190 Serene Allison & Pearl Barrett: Stop Making It So Hard

Well, I think with me, with stop making this so hard. Once again, it's mindset. I believe it is mindset. If I'm going to think and complicate this more than it has to, then I'm making it hard. And then practical steps. What makes this easier for me? Maybe I simplify my life. Maybe I take just little baby steps. Basic, basic things that we don't have to complicate our lives.

And for me, how to stop making it so hard. It's a constant reminder to my personality, hey, it doesn't have to be miserable to work. You know, more isn't necessarily more, sometimes less. And happiness and pleasure is more. Sometimes exercising to the point where you're not turning on your cortisol, where it is enjoyable is more anti aging and actually does more for your body in a way that's not turning on the catabolic effect on your muscles. And so I've just had to learn. Even with eating, to me it's saying don't make it so hard, Serene. Make it enjoyable. Because life is about joy. It's not about ticking that perfect box that was serene.

Allison and Pearl Barrett and this is episode 190 of Wellness Force Radio. What's up, my friend? It's your host, Josh Trent. And welcome back to another episode for your weekly access to global experts in all things wellness as we discover the physical and emotional intelligence we need to live life well. On this podcast, we're diving into the dirty details of a common thread that links moms, dads and working pros across the planet. Why does everything seem to be so hard when it comes to eating healthy food and developing healthy habits? Healthy habits start with a deep breath. So before we go any further, this is your reason or excuse, whichever you want to say, but you don't need one. You never need an excuse to take a deep breath. This is your priming moment for a completely different rest of your day. This is your breath break. Take a deep breath for five seconds in, hold it for five at the top, exhale slowly for five and hold it for five at the bottom. For these next 20 seconds while you breathe, just know that your breath is always there for you. And so is your choice to take care of yourself by taking in adaptogens. My number one second to none will not go for anything else. Source for these energetic plant compounds is through our show sponsor, Organifi, creators of Organifi Red juice. This is my daily. Actually it's sometimes twice a day lately insurance policy to make sure my energy doesn't drop in the afternoons via the energetic pathways of Cordyceps and reishi mushroom. This 100% organic sourced baked right into the powder. Actually it's a dried powder. That's how it keeps its nutrient value. This is the fun part about organifi. You can have this today. Don't wait anymore. Head over to organifyshop.com wellnessforce and type in code wellnessforce at checkout because they are giving you a huge savings. You're part of the crew, the community, the global community. With us you get 20% off the red juice and everything else@organifyshop.com Wellnessforce for your 20% off deep discount. Now if you've been with us over the past couple weeks, you know I just went through a massive personal transformation, my hero's journey and I want to inspire you to pause here. Go back and listen to episodes 185 through 188 from my journey in Costa Rica of personal growth and plant medicine. We've been getting inundated, absolutely flooded with some really touching messages about the impact from these stories and the raw conversations are having to this global community for Wellness Force. Messages from Ireland, Australia, the UK, all over the United States. Bookmark these episodes 185 through 188. Also the special release right after 184 where I shared about my transformation and today we're talking about lifestyle transformation, this different design through practical habits and some interesting tactical approaches that anyone who watches children, if you're a parent or you're somebody that watches over kids, when it comes to the emotional pieces, the emotional intelligence and brain training we always have at our fingertips but sometimes just need the right reminder for which is why at the end of this show with Serena and Pearl, you're going to learn why they self published this book in 2013, Trim Healthy Mamas that went on to sell 250,000 plus copies without a single dollar of marketing spend. How that's even possible? Why between the two of them, Serene and Pearl have over 18 children. Why saying hello to your food is a keystone habit around digestion and assimilation, why weight loss is actually an after effect of being the energetic health vessel you were born to be and how the diet industry, this paradox they preach of trying to lose weight be happy is actually the reverse. Why cultivating a practice of happiness leads to weight loss, why this is the real challenge for all of us in the modern world. Show notes from today are@wellnessforce.com 190 hop over there. Learn more about why the trim Healthy Mama Facebook group has over 200,000 people in it like us that are interested in being better every day. Now we're ready to go. Let's drop in with Serene and Pearl to learn how we can stop making this thing so hard. This whole love and wellness game we're playing, it doesn't have to be so hard. And we're about to learn how. Let's jump in. Today on the podcast, we're talking about challenges, the daily ones we face, especially our moms. If it weren't for moms, we obviously wouldn't be here. But what's it really like to lean into a happy, healthy life as a busy parent with screaming kids, to transcend the stress and overwhelm? We're talking about the practical ways to do this as well as learning about the everyday ways of being that moms, parents, and busy working pros can do in their lives to stop making this thing so challenging, so hard. You don't have to struggle and sacrifice to live your life well. We're learning about this from our two special guests today from Trim Healthy Mama, two best selling authors and sisters, Serene Allison and Pearl Barrett. Pearl and Serene, welcome to Wellness Force Radio.

Hey, thanks. We are so. We're just so excited to be here.

Oh, great.

We've got to talk about this. 2013, you publish a book. Self published, Trim Healthy Mama sells over 250,000 copies, ladies, without a single dollar of marketing spend. Like, how is that even possible?

You know, to this day, we sort of wonder how that happened, but it's a miracle. It was nothing about us. It was just the message. And like you said, women and moms are overwhelmed. They think it's too hard, they think it's tough, they think it's miserable. Just try to get healthy and they feel like they can't do it.

Well, we couldn't do it. And that's the thing. We had tried everything and we were so done. And we'd used ourselves as guinea pigs for nearly every diet and every kind of health lifestyle out there. And, and we shared our challenges in the book and we shared all the, all the struggles and then we shared what actually finally worked. And that's what the message was. It was a freedom message.

Yes. This food freedom. We talked about this in 2016, late 2016, with Food Freedom Forever, Melissa Hartwig. But it sounds like 2013. I mean, this was the discussion y' all were having around freedom and food.

Yeah, because food felt like bondage. I mean, especially for us when, you know, as we said, we tried everything. I mean, Serene here was not. We were vegans for many years, but Serene went past that and went to be a raw foodist for seven years.

And I was nursing and pregnant. I was nursing around the clock. I had three pregnancies in those seven years. And, you know, I was up juicing at 5 in the morning. I kicked the oven out of my kitchen and had like 12 dehydrators whirring to feed my family. It was crazy and unsustainable and my teeth fell out of my mouth.

You actually said you were a raw food juice maniac at one point. What made you choose to let that lifestyle go, Serene?

Well, I actually realized that it wasn't sustainable because as my children were growing, I realized they had speech delays. There was teeth that were coming in that weren't as strong as they should have been. My teeth were crumbling out of my mouth. I felt like my muscle tone was going. Even though I like the three hours of Pilates a day. Another unsustainable thing when you're a mom. And so I was just like, this is toted to be the pinnacle of health. I felt like I'd reached the pinnacle of raw food, green coconut oil heaven, nirvana, and realized, I feel like crap. I feel awful. There has to be a better way. So I kicked all of my health boots off my deck. I wanted to do a book burning because I felt like I'd been led wrong by all of just the conflicting information out there. Actually, the truth is I went to the Bible and I just was like, I just want to get the real ancient wisdom here, the real thing. And I read in Deuteronomy the book in the Bible, Deuteronomy, where it shares. I give you the herb of the field, the blood of the grape, the fat of the ram, the milk of the goat. And it went through all the food groups. And I was shocked. I'm like, my whole life I've removed food groups. My whole life I've denied. I've just taken out macronutrients, you know, vegetarian, vegan. I've made them villains. And I realized, you know what? There might be a way of including them all. And maybe they really are a gift.

This is fascinating. I loved how you use this ancient wisdom. And whether you're religious or not, there are some tendencies that lead us back to this ancestral, this natural way of living. Now, both of you are actually living in an environment where there's farms, there's green, there's lush environments around you. But what do you say to this pearl and serene, like what about people living in cities? What are the common threads and challenges they face? You have so many women, so many moms, they probably write in. Is there a common thread for moms that live in cities, their challenges versus moms that might live in more of a rural environment?

Well, we do live here on a hilltop in Tennessee. Even though, you know, we obviously don't sound like it. We're, we're from down under originally. But, you know, tell the truth. Serene's all this purist and my little sister here, the garden grower and all of that. But I live in the country. I'm not. I go to Walmart, buy my groceries, man, you know, I'm lazy. And yet I've been able to. I've been able to do this. I call myself a drive thru sale, but I've been able to gain health, get my blood sugar under control, just turn my health around just with everyday foods and grocery stores.

And she had some major health hurdles to climb over. And she did it being very, very, very normal compared to me.

Normal. You can do this normal. And I feel like many people think they have to live in this beautiful organic garden in order to be healthy. You can do this in your suburban life, in your city life. Yeah.

You don't have to grow your kombucha mushrooms and hang your diapers on only hemp and merino wool.

Well, I'm excited to talk about that, that city life versus the country life later. But let's talk about the health hurdles. So you each have had your own journey. All of us, by the way, ladies, we're all on our own journey. Everyone. I don't care who you are. No one is born with absolutely perfect path and perfect health ahead of them. Serene, can you share with us some of the things you've overcome that really forged you to co author this book?

I think.

I call myself the food purist and Pearl the drive thru. So my hurdles were actually relaxing. I feel like the harm that I did to myself was through my obsession with health. It was very obsessive to the point where I wouldn't even if I went into a Whole Foods market or health foods, I wouldn't even taste the wild rice pilaf because it was cooked. I wouldn't even have a taste test that was cooked. I mean, I was very like very strict. But I think that sadistic kind of strictness, it's not happiness. There's cortisol involved in that kind of perfection. There wasn't enough happy vibes, even though I was doing not all the right things. Because now I see that there was a lot of error in my ways. But even though I was following a lot of good things, a lot of good healthy steps, there was no freedom in them. And it was a very. It was chains. And so I really feel like when I relax a little bit and Pearl said, hey, you could even have a cup of coffee, mate, you know, in the afternoon or in the morning. There's some benefits to that. And I felt like, no, that's akin to smoking cigars. But she, my sister, the drive thru suit kind of taught me to relax a lot. And that's how I actually gained my health. I had full on adrenal fatigue, mate. And I was going to bed at 8 o'.

Clock.

I put the masking tape over all the blue lights in my room. I had the special sleep mask and everything. And I was getting sicker and sicker, more sick and more sick and more sick until I actually relaxed a little bit. Loved life more. Just found some vitamin P, some vitamin pleasure. And that was my main reason, I believe, besides, I believe there was a lot of healing involved, miracles there how I got better.

This is fascinating because so many women deal with this, men as well. You don't have to be a parent to feel what it's like to have paralysis by analysis when it comes to food. So why do you think that this paralysis by analysis was happening? If you really connect the dots. Looking back, Serene, why was this quest for perfection there?

I'm a passionate person. So whatever I do, I do to the nth degree.

So.

Whatever it is, I pour my soul case into it. It's just my personality. So I poured everything I could into.

But Serene, you got to talk about to. Your husband had cancer.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Pearl's gonna put me on the psychological seat and bring out all my, all my shadows.

It was fear based.

Yes, it was. To be honest, like, yeah, and I'll. And I'll let you talk here in a second but to be honest that.

That is the truth.

I was just kind of shadowing over. Husband had cancer at the same time as my father in law was dying of cancer. To me it was a way of control. If I do this, my family will live. If I get up at 5 in the morning and if I do this raw food diet and juice 50 pounds of carrots a week along with them, then I'll be their support and I'll be their inspiration and they'll do it with me. They'll see me cheerleading them along. So it was, it was a control.

Thank you so much for saying that. The honesty in which we're feeling from you could not be more profound. I'm thinking about the Tony Robbins special on Netflix. You know, I am not your guru. And there was a woman that said, I'm so worried about my health. I'm so worried about my weight. And when he dug deeper, he actually found that it was really a way for her to check out of the relationship that was strained with her father. Do you think that people deal with this all the time where they might focus on the food and their diet and as you said, kind of like stressing out about being perfect when really it's the stress from something else?

Yeah. And you know, that's so true. And Pearl, I think you could, you know, because I don't want to just. I've been speaking here for a little bit and so you could chime in here. But I think with women, it's an insecurity too. It's like they want to aim for that perfection they see in magazines. The perfection that they feel like they have to attain to. For security, to be enough, maybe for their special someone in their life. They don't have to be enough. They're already enough for who they are. And I believe we all have a duty to. To feel healthy and to feel the singing of ourselves, to feel really alive. But we don't have to attain for what's impossible.

Yeah, what's possible is the better focus. I think about Drive Thru. Sue. That's an honest statement as well. How did this drive thru sou phrase even come up? Do you still drive through and get food from Drive Thru?

Every now and then. You know what? I always say I'm lazy, but I just don't have the passion that Serene, my sister here, has for kitchen. A lot of time, the kitchen, Serena actually gets her jollies making bo stock. She puts those bones in and she makes her kombucha and all of that brings her happiness. Whereas to me, that just feels like trudgery. And for me, I want to spend as little time as I am in the kitchen. So I call myself a Drive Thru soup because I feel like there's so many other women out there that don't have time. Maybe they work and they're just like, how can I do this without becoming a slave to the kitchen? And so that's. That's what I found. And we sort of merge our cultures. Serene's culture of being the purist and the gardener. And then my culture of hold on, maybe we can do this in a quicker way and still gain incredible results.

Yes, the quicker way is fascinating because sometimes shortcuts can be really powerful. Right. If you get things done in less time, you're more likely to do them again. Do you feel like that's your wisdom? That's the angle that you approach food and life from?

Yes. It has to be sustainable for me. And that's why for me, we have the same principle, core principles of the way we eat, which is protein centered. And then we do healthy carbs and we do lots of healthy fats and so many wonderful veggies and it's just yummy. But for sustainability, I might throw some things from the store and that she never would like. Maybe I see a low carb wrap and maybe the ingredients aren't perfect, but I'm like, but that makes my lifestyle sustainable for me. And if you take these things from me, I'm going to go, well, I just can't do it. And then, then I'll be at the drive through, not ordering something that's good for me. I'll be ordering the fries and the Big Mac.

The interesting thing is, Josh, is that we actually experience the same. I don't know how you measure it, but just by us knowing each other so well, we experience the same level of abundant health, even though she cuts a few corners. So it's very interesting. You can do your health journey your way. You don't have to turn into a granola mom. You can do it in a sustainable way for your personality and experience the same level of health, this uniqueness.

You know, it's funny, we all have a thumbprint. All of our thumbprints are very different. It's the same thing on the inside. What works for Jane doesn't work for Johnny. Vice versa. What works for Pearl doesn't work for Serene. So think about this for someone listening. What's a first takeaway for somebody when they're approaching this? The first step of being this healthy person you talk about in the book. This is fascinating to me. Don't force the trim. We don't want you to focus solely on trimming or forcing the healthy part about trim. Healthy mama. This is just as important, the trim part. And healthy weight loss needs to take its own good time. This is a paradox in the diet industry, ladies, because I feel like there's so many messages out there about if you lose the weight, well, then you're allowed to be happy. But have you both found this to be the opposite, that it's actually cultivating this practice of happiness that leads to.

Weight loss, oh my goodness, you hit the nail on the head. And I think numbers and this, you know, this ultimate number on the scale, I think it's causing a toxic mind frame within so many women and maybe they, you know, it causes cortisol to rise, it causes unhappiness with themselves and it becomes a brutal sprint to get to this number rather than, hey, this is my sustainable journey to health. And weight will happen in its own time and you know what, it does. But so many times there needs to be healing in the body as blood sugar regulates, as these things happen. So we don't put the focus on weight naturally, it melts off and that's the cool thing. But it's not the biggest focus here.

And we have found too with so many millions of emails coming in through our computers of ladies and their testimonies and their questions, just we've watched a Kind of a ribbon that's gone through all of the emails that those that are more gung ho in a very unhappy way, maybe it's just, maybe it's not where their hobby is but where they find their duty is I must do this, I must tick the box of exercise, I must tick the box of oil pulling or something like that. They are actually the ones that have the hardest time losing weight. They're the ones that can't get rid of that final stubborn 15 pounds because it's not happiness. There's no vitamin pleasure in there at all. And so some of our ladies that just kind of just do it their own way and maybe not do it so perfectly, they find an easier way losing weight because it's a healthier way to lose weight. It's not that. The obsession, the obsession, it's just like, yeah, it's my journey. However long it takes me, I'm going to a better destination.

And when I mess up, hey, I get back on. I'm not going to like, you know, whip myself. And the shame, the shame, oh my goodness, the shame. It keeps so many people down in the dust and it keeps so many women just with a self worth that's in the gutter just because the shame.

Of when they mess up, the shame makes their kale smoothie more of a caloric load than a piece of cheesecake.

This is vibrational aspect. We look at how we feel when we eat food. You know, we see so many studies coming up. Robin Openshaw was on Dave Asprey last year talking about vibration in foods. When people are eating food and they're In a stress state. You know, I'm visualizing a mom leaning over the counter, stuffing that kale salad in her face, stressed out, not even sitting down and breathing before she eats. How important is it, ladies, to get ourselves in the right state before we even consume food?

Oh, my goodness, it's so huge. And like you said, just standing there, shoving. It's just, like the worst thing we can do for our metabolism. Where we need, we need. I know. Life is busy, right? We're not saying you need to take an hour for every meal, but just saying, oh, we call it saying hello to our food. Yes. You know, just acknowledging that you're about to eat and looking at it and just taking some deep breaths and saying, wow, I'm going to eat. Hello, food. And then your body starts getting ready, and then the oxygen goes into your internal system, and that's the way you eat, and that's the way you nourish your body, and that's the way your.

Metabolism and all those other senses which do oxygenate the whole system to help your metabolism rise and to help bring the blood to the gut is your nose and your eyes and all those senses that are part of smelling your food and visually being pleased by your food. But just because we know this, doesn't mean we always do it. This is a good reminder to me. Just before I came here, this is kind of honesty time. I was lecturing all my children, I homeschool, and I was like, you've got to finish this math assignment. And, hey, hey, get back over here and sit down. And I was stuffing the kale salad into my mouth, and I didn't say hello to it. So we all have to be reminded it's a journey for all of us.

And, yeah, this is the imperfectly perfect practice that men and women. I think about my brother. He has two children, and they're constantly running around getting things done. This is more of a tactical section. I want to shift gears with trim healthy mamas, the people that are so busy, the ones that are finding themselves stuffing the kale salad, leaning over the counter. How do we start this process between knowing and doing? In other words, when we look at just eating, specifically, what are some things we can do from a mindset perspective when we start planning how to stop making this thing so hard?

Well, we have something that we call sweatpants meals. Okay. And we call them these meals that are healthy, that you try them and your whole family starts to love them. You know, we've got a lot of cookbooks, but they don't have to be our recipes, the blood sugar friendly meals and ones that are easy for you and so ones that you get good at so you don't have to sit down and write out three weeks worth of menus and be some sort of perfect blogger person that you can never attain to just have your sweatpants meals and then repeat them over and over and just, you know, start to get confident in them and then, and then things become just less crazy, insane, unattainable.

Yeah. And one of the tips that I tell myself to do, I don't always do them, but is to kind of respect mealtime. And so I try and keep all my lectures to my children, not during the mealtime. So I say, okay, books down most of the time, let's eat and put all that kind of work aside. And sometimes that means I have to feed my toddlers before I eat. Because if I try and multitask and I'm trying to, like, I've got the baby in the sling nursing, and I'm leaning over the high chair and shoving food in the baby's mouth, a toddler's mouth, and I'm trying to eat at the same time. That's cortisol for me. So maybe many women can do that with a smile on their face. But for me, I had to just like get all of the kind of cray cray out of the way and then I feel like I can breathe through my meal.

That's a scientific term, Cray cray, correct.

Yeah, sure. It is.

Definitely our lives respecting mealtime.

I love that you brought that up. What does that look like to respect mealtime? Are the phones off the table? Is the TV turned off? Like, what's the hygiene for respecting our mealtime?

Well, I think in our crazy lives, you know, ultimately it's really nice, I believe together the family for the nighttime meal, if at all possible though. We all have crazy lives. But you know, sometimes for breakfast and lunch, children are at school for some people, for us they're at home or we're in different areas. But yeah, for me, not like doing a bunch of emails during a meal is a good meal time. I'm just like, it's a self discipline pearl. You can get those emails later. Just focus on this nourishment right now and just asking yourself before a meal, where's my protein here? Where are my greens here. Just a couple of questions just to make sure it's a nourishing meal for your body.

And some people listening might think, well, that feels like a waste of time. Because I have to multitask. I've got so much to do. But what I found is that when I take the time to respect my food, my meal, that I'm actually creating more energy for later because the cortisol, of course, gives you a big slump. And those negative hormones, they deprive you of energy. I feel like I get more nourishment from my food, more nutrients and more energy when I actually take the time and spend more time.

But, you know, Josh, on a practical level, and we share this in our books, there's so many things that we love to do as trim, healthy mums. We make use of the crock pot. So, hey, we've got a meal in there in the morning, so we don't have to, you know, that witching hour. I don't know. You're a guy. But us women face what we call the witching hour, Right? And that's late afternoon. All the children are going crazy. You don't know what you got for supper. You're stressed. You're sort of hangry and angry. And you got to get this whole family thing.

So you get a jar of peanut butter out of the fridge, stick a spoon in it, and you don't pull the thing out for good until the whole.

I think men deal with that as well.

It's just that witching out. So we have a lot of tricks and tips to get through that so that you have your meal for your family there. And it needs to be family friendly, it needs to be nourishing. And it's not like it's just doable stuff in our hectic lives.

Yeah. And we try and work out a way that all of us can be nourished with all of our different needs, whether we're children, whether we're mothers, whether it's. Whether it's the husband that we're trying to nourish. The one meal can kind of nourish everybody because it is cray cray to do three different meals. That's not at all.

And maybe little parts will change like children. On our plan, children need what we call crossovers, which are carbs and fats together, always centered by protein. But those of us losing weight, we do carb meals with protein, and then we do fat meals as protein. And so it's very easy to do. But the core is always the same.

The protein's always there. The salad, big salad, vegg. And they might fill up on a big bowl of brown rice or quinoa. And then we might fill up with a Big bowl of broccoli. So it's like there's just a little bit of the tweaks on the sides of the meal. But we're not making three different meals for husband, children, and ourselves.

Oh, crazy.

I love that you mentioned protein first. And I think about a lot of different guests we've had on the show where there's been a big focus for salads and soups and shakes. These are the things that are portable. It's stacking the odds in our favor. How many salad soups and shakes do you both consume with your families, with yourselves, on a weekly basis? Are we talking about 50 to 60?

That's hilarious, because we bought our lunch here today as we're talking to you. I brought a salad, she brought a shake.

But my shake had everything under the sun and a lot of protein. Because we find with women, if they're nursing, if they're pregnant or if they're trying to lose weight, protein is key. It's key for sustenance. It's key to be able to keep that blood sugar under control, to bridge yourself to the next meal without wanting to go for the goldfish that you've got there for you toddlers.

Yeah, exactly. But I mean, for a dinnertime meal, honestly, I'm not doing salads and shakes for my family. I'm doing a nourishing type of meat 3, where it's maybe I'm doing a roast chicken or a pot roast, and then I'm doing a veggie and a salad. And just because that's what draws the family in. Now, for my lunches and breakfast, I'm totally like smoothie, and I'm totally like, quick. And a quick salad. Salad on the go. Or shake it on the go.

Even though you say hello.

Yeah. Still say hello to my food. But I'm saying for that nighttime meal, we're found.

You're waltzing with your meal. You're waltzing with your meal.

But we've found that a lot of times, if you're trying to force a salad or a shake on your family at dinner time, they're going to be horrified, and they don't want anything to do with your healthy program.

Yeah. And there's some really powerful context here as well. Between the two of you. 18 children. This is very uncommon. Why 18 children? Give us the backstory there so we can really understand.

We're a cult. They didn't tell you. We're a cult. Oh, sorry. They forgot.

Yeah, yeah. So the guy from Waco, Texas, he's our Great, great uncle.

No, actually I only have five. Serene. You tell your story, mate.

I'm a children lover. Like when I was little, the more dolls I could have in line in a row and like, and dress and cuddle, the more I was like happy. I just love children and I fell in love with my husband because he loved children and for many other wonderful reasons because he's gorgeous and all that. But we love children together and so we've had nine biological children because we can't get enough of the gift. We're just like, oh, this is another present. I just love presents.

I love it.

And then we adopted five children from Liberia and we don't do it because of some no religious duty. No, no, no, no, no. We do this because this is our heart, this is our passion. And so yeah, I've got an eight week old actually Pearl got it right, an eight and nursing. And so it's just, that is the thrills. I love the babies and the toddlers and the children and the teenagers and all of it. I've got married children and grandchildren and all that.

Wow.

That's the story.

Five kids from Liberia. And what compelled you to do the adoption? How does that plug into your ethos behind how you want your life to be? You know, this environment you've structured around, making it not so challenging all the time. In my mind I'm looking at you and I'm like, wow, nine biological children, five from Liberia. Like that's pretty challenging. How do you make that not so hard?

Well, yeah, I think there's a seesaw effect here because sometimes you can try and let me answer it by answering kind of going around the question, but some people try and protect their lives and it's like the Self magazine in the isle of Walmart and all of that. It's like, okay, me time, me time. I'm going to protect myself. And it's what happened when I had adrenal fatigue. I had to have that nap every day and I didn't want to get around people that were too make me kind of anxious and that were too loud and whatever. And the more I protected myself, the more I got sick because I was me focused. But I found that when I poured myself into others, I actually got healthy. So yes, my life is chaotic and it's not super peaceful but it's super joyful. And the more I've poured into my family, maybe I don't get the perfect hours of sleep at night that people that are trying to seek help get, but I feel like I'M healthier because I'm not all about me. I'm sure I am. I'm sure I'm a selfish brat of a pig of a dog. But anyway, I'm not perfect. But what I'm not trying do to, to trump myself, but I was trying to say I got better the more I didn't look up my nostrils, you know.

But that's not the reason why you adopt.

I know, but that was answering the question that even though I was seeking health, I actually found it by my house getting more chaotic. Okay, but the reason why I adopt is my mom has this ministry to encourage family life across the world. And she went to Liberia and saw the plight of the Liberian children. 15% of the population under the age of 15, all the parents basically massacred by the tribal walls over there. And my mom was, Once they get to the age of 16, serene, they are basically in prostitution or in gangs. There's no hope for them. And so I was just all about baby adoption at the time. And then our hearts, my husband and my hearts were like, we can't do this. We went against all advice from every kind of like parent person around there, encouraging us to say, don't adopt older than your birth order. And we did. We adopted older teenagers.

And.

Yeah, wow. I just want to pause there for a moment and acknowledge how powerful that is. You had mentioned that really it was this flip around mindset where you thought by focusing on yourself and not being of service to other people, including your family and kids, that you would actually have better health. But it was the opposite. How many things in life are like this, ladies, where we have this dedicated mindset that if we just do these certain things, everything will work out. And then we go through the journey and we realize, ah, it was actually the opposite. What do you think about this, Pearl?

Oh, I mean, that's so absolutely true. But you know, we were raised to learn to our parents. We're just so grateful for our parents, you know, to learn to give out and to give ourselves. So I'm not sure that Serene found it too hard to learn to give. It's natural to her. But you know, still, I remember when I had my first baby and I was like, oh my goodness, my life is over. I mean, I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself. I could barely take a shower. And I remember as much as I love this baby, I remember thinking, what has happened to my life? And then as I just gave to this child and I learned motherhood is such a joy and such an honor and such a privilege as I gave my life over. I experienced just such far greater joy than I could have known just with my easy life before that baby. And so I do think that there's such science behind it, too.

Talking about the science, you know, some people think, oh, and it's true. You know, they have adrenal fatigue or because they've had a hard time, you know, maybe their mother died of breast cancer. And these are hard times, you know, they've gone through. And they had to move house at the same time.

And.

But I feel like our bodies. God made our bodies incredible to heal themselves. Even if we go through hard times, it doesn't mean that we can't heal. And so what I'm trying to say is, is we aren't designed to protect ourselves. We are designed to give, give, give. And, you know, I'm just thinking of the people that have gone through Jewish concentration camps, you know, who have just been completely devoid of nourishment and abused and everything. And then you hear their stories, they go on to live to like 90. And so the point is that, yes, we do seek health values and try and. And do our duty every day for health. But I do feel like. And we've touched it on here, so that's why I'm bringing the point home, is that I do feel like if we solely focus on that and then don't balance it out with a life of reaching out and giving up, even if it sacrifices. Feels like it sacrifices some of our health information, I feel like we're not really celebrating the body that we have that is able to go through stuff.

To go through stuff scientifically, to go through stuff. Hormesis. It's actually like the stressors that we have. Eustress and distress. It's the eustress, it's the giving that biologically, scientifically allows us to grow. That's kind of why the lobster gets a new shell. And I think about this self talk, ladies, where we've talked about eating now, you know, the witching hour and protein first. And we all know about movement and sleep, how important those things are. I don't think we need to do any more talk about those. Everybody gets to sleep and everybody move as much as possible. But it's the self talk. It's the self talk that I think paralyzes people. You know, this narrative of I'm not good enough or I can't handle this. And we talk about giving and how giving and growth allows us to become stronger. What have you both learned since becoming moms in the beginning around self talk. How have you made your self talk? From a place of love, from a place of empowerment.

Well, me, I'll talk. This is pearl. This has been huge in my life, my self talk. I mean. And this was an epiphany to me a couple of years ago because, you know, even though I was raised in a very encouraging home, I realized as I went on that my self talk in my mind was very negative and it was full of fear. I just thought it was my personality. You know, I thought I was a natural worry. And that's naturally anxious. Naturally like that. But then I realized, but I don't have to naturally be that way at all. I can totally train my mind. And you talked about ancient biblical wisdom. You know, the scriptures say, take every thought captive. Our thoughts are speaking to us all day. And I was always in this, well, oh, what if I get breast cancer? Or, oh, what if that happens? And constantly was wearing down on my health. And then I just. I realized the way I think becomes who I am. And I just took those thoughts captive. And now I just. I just don't allow them in. I mean, they try to come in, but I'm like, no, my body is here to be healed. And you know what? And I am worthy to treat myself with respect, and I am worthy to love and be loved by my family. And that's where it is.

That's huge. And for my side of things, too, I had fear terribly. It was a real stronghold in my life. And to me, it was for my children. It was a warrior of my children. I'm sure a lot of women can relate as they listen. Just anxious. Where I'd have all the CPR on my fridge and on the walls. What if they choke? And what if the ambulance can't get there in time? Just very obsessively worried over my children to the point where I worked myself into panic attacks, Panic attacks. And I saw that I could actually think my way into a panic attack or think my way out. And I saw the power of my thoughts. I could actually think thoughts that would close my throat, think thoughts that would make my heart race, or think thoughts about the future that would completely relax me physically. And to me, too, it's about the scriptures. In proverbs, it says, she smiles at the future. And that's what I had to learn because I would always forebode about the future. What if, what if, what if one of my children dies? What if. But you know, it was the remove Moving of those thoughts and just the trusting, trusting in God and having that peace of soul that I stopped all panic attacks. I was actually having so many. I went to the emergency room like once a month.

So you could think your way into a panic attack, or you could think your way into love connection and abundance. This power of thought, we all understand it's like a light switch, right? I mean, we can choose to be happy in a moment, yet there's so many things that we must do before then so we can be that powerful person when we're feeling triggered in the moment of stress to flick the light switch. On a conceptual level, we all understand we can always choose happiness. But do the women in your communities talk about this? This is the conversation that we love having. It's like when I'm triggered, when I'm feeling the worst feelings and emotions. How do I transcend that? What are some of the conversations that you're having in your community around this?

And this is a big conversation because it is the way we talk to ourselves. I mean, even with weight loss journeys, you know, I mean, there's the big conversation in people's head, you know, once they mess up. Well, I will. I'll really. I'll never get this. You know, I'll just. This is me on our podcast. We have Trim Healthy podcast. We bring this up constantly because even more than what you eat is what you're saying in your mind to yourself. And we realize this is a huge thing and women are getting it. They're realizing as they literally choose to do this and as they walk out in it, it's little by little, step by step, and it's playing, it's saying, okay, right now I have the choice to stress and freak out and flip out and be full of shame, or I have the choice to say, no, I forgive myself for that. I'm going to keep going. I am loved. I love. I can be healed. All these, you know, and it's the.

Renewing of your mind. And that doesn't take just a split second.

Yeah.

You know, because it took so many years of negative thinking and negative self talk to kind of create those synapse tree branches in your brain, you know, and it takes a while to kind of lop them all off and change that ugly kind of tree that's just decayed and rotten to be a flourishing tree full of branches that is, you know, shading other people instead of pulling them down with nut. Because not only are you pulling yourself down when you're like that, you can't love, you know, you end up pulling people down around you. You're not there to shelter and to shade.

Wow. This is why I love your message. This is why I've enjoyed our conversation. And this is why I think trim healthy table, trim healthy mama, trim healthy community has been so successful. Quote, quote, because you're actually helping people enjoy the journey. This is a different narrative than the one where it's like, when I get there, then I'll be happy. Let's lose as much weight as possible as quickly as possible. But I've so enjoyed this and I'm thinking about the big question here. Stop making it so hard. How do we do this? I'd love to get each one of you to explain in a few sentences. You actually just did a podcast on this. Tell people about the podcast, Pearl. And then we'll go into each answer for each lady around how we do stop making this so hard.

Well, I think with me, with stop making this so hard. Once again, it's mindset. I believe it is mindset. If I'm going to think and complicate this more than it has to, then I'm making it hard. If I'm telling myself, well, I'll never get this, it's just me, I can't understand that or I can't walk that out, then I'm making it hard. And then practical steps. What makes this easier for me? Maybe I simplify my life. Maybe I get that group of meals that I call my sweatpants meals because they're comfortable and easy. Maybe I take just little baby steps. And before each meal I say, okay, where's my protein? Got my protein. Okay, do I have my veggies? Do I have a healthy carb or a healthy fat? Basic, basic things that we don't have to complicate our lives. And that is what takes us to goal. And speaking of the journey, real quick, I want to say it's a never ending journey. Especially as women. We go through different phases of our lives and you know, we go through, through childbearing years and then perimenopause and menopause. It's constantly changing. So we're constantly on this journey of health and we change and tweak as we go. You know what, it's fun. And if we look forward to it with joy, it can be an incredible experience.

And for me, how to stop making it so hard. It's a constant reminder to my personality, hey, it doesn't have to be miserable.

To work.

More isn't necessarily more, sometimes less. And happiness and pleasure is more because my personality would be to have to exercise to the point where I was laying on the floor like a dying cockroach and realizing that science actually backs up the principles that less is more. Sometimes exercising to the point where you're not turning on your cortisol, where it is enjoyable, is more anti aging and actually does more for your body.

In.

A way that's not turning on the catabolic effect on your muscles. I've just had to learn, even with eating, that just because I can tick the box at the end of the week and say I never had one cheat meal this week doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy if I was miserable all week to get to that moment of perfection at the end of the week. So to me it's saying don't make it so hard, serene. Make it enjoyable. Because life is about joy. It's not about ticking that perfect box.

Wow, the ticking of the boxes. This is something we've talked about so much on the podcast. It's you don't need a PDF or a perfect guide guide or some kind of box checklist to enjoy the journey. It actually comes from breathing and just living life through a lens of self love. This self love aspect, I feel like all roads lead to self love and to feeling worthy. So thank you for reminding us about that during this entire conversation. This is the last part of the show. It's three questions. Well, with both of you it's going to be six answers. So serene. I'd love for you to answer your physical intelligence practice right now. What is something, in other words words, that you're leaning into with your full day around physical intelligence? You're eating, you're moving, or you're sleeping. What's something you're leaning into right now.

Is learning to stop saying the word rush. Because I always say to my children, I'm so, so sorry, sorry, sorry I can't check your work right now because I'm just rushing. I'm just rushing. Hey, would you do this for me? Because I'm just rushing at the door and I thought to myself lately, stop saying the word rushing, Serene. Because you say it a million times a day and you mustn't have a very enjoyable life if you're constantly rushing. So I've tried to think of a new word that maybe I'm. I haven't quite thought of it.

Josh, you're in the process.

Yeah, I'm in the process. But I'm really going to stop saying the word rushing because maybe it will Help me to stop rushing. Because I feel like I find when I rush that I actually move so much more with less brains that I'm knocking things out. Like, if I'm rushing to make lunch, the milk's going to spill out of the fridge and I'm like maybe bumping into the countertop and I'm not being very intelligent about the way I'm making the meal. It's just very. It's in a very anxious head space. So I find that when I rush, I'm actually not getting it done faster. I'm actually getting it done with less expertise and even slower in the end. So I'm trying to tell myself if you make sure that you're not dilly dallying and like painting your nails at the same time, you know, you have a focus, but don't make it rush. So that's what. Hey, I'm just focusing. That's going to be my new word. Instead of rushing, I'm focusing.

I love that. And it really brings us back to the breath. Like if we're breathing and we're focused on our breath and calming ourselves down, we don't have to rush. And you'll find the word, the perfect word at some point. Pearl, what do you think about this, your new practice that you're leaning into?

Oh, yeah. For me, to be honest, lately it's actually what I'm doing for exercise. So as I said, I guess it's not a great word to say of myself. Lazy. But I'm not like Serene, where I get my jollies from exercising my whole life. I never wanted to exercise, but I did. And we've even done exercise DVDs together. But Serene created the plan. But still, you know, for me it was like, oh, man, do I have to do it?

You know?

But I've had a rebounder for many years, but recently I got a new one and I am just experiencing joy and love. When I'm jumping on that thing.

It's the ones with the bungee cords and not the springs. And so it doesn't make that train, train, train.

I just realized for me, it's just really smart because I don't have to do long sessions. I get all this oxygen throughout my whole body. I can just do a five minute session and then come back to it. Okay. It's total joy for me and I'm exercising, so I'm just about it right now. Yeah, pure joy.

I love that. I've seen so many people use it and like you're reminding us all Maybe we get to pick up a rebound. It's really good for the lymphatic system too. So we look at emotions, we talk about emotions on the show so much. And this intelligence, this continual learning about our emotional intelligence, Serene, is there one thing that you're focused on for your own emotional intelligence? In other words, what are you leaning into around your self narrative, your emotional health and your mental framework as you go about your day? What's something that's interesting to you right now for emotional health and emotional intelligence?

I find myself saying I feel overwhelmed. And I feel like that was a statement that was just self degrading because I feel like, well, you know, I'm a great believer in the Bible and I feel like the scripture says I don't give you what you can't handle. That's huge to me. So I feel like I'm always saying I feel overwhelmed. That that's not, that's not a positive statement over my life because, you know, there's nothing really in my life that should be overwhelming. If I choose to believe it's not overwhelming. But if I say I'm overwhelmed, it's going to feel like a heaviness. What I mean by that is because not only do I have family life, but we have business too. So I'm trying to see saw family and business and I don't feel like my family is overwhelming at all. But when I try and incorporate that with work and business, that's when I feel this overwhelming sense. But I don't have to feel that way. I mean, it's just all of a mental choice. So I'm trying as I'm trying to not say I'm rushing. I'm trying to not say, say I feel overwhelmed because I find that I do feel overwhelmed. The more I state it and the more I say, hey, it's going to be fun to go over and do this interview with Josh Trent. That'd be awesome. Bye children, have a great time. Mommy's off to have an awesome conversation. Then I have all the energy to talk to you instead of like, oh, I can't believe it. How can I do work and family? Then it's dismal and then it's hard. So that's my emotional thing. It's very much the thoughts that I think think that create my emotional health.

Yeah. Let's hear from the second mom about this. I'm curious what comes up for you. You just heard her share.

Yeah, for me it's the pictures I paint visually in my head. I've always been wanting to. This is a little. Maybe too honest, but you know What? My husband's 15 years older than me, and I used to have this habit, and it was a habit of worrying about him dying early. And I was always at his funeral in my head. I mean, I could go into these.

Long pictures of me at his funeral.

And crying, and what do I do? And it's like, you know, he's gone and he's left me. And I tell you, I've even been to my own funeral in my head. It was like this dismal painting pictures into the future. And I would do it on next week when I have to do that, you know what that interview on TV we have to do. What. What if we mess up? And I just, like, have this whole visual of me messing up completely and our business dying because of it, and it's just like, oh, my goodness. So I have constantly. Now when my brain goes to do that, it's just like, stop paint a positive visual. So now I just see myself and my husband, and we're playing with our grandchildren. I'm no longer at his funeral. I refuse. I mean, what a waste of time.

Wow. The power of language, the power of visualization. Last question for you both. We talk about wellness, which obviously has deep impacts on physical, emotional, and spiritual, our faith. What is wellness to you, Serene? Now, what is your definition of wellness?

It's definitely not about ticking the boxes. That's my thing I keep talking about. It's definitely not just about food. It's definitely, to me, the full picture. Spirit, mind, body, soul. And to me, it's being able to rest because I always struggle with fear. And then I had the panic attacks. For me, it was finding deep soul rest was true health for me. And I found that through God, through Jesus. So deep soul rest is my place where I anchor my health. Because I did a lot of right things in the past, but I was very much plagued with anxiety and fear, and they were pulling down all the good steps I was doing. So to me, it was finding that final place a haven, a haven of rest for my soul.

What do you think, Pearl? What's your definition of. Well.

You know, to me, honestly, when I look at. What do I. I look at my relationships and how's my relationship with my husband? To me, that's well. And how's my relationship with my children? And those things are just so important to my state of mind and to my state of body. But, you know, we can't give to our husbands and children and we can't give and receive and really nurture these relationships if we're physically doing real stupid stuff on a daily basis. If we're spiking our blood sugar and having pop tarts for breakfast, for example, you know that that puts us in a state where we're not self respecting and self loving enough to then go and pour in to husband or children. So I feel like there's this just beautiful counterbalance. Look after myself, look after my relationships and it flows.

Mic drop. That was so powerful. And I'm thinking about how many times I've felt that in this conversation. This episode, episode is going to be a classic. I know that moms are going to go back to this and dads as well. Anybody that deals with stress and overwhelm that happens to bear life into the world. Ladies, I've so enjoyed this. People can go to trimhealthymama.com we're also going to be talking a lot more about this over the next coming weeks@wellnessforce.com group. We're going to continue this conversation. So join us in the Facebook group. Where can people learn more and start engaging? If a mom's feeling this inspiration, this real talk from both of you, where can she go? Where can she dig in?

Well, yeah, I mean come over to our podcast too. I mean Trim Healthy Podcast, we deal with this on a weekly basis and then we are really, our woman are really engaged on Facebook. So we have our Facebook groups where they just talk all day long and they just encourage one another in this lifestyle of physical and emotional health. And that's Trim Healthy Mama on any group. Trim Healthy Mama group on Facebook and they are just such encouraging places.

Serena, Pearl, thank you for coming on the show. This enjoyment of the process, I know people are going to take that home and eat it too. Thank you both for coming on the show.

Thank you Josh.

Appreciate it.

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