248 Lauren Handel Zander: Maybe It's You

Do you like yourself when you look in the mirror? What are you saying to yourself? What do you think about other people? How do you look at the tree? Right, like, where are you with yourself? Is basically the most important relationship you're having that then extends to all the other areas in your life.

That's Lauren Handel Zander. And this is episode 248 of Wellness Force Radio where we discover the physical and emotional intelligence to live life well. In this podcast, we're talking with my friend, best selling author and co founder and chairwoman of the Handel Group, an international corporate consulting and private coaching company who's worked with some of the biggest names in business, art and music in the world. This is a really unique and first time ever podcast. We're exploring this concept of cutting the crap, facing your fears and loving your life through her new book titled maybe it's you. This is our friend, Lauren Handel. Zander, I know you're gonna love Lauren as much as I did. She has such an engaging and fun personal and she's here on Planet Earth with a unique contract, a very powerful one. Not just any type of contract. She talks about a soul contract connected to her spirit, which drives her to serve so many people and clients across the world. And I love this title, maybe it's yous. Because it's typical, isn't it, that in our busy lives, whenever something isn't going our way. Well, actually, I'll speak for myself. Whenever something isn't going my way, I notice this little voice in my head that says it's someone else's fault. Who, whose fault is it? Who can I blame as to why my goal or relationship or whatever I'm working on isn't actually working out. But this conversation was one of my absolute favorites in this concept of taking loving and radical ownership of every single thing that's happened for us, and not just to us in our lives. Lauren's work is highly sought after from people like Dr. Mark Hyman, Hugh Jackman, but her roots actually go back to mit, a very prestigious school. She's got a foothold in this academia world, but also one in spirituality and consciousness. This is why I enjoyed this conversation. And I know you're gonna get so much out of it too. We talked about how she's helping people through a unique inner dialogue process of an emotional inventory to get people unstuck and transcend emotional roadblocks. We explore how our emotional states and different ways of being can actually be passed down to us by our ancestors. We talk about the process for understanding what you truly believe is right for you and and how to understand the different effects that religion and societal training early in life can cloud self identity. We also talked about my favorite chapter in this book called the Truth About Lying. I've really been feeling into this concept lately about telling the truth until it stops hurting, but Lauren has such an electric way of explaining things. I know you're gonna love this podcast and if you yourself, as we look to 2019, have been struggling with a life change or a pivot, maybe even just the feeling of slowing down and feeling that call to listen to what your soul is telling you, this is gonna be a knockout podcast for you. And if you're inspired by Lauren's voice and her message, make sure you head to the show notes page wellnessforce.com 248 where Lauren was generous enough to give us a $75 discount on our coaching program called Inner U. This is 14 plus hours of audio sessions, 50 written assignments, community chat, all the tools that will allow you, as she calls, to learn to human better. This is about lifestyle design. It's perfect timing too for the new year. So head to WellnessForce TU. Click on the discount code Wellness475 to get that discount at checkout. Now let's dig into this concept of radical loving ownership of our health and wealth and relationships and so much more with the one and only Lauren Handel Zander. Hi, I'm Josh Trent. This is Wellness Force. My guest today is an author, speaker, coach and the founder of the Handel Method. She is the author of maybe it's yous Cut the crap, Face your fears, love your life. It is a beautiful book I had the chance to review. It's a no nonsense, really practical manual that helps men and women figure out not just what they want out of life, but actually how to get there. This coaching work, she's been teaching for over 20 plus years through to universities globally and is used by dozens of corporations. But her scientific approach to deconstructing the pathways to success, she's become a champion for those on the precipice of great achievement. Lauren Handel Zander, welcome to Wellness Force.

Thank you. I'm very happy to be here.

Yes, you help so many men and women across the world. You fix corporate business relationships, reconciled marriage, resolve complex family issues. But I love this. I wanted to start here. You mentioned on an interview this year that you actually have spiritual contracts with people. Let's start there. What do you mean by that?

I get people. When I coach someone, I say this thing which is you have to do your homework assignment and your homework assignment, I call your life story colonoscopy. And after I figure out everything you say about yourself and how you talk about yourself and how you think, think, I literally deal with helping you sort out your highest dreams for your whole life. And then what I do, my joke is I'm like a three legged race with you. I tie my leg to yours and I consider when I listen to your dreams and hold you to your dreams a spiritual contract. And then my job is to get you off my leg.

Right?

Like to, unlike you, don't need me running with you, right? Like I'm shotgun, helping you understand a gps. Like I'm going to teach you the gps. I'm going to be shotgun. I'm going to keep kind of barking orders and then I'm going to let you go because you're going to learn this and you're not going to need me. And I'm a little expensive, so you can get rid of me. And then, interestingly enough, I had a client who I've worked with for over 10 years, right? She comes back whenever like the next thing happens, right? And I literally just got off the phone with her and you go, I am holding her life contract. Like her highest aspirations about her marriage, about her kids. She didn't have a marriage or kids when she came to me. And the one we're talking about today was her career dreams, right? And she's scared out of her wits because it's happening. So I hold people's dreams and I hold people to what I consider their personal integrity, to fulfilling on their own life's mission.

There's these 12 areas you focus on and we're not going to get to all of them because we only have a little bit of time here. But I absolutely love this. Lauren, I love your work. I love how you start the 12 areas of really what I like to call an emotional inventory. You know, like the truth is in the basement and sometimes the truth is in a box in the corner with like cobwebs on it. And we don't want to go there, we don't want to explore it. But I love the way you start these areas with the first relationship to self. I love this so much. And let's talk about this relationship to self. It's, I think, you know, self awareness and also self love have become terms that are somewhat of a platitude in personal development. But why do you choose to start your inventory with clients with relationship to self?

Because you're stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. And that inner dialogue of yours is your relationship to yourself. Do you like yourself when you look in the mirror? What are you saying to yourself? What do you think about other people? How do you look at the tree? Right. Like, where are you with yourself? In is basically the most important relationship you're having that then extends to all the other areas in your life.

And this relationship to self, it's really this soul contract that unfolds over the course of an entire lifespan. I'm 38 now. My relationship to self when I was 21, totally different. You know, I've done much more of an inventory. And I know you help people through this 12 steps. And we're going to talk about these 12 processes a little bit more. But I wanted to also talk about this chapter which was my absolute favorite in the book. Maybe it's you. The favorite chapter was about telling the truth. It was called the Truth about Lying. And you quoted one of my favorite mentors who's no longer with us. But I want to read this for our audience, for context. It's from Neville Goddard. Most of us think that we're kind and loving, generous and tolerant, forgiving and noble. But an uncritical observation of our reactions to life will reveal itself. That it is not all kind and loving, generous and tolerant, forgiving and noble. And it is the self that we must first accept and then set about to change. How has Neville Goddard's work influenced your career?

I think I work for Neville. Right. I think I'm like, I feel possessed by Neville, honest to God. Right. So it's like if I didn't get to bring any other book, you know, there's like two self help books I need on earth, right. Which is, you know, think and Grow Rich really nailed it.

Yeah.

And Neville Godard's work really, you know, is I think the most spiritual, awesome work there is ever. So those are my guys and those have been my guys since I was in my early 20s. And I am 48, so I never got over them.

I didn't know his name was Godard, by the way. I thought it was Goddard. So you just gave me such a.

Beautiful piece, I might even have it wrong. But that's how. No, I think I might be right. I think I might be right. But I'm a bit of a goofy, so someone should check on you. Maybe you're right, but that's what I call them.

Well, the lessons remain the same regardless of how we pronounce the author's name. And it's this really like, what is the absolute truth? And you've worked with so many people across the world, and I love that you actually go from not only CEOs, athletes, contract negotiations, helping people literally save their marriage. You worked with someone, and he wrote the forward on the book, Mark Hyman. We've talked about Mark's work on the show, and he runs very deep with his intelligence in the wellness space. Mark was so vulnerable in his opening of your book. Can you talk about how you even met Mark and what that relationship was?

Yeah. So, first of all, my nickname for Mark is he is my day husband. Right. I have a. I love my husband and he's my night husband. But Mark and I are best friends. And I really helped his. I helped him dramatically be true to himself and his career and his love life and sorting himself out in a time where he really needed that kind of support, which was about seven or eight years ago now. And he's the real deal, right? His love for humanity and teaching people to be healthy. And his wisdom is, bar none, right? Like he is a healer on earth and he's in a package that people truly can connect to, which is just epic, right? Like he can deliver the message and you can get it. And you can get it if you're educated, and you can get it if you've never been educated. It's. That's, for me, the real truth about a rock star, right? It translates no matter where, what or when, to whoever, to everyone. And so it's. And then over my career, I've been hunting my whole life to, you could say, be partners with people who have the same mission, right? Who, you know, Elena Brower is someone who has that mission. Like, so she's one of my most favorite yoga teachers. Emily Fletcher is. Or this woman beet, right? So I travel, coach, connect with what I consider best in class. And they need. And the most beautiful part is they need what I teach and I need what they teach, right? So when Mark came to my house and threw out every last bit of corn syrup everywhere to be found, he literally filled two garbage bags of everything we didn't know was poison in our house. And it was like. And my little children, I have three kids, and my husband and he, like, literally beady eyed, looked me in the eye and explained to us why we should never touch this stuff. And it was like the most transformational thing, really. And then I do the same for him in his personal life.

And when his marriage fell apart, it was very challenging. He said, I took a deep Breath ready to face what I had not been willing to face. And I called Lauren. You spent an entire day with him unpacking things. And what I love too is there is a big difference between life coaching and therapy. Now, sometimes they get lumped into the same bin, but it's so different. And Mark says for him it was faster and it was much more focused on change than simply talking. How would you describe this, Lauren? You know, so many years in the industry, what do you see the big differences between therapy and life coaching?

I get to tell you what to do. I get to make a list of like, oh, you're gonna exercise today. And if you don't exercise, like, I get to give instructions where. So I think therapy is really having ins and talking about things. And then through the talk, changes or comfort happens or shifts can happen. Right? Yeah. That's not how I roll. Right. So I'm going to give you the insights I've had over my 20 years with, you know, thousands of people. And I change the dialogue, I change the narrative, I teach you concepts, but I make you go practice them, like, come back. Like, I give you instructions. And I'm very action oriented, which a therapist isn't. That's not what their job is. They're not telling you to go for a run. And if you don't go for a run, you can't, you know, be on social media tonight. Yeah, right. So I'm very much a coach. Right. Like, I'm coaching you on exactly what.

To do to change this relationship of accountability to, you know, therapy versus coaching. I think that is the big caveat to pull from. And I think about the way that people go through life and we all have dabbled. You know, anyone that's ever tried to accomplish anything big, big, they've been stretched, they've been pushed to their limits. And sometimes, well, most of the time, the childhood stuff comes up. You know, conception to seven. That's when our brain is most malleable. That's when our personality is formed. And it's interesting in your book. I love how personal you are in your book. And it's funny. I was like laughing and highlighting. There was a section in there where you were talking about your relationship to your father at a young age when you're a teenager. And it's a section on assigning blame. And I think this is really big for us because so many times we've had people that say, I don't exactly know what's going on. But the lesson keeps repeating in my life over and over and over again, you talk about this, though, you say, discovering your own fingerprints on the crime scene. Can you talk about what you realized with your father? He was watching tv. You were hurt. It was really interesting.

So I spent for a very long time, really, until this moment happened, that my father loved his work, loved his two drinks at night, loved to watch sports, loved my mother, loved being a dad, but didn't really want to know me or be with me. And, you know, so I could lie to him. I could write him off. Like, he still was in my mind, the problem, right? And I had never said any of this to him, right? This was all in my little head, right? Like, what was wrong with my daddy and why we didn't have a close relationship. He was the problem. And this one day, I walked past him and huffed at him, huh? Right? And I didn't even realize I, like, huffed out loud. And the bugger followed, like, huh? Came and said, honey, what's up? And that's. My heart starts pounding, and I'm like, am I gonna lie or am I gonna tell him the truth? And I blurted out the truth, right? Like, you picked television over you did. Like, I literally got hysterical and told him my inner dialogue of why it was all his fault. And he looked at me and he's like, you wanna hang out with me? You wanna be with me, honey, I'll turn off the tv. Like, are you kidding? All you have to do is ask. I think you walked past me, like, and it was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like, literally, what I wanna wipe on him and blame him for is what I'm doing, right? And I was like, oh, no, is this how. Is this how it really works? Like, bam. And then the bad joke was like, I don't want to talk to him. Like, wait a minute. Like, no, I'm going to get on the phone with my friend dad, right? Like, I was such a con, right? It was a lie. I'd rather just him be the reason there was no intimate relationship rather than it be me. And I didn't even want to hang out with him, right? So it was like. It was an epic revelation of humans blame the other for what they won't face in themselves.

I love this, too, because you said, you know, we opt to stay sad, mad and righteous instead of seeing our own fingerprints all over the crime scene. It's such a rad metaphor because, gosh, when we take radical personal responsibility in any situation, can't we just get to the truth a lot faster?

The truth. What's going on in people's heads. Like the way you, the way I was talking about it. If, like why I teach transparency. And if you can't get a thought to go away, you have to go ask the person, right? And really that's intimacy, right? That no one's doing that. Everyone believes the puppet show in their head is real. And I was totally doing that in all areas of my life. And so when you start to go, what are you making up about other people? What are you making up about? What's not there in your life? What are you making up about your boss, about your sister, about. And have you ever had all those conversations? And the answer will always to God be no, right? And the amount. And I call that in this section lying, right? You're withholding information. They don't know what you're thinking. They have no idea that that's what you're still upset about. When is that? Your fingers on the crime scene, right? If you say, I was upset you didn't come to dinner and they go, screw you. I never come into your dinner. Now you have two honest people and then you could go, well, why don't you ever want to come to my dinner? And then guess what they'll say, well, 10 years ago, right? They'll tell you that, right? So and so no one's getting resolved about what's not working in their lives because they believe the puppet show in their head is right?

What is it about this puppet show that's connected to something that did serve us? You know, we have this really old school brain that hasn't changed that much since we were running around from, you know, saber toothed tigers and whatnot. From a biological standpoint, what's going on there? Why do we log these things? You know, emotional distress, failures, being hurt. Why is that so challenging for people to overcome? Because I think that's at the crux of what we're talking about.

Okay, so, you know, this is gonna definitely sound self helping. So there really is. We operate out of fear. We have PhDs in fear, everything. Like if I say that they'll leave me. If I say that it'll hurt their feelings if I say so. We lie to protect other people, but really we're keeping the least amount of, like we, you know, we don't want to hurt our father. We don't want to not get the car tonight. We don't want to. Like we want to game the system to get the. Whatever we think is true, right? The problem is, is we're in there with our Own heads, right? And so we don't hear or check in on our own selves for being the cause of why relationships are where they are. But mostly you're like, why is this going on? I would go. Protection is the mechanism that's ruling us, not love. Yeah, okay. And lineage, right. What I study is traits from your parents past to generation to generation. This goes back to your saber tooth, right? So because we're never facing that, we have my, you know, I have my father's stubbornness, right? And I also have his wandering eye, right. Like we don't think we know we have my father. I know I have my father's brown eyes, but I don't think I have my father's obnoxious, mean, brown, you know, brown eyes. Yeah, right. And so we've. So we don't even notice how much we're like our history and our history is repeating from our parents personality. So unless you've actually done some real work studying it, you're not going to know.

I'm looking at this work too, that you do this, this construct of telling the truth. And I also think I'm reminded of Brian Weiss's work. You know, I think about this generational kind of behavioral, that we almost get gifted from parents, grandparents, great grandparents. Do you believe in this, in your work? You know, looking at Brian Weiss's work, he wrote Many Lives, Many Masters, talking about, you know, generational, emotional kind of genotypes that are activated. You know, there's a lineage of someone that might be hypersensitive or that might lie or that might be criminal or that might be loving. What has your research shown in your work? Do you believe in lineage, passing down emotional traits, ways of being.

I think it works exactly like DNA, right? I think it's spooky. I think it's epigenetics explains it. So I believe in epigenetics. I really do. I'm so. I wish I didn't. I really do.

Why do you say you wish you didn't?

Because it's got a very creepy truth to it, right. And I wish we had more freedom than it implies, right. So when I learned this, it was because I helped a woman leave like I helped a woman. She came to me, all she wanted to do was figure out if she should leave her husband or not. And she was devastated. She had a kid and I helped her lose weight, I helped her stop smoking, drinking. Like we expanded who she was as an individual. And I said, let's fix you and then we'll figure out how you feel about your man. And we'll see what you know. Let's like take it slow. And really. So imagine that after the year we figured out she should divorce him. She had the nicest divorce. Now go a year and a half later, I get a witchy feeling about this woman and I'm like, where is she? I literally called her and it was three days before she was going to move her. She's she. Imagine she's 37 at the time that she was moving her new 29 year old Spanish boyfriend into the house that needed a green card. Do you understand how loud I screamed? Okay. I was like, what? Right? Like wow. How is this what you're doing? Right. Her father had had four marriages, very happy on the fourth. Mom, three marriages, very happy on the third. And then I made her go back and get all the notes about every ex the father's second wife, which lasted only long enough to get her a green card.

Wow.

Asked me if she was Spanish. Uh huh. That was when I was never not gonna do lineage again.

Yes. I think there's a biological framework for why habits repeat. But then there's also emotional intelligence that can be changed over time. And you know, someone that I'm not sure if you followed, but I get the sense with the kind of people you work with that you have. And it's paymatodron. One of my favorite quotes that she's ever said is, nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

I agree with that completely.

I'm curious for you personally though, is there something that you can talk about in your life that maybe you haven't talked about before in a podcast? A lesson that repeated so many times till finally you realized, oh, maybe it's me.

Oh, there are no lessons that haven't. I got lots of them. I am far from perfect and I tell everyone everything. So I would say, say the most devastating lesson that still repeats. I've gotten much less frequent and much less hurt by it. But I fall in love with people, which is no surprise. And then I make people that I help. Many of them become dear friends over time. And not all of them. I got lots of clients that have never been friends, but then I have some that have really converted into friends or even have come to work for me, right? And my joke is that one in every seven stabs me in the front and I didn't see it coming. Make sense, right? I get betrayed, I get shocked, I get robbed. And then if I was such a guru, if I was so great at this. How could I make this mistake over and over and over and over again?

Why do you think that? Why do you think that happens so much?

Well, first of all, in the lineage. In the lineage, my grandfather helped his wife's brother dramatically, like, put him through college, gave him a job. And then the story in the family is that he literally grabbed all the files and started his own accounting firm, and it caused the biggest riff in the family ever. Right. And we were always, like, altruistic. It was their fault. Right. But my grandfather never made that man a partner. He was always saving the business for his kids. Right. You understand? You get it?

Sure.

Yeah. And so he believed that was. So my grandfather was. You could almost say he was greedy. And you could go that. My uncle, you know, felt it was his only thing he could do right now. Neither one talked about it. Neither. And then what was even worse is my grandmother was so devastated this happened, and she died within six months and had a heart attack.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay. So this is like, the story in the family. Okay. And most of the kids in my family are not business leaders. Right. So I'm the only one who started my own business who makes partnerships and has. Right. I'm the only one. Like, I'm it. Right. Cause I'm the one who's the entrepreneur, like my grandfather. Okay.

Yeah.

And so being betrayed in business has definitely been one of my themes. So lineage explains it. And then the insight is I have to be ridiculously fair. Right. You get it. I have to be really fair and make sure all my people feel like equal, like, partners, and they're all happy. So that never happens. So that is something I'm rigorous about. Right.

Wow.

And then I really do run a great partnership business. Right. And I. And everyone can know everything about how I roll, how the money rolls, and how everybody's partners. Right. So that solved for that. And then. So that's kind of a very good example of how I get betrayed and then how I healed it from my grandfather's story.

This is so challenging. God, thank you for sharing that with us, because so many people have dealt with, as you said, being stabbed in the front, which typically. Typically the metaphor is because stabbed in the back. But I liked how you put that. And I. I have to wonder, too, you know, with. With your group coaching and everything you do, there's four huge segments that you help so many people with. Do you feel like, in a way, that maybe part of your soul contract is to receive so much contrast and so many challenges that it actually gives you the greater capacity to serve deeper.

You know how this is how I think. I'll just tell you. Cause you're asking a good question. And I'll just tell you. I don't get to judge my life until my final blink. Like right at the blink, okay. And my dream is to change the world and that there's a network of the greatest souls in the world, like, who want to change the world. Like a Mark Hyman, like a you. Right? Like get to the right people and let's see how far we can get. By the time I die, that's it, right? So. And that's all I want to do. I want to close the gap. I want to develop language. I want to, you know, repackage and rebrand and remarket the soul to its. To the souls in the world, right? Like, so people are dying to know themselves and be the good guys in the world and heal their families and have great lives. Like, I mean, a really good time on Earth. And so I'm like, like actually have a really good time on Earth. Not have a bad time and be a good person, like a good time. And so I don't even know. So all I know is I'm good, I know what I teach and I want to reach everybody and I want to make it around the world. And I need a network of the good guys doing it together. And that's kind of all I got.

Yeah, that's such a great way to explain it too. Last night I went to an event here in Rancho Santa Fe. I was hanging out with a woman who's been on the show. Her name is Christine Hassler, which if you haven't come across her, she's one of the good ones too. She's like you. She's in this awareness that we're actually having the soul be something that serves us and we have a good time on planet Earth. And I'll never forget when she told me this last night, she was like, you know, healing and going through your own self journey and self discovery does not have to be such a tragedy and such a trauma. We can make this self improvement process fun and lively and filled with joyous moments. So if we don't have the proper tools, we can't transcend the challenges that come our way. Of course, when it comes to emotional intelligence, Lauren is showing us about the practical and pragmatic approach towards navigating the soul contract of who we are emotionally. But I found in my life, and I know you can attest to this right that if our conduit, our physical body, our mitochondria is plagued with low energy at the cellular level, it's going to affect our decision making faculty and our emotional health. This is why Wellness Force locked arms with our show sponsor Organifi this year to give us this energy boosting coconut and Ashwagandha infused green juice and also the cordyceps and Reishi red as well as the turmeric infused gold. So we can have this comprehensive all day long cellular energy delivery package for less than a few bucks a day. But the coolest part about this is the formulations. Drew and the team are always updating these high quality, organic, soy free, dairy free, vegan, gluten free ingredients. So for this new year we get to choose. You get to choose to stack the environment in your favor. Doesn't it feel nice to just be supported and not have to constantly make decisions if we're going to eat healthy or not? I've been doing the green, the red and the gold at night for over 12 months now. It is a absolute staple in my wellness practice after my M21. So if you're looking for the lowest hanging fruit, the things that will move you in the right direction for better wellness, look no further. It's not about the the whey proteins and pre workouts and all these things that give fake energy. This product gives sustainable energy from the inside out at the cellular level. You can have this. You get 20% off because you're here with us on the show. Just go to organifi.com wellnessforce use code wellnessforce not only do you get 20% off the red, green and gold, but anything else on the site in your cart@organifi.com WellnessForce and use code Wellness Wellness Force for 20% off. The big discount for the holidays with code WellnessForce. Okay, let's get back to Lauren to see if maybe it's you. How have you constructed your business with yourself also with your own personal relationship to where this self improvement process isn't so tedious and it's a joyful process. I mean it's going to have its down moments. But what is your North Star with guiding you and your clients to make this self improvement process filled with joy?

So I believe in a sense of humor, self deprecating humor and never done laughing at what it is to be human. I also think that one of our biggest lies in life is that we don't get how dark we are and we need to get a sense of humor about our dark Side versus feeling bad that were dark. Right. And so to integrate light and dark is what I'm doing. And most people don't have a like, so no one gets how funny dark is. Right. And so that's what I'm doing. Right. So humor is the right answer. And then I come up with nicknames, you know, I really bring a joke to it all. And I would say that's probably true and self deprecating. Right? Like, right. If you want to, you know, you want to know. Like I. And I don't think anything's a secret. I don't think the darkest thought I've ever had is a secret. I don't think my sexual appetite is a secret. I go to Burning man because I think it's a good time. I don't think any of my drugs habits are a secret. But I'll tell anybody anything. And if I can't tell people, I can't do it. Does that make sense? Like if it's a secret, I can't do it?

Yeah.

If it's not a secret, I can do it.

Yeah. It's like to the degree that there's a space between how someone feels in their body and their heart and soul versus what comes out of their mouth, don't you feel like that's the degree of suffering?

Suffering comes from not believing in yourself, Right. Like, and then any form of not believing in yourself is, you don't have the right to say that, do that, ask for that, or be that. And that's like keeping yourself down. And the other thing that's really sucks on earth is how vice riddled we are. Right? Like, I was feeling terrible, I needed a drink. I was feeling terrible, I needed a cookie. And then the joke we make in the book is if you fed yourself celery when you were sad, you'd never be sad.

Right? That's true.

Right, Right. If you fed yourself, if you couldn't drink when you were sad. Right. Like if your vices only worked when you were happy, we would be a much less vice riddled society.

Let us let that sink in for a moment. That was so powerful. I think the vices, they're probably more present now than ever before in human existence. And it's not just because there's more men and women on earth. It's because we're in somewhat of a spiritual malady, you know, And I don't know if, if you ever talk about this in your work or in any of your lectures, but how would you define kind of where we are Right. Now, when we look at spirituality and connection to a higher power, do you think that is the reason why we might find ourselves in kind of a societal meltdown of some sorts?

I think we're getting more transparent. I think the truth is getting uglier and clearer. Like, we all thought we were scot free when we had a gorgeous black president, right? Like, yay, the world turned out right, right? Like, we must not be so bad, right? Like, we must be getting better. I mean, I really felt, like, relieved and like, okay, great, now all we need is a gay president. Like, maybe we need a black gay woman and we could just hit all three, right? Like, get me out of the prejudice world where we're so not clear on loving each other. And do what you want behind your own doors as long as no one's getting hurt, right? And then I think it's so obvious how far we are in our world from that now. And so I like that. Cause it needs healing and fixing. I think the shit show better be clear to us. And when you tell me the world's getting more vicey, I'm like, oh, honey, the world is not getting more vicey. It's as vice y as it's ever been. I know everyone's secrets and I know all their vices. And there's not more now or less. And 10 years ago, maybe.

It just appears, though, because of social and our digital connection, that it appears to be more prevalent.

Yeah, no, it's just more clear. I don't think it's the volume of how many people. Like, I don't think drink sales went up recently, right? Like, alcohol's doing great, bulimia is doing great. Like, but, like, people's sicknesses are the same and growing, but that's because humanity's growing, right? And people are very unhappy and they don't know how to break through to their own real happiness. Which is why, you know, it's the age of Aquarius. Let's go. It's the. It's the spiritual revolution that's the next thousand years.

Oh, I just got chills when you said that, because I've definitely been feeling that. It's come up on multiple podcasts, and it's interesting because we live in this world where this kind of Monopoly game, it requires money. So money, I have found to be a very big source of stress in my life at times. And also with most clients that I used to train as well, it was like they were doing the job they didn't really like to do, so they could make the money so they could buy the things so they could then kind of take a breath and give themselves permission to be happy kind of in the future. Yet the way that you talk about career and money in your questions and your exercises with people you work with, it's so different. Can we go to that number five, the career and the money? It's such a very charged topic because it causes so many people to stop breathing.

Oh, my God. I love helping people make an incredible amount of money doing what they love to do. Now, I need you to want however much you want. Like, I don't need your number and my number to be the same ever, right? It's just like, I don't need the number on the scale what makes you happy and what makes me happy. That number is for you alone and for me alone. I just want you to have your number, right? So I care about people being true to themselves and that most humans, honest to God in their heart of hearts, in their soul, know their right answers in each of the 12 areas. And then we're corrupted because of the history that we have, you know, walking on, you know, coming to earth, right? Like, our parents, money issues, our parents, career issues, our reaction to our parents issues, and then coming up with our own concept of it, all, right? Versus money is an area of life. Like, not money is the, you know, the source of all evil. Yeah, Right. No, no. Money is an exchange rate and a currency. Okay. Right. Like, no. Right. It's not that complicated. Right. It's addition. Right. It's math. Right? So I like to strip away all the historic definitions and let the soul, for the first time in their life, have a dream about what they want to fulfill on to be here. Like, screw everybody else in the world. The way my husband and I have created religion and spirituality in my family is we chopped it up for parts and we figured out what we believe in, and we're teaching our kids to chop it up for parts and do what they believe in, right? And then my kids can do whatever the hell they want with it. So I really believe in, like, freedom of thought. And most people don't. That's not what they're teaching in school. If you have never sat down and go, what do you really believe? No, no. Really believe. No, no. Really believe. What do you really want to be true in the area of money in the area, like, regardless of what has happened before you? So that's what I'm doing to people in the book, right? And people in my work is getting them to be the creator not. Well, the story got us this far. Right. Because I'm a Jew, I have to hate the Muslims. Like, ew, Right? Really? No, actually, no. Right. So if I had my way, I would have us all reboot. Right? The biggest reboot ever.

I think so. And I think these exercises you walk people through. And honestly, even the title of your book, think about this phrase, everyone. Maybe it's you. I mean, that alone is an empowering thought. Maybe it's me. What can I do? What can I do? Because I used to go through many different personal development workshops. You know, I would go to, like, workshops on the weekend. I would read a bunch of books and I would do all the things, but I wasn't actually embodying my lessons. You know, I was in the gathering phase. And before we recorded, I was talking about intelligence. You know, we're. We're always at this intersection on the show of physical and emotional intelligence, but intelligence is gathering and applying. So in that middle, Lauren, in that middle, there is somewhat of a self awareness path, which is why I love that you start with relationship to self. So when I think about relationship to self and money, there is a chapter in your book, Emotional DNA dealing the hand you were dealt. And you started off with something beautiful that pertains to where we are in this conversation. You say, no matter how much we love our parents or even how far we've run from them, they provided our basic building blocks. And though we all at some point in our lives giggle or choke at how we're inevitably turning into or sounding like our parents, you ask this question, do we really understand the magnitude of it? Can we talk about this?

Yeah. So the vision of my business, right? If you go, was your grandfather successful? Yes. Was he terribly successful? Yes. You know, where are you at in your vision for yourself and your business? I'm like, I'm right at where my grandfather was and make sense. And so the breakthrough in my own life about money and career and vision, it's like there's a glass ceiling that comes with your history and your lineage. Yeah, right. Like, you can't, like, in their. The level of their marriage. So the most beautiful thing to do is to really understand where you came from and to be in love with it. Like, rather than go, you know, ew, go, oh, hand me the baton. I got it. Like, I'm next. And then if you have children, you're passing it to them. So we're all so, spiritually speaking, we go back to the beginning of time, and in the 12 areas of life. Those are the only subjects on Earth, Right? Right. Like, this is where you get to play. Right? And so what are you gonna do with the fulfillment of your life? To honor your family, to honor those traits, to honor these subject matters and the magnitude of what's possible by being one individual who rocks it.

I'm just sitting here smiling because I'm thinking about how we actually do this. And what's exciting to me is that you've not only proven this model, but it's something that. It's also a work in progress. I'm curious if these 12 will ever be changed, or do you feel so strongly that these. These 12 segments of really life design, lifestyle design are going to be fixed? Do you think those will ever change?

I think that the answer is yes. Yeah, the answer is yes. I think it's a little disturbing how close we still, like, I think we all wish 100 years got, like. Got a lot more done.

Right?

Like, because we only live for maybe around the hundreds, right? And so we really are, like, really, really hurrying, right? And I think that's the sport. So do I think before we might burn down the planet, do I think we'll have a breakthrough in what's possible for humans? The answer is absolutely yes. I believe in humanity. I believe in our hearts. I believe in light, right? I believe that that's what we're here for. Going from dark to light. And there is plenty of dark, right? I mean, we're just starting to prosecute all the priests who, right, like just now, like, that were molesting children. Like, how did they get out of jail? Like, I don't even understand this. So I just go, wow, we got a lot of years to go and I won't be here.

But you are a big ethos for bringing the light. And, you know, this duality of light and dark, love and fear, there's always this duality in everything that we do. And I think the starting point that you give people. I'd love your take on this. Why you actually say the first assignment is for people, if they want a dream, to actually write it down. When you write down the dream in the present tense, and we're specific about writing down a dream in our present tense, that's when it starts to actualize. How did you come up with that process?

So? Well, first of all, I think that that would go back to Neville getting credit right now. It was what I learned from studying Neville Godard, right? Like, it's like, there is no time, There is no path. There is no, there really is creation in this moment. And what you believe is coming, and what you believe you are and what you believe you were are present at this moment, at all times. And so then there really is the right language for connecting to yourself, your soul, your results, and what your life is for. And so the I am. I am in my most beautiful house. It has five beds. Like, the ability to use your imagination. You know, according to Neville, imagination is God, right? God is not like something you pray to outside. We are little gods in here, right? Like, and so our ability to be audacious and wild and create with reality is what we're here to. That's presence of mind. That's presence of creation. And so when you write a dream and you write it in first person and present, I just screwed the past, the future, and I put it all into the present reality. So you have to be with yourself, and then you also have to be with how you think you're lying. Like, oh, my God, you can feel it, right? So I think it is the most, like, I think that's the heart of language. And language is our tool to create images and connect to ourselves. We don't even understand how profound language is, right? We're so busy chatting, it's like yoga and meditation. Gets you to go, hey, pay attention to your breath, right? Like, you have no idea. Everything's located in the breath. Well, I'm like, everything's located in the word.

And in the beginning, there was the word. No matter who you follow, right? Or who you are, in the beginning, there was the word. Everything that we say out of our mouth, our body is listening. You know, the body's the subconscious mind. We had Drew Canole in the show who talked about that. And you know, this magic of who is breathing us. Why are we here? We don't know, but we're as you're leading the charge for enjoying the damn thing. And you just wrote a blog post two days ago. It's called A Little Magic Goes a Long Way. And you said we've all experienced the inexplicable, you know, the lucky, possible, spooky coincidences in our lives. Perhaps you bumped into an old friend you were just thinking about. I've had this before where I've, like, thought about someone and then they text me, or I'm in a coffee shop and I'm thinking about a friend, and then they appear. What do you think this is? And why do you think that magic isn't something that's talked more about?

We are so far from getting. Maybe it's you, right? Like if you go, how far are people, like people really go? It's. It's the government, it's. Everything's outside. It's my mother. It's because I didn't go to college. It's because like everybody's so busy blaming why the world is the way it is versus I am the source of everything in my life. And so that shift, like you can't even get to magic. How do you get to magic? Right? Magic then will sound like crazy woo woo, right? Because if a person isn't present to that, they're the cause in their own life. They're the creator. I don't even want to teach a magic, right? Like the amount of I could teach you what I like. I am nowhere near teaching people what I know about magic and about what's possible, okay? Like I am nowhere near that, right? I do teach clients who've been with me for a while, but I won't teach it to them until they have personal integrity. They actually get all the messes in their life and they've cleaned them all up because they care about who they are and they care about, you know, what I call personal pollution, right? I won't even. But once a person is a really clean vessel, like gets it gets language, gets source, gets there creating their life at moment to moment, that's when you can teach them. Now, now what are you gonna do, baby? Right? Now that you know all, now that you're a clean vessel and now that you understand you're the cause of everything in your life. No, really, Then I can teach you magic because then you can really do things in the world that you can't believe. Which is very, very Wayne Dyer. It's very Wayne Dyer. But Wayne Dyer does, you know, won't work. In my opinion. The Wayne Dyer truths in the world won't work because the vessel still has self loathing, is a liar, never cleaned up their past has hauntings, you know, is in purgatories. Like there are many spiritual crimes. There is karma, right? There's all these things, right? And so you gotta do the work to know yourself and know your history and study yourself. Or else you are never getting to the woo woo.

Yeah. And I like the woo woo. It's funny we have to say this. It actually kind of triggers me a little bit when people say I'm about to go woo woo, Josh. And I'm like, listen, we go woo woo here on Wellness Force all the time. Like just go there. Because everything we do, Lauren. I believe to be spiritual, whether it's business or relationships or leaving contribution to the planet. This lack of spirituality, though, I do see it as we're in a spiritual crisis. Now, whether that's empowering or not, I think it's just something that I go from where I see the void all around. I'm looking for the evidence for spirituality to be in our life, in our environment, but I'm not seeing it as much as I'd like to. What do you think that is?

First of all, I agree 100%. Like, I double down on exactly what you just said, and I even think I'm converting people to being present to their souls. Like, I am repackaging and remarketing the soul to the soul so it can wake up and recognize the soul.

I love that even with that mindset of gathering the evidence that a spirituality does exist and that, you know, these pieces are here to see support us, I still see with my logical mind and eyes that this spiritual connection is not present. And my curiosity to you is, how do we go from there? How do we transcend that?

Well, I think the. The amount of outrage that we're all feeling, you know, it was like, so I live in the city, right? And no matter how screwed up it was for 911 to happen, like. Like the worst thing ever on earth, the way people were connected to each other after that happened, like, everyone was friends, everyone cared, everyone was present with each other. Everyone. Like, the amount of help we all wanted to give each other in Manhattan for being in Manhattan, right, Was like, revolutionary in my experience. So it's the crisis that in the sickest way, I'm sorry, it's true, but the more the crisis, the more the union. So the more upset we're getting, the more it will wake us up to need something to solve it. And so I think you screaming, bloody murder, where's the spirit? I go, yes, exactly. Bloody murder. Where's the spirit? Right? And that's what we're doing now. Because there's a line in. I'm a Jew, right? So Jewish mysticism plays a lovely role in my life. And one of the lines from the Talmud that I quote, someone hopefully won't call me and go, that. They never said that. But it could be true, guys. So bear with me. But so one of the lines that I was trained in and taught was, when will the Messiah show up? When everybody believes he's coming, right? No shit, right. Like, when will the world change? When everyone believes it can, right? And then how does that start within yourself. Right? So we. No one believes. Everyone believes in the shit show. Everyone believes the world's a mess. Everyone believes nobody cares. Every, like we're in a lot of trouble because no one believes it's all coming to turn out, except maybe you and me. You and me and everybody listening right now.

Yes, we're in the knowing. And it's interesting where we find ourselves at the end of our conversation because I'm. I'm sensing from you that we just got started. I think you have so much more to say and it's in the book. So these 12 steps, I am going to list them out quickly because I went through the inventory. I'm going to be talking about them in our weekly Facebook live. Guys, go to wellnessforce.com group. We're going through these 12 Lauren. Relationship to self, body, love, spirituality, which we went into today quite a bit. Career and money, time, home, family, friends. And then the last three, fun and adventure, community and contribution. These 12 inventory blocks, these are the ones that Lauren has proved over two decades with her clients, stemming from the most wonderful, powerful CEOs to probably just an everyday person who wants to squeeze the juice out of life. Lauren, though, this number 12 contribution, what is your contribution when you leave? I'm curious how you see your legacy when you're not on this rock in the middle of outer space anymore.

I. I want my work to change the world for the next. I'm. I'm like, stay for 1,000 years. Right? Like, I do enough. Good. Oh, you want to hear the craziest thing I've ever said that I really, really mean?

I like that. Yes.

Okay. You know how. Ew. It's going to be really gross. Everybody bear with me. I want to match as dark as Hitler was on Earth. I want to be that much light. I want to match that person on light side. Like, I want to do as much. I want to balance the equation on that. Like, that's how much good I want to leave on Earth. And I think leaving good on earth means. Means tapping people into what's possible in their lives. Right? So the amount I want to, like, you know, I need a lot more people to read that book and to find out that it's in them. Right. But. But that's my game. Yeah, right. Like match match dark. Come on.

And I love this. I love how you said I want to equal the amount of light that I've seen as dark. Because, gosh, we need that so much right now. Lauren, thank you so much for coming on the Show. I just have this last question for you and it's at this point intersection of the physical and the emotional. And let's be honest, the spiritual is there as well. How would you define wellness? What's your definition of wellness in your life?

That you're being true to yourself, you're not lying about anything and you don't have to and you don't need to and that you are proud of how you live, you're proud of yourself. Anyone could watch you. You teach it to anyone. You love your life, right? You love how you eat, you love how you treat people. You love what you're doing, you love how you see the world and you love what you give to the world, right? That's. Well, you are. Well, you are a happy human. You are proud of your life. Whatever it is. I don't care what it is.

Oh, I've had so many moments of smiling and deep breaths in this conversation. The book is maybe it's yous cut the crap, face your fears, love your life. Also the book is a starting point in this journey of really understanding who you are. You have Inner U. This is a course where people can go through. I think it's like 15 hours of audio coaching and 50 plus written assignments. Community chat if you guys are interested. If you're feeling inspired, just use the code Wellness475. Lauren was generous enough to give us 75 bucks off the subscription level. Tell people a little bit in your own words about the interview.

Funny enough, the reason I know San Diego well is cause when I recorded it, I recorded it there and it took, I think it took me 16 weeks to record the interview that that I have right now up and then it's all my sessions that I would do with an individual and tell my stories and then the homework assignment. And then the truth is also is that I'm rerecording it right now. So even if you buy the one right now, you'll get the new one in March or you know, somewhere next year. And what it is is it's literally the stories I tell. So you transform by listening to the communication. And I walk you through through how to do the whole method. And I even have client stories and because it's all just so true, like really the hardcore messes of what everybody's been through and all the changes, it resonates, right? It like rips through it like it changes your life. We've gotten incredible feedback if you'll do it for how much it really changes you and really rewires You. Yeah.

There's four parts to this too. Get your dream on, dig deep, head on in, and then step. Last one's the beginning. This is like where you actually take everything you've learned, you apply it. How does the accountability work with this? I'm curious from my own mindset, how do you keep people accountable to the inner you?

I teach promises and consequences for everything. Right? If you want to keep a promise and you're not reliable for keeping it, you need a consequence. A consequence is not a punishment. It's you don't get your drink tonight, that's not a punishment. Okay. You don't get your chocolate tonight, right? You don't get to whatever your vice is. You don't get to place words with friends. Right. Whatever it is. So I promise and a consequence. And you have to tell someone, right? And usually the best person to tell is your kid or your best friend, someone who cares about that area. I teach that. Whether and if you're willing to do that, we post it on interview. We also have a coach that shows up every week once you buy the series. And then you even get a buddy, right? You can buddy up with people. So it really is a community of people changing their lives together, which is also something, you know, I think people want to meet good people. And so I built Inner U so people can meet each other. And I have what's called a promise tracker, an integrity promise tracker. Right. And so if you're not willing to keep promises and deal with this, you know, this program is not for you. Ah.

And that's honest. And I've appreciated your honesty so much in this podcast. Lauren, thank you for sharing your gifts with us and honestly doing what you do in this world. It's so needed right now and we just want to give you a deep breath and a bow and acknowledge the work that you put out in our wellness world. So thank you for coming on the show.

Oh my God. And you are a rock star. Thank you for having me.

My pleasure.

Really.

Hey, my friend, thank you for out hanging, hanging out and growing with me today. Everything you learned on this podcast starts with your morning practices. So from over 200 world class guests and counting, we've distilled the gems, the best of the best science backed practices down into a 21 minute morning system guaranteed to increase the positive flow in your day. Get this free and powerful 21 minute life changing system over@wellnessforce.com M21 if you enjoyed this episode, tap your phone, share it with someone you care about, because that is how we all get better together. Supporting the show is easy. Leave us a five star review right now from your phone. It helps us reach other smart and conscious people like you. Either tap your phone and hit the link in purple that says review this podcast or go to wellnessforce.com review. And this show doesn't stop here. We're continuing the discovering process in our private Facebook group. You can be a part of it. All you have do to do is go to wellnessforce.com group and I'll welcome you at the door. Okay. Now you get to go out into your world and live your life well. So until I see you again real soon, I'm wishing you love and wellness.