A Live Therapy Session between Dr. Richard Schwartz & Josh Trent (IFS)
A filmed Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy session in which Dr. Richard Schwartz guides Josh Trent through contacting and caring for dissociated inner parts (notably a 9-year-old and a 17-year-old) carrying a legacy burden of sexual shame. The session includes: locating sensations (throat, heart), eliciting compassion and trust, apologizing for prior silencing, unpacking the origin of shame (father, lineage, pornography, Pentecostal upbringing), symbolic unloading of burdens to earth/wind, and reintegrating parts into new, play-oriented roles. Dr. Schwartz emphasizes follow-up maintenance: regularly checking in with the two inner boys and working with the silencing part so the progress "sticks."
Chapters
There are so many, what we call exiled little kids who are in that position with their parents. And, you know, for them, if they don't heal that person, then they're not going to get taken care of. So they're desperate because, you know, they feel like their life depends on being able to take. To make their parent better.
Yes.
And so, you know, if I were working with you and I. And maybe you've already done this with that boy, but I would have you find him in your body, and I would get you to a point where he just had nothing but compassion for him, and then have him show you what it was like back there, show you where he's stuck back there with the mom. And then I would have you, as yourself, enter that scene and be with that boy in a way that he needed. And, I mean, we could do this if you want at some point.
I mean, I can feel. I can feel in my throat the emotion of that boy right now.
Okay.
I just had my mom here for two weeks. It was the biggest spiritual journey that I've ever been on. I intellectualized a lot of my healing, and even when I spoke at the conference in front of all these people, it was true for me then, it's true for me now. But I can also feel the building of energy coming to my throat chakra as you're even speaking about him right now. So I'm not here to get a Dr. Schwartz. Dick Schwartz, free therapy session, but I. I think it would be profound to be able to show people the power of your work through me. If you're open to that.
No, if you're open to it, it really. Oh, People don't get it unless they see it. So I'm.
I'm here. I'm. I'm here, and I'm grateful for it. Yeah.
Oh, fantastic. All right. Yeah. So you're feeling it come up in your throat mainly, or where do you feel it? Where do you feel the.
Right. In my throat.
All right. Yeah. And as you notice from there, how do you feel toward him?
Like he's going to take me to a place that I can't escape from.
Okay, so you have some fear of him, A fear of that happening?
Yeah, there's actually frustration because I. I'm 45 years old, and I feel like I've done so much work with him, but yet he still is running the show a lot of the time.
Yeah. Well, we can probably fix that if these other parts, the frustrated guy and the one who's afraid of being taken there could Give us the space. So just see if those guys. Those parts could open some space in there so you could open your mind and your heart to him and just see how possible that is. Josh. Yeah.
He wants to be in peace. He wants to be with me.
He wants what I want, so we're gonna arrange that. But how are you feeling toward him now?
I'm feeling like I'm just so sorry for him. Like I just a little.
Yeah, Yeah.
I just want to hold him. I just want to. I just want to hold him. And I'm. I'm feeling sorry because I've held him so many times, and then now it's like he doesn't trust me to hold him so that he can actually let the emotion move through.
Yeah. So just go ahead and hold him again in this compassionate way and just see how he reacts. Now, if it's true he doesn't trust you, that's okay. We just found out.
He wants to trust me. He doesn't. He doesn't fully trust me.
Yeah. So ask him about that. Ask him why he doesn't fully trust you, given that you've tried to be with him so often.
He says you'll. You'll let me feel and you'll let me express for a time, and then you. And then you silence me. He's.
Okay. So does that make sense that he would feel that way? Yeah.
Yeah.
So if it's sincere, maybe you could apologize to him for doing that to him over and over.
I'm so sorry.
I'm.
This is my life's work, is to hear you. I just want to hear you.
That's great. Yeah. And. And there is some other part that would silence him, right?
Yeah.
So tell him you're going to work with that other part, too, so it doesn't keep happening. Yes. And see, if he wants us to do that first or if he's okay trusting that you'll follow up and do it on your own.
He's. He says he just wants to play, and he. He just wants to trust that he can play, but he can't play until he knows I've got him.
Okay. So how's he feeling in terms of trusting you now?
He really trusts me now because you're here, and he wonders what it'll be like with. With you gone.
Well, that's really good question. So do you have an answer, Josh? In other words, on your own, can you come to him in this compassionate way and not silence him?
Yes. Yeah. I'm here to listen.
Yeah. Just let him know that either today or on your own, you'll work with that silencing part so he doesn't have to worry about that. Yeah. So now ask if there's more he needs you to know about what happened to him in the past. And don't think, just wait and see what comes from him.
He always was. He always felt like sex was wrong, like it was a bad thing.
Okay. And ask more about why he thought that. He.
He saw Playboys on my dad's table really young and he thought that's what sex was. But then my dad was hiding the Playboys and then. And then he suppressed his own sexual energy and put it in this shame locker that sex was shame and sex was not good.
Yeah.
He was just learning from his father because his father did the same thing.
That's right. So let him know. That makes total sense that he would do that.
It makes sense.
Yeah. See if there's more he wants you to get about it. How about a Wes?
No. I'm going to this place when I'm 17 and my. He's this like nine year old is connected to this 17 year old. And the 17 year old was already feeling shameful and wounded about sex. And the 17 year old had his first girlfriend. And the. His father found condoms in the laundry. And then the 17 year old didn't have a trustworthy relationship with his father. So when his father confronted him, he lied and said that the condoms were his brothers. And then his father went behind his back and told his first girlfriend, his first love of his life, that his daughter was having sex with my son. And I ended up breaking up. And then I came home and it was this argument and I left home at 17 and there's just so much sexual shame. Like, it's like. It's almost like the energy of. My father didn't want me to have sex and had his own sexual shame. And coming from his own Pentecostal father with, with dogmatic judgment of sexuality and it's just this weird. I'm like, it's almost like, like I feel like I need to throw up. It's like this sexual shame throughout my lineage on the male side.
Yeah.
Sex had to be. Had to be hid and sex was, was not good. And he's just feeling that shame.
So. Josh, this is what we call a legacy burden. So this is. You're right. It's passed down through the generations.
I can feel it.
Yeah. And you know, it doesn't belong to either of these boys. They inherited it. And let them know, you see that now.
Yeah, I see it.
How do they react to the insane now with that?
They just want to, like lay down and take a nap because they're so exhausted in fighting.
Yeah. First, ask if they'd like to unload this legacy garden of sex being bad.
Yes. Yes.
Should we do it one at a time or they want to do it together? Just check.
The nine year old is angry that he got introduced by pornography to sex. The 17 year old is angry that his father tried to shame him for loving a woman and having sex with her.
Okay. Yeah. So let's. Let's do it one at a time. So let's. You want to do the 17 year old first?
Yes.
All right. So go to him in that time period and just tell me when you're there with him.
I'm there with him.
How are you being with him?
I'm just putting my hand on his back.
Perfect. How's he reacting?
He's confused.
He's confused about who you are or what's he's just confused about.
He's confused about why. Why God wants to experience it. God's self through my father. And why my father is carrying this legacy burden. He's trying to understand. He's just trying to understand.
So can you help him with that? Can you explain some of this to him? Yes. So go ahead and do that.
Yeah. This came long before you, and it's not yours.
That's right.
It's not yours. I'm so sorry you had to experience this because this isn't who you are. I know. Your love for that woman was pure. And sex is not wrong. Sex is beautiful, Josh. Sex is beautiful.
It's beautiful. How's he reacting? How's he reacting to this?
He. He know. He believes.
He.
He believes that in his heart, he believes that's the truth.
To ask him where he carries this legacy burden. In his body or on his body?
He carries it in his and in his heart.
Yeah. And ask if he is ready now to unload it if he could.
He's ready.
All right. Then ask what he'd like to give it all up to. Light, water, fire, wind, earth. Anything else.
He wants to give it to the earth.
All right, so tell him to let that all out of his body and let it go into your earth. There's no need for him to carry that anymore until it's all out of them.
He's smiling, he's happy. He wants to play. He wants to play.
Perfect. Have him check his body, though, to be sure we got all of it.
Yes. Yes.
That's great. So, yeah, he can play. And then now let's go to the nine year old. Yes. And same thing. Go into that time period with him and be there the way he needed somebody. Okay. How are you being with him?
I'm actually holding him on my lap. I have my arm around his whole body and I'm holding him on my knee.
How is he reacting?
He's like, thank God you're here for me.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Let him know he's not going to be alone again. And same question for him. Where does he carry this shame about sex? In his body or on his body?
He says that he just. He learned it from dad.
Huh.
And it's like this weird. Like he felt bad that his dad had to use magazines and porn.
Huh.
Like he, like some like 9 year old Josh is telling me, like a part of him knew this was weird. A part of him knew this was distortion.
Yeah.
But he did it anyway because he's a kid. He's a little kid.
Right. What do you say to him about all that?
I say to him, I am so sorry that your father thought that that was real. That your father thought that that was the way sex was. Yeah, because he learned it from his father.
That's right.
And that's not who you are, Josh. That's not who you are. You're a beautiful being that doesn't have to walk that path. You don't have to go that way. I'm here for you. And that's not the truth.
How's he reacting?
He just wants to, like, cry for half of a day. And he wants somebody to teach him what sex is. What sex really is.
What do you say to him about that request?
I say, I'll teach you. Yeah, I'm here for you. I'll teach you right now.
That's great. How's that sound to him? He.
He's interested. He's like, what is sec. What is sex? That's what he said. What is sexual? What is it all about?
That's great. Now, before we go further with him, see if he'd like to leave that time and place and come live with you somewhere.
Yes.
Yes. All right, so take him to you or wherever he wants to go and just tell me when he's out of there.
Yeah, we're at the park together.
Okay, good. And Ptolemy never has to go back there and that you are gonna teach him about sex and you are gonna be a good parent to him.
I've got you. And you never have to go back there ever again and you are fully released from ever having to enter that realm ever again. I'm right here for you.
That's right. And see if with that, he's ready now to unload the feelings and beliefs he got back there.
Yes, he's ready.
Where does he carry all that? In his body or on his body?
He carries it in his heart.
Yeah. What would he like to give it all up to? Light, water, fire, wind, earth. Anything else?
He wants to give it to wind. He wants it to blow away.
Perfect. So bringing the wind. And tell him just let it out of his heart and let the wind carry it away when he drove. Make sure he gets it all out.
Wow. It's almost like he. He's telling me, like, well, what will I do without it? I've attached to it for so long.
Yeah. Tell them we'll figure that out.
Okay, we'll figure that out. Yeah, we'll figure that out.
Yeah. I mean, if he's too scared to let it go, he doesn't have to, but.
No, he wants to let it go. He's just. He's having an identity transformation of like, who am I without it.
Yeah, we'll figure that out. Just reassure him. But tell me what. It's all out of him. Ah.
Yeah. Now there's just joy. Now there's just joy. Because there can be joy where there was once weight.
That's right. And that, you know, in terms of who is he going to be? He can be this joy.
Yeah.
He can just be a happy little kid. Yeah.
Yeah.
How's that sound to him?
Oh, he's ecstatic. He's ecstatic. Yeah.
And then, Josh, before we stop, let's bring in the parts that we had to get to step back in the beginning. Do you remember them? The.
The silencer.
Yeah, the silencer. The one who was afraid of these guys. The ones who might be ashamed of them. So have them come in and see both the 17 year old and the 9 year old. They don't have to worry about now and just see how they react.
No, it's like my whole body just melted to the floor.
That's right. Yeah. They've been carrying a lot of weight too, So they can relax into new roles too.
Yeah, they're actually really happy. They're like, thank God.
Yeah, it's great.
They're like, thank God. Like, they want. They want to go rest and like read a book.
Yeah.
Just. They just want to be.
Tell them they can do that and go. Yeah, okay. Does that Feel complete for now.
It feels liberating.
Yeah, that's right. So this will stick if you follow up. So on your own, mainly all you need to do is maintain this by checking in with these two boys frequently, making sure they're still in their good roles, and reminding the others they don't need to silence them anymore. They don't need to fear them or feel ashamed of them. Wow.
Thank you. So. So I actually, I had some nervousness about people seeing this part of Josh, but I just don't give a shit. Cause I know that what you just gave me this gift, you just gave it to thousands of other people in this same moment. Yeah, thousands, thousands.
I trust that. And you gave it to them because you had the courage to do it. Yeah.
I'm so grateful. Because getting this from your heart and your mind and you as a soul is profound and fundamental in ways that other mentors, coaches and therapists have attempted to do. And I really appreciate the fact that you said the sticking power comes with the continued conversation of the parts of the 9 and the 17. That is something I am taking very sacredly and very seriously.
The nine year old initially said that you would give him a voice for a little while, but then you would shut them down again.
Yeah.
So it's really incumbent on you to got to earn his trust and show that you're not going to do that. It's a lot easier to not do that since he's in a good place now.
Yeah. And especially since we've just done it in public on the Internet at the same time. So my team and my woman and people are going to say, how are you checking in with. With 9 and 17 year old Josh?
All right. Yeah. You got a lot of people holding you accountable.
Oh, my gosh.
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