277 Christine Hassler: How To Access Your Inner Coach

For me, whenever I'm looking for control or certainty, I know that's really not my inner coach. That's more my ego trying to keep me in my comfort zone. Whenever I'm really not looking for a result, but I'm willing to be present and accept what is and work with it. That's my inner coach. So the ego is always looking for a result. The inner coach isn't looking for a result. You can call inner coach, higher self, inner wisdom, whatever you want to call it, your inner parent. That part of you is being with what is, accepting what is and going, all right, how do we learn from this?

That's Christine Hassler. This is episode 277 of Wellness Force Radio where we discover the physical and emotional intelligence to live life well. Welcome back to the podcast, my friend. It's Josh Trent. Today is a beautiful day. No matter where you are, what you're doing, you could be sitting in your car, you could be walking outside. This is a great day to have a great day. We have Christine Hassler coming back on the show recorded live at Paleo FX in Austin, Texas at the Sunlight and Media booth. Have you guys done the sauna yet? I was going to one of my gym here, locally called Eos and I tried this sunlighten brand which was totally changed the game forever. Something cool about saunas, they increase detoxification, which is perfect for somebody who's losing weight because a lot of times when people are letting go of old weight, what they don't realize is there can be a toxin buildup in the fat stores deep within the lipids. And sweating is one of the top ways to increase detoxification. Plus sweating just feels amazing. It's one of my all time favorite stress reductions to do by myself and it's a way of practicing self love. So now I'm hooked. And Sunlight and generously offered to give Wellness Force free shipping on any of their saunas. All you have to do is go to wellnessforce.com sauna s a u n a and use the code wellnessforce@wellnessforce.com sauna when you use that code wellnessforce, you get free shipping on your brand new detox box. Give it a test drive. I think you'll really enjoy sweating at night and in the mornings. If you're the kind of person who loves self care, this is one of the ultimate ways to do it. Okay, question. Have you been to Texas? Have you been there? They have Lady Bird Lake and all these amazing outdoor activities. And my return guest today, Christine Hassler is actually An Austin native. This is a really cool show because this is the first time I interviewed her in Texas. The first time we talked, we overlooked the ocean in Encinitas over a year ago, way before she was engaged to my now great friend and her fiance, Stefanos Sifondos, a previous guest on the show. In this episode with Christine, we talked about this metaphor of accessing your inner coach, which is a unique way to apply innate wisdom to the 3D world. But what the heck do I actually mean by that? I mean, it's a way to tell if the stories we tell ourselves are true. The ones that say you should be fearful, you lack worthiness, you're not good enough. We know on some level these simply aren't true. But how do we actually use our internal coach, our guidance system, to rewrite the new story? Well, Christine is showing us because she's an absolute powerhouse at this exact modality, teaching people how to rewrite the new stories. As a dynamic speaker, she travels the country. You heard her talk about the Expectation Hangover, her first book last year on Wellness Force. But in this show, I want to drop a quote in your ear to inspire you for the next 45 minutes with Christine, she says, whenever I'm looking for control or certainty, I know that's not really my inner coach. And it's more of my ego trying to keep me in my comfort zone whenever I'm not really looking for a result, but I'm willing to be present, accept what is, and work with it. That's my inner coach. So the ego is always looking for a result, but the inner coach is not. The inner coach is looking for being with what is, accepting what is, and finding out what you can learn from it. You can learn more about Christine at the Show Notes page with the top 10 links and resources from this podcast at wellnessforce.com 277 now let's drop in with the one and only Christine Hassler.

Now this. We are flying high. Christine Hassler, welcome.

We literally are.

We are on. We're six feet in the air, first of all.

Maybe more.

We're at the Sunlighten booth. Thank you, Sunlighten, for letting us record here.

Thank you.

High above the entire crowd. Yeah. How are you feeling in Texas? You're actually from Texas.

I'm feeling at home. Grew up in Dallas, but then family moved to Austin. I love being here. And I can't believe in all my years of coming to Austin, this is my first paleo effect that blows me.

Away because it feels so grounded. And so you here at this conference.

It does. It has a good vibe. I was at south by Southwest about a month ago and that's just overwhelming. It was just too much for the little introvert in me who was like, whoa, there are like a gazillion people here. But this feels way more intimate. I really love the like minded vibe. You can feel that people here really want to learn and really want to grow. I love it. It's feeling really good. My stomach feels a little weird because I've had so many free samples, but other than that, it's amazing.

I love this conference. This is my favorite one all year because there is this element of groundedness here and spirituality. And it's funny, like you'd think at a paleo conference that it'd be like all about the tools and all about like the things where we can hack our health and hack our life. But what I wanted to jam with you about was like, what's actually behind the tool? Yeah, what's behind the tool that people either are going towards or running from? Right. So people know you from the over and on with it podcast. Like you've been on the show before. One of my favorite podcasts.

Oh, mine too.

So fun.

Mine too.

And. But what do you think about this coming in here? What are you seeing, like, you know, today, this morning? Are people running from something or are they running to something? What do you think that is?

I think probably both. And the thing about tools is, tools are an effective tool as long as you're not using it for a quick fix or as long as you're not using it to avoid dealing with the wrong problem. You know, so you can go keto and take all the gut supplements that are here, but if you don't deal with the fact that you've swallowed your feelings since you were three years old and you have lots of anxiety from repressing all of your deepest feelings and thoughts, then you, the tool may give you some temporary relief. But then you're just going to be looking for the next tool because you haven't dealt with the emotional level. If you haven't noticed, we're not just a body now. We have emotions, we have a mind.

I've noticed and I feel that here because there is this strong sense of community here. And yeah, you could say that with any movement or following, but there is something like there's a pulse of a heart here that's just different. Do you feel that? What do you feel like that is?

I do, and I just can't. So I'm the Master coach for Primal Health Coach Institute. So I teach their health coaches, and what I love so much about that certification program is, you know, Mark Sisson came to me and said, hey, we've got all the science and we can teach them how to eat Primal and we can teach them so much about their body. But we want to teach our health coaches how to coach people about their life too, because so much of their health is impacted by their relationships. Not just their current relationships, but relationships in the past, their stories, their thoughts, everything. And spending two days with health coaches who were diving deeper into their own life and how they could have tools to help their clients better. I was so inspired, and that's what I feel like. The heartbeat and the pulse here is that people don't only want to make a difference in their own life. They're not just looking for a hack, they actually want to make an impact. So many people here, innovators. I can't believe I'm getting an IV as I'm talking.

This is amazing. We want to give a shout out. What is the name of the company? Slenderella usa. Slenderella USA is giving us, you guys live IV therapy during the podcast. First time ever for me. Have you ever gotten a podcast and IV at the same time?

No. No. I'm like, actually a little nervous.

She's about to get stuck with a.

Needle and chew gum at the same time. Can I complete this thought?

Well, this is a perfect moment because there's this essence of community. Even on the biohacking panel this morning, we talked about, like, community as a biohack itself and this term biohacking, like, understanding the hack. What do you feel about the even word hack? Do you think it can be positive? Do you think that hack is a negative?

Well, I think it depends on how you relate to it. If you're looking for a shortcut, if you're looking for a quick fix, if you're looking for, ooh, there's my stick. Yikes. If you're looking for it to just be like, I don't really wanna do the work. Like, I don't wanna work out. I just wanna take this supplement and that's gonna. Then I think it's a detriment because you just hack and hack and hack. However, if you're looking at a hack of, hey, I want to take. I want to learn from the best research. I want to learn from the people who've studied this for years and years and years and years. I want to learn about. Because kind of, to me, what hacking has Become is there's so much about the human experience that we don't know about. We're just now learning within the past. I don't even know how many years that we shouldn't be looking at blue light and, like, what that does to our brain. So there's hacking as well. It's a shortcut, and I hope this fixes whatever my ailment is. But then there's a hacking as I want the best information to live my optimized life. And I think that kind of hacking is amazing.

Hey, man. And everything's information. I mean, the hieroglyphics were information. So we're taking in all these different stimuli, all these different tools. And one of the things I'm really fascinated by here at the conference is getting people to start because there's so many, quote, things they could do. But where do they actually begin? And I'm curious, with all the work you've done with Primal, where do people. Is there a common thread of where they all start in that journey?

Yeah, I think. Well, it's kind of what motivates the start. I think what begins most people's journey towards more optimized health and well being is what I like to call an expectation hangover. Something happens and something doesn't go as planned or something unexpected. Anything from a breakup to a diagnosis where your life isn't optimized, where you have a struggle, you have a problem, and you can't find the answer. And that's the common place for so many of us. We have to sometimes fall on our face or have a massive expectation hangover before we start to think differently about things and look for different solutions.

Yeah. James Swanwick was on the stage and he was talking about his personal life during the biohacking panel. And I thought, oh, this is beautiful. Because why do we actually be attracted to hacking or to doing these things in the first place? It's because we're at point A and we want to get to point B, and there's something longing in our heart to get us there. Yet I think the health journey for most people starts when they're pretty sick.

Yeah.

You've had health journeys on your own? Well, yeah, I mean, quite tremendously.

Quite tremendously. I mean, I was put on Prozac at 11. So so much of my story, you know, the story I told myself about myself is that I was broken, that something was wrong with me. And then I had. I had migraines, I had ibs, I had autoimmune stuff. I had hormonal stuff. So becoming healthy and learning about health was a necessity. Now it's a choice because I just love learning.

And you have fun with it.

And I totally have fun with it. Okay, you're about to get your iv.

It's so awesome.

And to. Can we do this side? Yeah.

But for me, if I hadn't dealt with the emotional level at the same time as I was dealing with the physical level, I think I'd still be struggling with so many of the things. Like, for example, with depression. Yes, getting off of gluten was super important. Eating a more Paleo primal diet definitely helped. I can feel if I have gluten, I can feel the chemicals in my brain shift. But I don't think for me, and honestly, for most people, that would have done it completely, I had to deal with, okay, why, at 11 years old, was I keeping all my feelings inside? You know, why was I depressed? And that's really my work, you know, that's my passion, is helping people really heal their past. Because you can eat all the, you know, you can go in the infrared sauna, and you can have the light therapy, and you can get an iv, but it's not. Not going to take away the pain from feeling like your father never loved you or that your mother hit you or that you had this breakup 20 years ago that you haven't ever healed. It'll physically make you feel a little better. But if you really want to be optimized as a human being, you got to hit all levels.

God, the gravitas of what you're saying is so heavy because there are so many things here that are like, neck up, like devices and tools. Is there any conversations here that you're either or that you're looking forward to beyond ours? I'm like, this is the highlight beyond this one, where we're getting people down to the core of the emotional part of this transformation. Because whether it's Primal Paleo or however you want to eat or live in your life, if those things aren't dealt with their repercussions, no tool will fix those repercussions.

Yeah, well, that's why I'm so honored and passionate about teaching Primal health coaches is because yesterday they all broke up into trios and they coached each other on the emotional level. They all played the role of the coach, the client, and then they had an observer watching and evaluating, and it was so amazing to see the dots connected to. Wow. I can help my clients and myself better if I'm willing to go to the emotional Level. Because the thing is, emotions make us uncomfortable not only while we're the one having it, but also while we're the one witnessing someone having it. So either when we see someone having an emotional release or emotional experience, those of us that are fixers and rescuers are like, you're okay, let me just fix it. You make it better. Those of us that have walls up and just aren't in touch with our own emotions are like, okay, this is awkward. Let me tell a joke. Let me change this.

Let me get out of this feeling.

Let me get out of this feeling. Or let's just go drink, or let's just go numb ourselves in some way. So it's about being comfortable with the emotions. And so I'm looking forward, I just got here and I'm really looking forward to popping into some of these places and having this deeper conversation.

Huge shout out to PaleoFX for putting on this event. I mean, can you imagine throwing an event this big? How much patience that would take? Yeah, patience as a virtue.

Yeah.

I think about how many people it took to make this happen. How many stories come together. The element of tying threads between men and women that actually care. We're in a massive period of consciousness leveling.

I was just talking about this yesterday, like how I'm so glad I'm alive at this time.

We're so fortunate.

I really think this is gonna. We look back in history and there's, you know, things like the Industrial revolution and the Renaissance. We're gonna know this as a time of awakening.

Yes.

The time of consciousness, of the time of people, like really getting a clue.

Why do you think that actually is that we're awakening so much right now compared to other times?

Oh, you know, I could guess. I don't really know. I think it's the momentum of the human experience. I think, you know, if I go super spiritual or. Woo woo. I think most of us have been here before and we made an agreement to come back around this time after the human species had evolved to a certain point. Because what. In order for us to. And ooh, this is just. I'm going to go Encinitas and say I'm getting a download right now.

Yeah, let's go. Let's download.

So what I'm is in order for us to do the kind of work and the consciousness work that we're doing right now, we needed to live in a world where basic survival skills were taken care of. We needed to live in a world where we felt. Felt safe enough to dive into these Things because when we were still living in survival. I need food, I need shelter. I don't feel safe in the world. There's war, there's not enough money in the world. Then we're still in the reptilian part of our brain, the amygdala is firing. And the other parts of our brain that really elevate our consciousness and have us look at these deeper issues can't be activated because we're in pure survival. So I think we needed to get to a time in civilization and in human evolution where for the most part, we were, quote, unquote, safe enough to look a little deeper.

Yes. Oh, and the weight of what you're saying for me is like, when I was a young child, emotional intelligence. This conversation we're having, it was so not even thought about ever. Like, not ever. And I think I'd like to piggyback on what you said. I think it's because with the consumption of mass media and how much information is out there, it's harder to lie now. It's harder to actually lie. Like the truth is coming up. It's more defeated than ever.

Yeah.

And I think about the narrative that you have with over it and on with it. Like, the expectation hangover is real. It's real for a lot of people.

It is.

And it's the hangover that people don't want to feel or deal with that kind of take them away from actually experiencing the richness of life.

Yeah, you've got to go through it to get over it. You know, that's really my work in the world is helping people with the through part. And I can say, you know, I really started well. I saw my first shrink at 11. I saw my first real coach. That really was my first teacher at 21. So I've been doing this for a bit. And I will say that my time between expectation hangovers gets longer and the time I spend suffering in them gets shorter, but stuff still comes up. I'll give an example. So I'm engaged. You know, my fiance.

That's right. Shout out to Stephanos.

I waited a long time for him, like nine years. And I just am so in love with this man. And I'm watching you cut this. This is with an vitamin I. Okay, so, Josh, we're multitasking guys. Took some kind of pliers or wrench.

This is live tool. That's right.

And cut down the banner with a vitamin iv.

Now we can all see. Hello, everyone.

Now we can see everyone. So anyway, he was out of town a couple Weekends ago, with no service.

You.

He was facilitating something called Sacred Sons. He was so excited about it. And Josh, I had tremendous fear and panic come up that he was gonna die. Like, I don't know where it was from, and I didn't, but now I do. It was like I finally let someone in. Like, I finally have someone in my life that I love so deeply. Like, he's broken through all my walls.

Yes. And you. And you got to do a lot of work before he came in.

I remember saying that when he came in. And then we did work together, you know, and in October, our relationship kind of blew up, and both our stuff came up, but we were willing to do the work independently and together. And so my defense, like all my old defenses and strategies are down. And one of my defenses to protect myself was, well, I just won't get too close. Because if you don't get too close to me, then if you ever go, or if you ever break my heart, then it won't be so bad. But if I really let you in, then not only am I at risk for more heartbreak, but if anything ever happens, happens to you, oh, no. So I came face to face with this, and this was something that I had as a little kid. I was very attached to my mom. You could say Imesh, perhaps. And when my parents would go out on dates, they'd have to call home and tell me, you know, we're still alive, because I would go into panic. So this came back around, and, you know, the temptation was, well, let me just distract myself. Let me meditate, or let me go hang out with my friends, or let me just visualize him being over, okay? And I was just counting down the hours till he got back. And I thought, I can't let him be the medicine for my anxiety. Otherwise, every time he goes away, I'm going to be like, ah, you know, and that's very human. We look for the solution in another person or something outside ourselves. But the solution is never outside of ourselves. The solution is always inside ourselves. So Saturday night, and I really, you know, he's coming home the next day. And the other thing is, I didn't to want. Want him to come home to a needy, scared little girl. I wanted him to come home to his woman. And so coach Christine came in, and she's like, you just got to go straight into this fear and anxiety because you're trying. You're doing everything you can to resist it. And I was doing the super conscious tools to resist it, like meditation, visualization.

I'm going to go for a walk.

I'm going to change my state, all that kind of stuff. But I just went into it and I just went into all that fear and cried and just let my feel it and felt nauseous and felt gross. But eventually like I got, I found little, that little Christine who was scared in there and I nurtured her because she was the one that was scared, not the grown at me. Right.

It's so powerful that you said we cannot allow ourselves to make other people our specific medicine. No, like let's let that land for a moment because that's big. How many relationship dynamics are set up where without that person being or acting a certain way, the man or the woman on the other side can't be themselves?

Well, yeah, and we're straight into codependence, which is not a conscious way to have a relationship.

What's the unraveling of that look like? Like once you've identified that, how do you unravel from there?

Well, first it looks really romantic, you.

Know, it's kind of Cinderella's story.

Is it?

You act this way, I'll act that way.

It's like our agreement. And you complete me and I complete you. And when you're together, you make me happy. And so we're projecting all these expectations and our ego likes it too. Cause it's like, oh wow, this person really needs me. But how that can look one year, five year, 10 years down the road is one resentment. Because if I don't feel, and I know this about Stefanos and I know this about men, and this is actually true for me too. If he doesn't feel free in the relationship, if he doesn't feel free to be himself, free to go do his things. Like today he's on some 10, 12 hour hike in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone service. I'm like, oh, you're really giving me a run for my money here with this worry.

He's testing your theory.

Exactly. If he doesn't, he's going to resent me down the road. And if I project my needs on him or vice versa, then I miss out on a deeper relationship with myself and I miss out on stepping into my full potential. Because if we're outsourcing our needs, our happiness to anything outside of us, then we really don't have that access point to our full potential. Because until we can really be there for ourselves and catch on ourselves and know we can get our needs met. Now that said, I do believe it. In a relationship, people meet Each other's needs, you know, I don't believe in. I fulfill all my needs, and you're just here with me.

And this is why certain people match, is because they genuinely are just being themselves. And there's a match there.

Exactly.

But it's not everything.

It's not everything. You've got to. For me in my relationship, I notice whenever I'm expecting him to make me feel a certain way or to do something in order to make me feel a certain way or ease anxiety or anything like that, that's where I've got to turn the mirror back around and look at myself.

Yeah.

This concept of the inner coach is powerful.

We all have it.

Becoming the inner coach. The nuances with this, though, inner coach versus ego, trying to be in control. Because isn't there a slippery slope on both sides? Because I can see your point. Being an inner coach is empowering, but it could also be dangerous because then the ego could say, well, I'm in control and I'm going to be your inner coach.

Yeah. Yeah.

How do you decipher the two?

The ego's super sneaky.

The ego is a sneaky little bastard.

Sneaky.

We love the ego, though. He's our he or she's our ego.

Safe. And the ego and the inner critic, they like to hang out together a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, for me, whenever I'm looking for control, more certainty, I know that's really not my inner coach. That's more my ego trying to keep me in my comfort zone whenever I'm really not looking for a result. But I'm willing to be present and accept what is and work with it. That's my inner coach. So the ego is always looking for a result. The inner coach isn't looking for a result. You can call it inner coach, higher self, inner wisdom, whatever you want to call it, your inner parent. That part of you isn't looking for a result. That part of you is being with what is, accepting what is and going, all right, how do we learn from this? How do we learn from this? So that's the distinction for me.

And what hit for me was thinking about, oh, am I. Am I focused on managing a symptom like with the ego control, or is it something where I'm actually just stoking my resilience and just being with whatever it is that is not always easy. Easier said than done.

Yeah. Do you have a recent example when that happened to you?

Yeah. Well, actually, coming here, I had a sinus infection for a long time, and I was like, okay, you know, I haven't taken antibiotics in 10 years. It's been 10 years. This is crazy. You're putting me on the spot on my own show. I love this. And so I just decided like, well, look, I get to do a lot of things while I'm here, like, moderate panels and do podcasts and all these things I want. And I have a desire to show up fully me. So I actually took antibiotics before I came to PaleoFX because I thought this is gonna support me. It's allowed me to be present. My nose hasn't been pounding me and sending me into hell.

Yeah.

So that was a decision where my inner coach was different than the ego, because the ego could have said, you know what, I'm going to paleo. What if people knew that I took antibiotics? No way.

They wouldn't let you in.

They'd be like, he's not allowed. He takes western medical angles. But, like, we're all doing the best we can.

Yeah.

And so the best that I can is, I guess, my attunement to what you're talking about, whether it's the coach or the ego.

Yeah.

What about you? I'm curious for you.

Well, the example I just shared was a big one. You know, just the ego wanted to control it. The ego wanted to. Well, and also the ego wanted to shame me for it and tell me that I was, I was weak and I just needed to be stronger. And, you know, I've done so much work and, you know, that's where personal growth arrogance can come in a little bit too.

Do you ever feel pressure because of your, I guess you could say stature or vantage point within personal development, wellness, there's got to be pressure that you feel sometimes to like, look perfect or be perfect. This is a human thing.

Yeah.

Well, it wouldn't be pressure anyone else is putting on me. It would all be self imposed kind of pressure. And I do, and I usually am able to see it pretty quickly. And one thing that, that I always come back to is I teach from what I've learned myself. And my best teachings, my best books, my best experience retreat, they come from my own personal struggles. And so although I don't believe we have to keep struggling and suffering to learn, I do believe that we're always fine tuning our experience. And when we're never done, you know, because we're still here, as long as we're still alive, we're still growing, and we'll consistently bring opportunities to go to the next level. But when I'm in it and this is one thing I've really had to learn, is to reach out for help, and not just to people I pay who are confidential, but, like, to reach out to my friends. To reach out. And when I was in this, you know, thing of just panic a couple weekends ago, I reached out to a sister circle I'm a part of, and I just said I would love some help. Like, I'm really, really struggling. And so I've taken. I did that for a while. I mean, I've been doing this 15 years now. And definitely in the beginning, I put that expectation on myself that, like, I was supposed to have it all together. And meanwhile, I'm teaching people not to, you know, to get over perfection. And I'm the one, you know, doing it. So it's. I bring my awareness to it.

I have a feeling that as you grow and as you go through your own struggles, that you will be authentically sharing more. Oh, sure. This is, like the core of who you are. Looking at what you're creating with Stephanos now, what scares you about that? What brings the most fear out of intimate relationship? And the reason I ask is because intimate relationship is the ultimate container for growth, whether it's inner or outer health.

It's losing him. And I don't have any fears about him cheating or leaving or any of that. And I think that comes down to. He's embodied so much the work that he's done, and that's really what I was calling it. Like somebody who had done the work and knows themselves, and when the shit hits the fan, have the tools.

I remember over a year and a half ago, we were sitting at your beach house doing the podcast, and I asked you, why do you think that the one hasn't been called in yet? And you said, well, I'm doing my work and I know who I am, and I'll know when he gets here. And I was like, boom. And then it happened. Well, and then it happened. It straight up happened.

It did. It took a while, but, yeah, eventually it did.

What do you think for people that are listening, like, what did you cultivate within you that called in this person so much?

I think a big thing was being the kind of partner to myself that I wanted. And it wasn't every day, but I was consistently becoming more loving, having more fun, having more pleasure in my life with me, really just enjoying my own.

Did you go date yourself?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, dated myself, dated others. Like, just let myself explore both myself and what I wanted. Did tons of work. But honestly, the thing, Josh, that really I think was the thing is I surrendered it. And I went out on my patio New Year's Eve right before I was having to move out of my old place, and I said, all right, you know, God, whoever, listening, obviously, my picker's off. Like, I don't know, like. Because as much as I thought I had surrendered it, I still was. I had attachment to the way I wanted it to look. Not just physically how I wanted him to look, but, like, the kind of man I thought would be best for me. And so I said, this scares me. This really scares me, but I am completely letting go of control. You pick. You pick the person that's best aligned for me, and I'm just going to get out of the way and live my life, and I'm gonna stop trying. So I stopped swiping, I stopped looking, I threw away all my lists, and I really just surrendered it. And I think that, you know, after doing all the work and dating myself and cleaning up old relationships and stuff like that, that level of surrender and detachment was the thing that really called it in.

That's probably the most terrifying point for any man or woman, is to actually release the white knuckle and be like, it's not in my control anyways.

Yes. Cause people would tell me, christine, it might not look like what you think. And I'm like, but which part of what I think is it not gonna look like? Like, is he gonna be 40 years older? Is he gonna be 5 inches shorter than me? Or is he gonna, like, well, you.

Have certain criteria, like, there's certain men that you would never consider so.

Well, Right. But this is where surrender and faith came in, and I got had to put my ego aside is, you know, my belief system is the universe is a loving place, and the universe is all always cheering for our highest good. We just sort of slow it down or get in the way with our own mind and our own wounding. And if I truly do believe that, then I've got to really trust the universe.

And in a way, it's almost making us, as a soul, as a human, a antenna to receive whatever is coming. And the reverse engineering is like, wait a minute, so do I just get to get out of the way?

Yes.

Is that what really this is about, is us getting out of the way?

It is. And it's not just about. That's not just about relationships with anything.

All elements of life.

All this was. This is health. I had a terrible back and neck injury from a yucky chiropractor. Adjustment. And I was so trying to fix it and so trying to fix it and float tanks and this and that. Doing all the things that are here, you know?

Yes.

And finally, I just accepted it. I was like, all right, neck and back pain. If you're going to be with me for the rest of my life, I surrender. I accept it. And not in a resignation way, but just. And I kept resisting it. And then it cleared.

It was that level of surrender, like overnight or progressively? Pretty much.

Pretty much.

See, how can we even explain that with science?

I have no idea.

There's no way to explain that with science.

No idea. And I think that happens with, you know, people. You hear it all the time. People trying to get pregnant, doing fertility treatment after, and then they adopt and they give up on it, and then they get pregnant. People with businesses, they hustle, hustle, hustle. Their business fails and they give up, and then, boom, an opportunity comes in. And so, you know, and I don't have the recipe for how much action you take and how much you surrender. I knew for me, like, using the relationship example, I couldn't say that prayer and then sit in my house and expect, like, Amazon to deliver my guy. You know, I had to go out and, like, be in the world. And that's what I did. I started to follow the flow. You know, I put my stuff in storage, even though I didn't want to. I traveled around. I just started really following the flow and stopped being so addicted to planning and knowing and certainty. And I think we can apply that in any aspect of our life. Is that high involvement and intention, but low attachment. You know, whether. I'm sure you've seen that with work, like, the tighter you grip onto this podcast and wanting to have certain guests, the harder it is to get them. But when you are in the flow and you're just doing your thing and you love it, then it's like, oh, look who wants to be guests.

I love that you said that. I mean, this is a pivotal moment for me, like moderating a panel with Dave Asprey and Dan Pardi, all my friends and really mentors that I've looked up to for, like, five years more. And then here I'm on a stage leading a conversation with that. And, you know, that actually came, like you said, when I just let go of expectation. And I can't really explain it with words, but the energy of what you're saying, I feel in my body. And you know what it feels like? It just feels like what life is supposed to be. It Feels like, like you said, we've been here before. Yeah, it feels like that. That feeling. How do we cultivate more of that feeling in our lives?

Well, if we name that feeling, to me it feels like contentment, it feels like presence, it feels like peace. And I realized that recently. Cause for the first time in my life, I feel really peaceful. Really peaceful. And I was like, wow, this is the feeling I've been chasing all these years.

Interesting.

It's just this really exciting acceptance of there's really nothing in my life I want to fix or change. Yeah, there's certain things here and there, but I'm really just content. It's not like this, like I'm on cloud nine and I'm super happy and like I have moments of happiness. My emotional state isn't necessarily a flat line, but there's this deep sense of peace. And what I think it comes down to, Josh, is alignment. I think it comes down to, I feel like I am expressing myself in the way that feels most authentic to me. And I've created and attracted opportunities and people that are my soul, family that are most align in alignment with me. So it's like there's a. There's a resonance, right. There's a frequency of everything around me that's, that's giving me that feeling of peace.

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You checked in with everyone here, every single person, everyone here has somewhat of a dream and this conference in some way is moving them closer to that dream. These, these stacking of the environment. I've heard Sean Stevenson talk about this so much stack the environment in your favor. But with emotions, it's not always as easy as it is with tools. Is there a certain stack of tools that you put around yourself to keep yourself emotionally grounded, to keep yourself centered?

Well, the first set of tools is making sure that I'm checking in to my emotions and how I'm feeling. And I'm not just living neck up because I'm definitely a recovering overachiever doer. Neck up.

Do you think that'll always be there, that recovering?

No, no. I think what will always be there is my desire to create.

Yeah.

But I think that was underneath a desire to prove myself to the world. And as I've navigated through my own insecurities and come into more self acceptance and I don't feel like that 14 year old girl who's trying to prove that she fits. It comes up from time to time but it doesn't run the show as much anymore. So I think there will always be like now it's more service, now it's I just want to connect with people. I want to share what I've learned, I want to teach, I want to share the tools. But since the design, as I call it, the compensatory strategy of overachieving to prove something is gone, I think that's kind of making its way out. But for me it's really that checking in, seeing like what, what am I feeling? And if there is something off, if I am feeling anger or sadness or not resisting it, like accepting it, being like okay, anger or sadness, there's you have a message for me, what is it? And being willing to sit with it. And I teach a bunch of tools on how to deal with emotions. Everything from release writing to what I call the temper tantrum technique. But the overall is allowing yourself to feel it without judgment.

That is the big one.

Without analysis.

Yes.

And without an attachment to fixing it.

I'm flashing back to Michael Gervais and huge psychologist in the sports world and he talks about really what presence is, is awareness without judgment. Like that's true presence and presence is a gift. Yet if there's no Work that's done, like, if someone's showing up and they're not fully present, it can feel like our own personal hell.

Yeah.

It can be so uncomfortable. Have you done work specifically on clients? Can you share a story maybe of someone or even, I don't know, maybe even a friend or a family member of somebody that you've helped deal with? A personal hell?

Oh, gosh, there's so many personal hell.

This is like a universal question for all of us.

Yeah. So I have a client who is. Who was going through a really awful divorce, like, awful on all levels, that you can imagine it being awful. And, you know, was at risk for losing everything, not just money, but his kids, too. And it was hell because, you know, a lot of times, I think when people have accumulated a lot of wealth, they think they can just solve all problems with money. And there he finally had reached a problem he couldn't really solve with money. Because what was happening is he was feeling for the first time in his life. Well, not really the first time in his life, but the first time in his life he was actually allowing himself to feel it. Tremendous fear, tremendous regret, tremendous anger, and didn't have the tools to deal with it. Luckily, we started working together, and so much of the intense pressure and the anger and the shame and everything he was feeling went back to being a kid and having a dad who was super hard on him, having a dad who abused him, having a dad who never told him once in his life that he was proud of him. And so his whole life had been proving himself. And then when it all came crashing down and he had nothing to attach his identity onto, that was his personal health. Because the thing is, for so many of us, our external achievements can fill a void. I kind of put that in quotes, like, they can fill a void. And when those things go away for whatever reason, then whatever void they were filling, all the stuff that was in there actually starts to come up. And so the journey for him, and really the healing, was actually being with his feelings for the first time in his life and not trying to go and start another business to get out of it.

This is why I love knowing you and being your friend, is because the types of conversations that you hold, especially for the masculine, the current version of the masculine. It brings me to this moment where Boysen Hodgin talks about. He's the founder of the Mankind Project, the co founder, and he said the old masculine really hasn't had time to grieve.

Yeah.

Because the new feminine has come in so strongly so quickly, this narrative of this man feeling his emotions, like for most men, there's going to be a learning curve there. Okay, Absolutely. This is going to take some time for us to actually settle into that.

I was going to ask you about that. Like when. How do you deal with your emotions? Like when you get triggered or when you get disappointed or you have an expectation hangover, what do you do?

The big one for me is making sure that my physical body is taken care of. Because there's a barometer of truth for me. If my physical body is not taken care of, I will most likely make the wrong choice and not feel and not deal. So if I'm not taking care of me, that's precedent. That's the number one. Because my physical container, my meat suit that I'm in, if I'm not loving that, if I'm not really tender care loving that, I'm screwed.

I'm not gonna be able to make any emotion. Start sleeping, start eating bad, start drinking. That's your indicator that you're in.

And I think for all of us, it's sleep, the big one. Because without enough sleep, we can't make any quality decisions. We're literally drunk, if you look at the research. So, yeah, that's a big one for me. And I think we all can relate to this. Cause most people traveled here, you know, so we're all kind of either maybe underslept or in a different time zone and all these things. But from the actual presence process, doing the presence work. Also, I did breath work this morning. Breath work has been massive for me, which I can't wait to do a session with you. There's so many cool tools that we get to use. But I would say, honestly, it's really about just slowing the F down and just getting into my stomach. I feel moved. Most things in my stomach. And this is like somatic experiencing. I know you've done a lot of work with somatic experiencing. When someone's feeling something in their throat, their solar plexus, or their stomach, each one of those has a unique signal, a unique message that your body's trying to tell you. Yeah, what are those for you?

Well, and I definitely want to bookmark the masculine not having time to grieve, because that's such a juicy thing. All right, I'll remember back to that. So for me, if it's in my solar plexus, that usually means that I am not connected to myself.

Right.

And I'm not feeling safe. So for me, anxiety, and this is for many people when we're not connected to our core and we feel like that pit where we feel knots or we feel just tension or sickness there, there's a feeling of not being safe and not feeling resourced and not feeling in our body. So that's an indicator to me that, like, there's a part of me that's terrified and I'm, like, disassociated in some way. If I'm feeling it in my chest, that usually has to do with grief. That has to deal with just feeling tremendous sadness or tremendous, like, pressure in my heart. And if it's in my throat, that always comes down to one of two things. Either not sharing what I need to share, not speaking up, which is obvious. But the second thing is not really surrendering, because actually, our neck is our most vulnerable place in our body. And so this, our throat, or you could say the center of our body or the chakra, has a lot to do with surrender thy will, not my will. So if I'm feeling tension in my neck or my throat, I'm gripping way too tight, I'm controlling way too much, and I'm in fear.

Yeah.

Wow. Clear signal pathways, very clear, that have their own unique and really strong signal.

The body's amazing.

This gentleman that you helped, the one that was going through the divorce, Right. He is this voice of the new masculine. Because what Boysen said about the grieving and men not having time to grieve, we're doing the best we can, I think. And I feel this collectively from most men that I know. And I know I live in somewhat of a bubble in Encinitas, but I'm seeing this conversation on multiple media outlets, podcasts everywhere. I mean, we're talking hundreds of millions of downloads across the world where men are actually stepping into this. What is your stance? What is your viewpoint on this grieving process for the masculine? What do you think this new masculine actually is?

I think it's important. I think it's really important. And I think what you said about the feminine has kind of come in.

So quickly, very fast.

I think men have whiplash. I really do. They're like, what the fuck is that?

What is going on?

What do I. Wait, am I supposed to be ashamed to be a man? Am I? Because what really, everybody's like, it's been the masculine paradigm. It's. Men have been in control. Not really. It's been the shadow masculine that we've seen. It's been the wounded masculine. It's been the hurt masculine. It's been the actually disempowered masculine overcompensating with force. And so I think men have to grieve what the expression of the masculine has been and the pressure that men have in the world to, you know, go out and provide but also be a great family man, to be sexy and alluring, but also be faithful, to be really masculine, but also be vulnerable. You know, I had a 70 year old man ask me the other day, he's like, what exactly does vulnerability even mean? And I thought that was such a beautiful question because I think for women we have a little more access to it because of our brain and because as a collective we've had more permission to feel feelings. But for men, it's only recently been okay for men to talk about feelings, for men to come together and cry. You know, it's only recently from what I've heard from men, been okay even in your, in your conversations with your other men to talk about things that are going on and not just recite movie lines and talk, tell the same joke over and over, make fun of each other. You know, it's like the conversations are going deeper. So I do think that there's this grieving of what has been projected upon you about what a man needs to be. And I think a lot of men carry some shame and some guilt on like how the masculine has treated the feminine over the years and how the masculine's treated the masculine over the years.

Well, and I can speak to this because growing up in East County, La Mesa, like Florida flat bills, trucks, like current conversations about beer and parties and current events and that was, was like a badge of honor as a younger adolescent male to sleep with a bunch of women, go party, get drunk. And that is the common narrative for most men. So I think really we look at this age of Saturn return, 28 years old, every 7 years the cells turn over. So there is a point to at 35 is really when things rise radically shifted for me and I almost have this sense that we need a few, maybe four, five, six. For some people Saturn freaking returns to actually start waking up to the truth. And I'd love for you to talk about what you see as truth now because you blew my mind when you first sat down. You're like, I think we've been here before.

Oh yeah.

What do you think is your truth now compared to your last Saturn return?

Oh gosh, you know, my truth now is I really feel more part of something than I used to. Like, I think my last big Saturn return was more about my own experience. Like What I needed to learn, what I needed to heal the things from my past that I didn't want to carry into my present and my future. It was more self focused. And I would say now the phase I'm in is that I'm part of something. And not only am I part of this kind of global awakening, but I feel like I'm part of a group of people who are helping with the awakening. And so it's more, how do I use my gifts and my knowledge to best serve others? That's more where my truth is now. So it's kind of shifted from this internal trying to figure me out to bigger questions of figuring out what we're.

All doing here and what is it that we're all doing here. Don't you think we're really just intelligence being love? Like, don't you think in some way that our deepest core.

Yeah, I mean, I do, but I think if we were just intelligence being love, we wouldn't need to come to the Human Planet. I think that we come to the Human Planet because a couple reasons. One, pleasure. Like, we get a body having sex.

And eating food is awesome.

That's fucking awesome.

I love those things.

Me too. Very much. Like, two of my favorite things right now, you know, we're laughing, we're connecting, you know, and so I think that's one of the reasons, like, consciousness getting to enjoy. Oh, oh. Can I tell you a good. A sex tip?

Sure.

Okay, so. And then I'll go back to my other. My other thing. So I was at an event and we were all talking about sex and love and relationships. And one of the women there was like, you know, bring a question into sex. And not like a question like, did that feel good? Do you like it better like this or like this?

Right.

Like a question that you want to answer through a sexual experience. And so I was like, all right. So that night I was like, all right, Steph, I'm gonna ask a question. And so the question I asked is, how does the universe want to experience pleasure through my body? That is. I suggest that question very much. And it was an incredible experience, like, unlike any other physical experience that I've had.

This is where I've heard where some people say, David, Data, people like getting fucked up into God.

Exactly, right, Exactly.

Did it feel like God?

It did.

Okay.

It did. So I think that's one of the reasons we're here, is just to experience awesome pleasure in the human body.

It's a fractal of the stage, of the game.

Yeah. And Then another. The other reason, if there's, I'm sure there's more than two, is to evolve the human species is to grow consciousness. Because we're in this world of contrast. We're in this world of suffering and pleasure. We're in this world of pain and ecstasy. We have polarity in this masculine, feminine. So we're in. In a world of contrast. And contrast is what promotes chaos. It's what promotes growth. So really, I think we're here to learn. We're here to learn, like, who we truly are.

I remember we were walking on the beach and you were like, you know, you chose your parents, right? And I was like, christine, what are you talking about?

I think that's the first time we met.

It took me like six months to really process that. And this is, this is the honest truth for that, is that now I'm 100% certain that I picked my father, that I picked my mother. And even what she's going through now, we just found out that she has late stage kidney disease. So I'm knowing that when I am around people like you and when we, by the way, feel so, so much gratitude to be able to have these kinds of conversations, this is the part. The gratitude is actually like the thing that we get as the reward for going through all this shit, for going through all the hard stuff. And there's no doubt in my mind that in some I knew that these events were going to happen and that being your friend and having the ability to have this conversation with you is all part of the joy. It's all part of the thing, all.

Part of the journey. And I just want to say, for people that feel like, you know, you just feel stuck and you're an expectation hangover. Expectation hangover. And you're like, when does it get easier? It gets easier.

Yes.

It gets. You do the work and it definitely gets easier. You have more tools, you have more support. You've cleared through a lot of the stuff that you've been carrying around. And, you know, even that question, you picked your parents. You know, I know it wasn't that question, but you chose yourself to go on your own journey of doing some healing work around your childhood. And I've seen how that's impacted you.

Thank you.

And I really acknowledge you for that because not everybody's willing to do that.

Thank you. Yes. And it's scary, but also so invigorating, isn't it?

So what I have found is the things thought of what it's going to be is actually scarier than dealing with it.

Amen. This rational fear versus irrational fear. We're up here. We're six feet in the air. Rational fear. Like, if we were 50ft in the air, it'd be kind of freaky up here. Yeah. Sometimes rational fear can be the same almost intense nervous system signal as rational fear. The irrational and rational can seem almost the same. Is there any parting guidance you can give to people when they're in the shit, when they're actually feeling like, oh, my God, is this real or not? Is there a thread, Is there a signal or a mantra that you go to when you're in your shit that you might be able to share with people who sometimes find themselves there?

Oh, I think there's a couple things. I mean, when I'm. When I'm really in it, when I feel a little dissociated or I feel overwhelmed by an emotion, the first thing I try to do is get this, like, move my body, like, so actually shaking my body or making a sound like. Or like stomping my feet.

So do you have, like, a favorite. Do you literally just, like, pound things with your hands?

Yeah, sometimes I'll pound things with my hands. Sometimes I'll, like, you know, just shake. Like, just stomp my feet and shake. Sometimes I'll make a sound like. Because that helps me sort of move the energy. Because when we're. Especially if we're in fight or flight and we have that adrenaline moving through our body, like, we want to just get that. That out, like, right away so that it doesn't, like, stay in our body and make the emotion worse. Because if you're triggered by something and then you get scared of it, not only do you have the triggering emotion coming up, but then you have all the fight or flight chemicals coming up, and then you're just in for, like.

You'Re in, like, a panic soup.

Yeah. So, like, moving the body is a good thing. Reaching out for support, I think, is a really good thing. One of the tools that I use, I think I said this on your last podcast, is, is I carry around a picture of me as a little girl.

I still have it in my wallet right here.

Yeah. And I just. I look at it. You know, Another thing that I've done is. And I recommend this for clients too, is I have. I'll make voice memos, like, Like a letter to myself in present tense.

Oh. Like on the iPhone.

On the iPhone. And if I get triggered or if I need to calm down, I'll listen to myself calming myself down.

That's such a great tip with your own voices.

Your son, hypnotic. You hear it all the time. So rather than listening to somebody else's guided meditation, I'll listen to my own.

Yeah. So you're not gonna bust out Tony Robbins from the early 90s and get that much inspiration like you would from your own voice.

That's always the go to. But if for some reason it's not available, I have these other things.

Christine, I so value your friendship and I see you as such a great voice in masculine, feminine, personal development. However you want to label it, it doesn't really matter the label. And since we interviewed, it was a year and a half ago. Has your definition of wellness changed? I asked you that a year and a half ago. How do you see wellness in your life now?

Yeah, I don't remember what I said. I think that it. I don't think it's necessarily changed. I think it's evolved. And I think that the part that has been the addition for me is the pleasure piece, is the joy piece. I think I was so much in a wellness was joy just taking care of all the stuff that wasn't working and now it's that. And it also includes just the pleasure and the joy of life.

Thank you. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you for being here and thank you to sunlight and science for having us.

Yeah.

Christine, so much love for you. Thank you.

You do such great work and it's been such a pleasure just to see you. You grow and evolve and just continue to do incredible work in the world. So thank you.

I received that. I feel that my bottom. We're talking about Christine all the time on Wellness Force. You're on our homepage. Thank you for your Testimonial and it's ChristineHassler.com the podcast is over and on with it. One of the best shows out there. Tell people where they can talk to you though. Where are you the most active? Like where do you play the most online?

Instagram.

Okay.

Instagram's my favorite.

What's your handle on Instagram?

Christine Hassler.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yep.

And she loves stories. We're going to do an Instagram story.

Absolutely.

Christine and Josh saying goodbye from Paleo fx. We'll talk to you soon. Hey, my friend, thank you for hanging out and growing with me today. Everything you learn on this podcast starts with your morning practices. So from over 200 world class guests and counting, we've distilled the gems, the best of the best science backed practices down into a 21 minute morning system. Guaranteed to increase the positive flow in your day. Get this free and powerful 2021 minute life changing system over@wellnessforce.com M21 if you enjoyed this episode, tap your phone. Share it with someone you care about because that is how we all get better together.

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