213 Bonnie Kelly: Winning The Mind

When it comes to your diet, nutrition, finances, relationships, career, self identity, like, those are the programs that might need some exploration and then they need to be released. We need to release how we think and feel, how we're operating, and then we can get to the final step, which is then the resolve. And the resolve is the choice. And that's where now we can decide consciously who the conscious self is, who we decide to be moving forward. How do I want to view myself? How do I want to think about things? How do I want to look? So that way this version of ourselves is the only self that we know, and we become to expect that.

That's Bonnie Kelly, and this is episode 213 of Wellness Force Radio. What's up, my friend? It's your host, Josh Trent. And welcome back to another episode for your weekly access to global experts in all things wellness as we discover the physical and emotional intelligence we need to live life well. What's up, everyone? We've got a powerful podcast lined up for you today. So no matter if you're listening to this in the car or just going about your day at home, this interview with my friend, best selling author and specialized core energy coach Bonnie Kelly, for her third time on Wellness Force, is laying out a very practical approach for all of us to get to the root of the subconscious problems and really beliefs that block us from having our highest levels of emotional intelligence. Now, before we get into the show today, I just want to acknowledge you. I haven't done this for a while and I want to shine a spotlight on the fact that you take your valuable time to listen to this show and connect with all of us, to the warrior inside of you. Because let's face it, in our current world, it's not set up for living life well. It takes a warrior mindset and heart. Being a wellness warrior means someone that no matter the distractions, the stressors, or anything that life throws at them, they stay focused and grounded on what they want. And isn't that all that really matters in this life? What we're working towards, truly what we want? Because we, we're here together. We're figuring out how to do this. This is why we explore the physical and emotional intelligence. So thank you for being a wellness warrior in our world, someone that believes what we all believe, that we deserve to live our life well. Now, one cool thing about the podcasting world is that we get to connect our Wellness Force community to Intelliskin, who brings us our physical intelligence shows. And if you've heard on the podcast before, they make human technology. This is a smart compression top for men and women. Two of the biggest inputs to our somatic awareness, it's posture and breath. Did you know though this is a fun fact, 75% of people that slump forward, that have poor posture are actually not breathing correctly. And when you don't breathe correctly from your diaphragm, it puts your body in a state of fight or flight, which is exactly what we're talking about on the show today with Bonnie. So how do we correct this? Well, we sit and stand and move with our shoulders pulled back and when we do this, we actually can breathe properly all throughout the day. You can do this through the smart compression from IntelliSkin. Just go to IntelliSkin.net, use code WF20 to get 20% off this test drive of your smart compression. This will literally gently pull your shoulders back all throughout the day. And for the ladies, they have some really stylish and functional tops in yoga and athletic clothes that will also put you in proper posture throughout the day. Head over to the Intelliskin website, use code WF20, get 20% off so you can pull your shoulders back and breathe better, which makes you feel better. And feelings, as you'll learn from Bonnie on the show today, actually come after thoughts. And then of course below the thoughts are the beliefs, the TFA or Thought Feeling Action Triad. As discussed in Bonnie's book True to youo Core and also on our previous two episodes, number 40 and 87, we talked about upgrading subconscious beliefs and getting out of our own way. But on today's podcast, we're taking a right turn to talk about identity. It's through this Identity Awareness piece that we can actually win the mind. Bonnie's going to share with us how we can implement the law of vibration, how it can help us release a conditioned self to a conscious self. How to take an inventory of people in life to see if they are aligned with our purpose or not. What is spiritual bypassing? Why is it dangerous for the mind in relationships? How to win the mind through Bonnie's system of identifying the root, the release and the resolve. We also talk about religion, which may challenge a lot of people in the community in a healthy way. And we also went in many more direct everything from MeToo to spirituality and letting go of our societal and parental expectations to cease shame for what it really is. An ego driven narrative that has nothing to do with the emotional intelligence that we all get to have. Shownotes from today are@wellnessforce.com 213Give Bonnie Kelly. A huge shout on Instagram and Facebook. Let her know she brought value to your life here on Wellness Force Radio. Now let's get into this podcast live and in person with my friend Bonnie Kelly. Yeah, Bonnie Kelly, this is like the third time. It's actually round three that you and I are sitting for a podcast. I'm so excited to talk to you. I know you invited me to your home. We're out here next to Folsom. Johnny Cash. Yeah. Let's talk about Johnny Cash for a minute. Like, why do you think he was so popular? Like, what was it about him that people had gravitated to? Because you and I, we geeked out for three hours this morning on Emotional Intelligence. Like, what makes us do what we do.

Yeah.

Which I know we're going to get into more of. I'm really stoked for that. But why do you think, like, Johnny Cash was so. By the public? What was it about?

I think his music, if I. I mean, again, I'm. I'm not a huge Johnny Cash advocate in the sense of. I don't know a lot about his music, but I do know that he. He just, like, he told it how it was, I think is what it was. And so he was able to sing about people's problems and then in. People could relate to that. So I think he was singing during a time where people could understand what he was saying, and so the people resonate with that. You know, when I. Truth. There's no, like, truth. Will. Will. Will populate popularity. You know, like, when people really come to the truth and speak to the truth. And I think people just gravitate towards that. And he's the claim to fame for this. This community. I know. It's weird. Fulsome. Yeah.

So this is my first time up here. I really love how lush and green it is. And I'm curious, like, for people that know you, like, I know people have listened to the two shows, episode 87 we had you on, and then you actually came on the show in the first hundred. You came again, though.

This.

This is the. Why did you choose this area? Like, what is this all about for you guys?

So I was in real estate for a long time. I think you know that. But I was flipping. I was flipping houses. So for each time I would buy in house, it was an investment for me. And I would just say that this. This is going to get me to the next thing. This is going to get me the next thing. So each home was never a home. So after we flipped the Last house, I mean, my husband and I, we had a huge profit from that one. And, you know, but for him, you know, he's not the flippy person, flipping houses type. So for me, it's like, I won't get emotionally attached to it. He absolutely wanted have a home versus have another investment. And so we had to make the decision. We either buy what we called our big boy house, or we reflip another home and just be there for two years and then flip again. And so he really advocated to find a home. And so when we looked at, okay, what community would we want to raise our family in?

Yes, you have a little child growing inside you right now, which is so exciting.

So what is our, you know, what school districts, what. What kind of experience do we want our children to have? And this community that we're in here, Josh, is very unique. It is very tight, community oriented. There's a lot of community festivals, community fairs. Everybody knows each other. They do. Like, they have traditions. Like, where most communities you live in nowadays, you don't know your neighbor. You live next to them for a decade. You never know your neighbor.

I don't know any of my neighbors. Somebody actually asked me that in the show a couple months ago, and I was like, you're right. I know like two of my neighbors, and there's hundreds of people around me there. Right. That happens to all of us. And we live in this frenetic society, which you and I riffed on so much this morning. And I love that you said about Johnny Cash. You're like, you know, people gravitated towards his truth.

Yes.

Because he represented something that collectively could be felt. It didn't necessarily have to even be with words. It was just like he had a presence. What do you think your presence is? Like, what's your truth for the people that know you and Bonnie Kelly and the third time on the show, tell us what you've been up to. And then also, like, what's your truth? Like, what do people know you for?

So I think my. My truth is really the emotional revolution. You know, I think I'm actually here to help people realize that a different emotional state as possible. I don't think many people recognize the impact that our emotions have on us on a regular basis. So, like, the impact on your decisions, on your interactions, on your relationships, on your finances, on your health and fitness. I mean, everything, Josh, like, I mean, your emotions are impacting every component of what you're experiencing. And if we're not making that connection, because that's where's a big disconnect, right? We've been taught to just shut it down, numb it out, tune it out. Like, that's what we've been taught about emotions. And so I want to. My. My job, like, is what I'm here to do is to wake people up and to start making that connection, but making it in a way where we can. We can feel responsibly. Right. And hear that. We could feel responsibly where we could take ownership of our emotions and get off the shame, blame, and complain train that so many of us are riding around on, where we can just take emotional responsibility so we can live our most conscious and epic life. Like you and I were geeking out so much about, you know, just. Just the evolution of consciousness and people. And, you know, we can just take that conversation so deep because of the fact that we're not limited by a lot of our emotional restrictions anymore. We've. We've learned to master these skills. And so my job is to help people, you know, end that cycle of self sabotage, to recognize how they're participating in that and to free themselves from it in a way that allows them to just be happy.

Everyone wants more freedom, but the things that stand in the way of that sometimes are exterior. But I would say nine times out of the 10, they're interior.

Oh, yeah.

It's really what's going on. And it's this imprinting that you and I have talked about before, from childhood, where we go through these things, and instead of seeing them as happening through us or for us, they've happened to us.

Yes.

And this is an awesome way for us to dive into this conversation, because things that happen, there's always a way to spin that so that we can actually grow from it. And people know your story. I mean, so many thresholds, Bonnie. Oh, my God. I don't. I know anyone who's had more things happen for them that you've made happen for you than anyone out there. So maybe just a quick story of our last two podcasts we've done together. If people are hearing you for the very first time, just a couple things that you've gone through so that people know, like, oh, this woman hasn't had some easy life, and she doesn't just coach hundreds of thousands of people without actually going through the thresholds herself, you know?

Yeah, well, because that's actually, you know, when the student finally becomes the teacher. Right. So where, you know, life, you know, made me a student for a very long time, and. And I've had my Fair share of adversity, you know, and again, if you want to get more detail, go back to the other shows, you know, but it was just.

We went deep.

We did, yeah, just a lot of abandonment, a lot of physical, mental and sexual abuse, you know, from when I was a child. A lot of these just experiences of neglect and confusion, you know, embedded in me, these beliefs that I was worthless, that I wasn't, that I wasn't enough. Which is very understandable. I mean, with what I endured childhood, that's understandable. And as a result though, that, that program, those beliefs that now receded deep into my subconscious and deep into my heart were driving. So the emotions of that were driving my decisions. And so I got addicted to drugs, in and out of jail, in and out of rehabs. I was jumping from state to state like a gypsy. I mean, I moved from Michigan to Mississippi, to Alabama, to Ohio, back to Michigan before I found my way to California.

That sounds exhausting. It was like a lot of travel right there.

Well, and it was because each state I was running, you know, and I think a lot of us run in different ways. I was physically running from my life, but I think all of us run different ways. Numbing out through television, video games, through exercise, even through obsession books. Right. I mean, there's so education like that non stop need to go back to school, that we all find ways to numb ourselves out because we're running from something. And you know, that was what I was doing. But what I found was that everywhere I went, there was one person that I couldn't run away from, which was me. And so I had to learn very quickly. And you know, fate had it, that brought me out to California where I reconnected with my real father. Super fascinating story if you guys ever want to listen to that one. But I got reconnected with my real father. And thank God that the universe had prepared him for me. Because I came in such a mess, so unconscious, so angry, so hurt, so emotionally pent up. I mean, when you talk about people who are just have a lot of repressed rage and hurt and anger and disgust and despair, and it was all like directed, not, I mean, towards me, a lot of that self deprecation, but it was also like targeted at, you know, God and my dad, that it was just like, you abandoned me. You did, but I wasn't safe to express it.

Yeah.

And so it was getting. I was trying to find new ways to numb out because when I came to California, I gave up drugs and, you know, so I got Huge into fitness for a long time. And then I developed an eating disorder where I had bulimia. So that was a new way to control the emotions. But all of that time, I'm just trying to find, you know, answers, and I didn't know I was looking for them. And thankfully, my dad was ready for me when I came out because losing his children put him on a spiritual path that helped him get out of his way. So when I came in, that everything that I brought with me didn't trigger him, that he was able to process and to separate my mess and my projection and my anger and my hurt and not take it personal. Like, he had moments maybe, of that, but for the most part, he was able to just see the hurt for what it was and allow me the space to process, allow me the direction. I mean, he was giving me, you know, direction of, you know, different coaches and different, you know, academies and things that I could take, classes that I could take to learn a better way. And, you know, it was really within a book that he gave me, Josh. That kind of just sparked a consciousness that became an obsession that just now became my life's purpose.

Yes.

And it was this saying that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. And that was just a radical awakening for me. I mean, just a radical awakening because I had experienced so much pain. And to recognize, like, that's. Everybody does to their own degree, but that suffering was optional because all I knew up until that point was suffering. All I felt was suffering. My thoughts were suffering, my feelings were suffering, my body was suffering. Everything. My finances were suffering. Right. I came here with $300 to my name, and I had to spend half of it on a train ticket. Right. So I was. Everything in my life was suffering. And to recognize that that was a choice, like, I had to know more. I had to know, how is that a choice?

This is why I've always loved and been fascinated by what you've created and what you've been through, like, what's happened for you. Because I think a lot of people will go through something like that, and they won't choose the path you've chosen. And I say choose because that's a word you use a lot. And this choosing, sometimes it's not always as easy as Gretchen Rubin said. I think we're on the podcast. And she was like, you know, I think most people are pretty happy, Josh. Most people, if you ask them, they're pretty happy. And I was like, I want to play devil's advocate for you, because I don't think that happiness is a light switch that we flick. I don't think we just get to a point in our life where, oh, you know what? Next Tuesday, I'm going to choose to be happy. It doesn't work like that now. It might work like that once you develop the inner confidence and the skill sets and the emotional intelligence tools. That may take years or months or however long that takes. But it's not just so simple as a choice. One thing that I've been exploring lately, something that's been triggered me, I'd love to get your take on this. It's this meme of good vibes only. Good vibes only. No bad days, no positive vibes. It's the quintessential Bonnie, like spiritual bypassing. For people that aren't aware of spiritual bypassing. I know that this is something you talk about. What is spiritual bypassing? Why is it dangerous?

Yeah. So I think that it's a new way of hiding or running from ourselves. And, you know, and this could be a very controversial topic. So, you guys, I'd love to. We'd love to hear from you on this. Like, for sure. Like this is a conversation.

And have you posted a meme that says good vibes only?

No, I personally haven't. You know, I do like. I do like the idea of like high vibes, right? And creating high vibes and staying in a high vibe, you know, but the reality is that life isn't good vibes only. And then the people that in your life, if you're only allowing good vibes in and you're not allowing, you know, real reality in, then you're going to be missing out on opportunities for growth. Because growth happens not in the good vibes. Right. Growth happens in the hardship and the struggles and the failures and the pitfalls. Right. And of course, it's not pretty. And I'm not wishing that upon anyone who's listening to this, you know, but that's. That's how we evolve, right? It's through. It's through the polarities, right? The light and the dark, the good and the bad, that allows us to really, like, steer towards what do we desire and to be more like what we des. But when we say good vibes only, I feel like some people take that to a point where they're just going to completely X people out because they're not in the right vibration. And it's a way to just kind of run from intimacy or run from relationships. And not in all cases, because I do advocate for that. You should Go through a process where you're taking inventory of the people in your life and you are deciding whether or not they serve, you know, your higher purpose. Because there are people that aren't wanting to be conscious. There are people who, you know, are just so stuck in their story that they're not able to shift. And we have points in our lives where we have to recognize that that is damaging to us. Right there is damaging. I mean, I had to take a two year sabbatical from my family and because when I was in recovery, my therapist actually said that they were toxic to my recovery, they were toxic to it. And so I had to separate because she said I wasn't capable of separating their dysfunction from my identity. And I wasn't at the time. So I had to take inventory and eliminate people. Now I'm, of course, in a much different place where I always joke about I am very good at having functional relationships with dysfunctional people. So I know how to navigate that. I know how to not allow their energetic space or vibe or their toxicity to invade my heart or mind, you know, to, to. To know that this is their experience and to even offer guidance and love and support and a different experience for them to hold space while they're in that place.

Why do you think people actually get stuck there though? Like law of vibration, law of attraction, however you want to describe it, we're electrical beings. Like one part I loved. Actually in our last podcast we talked about the computer analogy where our brain's the computer and they're really just gathering evidence for this hard drive, which I love. That's actually helped me. I want to thank you for this. That has helped me so much in my own discovery process in life. So huge kudos to you and your work for that. And I'm thinking about somebody listening who's like stuck in that low vibration. They have the environment around them where their parents aren't serving them, their friends are low vibe and they're literally stuck. Now when someone's in that state, it can be so overwhelming that the mind, whether subconscious or conscious, doesn't even consider that there's a way out.

Right?

Somebody's there listening.

Well, many people don't know that they have a choice, you know, they don't. I mean, if you're listening to this now, I mean, this could be your wake up call for you to recognize that you have a choice, that you have a choice to think and to feel and to believe whatever you desire. The problem is, is that your brain unfortunately has accepted different software, right? It's been conditioned to believe that you're weak or small or incapable or unlovable, or that you don't matter or that you're not enough. I mean, it's been just conditioned. And I like that you like that analog with the computer. Because I really want people to think, like, to separate their identities from these belief systems, right? To recognize it's just software and we need to upgrade the software. Just like eventually your technology outdates. I mean, I'm at a point right now where my iPhone 6S plus isn't working anymore, right. I need to upgrade to something better. Right. It's an old model, and so I know that I need to upgrade my software. Right. But I'm not personally feeling, like, belittled by the fact that my phone doesn't work. And so when we can think of, like, your brain, like technology that sometimes just needs to be upgraded, it doesn't feel so abusive, right? Because I think we allow our brains to abuse us because we've taken our identities and we've tangled it into these conditioned belief systems that were a lot of times installed in our mind on accident or were installed in our minds because our family doesn't know better. Right. I mean, we have, like, a society of people who don't know how to take emotional responsibility, who are. Don't know how to deal or cope or heal from their pains and their hurts, and so they're numbing it out the best way they can. So in truth, you have hurt people raising people, and so you just have hurt people, hurting people, and then we don't know what to do with that. So then we do what we were taught, and then we hurt people, and then we have all this pain, and we just get lost in this cluster of hurt. And so when we can recognize that that's all, unfortunately, pain is inevitable. Right. That's a part of that, that. That analogy. However, the suffering is optional, that we can learn. There's skills, there's tools, there's coaches, there's programs that are out there available to everyone listening to anyone. It. But the problem is it's going to challenge you to do something that's uncomfortable.

Yes.

Like spend money. Like, you know, and I would even.

Argue with you, like, maybe even beyond the money's one part. It's more like in the cave of darkness, what will you actually find?

Right.

That's the scariest part.

Oh, opening Pandora's box. Yeah, that actually number one thing that people will tell me when they join, like my programs, for example, they say, you know, I'm like, what are you most afraid of joining? And they're just like opening Pandora's box. Yeah.

If I start feeling that emotion, will I get stuck there forever?

Am I ever going to be able to close it again? And I say, unfortunately, no. And I said, you can't close the lid once you open it. I said, but we can release what's inside. And I said, and we can choose to put something new inside if you want. And I said, so yeah, I said their fear is true. It's valid because once you start on this path, you can't go back, can you, Josh?

No. And actually I can attest to this because, gosh, since 2010, 2011, I've been really leaning in and there have been many points where I'm like so frustrated that I started this work because I can't ever go back. And then I realized, oh, that's okay. That's actually just that old vibration attempting to pull you back. Let's talk about vibration then. Because a lot of people see this as woo woo. I know in your work, like you've served so many people, corporate sphere, one on one, large groups on the stage, like fricking everywhere. But law vibration's always there, it's always present. How do you see that? Like, what do you really believe that law of vibration actually is.

I love this because you and I actually get to geek out on this. And I actually got to geek out yesterday. I was talking to somebody, I was coaching somebody on the phone and I got to nerd out to the nth degree on.

Some people are turned off.

Yeah.

Turned off by it.

Well, because it's, it's. Well, they're turned off by it because they don't understand it is. I think what it is, you know, is that when you think about the law of vibration, you know, it's, there's a lot of definitions. So my personal idea of this is I, you know, whatever you put out there is kind of what you're going to get back, you know. So you are the creator of your reality, period. Right. And the problem is, is that we're creating our reality by default, by accident. We're creating our reality by our conditioned self versus our conscious self. So the conditioned self is the one that is harboring all the hurt, it's harboring all the pain, it's harboring all the fear. And so what the fear tells the conditioned self is that you need to play small, that you don't want to feel worthless again, do you? No. So don't do that. Don't date him, don't go there, don't do this. And so we play it safe because the conditioned self is there to protect us because it knows pain and it knows it well. And so its default program is to just keep you safe. And how does it keep you safe is it keeps you small and it scares the pants off of you to keep you there. And so then we get limited and then we start creating that same reality. So, you know, in the financial world, right, is that, believe it or not, a lot of people struggle with this idea that they don't feel that they're capable of success or wealth or that money is difficult or money is bad. And so they. Because the belief system, the conditioned self believes that, that your conditioned self is going to continuously attract or to send out these signals that, hey, give me more reasons to be broke, you know, give me more excuses and we will unconsciously self sabotage. Now, I'm not saying woo woo in the sense of like, you just, you know, like if you remember the law of attraction, they're like, it's like ordering from a catalog and you just pick something and poof, there it is.

Next thing you know, your grandpa's coming in with a new bike.

It's like, no, that's not really how it works, you know, but the brain is a computer, right? It is just, it's following instructions. So it's going to not notice opportunities for financial gain. It's not going to notice an opportunity for advancement. It's just not going to notice these things because it's not conditioned to believe that. Because that's not what the conditioned self says. And so that's what I mean by the law of vibration, right? So is that if your vibration is there, where you're just constantly thinking about not having enough, worried about the bills, you know, worried about where's the money going to come from? How am I going to do this? And you're stressed and you're feeling bad and you're resentful, you're angry, you're hurt. Well, that's what the brain is like, okay? This is what it's been told. So let's look for these things.

This is so good, Bonnie, because, gosh, we have this brain and the software and then we also have a way to quantify this. David Hawkins, Power versus Force.

Love it.

One of the best books ever talks about like, you know, the vibration of shame, which is actually on his scale, the lowest vibration in the world is to feel shame. And I think out of a thousand, it's like in the 200s, if.

No, it's 20.

It's 20. That's right. You're right. I just added an extra zero.

Yeah. I was like, oh, no, no, no. Tier is 200.

Okay. And then if you move up the scale towards love and enlightenment and appreciation and really human connection, it's in the five hundreds to a thousand.

Yeah, exactly.

So there's a way now that science is actually quantifying this. And we talked about this with Robin Openshaw, she wrote Vibe. Fascinating work. But I think for people that are analytical minded where they're like, okay, in order for me to actually believe that the law of vibration exists, I need a measurement, I need science. Tell me. Yes, well, it exists. And yet you're also speaking to the same kind of busy professional, busy mother, just human being that knows they're feeling a bad vibe inside and they're not exactly sure if it's even real. They don't even know that it's actually electrical. How do you present this to people when you go on a stage or when you work with people, how do you actually take them from maybe woo, wooing and like saying, oh, the vibration doesn't exist to actually believing that it exists?

Yeah. So actually I always say, you know, because the law, your vibration is going to, you know, your, your perception is going to drive your vibe.

Right.

So the easiest analogy I use is that. Okay, Josh. What? What? Have you ever bought a new car?

Yes.

Okay, what was it?

2014. Subaru was beautiful.

Awesome. Did you have a Subaru before that car?

No.

Okay, now, did you ever notice how many Subarus were on the road before you bought that car?

Absolutely. I mean, when we want something, all of a sudden we start seeing it everywhere.

So before you wanted it, did you ever notice those cars on the road?

Not so much.

Exactly. So once you wanted it though, you started noticing. Now, once you started driving it, I bet you saw them everywhere, right? You see them everywhere. So it's because. The reason for this is because is that your brain is again, it's the software. So it's like it's training it to say, look for this, there's dozens if not thousands of different types of cars on the road, right? We don't notice every car. Your brain can't compute every single vehicle you see when you're driving down the freeway. And we just drove 40 minutes from the airport here, right? I mean we saw thousands of cars, but I only really noticed the ones that were familiar to me. I only noticed the ones that were familiar. So I noticed The Toyota Priuses, because I used to own one and I love that car. I noticed the Lexus ES3 hundreds. I swear to you, I've never seen those cars until I've owned one. And now everybody and their mom has it, right? So I start noticing these, but I don't notice the Ford Mustangs, I don't notice the Toyota Camrys, I don't notice the Chevy whatevers that are on the road. So my point is that the brain is just taking instructions. So it's filtering everything out. And so when we're talking about the vibration, right, so we're talking about different energy, different mindsets, is that your brain is taking instructions from whatever you're thinking and believing, and it's going to say, look at this. Look at this reality. It doesn't mean that the other realities don't exist. It doesn't mean that positivity, opportunity, abundance, joy, happiness doesn't exist. It's just that we're not focused in on that, so we don't notice it. And then our perception revalidates what it is that we believe. So if we believe that life is difficult and we. Because we're. And let's say that difficulty is the Toyota Camrys of the world, okay, is that we're gonna go out there and we're gonna always notice the Toyota Camrys. We're not gonna notice the Mercedes or the. I'm losing track of cars. But a Dodge Ram, so many cars out there, right? We're not gonna notice that.

We're only noticing the one that's familiar to us, even if it has an engine.

So this is where exactly. So when we're talking about, like the energy that's inside of us, right, that if we. You feel kind of a negative vibe. You feel this kind of pain inside of you that's gonna need a exploration because we need to understand what's triggering it, where it's coming from, right? What is this? What am I feeling? Like if we actually just paused, for the love of goodness, just paused to look at that, that brings in so much insight and awareness. And that'll tell you where is your perception? What are you looking at? What type of car are you noticing on the road? Because that's gonna drive tomorrow's decisions, it's going to drive tomorrow's experiences. And the next thing you know is that you have, you know, where you just struggling, you're broke, you don't have any money, and then you notice all the other people who are struggling and broke, and then you connect with them. And you relate with them. And then all you and all your buddies are living paycheck to paycheck. And you don't know the first thing about 401ks or retirement or saving or any of these things. And it's not that I'm judging that. What I'm saying is that it just is like, that's where the vibration begins to just, you know, to drive your life and to dictate your. Your life. And so we need to tune into that and we need to increase that vibe. We need to connect into gratitude, we need to connect into appreciation, we need to connect into abundance. And we need to let go of the stories, the beliefs, the ideas, the conditioned self, and get into the conscious self. And the conscious self is creative. The conscious self decides who do I want to be, how do I want to show up, you know, what experiences do I want to have? And when we can tap into that conscious self and reclaim our power, and I mean really reclaim our power, you can become an unstoppable force for whatever it is that you desire or want to create in your world.

I know somebody listening just clenched their fists together because they're feeling exactly what I do. It's this inspiration that's way different from hope. I've heard Joe Dispenza say hope is for beggars. And I kind of relate to that because I think, you know, if you. If we're just trying to spark hope out there in the world, that's not necessarily the kind of evidence that we can really gather that we can trust.

Because it's still connected to doubt.

It's still connected to, well, well, this could possibly happen. Rather than, you know what? I've experienced enough evidence, enough low vibration, enough negativity that I've just made the decision to collect and gather evidence in my life that relates to me being loved, supported, and on the right path.

Correct?

Yeah. That's something that's been coming through a lot for me lately is like today when I wake up, even if I feel a vibration that feels like shit that I don't like, I'm gonna claim loving ownership for my life. And I'm gonna gather the evidence all day today that I'm loved and I'm supported and that I'm on the right path.

So you set the intention. So what he did right there is that he just told his brain, he gave it instructions and said, brain, pay attention and look for this for me today. And so because he's instructing the brain, the brain is now going to start looking for that. And it's going to be like, oh, there it is. Oh, there it is. And then now you start cars that we see everywhere. Exactly, exactly. Like if all of you, I mean, if you don't drive, I mean pick a Tesla for example, right? Let's say you don't drive a Tesla but. And you've never really noticed them. And now I'm saying I want you for a week to focus on nothing but Teslas and you just start driving. You're going to start noticing that a lot more people have that car than you thought. You're going to notice they're a lot more abundant than you expected. There's a lot more than any of us would imagine. But it's because we're giving our brain instructions every morning. If you woke up and said brain, look for a Tesla today, I'm going to notice Teslas. And you do some research so you know what it looks like if you've never seen it before. So you understand what that like, looks, Looks like. Right. That's where the vision boards came in. Right. If you remember those, is that sometimes you need to do work to create a vision to create, to understand what that looks like for you. That Subaru that you bought. Right. You had to do some research to know what it is that you desired and then what color you desired and what it was that it looked like. And then once you've created that image, now you can start commanding and telling the universe and say, this is what I'm looking for. I'm looking for opportunities to make this happen. I'm looking for the abundance. We know how much money that it's going to take, we know what the payment's going to look like. Like. So we sometimes have to do a little bit of the research so we can get into the vibrational state to attract.

Yeah. And the intention is powerful and the vision boarding is powerful and so is working with a coach and everything. But you still get to do the work. And this is what really separates people from going from that low vibe imprinted state based on the past evidence to taking loving ownership of gathering the evidence now, right now, not tomorrow. Like in this moment. Somebody that's interested in gathering evidence, like how do they even begin that process? Is it just the choice? Do they get up in the morning and they're like, today I'm gonna gather evidence, or is there more work involved gathering this evidence?

Because honestly, I mean, what we're talking about, it sounds like, oh, I could go do this tomorrow. And honestly, technically you can, you can, you know, however, one of the steps that I want to make sure to emphasize, you know, there's. There's no substitute for the work. And part of the work is that we have to release the conditioned self. And if we don't really understand what it is that you believe and perceive. Okay, where are you at now? Like, where do you hold yourself back? Where do you limit yourself? What games do you play? Right. And you understand these games on a very subtle level. Because I think that especially people who've done some work like you and I were talking, that if you're miserable, you have a lot bigger drive, you know, to change, right? And you're going to see big monuments of success very quickly.

Temporarily, right?

Well, yes, very temporarily, unless you're doing the right type of work. But people like us who have done a lot of work that are now just kind of cleaning up the cobwebs in the garage, right? Like, we've cleaned up all the boxes, but now we have the cobwebs.

Occasionally I find a box of the monster.

True, true, true.

The work continues.

Yes, the work continues. But my point is these are now where we're focused more on the subtle ways that we sabotage. And when we can start to find that and we really can map that out, one of the first things we need to do is that we really need to show the mind not only how that's limiting us, but we need to show the mind how that isn't really the truth. Because again, I started off with this, is that the mind will accept whatever it believes and perceives as truth, and it connects to your identity. And once that happens, we have an identity crisis. We believe ourselves to be small and weak and incapable, right? That's the identity crisis. Because the truth is you're more than capable. The truth is that you're powerful beyond measure. The truth is that you're a brilliant, gifted light that could just accomplish whatever it is you desire in this world. But that's not what we feel is our truth, right? We've lost connection to that because that's the conscious self. So the conditioned self has accepted these beliefs and these limitations as reality. And we've come to just accept, well, that's how it is, right? I am shy. I am this, I am that, that. And we just. We label ourselves with them. So part of. Not only do we have to see how that limits us and really map that out, we have to start proving to the mind how that's not really the truth. And how we do that is we poke holes in the evidence. Right? So you gather the evidence and then you need to poke holes in it. Right? We just need to create enough reasonable doubt. So the brain is like, oh, well, maybe that's not the truth. Okay. And how you do that is that once you really kind of gather the map up, you're going to notice is that a lot of it's based on assumptions, a lot of assumptions or conclusions that you've drawn where you. You've concluded that. Well, because my mother was never loving or she was never there, my father abandoned me. Well, that's why I'm not lovable. Because if I was more lovable than they would. Right. And we reasoned with ourselves and we believe that to be true. I did. I mean, I'm not. I'm telling you I did. That was my truth. But when we look at that from an outside perspective, we can start to say, like, wait a minute, do you see the assumption here? Do you see that you're drawing that conclusion? What about the fact that mom and dad were incapable of love? We're not taking into consideration their experience with our experience. Because once you start doing that, you start recognizing, like, oh, wait a minute, it's not my fault, right, that they don't love me or that they abandoned me. That actually has everything to do with them, not with me. And so we can start poking holes in that evidence. And once we've done that now we can start to consciously create. So without the work, right. We have to do the foundation to really understand ourselves, understand why you do what you do, what's your motivators like, what's your drivers like? What. What has just got you to be this person? What do you believe? How does it limit you? And then poke holes in that. And now let's say, what do you decide? So now that we're free from that, who do you decide to be? And that's where you can consciously create. That's when you're talking about raising your vibration. That's where we start. Do it now the whole time that you're doing that. Detangling, right? Like we're remapping and we're untangling that. I always say you always want to still raising your vibration regardless. So every morning, starting off in gratitude.

Yeah.

All right. Appreciation. Even if your life sucks, if you.

Don'T feel like it.

Exactly.

It's actually when it matters the absolute most.

It does, it does.

That could be the anchor that pulls up the vibration, pulls up the way you feel. If you don't like vibration, it's like, the way you feel is everything to how the day's gonna be. If you don't feel good, then the day is going to be a representation of how you feel. And so you might have a day that could potentially be awesome. You get like gifts and people love you and your dog comes and gives you a snuggle, like whatever it is. But yet there's still something inside of a lot of people where they're. Honestly, in my opinion, and I know you have like three steps for this. There hasn't been the initial inventory.

Exactly.

And then before the inventory. Bonnie too. And I want to challenge you on this. Like, there has to be a curiosity. I don't think pain can be the only driver for curiosity there has or for actually the inventory. I think that having curiosity is a big part of this whole thing.

Oh, I know. You know, curiosity. I think Albert Einstein, if I'm not mistaken, you know, was used to talk about curiosity is one of the most fundamental gifts that all of us have.

And it's what gets lost when there's so much pain.

Exactly.

Because it gets. It's pushed to the wayside.

Yeah, right. Or because we get into this sense of, and forgive me, you know, if this sounds harsh, but we get into the sense of arrogance, of knowing, like, I know who I am, I know what life is about, I know these things. And when we get into that place, that's where we lose curiosity. We have a closed mind. And one of the most important things, even for coaches, people who are experts or masters, myself, you, whoever, is to always have that beginner's mind. Because I can't tell you how many times that. Where I go into somebody's three day workshop and I teach three day workshops. Right. So you want to. You don't want to, but there's a part of you that's like criticizing, you know, what they're doing. And that's because you're coming in with a closed and fixed mindset. And so you. I intentionally say, I'm going here with a beginner's mind. I'm here to learn. I'm here to see what I don't know, not what I do know. And when you can really explore yourself in that same state, it's like, I'm here to explore what I don't know and be curious about, you know, why is this limiting? I love that like 5 year olds are so good with my favorite 3 letter word, which is why. And they're so good. Because my niece, I remember she was in my car and she's like, auntie, why is the sky blue? And so I explained to her, you know, the best I could because I'm not a scientist of, you know, why the sky was blue and, you know, about the particles and, you know, the light rays and this and that.

You made something up. Cool in the moment.

Yeah, I did. Right. And it sounded really scientific. And she says, and she's just like, but why? And then I was like, well, I take it a little deeper, and I talk about the sun and, you know, all these different things. And then she's like, but why? And eventually I got to the point where I was just, I don't know. That's the way God made it. Boom. Closed mind right there, right? I don't know. That's just the way God made it. But she was so curious that those answers were never enough. They were never enough. She wanted more. She wanted better understanding. She wanted to take it deeper. And because I didn't have an answer for her, I didn't understand it. I didn't. I don't know. Like, I don't understand necessarily why the sky is necessarily blue either. However, like, it was right there. It was that moment, and I knew it right after I said it, I, like, was like. And I just closed my mind. I stopped questioning. I stopped being curious at that point. And so this is, you know, I think what you're saying is just the importance for us to not stop understanding ourselves is to not stop understanding, you know, why you maybe just reacted or nipped at your husband in the way that you did, why you've maybe not taken care of yourself in the way that you should, or, you know, that you're not doing these spiritual practice. Like, be very curious about that, because the answers are there. And the answers are going to help evolve you to a deeper, brighter, more beautiful state of who you are.

And a lot of these practices, too. They really overlap. So before the inventory, there's the curiosity, and then before the curiosity, there's also maybe some work around religion and spirituality, because that's a narrative in our society. I mean, how many millions of people across the world worship something that maybe even blocks them from the inventory itself? Right? So contrasting spirituality and religion. How have you seen religion dampen that inventory process for people?

You know, I think that again, you know, and I'm not dogging on anything any religious, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for we just want your truth beliefs. But I do believe that when people say that they figured it all out, we've lost that curiosity. And I believe that my personal belief is that the truth is too big for us to truly grasp or understand at this, this stage. And not to say that we're not ever going to know. You know, it's not to say that the information isn't ever going to be provided to us. But we are so uncomfortable in the unknowing. We get so uncomfortable that we, we need or we want to have answers.

Yes.

And I think that, you know, when we get to that place again, it goes to that arrogance of just like, I know this already, we stop being curious and we stop exploring and we stop asking questions. And so I think that that can definitely limit people. I think it can limit your growth. It can, you know, limit your, you know, your spir connection. Even if your religion or your religious connection, you could deepen it in a much further, more enriching way if we stop saying, I know the answers and start asking, well, what's beyond this truth?

And I'm like you, I'm not dogging any religion. And also, too, I think no matter what religion it is, I believe that through a different lens, they're all worshiping love. They're all worshiping the fact that we are connected at a quantum level, at an energetic level. So, so that's there. Yet we see man kind of get in the way of that. And the books that have been taken over and rewritten, I mean, who even knows if the Bible is actually the word of God now because it's been like 2,000 years plus. Right. So this, I believe, is something that is polarizing, it's controversial, but it needs to be talked about. It gets to be talked about because it's not about following the rule set or a commandment list or whatever it is. These are just guidelines for love. But yet shame is produced from this. And it's the shame spiral that really perpetuates a further lack of an inventory and less intelligence. So how do you think that connects to shame spiral and religion? We don't have to stay here forever because I know a lot of people are listening. They're like, whoa, you guys are going there? Yeah, we're going there. Because we know you think about this too.

You know, I think that, you know, shame is a form, is a way that we've been able to control. And if you just think about even children, for example, right? When we, we tell our children, you should have known better. I mean, how many of us heard that from our parents? The should monster, the shoulds, right? So shoulding is a form of shaming and maybe you're guilty of it. I know I've been guilty of it too, in my life. And it just. It's a part of our language. But we don't recognize the implications of that. I mean, words matter. What you say matters. And so when we have these things that say that our parents or religion or society that is just saying that if you're not in this box, if you do not fit this mold, if you do not believe, act this, do this, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Then what happens is it keeps us trapped. And so people feel that they don't have a right to explore. To explore themselves, to explore their desires. And when I say explore desires, I'm not talking about, like, going out and exploring what it's like to murder somebody, Right? Like, I mean, I'm talking about most of us, our desires are through creativity. We want to feel what it's like to paint or to sculpt or to just express ourselves through speech or poetry or whatever it is.

All the fun human things, right?

But that comes through love, right? But a lot of it is that we get ashamed of that. Especially, you know, society says that, you know, that that's. That's. You can't do this, or that's doesn't. It's not a good expression or. Or that has to fit in this mole. And if it doesn't fit this box, then you can't do it. And I think that's where people get. I think that's where we get stuck. We get very limited where we've been conditioned to. And conditioned to not be able to explore our authentic feelings to our authentic selves. And so we limit that in our light, in our bright light, that is the essence of are gets dimmed. And we have to keep it. That. That, that. That layer, that light, so that way other people aren't. That they don't kick us out of their tribe because we're so afraid of being isolated and abandoned and kicked out. And so we play these roles. We take on these identities, we take on these, you know, these belief systems that just says, like, okay, I will act this way so that way you love me. I will act this way so you don't abandon me. I will act this way so that you don't leave. But acting that way is so far out of alignment with your truest self. You're miserable. You pretend to be fine. And maybe on the surface, you look like you have it together. You, the. You're the PTA pro mom. You are the number one Volunteer in your church. But inside you feel numb. You feel something's missing. And it's because you're walking a life that is out of alignment with your truest self. Because society has conditioned you to walk that there. And you just need to really take inventory of that and take inventory of where you've been shamed into this person you've become and where you're going to start to lift off the straight jacket of shame, right? Because it is a straight jacket. In taking it off and then deciding who do you want to be and what's in alignment with your true self. And that's going to take some exploration. It's going to take some exploration because if you have not allowed your divine self to steer the ship, you're gonna notice, you're gonna get off course for a while. You're gonna like, you're gonna be steering your ship left, right, up, down. You're gonna be into yoga one minute, you're gonna be into hiking another, you're gonna feel like, you know what I'm gonna do with my life? I'm gonna be, you know, a musician. And then at the end of the day, you'll find your way, right? But it's through that exploration that you've been shamed not to do that is going to allow you to find your truest self.

And I think there's a couple things. That's why I love talking to you. Because every time you talk I'm like, I want to ask her three things, but I'll just ask you 1. People that don't explore, people that feel maybe like exploration isn't even possible because we've talked about on the show and I know you know this, the triangle from Maslow, right. The creator of this human design pyramid, where at the bottom there's safety and then there's food and then there's procreation, then there's contribution, then there's self exit realization, then there's exploring, as you and I are talking about. So we're in this body, we're in this meat suit. Like we're half beast and we're half spirit. You do work on both of those. How do you do work on both of those things? And what does that look like for people that possibly don't even know about the pyramid?

Yeah. So I mean, the first thing that we have to do is that we have to get to the root, right? And this is like where we have to get to understanding ourselves. We need to root out why, who we are, why we are, the way we are. And then how. How are we showing up? How are we behaving? Because if we're doing the exploration of the human self, because it starts in the human self, because the spiritual self, I can't tell you how many people that I know that are very spiritual people but have not done any of the human work. And then they will, like, delusion. Like they live in this delusion that they're okay, but they're really miserable. And they know that they're miserable and their life's a mess. So they're super spiritual, but they're really broke or they can't pay their bills and everything's just a mess. And it's like, wait a minute. That's out of baby balance. Because you're not balancing the human side, right? The societal side. And maybe you don't need to, you know, connect into society, you know, and that's not your belief. But there is an element of the human responsibility that does need to be balanced with the spiritual responsibility, and it starts there, because that's where the conditioned self lives. And the conditioned self, you guys hear me keep saying this is actually the subconscious, automatic self, okay? This is the. The programs that are running on your computer without you ever being aware. Like when you hit the on button. So when you wake up in the morning, boots up, right? It boots, right? And it's just like, I don't know what programs are running on my computer. I'm not a techie bear, but I know there's a lot of code that is. That is operating to get that. That computer to display the screen, to show me all of the things that I have housed in there, right? So all of my Microsoft Word, all the documents, the Excel, all of that. Well, when you think about when you wake up in the morning, right? You hit the boot button on your computer. And so all of that code is operating. And some of the code is great because you brushed your teeth, you took a shower, you have good hygiene. Awesome. Thank you. The society appreciates you, Right. We like when you smell good, but then there's. Then there's other elements. The programs that are running as well, and default. And these are the ones that are limiting you, okay? These are the ones that are lying to you. These are the ones that are hindering you. And so for us to be our most spiritual self, we have to do the exploration to see what software is running that doesn't work for us. And that's where we have to get to the root. You have to get to the root of that. And if we're not doing the deep dive exploration to understanding the human element of ourself, the condition element of ourselves, well, that conditioned self is going to, it's going to win over and over again and it's going to sabotage the spiritual side of ourselves.

I love that you talked about you're taking care of the human first, not just being the spiritual person, because I've seen this too, Bonnie. I've seen a lot of people, people who have a great talk, but when it comes to their actual living environment and their physical practices, and even in their physicality, just how your experience of them in person, you can tell that they're not really doing the work, right? It's not about shame or making them wrong or pointing them out. I just think that a lot of people don't start with the body and don't start with the actual human. They go right to the kind of like woo woo stuff which is more fun. They can burn palo santo wood, they can buy statues of Buddha and put it around the house, but they haven't actually done the work. Do you see this more often than, than not?

I see it a lot. I think it's just cultural. There's different, like there's different methods. I mean everybody is trying to find answers, right? So if we're being honest, like everybody is finding their own path. They're trying to find their way back to their authentic self, their divine self, their spiritual self, right? And so when I say spiritual stuff, that's your divine, that's the essence of who you are, right? It's the unhindered, completely abundant love machine that is your, your divine light, right? That's the truth, like behind all of the coats and the layers of things that we've gathered over the decades. That's the truth, right? And so we all looking for ways to connect to that. And at the end of the road, that's the spiritual connection. Right? At the end of the road. But a lot of people, you know, I feel like our society is just impatient, right? Is that we're impatient. We want quick results. We want, I mean if you just think about like we've been conditioned the last 20 years or even 30 years, right? Everything's on demand. It's instant, easily downloaded. We get so annoyed if our computer is taking any time, lagging, right? But you and I grew up in the dial up.

I know what it's like to use a rotary phone, right?

Exactly. I had a pager see through, same thing. Mine was red. But we understand that. But now we've gotten conditioned for quick, easy access. Right. We're looking for the pill. And because the spirituality is the end of the road, right? That's the final step, that's the place that we all desire to be, is that there's a lot of us that are trying to bypass and to do the quick fix to get to the end of the road. But what happens is that all of the steps you've missed will catch up with you. And you can lie to yourself and you can pretend that they don't matter. Right. Or that we can pretend that they're not important. And I know what's important. And you do, right? Maybe you do. But at the end of the day, you're still human. And there's a human experience that has to be connected to the spiritual self. And it's the combination, it's the yin and the yang. It's the flow of those two together that's gonna allow us to have the best life, to have the most conscious and fulfilling and best expression of the.

Divine self, starting with the human really doing the work, not bypassing that. I think it's the same way with diet and exercise, right?

Yes. Well, that's part of the human.

That's part of the human. And this is actually why, Bonnie, like the fitness industry is a multi billion dollar industry, because it really talks to that part of our brain that's like, oh, oh, because I'm so stressed out, because maybe finances aren't this high and because I have kids and because I do all these things that pull my energy, I'm gonna find the PDF online that actually shortcuts it for me, but it's actually not a shortcut. And this is the paradox. It's not a shortcut. It's actually a lure that's being thrown into your ocean by people that just wanna take advantage of you. And that's what triggers the crap out of me. It's like we see this a lot in emotional intelligence and in personal development. You know, the four ways, the seven ways for you to grow into an amazing human being by next Tuesday. No, I'm calling bullshit. That's absolutely not true. Something tactical then, for people, for them, starting here, where can they go to actually learn? Or maybe you could even take us on a skinny dive here of some steps to take them through the inventory, the actual understanding and then the integration, those three things.

So to touch on that really quick though, it is important. So you're right. All of the seven days, the 21 days, all of these programs that are out There. And I have them as well. They are hooks. They're trying to hook the attention. And the purpose of them, right, Is for you to go further, right? The purpose of them to go further. But a lot of times we do them, we have many success or they fail and then we just go try the next seven day and the next seven day and the next 7 day and the next 7 day versus finding one that it was like I liked what they said or their style or their flavor and taking them next step, okay? Because it really is the next step. Those are the hooks for it to get your attention. Because the online world is noisy. I mean, you and I both know this. It's so noisy.

You get to use language to meet people where they are. There's nothing wrong with that because you're arbiting truth, right? It's different.

But what I'm saying is on the user experiences, stop looking for the quick fix and start with finding the one. And then and explore deeper. Like go figure out where do their programs take you, you know, what, what services they offer, what coaching do they offer and find one that fits you. When I say fits you, I mean challenges you, okay? If it's the right vibe, you intuitively know it's the right step. But yet you're extremely uncomfortable for either the financial investment or the physical investment or the time investment or whatever it is. And you just know like, oh crap, this is going to be hard, right? That's a good thing. That's a good thing because once you get to the root, right? So when we talk about healing the physical side. So now I can answer your question. So healing the physical side side, we have to map that out first, right? And what I teach is very, is very complex. But to sum it up into the three steps, right? And not to oversimplify, but the three areas that are required to heal the human self is that we have to start with getting to that root and really understanding your game, how you play the game of life, what story you tell, and even more so, why you tell that story. Like what purpose does that story play in your life? Because everything that you think and feel has a purpose. Everything, even the negative things, the self deprecating things, serves a purpose. It feels painful. And nobody wants to admit that that's serving, that has a benefit in your life, but it does. And the benefit could be to keep you small, for you not to take risks, for you not to be vulnerable, for you not to be trusting, whatever it is, right? But there's a benefit and we have to understand that.

That.

So that's the root. And then after that, we get to the release. And this is the part you got really geeky out on when we were talking.

Yeah. Because it's like the release seems to me where all the dirt comes up.

Right. Because now it's about the releasing. We have to release the story. We have to release the old identity. We need to release the conditioned self. And this is where a lot of the work comes in. Because you're not just talking about, like, I choose to be better release. Right. Like, I wish it was that easy. Easy. We're talking about physically changing the programs in the mind. Like, you have to physically change the way that your brain is functioning. And that takes a lot of conscious effort. It takes a lot of conscious time. It takes a lot of repetition. It takes a lot of deep exploration and understanding and challenging and going back to that over and over again. And the reconditioning of these new neural pathways to allow the brain to have a new condition. So it's like rewriting all the code to a computer. I mean, think of how long it took them to write the code for a computer in the first place.

Think about how long it took them to learn how to write the code.

Right.

I mean, it's insane.

And then it continues. They just build on these platforms, so now it's a little bit easier. So we don't have to rewrite all the software. Right. You don't have to relearn how to brush your teeth unless you're not brushing them very well. Right, right. But I mean, when it comes to your diet, nutrition, finances, relationships, careers, self identity, like, those are the programs that might need some exploration, and then they need to be released. We need to release how we think and feel, how we're operating, and then we can get to the final step, which is then the resolve. And the resolve is the choice. So when we earlier were talking about the choice, that's actually the third step. And that's where now we can decide consciously who the conscious self is, who we decide to be moving forward. How do I want to view myself? How do I want to think about things? How do I want to look? So that way, this version of ourselves is the only self that we know, and we become to expect that.

I did not plan this, but this is actually on my phone right now. It says, who do I get to be great? And it's a reminder for myself. It's a screensaver that I have, and it goes exactly with what you're talking about. Once I've done the work, I've taken the inventory, I've dug into the dirt. Months, years, who knows how long that may take? Then I can go to the light switch, then I can flick it and say, who do I get to be today?

Yes.

Who do I choose to be today? Because that's what a five year old would ask. A five year old would play in the sandbox and a five year old would say, okay, cool, like what spaceship can I fly today? Who do I get to be today? But as adults, we become so disconnected from that. I really wanted to ask this big question for you here. It's like connecting to our child inside. Yeah, that's huge for me because I've recently had an experience at rythmia with plant medicine that we. It took me way back to when I was a kid and I got to put my arm around him as a kid and actually feel him and see him. And it's episode 185. If you guys are curious about this. What are your thoughts about the integration of psychedelics, plant medicines, in alignment with structured programs for emotional intelligence? How do you think those two play together?

I think that it is a powerful way to open the floodgates of doors that you've emotionally locked. So if you are one of those people who have really locked yourself up, you know, and you just haven't been able to see those barriers that you just know that they're there, right? They're so big and they're so blinding that we don't know how to get past them or there's just elements of ourselves that it's just like where we know that, that we have the ability to go deeper, but we haven't been able to. Nothing we've done has been able to push through that. It's a good avenue, it's a good option for that. I mean, you and I got to talk about this. My sister, I personally haven't ever done it right. And I actually don't have a desire to do it, and that's okay. But my sister, she puts on all these ayahuasca retreats. She studied with the pre. With the Peruvians to learn how to. And they actually grow. They're one of the only people in the US that actually grow ayahuasca in the Hawaiian Islands. And they have a license to do it. So they have. And they were taught by the people from Peru and. And so they studied that. They understand that they hold these sacred spaces for it. And I honor that. And I really, truly believe that it serves A purpose for a person who feels called to that. I really do. And I know the impact that it has had through the work she's done and the people, the lives that she's touched, and that they literally come out of those experiences completely transformed. Now, I did a lot of psychedelics when I was younger, but it was for a different reason.

It wasn't through a lens of personal growth.

It was not. No, it was not.

Which I don't actually believe in that. That since I've been through this personal growth, implant medicine combination, I can actually see how these have been demonized. And why they've been demonized is because they have hurt people. It's because there's the wrong intention, there's the wrong curiosity. It's the same curiosity that you and I have talked about in regards to emotional intelligence, or the same curiosity that we bring to a plant medicine experience. What do you actually want from this? What is your desire? What do you actually want from this? What is driving you to go do that? Is it that you just want to disconnect from your life? That's real. I've seen people use psychedelics and drugs to disconnect from their life.

That was beef.

Absolutely. But yet we do see this powerful, powerful news media now with Michael Pollan. You and I were talking about, you know, being on the Stephen Colbert show with his new book about psychedelics. We're seeing this consciousness evidence of it rising everywhere. What are you excited about? Like, what do you see? What does Bonnie Kelly see for evidence of consciousness truly rising?

Yeah. And I think that consciousness is. Is becoming. I mean, I was saying this in the car. Is that 10 years ago? Or maybe it's a little longer than that. The group of people I used to hang out with made fun of me because I used to go to yoga, and I was the only weird one that did this. Right. And they were just like, that's not working out. That's a weird thing. And you're really chanting, like, oh, that's weird. Not only do all of them do yoga now is that all of them do yoga and one of them owns a yoga studio. So you have, like. I mean, you see this huge consciousness shift, you know, where we used to make fun of people for being hippie, right. Or being spiritual or being whatever. And we find ourselves really exploring these things now. We find all. I mean, all of us are. We're looking at these avenues towards spirituality with open eyes versus with a fixed or closed mind. We're just. We're asking ourselves, like, I wonder what that looks like, or I wonder where that goes versus demonizing. I like that you use that word and like, we're just making things wrong. They still think there's a lot of that. I still think that there's a lot of growth that needs to happen. I think there's a lot of consciousness change that needs to happen. Happen, you know, But I'm, I'm excited to see more and more people just willing to, to do something different. Right. Willing to say, like, I'm not. I'm not going to repeat my family mistakes. I'm not going to be, you know, so closed off and disconnected. I'm not going to be stonewalling my wife anymore. Right. I see men really wanting to, you know, to be emotionally connected to their families and their wives. I see women who are not only just empowered, but they're very nurturing and they're balancing masculine and feminine energy that got very out of balance, right where we were just supposed to be women. And then we got into the corporate world and they were very masculine. We had to prove ourselves. And, and now we're just like, coming to the space where we're, we're blending these, these, these dual parts of ourselves where we can run businesses and be a badass mom.

What do you think is blending the, the, the. The duality? What's actually blending that?

It's, it's, it's. I think, honestly, that in, in nature, everything seeks to balance itself, right? So if you put 50 clocks in a room that were all set to different times, eventually they're all going to be in sync with each other. Right. I mean, it's just everything desires to be in sync, Josh. Everything.

Yeah.

And so I think that as humans is that we're trying to find ways to balance that. But what happened is that society, like, we were, we were. It's like a pendulum, right? Every. We were holding the energy up into the. Like, to the right, and we're holding it well, guess what happens as soon as you let go of it. I mean, physics says that it's gotta. It's gonna hit with the exact same force to the opposite.

You put your finger right on it. This is why I see MeToo as a beautiful thing. And also it has an edge that hurts people. It's like, you guys, MeToo. The reason why Tony Robbins was so.

Polarized is because I was there at that event.

Were you really?

I was.

Oh, my God. So the reason he was so polarized. I had no idea you were there. That's so intense. He was Speaking the truth. In my opinion, he just did it in. He could have done it differently, he could have approached it differently, but yet he was still calling out the truth. And this is why it triggered so many people.

People.

The pendulum you just talked about is such a beautiful metaphor because for millennia, women were owned, like property. They couldn't do things. They didn't have the same rights as men. So of course, now that the pendulum has swung so far to the right, of course men are experiencing frustration.

Frustration. And it's anger, it's outcast, and it's. It's. It's resentment. I mean, it's just like no voice to loud voice is what it is. But again, when we're talking about everything wants to balance itself back out, it's going to find its way back into the. The middle. So I was there when Tony was on that rant. And now being somebody who experienced tremendous sexual abuse. Okay, I was sexually abused from the 8 year. From 8 years old all the way till I was 21. Okay. Was the last time I actually fought him off, actually. So there was a lot of sexual abuse from a family member that I had endured in my life. So I understand this need to be able to speak up. And my case was never settled. Right. He got away with it. My family sided with him versus me, even though he had admitted it. There's just all of this, you know, this suppression that came with mine. So I understand. And I went through, in my healing phase, Josh. I went through the pendulum where I was on the one side where I can't speak. This truth. It's hidden, it's dark, and I'm ashamed of this. To letting it go and going to the fu side. Right. And then being outraged and angry and just wanting to get even and to punish people for it. Right. I mean, it really was this extreme swing. And, you know, now I'm on, you know, years and years of healing from this. Right. So, I mean, I've got over a decade under my belt of being able to heal from this. And so now mine is really balanced where I understand, right? This is that the me Too movement is finally giving a voice. But it's also some people are taking advantage of that in a way to punish and abuse people. And just like, if I would have. If this would have been the first time for me, right? If this would have been 10 years ago, Josh, and it's the first time I've spoke up about it, I would have probably been on the me too Fu you bandwagon. Right?

It's Totally real.

It is, you know, so I know that that's part of this healing process. We have to allow people to get to that place first. And then what I keep advocating for. So I actually got to speak at a national conference where I was competing, and I took third place in it. And part of my talk was about me, too, and how I ended it was, now what? Because it's me too. But now what? Right. We need to really get away from just thinking about, yes, I'm going to speak my truth to. Because, you know, this movement has the potential to really create radical change in our society, but it doesn't have any direction. So it is just a voice for venting right now. And we need to be thinking about, you know, what kind of, like, legislation can we put in, what kind of, you know, changes can be made, what kind of, you know, like, what, what different. Like, how can we make this different? But because that element's not there yet. I think that's why it's getting villainized, because it's just the expression of hurt and anger without solution. So if this is speaking to you and you're a part of that, what I really ask is to be thinking about, okay, me too. But now what? What do we want to do about it? And how do we want to heal from this? How do we want to evolve from this? How do we want to be better from this? So we can make change. So the movement is about change versus the movement. Just about being angry.

Yeah. And we're gonna link that in the show notes because I haven't seen that yet.

Yeah, I haven't either.

I'm really passionate about this because I am currently single. Right. And so I have this conversation with women who are single, and I've just noticed that there is a thread of not victimization and not in the way that Tony Robbins expressed it, but there is a lot of narrative using really strong words like rapeculture, hashtag, whatever it is. It's like there's a lot of gnarly hashtags out there when you look at MeToo. And so I feel like the words we use are so powerful here. And when it's MeToo, what if we flip that? What if we flipped it to our responsibility as men and women and we just used weto?

Yeah. Oh, wow.

What if we did that? And what if that was a conversation that we could have all over the place? Because that's the collective healing that this world needs. And whether it's through emotional intelligence or plants, which, by the way, I think they are so feminine in their way that they're educating us. I think there's so much power there. And I think that this collective consciousness that we're all experiencing right now, whether we're here in California or in West Virginia, like, things are just going to take time. Yeah, things are going to take time. And we get to be patient through this process, and we get to be steadfast and hold exactly where we are.

Yeah, well, hold the torch for, you know, for change and for it to be able to evolve. And, you know, I do hope. You know, I do hope that the movement gets direction because, again, I. I believe that there is a need for change. I really do, because I know the experience and the impact that that sexual trauma had on my psyche, had on my worth and my ability. And now I could see it as the greatest gift I've ever went through. Right. Because I recognize that for me to change, to ultimately change, I'm a very loyal person, extremely loyal person. I don't know if that's a Scorpio trait. I'm just a very loyal person. However, you know, what I. What I have come to learn is that for me to have changed at that moment that God had to rip me of, right? All hope that I'd be stripped of all hope for me to change. And so it took these elements and this experience and these abandonment issues, you know, these things to get me here. Now. I'd never wish it upon anybody, but now I have a different perspective of it where I could recognize, like, oh, gosh, man, I'm in such a better place now because I had to go through hell to get here, right? I had to go through that. There's a song that I always talk about. It's a. It's a country song, but it's, if you're going through hell, keep on going, because you might get out before the devil ever knows you're there. Right? And I really. That really helped me, like, in that process, because I felt like I was going through darkness. I thought I was going through hell. And it's just like, keep on going, keep on going. And so you don't get trapped there, right? Because the devil knowing you're there, in my perspective, would be you being trapped there, right? And you're trapped in your suffering. And so the reason why I share that is because now, again, I've been able to balance this, but I'm also balancing it very well aware that we need to change, that our society needs change, because we do need to have a Voice like my 14 year old self when it finally came out, needed to have a champion, right? Needed to have a champion to help me guide this dysfunctional hurt in this emotional pain of what I was going to, going through. Because left to, you know, just the way things are right now, the police are going to go with whatever the parents decide to do, you know, and whatever I decide. Well, the parents asked me at 14 years old, they asked me, they said, you don't want to break up the family, do you? Shame. Let's just point that out right there. That's shame. Okay? You don't want, because you'll send him to jail. Like you don't want to do that to his family. Do you think of your cousins, right? And I loved my cousins. I'm like, no, I don't want to be responsible for that now. Think of all the shame that they just put on this 14 year old girl and they're just like. But if you sign this piece of paper saying that I made it all up for attention, that it doesn't have to come to that. So I was pressured in this moment that that's the right decision, that that is what needed to be done so that nobody got in trouble and nobody lost their family because they're poking on a cord that knew that would hurt me because I lost a, my father. I don't want to, I would never wish that upon anyone. So my point is, is that there was no one there to champion my voice, to help guide me, right? It was, it was just all of these pressures, you know, to tell the truth to the police. And I did. So they have the story, they have the statement, the counselor has the story, they have the statement and then the parents have it. But then the parents have this, the ability to cover it all up, right? Because they don't want the shame brought on the family. And what person would, I mean this person was a very affluent, affluent respected member of our society. I mean he was, you know, a philanthropist. Is that the word I'm looking at? Philanthropist.

Philanthropist, yeah.

Gave a lot of money to charities. He was, you know, a good willed Christian man, you know. And so you have this, this person who's an icon in the communities nobody wants to believe and you don't want to bring the shame. And so my point is, is like there, there's room for change here. There's room for us to find ways to, to protect, protect our children and people from having these experiences. And I don't know what that looks like. But my point is that I hope that we can get that pendulum to just balance out a little bit more and really focus on the now. What? Now what's the next step?

Well, I think that's what you and I have done so much in this podcast. It's like, not only have we talked about swinging the pendulum back to more symbiosis when it comes to MeToo, but also it's in the way that we have a relationship with ourselves. This crazy pendulum that swings left to right. There's no symbiosis because there's no education, there's no knowledge, there's no inventory about how to settle this thing down. So, Bonnie, like, I just want to thank you for who you are as a human being.

Aw, shucks.

You are such an incredible human being, and I've learned so much from you. And I know that on this third show, people are gonna go back and listen to the other two because we went in totally different directions on those shows.

Very different. Yeah, very different.

Different directions. Today was actually really interesting to me where we went. I didn't know we were going to go to meet, too, but of course we did, because how does that play into emotional intelligence and who we are as a human, as a mother, father, brother, whoever we are, and also as a member of this collective, because we are all connected here. And with that in mind, how would you say that you see this connection of wellness for all of us? How do you define Wellness now in 2018 for you, for our. Our collective?

Okay, so wellness is synergy in my world, right? And so when you think about synergy, there's a lot of components that have to come to. To this symbiotic, as you said, you know, the synergy that works together. And that means about your. Your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual, right? When you think of that, these are the four pillars that make up the foundation of your life, and that all of them are going to need to be healed and evolved to create the synergies, to allow you to be the greatest expression of yourself. And when we can begin to think about, like, which one of these foundations is my biggest hindrance right now? Which one is holding me back? Which one is the weakest, which one's crumbling? Right. Is it the physical body? That's your health and wellness, Right. Is it your emotional or mental body? Right. Are you in your head a lot? You're very thinking oriented, goal oriented, process oriented, but you're disconnected from the feeling? Or are you very feeling? You're over emotional overreactive? Right. And that needs balancing. Or is it the spiritual side where you're just numbed out, tuned out. Like, you just, like, you don't have time for that. You don't, you know, know what it. Like when we're talking about high vibes and all this stuff, you're just like, way over my head, right? And you look at these corners and you just start to decide which one needs my maintenance now. And we evolve it a little bit and then we move to another corner, we evolve it a little bit, we move to another corner, and then all of a sudden is that you're going to start to see, see that? The. The corner. Once the foundation is there, now you can thrive, now you can get out of survival. Because when those are broken, you have to. You have to fix it to survive, right? You are just in that constant reactive state of trying to fix this, fix that, fix this, fix that, and it breaks. It's going to be exhausting because you're always working on the foundation. I mean, we want to heal that foundation for us. I mean, so wellness for me in 2018 and for time, the first rest for I don't know for how long is really just about. Is evolving beyond survival and getting into this place of just thriving. And we do that just by balancing out the four pillars of our lives.

And people can learn more about you. We're gonna link everything in the show notes. And I just also wanna point out something that just occurred to me. Emotional revolution. The word love is in there.

Yes.

The word love is also an evolution. And those two things plug in. And so when you talk about wellness for the collective, this revolution, love, evolution, love, how does that play into one another?

I love that you point this out because when we write revolution, love is backwards in another color, right? Because it is like, at the end of the day, what is the result that we desire to feel loved, be loved, and to be connected. And so when we think about this revolution is that we want to be able to resolve and to evolve into this place where we are deeply connected. Connected in love with ourselves, in love with our lives, in love with our society, in love with our planet, in love with, you know, every element, that we're just like emanating love in every expression, even during the hard times. I mean, Josh, like, the greatest. The greatest point where you get to this, that you know that you really. The work has worked. Okay, that's what I'm trying to say. The point when you know the work has worked is that when you can be standing in the face of some form of hardship that used to just cripple you emotionally, mentally or physically and just have so much love and grace for that moment is where you know that all the work has paid off. I cannot even put into words the feeling of being able to love somebody who has hurt you or abused you. To be able to love, you know, people who are just being destructive and to see beyond their destruction, to see their love light that is inside of them. I mean, talk about being able to give hope. I mean, imagine if every parent only saw the essence of the child and we just valued and appreciated that essence in every being. Imagine what the world would be like in a hundred years if that's, that's how we saw each other, is beyond the limitations and into the divine self. I mean, and it would just be a world filled with a tremendous amount of love and support.

It gives me chills just to think about it. And speaking of love, people are going to love learning about you. Tell them where they can go.

Ah, Bonnie Kelly, me. Because it's me.

Where are you the most active though, on social media? Where do you find yourself playing and maybe writing poetry the most?

Oh, I love that. So you can find me. And across either between Instagram or Facebook. I mean, I think we're more active on Facebook. We have Wednesdays, we have the revolution every Wednesday morning at 8:30. So we do the emotional revolution at 8:30 Pacific Standard Time. And it's me, you know, deeply connecting about something. We just did this one on motivation that it was, it was, it was just so interesting where it went, you know, and the conversation went and it was just so deep and connected. And at one point I was just like ranting with love and it was just like boom, boom, boom, boom. And it was just, it was really good. It was really fun. So that's a fun place for you to get connected to just get a weekly boost as well.

I'm excited as your friend and also colleague to see what shifts you go through leading your community as you bring this new baby girl into the world. Yeah, I'm really excited for you and I have a lot of appreciation for you and I just have a lot of love for you and thank you so much for being here.

Same here, my friend. Well, thanks for having me again.

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