Dark Night of The Soul: How To Make Peace With Your Inner War

What's up, everybody? It's Josh Trent. Welcome to the podcast. I am here for an ama. What does AMA stand for? It stands for Ask me anything. Because to the degree that we're willing to go into any subject, that's the degree we're liberated. I've always shared on this podcast that we are only as liberated as our darkest secrets. Mark, can you relate to this? By the way, y', all, if you haven't met Mar, she's our co host. Mar is literally the ride or die that goes deep with me offering the feminine perspective, which is so vital. Also your own human perspective on these AMAs. Do you agree with this, Mar? Do you resonate with what I'm sharing right now?

I do. And I'm still letting it unfold for myself because there might be secrets I don't even know about. And I think that's where all the magic happens. It's when you tap into all the unconscious stuff, all the secrets you've hidden from yourself. Even I think that's when the real change happens.

Yeah, I love that you said hidden from yourself. How many ways do we. I'm raising my hand. Hide things from ourselves. And it's no knock on us as human beings. Like, we're all doing the best we can with the level of awareness, level of consciousness we have. And it really begs a deep question. What is the point of all this suffering, right? Like why? Why do we suffer so much? What is this all about? And how do we make meaning and love with and through the suffering? We have a question today from our listener, Jared. I think I'm saying his last name correctly. Jared Fatik. Is it Fatik or Fatique? I'm guessing it's Fatik, probably. Anyways, Jared is asking a powerful question. Now, before we get into this, I want to let y' all know that this is our commitment on this podcast. Not just AMAs, but every full length podcast. And that is to take these large concepts of information and simplify them down into digestible pieces that you can practically use in your life today at any time. That's the goal. So some of the things we talk about are very esoteric, they're very long ranging. But today, the intention is to reach the heart of anybody that's having a dark night of the soul and show you ways that you can begin this ending of the war, how you can make peace with your inner war. So, as always, this show is free. There's no fee for this show, but if you're already buying wellness products, just head over to JoshTrent.com store and get the hookup. I've cut out the middleman so you can get the best prices for the best organic everything you ever need for your body from head to toe@joshtrend.com store. Mara, let's get into this today. This is a really deep one. Did you listen to the question already or are we just going to listen to it live together?

I just listened to it briefly, but I did. I wanted to leave the real things that come up for the live session so that it's all like, very new and authentic. So let's listen to this.

Full transparency. I haven't heard this. We're going to hear it live right now. So let's get into this question.

Hey, Josh, thanks for reinviting me to submit my question. How can I understand the role of vice as a guide during my dark night of the soul? And how do I integrate the wisdom it offers while moving towards wholeness? I feel I'm in a big moment in my life of self discovery. I've had a pretty crazy, weird, wild year divorcing my high school sweetheart and I met a woman in ayahuasca ceremony in Peru and in. In June. And I love this woman and we've decided to take a separation. And I've just. She's been such a mirror and an amplifier for everything, for each other, like, for everything that she's going through, everything that I'm going through. And I just realized, like, I have had a porn addiction since I was, you know, a child. And I brought that into my marriage and, you know, hid it. And it's very clear how all that kind of manifested. And I just lost the respect, lost all the libido in my relationship. And then, you know, you know, getting that back in this relationship, I've had, like, no draw towards it at all. But I have just been chasing women since I divorced and. But then I found this woman and everything changed and I wanted to shape it up and everything. And yeah, I just realized now that we're separated that it just comes back. It's like I want to. I want to fuck, fuck and like, not think about it and. But then I don't want to ruin the chances of going back. So I'm just, like, so torn right now, you know, and it's just. It feels so childish, but it's also so important.

Wow. First of all, I can relate. I've shared many times on the podcast that I have struggled in my past with porn. It is a very, very deep Black hole. So my heart goes out to you, Jared, for, first of all, having the courage to even share this. Like, how amazing is it more that people that don't even know me, that just listen to our AMAs or listen to the podcast, have the courage to actually speak in the way that Jared just spoke? So I'm smiling and my heart is blasted open because, y', all, this is what we need. This is what we're all thirsty for. Like, come on, what are we doing if we're not doing this? So, Jared, one thing that I heard you say that really flagged my consciousness is you said this porn addiction has been there, but one thing that you really said that hit hard. You said, I've been chasing women. I've been chasing women. And this is actually a real big challenge because my intention today is to deliver my wisdom and Mara deliver her wisdom so we can stop the war. Right? So if we're chasing something or if we're battling, should I or should I not? It can feel like a war, right, Mar? I mean, have you ever had times in your life where you had a war in your mind? You're like, what is this war even about? Yes. Does that happen for you?

Yeah, it happens quite often, actually. I remember I mentioned it to you last week in our meeting that I had this inner war between the motivation that I wanted to have versus the actions I was actually taking to not do anything to avoid doing the things that I actually wanted to do. So there's like this one part of me that wants it and the other part of me that's trying to sabotage me. So that's the inner war I've been dealing with lately.

Thanks for sharing. Because what you just shared is actually the foundation of what Jared spoke upon. And it's what we all do when we are suffering. We look for the meaning. Like I believe Jared even said, what is this all about? I divorced my high school sweetheart. I'm going through all this pain now. Jared, I'm going to say this with respect. You are being called forth to be a man. That's what this is about. I'm 44. I'm still learning how to be an embodied man. I don't have it completely mastered at all. But at 44, I can tell you that when I look back on my 20 year old self, and even in my early 30s, the reason that I was chasing women and I was addicted to porn, and I said this many times, but it's borrowed wisdom from Gabor Matei. Addiction is a disconnection from self or others. Right. Addiction is the opposite of connection. So it's the disconnection, it's the lack of connection to self that thinks it's going to find pseudo connection by running outside of itself. Well, the meanwhile, your soul is sitting there asking for connection. That's what this is really about. Right? Right. And so I'll speak with respect, but I'll also speak with conviction here. Your pain is the biggest tool for your growth. So you're experiencing porn as an addictive nature, or you're experiencing chasing women and feeling hollow in yourself, because every man has this biological drive to replicate. Women have it too. But as men, it's been so normalized in our society by Instagram and pornhub and all these aspects of how women are literally objectified on such a deep level, such a deep level, the objectification of women, that it not only becomes normalized for men. The sad part is many women fall into thirst traps where they unknowingly normalize it with their behavior. Maybe that's a whole separate podcast. What I'm getting at here is like, when you are addicted to porn, Jared, and when you're going deep into the aspects of any addiction, you. You have to keep feeding it more. I remember when I was deep in addiction, I had to keep going to more aggressive scenes. I had to keep watching really gross stuff that I went through a massive purging process over and actually mar. When we were doing breathwork here during our retreat, there was still residue in there that I ended up sharing with the group at 44 years old that I didn't even know I didn't know was there. In other words, I had unconscious incompetence to the residue that pornography created in my signature of living, that I got to belch out and burp out and breathe out through my breathwork ceremony. The reason I'm sharing this is because I chased women, too. And I think it's just this really challenging thing that we experience as men. Because on one hand, you're a biological being filled with testosterone. Right. And so when you're in your 20s, like, you're basically a walking testosterone stick where you're just looking to hook up and play and do all these things. Am I here to say that conscious sex from that place is wrong? No, I'm not. If you really love someone and you feel like you respect them and you have a unique connection, I think that sex is a beautiful way to experience love. Or that's why it's called love making. Right. That's the whole Point of it all. But what happens is, is in uncertainty. Myself and all of us as men, we fall into this trap where we reach for something that we can create as certain and an orgasm, or that deep breath after you orgasm, or even the feeling of, like the rush you get from catecholamines and epinephrine and norepinephrine when you're using porn, masturbating with porn, or using women to masturbate. Because essentially that's what unconscious sex is. You're using a woman's body to masturbate with. The reason why this has been so normalized is because souls like you, Jared, are rare. Souls that want to reflect and go deep into why their behavior is showing up in a way that they despise is rare. Now we're making it less rare. We're bringing the conversation to the Internet and the world through this podcast. But really what you get to do is you get to take a deep breath and you get to go to this prayer. And I promise you, this prayer can be the starting place for anything and anybody that's dealing with pornography addiction or having a dark night of the soul. This will help you. You get very quiet. You turn off your phone. If you want to do breath work before you can, you put both hands on your heart, you take a big deep breath in through your nose, you fill your belly, And you do that enough times to where you feel clear. And then you just, with a really humble heart, just ask God, Ask God for wisdom. And you say, God, what is it that I most need to learn and how can I be most humble to learn it? God, what is it that I most need to learn and how can I be most humble to learn it? And you just continue to say that over and over and over again. I remember there was a very similar prayer, yet different, that Paramahasa Yogananda talked about in the Autobiography of a Yogi when he was asking for guidance from God. He asked questions like that to God for, I think, an entire week or a month. And eventually the answer became clear. So, Jared, what I'm saying, you must have the courage to be in this for the long haul. You must know that the pain you're experiencing is your most beautiful teacher. I'm not making light of your pain, Jared, but the reason you're addicted is because there is a disconnection or a rejection of a part of you. Maybe it's the feminine part of you. Maybe it's the part of you that wants to feel vulnerable but can't. Maybe you were raised by a mom that didn't give you the signal for trust where you could be vulnerable. Maybe your dad wasn't there, I don't know. But the process of healing starts with an honest, gentle inquiry from your heart, from your soul, to that which created you. And obviously, Jared, your question came to us through the Paul Check episode. So you already know that God isn't a bearded man in the sky. God is the energy that creates all things and is also, paradoxically, no thing. At the same time, you get to honor the mystery of God by just asking a humble question to God over and over and over again until somewhat of a little answer becomes clear. And it honestly may just be like a whisper. It may just be like, go talk to that person or message Josh on the podcast. Maybe this is actually the direction from God that your soul is seeking. Just you being in conscious inquiry about this question. So when it comes to pornography, it is a very deep monster. And. And for me, the monster is always in the corner of the room doing push ups at any time. I could relapse, I could go back to that world, I could. But it doesn't draw to me anymore. I can walk into a room with a monster in the corner and just look at it and just send it love. But I can do that because I have gone through such a deep, painful spiritual process of letting go of the hooks of pornography. Because when the hooks come around, I know exactly how to give myself what I need without hurting myself anymore. And what we really need as men isn't found in porn, isn't found in using women's bodies to masturbate through unconscious sex. Or what we really get to have as men is love for ourselves and nurturing for ourselves that, to be honest, our parents probably couldn't have given us anyways. And your football coach and your teacher and your society and your school and your friends, they all unknowingly participate in tacit approval of solidifying this pornography normalization and over sexualization of women. Because that's part of the depressed economic system that runs in this world. The system of sickness only runs when we keep feeding it. And the sickness of the system when it comes to pornography is fed by unconscious souls. So I just want to share. You're in the perfect place, Jared. You're in an amazing place. We'll go deeper into the layers, but I want to flip it to Mar, because, Mara, I believe you've mentioned before, you haven't struggled with pornography at all. No, no, no, no.

Never been an issue.

Okay. But as a woman share what kind of pain it causes a woman to be with a man who's battling pornography addiction or battling sex addiction. What does that bring to a woman to have to decide upon what pain does that bring to a woman because she's with a man that is experiencing that? And by the way, Jared, this is not to shame. This is just to go into the depths of the pain as possible. Because the answer is here.

Well, I believe I've only had one experience which was very brief, and don't have the confirmation that he was addicted to porn. But from his behavior, I could deduct that he was. And it's just. It doesn't feel real. It feels like you're trying to perform. It doesn't feel like there's any connection. It's just like scripted thing that's supposed to look and be a certain way, but there's. There's no real feelings. There's. I don't know, it's just such emptiness. Like, even though you're so connected with the person, like, you get as close as you possibly can with another human being, but still you feel so disconnected. So I feel like that's what it felt like.

Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. Because you know, Jared, in order to grow from pain, we have to have the courage to feel it in its absolute depth. So obviously you're feeling this pain, but actually, we talked about this last week, Mara. I'm just so amazed that the layers of awareness feed into each other. I was on a beach in Maui this year with my mentor Margo, who's been on the show before, and she flipped open a Rumi poem. And Rumi says that the cure for the pain is the pain. So the cure for your pain here is to go into the depths of this pain so fully and feel it so deeply that even in you feeling the pain itself, you can develop the skill set and the spiritual and mental maturity to be able to just lift your hand up to pornography and say no at any time. But the only way you can be forged and you can really figure that out isn't from your head. And this is the part that messed with me more for so long. I put blockers on my computer. I did pornography programs. I even went to, like, an SA meeting going. Cause I thought that, oh, maybe I'm a sex addict. The only thing that really healed me was actually a blessing through ayahuasca that pushed me so deep into my pain and gave me such a psychic break where I was throwing up in a bucket on the face of My future son with Ayahuasca shouting at me so loud, saying, if you continue to watch porn, this is what your life will become. You are vomiting on the soul of your unborn son. That was the severity that I needed. I mean, I can still feel that right now just talking to you about it. And that was 2019. Do you have to go to Ayahuasca to have that experience? No, you don't. And actually, for two years, I recovered from that experience, which I've talked about many times on the show and with Paul on our episode. I don't wish that experience on anyone. But what it really taught me was it's in the uncertainty and me embracing the uncertainty of what's going to happen if I continue down this road. Well, I'll tell you, friend, once you have enough behavior that puts you in so much pain, you know exactly what's going to happen. If you continue down that road. You don't have any uncertainty. The scary part is, who would you become without the porn? Who would you be without that relief valve? Who would you be if you're an alcoholic and you didn't have the drink? Who would you be if you were a workaholic and you didn't have an 80 hour work week? Who would you be if you actually turned and faced your family and said, I'm sorry for the ways that I've shown up and I'm here to make it better? Who would you be? It really boils down to an identity, Jared, because the identity that you get to have is that you're never alone. That's what this is all about, man. You're not alone. It may feel like you're alone. It may feel at times that you're on a cliff with no one to save you. But the reality is, is that that suffering that you're feeling, it's going to pass. You know, in the Bible there's a phrase, this too shall pass. Because everything that is chaos eventually seeks order. That's the law of the universe. Nothing can be in chaos in perpetuity. So how do you confront this dragon in the corner? Well, first you realize that the dragon is you. You are the one. The aspect of yourself that you're rejecting is actually the fuel source for that dragon, for that monster doing push ups. And when you go as deep into the pain as you possibly can and you have a spiritual process and an inventory of really facing it and sitting with it, a beautiful tool for. This is a book by Dr. Hawkins, and he talks about the frequency scale, right? Power versus Self or Power versus Force is a very good book, but I really, really love for you, Jared. This book titled Letting Go. Letting go describes Dr. Hawkins himself, who sat in a bed for a week and he just kept feeling and feeling his pain and going into it. I'm not saying that we all have to be like that to the degree that we suffer sometimes as a correlation of how. How deep of a spiritual seeker we are. A lot of spiritual seekers find more pain, but it's because to get to the truth, you must go through the pain. So what I'm saying is it's embracing the uncertainty of who would you be without the porn? What would be your identity, and how would you manage your stress? And how can you give this protector inside of you that is wanting attention? Because essentially pornography is a pseudo cover to silence the voice of your own protector by taking form of a protector outside of you, and instead of the protector inside of you that can just hold up his hand with love and say no, because that's what your future wife wants anyways. Mar, don't you want a man that can be sovereign and in his own body when he's arguing with you, when he's making love to you, when he's leading his life? Don't you want a man that can be fully present with his imperfections and all of his honesty and all of his bullshit and just be there with you and not be captured by some outside force? Isn't that what women want from men? Is that the whole point?

Yeah.

So, like, what, what, what is the gift now? I'll flip it. What is the gift that a woman receives when a man shows up like that?

I feel like they receive the best of the woman. They receive the caregiver who a woman is supposed to be, but oftentimes they take on a role of a mother when the man is not in his masculine. And so I feel like there's a very thin line between being the mother to a man and being a supporter and a caregiver in a sense of, like, I'm here for you, but I'm not here to mother you. And there's a very tiny little difference between that. But energetically, it feels totally different. So I feel like when a man shows up this way, you allow the woman to, like, as we, as you spoke about on one of the podcasts, like, be the container for the man to actually hold him with all of his struggles and support him and lead him through it and not just be the witness of it and be disempowered in the relationship.

It's well said, because no man could ever, ever, ever have the woman of his dreams unless he's being the man of her dreams. This just wouldn't work, right. Like two people. That's why the. The soulmate prayer that was gifted to me from Paul States, and this is from Paramahasa Yogananda himself. Bless me that I choose my life's companion according to the laws of perfect soul union. Like, just feel that for a minute, Jared. Feel that for a minute. Like, what are the laws of perfect soul union? Some of the wisdom around the laws of perfect soul union is that your soul mate is a mirror. So if you're watching this on video right now, I'm holding up my hands. If your wife and, and for the wife, the husband are perfect mirrors for each other, then you will most likely attract a partner with similar wounds. Have you found this to be true, Mar?

Yeah, it's been okay, me too. It's been a tough journey, but yes.

Me too, me too. And so the reason I'm saying this is because can we actually look at that like a blessing instead of going, my partner's crazy. What the hell is their problem? And we all fall into this, right? Which, by the way, that type of thinking feeds the porn dragon. Jared. Because then it's so easy. One of the things I struggled with in pornography addiction is when I was with future women before Kerri Michelle, and we would have a fight, I would go use porn because that was a way that my unconscious liked to hide from the conflict that the woman was presenting me that I was afraid to deal with. I would go use porn when my mission was calling me forward, but I didn't love and trust myself enough to execute on it. So I would go watch porn. And it was funny because I remember as I would be watching the porn, I would be bathing in shame. I mean, just. Just like hop in the shower and just scrub yourself with shame soap like it was fucking real. And I can laugh about it now because it was so intense. I mean, I just like, woo that level of shame. To quote Hawkins work, shame is the absolute lowest frequency vibration we can feel on planet Earth. As a human, there's nothing lower than shame. It's actually at the bottom of the scale. I think it's like a 20 or a 40, something like that. But what I'm sharing here is like, man, your purpose is actually going to be birthed through pain. When a woman brings a child into the world, it is the most painful thing. Birth is a very sometimes traumatic event. That is only happening through a vehicle of pain. But guess what happens on the other side of pain once the vagina has spread and torn and brought life into the world, Guess what's on the other side? This beautiful being, this beautiful baby, this beautiful soul that was birthed through a canal of pain. It's like the creator designed it this way, Jared. The creator designed it this way. So as we're birthing into the new man, or for Mara, the new woman, I'm curious. And Jared, I promise we're going to get back to the practical stuff around porn, because I have some really, some deep value to share. But I'm curious, Mara, for you, what is a dark night of the soul that you've been through where it felt like a birthing process? Lots of tearing, lots of pain and ripping and all kinds of stuff that on the other side of it, you were like, wow, I'm so glad that happened.

It's hard to see it in the moment, but, like, looking back, I can see it perfectly clear. But one interesting things that all of us shared, Jared and you, and what I'm about to share too, is we all did plant medicine. We all participated in an ayahuasca ceremony. And suddenly there's this darkness that's emerging, and I feel like it's just an amplifier of what's been hiding within. And suddenly it brings it all up at the same time in a very, very intense form. And that's what happened to me. So I lived in Peru, and at that time, I got into plant medicine, I met my ex boyfriend and we got into the pandemic. So it was a triple hardship, all merged together. And now I can laugh about it, but at that time, I was struggling really, really bad mentally. And I didn't really realize the impacts of the plant medicine at the moment because I just saw the wisdom from the plant medicine and the beauty of it. And yes, the ceremonies were difficult, but at the same time, they gave me so much. But then why did I meet my ex who really brought me to the lowest point of my life at the same time as I started doing plant medicine and of course, losing my job because of COVID and just being stuck with him in the lockdown and being in this really toxic dynamic where we would just fight every day. I would cry every day for hours. And I was like, so close to falling into depression. I was having panic attacks and it was the darkest time of my life. And oh, my God, like, I feel like I've recently recovered from it now, few months ago, probably which has been already three years since that happened, since the relationship ended. And I can see the beauty of it because it showed me all the trauma that I couldn't see before. It showed me my personal traits that I didn't like, how I showed up with other people, like the toxic traits that I was bringing into the relationship, which I couldn't see at that moment because I could only see his flaws. And I was like, I'm just the victim here. I'm not doing anything wrong. But took my power back, and I was able to see, okay, I'm not the victim here. I did some things wrong. He did some things wrong, and we came together for a reason. And that reason was, at least for me, not sure what happened to him, but for me, it was to heal, to grow, to become a better human being, and eventually to be ready for my soulmate in the future. So I'm thankful for him because he prepared me for my soulmate. And yes, on the other hand, he did cause more issues, but I'm recovering from those. And I know that once I meet my soulmate, he'll be able to handle it and lead me through the journey of, like, fully healing the rest, the last pieces that I need to heal.

How deep into the pain did you have to go before you got the wisdom?

I don't know how much deeper it can go, really. But I have no willingness to live anymore now that I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't want to be alive. I just didn't want to be here. I saw no point of being alive, of continue, like, doing all the things again and again and just being stuck in the same routine and the relationship and all of that. So for me, this was the lowest point. So I did as deep as I needed to go in that time.

And what was the part of yourself, the toxic part that you recognized that you gave the gift of goodbye to?

I feel like there were plenty really struggled with communication. I was closing myself off instead of communicating my truth and how I was feeling. So that was one of the things. But I also was participating in this toxic dynamic. So that was one of my traits. Like, I willingly participated, wasn't able to say no to it because some part of me needed that to learn the lesson. So I just let somebody cross my boundaries over and over and over again until one day I was so fed up, so angry, and so disgusted by it that I was like, I can't take this anymore.

So you broke up with him?

I'm not even sure anymore. I know that I Said it. I was like, I'm done. Like, I'm leaving. And he was like. At that point, he was like, okay, like, we broke up up many, many times before, but we always get back together. But there was, like, one point that I was like, I just cannot look you in the face anymore because I was so disgusted by him.

Wow, that's big. I appreciate you sharing that. Because, you know, all of the. If pain was a pie chart and growth was a pie chart, peace is in the center once we remove all the slices. But every slice looks and feels different for everyone else. But in the center of that pie is the peaceful place that we all desire. That's so easy most times to do when you're single, especially if you're single and you're not on a spiritual path. But I will share that. There's always this fleeting voice that whispers in our ear when we lay our head down on the pillow at night. And it usually says something like this. There's more to life than this. There's more to life than just going out to the bar with my friends on the weekend. There's more to life than just following football games and Oprah. There's more to life than just taking care of my pets. There's more to life than this. And I'm not here to shame anyone that doesn't answer the call. Because the call comes sometimes really softly. Sometimes it'll hit you in the face with a fucking sledgehammer. Like, the call will be so severe that you can't not answer it. But the courage that we must develop in order to take an honest look at picking up the phone and answering the call of growth, that's. That's the rub. That's the inflection point. That's where the threshold is breached. And, Jared, I'm going to tell you, man, you've already breached the threshold. You're in the perfect place for your healing. So now you're in this phase of the arc of wellness, where you're gathering. You're gathering, man. Now it's time for you to apply. Right? Because we gather. We apply, and then we embody. It's on the screen right now. We gather. We apply and we embody. We gather podcasts, we gather conversations, we gather ayahuasca sessions, and then we actually do the things that ayahuasca showed us. We do the things that our meditation showed us. We apply them. Because I'll tell you, like, going and doing a plant medicine ceremony could still be in the gathering phase, and it doesn't mean you've applied it yet. It's only through the application of sacred wisdom that you become embodied in the wisdom that you're seeking, period. Full stop. And. And we all can fall into this trap. So, Jared, the only way out of this is right through it. It's right through it. My man. You are going to meet yourself in the next one to three years in a way that I'm so excited, like, it almost makes me want to cry for you. It's so exciting. You're going to meet a part of yourself that's going to be so loving. And when you finally find that part of yourself through conscious, humble inquiry, you're going to cry. There's going to be a reunion. You're going to feel your own heart again. You're going to be able to hold your younger self in ways that nobody ever could. He's waiting for you. Young Jared. Young Mara. Young Josh. Young anyone. Young. They're always there for us. They're always there for us. And all they're asking for is just a handhold and a hug and a conversation. In the same way that if anyone's blessed to be a parent, you know that the same way you treat your children is the same way you treat yourself. It's all the same. The way that I'm triggered by my children is the way I'm triggered by myself in life. The way that I make love with my woman or that I treat her or triggered by her is the same way that I make love to life. It's the same way that I'm triggered by life. It's all the same. But we think it's different. We fall into this trap of it being linear, of our growth being linear, but I'm here to tell you, it is not linear. We're going to link an episode in the podcast, Jared, that I would love for you to absorb. And it's from Dr. Kelly Brogan. And she brought forth this concept of healing, being a spiral, because you start and you expand and you expand and you feel really good, and then all of a sudden, boom. Divorce, pornography addiction, you break a leg, whatever, a car accident, bam, there's contraction, and then you recover, much like you did Mar. You know, you start recovering, you start expanding, you start expanding and then, boom. Now you want to have a center in nature and you're on land, bam. You're going to constrict again, right? You're going to be called forth to be the woman or Jared, you're going to be called forth to be the man that can hold it all, that can do it all. But it's only through life experience and this conscious commitment to turning and facing your pain that's gonna bring you that feeling in your heart that's always been there. You've just been disconnected from the younger version of you that's been trying to get your attention. That's what this is all about, man. So I hope you feel me and I hope all of you feel me, because pornography does not have to run your life. Addiction does not have to run your life. Please make a promise to yourself that you will not fall into the familial trap where you say, we're the Smiths and we're addicts, we're the Thompsons and we're obese. I'm, you know, a certain person because my dad was an addict. So I will be immediately remove that language from your vernacular. Just take it out. Start using conscious language. Another really powerful episode that we'll link today. This is going to be JoshTrend.com 697 for all the resources we're mentioning is an episode with Paul Levy and also an episode with Pavel Stuclic. Did I say that name right? Mar, how do you pronounce Pavel's last name?

Stuchlik.

Okay, that was the correct Czech pronunciation. These are all linked@joshtrend.com 697 Also, Jenny Denovi, where she talked about dark night of the soul. But I want to give one more. Scott Jackson, when he talked about his cancer journey, we're going to link that too. So those five podcasts, six podcasts, including Kelly Brogan, will all be linked for your healing and all of our healing. Jared@joshtran.com 697Mar, thanks for being with me on the ride. I feel like we covered some ground.

Yeah, it's always a pleasure to be here and just witness what comes out, because I never know. And it's a ride. It's a very wild ride. But I wanted to mention one more thing to Jared, because I know what it feels like to be in those times, in those shoes. And it feels like the suffering is never going to end. You just saw in the middle of it that it feels like there's no bright future, like the light at the tunnel at the end of the tunnel. But just trust the process. Know that one day the tears of sadness and struggles are going to turn into tears of gratitude. And that day is going to be the best day of your life. And you'll know that from now on, everything's going to completely change.

Yes, Jared, hold the vision of that peace with your eyes closed and do everything with your eyes open to make it real. All right, y', all, we'll see you on the next episode. Please drop your questions joshtrant.com ama until we see you again, we're both wishing you love and wellness. Peace.

Sa.