294 Danny-J Johnson: Healing Depression & Creating The Best Life

Yeah, I'm here in LA because I had to leave my marriage, but also I get to be here. And ultimately back to. You don't get to choose what happens. You can only choose how you react. The best life is that it's like, guess what? Shit happens. Life is not easy. We don't always get to choose everything, but we can go. This is the. This is the best life. I have amazing friends. I have all the tools. I know what to do. I literally have the best life. Like, the podcast is called the Best Life because I literally feel like I have the best life, and I can look at all the bad stuff. I can. You know, we all, all have a million reasons to say why things suck, but if you really look around and you just could be really grateful, we get to choose.

That's Danny J. Johnson, and this is episode 294 of Wellness Force Radio. Wellness Force Radio, where we discover the physical and emotional intelligence to live life well.

You can have the same brain states as someone who's done an hour of meditation every day for 40 years. There's a lot of losses that we go through, so the ability to be able to cope with those losses is very important to build skill in it, because loss will happen.

You know, you have to have spiritual courage, to really grow spiritually, because if you really want to take guidance from your soul, you have to be ready.

To realize that many of the things.

That you're asking for guidance on your.

Ego has some kind of an addiction to or an investment in.

Hello.

Hello.

Welcome back to Wellness Force. This is Josh Trent. Today I'm bringing you one of my closest friends in the wellness and personal development space. This is a full circle moment for me. You know, it was over 10 years ago that I started a personal training career. And in North Las Vegas, where I met our guest today in my first year of personal training. Her name is Dani J. Johnson. We became great friends. Over a decade of life experience has passed since then, which I'm so grateful for. I don't know about you, but I have been intentionally breathing into the power and the physiology of being in a state of gratitude lately. And this podcast makes me so grateful because Danny J. Is the epitome of a wellness warrior. She is reaching hundreds of thousands of people every month with her authenticity, this message about how to live the best life, as she calls it with her co host, Jill Coleman. Also, her own personal brand, DannyJay.com where she shares about her thresholds of growth and her challenges with mental health and depression, especially in a world where she is every day in this public spotlight. I have so much love and respect for Dani J. And in this podcast, we're talking about breaking down the stigmas for depression and mental health. You guys know or if you're here for the first time, welcome, Welcome. I share a lot about my mom's illness. Through my life, she's had a bipolar disorder. If you or anyone you know or you love or care about has this struggle with bipolar, then you know there's no such thing as not dealing with mental health. It has to be dealt with. We get to deal with it. This journey that Dani J. Has walked through, her own depression and even suicidal thoughts, this led her to get medical help that she knew she deserved. And we talked about this in depth. We also talked about her visit to Rythmia, how plant medicine gave her this tremendous healing. And really perspective, that's what plant medicine does the best, is it gives us perspective about where we can come from a place of deep love and service to other people. Dani J. Has this powerful quote that she shared with us on the show. She said, you can't control what happens to you. You can only control how you respond and how you act from it. This was a total tennis match podcast. This conversation I loved. I know you're gonna love it too. As you go about your day today, give yourself permission to slow down, Just be present. Listen to the gems, the absolute gems that are in this conversation with Danny J. Because it's in those where we can allow ourselves to go slow that the majority of lessons actually have time to sink in. I know you feel me on this, right? If we're always in a hurry, gathering information, doing the things, then we're not allowing it to be applied and mostly embodied, which is what we're all on the path towards in intelligence, right? The embodiment phase. I've made a ritual to slow down in my afternoons. So when I feel the dip, I go into 20 circular breaths, connected breathing. Then I do five rounds of box breathing. And this centers me. And part of my afternoons has become a red juice from Organifi Afternoon. Because look, I have the dip. I'm just like you in the afternoon, I get that dip. So the only superfood powder on the planet that I can put my name behind, that Wellness Force can stand next to is organifi. This is a non GMO organic, pesticide free, bioavailable, nutrient dense superfood. What does that actually mean, bioavailable? This sounds like something out of a science report. It kind of is because the plant adaptogens that are found in the ashwagandha, the chlorella, the spirulina, these are plant compound that adapt to whatever your body needs. Now you can go buy all these supplements and spend a bunch of money, but organifi emulsified these things safely and quite tastily, I might add into this superfood powder. You can get this right here for less than a few bucks a day and this will actually give you more mental and physical clarity. So you can have the second half of your day be more connected, especially if there's a screaming child in the background. It's really good for patience. I've noticed. That's the feedback I've gotten from many people. Give yourself this gift of health from the inside out. It's amazing taste. You get 20% off because you're here with us. The biggest discount you'll find online, by the way, you can grab it today@organifi.com WellnessForce. Just use code WellnessForce. You can share the code with your entire work posse, maybe the parents at the soccer field or the professionals in your group. That's Organifi.com WellnessForce use code WellnessForce to get 20% off your entire order. And you can just let that extra coffee in the afternoon go. You know, the espresso shot at like 5pm and that gives you the jitters and keeps you counting the ceiling tiles at night. Let that go. Do the red juice instead. Your body's gonna thank you and the people around you will thank you too. That's Organifi.com WellnessForce use the code WellnessForce for 20% off. Now let's get in to this amazing podcast that I got to record with Danny J in my house here after we jumped on the fitness trampoline. Let's drop in right here, right now on Wellness Force. Danny J. We're not in 24 Hour Fitness anymore.

I know.

That was like 15 years ago.

It feels like it probably. This is.

This is the coolest moment I think you and I have had. You were on the show like episode 30. Yeah.

Right at the beginning.

And we talked about something so different than I'm sure we'll dig into today. You've had a lot of changes.

Yes.

The best life podcast. You've been growing your social. I feel like ever since I knew you, you came back from training and you were like Sweaty Betty's and then Facebook and then other things and then meeting Jill and then all these transitions. Like the deep dive is going to happen today.

It is going to happen. It's so funny. I remember recording your podcast because at the time, I was living in Southern Utah, caretaking my grandmother who had dementia, and we lived in the middle of nowhere, and so there wasn't good cell service or.

You're in your connection.

Yeah. So I. I drove to Starbucks, and because it's so loud in Starbucks, I pulled up as close as I could, and I put the computer on the dash, and I was literally. And you were like, hey, you know, I could hear your air conditioning. So I was literally just sweating in the car doing your podcast interview because I didn't want to, like, mess the sound.

Wow. This is dedication, my friends. And now you're on, like, a little mini podcast tour. You're here in SoCal.

Yeah.

Recording some shows.

Yeah.

What are you doing out here?

I literally met a girl at Thrive, which is Cole Hatter's event, and she wanted to do some kind of trade stuff with me and just need an excuse to come to San Diego. Was like, well, while I'm here, I might as well try to meet up with friends and get some interviews in. And Jill happens to be here as well for her boyfriend's Firefighter Olympics, but she's busy watching him.

You're not interested in doing the firefighter Olympics yourself?

Yeah. No.

Okay.

I think I would lose really bad.

Well, I want to start with the gentleman that I met when you walked through the door. This is a new relationship. I think many people who listen to podcasts, we go in and out of relationships a fucking lot.

Do it.

This is what happens now. Millennials. I mean, all of us. Right. I would say if you look at the percentage of humanity, there's more people that go in and out than stay. And this is an interesting subject because you came from a past where there was infidelity, and I know you've talked about it a whole bunch, but let's start with the new man in your life. How did this come about?

Yeah, I met Jeff, so I brought Jeff in here, and I'm just kind of coming out like I'm making quotes. Finger quotes. Coming out. Because with Jeff, this is my first relationship since getting out of my marriage. So it's been terrifying. Scary. But, yeah, how it came about was I actually, Jill and I have a podcast called the Best Life Podcast, and we've been really trying to get Bumble, which is a dating app, to sponsor us. And they have Bumble bff, which is where women connect with other women to make friends and Bumble Biz and then Bubble Date.

Yeah.

And so we've been weird that I.

Didn'T know that they had three. I thought it was just swiping.

I know. Well, I think the other sides are more for women. I don't know. But it's also newer. The other ones are newer. So we thought Bumble BFF would be a great thing to launch with the podcast. So they've been having events, and I keep showing up to support. So I showed up to the super bowl party and at the. Like, to get my ticket, to get in and get my drink ticket. They're like, you have to download the app and you have to swipe. And I was like, well, I have Bumble bff. And they're. But I ran out of people, so they told me to switch over to another thing, Bumblebees. So anyway, long story short, I'm sitting there drinking, and nobody. I'm not talking to anybody. And I was like, well, let me see who's on the dating side. So I started swiping on the date again. And I had been. I hadn't been on dating apps for a good 18 months plus, and just curiosity. And that was in Vegas. And then I was like, I flew to LA the next day. I was gonna delete it. And then I was like, well, let's just see who's in la. And so, yeah, for the hell of it, I swiped. I actually connected with Jeff. But it was the week we were going to Arrhythmia. Wow. Yeah.

Interesting.

So actually, he wanted to meet up, and I was like, I know this sounds really California of me, but I'm not in a mental space. I'm gonna go to this ayahuasca thing. We have to eat clean and not drink. And I'm like, I'm kind of stressed out. So we put it off. So silly. And I got home from arrhythmia February 17th, and I ended up staying an extra day in LA. So we went on a date the very next night after arrhythmia, which was actually perfect timing. I don't think it would have been as good had I not. If I hadn't met him before.

Let's talk about that. Because going through deep journeys like you did at Rythmia, which, by the way, like, I was when you were out there, I was, like, holding space from here, I hope you know, we haven't had time. This is really cool. No, we have not had time since you went. And it was. When did you go?

February 10th through 17th.

February 10th. So here we are. It's June, end of June. And we're finally connecting on this. Like, this is cool timing because I found with plant medicine, the lessons unfold much later.

They do.

Like, a lot of times people are looking for, like, the miracle, and, like, I'm going to transform overnight. But medicine just like. Like, anything takes time to seep in.

Yeah.

So I'm curious how you felt compared to meeting him before you would do ceremony versus who you were, the woman that you were meeting him after the ceremony. What do you think the difference was?

I'm definitely glad I met him after my. One of the big intentions I had going into ceremony was to be open to a relationship because I had really been struggling. It had been almost. It had been two and a half years. And about eight or nine months ago, I was starting to tell my friends, I'm like, hey, I'm open to the idea of a relationship not ready, but I'm open to, like, the thought that it could be a potential who knows when. But I felt really still blocked in some ways, and I was really scared. And one of the things I learned at rythmia was I thought that my heart was broken. And what the message I received was that it wasn't broken. It was torn in half in order to make it bigger and in order for me to be able to, like, receive more love. And they said, like, it's almost healed. Like, you're almost there. Cause I was like, geez, why is it taking so long? And they're like, it's not taking that long. And it was funny because you get these messages that are kind of, like, humorous and. And you're just like, oh, okay, that makes sense. So I felt coming out of it that I was like, okay, I. I am getting closer to being ready because I was starting to think, maybe this is. Maybe I'll never meet anybody again. Maybe I just can't do this. Maybe I can't let myself go there. And so when I met him, I was still really terrified, and I was still making up a lot of excuses of why it wouldn't work. I'm like, well, he's, you know, he's too young, or he's the. Like, whatever reasons we'd come up, he. You know, he just kept showing up. And. And as I was working through it myself, just going, okay, this is. This is about him or is it about me? And it was just constantly. It wasn't him giving me any red flags or reason. It was just my stuff trying to look for excuses or fear. And then it was digging into like, what is that fear? Are you afraid of getting hurt? And I'm like, no, it's not that. And I started to think, like, it's maybe a fear of losing some freedom. And what's been really fascinating is, like, I was telling you right before, I'm not living anywhere. I haven't been for over a year.

I was like, where do you live? You're like, well, I'm kind of floating.

Ye. Yeah, I've been. I was going to settle down, and right after arrhythmia, and we. Jill and I didn't do that. And then I was thinking, well, I'll move in June. Which it's June now. And part of me just felt pressure to find a place because I wanted to find a relationship. And I noticed in dating, and kind of the reason I gave up on dating was I'd be like, hi, nice to meet you. We have a great connection, but I'm leaving tomorrow, and I may never see you again.

Do you think, looking back, that your subconscious structured your life that way so you wouldn't have to open the door?

Definitely.

Because it's so easy for all of us to fall. I fell into that, like, falling into, like, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. Why am I a relationship?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, definitely. I think there was definitely some intentionality of, like. And I even had, you know, I had good connections with people who wanted that. And I was like, nope, sorry, I can't. And I just. I kind of knew that I didn't want to either. Y. I wasn't ready. And I don't know if, you know, there's that thing of whoever is ready, but I think you can allow space for a relationship.

Yep.

So, yeah, I think that I was more. I think timing was so much better coming out, and I was. Was more aware of my own, you know, in the relationships, you know, realm. And so meeting him at the timing was really great. And also just that he was so patient and present, and I don't think he even knew the extent of, like, how much I was terrified. You know, I was having so much anxiety, and I was like, what is this all about?

You were feeling it in your nervous system, like, shortness of breath or were you, like, sweaty or something?

Yeah, like, my chest. Like, I haven't had panic attacks or any anxiety for years. And I was literally, like, my stomach didn't want to eat. I felt, like, in my chest and, like, not being able to breathe. And then when I was with him, I was fine, but it Was like thinking about it, I was freaking out. And so it was a constant like, what is this about? What is this about? And also one promise I made to myself after the infidelity was that I need to trust my gut. And so if I feel like something's off. And so I kept asking like, is that what I'm feeling? Is this a feeling in my gut that something's wrong? And. And sitting with that, I could tell a very big difference. It wasn't a gut feeling like he's a bad person. It was like definitely my own fears and things that were coming up. And so that was really interesting for me to try to figure out what these things were.

The gut feeling, that term gut feeling, it just came up heavily. I just spent the weekend with a guest here and it's a new possible potential relationship. And I've been calling that in for a long time. And I had the exact same feelings that you had. And you know what happened is the very next day I had a psych K session with muscle testing and like different, like neurokinetic testing.

Yeah.

And what came up was it was tied to something that happened when I was nine years old. And maybe I'll share it in a conversation. Not right now. So the reason I'm bringing this up is because I can only imagine what came up for you at Rythmia, knowing what you went through, like infidelity, cheating. I think it's in the top three for women. Specifically for men, it's like rejection, lack of purpose, things like that. But for women, that cheating aspect, it's a deep wound and it's deeper than it is for a man. I'm not saying it's less deep for a man overall, but I think if you took a high level view, like that's most women's deepest fear.

Yeah.

Is to be cheated on. So what was your lessons that you learned about that arrhythmia? Why did that happen for you instead of to you?

Yeah. Well, interesting. One of the things I was still I've struggled with the whole time is that my marriage was, was a really good marriage. We had the kind that people were always like, what's your secret? And you guys have so much fun together. And we were together 12 years, married almost 10. And so it was such a, a shock. It was so blindsiding when it happened. I think a lot of women are like, yeah, I kind of knew or I had a feeling or like he's done this before, but this was way outside of his normal way of being. And it was way outside of any. Like, we weren't fighting. We were. Weren't having issues between us. So it was so shocking. And I think that what I really struggled with was a lot of anger coming out and feeling like, you know, I thought I did everything right. I thought, you know, that we had a good relationship. So if I can't, like, keep a man in a good relationship, how am I going to do that, like, with any normal. Per. Normal person? Right? So one of the issues, one of the things that came up in Rhythmia was I was thinking about things that triggered me. And for some reason, we just canceled our life insurance policies because he was my beneficiary, and I was his beneficiary. And I was like, you know what? Why am I paying this life insurance? Like, if I die, he's not going to get any money. Like, we're already divorced, so I cancel my life insurance. And I remember just being so triggered about this. Like, if I die, it doesn't matter. Nobody cares. You know, nobody's going to get the money. And. And I was just, like, really angry about it. And so I had this, like, right when I started. Started kind of getting under the medicine, I had this thought of, like, if I died, it doesn't matter. And then all of the sudden, I was looking and I was. You know, our friend Jade. Tita, of course. So I was. It was at Jade's patio in his old apartment in Santa Monica. And my friend Jill and her brother and her brother's girlfriend and friends were coming. And it was basically like my funeral almost. But they were all talking about me as if I had died. And they were just like, if Danny was here, she would be. And they were just, like. They started laughing, and they were saying all these things about me, like, everybody just adored me. And they were having these great conversations, like, wishing I was there. And they were so sad about me not being there. And I was. And then more people started coming in, and they would have private conversations with Jill, and they were telling private stories between us. And it was like all of these people that were in my life and loved and adored me since my marriage had ended. And I was sitting there thinking, nobody's gonna care if I die. It doesn't matter. I don't have a spouse or a partner. And I realized I had hundreds of people who cared and that I mattered so much. And it just made me. It's so crazy. I mean, I was bawling because I felt so much, like, compassion and love for myself. And I was like, like, not in a bragging way, but I was like, I'm really fucking cool person. Like, people really love me. And I got why. I finally understood, like, why they liked me. And it was. It had nothing to do with the marriage. And so it was also interesting because I realized I'm like, if that hadn't happened, if my marriage hadn't ended, none of these people would be in my life today. And the relationships are so much stronger and deeper, and the friendships I have are so deep, and the lessons that I've learned since could not have happened had I still been in the marriage.

Did you have any idea what you were getting into? Arrhythmia.

Oh, Jesus. No. I was like, I was holding space.

For you out here when you got out there.

I'm so glad you were. You know what's so funny? What kept. What kept coming up for me? Because the first night I hated so much, I was like, I can't do this. And then I kept thinking of things that you would say. You were like, I'm so proud of you. Or you're like, you're. You know, I'm so excited for you. And we called Drew Manning right before, too, and he's like, I'm excited for you guys. And I'm like, this sucks so bad. But they keep saying they're excited, so there's got to be something, like. So I've got to just keep pushing through, because right now, this sucks big. 1.

Where else in life do we go through all kinds of sweet to get to the greater sweet? We have to go through the bitter to get to the sweet. And the bitter can sometimes be hella bitter.

Yeah.

The kind of bitter that you didn't even know existed, which is, I think, why people throw up or themselves or both. So what I was thinking in my heart and what I was feeling actually for you when you went out there is just the healing that you could showcase about where you are in your life and what you're creating and how other people could actually learn.

Yeah.

You know, we. We hear about this term influencer.

Yeah.

Who and what are we actually influencing?

Yeah.

You know, and why we're here on the planet. It is not just to, like, be hedonistic and have fun and post photographs and do things that most people do on Instagram. I think it's actually, like, what's your sense about Instagram? What do you think it actually is? How do you use it? Especially post Rhythmia. I have some other Rhythmia questions for you, but people know you as, like, an Instagram influencer.

Yeah.

Which is cool to say.

Well, it's interesting because I just posted this the other day, and this all ties back to arrhythmia and you. So a year ago, I was struggling, like, kind of out of the blue, had this massive depressive. These. These suicidal thoughts. No. Yeah. You know, I've struggled with depression on and off since I was a teenager. But, you know, last June, I got in this weird funk, and there was a point where I was walking with Jill on the street. We were in Venice, and a car came by, and I was just. I remember just having this thought. I was like, I should just. I just was gonna, like, step in front of the car. And I was like, okay, that was weird. And then I started to just have these thoughts of, like, you know, it doesn't really matter if I'm here, and I don't think I'm really, like, doing anything and not making a difference. And I just kept having these thoughts. And then I was driving, and I was like, just thinking I should just yank the wheel in oncoming traffic. And so that was going on for maybe two weeks. And I just realized I'm like, this is just a little bit getting scary. And so I was in LA and I told Jill. I was like, hey, I need to go. Can I borrow your car? I need to go, like, get some help. And I knew there was this mental health clinic that I could go to, like, get emergency medication. And she's like, well, are you okay? And I said, well, if I'm being honest, I really just want to, like, crash into the car. You know, crash the car. And so she's like, let me take you. And so we went. We were there for about five hours. And it was. I mean, I'm not a person that waits in life. I see a line, like, I will have a cart full of groceries. If there's a line, I just leave. I'm like, not waiting. So we had to sit there for five hours in this, like, emergency mental health clinic. And I was like, if you weren't here with me, I'd leave. Like, this is so stupid. And. And then we're kind of joking. I'm like, this is the thing that makes you want to kill yourself. I'm, like, sitting in a room like this. I'm like, if you don't leave crazy. Like, if you walked in normal, you're going to leave crazy. But I ended up getting on. On meds just to get me through, like, the crisis.

What kind of meds?

Antidepressants. I got on Zoloft and did it.

Make you feel numb all over?

It didn't actually support. No. It. I was on it for about three months. I think it helped me just get through the, the initial like crisis of like, so I don't do something permanent. But after three months, it had some really bad sexual side effects. Like there's couldn't orgasm. Couldn't even like think a sexy thought if I wanted to. And so I finally went to the doc, back to the doctor, and I was like, look, I. It got me through what I need to get through, but now we have another issue and I'm like, not being able to have an orgasm is going to make me want to kill myself. So we had to do something.

Yeah, that's medicine of its own.

Yeah. So we ended up SW switching to Wellbutrin and within just a few weeks it was so much better. So I'm still on it. And I was like, you know, I actually got off for 30 days before arrhythmia because they want you to get off all your antidepressants. And I did. And I was like, you know, maybe. Oh, that. So this was how rhythmia came up. You saw my post and you were like, hey. You reached out and you were like, hey, have you ever done ayahuasca? And I was like, well, I had a ceremony once, but didn't really get anything out of it. And you mentioned it, like the effects for depression. And so that's how I started looking into it. And so we, we, we basically went. And I was like, I think I need to do this because I think maybe there's something more to it.

It was cool. Cuz when I was first talking to you about on the phone, I was already thinking like, she's going to go. Like, even before I had talked to you about it, I already had the sense that you're like me. You're a seeker.

Yeah.

You're always seeking, like, how do I find the truth as quickly as possible.

Yeah. Yeah.

And so I knew like something in my heart just because like we. So for people that know, we used to be personal trainers, like back in the day, like I was almost like two decades ago. And so I knew like the kind of heart you had and I already knew you as a friend and as a person. And it's really special to me when I can just be a bridge. Aren't we all bridging people to messages or missions that we care about? And that's what the medicine was for me. It's been Profound. And it will continue to be like a once a year kind of spiritual pressure wash to fucking clean me. Because this world is a very toxic place. And this circles back to my question for you, like The Wellbutrin, the SSRIs, are those. Do you believe those to be a temporary band aid? Or are those something that. For people that maybe need it, like my mom's bipolar, is it something that just some people will need? And it's not about covering a band aid, it's actually a physiological piece that's missing, I think.

Yes. And like. Yes, for some people. Yeah. I mean, I think it can be a band aid. It's funny, I was just talking to a girlfriend last night. She said her boyfriend just got off. He's been on Lexa Pro, I think she said 300 milligrams for, like six years. And he got off. And she's like, he was psycho. And then she said, I looked up stuff and it says, like, getting off cold turkey is like the worst. That's like the worst medication. And so he was losing his and just, like, freaking out. And she said, but then over the last few weeks, she's like, he's been laughing different, and he's been like. He's been having these mood swings, but he's also been happier. And he said, I haven't felt like this in six years. And I think that some of them. And I think it really depends on your biology, too, but some of them can, like, you're. Let's say you're on this pendulum. You're this roller coaster of going way, way down and way, way up. And some of them, I think it takes the lows away, but it also takes some of the highs away. So then you're like, like, cool. I'm not wanting to kill myself, but I'm also not really enjoying life either. And I think that can. That can really suck. And I think that it does depend on the medication. I think it does depend on the person. I think depression is such a complex because for me, I was told I was going to be on medication my whole life. And I spent years not being medicated, doing exercise and diet, and I felt like that really helped. But I have found that in 2015, I was having these suicidal thoughts, and I started to notice. Notice just happened to be one day I was like, on the 25th, and I just noticed the date. And the next month, it was the same time. And I realized a week before my period, I would get super suicidal and, like, crying and crazy. So I found out there's something called pmdd, which is pre menopausal. I don't remember. You can look it up. Something bad that starts with D depression, something depressive disorder. Pmdd. Yeah. Premenstrual depressive disorder. And just like, just like postpartum, you know, postpartum depression is real. And I've heard of so many women are like, I wanted to, like, kill myself after my baby was born. And so I think there's hormonal depression. They're situational. You know, you go through some grief, and then maybe it just keeps going on. And I think there's people with true chemical issues that maybe do need to be medicated more long term. I think, though, you have to kind of experiment with your own self and, and also know enough like, you don't want to be experimenting if you're on the verge of committing suicide. Like, for me, I was. Was like, cool. I. I have all the tools. I have amazing friendships. I have. I know how to eat well, I know how to exercise. And yet I'm taking a walk and want to jump in front of a car.

This is so powerful for me to hear you say this because, like, you have the network, the books, the guides, the masterminds, the workshops. You pretty much have the majority of tools that most people would want at any time to, quote, heal themselves. Yet how would you combine all the tools and groups of friends and people, you know, know, with plant medicine, like, do you feel like that's going to be something for you in the future if. Do you ever feel called to it again?

Yeah. You know what's funny is right after I was like, I'm good. Yeah, I don't need to do that again. But now it's been a few months, and especially with what's like how you said that you. Things come up later, and I'm starting to see more and I'm. And I think the first time you're so scared, there's a lot of. There's a lot of resistance.

The first three days, I was like, can I trust these people?

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of resistance. You don't. Don't let yourself go all in or go all under. And so there was a lot of that where I'm starting to feel like there are some more things that now that I've cleared away some of the relationship stuff and like, kind of some other things that came from my past, now there's new things that I'm like, oh, okay, I need to deal with that one now. And it's like these layers, right. It's like as soon as you, you clear off one thing, it's like when you're hiking and you get to the top of mountain, you're like, wait, there's another one higher. I thought I was at the top.

Top, but you couldn't see it till you got to the first one.

Y. So I feel like I could do it again. I probably would be. I would say maybe like once a year, maybe once every nine months or so. But like, I'm not quite ready just yet. But I was like, yeah, probably by the fall. I'd like to.

Again, this is, this is cool for you to say because I think we live in a culture right now where it's being glamorized. Like a lot of psychedelics are being glamorized. And I'm here to say, like, they're not glamorous. Like they provide amazing lessons and long term neurokinetic reframing. But before that, one has to go through the shit.

Yeah.

And the shit can be so profound for some people that there's a bit of like cognitive dissonance for a while.

100.

The preparation for the ceremony is just as important for the ceremony itself. And then obviously the integration, like, this is what I'm curious about for you or how are you integrating? Like, how are you taking what you learned and actually plugging it in and trying it now in your life?

Oh, so I guess this could answer that. And also your early question about being an influencer and what does that mean? So. So you got me into arrhythmia from the depression thing. And then I was like, you know, I haven't mentioned it a while to my audience. And so I posted again just last week. I was like, hey, guys, you know, pictures aren't always what they seem. And I post a picture of me laughing and I'm doing fantastic. But I was like, hey, a year ago, like, literally a year ago last June, I was suicidal and wanting to just crash the car, like jump in front of the street. So here's where I'm at in my journey. And I, I'm. And I got after arrhythmia, I decided I was getting a little agitated and I could feel like maybe I do need to get back on the medication. So I made a conscious choice. And for me too. And I said this. I'm like, I'm on it right now. That doesn't mean I'm going to be on forever. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop. Like, I Just, I'm on it now, and that's the choice I'm making. And then I've been off and on my whole. Like, not my whole life, but since. And so I'm like, for now, I'm going to stay on it because I feel good, and I think it's where I need to be. But also, I was like, I was terrified to make that post. The very first one. Not as terrified to make this one, but I got a lot of messages and people saying, thank you.

Why were you so terrified to make it? Or were you scared?

I think, you know, it's that idea of when people see your life, they think everything is great or perfect or you have it all together, and when you. It's hard to admit that you don't have it all together. And I think the other thing is that stigma around depression is. And I did get some of these messages, which was like, well, what do you have to be depressed about? Like, you have everything going for you. And. And that was. I think that's so.

It seems.

Yeah. And I think that's the one thing that, you know, maybe celebrities. I think it was Kate Spade. Kate Spade who committed suicide. And you read these things like, she's rich and she was successful, and she has a great family. She's. And that's what's so shitty, is that I felt like that was me. I'm like, I have amazing friends. I have all the tools. I know what to do. I literally have. Have the best life. Like, the podcast is called the Best Life, because I literally feel like I have the best life. And we get to choose, and I believe in choice, and I believe we get to choose happiness. And there's these invasive thoughts that were coming to me, and I could not figure out how to stop that and why. And so I feel like saying that. It almost feels like you're maybe lying. You're like, oh, but you said that you can choose happiness, and yet you're getting on antidepressants, so what is that about? And so to have those two truths and, like, they're. They don't contradict each other, but they feel like they can.

Yeah.

And so it was scary to come forward with that. And I hadn't talked about being depressed before. And suicidal thoughts are a tricky one, too, because you also wonder, like, I. I was saying to Jeff the other day when I wrote the second post, I go, reading that post, do you think that makes people pity me? Because when you're an influencer or a speaker or a coach, you don't want people to be like, oh, she's going through some stuff. Like, I don't want to hire her. Like, she's. We need to make sure she's fine.

Like, I don't want her life.

Yeah, like, you don't. I want people to still hire me for. For whatever, like, services. They don't be like, oh, she's not, like, mentally able to handle a job right now. And so there was a lot of those. Those thoughts that go through my head. But one of the things I did say, I had a couple people, private message me. And honestly, the. The reality is, is if it made one person feel less alone or one person feel like, okay, like, maybe. Maybe they. That was the sign they needed to go get on medication because they're about to do something permanent, then what else am I using my influence for? What's the point of having the influence if I'm not doing that? And that was one of the messages I wrote to somebody. I was like, I don't have a huge platform, but for the influence that I have, if I'm not using it for some kind of good to help someone else, then what's the point? I don't even deserve it.

I'm so glad I'm your friend. No, I mean, just. Just hearing you say that, like, it. It makes everyone who's right now feel more connected to you because, yeah, like, having influence, it's a responsibility. It is a responsibility, and all of us have a responsibility. A father and a mother have influence over their children. That's no greater or less than having 30k people on Instagram follow you or something. Like, everyone has an influence. So what's our gut check and our heart behind why we're doing it in the first place? That, for me, has always been a guiding light, especially since I've gone down this medicine path. And to circle it back to the question about the SSRIs, I'm just feeling like, really, what I want to know is, does this have to be a sentence for people? Do you feel sentenced by it? Do you feel shackled by it? I mean, let's. Let's be real. Let's talk about this aspect of it. Like, mental health is. In my family, mental health has been a topic for myself. Mental health has been a topic for most people that are interested in physical and emotional intelligence, which is what we talk about on the show. Mental health comes up at some point, and I think it's so easy for the subconscious to be like, ah, I'm fucking shackled by this. It'll, quote, never go away. Is that really true?

I don't believe that, but I do. Well, I believe that your beliefs can create that reality for you. Yeah, so I used to feel that way because my family, you know, I felt like my genetics doomed me. My aunt is bipolar. My mom has depression. My uncle had depression. My. Like, all my mom's side of the family. And I'm like, oh, great. And then my mom had even said to me when I was 15 years old, she's like, honey, you're going to be on medication your whole life. Like, this is. And so I believe that. And she also said things like, you're going to be overweight. Like, we are. And my aunt had gastric bypass. My uncle had gastric bypass. My grandmother gastric. My. My mom is 100 pounds overweight. And so I also thought that was my reality. Like, basically, I thought from 15 years old, I was doomed. I was going to be depressed, suicidal, fat, and just like. And I remember people even saying, high school is the best year of your life. Best years of your life. And I'm like, well, great. I already know that my future is shitty, so I have zero things to look forward to. And what really helped me was I had some mentors who showed me that. That. That wasn't the reality. Like, they had maybe stories like that themselves, and yet they. They lived a life that wasn't. That wasn't that true. And so, I mean, if you look at me, I'm on the podcast, but I'm not overweight. My family is, and I'm not. I don't feel like it's a. A lifelong sentence. I'll. You know, I did struggle with being on medication again. I'm like, oh, maybe my mom's right. But I also realized that I'm 37, 38, actually. Now. You know, there's hormonal changes, and I do. I was like, you know, maybe there's some hormonal stuff. I also recognized that me living out of a suitcase for a year wasn't the best for my sleep. Like, for my sleep, my eating, my supplements, my exercise. And I was like, I'm sure that's one of the reasons why this depression's coming up again, because I'm not taking care of myself as well as I could have.

Do you feel like now's the time to get rooted and get a place?

Yeah, we've been talking about that. It's funny, because I was really wanting to be this year. And then I met Jeff, and he's kind of Been on the same. Like, we've kind of been all over. And I would like to have someplace more permanent and, like, have a routine. Yeah. Because I think once, if I can. I'm. I'm thinking for myself. I'm kind of saying this out loud as I'm. As I'm thinking it. I think 90 days, if I can get back on my routine with food and health, that I could get back off of my medication and be okay. But I really do think right now with the. With so much going on that I'm like. Like you said, flights, time zones, food and stuff, it does affect me. And I know that. And I know that because I've been like seven, eight years of just really steady, like, diet, exercise, that I was really good. I didn't have those issues that I know I can do it again. But I think for a lot of people, you do have to. It's not a life sentence, and, you know, it's the way you look at it. So what. What if you are on medication your whole life? Right. What's the other alternative? You're.

I love that phrase. So what? You know who talked about this was. Melissa Hartwig was on the show.

Okay.

And I asked her this question about something, and I said, do you ever fear that blank, blank will happen? And she. Yeah, but then I just ask myself the other question. So what? Yeah, so what if the thing that I'm most afraid of happens? Because by asking, so what, it's almost like it takes away the charge, the negative charge of it happening.

Yeah.

And this is another point that I wanted to ask you, too, is, do you kind of have a sense that we're making this up and figuring this shit out along as we all do it together? Do you ever feel like that? Like no one's ever got it down?

Oh, totally. Totally. And I, you know, there's so much uniqueness to every human. And, like, they're maybe as a. Brene Brown. No, no, Brian. Katie says there's no news stories, Right. So there are no new stories. We all have. We all. Like when Jill and I talked about the infidelity on the podcast, it was like one of our first episodes, and we were going, does this relate to anybody? Like, does it. Are people even going to understand this? If they haven't gone through cheating spouse, does it matter? But what we found was so many people were. They'd write in. They're like, oh, my gosh, I didn't have a spouse cheat. But I know the exact feelings. Like, I felt like that when Someone died or. I felt like that when I was rejected from a job. And. And so a lot of our feelings are the same, but we all do have unique biochemistry. We all do have unique situations. So I think we are all figuring it out using everybody's unique experiences. And then kind of like, what's the common thread in that unique experience? What's the common thread in this one? And then we're, like, putting them together and going, oh, okay, that makes sense.

And there's trends, but it's never black and white. Right? Like, there's trends and there's, like, certain practices that feel better than others. But I think when you look at people and you talk about epigenetics and if you look at, like, many lives, many masters, past life, regression therapy, stuff that happens from, like, three or four lineages ago, that could possibly be in your genes, that gets activated when you are in certain situations in life. This is scientifically being proven now. Dave Asprey's been talking about it. Bruce Lipton's been talking about it. Do you have a sense that possibly you are carrying something from a past lineage that's in you that only gets turned on when it's afraid of something?

I have never actually considered that thought.

I like to ask deep questions.

Yeah, no, I've never actually considered that thought. I always, you know, it's funny, I always think I do really believe we carry things forward from things we don't remember, don't recall. You know, even childhood and even when we're babies, you know, things like that that come up. Even going through this relationship thing, I'm like, what's the. What's the anxiety about it? Where is it coming from? And then it's like, oh, when somebody said this to me, it triggered this thought, right? And so there's. I think there's always things. There's subconscious things, and I don't know know if that's DNA or consciousness or. Or where's the line between, you know, one or two of those things.

But at the end of the day, it's like, what is the one that we want? And I know I'm being really reductionistic because the power to quote, choose. Yeah, it is always ours. But sometimes getting to that light switch where we just flick a light switch and choose happiness or, you know, choose whatever we want. Yeah, there's a lot of work to get up to, the light switch. It's not like we can just like, Gretchen Rubin was talking about this one day, and she's like, I think most people are just Genuinely happy.

Happy.

And I thought, I disagree. I don't think everyone's most genuinely happy. And so I challenged her on it and I was like, well, do you really think that's true? Because what about people that struggle with certain things? And she's like, yeah, but if you really ask them, I think they're really happy. And I think there's a way that people spiritually bypass mental health. I think spiritually bypassing, especially in, like, I guess you could say our community of, like, health, wellness, personal development. It's kind of like the swimming pool we swim in. It's really easy for people to spiritually bypass pass subjects that are rough.

Yes.

Right. And so that's why I. I genuinely appreciate you because you speak about where you really are. And I think my sense is. And I'm curious how you feel. Do you think this will be a lifelong thing of you sharing your journey? Like, do you have a sense that you'll be a quote, influencer for many years to come and be real and talk about the best life and the bad life?

I feel like for some reason I. It's my calling, good or bad. Like, I am pulled to do it. It's like, you know, when we met, we were personal trainers. I knew that I wanted to help people. The. The social media, Internet stuff that we have today didn't exist. But when I started on social media, I remember starting to share. And one of the first times where it was, it was this big share was I was competing. I had a fitness background. I did bikini competitions.

You were straight up ripped. Like, what body fat were you?

I know we did one of those underwater tests and I was like, 9%. Wow. And for a female, that's ridiculous. Yeah. And so there was, after a couple years, I started to, like, gain weight rapidly, and I was doing all the right things. And I remember girls competing, they blow up after, but they'd always admit, like, we're having cheat meals. And I was like, I not. I'm doing two hours of cardio a day, lifting an hour a day, eating 1100 calories a day, and I'm gaining weight, like, rapidly. Something is wrong. And so I went to doctors and I was going to endocrinologists, and all of this stuff was going on. And I was embarrassed to be on online anymore because the only pictures I'd showed was when I was totally ripped. And I was like, gosh, people are going to think I'm a fraud. Like, I'm a weight loss coach and I help people lose weight, and yet I'M getting fatter, right?

This is during Sweaty Betty's.

Yes, yes, yes.

So this is like, you're building a community about health and wellness.

Totally. So I'm building this brand, and I'm like, oh, my God. I. I don't even. I think I read a girl's comment or something, and I got so angry. So I opened up my laptop, put on the webcam thing. I don't know how I did video, and I just started talking, and I was like, I'm so upset. Like, this is what's happening to me. And I remember I was, like, shaking. I cried. I. And then I uploaded it to YouTube and I was like. And I remember shutting the computer and just going to the room and crying right after I uploaded. I'm like, I don't want to see what's going to happen. And we were part of this organization called See this? Very, like, Mafia. And I was. I knew if I put this out there that I would be blacklisted from the organization. I couldn't be able to compete anymore. And I was like, I just have to talk about this. Nobody's talking. It's happening. I know people are blowing up after these competitions, but nobody's saying anything. So I showed my computer, and I cried. And I was like, this is it. Like, this is the end of my career. I'm over. Like, I'm not gonna be a trainer anymore. I'm gonna have to go get a job at Starbucks or something. And that's it. Like, I just was like, I can't not say something. And then next thing I know, I'm getting hundreds of messages in my email and comments like, me, too. And pros, like, IFBB pros that were like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe you said this, but yet. And, like, whispered tones, and people would find me. And this was, like, this thing that blew up. The thing that I was so scared that would ruin my career and ruin my life and make me look like an idiot was the thing that everybody was connecting on. And that was the first time I did it. And then a year later, I made this promise to myself. When I was in 12th grade or 11th grade, I had a creative writing class. And sometimes when you're supposed to write, you're like, what do I write about? What do I write about? Like, you have to write a paper. And I remember this teacher told me, if you're struggling or with a writing block, instead of asking, what do I write about? Ask, what do I not want to write about? And so I Remember she said that? And I was like, oh, shit, I'm losing my virginity. And I wrote this paper about losing my virginity. I was like, I don't want to talk about this. So after I made that video about six, eight months later, I was like, you know what? If there's ever anything I don't want to talk about, I have to talk about it. And so I made this, like, promise to myself that if I don't want to talk about it, it's probably the thing I need to talk about. And every time I've done it, it's been just as scary as the first time. Slam the computer, run to the room and cry. Like, shut it off. But I would say 100% of the time I've made any post like that. The depression post, like, hated it, didn't want to do. Do it. But every time I've talked about those hard things, those are the ones that the people connect with the most. So to answer your question of going forward, am I going to continue? I have to. I don't know. I, like, made the promise to myself, and I feel compelled to, even though I hate it and it's so uncomfortable every time and it still isn't easier. But I do know now that I've had enough evidence that it's always helping someone. And I. When Jill and I started the podcast, we. We just made this promise to ourselves or each other. Other. We're like, if it just helps one person, then it's worth it. And we always just say it's about one person. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to try to influence a million people. Like, if I can influence one person. And the. The irony is that when you try to influence the one person, that's when you do influence a million. But I think we always try to think so much bigger. And I'm like, I. If my story helps somebody, I know that I've reached out and, like, grasped onto other people's stories to get me through dark times. So if my story or a share helps one person do that, then it's worse. Worth it.

I love so much what you just said because it reminds me of a film I just saw. Again. I've watched it eight times. It's called Finding Joe. It's about the archetype of the hero's journey with Joseph Campbell. Separation, initiation, return. And you know what? The quote that popped off my heart when you were sharing about that? Your teacher saying, write whatever you're scared about.

Yeah.

The cave that you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek?

Yes.

I mean, I just got chills telling you that, like, that's it.

This is.

This is all our cumulative, universal fucking hero's journey that all men and women are on. And I think why people feel from an influencer or just from somebody telling a story is like, they have the weight, the emotional gravitas. As I was telling you when you sat down earlier, like, some people want to go to the fire, some people get scared of the fire, and neither one's right or wrong. But you know what? I am always going to lead my life where I go towards the fire, even if I get burned, even if I'm scared or whatever it might be. It's how you and I are talking right now. I chose that path. What about you makes you want to choose the fire path? Like, the hero's path? This is a hero's journey path.

You know, it's so funny that. Did you see the new Brene Brown network? Netflix.

I thought it was. I thought she did a great job.

Yes.

They might have edited it, but I thought it was amazing.

Yes. So she talks about being in the ring, in the arena, and it's so funny because I can be so brave in some of the stuff online. And so, you know, when it came to being in a new relationship with Jeff, I was like, that's a whole arena of itself. It is. And I was like, I'm not. I'm holding myself back. And when he just kept showing up and I was, like, so impressed. I was like, I am so proud that you've been willing to go into the arena, because I've been like, yeah, I'll see you down there. Like you. Nice. But it's really been a different challenge where I'm like, cool. I have to look at, why can I do this in my. In my professional life and share things like that? And I'm like, there's this new thing, and I could risk getting hurt. And I'm like, but how else are you going to also get all the gifts out of it if you're not willing to go all in?

And so when you say he kept showing up.

Yeah.

What do you mean by that? He kept showing up?

I think what I mean is that he, you know, he choked for the hard conversations instead of, like, if I.

Fairly early in the process or kind.

Of late or relatively early, I'd say maybe within the first month or so, it started to go like, okay. Like, I think kind of testing him on things, like, okay, if I tell him this. Let's see if he Runs away and vice versa. I think, you know, we kind of do that. You're like, okay, what if, like, I had him listen to the podcast, like, the depression episode and, like, my adoption episode. I gave up my daughter for adoption. And the infidelity. And he was like, cool, what'd you think of that? And he's like, he's still around. You know, some of the things that you're like, this might make somebody run. And he didn't. And I think that it was like, hey, I'm having a lot of anxieties, like, cool, how can I help you through that? Instead of being like, yeah, that's your issue.

Well, that's a statement to this man's work. Because one thing about, like, the unhinged masculine is they can't hold space for the feminine when she's kind of having a process.

Yeah.

So it's a. It's a testament to his level of work. Has he done any work. Do you guys do work together in that way for, like, emotional intelligence or presencing or meditation?

Yeah, he's done a lot of his own work. You know, I think we had a really similar story growing up, too. He, like, I was in a mental health facility, and he went to a. What's it freaking called? Like, not a boarding school, but, like, a military school. Got sent away to a school. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of similar stuff. And so it's been really like, okay, cool. He gets that. And just, you know, we've had. We've had some really hard conversations, and we had a moment not too long ago of, like, this could be. Like, this could make or break us up. Like, let's. And it was one of these things where it was. I'm grateful that it happened in the moment. I wasn't. Because I was like, this was the time where I'm like, okay, we can either keep going down this road. We're new enough that we could break it off now, or we're like, we can go, like, go deeper. And he was like, I really want to go with you. And I was like, you know, I think I needed to hear that. And I was like, I think I do too. And, like, let's do this. And it was finally. It was almost like we needed that moment to, like, make a strong decision, because I think in relationships you can keep going. You're like, this is feeling good. And we're like, you're. I almost call them, like, situationships, like, yeah, like, now we've been hanging out for an amount of time, and I think sometimes people get married that way. They're like, well, we've been dating for four years.

It just sounds like eating vanilla forever.

Right?

There's no spice.

And I think it was like we both made a conscious choice. Like I am choosing you and I, I'm willing to have hard conversations with you and I'm gonna show up for hard conversations.

There's so much vulnerability in what you said. Said like I'm gonna choose you. That, that power to choose someone. Because then one by making that choice, they're opening up to them. Being fully seen them not having novelty from all these other guys or girls texting them, they're giving up. An old life has to die for a new one to thrive.

So true.

So there's something about all of us in our evolution that I think pulls us back from wanting the new life to thrive. And I think this is where sabotage comes in. Like people don't feel worthy of the new life life. And, and it's interesting, I love the timing of you sitting in my place today because this just happened for me recently with a woman that I'm dating and I was like, I was listening to you talk right now and I know people are feeling this. We've all been there where you are and where you're going. It's just that the courage to do it from a place of open heartedness versus a heart wall, that's a nuanced thing. That's a big question like, like what about you now wants you to really lead this process of relationship, conscious relationship with an open heart? What is it about you that's. That's opening the heart to, to this being the new life, the best life.

I mean, I have been so resistant. I'll tell you the truth on that. It's like not resistant. It's. So I. Have you read A Course in Miracles?

I've heard of it.

Yeah.

I haven't read it.

So it's, it's kind of, it's. It's not like a book you read. It's of kind, kind of like the Bible. The, the, the language, you know, kind of old and so it's not super easy to like you. You're not just going to read it all and put it down? Like I've been reading it for years. I'll read like a chapter and then put it away from.

It's written like a Bible.

It's. Yeah, it's kind of written in like kind of biblical kind of language.

Interesting.

And it's in verses like the Bible too. Like it's chapters and then, like, verses that are not.

Marian Williamson.

Marian Williamson didn't write it. She. She just started teaching the lessons from it. And. Yeah, so it's. It's a really deep book, and it's a lot about love and fear. And there was a passage I pulled out. It said, you are not afraid of love. You are only afraid of what you've made of it. And I was like, dang. Because I kept having this fear, like, I'm afraid to fall in love. And I'm like, no, I love love. I'm like, one of those people, like, on Instagram. I, like, save all these people getting engaged and, like, hugging. I love it. I'm, like, so romantic at heart. And I'm like, no, I'm not afraid of love. I'm afraid of what I've made of it or what I've made it to mean. Like, if I love, then I can lose, and if I love, then somehow that I equated love to pain because of my. How my relationship ended. And so I've been digging deep into that. I was like, why am I afraid of this? And I told Jeff recently, like, we just had this, like, we've had a lot of really beautiful moments, and we're just sitting there, and I was like, why was I so afraid of this? Like, this is beautiful. Why was I so afraid? Afraid of it? But I think we are afraid of just showing all of ourselves and being rejected. So sometimes we don't go, like, we don't show all of those things, you know?

Yeah.

Talking about the depression to somebody, a new relationship, but, like, I don't want to talk about that.

I had a woman on this show, and her name was Ali Lampert, and she was talking about, like, when people really show up, it kind of looks like them skidding in with, like, dirty, ripped pants, and they go, here I am with all my stuff, all my suitcases and my issues. But then that's the person that really craves and honestly deserves all the love anyways. And I think most of us were. We're approaching relationships either with an opening heart, plural. Because I don't know anybody that just says, I'm fully, 100% open and ready. It's like, that's a process. But I think all of us want to be loved at our deepest core with our issues, with our suitcase, with our. With our bullshit. And I think just hearing your story and feeling into your story, man, it really gives people the permission.

Yeah.

Isn't that what you're really doing as an influencer. You're in multiple ways giving people permission to feel, permission to express. Have you coached women or men on influencing to what they really feel, speaking their truth in certain ways. This is what I feel from you.

Yeah.

Done this.

So a little bit more recently. So after the affair happened and I kind of just stopped all of my business, I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like, I feel like I don't talk about it anymore.

Did you have something saved?

Yeah, I had when I was a network marketing in Nerium. So I had some money coming in for about a good year. And then of course, started drawing up and I had a mastermind and some programs. Nothing like super significant that it used to be, but it was like keeping me afloat. And I was really grateful for that. I was really great. You know, they talk about residual income, and it's like, that was actually what saved me because I just was not emotionally even able to work. But coming out of that was like, okay. I was working on a message before the affair happened. A message and a talk I was giving, which was really about, you can't control what happens to you. You can only control how you react. And then that happened, and I was like, so pissed because I was like, thinking about the affair. I'm like, you can't control what happened. You can't control what happened. You can only control how you react. Yeah. I'm like, I want to take a baseball bat to this girl's car right now and I want to murder him. And I'm like, nope, you can only control how you react. And I was like, why is that my message? But coming out of that, I really started to think more of, like, what kept coming up and like, a theme for me was rewriting your story. Like, the stories you tell yourself, the story you make up about life, the story you make up about why you are stuck the way you are and how to share your story in order to connect with an audience, connect with customers, connect with people who are buying your products or services. So I have done a lot of work with entrepreneurs on, like, how do you share what stories to share? How do you share your story and how do you make that connection? Because I think there is an art to it to too. I think vulnerability and authenticity is kind of like these new buzzwords and like, people just dump. They almost like. It's almost like fake authenticity.

You know, you can tell, hey, guys, I'm about to be authentic.

I'm gonna share something. Or like, they share a Picture of them crying, and then it's like. It has. It's like, no, I think we all.

Have a spidey sense on whether or not they're just trying to get likes.

Yes.

I think we can all tell now. Yeah, I can.

Yeah.

Do you ever get duped by that?

I don't think I get duped. I can.

Like, I can kind of.

I'm like, okay.

The lighting's perfect. Yeah, there's like, maybe like an angel in the background, and she's crying. That might be a little.

Right. And so I think that, you know, that that goes on, but people. But then there's other people who have these amazing stories. They have stuff they want to share, and they're like, I'm scared to share that because I'm afraid of being judged. Or, like, you know, this happened to me. Or, you know, I had a family member that died. You know, I've had. So in fitness, like, a lot of people are going to fitness because of an illness of someone.

That's why I went.

Yep. And so it's like, they're like, well, I just want to talk about health and fitness. I'm like, yeah, but you're. Why. Because your mother died of a heart attack because she was overweight, and that's why you're doing it. Like, if you share that, more people will connect with you on your message. And they're like, but I don't want to talk about, like, I don't want to bring that up. It might make people uncomfortable. I'm like, okay, let's figure out a way how to share that to make it so it feels good to you, and it connects with your audience. And it's. It's not like. I hate to call it, like, a strategy to make more money, but it's a way to really just be more you, because now you're actually being more real, and you're sharing your why, and then you're excited about it. And as a byproduct, you do get more people who follow you, like, you trust you, because they're like, oh, wow, I've been through something hard, too, and she gets it. And so some of the things I have been doing is working with entrepreneurs on that, how to share that story. What is the story? What is the. The line? How do you share it without feeling like you're just dumping on the arm audience? And how do you make it so it actually connects and makes sense? Because there are some stories, honestly, that don't need to be shared. Yeah, there's some Things that aren't relevant. You know, if I'm just like, you know, telling about something that happened at the bank because I was pissed off, like, how. What does that have to do with what I'm teaching?

There are some people and. And I recently, I won't name names, but I had an interaction with someone. We were at an event last year at the Spartan Race. And this was somebody that just is an open sharer about literally everything. And we. When I view their content occasionally, I used to. I was like, I don't really know how this is serving anyone. And that's almost like a barometer of truth for people online. It's like you could be expressive and talk shit and do whatever you want, but at the end of it, if you take a deep breath and look at it and ask, is this serving someone to higher consciousness, expressing themself, feeling, giving them permission or something? And if it doesn't hit any of those on the roster, why are people even sharing this? Know, what do you think about that?

I do. Like, one of the things I talk about is I say one of when you're thinking about what story to share or if you should share, people always turn into radio station wiifm. What's in it for me? Yeah. So if you're. You got to turn this around to your audience. Like, if you're sharing something, what is in it for them to hear this? Is there a lesson that they can extrapolate? Like, for me, sharing about the infidelity, it's like, if I was just dumping, like, my mother husband cheated on me with this, and like, I just started going, like, that's just a rant and a dump. But if I'm like, here's what, like, it's been some time. I've processed it. Here's what I learned about my own insecurities. Here's what I realized about myself and the strength that I had to get through it. And here's the lessons that I pulled from it. That is a lesson that people can take. So it wasn't me just dumping that. I'm like, emotionally pissed off and this happened. And so I think you have to go, what's in it? What's in it it for your audience? And also, how does it tie into what you're selling or you're offering? Because again, even that story, if I'm like a car salesman, if I can't figure out how to tie it into, like, what my. Then that doesn't. That's not even a story that needs to be shared either.

I think it's so beautiful and powerful that we live in an age. Like, I remember what it was like to not have a phone and no social media, no Internet. Like, I had a rotary phone when I was a little kid, you know, so, so now I, I'm so grateful that we live in this time. And it can be really easy to see all the negativity around social and be like, fuck Instagram, fuck Facebook, forget about all this bullshit. It's just a bunch of fake idiots. And I've had those moments where I'm like, screw this, man. I'm not posting for like three or four days. But then when I pull back and I realize, like, hmm, how do I come from gratitude and curiosity when I do whatever I do for life and especially if I'm being paid to do whatever I do. Like, you and I operate in a world. World where we're paid to be ourselves.

Yeah. Yeah.

We're paid to be ourselves and put out content that matters for people. How do you stay grounded to you? You know, Because I'm curious. I'm learning for myself as I talk to you.

Yeah.

You know, with, with people that follow you and people that want a piece of your time or they want people that want from you.

Yeah.

How do you stay grounded in you in this process?

One of the things I did a couple years ago is getting out of, like when I was gaining all the weight and all of that stuff, I was following, following so many other fitness influencers, fitness models and that stuff. When I was starting to watch and look at their stuff, it was making me feel bad about myself. I remember I needed to heal. And by heal, I couldn't work out for a long time. And so I remember seeing these girls that were like getting it in 2A days, no excuses. And that would make me go, shoot, you know what? You're right. No excuse. And maybe I should just go on a run. And then I was like, no, you need to rest. Like, you shouldn't be doing cardio right now. And so I'd have these internal beds battles. So I unfollowed and it was like this weird feeling of like, what if she noticed I'm unfollowing her? I hope she doesn't get mad at me. But I started to unfollow people and I, I, my barometer was if, if I, if my first thought is I feel bad about myself or second is like, I'm judging them. Like, look at this. Like, like, if I'm judging them and like seeing nasty things, then I need to unfollow them.

Wow. You have, like a trigger response. Yeah. And if you feel trigger, you just unfollow.

Yeah. So I started to unfollow people that didn't make me feel good. Not like it's their fault. Right. They're not doing anything. They' their life. Not, like, worried about what I'm feeling. And I do think it's silly when people are like, I'm unfollowing, like, cool. Just unfollow. Who cares? But, you know, I'd unfollowed people that weren't serving me and realized that this isn't about me watching all of them. Like, I need to focus on me. So I think to stay grounded, it's like, put the focus back on yourself. We can easily look at, like, comparison. They're being more successful, or they're on this trip, or they're writing this book and this person did this, and it's like, okay, but if I took all of that time and energy that I'm looking at everybody else and put it on my own shit, I'd make. Maybe we'll get some stuff done.

Do you have a sense that technology is the universe expressing consciousness and healing through itself?

What?

I mean, I'll say it again a little slower. Like, I have a sense that when I hear you speak about using social media, consciously helping people, sharing things, doing things that are actually opening up your true feelings gives them the permission to do that. The same. Don't you have a sense that in the grand timeline of life where this never has existed before.

Yeah.

That you are in a position to use technology to express higher consciousness?

Yes.

And that is a part of the universe expressing itself through you, I think.

Absolutely. Yeah. I think that's a really cool way to look at it. I think. You know, it's funny, like you said about the Instagram and all that. It's so many times I'm like, I hate this. And then I'm like, like. But it's also so magical because there's no way that we could influence this many people before and that ideas could be spread this quickly. Like, we're about the plant medicine. How would you have heard of, like, there's so many things that we can learn so quickly and change on a dime. And, like, literally, you know, if somebody's sitting alone in, like, some city in Kansas and they're depressed and they just like. I mean, back when I was like, a teenager. Teenager. If I'm glad for some times there wasn't an Internet back then because I Who knows what I would have been posting on social. But on the other hand, maybe if I was 15 years old, feeling suicidal and I logged on and one of the people I followed was sharing something like that, I would have made me feel better and helped me through it faster. So I think that we can use things for good and for bad and the more often we try to use it to help people elevate their consciousness and get to a better place. I think it's. Yeah, I think, I think it is.

It's like being mindful of your filter, you know, like if you're a 15 and you're in Kansas and social media is going to help you, great. But then on a Tuesday, that might work. On a Friday, you might see somebody that looks prettier than you. And so then there's a shame spiral. And I don't know if there's even an answer to this question. I'm just going to ask it anyways. How does one manage their swiping, their time, their consumption of this social? Yeah, how do they, how do we do this?

It's still a process for me. I remember when I first started, started if, you know, Facebook was big and new and the algorithms weren't there. So I would post something and I would get hundreds of comments like instantly. And I.

The good old days.

Yeah, I know when you could get.

A, you could actually like reach people on Facebook.

It was the good old days. It was a good old days. But it was also like I felt this pressure to reply to everybody.

Okay.

And so I was on the phone all the time and I was constantly like taking. And I remember my husband being so upset. He was like, dude, you're on the phone all the time. I'm like, yeah, but this is my job. So I, it's like it was this double edged sword of yes, it's my job, but also I couldn't put it away way. And there got to a point where I was like, there has to be boundaries. And we never had this before, right? Like we. There was no rules about boundaries when you're using your phone or social media and I think you do have to create those for yourself. I started doing one thing where I would put my phone on airplane mode at 10pm and not take it off till 8am So I couldn't, I didn't want to touch it. It wasn't, there weren't notifications because if the, if you even see the phone light up in the corner, you go, I just want to go.

Or the buzzing sound.

Yeah, so all notifications off till 8 in the morning at least. And just really just going, okay, what am I on here for? You know, making a decision. Like, am I pain. Pain shopping? Like, am I looking for reasons to feel bad about myself today?

Like, what am I? Pain shopping?

Yeah.

That's an interesting term.

Yeah, Jill told me. Where'd you pain shopping, I think it was from.

I mean, I get it already.

Yeah.

I think we all understand it.

Who wrote the book the Truth?

Neil Strauss.

Neil Strauss. I think it's from Neil Strauss Strauss, the paint shopping. But yeah, yeah, you're looking for more reasons to be more upset, right? It's like you can go through a breakup and then you're like, let me find someone else. And then you just, you're. You keep looking for more things to be upset about.

Play sad music. I'm gonna watch the Notebook really loud.

So I think sometimes we go on social media to do just that.

I think so.

I think we do.

Yeah. Oh, it's just, it really comes back to self awareness and mindfulness. And I know people are listening. They're like, oh, it's too simple. Yeah, it's too simple to just be self aware and be mindful. But are you doing it?

Yeah.

It ain't that simple when you try to do it.

Oh, yeah. Like Jim Rohn, he's like, it's simple, but it's not easy. You know, things are. There's a simple answer. It doesn't mean it's easy to do. It doesn't mean it's easy to turn your phone off. But, you know, I think it can be that simple as unfollowing people that you don't get don't make you angry. Like for me, I don't watch the news. I do not watch the news. I know some people are like, you need to know what's going on. But I'm like, no. Okay. Do you know how biased it is? My, My family is very conservative. They, Fox News, you know, all of that. And then I live in California most of the time and all of my friends out here are like cnn, very liberal. And so I see these both sides and I, I listen to the conversations of my like really, really liberal friends and they're just like all getting up in arms about politics. And then I go listen to my parents and they're all up in arms about politics. And I, I remember one day I was at the airport. CNN was on. I watched some story and then I went to my parents house and the same story was on, but it was Very, very different story. And, and I was like, you know what's funny, Mom? If you put this on cnn, you'd hear a very different story. And they're like, yeah, but that's not correct. And I'm like, but they're gonna say yours isn't correct. So the issue is, I'm like, there's no, like, true news out there. I just refuse to be a part of it.

How interesting is it as a metaphor that the way that people consume news from a, quote, trusted source is the same way that they trust the monkey mind when it tells them news that isn't true?

Yeah.

Isn't it interesting how we live in an environment where we're being fed information, information. So our ability to tend the mental garden comes from what are the monkey mind thoughts that are really true and what aren't? And what's the news that's really true and what isn't? I think it comes down to. I'm curious how you feel about this. I think it comes down to the community, the people that we have specific conversations with, and honestly having. Having a line of demarcation where I just don't talk about certain things.

Yeah.

Because they're super low vibration. It's not about me spiritually bypassing them.

Them.

I've explored the out of them. Yeah, I know what they feel like. I just choose to not engage in certain conversations. I am glad you said healthy boundaries. Right. What do you. What's your sense on that?

Well, I'm so glad you said that because I was accused once I saw a thread, somebody screenshotted something they said that had. Was completely out of context. It had to do with. They put it on a post that had to do with race, which it wasn't about. And they blurred out my name, but you could still see my, my name. And somebody tagged me. They were like, they saw my name, tagged me and they were like, yeah, you're spiritual bypassing. And I was like, okay, first off, this is out of context. Second off, this was more like a race conversation. And I was like, you know, I'm not going to get in this conversation online because my, the friends that I have that are people of color, different backgrounds, different races, like we have different conversations than I'm seeing on the news. And so I sure, we can look for all the, the reasons why things are terrible and whether they're not, but in my reality, and maybe that's just the problem, I don't know. But I think we can create what our reality looks like. But when I Have a real conversation with real people. It never looks as bad as it does out there. And so I think for me, too, there are certain things that I've had pressure. I've had people say, well, you're an influencer. You should be talking about this.

You should be.

Yeah, you should be talking about this. You should bring these up. And I'm like, you know, for me, if I feel like I'm empowering people. People, if I feel like I'm empowering women, or if I feel like I'm doing my job for that, then that is where I'm going to stay. That's my lane.

And the word should is the one that hit me. Yeah. I think another. We talked about, like, this concept of, like, what's true, what's not, what's the barometer? I think a barometer of truth is if someone's saying a statement and there's the word should in that statement, the whole statement needs to be rethought.

Yeah.

I think that's the first barometer. If I'm telling you, Danielle, you know, you really should think about wearing pants that don't have a fade in the hole in them.

Right.

Am I judging? Yeah, because that's me projecting something onto you. Really A better way to ask a question, and this goes for all of us, is like, tell me about what you feel when you do that thing, or, hey, I'm curious about learning why you do the thing, you, the way you do it.

Yeah.

There's such a better way to use language. And, like, I'm fascinated by language. I don't know if this is something that your friends and you check each other on. I know Jade's huge with language, but I, I, as we wrap up the show here, because I could talk to you for another three hours, I just want to let you know. I don't even know what time it is. But one thing I wanted to ask you is because you use words for a living and because you're out there and, and with this podcast that you have, are you mindful of the words that you use, or do you just let it rip?

Both. I was definitely more of a let it rip in the beginning, which I think is helpful. I think that you can, you know, there's a line in the sand, and you can be that person who just says whatever. And I think there's utility in that. I think there's utility in just, like, telling things how it is. Yes. But that being said, I am, when I'm making a post, I am very mindful about how I say something and how it comes across. Because, like. Like this last post about depression, I'm like, I don't want people to pity me. I want them to realize that this is, like, a story of strength and that you can have this, too. So I will spend an hour, two hours. When I'm writing an Instagram post, I will sometimes write something. I'll put it away and come back the next day and reread it from a Different eyes and different perspectives. One thing Jill does, it's kind of funny, and it made me start thinking about it. She says she watches her story as if she's someone else. She's like, okay, I'm watching my story as Jade. I'm watching my story as my boyfriend. And I'm like, okay. So I'm like, if I'm this person and I read it, how would I read it? And so I really am very intentional about my writing. Sometimes what comes out of my mouth is ridiculous.

The mouth is a whole different story.

And, you know, and you've known me a while, I used to do interpretations. Appropriate Picture Friday. And sometimes I say things for shock value. I like to debate. I like to argue.

That's just your inner rascality. That's, like, kind of why we're here, too, is to have fun. Yeah.

And so I'll say things that are just like. Maybe I'll intentionally trigger somebody or just, like, want to rile up or just start a conversation. Because I think some things I'll play devil's advocate on something I don't even believe in, just to. Just to have the conversation. You know, I've had, like, those kind of arguments all the time where my mom would go crazy. I'd be like. I'd argue something. And then at the end, I'm like, I don't even believe that. I just wanted to see. She's getting so upset. I'm like, I just. I'm like. I actually fully agree with you. I just wanted to argue the other side and see where you came from.

So, yeah, this is. This is the many aspects of life. And the Best Life is your podcast.

Yes.

So what is this all about? Besides the title that says what it's about? But what is it about to you? This. This Best Life. I remember when you first started it. Yeah, I was.

I was excited, you know, like the first episodes we really talked about, it was straight up coming out of our marriages and look like kind of if you looked on the outside, like, the worst time of my life. I just had to move away, lost everything. So I felt, you know, a suitcase sleeping on my friend's couch. And so Jill and I were. She lived in Santa Monica. She had left her marriage, and we were sitting there drinking wine, and we were. She lived right back from the pier and watching the sunset, and we're drinking wine, and she's like, you know, this is the best life, isn't it? And she's like, isn't it cool we get to be here? And that was like this instant shift in perspective of, like, yeah, I'm here in LA because I had to leave my marriage, but also I get to be here. And ultimately back to. You get to choose how you like. You don't get to choose what happens. You can only choose how you react. The best life is that it's like, guess what? Shit happens. Life is not easy. We don't always get to choose everything, but we can go, this is the. This is the best life. Like, it really is the fucking best. Like, even sitting here right now, I'm like, I'm in San Diego. Diego, Josh Trent's studio. We're having a fun conversation, like, this is the best life.

Yeah.

And I think ultimately it's just that it's like, I can look at all the bad stuff. I can look at. You know, we all have a million reasons to say why things suck, but if you really look around and you just can be really grateful, you get to say, like, this is the best.

Love this. Everything's going to be in the show notes. Thank you for reminding us to gather the evidence that we're loved, that we're supported, that we're on the right path, and that sometimes doesn't work out, and that's okay.

Yeah, a lot of times it doesn't.

A lot of times it doesn't. My last question, and this is cool because, like, two plus years ago, you answered it.

Yeah.

I'm gonna link the other podcast so people can feel the difference in you.

Yeah.

What is wellness? You know, we talk about physical and emotional intelligence, and I feel like intelligence is about. It's about gathering, it's about applying, but then lastly, it's about embodying. You know, when somebody just feels. Feels. You can feel their intelligence.

Yeah.

How would you define wellness? You know, the physical, the emotional, spiritual. What does that mean to you? Well, what's wellness in your life now?

Yeah, wellness. It's funny when. When we, you know, when you and I first met, it was so much for me about physical.

Like, it was stairmaster for, like, 45 minutes. In the morning I'd be like, hello, yeah, five in the morning.

Training people, eating the right foods and as if taking caffeine pills. Yeah, eating the right foods, getting the right, right amount of exercise in getting this, the exact, you know, five to six days a week and this many things. Like there was a formula and I don't think there's necessarily a formula for wellness. For me, wellness really is just, I don't really want to use the word balance, but it's kind of just a piece. It's mental peace. It's physical peace. Like for me, it's funny with food now, I could take or leave, you know, a pizza, I'm like, cool. Before I used to just obsess or like I can't eat that until I do with certain things to earn it. And then I could have it on the weekends, weekends. And to me now, wellness is really just integrating like where I'm not obsessing over any one thing. I feel good in my body, I am healthy, I have vibrance, I have fun. And I think that that is a piece that I didn't think about before is just fun laughter. So having laughter, having joy in relationships and then physically just feeling well and doing your best, that's, that's wellness.

Danny J. I knew you as Danielle, but everyone else knows you as Danny J. Thanks for coming on Wellness for us. Thank you for your friendship being so open and honest today. This has been super fun and I'm glad you're in my life and I'm glad that you do what you do. So thanks for coming on the show.

Ditto. Thank you.

Hey, thanks for listening to the show, my friend. Everything you learned on this podcast starts with your morning practices. So from over 300 world class guests, we pulled together six simple yet powerful morning practices down into a 21 minute system guaranteed to increase your vibration and the way that you feel every day. Get this free powerful guide over@wellnessforce.com M21 and if you love this show, share it with somebody. Share it with somebody that you love or that you care about. You can support the show easily by leaving us a five star review on iTunes. Just go to wellnessforce.com review or if you're on your phone, just tap it right. Hit the link in purple that says review this podcast and the journey does not stop here. We're continuing this discovering process in our private Facebook group over@wellnessforce.com group. You can be a part of it. You already are. All you have to do is join us@wellnessforce.com group and I will welcome you at the door. Now go out into your life and live your life well. And until I see you again real soon, I'm wishing you love and wellness.

Sam.