👵DID YOU INHERIT YOUR GRANDMA'S TRAUMA?...👪Heal your family's broken cycle once and for all

The bridging question for me is a tool how to get to our symptom, picture how we're suffering, to see if it's connected in the family history. And one of the ways we do this is looking at our worst fear. So there's a question I ask in the book which is, what's the worst thing that could ever happen to you if things suddenly went wrong, if things suddenly fell apart? What's your worst fear? What's, what's what? And you know, the answer to that question can be something like I'll be abandoned or I'll be sent away, or I'll be hated by the people closest to me, or I'll do something terrible or harm a child, I won't deserve to live. So I give people in the book a way to outline and distill down to this nugget. You know, I call the worst fear, you know, the nugget of gold. Because it's one of those questions that when we get to the answer and really distill it down, it, our body starts to reverberate. For example, if somebody has this fear of I'll do something terrible and I'll hurt a child, the body starts to light, it's very visceral. And then the bridging question is, have you ever harmed a child? And of course the answer will be no or most likely. And then the bridging question is, has anyone in your family ever harmed a child? Or did anyone in your family ever feel that they didn't deserve to live for something that they did? Or was anybody in your family sent away or let people down and was ostracized? You know, we follow that language and it often leads to an event in the family history. But this language can be, it doesn't have to be verbal. You know, what I've discovered is there's verbal trauma language and then there's nonverbal trauma language. When a trauma language is verbal, you know, that's when we say something, I'll be abandoned, I'll be left. But when it's non verbal, we have to look for the events in our family history, the physical, the emotional symptoms that show up after something unsettling that happens to us. We look for the fears or anxieties that strike suddenly when we reach a particular age. Often it's the same age that something happened in the family history or a depression or a destructive behavior, or a self injuring behavior that arises in us. And after a situation that's similar to a trauma in our family history, this is what I call the nonverbal trauma language. And it's also mirrored in our relationship struggles, who we choose, the type of relationships we pull to us, also in the repeated ways we deal with money, success. All of this forms a breadcrumb trail that we need to follow.

And when we follow it, we get to have the courage to face it. I was thinking of this analogy as you were speaking. It was like, if we have roots that trace back three generations, maybe even more, which we can explore if we just decide to have the courage to pull that out of the soil and look at the roots, the sunlight will actually kill the roots. But we have to be willing to look. We have to actually have the courage, Mark, to look. By the time people find you, and I know you have an extremely long waiting list for people to work with you. And that, you know, is something that's a testament to your work. Like, people are coming to you. They're attracted to you because they want to look at the root. They want to know why they keep experiencing these same patterns, broken relationships, illnesses, whatever it is, like, over and over and over again, Almost like a record spinning. Why does this happen for some people? You know, like, some of us have trauma, Actually, I would say. I would think most people have trauma. Capital T, lowercase t. But not yet everybody manifests this trauma. Why do some people seem to have these loops and others don't? Like, what is that?

That's a good question. Why are these traumas repeating? You know, I want to go back again 100 years. Because epigenetics is just one piece of the puzzle. We know from embryology that our grandmother, when she's five months pregnant with our mother, that all the eggs that our mother will ever have, all the eggs that our mother will ever have are already implanted in our mother's womb when she's a fetus. And, of course, one of those eggs is us. So there's this sharing, this biological environment that we share. And then when we combine it with Bruce Lipton's work, how a mother's emotions can be chemically communicated to the fetus through the placenta, and this can biochemically alter the genetic expression. You know, there's other factors. There's epigenetics, there's embryology, there's Bruce Lipton's work. But to answer your question directly, what anchors these traumas? What creates these repetitions when the traumas aren't talked about? This is what I find when the healing is incomplete, when the pain and grief and embarrassment and shame is so great that the people can't look at it. It goes back again to doing our inner work, confronting what's uncomfortable, what we talked about, or the people in our family are excluded or rejected. Basically, there's not been any resolution. Then aspects of these traumas can show up in later generations, unconsciously will repeat a pattern and will share a similar unhappiness as our parents or our grandparents until that trauma finally has a chance to heal. You know, going back a hundred years. Again, Freud observed this when he talked about repetition compulsion, this idea that the trauma keeps repeating for an alt, for an optimal opportunity so the trauma can heal. And one of the things I observed is that these traumas, they're not bad. It's not a bad thing that we keep repeating this trauma cycle. It's actually knocking on our door, encouraging us to finally open the door. Because sitting in that contraction of the trauma is the very expansion waiting to happen. But again, it's we who have to open that door and look inside. So we are going to get these repetitions until we do our inner work. I've always been a believer in the idea that that which we ignore never really goes away. It submerges in our psyche and selma and then re emerges as chronic pain or disease or persistent symptoms or behaviors we can't explain. It gets rerouted. In a sense. I think it's best to give a case to illustrate this. I one time worked with a 16 year old boy with a rare neurological disorder. And when he was 10 years old, he began to experience burning sensations on his skin. And you know, his mother takes him to the doctor and they can't figure out what's going on, what's happening. There's no root cause. But when I worked with the family, she told me about his father and how his father, at the same age, the boy began experiencing the symptoms and at age 10 was playing with matches and accidentally burned the garage down and then the house down. And the father's brother died. And the father never forgave himself for this. But the main thing is because the trauma remained unhealed and unresolved, the man's son, a generation later began to express symptoms. Similar symptoms, burning sensations on his skin at the same age. The family had never made this connection. And you know, after working together, the boy's symptoms subsided. But they wouldn't have looked in that direction because we get caught up, we get caught up locked in this idea that there's got to be a quick fix, there's a pill, there's a salve you know, we don't think that our own emotional work or our own search inside ourself can lead us to our healing, which, you know, this is what I want to illuminate in the book, which I do illuminate. You know, we have to do our inner work to find, to mine for gold, to find the gems that will lead us to healing. Sam.