244 Crista Beck: Love Radar

Radar in, like, war times and sending out the signals from the submarines is a system for detecting the presence or the direction of other ships or submarines or aircrafts. And it sends out these pulses. Then they're reflected back to the original radar so you can get a sense of who's in your vicinity. So when I'm working, I teach a woman how to emit their electromagnetic waves to attract the kind of man that they really want. And then when I coach men, I actually teach them how to one, receive and be open. And I train them how to look for the radar in women and to honor the women that are already in their lives being a radar for them. And I teach men how to come closer to a woman in a way that makes a woman feel safe and feel adored so that he's slowly approaching her in a way that she can fully receive him.

That's Krista Beck, and this is episode 244 of Wellness Force Radio, where we discover the physical and emotional intelligence to live life well. In this podcast, we're talking about love. Not just love to others, but love starting within ourselves. Why this podcast is so contextual, so important is because here comes the holidays, before you blink, before you breathe, the Turkey day, the Christmas day, the New Year's Day, all this stuff where there's so much focus on relationships, marriages, boyfriends, girlfriends, significant others, going to your family's house to hang out with people that you haven't seen in 364 days. Some people love this time of year. Some people could have it or leave it. Regardless of this, this honoring of our relationships to ourselves and also to the relationships that have happened for us through us in the past, how do we forgive ourselves for the things that haven't worked out in our past? If you've been through a relationship or currently are in one where you're feeling your heartstrings almost like they're gonna burst, this episode is for you. We go into the science and also the way of being, the personal and interrelational skills required to have men and women, human beings, shoulder to shoulder, eye to eye, heart to heart, actually connect in this digitally focused world. What does that look like from a ground floor, nuts and bolts approach to let go and. And forgive yourself, to help rewrite a new love story. This podcast is so important to me because I'm still single and I'm in this space of exploring how do I personally get to show up in my life to attract the person that I know I am worth this topic. We go deep into today with dating expert Krista Beck, also known as the Love Radar, she shares how exploring our inherited behavior patterns can actually help us evolve from our lineage. What we learn from our parents and in the ways of relating to one another and for the way that we relate to and love ourselves. We'll learn how we can choose our dating vibrational frequency in this modern world of MeToo, which I like to flip the M the other way and make it a wetoo. We talk about this on the podcast, which is a little bit polarizing, but it's very, very timely. We also come to a place of neutral, peaceful space and how we can honor the people who have come into our lives to allow us to understand our unique love Radar. What this metaphor is, how it can help every relationship that we're in thrive. And speaking of thr thriving, if you're interested in thriving more as 2018 comes to a close, as 2019 begins, join the Wellness Warrior VIP club. Just go to your show notes right now. Tap the photograph, tap the link that says vip. You'll get free access, exclusive discounts on new wellness tools, new guides, including the free M21 21 minutes seven science back practices, guaranteed to give you an increased positive flow throughout your entire day. Just go to wellnessforce.com VIP I'll welcome you into the Wellnessware VIP Club. Access the show notes today at wellnessforce.com244 and you can learn more about Krista at kristaback.com that's with a C. Okay, here we go. Just know today when you listen to my shares, Krista shares and her wealth of information on this podcast. The love that's inside of me is the same exact love that's way deep down inside of you. So my story is yours and yours is mine. This human truth, these universal truths that we all share in common in this physical meat suit on a rock in the middle of outer space. We're doing our best. So are you. So am I. Let's dig in with Krista Beck and learn about Love Radar. So, Christa, I currently find myself single, which is where I think a lot of people find themselves from time to time in life. But this era of dating, it is so different now with the advent of social media and dating apps and swiping and yada yada, yada. So now we find ourselves, both men and women, at this intersection of wanting to be in integrity and wanting to come from our deepest heart. Yet we also have technology which allows people to hide what is going on in our dating world. What's happening?

Wow that was a lot there. Yeah. What is going on? I think what's going on is, yeah, there's all these options in which to meet people. And people are just trying this, trying that, getting overwhelmed, getting burnt out, getting. Trying anything they can. And what I find is that people think it's just supposed to be this easy thing. And because they have this perception that it should just happen, that they get frustrated, they make it mean something, that they're doing something wrong or there's something wrong with themselves. And then they start to feel defeated or resigned, and then they still date, but they're really in a resigned place. But where I come from and what I like to help my clients do is just to really get clear of all those stories and all those things that you've made up about what dating should be and what finding love should be and actually come from a neutral space, a place of centeredness, a place of true intention. And then strategically and lovingly taking actions in alignment with what you truly want to create in your life in terms of a long term, committed relationship. And then, like, that's so much more fulfilling. You have so much more of like a. Like a rich experience in your dating life instead of just leaving it all to chance and chemistry.

That's a great point too, because I think about my journey of having three or four kind of serious relationships. And I think it can be so easy, Christa, for us to store these old files in our brain that say things that simply aren't true. Like, I'm not worthy of love, it's not gonna work out this time. Cause it didn't work out last time. And I'm excited to dig into this with you. You know, really the mindset when it comes to dating, because dating is half head, half heart. So why do people even get a dating and love coach in the first place? I mean, besides the obvious.

I think when people come to me, they just want that long term, committed relationship. They want that security. They want to feel grounded in having that partnership, that love. And they either one, they don't know what they're doing. Like, they actually really confess that. Like, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to do this. Or they've been doing it and spinning their wheels and getting burned out, and they feel like they're doing something wrong, but they're not sure what it is, or they just know that it just has come to them intuitively. Like, okay, I have a coach in, you know, I have a fitness coach. I work out with them. I have a coach in my business, and they're just really, like, serious about having, like, attracting an amazing partner. And they know that whatever they've done in the past hasn't worked, so they know to seek out a dating coach. So those are maybe the three main areas, reasons why people come to me.

Yeah. And you work a lot with women, and I would say that I just have to ask this question. Do you find that by the time people get to you that you really remind them to take a deep breath?

Well, yeah. Like physically a deep breath, like emotionally a deep breath.

Maybe both.

Physically a deep breath. Sometimes I even tell people, like, you need to just. I've even coached clients. We need to take a break from dating, even while I'm coaching them, because they've gotten so caught up in what they were doing and how they were dating, kind of from this compulsive neediness that I'm like, we need to do a reset. We actually need to stop and pause and get grounded and really get to the heart of the matter of, like, taking action from that loving, kind place, from within yourself.

Yeah. And you made me pause right now, too. And everybody listening. We already had a breath break in the very, very, very beginning of the show. And it brings me back to Christa. You know, early in January, we had Amy Baglin, the CEO of Meet Mindful, on the podcast. One of the concepts that we were talking about then was actually up leveling your life by the old habits to die. And it's not like you have to beat yourself up for these old habits. It's more like, how do we become friends with these habits so we can let them go? Because as we know, and I'm sure you can relate, in dating and in coaching people, what we resist persists. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah. And it's almost like what we unconsciously resist. And I love that what she said is old habits. What did she say? Old habits.

Allowing old habits to have a better relationship and then allowing them to die, then allowing them to be let go of, but not necessarily being frustrated and judging those habits, approaching those habits with anger and judgment, more like becoming their friend first.

Yes. And part of my. I love this because part of my work is to evolve your lineage. Like, we've been handed what we've been handed from our mom, from our dad, depending on who we were raised with and raised around. We've been heavily imprinted as the child on how to be in relationship, how to be in communication, how to be physically, affectionately, and so Part of what I do in the beginning stages of working with my clients is we really look at what did they inherit from their mom, what did they inherit from their dad, good and bad, and just really, like, lay it all out there and authentically look like, what actually did I inherit from my mom or from my dad? And how has that been playing as a part of my love story? And then from there, then it's like an epiphany for them. It actually just doing that work kind of does a reset for them, and they get empowered and they take ownership and, like, you're saying, like, really love and honor, that they do have these shortcomings. Because here's the deal. How could your parents teach you anything that they don't know? So if you have a shortcoming, like, let's say in terms of, like, affection, like, your parents just weren't affectionate, but, like, you crave that. That was, like, a need that you really wanted, but you may have, like, carried that on in your relationships because you're uncomfortable you weren't imprinted, but you know that that's like, a really important thing for you to develop. Like, then after doing that work, you can be like, okay, I'm maybe gonna feel uncomfortable with affection, but, like, this is an area I really want to go, like, let go of and embrace and evolve my lineage. Because the work that we do for ourselves, that when we release ourselves and love these maybe negative and quote parts of ourselves, then we get to not only liberate ourselves and create new, but we get to liberate, like, our parents, we get to liberate our grandparents. We get to liberate the whole everyone involved in where we've come to today. It's actually a beautiful process, and people take ownership of where they're going to be moving forward and the communications that they actually need to be having with their future partner. Because I think it's really good to be able to speak to your future partner about, hey, I have a weakness, actually, in this area. I have a hard time asking for what I need. That was actually shunned in my family. And I'm doing a lot of work right now. I may not be so good at it. I may stumble. I may get anxious, but just tell the people, this is something that's. That's. I'm working on it. I really want. And you. And you want your partner to be a partner with you, in you expanding and evolving your lineage.

Oh, my gosh, Krista. I just. I had to take a deep breath evolving my lineage wow. Like that right there. That's. That's a huge stepping off point for the rest of our time together today. I mean, seven minutes in, I'm already just, like, having to take a deep breath myself, I think about evolving our lineage. Like, how did you come up with this metaphor? It's fascinating to me. Evolving our lineage.

Oh, gosh, how did I. I don't know if I even came up with it because I just take in so much information from so many different places or experts. I may have first heard this concept years ago. Maybe. What's her name? Katherine Woodward Thomas, maybe. Maybe reading one of her books or doing something like that. And then I just kind of ran with it because I just felt like it really encapsulated the work that I was doing with people. And so, plus, I've also, gosh, worked with very deep mentors in terms of, like, your bioenergetics and your energy and your emotions. And a lot of that work is really going within being with the feelings that are there and honoring them and evolving beyond them. So I think it was just a. I don't know. That's actually a really good question.

Well, it became the ultimate truth to me because I knew we were going to talk about love radar, which we're going to get to in a second. I absolutely love that metaphor as well. And I feel like this is really the mark of an intelligent person when you can take a dynamic, multiplexed subject like dating, love, and relationships, and you can break it down into small things. I mean, that is really what Socrates and Plato and all the greats have done. They take these massive concepts and they break it down into small bites that we can all understand. So with that said, love radar, this is the title of our show. Like, what exactly is love radar? And how did you come up with this?

Okay, so I am a love radar, and I teach people how to be love radars. And I think for me, it was just. Okay. Gosh, there's so many facets to this one. So I had a mentor years ago, Gigi Sage, and she really talked to me a lot about how women, when they're centered and powerful in their own selves, can deeply contribute to their man and to the people in their life from their radar, from that place of wisdom and intuition, and that the men that actually are receptive to a woman's radar receive so much benefit and insight that they maybe don't have from the woman's perspective, and it really enriches their lives. So part of her work of mentoring, underneath, getting Mentorship from her was just really seeing the power that I had as a woman and trusting that those intuitive moments to enrich not only my clients, but people in my life. But also she taught me the importance of helping men to understand the value that a woman has of being a radar. And so from there, just knowing myself as that and then just starting to see how my work was evolving with my clients, that I'm kind of nerdy a little bit sometimes. Science and, you know, looking at microscopes.

Me too. Me too.

Like, science. I was, like, total. I was pre med when I first went to college. Totally math and science nerd. So, like, when I looked at the definition of radar, it's. And in, like, war times and sending out the signals from the submarines, it's a system for detecting the presence or the direction of other ships or submarines or aircrafts, and it sends out these pulses of these waves. Then they're reflected back to the original radar so you can get a sense of who's in your vicinity. When I'm working with my men and with my women, I actually teach them, especially from a woman's perspective, because I teach a woman how to emit their electromagnetic waves to attract the kind of man that they really want. And then from there, helping her to know when a man is actually coming closer in or when he's going further away, because I feel like that's, like, the hardest part from a woman's perspective, to. She thinks he's into her, but he's really not. And then from when I coach men, heterosexual men, I actually teach them how to one, receive and be open until I train them how to look for the radar in women and to honor the women that are already in their lives being a radar for them. And I teach men how to come closer to a woman in a way that makes a woman feel safe and feel adored so that he's slowly approaching her in a way that she can fully receive him.

Oh, this is really big. Because I think my radar needs recalibration. My radar, when I pick up on the signals of the feminine around in coffee shops and in public, you know, sometimes it's pretty od obvious. It's like I go up, I say hi, and maybe I can just receive that vibration, that frequency. And this concept, Krista, of vibration and frequency, it's not new to the Wellness Force community. I mean, we know we had Robin Openshaw on the show talking about her book Vibe. We also understand the work of frequencies with power versus force and Hawkins, this high frequency to send out Powerful signals. Talk to us about just the frequency aspect in dating and love.

Sure. Oh my gosh. Okay. So there's so many levels to that. Well, first, when I start working with my clients, we really, we do that work to get clear of their past relationships, sludge, you know, their baggage, anything that they're holding on in their space because it gets heavy. If your heart is closed and heavy and resigned, your energy is, is stuck. And people can pick up on that. You know, you just look across the room, you can tell people are very and can see things in you. So what I do is part of that process that I created, the jump start your heart process, which I'm actually rebranding to call Rewrite youe Love Story. And it's really about letting go and honoring what was honoring those past exes, honoring and forgiving yourself. And my process actually opens up a self space of ownership of the way the things went and responsibility and then fully energetically, like letting go. So then you're in this place. My clients, when they get to that place, when they go through the process, they're in a neutral place. There's no eh. Like they're not showing up on dates, like guard it or trying to one up them or anything like that. They're like, they're neutral. And then when you're neutral, then you can start to create like, how do I want to show up in the world? See, for me, it's not just about finding someone to love you and you love them. It's about creating this amazing life. Because when I work with my clients, I actually talk to them about, so what else is going on in your life that we need to shift so that you're in alignment with your happiness. So you're lit up every day. Like, what do we need to start adding or taking away to have you really feel happy? Because to me, that's the most attractive thing. You're showing up in a room authentically happy and smiling. Then you're also communicating non verbally receptivity to connection. And so then. So does that answer your question?

Absolutely. No. I mean you definitely, you went into depth there. Because I think about, you know, non verbal communication, the frequency, that's just another term for it. We have these people that are more analytical that might be listening where they want to know facts and figures and numbers and vibrational frequencies and measurements. And then we have people who are more spiritual, people that just kind of understand, like, hey, your vibe attracts your tribe. And the same thing goes for when we're dating. So I Think about rewriting our love story. I mean, Krista, this skill set of being able to be in a different frequency, let go of the things that don't serve us. It is under attack right now. I'd love to pivot here because this completely relates to what you and I are exploring, and that is how do we choose our frequency in a world where we have a movement, the MeToo movement, that we've talked about a lot on the show, and we've reframed this because we know that MeToo does deserve respect, but we also want to turn that M into a W, where it's we two, where the men and women are joining together to find the solution. How do we do this? This dating process? In a world of me too.

Oh, gosh. I think, well, let's just acknowledge that MeToo, it's like a chance. It almost is moving and beautiful. Like, me too, is a chance for women to really express the pain that they've been repressing from years of being mistreated by men. And so it's just. It's a beautiful thing to me that women are like, yeah, I was treated this way, and let's. We're to stand to not be treated this way anymore, you know, And I think it's just a really important part of the process to be able to. To be able to express your pain or your anger. I think that's a part of the healing process. And then, like, then how do men navigate around that, you know, navigate around, you know, women that are in that state of still healing and processing and letting go, but still wanting love and all that.

Yeah.

My main thing, what I teach men is the main thing that you want to do for a woman is to have her feel safe. And so you started off the call with talking about all these things that all these single people are dealing with. And one of those things is online dating. So how do you, as a man, and if you're on apps like Tinder or Bumble or Match, what can you do to actually move a woman from being online to a glass of wine? You. It's always start with, how can I make her feel safe? Yes, of course. You want to make her smile and, you know, feel like you're fun. But, like, what do you do to have her feel safe? What do you do to have her feel safe? Once you're on the date, before the date, after the date, it's really. I think this is a lovely, lovely time for men. And so many men are stepping up to this to really just Own their part in women experiencing the pain of what they've. You know, how they've been treated by. By men in their lives and just taking it on. Like, what we've been, like, just, like, evolving our lineage, like, individually, like, how can we evolve our lineage culturally in terms of how men are showing up for women and women showing up for men?

That is a really powerful question right there. Let's let that sink in for a moment. Like, how do we collectively evolve the lineage? That is a ethos of why wellness force even exists. You know, Krista, this intersection of physical and emotional and how that relates to our wellness, I can't think of something probably more pivotal and more challenging for both men and women other than dating, love and intimacy. You know, intimacy. I think it was a Native American culture, and I believe the translation was into me, you see? And that's the real definition of intimacy. And I'm not, by any way. I had someone write a very vicious letter to me about a past show where we talked about this reframing of the. Me, too. I want to let everyone know I am a huge fan and a. And a prime supporter of Me too. Because, Christa, I felt even with you talking about at the beginning, you got a little bit emotional. This is a real movement that deserves respect and attention. But yet I also believe that the solution deserves attention as well. Why did you start to cry there? What was that?

Well, I'm sensitive. I'm very empathic. And when you asked me that question, I just got really in tune with all the millions of women who have participated in that and just really felt the pain of. Of it all. And even, like, for my own self, like, the experiences that I've had and what I had to navigate through as a woman to navigate around men, you know, sexually assaulting me, you know, in public, in bars. You know, I even had a man once in a bar. And I'm very fun. Like, I love when I'm celebrating life everywhere I go, but, like, I had a man once, like, take his beer bottle and push it into my butt. Not that he. I mean, this is really tmi, but, like, I had jeans on, but it was just so, like, felt so horrible, and I got mad, you know, Like, I just went into, like, mama bear, who are you? But it's just like. And that's just like, one of the experiences that I've just had as just a woman going out and celebrating life. And the stories that I've heard from women, like, don't like my stories. Don't even Compare to some of my friends and family and the things that they have gone through from just unconscious men thinking they could talk to or touch or force themselves on women. And I think it's just like. It's just coming to a head. Like, we're like, wow, this has really been happening, and we need to, like, women need to take ownership of their healing process. And I think this is a beautiful time for women to teach men, for men to be receptive to women, for. And I think a lot of men are confronted because maybe they've been behaving that way, and maybe they don't want to see. See it. I mean, it's just. It's kind of messy right now, but I think it's beautiful. I think it's just a beautiful time. And it's a lot of conflict, but I think it's. It's. We're in this messy phase. And how do we come up through this as consciously and loving? Because it always comes back to me, like, how can I be a loving human being? How can I be the presence of love? And imagine if all human beings started to take that on.

Yes. And I know this is so personal to you, and thank you for sharing that too. Like, by the way, if I was in the bar, I would have totally taken the beer bottle and thrown it at him.

Okay, so I think about rescue for sure.

Did they good? Yes. And I think, look, most people, I feel, have great hearts. Most people in the world are good people. It's just that we have this duality in our planet, which is good, evil, light, dark, yin yang. And we also have a duality between masculine and feminine. I'd love for us to shift gears here, because you've already given us some wisdom about love radar. How does this polarity aspect of masculine and feminine play into your concept of love radar?

Yeah, I know. Okay, so. Okay, so. Oh, gosh. So to me, masculine energy is all about leading, driving, making things happen. You know, feminine energy, to me, is about receiving, going with the flow, being present, just being with, you know, being present with. And so, like, as men, as women, we have these moments, works. We're expressing our masculine or feminine. So a lot of times what I do in my work is I work with. You know, when I work with women, if they're. If I can tell, like. And I can usually tell within the first five minutes if they're resonating in their dating world in a more feminine way or a more masculine way. And many of my clients that are women do function from a masculine Place like the go getter, like, make it happen, chase them, nail it down, close the deal. Yeah, because that's. Because these are successful, amazing, smart, gorgeous women who are. That's what they do to make things happen. So then they translate that and try to like, make it happen on the dating life. And they're like, why can't I close this deal? And so what I do is I help them to get in tune with that. They don't. They can actually be in tune with their femininity. I teach them to create their own feminine rituals that help them to feel feminine and take that time for themselves and that they don't actually need to approach dating in a way where they need to go get it and take it and make it happen. That they can start to relax and repose more in themselves and being present. Because from my years of doing this, I realized in talking to so many men, men on a date, they just want to be with the feminine energy, especially a masculine man. They want to be with the feminine energy. They want to be seen by her. They don't want. Men don't want to show up like that. A woman's just wanting to take from him, trying to take is more of a masculine energy. They want to be with a receptive woman who's listening, who's revealing things about herself, being vulnerable, being tender. And a lot of times, sometimes some of my clients, they show up kind of, you know, in the beginning stages, guarded, closed off, you know, a little push back. And that's like, I help them to get a little more gentle and softer and receptive. And so then for men, I help them if they are resonating more at a more feminine frequency. And I can usually tell because they're. They're not leading, they're not taking initiative. They're not, you know, they're not like asking her out for the next date. They're like kind of. They're kind of leaning back into their femininity. And then what happens? And this is the most frustrating thing, I think, for women. I think the biggest complaint is like the. When a man's not stepping in and is masculine and leading and like driving, like where he wants to lead them, a woman. And if he's not doing that, then a woman is forced. Well, she's actually forced. It can incline her to move her into more of her masculine. And that's why women fall into more of the masculine role in the dating scene. Because a guy's kind of leaning back into his feminine and the woman just wants the connection. But then she feels drained and feels frustrated. And the main thing that guys can do to have a woman feel like he's showing up in his masculine and leading is actually, before you call her, don't text, call her. Women love when you call. Actually invite her out directly for what the date is like. Not like, oh, let's just hang out. Think about what make her happy. Think about actually what you want to experience with her and actually be like, hey, I'd love to ask you out on a date this Friday, 8pm at Restaurant Digiorno. I'd love to take you out. You said you liked Italian. Are you free? Very masculine, very purposeful, and very clear to the woman for your intentions.

I love how the clarity is a focal point. Because when I think about the recalibration of this love radar, we know that the truth has to be in there. I mean, there is a recipe for this love radar. What are the other ingredients? So one would be respecting this polarity. The second one would be the man leading from a masculine, really knowing what he wants. Clear place. And then also, let's talk about this. Cause I've experienced this, Krista and the. The rest of recipe. We also understand that sometimes the woman has had old things that haven't worked out, and she's taking past memories and applying them to the future moment, which then puts almost a wall around her heart and she doesn't open herself up. And then in turn, you know, in my experience, it's been, well, if I'm not receiving her energy, if she's not being that love radar dish, and I feel that that heart wall around her, well, then I'm gonna get disinterested. And she might be really awesome.

I know. Yeah. See, you just said it. That's your experience as a man. Like, you know, you know when a woman's being great and feminine with you and really being receptive to you and that. What does that feel like for you as a man, when you get to be in the presence of a woman like that?

I mean, when I'm. There's nothing sweeter and more powerful than a play and a dance between the masculine and feminine. When I. When I can really feel from a woman that she is just so in her body and she's so in her heart, and she's also like a force to be reckoned with because she's done her work and she's a powerful feminine embodiment of, honestly, the energy that kind of created everyone. That's why it feels so powerful.

Yeah, right. Like Would you say it nourishes you or enlivens you? Like, when you get to be in the presence of a woman like this, it's exciting.

It's like it pulls out a deeper level of masculinity in me when I can sense from her that she's done that kind of work.

And that's the. I love that you're sharing that. And so. And when men show up in their masculine and having the plan and leading, then a woman gets to relax in her femininity and we get to feel oogie and just. Ah. And then we get to exude that, like, what you love to be, like how you love to be around women. Like, that presence that she's creating. Like, you actually get to, as a man, create a clearing or a space for a woman to let down her guard and to show up that way too, even if she does show up a little guarded. You. Your power as a man, you can start to open that if she's receptive. Of course, some people aren't, but that's the power that men have that I don't know if they realize.

And the power works both ways, too. I'm curious if you're writing about this in Breaking the Glass Slipper. This is your new book coming out. What's up with this metaphor? I love this. Is this Disney?

Yeah. So it's really about freeing yourself of fairy tale fantasies that I find over these years of being on the phone with people that people are consistently telling themselves. It's really the mindset. The book is really all about the mindset and breaking these fantasies and that are heavily influenced by Hollywood, by Disney. And so I break down all these basic things that people are always talking about in society. And it's just I break down these stories, not let them influence their dating life. Like, one of those things is, well, love's just gonna happen. Like, it'll just happen. People actually believe that love is just this magical thing that will just happen even if they're not dating, even if they're not taking any action. And it's. Part of it is Disney and the media and Hollywood that have influenced that. You know, when we're highly. We're highly imprintable when we're children. And so when we see over and over again two people meeting and then there's these hearts and explosions and they're strangers, and then they spend the rest of their lives together. And then we think that that's how a loving relationship, healthy relationship starts. It affects us. And so I find that like single people are showing up, making decisions on the first date based on how much chemistry and electricity there is. Just like that Disney experience whether they should continue dating that person or not.

Oh my God, I'm getting chills listening to you here. Because look, this lie that your life is going to be a fairy tale, that you're going to meet somebody and you're just going to know they're the one. I don't know if that's the world we actually live in, Krista.

It's not. But people, people take actions based on believing that fairy tale. They make their life choices. Like I hear it over and over again, okay, so I'm like, so what do you want? What do you want on the first date? Oh, I just want chemistry. I'm like, okay, I get it, you want to feel some connection. But like, come on, like, you can't base. You can't base. Your choice of choosing your life partner is one of the most, is to me the most powerful decision that you are going to make in your life. And we as a society are not trained on how to do that. We've only been choosing our own partners. Really in America, I don't know what, 100, 200 years, you know, and a lot of times marriages were arranged, you know, so we're just all in this space right now of like, how do we do this? How do we choose? How do we. And to choose based on chemistry, a physical chemistry based on how much you want to have sex with another human being is like a recipe for disaster. Yes, you want to have chemistry. Yes, you want to be attracted to some degree. But when you're choosing your life partner, you want to be grounded in the actual characteristics that you know that you actually need and want in a long term partner. And so that's by part of my work. After we do the clearing work, I do the dating compass work, which is four key characteristics that I help people discover in themselves and create for themselves over a few weeks. And then they choose and sort their dating partners based on these four characteristics, not just on chemistry.

Okay, if you're feeling like I do, then immediately go to the Wellness Force website and book a call with Christa right now because we already know that she's laid out this map for dating compass. We know about the love radar. But Krista, I gotta ask you this. So women and men, you know, there can be times where being single can be a long time. You know, from my actual vantage point, it's been two years, two years plus. And so I've been really shifting, as Napoleon Hill would call it, sexual transmutation. Taking that energy and putting it towards a craft, a vision, a purpose, a job, whatever it is. Is there a point for both men and women when they can start to realize, you know what? I think now is the right time for me to actually begin the dating process? And if so, how do they open themselves up to do that?

Say that question again because it's so rich.

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Okay, that's so good because People can actually come to it on their own, where they're like, it's just time. I'm ready. Want this. And then they naturally start taking action. They just get it. They've just hit this place in their life. They're like, hey, I've been kind of going along, and I miss that intimacy and that connection, and I want to create that, and I want to build my life with someone. So that could be natural. Or sometimes it actually takes, like, people feeling the uncomfortableness, the loneliness, the pain, and maybe they just stumble upon someone, like, who's a mentor or a coach like me, or somebody that. That actually wakes them up, that they are ready. So for me, my initial paid call is all about helping someone see what they want and what's getting in their way. It's so interesting, Josh, because sometimes on that call, I actually call them out because they'll be like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, I kind of want a relationship. I'm like, look, what do you really want? And then they'll say, well, I kind of would want. I'm like, come on, what do you really want? And they're like, I do. I want to get married, and I want to have a family. They have repressed that because they've gotten so resigned from not doing the healing work, from not being able to date effectively, not having the dating skills to be able to actually attract and date the kind of partners that they would want to date. So because they've gotten so resigned, they've forgotten. They've forgotten that they actually really want to get married. They really want a partner, and they've denied that in themselves. So part of my job is to awaken that hope and that desire again.

And I feel like, as I'm hearing you, what's coming up for me is learning to let go. You know, it's like, maybe the reason why people are scared to even admit what they actually want is because deep in the subconscious, there's something white knuckling. There's something holding on. And so what do we do for this? How do we learn to let go? I mean, especially for these driven women.

Yeah, because that ties into your. The first few steps and how to let go. I think it's really good to get support. I think a lot of driven women that I find, they listen to the podcasts, they read the books, but if you don't have someone calling you out on your stuff and really reflecting back to you and who's brave enough to really call you out on your stuff, you're going to stay stuck. You really need someone to reflect, whether that's a best friend, whether it's a coach, whether it's a mentor. I think it's just really easy to get into the rut of, you know, and getting like not seeing your blind spots. So I'm an advocate for putting yourself around people or programs or support that are going to reveal to you your blind spots in terms of love and dating. So that would be like a first great step. And you know what, we repress our feelings because we're scared that we're going to be overwhelmed by them or they're going to come up and stay forever. But it's so funny when we just be with our feelings and honor them and be in communication with them and treat them like a little child that's coming to us crying or angry. Yes, it actually flows out. It flows, it goes. And so that's the first step in my process is to create a space for my clients to be able to just be with what's there, learn how to honor your feelings. So I would say, like, that's a great place to start. Just really just feel. Because what happens is when you have a breakup, we're encouraged by our society to just get out there again, go have sex with someone, go and do your thing. Like, come on, get over it already. But people don't realize, like this is a heart issue. You have to deal with the heart on its terms, not from a mental place. You actually need to honor your heart. Just like you were in a big accident and sometimes a breakup, you'll maybe like break maybe one bone. But sometimes breakups are like you, you break all the bones in your body and you're devastated.

Yes. There can be a shattering of the bones.

Yeah. And so like, what are you going to do if you break all your bones? You're just going to be like, come on, get over it, come on. You know, you actually need to put yourself in a full body cast. You need a rest, you need to deal with it. You need to heal the body, its terms. I'm an advocate for after breakups, heal your, the heart on its terms. And part of it is to feel your feelings and to honor what's there and to allow them the space to be released.

This reflecting. You talked about having a mentor or coach. This is so powerful because I think about the reason why alpha type men or very successful high level women, you know, that are running an organization, the reason they became so successful was because they were tapping into that energy of intelligence, of leadership, of getting the job done. But you know what, that doesn't necessarily relate to the neck down, this heart based work. You know, I almost feel like, Krista, I'd love your opinion on this. When it comes to matters of the heart, the head just gets to be a passenger.

That's interesting. I never heard it said that way. The head becomes a passenger in matters of the heart. Like tell me more. Like, can you give me an example? Like for you?

Yeah, for me it's, you know, the very same thing that I had reflected in this conversation where I've really done some work recently, actually in the past couple months to know, okay, I am ready for the relationship that's already in trajectory towards me. And that doesn't come from my head, like that came from my heart and all the work that I've been doing here because man, it's just time. It's just time. And so what I find is that that message of clarity that came from the heart, the head is actually the one that gets in the way. And so if I allow my head to drive that well, then that message never gets fulfilled.

I love what you're saying so much right now. Like you're speaking to me right now because I, the last few months have been learning to trust how my life is unfolding from my heart. Like the more I'm getting in tune with my heart and being present, the more magic that's happening in my life. People are coming into my life, magical experiences are coming to my life. I am so in getting so much more in tune with my heart that when I allow the heart to lead and life is just more juicy and more effective and in flow. But I'm actually having to let go of how I think things should unfold from my mind and actually giving my heart more of that, the queen level of how to guide my life, giving her the reins instead of my mind. Because I did actually this year get into a bit of a mind rut, thinking things need to happen like this, like this, like this. And to be honest, I got miserable. I was miserable and depleted. And now that I've been like honoring more of my heart and in that space, it really is like scarier. Do you find it's kind of of scary a little bit to trust your heart?

Yes. And I know someone's listening right now and they're like clenching their fist, they're in their car, they're grabbing their steering wheel, they're like, yes, this is so confusing because we've talked about two polarized concepts here, Christa, and this is what you Help people with so much. Yes, it's true. Love doesn't just happen. You know, we have these people that are in their later years, maybe in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and they're still single. And it's like, you're not doing the work. So we know that. But then love also doesn't come from forcing the work either. I'd love for you to talk about this as we wind down to our. More takeaways.

Yeah, that's the thing. It's really coming from a space of peace and ease instead of neediness or takey or something's wrong. You know, a lot of times in our culture, it's like, as being single, we are, we're kind of seen a little lower than in our culture. Like, well, why don't you have someone? You should have someone, you know, indicating that being single means something's wrong. So I help people to be able to distinguish that, like, there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong being single. And to get to that neutral place instead of making life choices based on there's something wrong with you because you're single, and then you choose someone that's horrible. Right. Just because you want to not be wrong in society. So it's really about peacefully coming to a neutral place, honoring yourself, honoring what you really want to allow into your life. I don't know about you, but I'm very particular about who I allow in my space, my friends, who I allow, like, who I invest my time in. I'm very careful and cognizant of that. And so why would we not do the same thing with who we're dating and who we're bringing into our life? A lot of times people think a date has to turn into a relationship really fast. And this person's a stranger. You don't know them, give them time. Just like you maybe would sort allowing a friend to come closer into your life. Maybe just take on that a little bit and let it be slow. The slow burn. I call it fondue dating, you know, like, have, like someone that you're seeing, like on the slow burn, and you're stirring it and stirring it, stirring it. And every once in a while you dip a little, you know, piece of fruit in there and eat it, and it's just like enjoying a slow burn. If you turn up the heat too high on the chocolate and fondue, it's all going to burn. It's going to taste bad. I think a very empowering place to come from when you're on the dating scene, when you're choosing and sorting partners, deciding if someone's in alignment with what you want for yourself and your future. Take it slow and have it be yummy and slow and be. Yeah.

And the love radar. And I love this concept of radar because as you talked about before, back in the military or in the military now, they use radar all the time, and it's to. To basically be aware of what's in their field. And so as we lead this awareness, when people get off the podcast today with us, this incredible conversation, I've loved this. I'm actually gonna take notes when we're done here. How do people begin to assess their field? In other words, where does this radar process begin? When they put the phone down, when they turn off the podcast, what's one thing they can do to increase their awareness in this radar field?

Well, call me and just start to honor yourself because everyone has their wisdom. You know, everything. You're just distracted. When you're in tune with yourself, you honor yourself. You love yourself just like you would your own child. And you're so attentive to yourself and your feelings and your thoughts and slowing down, then you get to start, I just think being in communication with your own self, developing a relationship, a romantic, yummy relationship with yourself and exploring you like, oh, look at that. That made me get a little upset. Oh, why? What's underneath that? Oh, I'm feeling a little weird. Okay. Why? What's going on? Oh, I have. Have this experience, like, actually cultivate and journaling is a great way. Meditating is a great way. Just slowing it down. And being with you, going out on dates with you, spending that time with you, I think that's a great first step if someone were to just be doing that on their own.

You know, it's funny, my men's group, we just did an exercise six months ago when I got back from Rhythmia, where I had a lot of transformation. And we actually, the exercise was to run, write love letters to our inner child, like when we were 6, 10 years old. And so the exercise was we. We wrote down what we appreciate about the child and how happy we are that we've become this man now. And I think that women get to do that as well. It's really making peace. Can we just stop the war? Whether it's me too. Whether it's dating. Put down the shield, put down the weapons. Breathe into the love. Be aware, don't be taken advantage of. But let's put the weapons down as a collective here. So, Krista, thank you so much. For sharing everything on the podcast, I have one last question, question for you. And it's at this intersection of the physical and the emotional and it's wellness. How would you define this? How does Krista Beck define wellness in her life? What is your definition of wellness?

Ooh, okay. Wellness is honoring my human body as a temple. As a temple, everything I put into it, everything I eat, it's like bringing it into the temple, bringing it into the church, bringing it into that holy place. So what are you imbibing? What are you eating? What thoughts are you surrounding yourself and putting into your head? What people are you taking in, what vibrations, what energy? And so to me, wellness is about honoring all those elements of ourselves, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. And I think the ultimate wellness is when you're honoring all those parts of yourself and really taking, taking care of them to like bring yourself into this place where when you, your head, heart and mouth are all speaking in alignment.

Wow, I have never heard that before. That was such a cool answer. I was sitting here smiling. Krista, let me breathe and just pause for a moment. Thank you so much. Since 2009, you've been serving men and women in this dating industry which there's so much confusion out there. So thank you for creating some clarity with this Love Radar program. So much. Thank you for what you do.

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for having me and pulling my own wisdom out to be able to be a contribution to your people that are watching. Thank you for the, the experience. I really enjoyed being with you.

Me too. My pleasure. Kristaback.com C R I S T A B E C K.com make sure you book a call with her. You can also go to the WellnessForce website. Christa, we'll talk to you very soon.

Okay, my dear. Bye bye.

Hey my friend, thank you for hanging out and growing with me today. Everything you learned on this podcast starts with your morning practices. So from over 200 world class guests and counting, we've distilled the gems, the best of the best science backed practices down into a 21 minute morning system guaranteed to increase the positive flow in your day. Get this free and powerful 21 minute life changing system over at wellnessforce.com forward slash. If you enjoyed this episode, tap your phone, share it with someone you care about because that is how we all get better together. Supporting the show is easy. Leave us a five star review right now from your phone. It helps us reach other smart and conscious people like you. Either tap your phone and hit the link in purple that says review this podcast or go to wellnessforce.com review. And this show doesn't stop here. We're continuing the discovering process and our priority private Facebook group. You can be a part of it. All you have to do is go to wellnessforce.com group and I'll welcome you at the door. Okay. Now you get to go out into your world and live your life well. So until I see you again real soon, I'm wishing you love and wellness.