mind. And, And, And. And I am, too. But. But there's a. There's a respect for each other's insanity, which is another way of saying. Another way of saying, you know, being. It's impossible to be right. It's not a possibility. I. I cannot convince her of anything. Nothing. And so, you know, and then the. You want to be right. It's not that you want to be right, it's that you want the other person not to be so wrong.

That is a great line. That is a great line. It's not that I want to be right. I want you to not be so wrong. So wrong.

And it's just. And you realize that that is a result of a compilation of paradigms that have, you know, been drawn into. Been drawn into her for. For decades. Right? And the same with me. And we're not going to meet on. On, you know, on. On many things, you know, where. Where. But it's the insanity that is not only highly sexual, but it's. It's. It's. It's fascinating and it's. And it's life. You know, you look at our country right now in America, and there's nothing but divide. But if you. If you start talking to people, you start to realize why. You start to realize that insanity. They think, where is insane? On my side, As I. As I think that. That our side thinks theirs, you know, and then when you talk to them, you realize there's a. There's a certain rationality with how they. A certain set of paradigms, a certain set of indoctrinations that have brought them to this point. They're basically good people, you know, and. And they want to do the right thing for themselves and their country and their family. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like what Layla said of, like, you can find me. It's like if we as a country can find each other and the humanity seems like there's a relationship happening even inside of the country. My first therapist, when I was 24, he looked at me and he said, emily, you can either be right or you can be happy. And I said, I'll choose being right. Thank you. I really love being right. And so you. You gentlemen have chosen three very powerful queens to partner with in this lifetime. And so I'm so curious, like, what drew you to these women? And then how have you navigated the sort of stereotypical gender dynamics of masculine and feminine when you're dealing with, like, a wild, feral, amazingly intelligent, powerful human?

Yeah. And I just want to qualify this for a moment that, like, part of this question when I was really thinking about it, is, like, I grew up in the era, as I'm sure many of you did, of, like, clueless and, like, the dumbest representations of the feminine and what's attractive to men. And so I remember thinking very early on, like, I'm gonna be powerful. I'm gonna be spiritually deep. I'm gonna speak my fucking mind. I'm gonna let myself be brilliant, and I will probably die alone. Because the messaging I got was that your role as a woman was to make a man feel super comfortable and to play a very narrow, limited role in order to be chosen or wanted. And I just wanna articulate that because I know there are so many powerful women in this room who got fed some of that narrative, and men got fed a similar narrative. Right. Which in some ways is a very weak view of the masculine. Like, the only woman that will ever make you happy will just kowtow to your ego and be a nice object on your arm.

Right?

As though you're not deeper and more powerful than that, and you're relating. And so I think what really surprised me as I grew up was how many amazing, powerful men were making this choice to be in partnerships with people who met them, people of any gender. And I know that we all still battle that conditioning inside sometimes as women, should I be smaller, more contained, more that, like, whatever society told me would make me chosen? And for men, sometimes there's a lot of conditioning around what it is to feel powerful. You know, if she's controllable, if she feels smaller than me, she's one of my mentors called it. I want to make her a swimming pool instead of the ocean. Right? And it goes both ways. Like, I want to make him a grow lamp instead of the sun. And so it's speaking to a dynamic of actually letting ourselves be as vast and powerful as we are in partnership. And what it takes to choose something like that, sometimes beyond our conditioning.

What she said, I, I don't, I can't put a process to how I arrived here. This is my North Star. Truly, the exaltation and augmentation of divine power is a, it's an integral pillar of my entire life. I am in no way diminished by virtue of her expansion and her expression in the world. Far from it. The more I see her spiral upwards and be this lighthouse, this beacon, this vector of change, of liberation, of freedom and ascension in the world. The more inspired I am, the more in love I am, and the greater call to greatness within me there is. Seeing her soar, ascend, fly, be the radiant beacon that she is, fills my cup and also inspires me to dig deep and nurture my own gifts even further.

Amen.

Amen. Johan.

I mean, what they said, you know, it's interesting, I'm still doing a callback to Sheila and Richard's expression, which is, you know, we all have different nervous systems. And like, I couldn't have been in their dynamic with my nervous system. I would have murdered somebody, you know?

You mean breaking up around having.

Yeah, yeah. Just like, I, I, I, I can't, I can't be in that without, like there's, I have a lot of patience and then there's a very short window where it's like, I see red, black, and then, you know, bad things can happen. Right. So it's really good to know your own archetype and what you're, you know, if I was with a person.

Like.

That, I, it wouldn't be sustainable. Right. So we're all different and that's important to know. And this leads me to Rachel. Rachel put up with a lot of my, and I had a lot of, like, I, you know, textbook avoidant and zero responsibility, like, you know, a freight train, like, and, you know, spiritually bypassing, like, since the age of 14. And, and so Rachel makes me so emotional. She, if, if there's one word that I would describe Rachel as, it's love. It's this relentless love. And so Rachel didn't try to meet me in my crazy, in my freight train. I'm gonna run you over and, you know, bazooka you to death and be right all day long and show you how wrong you are. She, she used her soft power, she, which we spoke about today, and she just went underneath all my crazy, built up defenses and she just touched my heart over and over and over again. There's a lot. There's a lot of ice on this heart back in the day, and.

I.

Truly wouldn't be 5% of the man I am today if it wasn't this woman. Makes me cry.

Yeah.

And it's so beautiful to be this open, to be this vulnerable, and to share these tears of immense gratitude. So the power can show up in so many different ways, you know? And you ladies, you guys are so powerful. And, you know, to the men out there, don't be afraid of the feminine power and help them also be powerful and really show up, you know, the more that we celebrate women and. And to what Babak was saying, I feel exactly the same. Like, when Rachel is succeeding, I was like, yeah, I'm so inspired, and I'm just gonna cry and cry.

So great.

I'm gonna pass the mic. But I'm just. All these women are so inspiring, and I'm just in awe of you guys and so many of you here, and just thank you. Thank you for who you are and how you do. Truly grateful.

Yeah.

So before.

Before we hear from you, Richard, and then we're going to wrap it up. Rachel, you said to me the other night, you said, you know, I am a. I am a powerful woman, and I have a lot of veracity, and there's a lot to me. And I saw this side of you that I actually hadn't seen. I mean, obviously, you are this, like, force of nature, but you do lead with your softness. You lead with this, like, really, like, classic femininity, I would say. And so when I saw that piece of you, it was like, oh, this is a side of Rachel I'd never seen. And I realized that you lead with this softness in part because of the container that you two have created. And I think it speaks to your three values, like, do I feel safe? Do I feel respected? And am I having fun? And I'm gonna really just celebrate this because it feels like you've been able to love in a new way because of the container and the safety that you have provided. And so bravo and thank you. All right, Richard, what do you want to say about this wild, beautiful, erotically embodied woman? How did you. Why did you choose this queen? How did you know? Actually, here's the question I want to ask you. Did she ever kick up your insecurities? Did her strength ever point at things that made you feel insecure about yourself?

Yeah. Trying to remember exactly when or what. But yeah. Yeah, because I'm, you know, I'm a. A Floating boat of insecurities we all are, but that, you know, and then, then you find a way to, to, to, to use that and make it, make yourself powerful again. And, and that cycles back and forth. I'm not done being insecure, you know, it's, it comes back. Every time I walk into a room full of people, I have a mild panic attack, you know, I mean, and then you find ways over the course of, of, of your life to tools and to help you get beyond that. But does she bring it out? Yeah, because, you know, as, as we've seen how, how important these women are to us. If she is not Queen Ish, then I feel like I've failed. There are times when I feel like I failed her. And I would say that's as about as insecure as you can get, you know, and it's not a. It's not a pleasant feeling. It's. It's really powerfully sad to, to feel like you've let, you've let the woman that you love so much down. But Sheila likes to say that, you know, use the Joseph Campbell example. Not example, but his, his way of talking about men, male and female, that the female is life and the male is the support of that life, life. And I think that what you've just expressed, you expressed, Johannes, is how important that life force is to us. It is what sustains us. And the fact that we can help sustain that is what sustains us.

Oh, so beautifully said. So we just have a few minutes left and I would love to leave everyone with. If you could give everyone one piece of relating advice, like one, and it could be unique to your relationship or just something that you've learned as a human. But if you could leave everyone with one powerful thing that has really changed your relationship, changed your relating. It could be around sacred sexuality, boundaries, communication. One piece you want to leave people with.

We have a morning ritual that we do almost every morning and we both go and you celebrate yourself. The first two things you do at the start of the morning are, I celebrate this about myself. I celebrate this about myself. Then we share the three things that we're gonna feel that day. The three most important feeling states to us. Then we share the three most important things for our day. So it can be goals, it can be things we wanna experience. So it can be like, I really wanna hit the gym and crush it. I really wanna enroll, you know, a hundred people into my program. Something like that. And then we say one of the most important parts of this ritual, which is how can I support you. So after I hear the three most important things to him, I say, how can I support you? He responds. And then after I say the three most important things, he says, how can I support you? And I respond. So we're set up as a couple to understand what our day is about, what we care about the most, what's important to us, and then to also articulate how we can actually be supported by each other. And then we finish with two gratitudes. Gratitudes for each other or the partnership specifically. And this also keeps us in that frequency of gratitude, which is so incredibly important in a partnership over the long run, to continuously emphasize what grateful for.

Oh, so beautiful. How long does this ritual take?

Yeah, not even 10 minutes. Like, we could knock it out in five if we're going really fast.

I love this.

Super powerful. The most incredible thing that we've done. The greatest point of difference in this partnership, I would say, imbue the entirety of yourself, the DNA of your being, into the ethos of your relationship. Pour not only your heart and soul, but your values into it. Breathe life into this joint entity, the joint we, this holographic amalgam of the two of you, and create a single organism that is fed by two discrete people standing there in service to it. When you have that joint value set, anytime you are in service to it, it, there is no abandonment of self. Therefore, you can compromise to incredible lengths to allow that to blossom and bloom, because then it becomes a fountain that fills your cup. Because as you come at, you're giving from a full place, you're giving in accordance with your own values, with your own true north firstly. And then as it fills you, you upward spiral together. And then you become of service to your sphere of influence as well. But more importantly, that single organism that you give birth to together has energetic conduits into it from your own being, which means you can then create whatever energy and dynamic you want in this joint we by creating that energy in yourself first. So if you want to engender more devotion, more safety, more love, more sexiness into your container, create that energy in yourself first and watch it be mirrored in the joint we and then in your beloved. And that is alchemy in motion that becomes the most extraordinary growth container that you could ever hope for and a great gift to yourself, to your beloved, and to the world at large.

Very quick. The reason he speaks so eloquently is because when his parents were fleeing the Iranian revolution and they took him to Melbourne, the kids in his grade school, the white kids, Made fun of him for not being able to speak English. So he taught himself to read Shakespeare at the age of nine. And so every single time I hear him speak that way, I'm so touched by his fucking brilliance and courage and turned on.

I mean, I just want to have. I want you guys to have like vocab sex. It's like the two of you together, it's just like a linguistic orchestra.

The downside to this is when we argue, we are the opposite of these guys, right? Because Richard just grabbed Sheila's neck and it's over. We have to write Tolstoy's War and Peace every fucking time. Because we've had a little disagreement over one thing.

Maybe just try the strangulation next time and just see how it goes.

You learned it here.

Oh, Johan, so good. I'd say two things for us, chair practice, you know, for us it's non negotiable is pyramid breath every day, which some of you guys may experience today. And a practice in a way that allows your somatic being to express without the critic, without the thinker, and to merge on a level that is deeper than just the mind and the thoughts. So much gets communicated in that would take you a hundred years to communicate with words. If even if it. I don't even know it's possible, maybe these guys can. And I would say the second thing for us is we only co. Devotionally communicate. We don't fuck with anything else. So. And we bring it into throughout the day. It's not just in a rupture, right. We don't save it just for rupture, but you find it's going to be three things. Sorry, it's coming. You have more. You have more. And so really get artful and skillful in your communication. Changes everything. And the last thing I would say is we create together. We're in constant gratitude for each other. And I'm going to leave the gratitude. You can do the next part. There's a lot of things.

I would double up on what Layla said in appreciation and gratitude. We are. We are in that, I would say predominantly the entire day. We're constantly. I mean, I think we tell each other we love each other like thousands of times a day. And it just is.

By the way, as an ex avoidant, I had like so much resistance to this in the beginning. So even if it doesn't come to you naturally, you can totally train yourself to that and it becomes the most natural thing for you. So just know if it's an edge.

Like lean in Lean into it. This is a changed man, y'.

All.

He would have never cried in front of you guys a couple years ago. It's like, this is what love does.

Seriously.

And, and the other.

The other really important thing is making intimacy a priority. Like, I. We are big advocates of scheduling sexy time because we both run our own business and we're busy. And when you sometimes, like, you can let your closeness block you from intimacy, right? You become like you're. You're doing your thing and you love each other, and sex can sort of be pushed out of the way. Don't let that happen. Use it as an opportunity to create together. And when you put that on the schedule, it might not seem sexy, but when you are creating a sacred container and showing up for each other and that no matter what, actual magic happens, and it's so worth it. So good.

Yeah. Anything you want to leave people with, Sheila.

What?

Anything you want to leave people with? Yeah.

All of this is so yummy, so beautiful, so inspiring, each and every one of you. It's just beautiful. Thank you. I, I, we're very big on the, you know, go off and create, have this circle of autonomy and freedom. So I wake up every single day and become the vortex of magnetic life, the feminine. I dance, I sing, I cook, I run a company, and I'm just very embodied. And then I. And then when I feel so, so super, super, super full and overflowing in my feminine energy, I asked myself one question. And that one question is, is how can I help him feel like a bigger, stronger, more powerful beast? How can I make him feel like he has got the biggest on the planet? That is how I live.

Amazing. Yes.

You just have to look.

That's just true facts.

When she got pregnant the first time, I made myself available to her 24 7. Anything she needed there was what? We lived in a very little, little shack of a house in Los Angeles, and there was some construction down the block, and they were making noise. We had no air conditioning. So she. It was summer. It was 110°F, and she was very uncomfortable. And she said, can you please tell them to stop making that noise? So I went outside and said, guys, I got this pregnant woman in there. Can you. They said, no, but. But that's the kind of thing you kind of want to do. You want to make things as much as. As easy as possible and treat her like a queen. And then when the pregnancy was over, I went back to my hormonal job, which was to make. Get some. Make some money and focus on that. And she said, like, why are you stopped? Why have you stopped treating me that way? You treated me like a queen when I was pregnant. Why have you stopped? Then a few years later, she started S factor. And out of that practice, she came to the realization that if she wanted to be treated like a queen, then she needed to treat me like a king. Because treating her like a queen without feeling like a king is being a prince or less a joker. And that changed our lives forever. That's when we went to the next Quantum Leap, which allowed us to elevate and elevate and elevate. So find a way to treat each other like kings and queens and you'll be grateful for that.

What a beautiful, beautiful way to close it down. Oh, well. I just want to say, as a newly single lady, I really, really appreciate the honesty, the humor, the devotion, the love, the bravery and the honesty that all of you embody as individuals and then the way that you have amplified and healed and made each other better through your unions. It's a beautiful example.

And I want to reflect how brilliant you are and how wonderful you are and how you carried this conversation so beautifully and about it.

I was just looking at this view and then looking at all your beautiful faces, I'd be like, I've made it. I've arrived. We've all made it. I got peak life experience. I love you all so much. Thank you for being living examples. Let's give them a round of applause. Yes.