Ex Comedian: I Fasted For 11 Days To Dissolve Trauma (Surrender Experiment)

You're on day 11 of your fast. You said, I'm not fasting to get something. I'm fasting to know God.

I literally spent the last 11 days just watching Kyle die left and right. I noticed that if I fast to get a result, I'm going to do this so I can lose weight. I'm going to do this so I can become healthy. I'm going to do this for any other reason than God. Then this fast is under my egoic control. But when I go, I'm going to God, all kinds of other miraculous things show up to. Doing nothing in 11 days has caused more results than if I was working out every day really hard trying to make it happen. My vision has become much better. I can actually see much clearer. I can see much easier, farther away. And the more I'm not attached to an outcome, the more it seems to happen. I went from suicidal anxiety to number one Comedy Central special in 2006. In 2009, I won this Comedy Central best comedian of the year. And one day I started hearing through the grapevine that different comics that were peers of mine were now talking crap about me. I was so paralyzed with. With fear and pain, and I was just in panic and fight orf flight every second. I started seeing stuff and I went crazy. And we went to the hospital and they had to put me to sleep, and I realized that's not me. And then, like, everything fell off and I just felt this freedom.

At what part of your journey did you start to embody this where you didn't have to force it anymore? What drew you to fasting? I think it's really interesting. You're on day 11 of the fast right now. There was some spiritual calling inside of you that drove you to know God in a deeper way that maybe you've never done before. What was that for you?

Well, it's so weird because I have fasted several times and they've been successful in some ways. But I noticed that if I fast to get a result, I'm going to do this so I can lose weight. I'm going to do this so I can become healthy. I'm going to do this for any other reason than God. Then this fast is under my control, under my egoic control. So it better go the way that I've decided that it should go, right? But when I go, I'm going to God. All of a sudden, the one that's going to control this fast dies during the fast, the one who has decided what my life should look like or how my career should go, my life should go. Anything doesn't have any control here. And the more I just get present, God seems to take the one who had plans or an agenda and remove it. And weirdly, the byproduct is the results that that guy wanted still show up, but don't do it for that. And all kinds of other miraculous things show up too. Like, for instance, one of the things that has happened for me during this fast is my vision has become much better. Like, I can actually see much clearer. I can see much easier, farther away. I'm nearsighted and need glasses when I watch TV or drive at night or stuff like that. And I'm needing them less and less. And noticing I can see so much clearer. And it's in Technicolor too. Like, the trees are gorgeous. Also, something that's really amazing is as the trauma is falling out of my body, I'm noticing my wife Amber is simultaneously releasing at the same time. Even though our souls are connected, I also feel that sometimes people connect at the level of trauma. And so if my trauma goes, apparently her trauma that would have held onto my trauma is going too. So there's like this ascension that seems to be gently happening in the house. And it's really trippy because there's times where I'll feel hungry and then I'll just keep listening. And every single time, the feeling of hunger starts to be an emotion, and it's not me actually being hungry. Like, I'll feel hungry and then I'll notice. I'll go, I want a burrito. And then I'm like, when I was a kid, the safest place to me was a Mexican restaurant. My dad was very shut off and very busy in his head. And there were a couple times that were not physically safe for me. And at a restaurant, he felt very connected, happy, and the most present. And that's where I felt loved. So I would be like, you want a burrito? Because you associate that to love. And then I would watch like a layer of him just fall out. And all of a sudden I'm not hungry. And there's been this kind of combination of things that I feel that I feel. And it's so interesting because there are these emotions that usually we go, okay, I feel hungry. I'm going to go do it. And we don't look at it. But trauma is usually asking for food or a partner or money. So the more I decide what I want, I'm going to go get money versus going for God, right? The more I'm going to be in this cycle of going through this over and over and over again. Right? Because the ego shouldn't be in charge. And it's kind of funny because the ego just wants stuff in the 3D world. But if you just go, no, I want to know the truth. You know, you and I were talking before this and you said, I want to know the truth. I think that's the most powerful thing to really get clear on the hierarchy of what you want. You know, there's some people that want the seven figure business, which is great, but they want that first, you know? But it's like the sentence that changed my life and in both bad and good ways was the sentence, merge me with my soul, no matter what the cost. And that's a big sentence because, I mean, I'm open to all costs, but the on the other side is my soul. Right. I would never create any sabotage or anything like that. I'm just wide open. And that's created a space for certain things in my life to fall apart. People that I thought I was aligned with but were actually taking or manipulating or doing different things didn't align. I felt this abandonment wound. And then the next thing I know, actually I said that right before COVID started. So I said, merge me with my soul, no matter what the cost. Two weeks before COVID started. So I was like, did I do this? Because it was like, all of a sudden we're in shutdown. And I thought of that time as a really interesting. I'm going to change everyone's patterns. You're going to look at yourself in new ways. And I feel like the last five years we've all just been going inward on a much deeper level.

Oh, yeah.

Because of the changes and everything. And I'm not literally thinking I caused that, but I do think it was pretty trippy to go. We're all being forced into our soul. But the difference is if you don't see a bad time as this is moving me towards my soul, you suffer because you're just trying to keep the thing that doesn't align with you from falling. Right? And for me, I'm getting very intentional. This, this prayer, this thought, merge me with my soul no matter what the cost is amazing. If something bad is happening in your life, you're going, that's merging me with my soul. If something good's happening in your life, you're going to, oh, I'm merging with my soul. So that's the long term intention that I've had the last Five years, which has helped me through everything. Like, no matter how dark something gets, I'm just like, it's just moving me closer. And it's. Even if you're in a room that feels like it's an energetic fire, there's this little dental floss string that I'm holding onto, going, this is taking me there. And then that fire starts to burn up a past me, a trauma, a false me, something I'm not. And in the last five years, a lot of what I thought I was has died. I literally spent the last 11 days just watching Kyle die. Left and right stories of Kyle, his, you know, things he did to protect himself as a child. You know, I was bullied in junior high and then I became a standup comic. And then my success, you know, really I realized this week was like to prevent myself from getting bullied, you know, so it's like I'm going to get more motivated and make it happen. So I'm not bullied again in ninth grade. And when, you know, I'm fasting, I'm suddenly not doing. All of a sudden I'm present for what? What happens if we don't do this with the business? All of a sudden the bullied kid comes to light, you know, and I'm suddenly a space holder for him and I see him and he dissolves in this place.

This is the deepest work that I think any human being can do. But the container that a FAST creates is quite powerful and words can't really do it justice. I've never done more than a four day fast. I did a four day vision quest twice.

Oh, wow.

You said so much there. And I. I just want to reflect.

On what you said.

No, it's beautiful. Me too. I'm learning how to create space for my wife to speak and me and I just talk all the time. I love that you said that. The things came up when it came to food and the relationship with food, specifically the Mexican restaurant with your father. And I love that because the. All the work you've done, the hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people that you've reached. 11 years ago, 10 years ago, I went to evolving out loud.

That's crazy.

And you said something so amazing. You said, I hope I screw this up.

Yes.

And it was like a pressure valve was released. And that set me in many ways with other teachers on this path to sit with you here now. So I think it's really beautiful and divine that we're sharing wisdom.

I'm so excited about that.

And the container that you're Talking about this 11 day as you sit here fasting container.

And I'm still going too.

How long ago?

My plan is 14 days.

Okay.

Yeah. Monday at 1pm I'll. I'll be eating, so it'll be a different version.

So this container I want to ask you about because everyone is having this spiritual hunger. Most people. Not everyone. Most people definitely people that are watching or listening to us now. And the way that I've associated with containers is that if there's any leak in the container and leak meaning energy that's just wanting to be transformed or an intention that isn't clear, or maybe a little residue of the ego that wants to put itself in the container. This container of truth that you're creating through the fast, in my opinion. I'm curious how you feel could not have been really airtight unless you had had all these experiences that you've had in coaching and teaching and learning and putting yourself in the fire as you sit here today with me now, was there one big piece from your past that has really come up for you in this fast that has been transformational? Like a snap of the finger or maybe many.

There are so many different things and I'm trying to think of different quotes or different thoughts or different revelations that I've had because the amount of times that it's like every day is like the end of an M. Night Shyamalan movie where I'm just like, that's why that happened. And that's what they said. You know what I mean? I'll tell you one of the biggest revelations that I've had. This has actually been more than the last 11 days. But it's something that has been so profound for me. A lot of people do a lot of things to not be like their parent, right? There's so many people that literally like, I'm not going to be my parent. I'm not going to be what my dad was. And in doing so, they become their parent in the opposite clothes. So I'm going to explain. My dad when I was a kid, walked around the house in silence, pretty much in his head, you know? And then he'd be talking too, without words. He'd just be in his head, like arguing with a client or something. And we never had any presence from him. And that's because his energy was repressed, right? So I think unconsciously there was something in me that said, I'm not going to be my dad, so I'm going to extrovert everything. Right. I'm going to tell, I'm going to talk through everything. And I realized at one point that's me repressing. In other words, when my dad is quiet, he's repressing. If I'm quiet, I'm connected to source. Like, in other words, we're in different consciousnesses now. And so my way of repressing is to talk through and give everyone. What do you guys think of this? Through everyone else's egos, right? This thing. And so I've noticed that, you know, there's an energy we have where if we're trying to be the opposite of our parent, we're often doing that. And the reason is because the time we're in is so much more conscious and awake. So I was talking to someone recently who has a mom who's overweight, massively addicted, very stagnant, right? And she didn't do anything. Most of her, she just kind of existed, right? And her daughter, who I know is very fit and awesome, and she had a moment where she's like, I'm not doing anything. You know, I'm not. Like today I didn't do anything. There was almost a panic, right? And I do a little work with her and I realize she's scared. I go, are you scared you'll be like your mom? And she said, yes. And I said, here's the difference. You're massively awake. I said, your mom not doing anything is actually the same as you doing something. Because a lot of people that are awake and aware God is directly trying to take you straight to fifth density to a higher frequency. And there's a lot of people that are scared to just receive that. So they're still managing a job they hate and doing all this. And you're just rearranging chairs on the Titanic and cutting yourself off from source. So a wide open spiritual heart that's keeping a job or relationship going, that doesn't align is. Is the same as an unconscious person doing nothing. Do you get what I'm saying?

It's a clear indicator for me on one of the laws of the hermetics, the law of correspondence, as above, so below. So like you're saying if there's this drive in someone that says, I won't be like my mom, I won't be like my dad, all that God, universe, creator hears is, I'm going to be like my dad. It's a focus and a fixation on the fact that we want to be something opposite, but that internal war in us energetically is actually perpetuating the Very thing that we don't want.

Paradox, Kyle. Dude, there's a. It's so true. There's a three day event I did that we, we made an audio product called your soul is not for sale. I did this event in New York. This three day event was so miraculous. And on the first segment, this guy argued this point and he said, well, of course we're different than our dads. He goes, my dad, he goes, he never said I love you. He didn't talk to me, you know, he just did his own thing. He never even acknowledged I existed. And he said, I'm the opposite. He goes, I tell my kids I love them. I tell them, you don't know how lucky you have it. He goes, I'll love them so much in front of their friends, I'll make them uncomfortable. And I go, you don't think that's the same as your dad? I said, you are loving your kids in front of their friends when they don't want it. You're guilting them by saying you don't know how good you have it. And you're making your love about you and not them. Like how great you are because you're not your dad. That's the same as your dad, right? It's just the opposite. But it's the same way. It's in opposite clothes. We're just flipping the coin in your tails of your dad's heads. Like in other words, how about just allowing your kids to be themselves versus trying to not be your dad, Right? So it's a really interesting thing, but I'm finding it foolproof with almost everyone I know. I know a girl whose mom was very, very tight with money and she's like, I'm not going to be my mom. So she's like, I'm going to be an entrepreneur. And she went to about a hundred of the most expensive entrepreneur courses and their bank accounts are identical. You know what I mean? Like, like in I'm not going to do that, I'm going to spend it. And she's blowing it all to not be her mom. Yeah. And the same bank account. You get what I'm saying?

What I'm hearing from you in many different words is the intentionality or the starting place, the come from, if you will, towards healing, awareness, capacity, anything at all is part and parcel. Probably the most important thing. As I'm saying that out loud, I'm saying this truth to myself actually.

Yeah.

So the intentionality of your fast when you say, yeah, I went to the hospital before when I did a fast. Now I'm actually just wanting to know God on a deeper level. That purity of the container that I.

Mentioned before, so easy.

It makes it effortless. And we hear about this especially in your world. In my world of like efforting versus effortless, yes. It doesn't seem to me like you're hardcore efforting in this fast. If you've ever blown up your life for no logical reason, congratulations. Your biology works. You're not broken. You're just running an old pattern. After 10 years of podcasting and interviewing 800/plus of the sharpest minds and deepest hearts on planet Earth, I built something simple to help you interrupt these patterns fast. I kept running personally into the same stuff and audience members would write to me and say, josh, I'm dealing with the same core three things which are expressed through emotional epigenetics that are our emotional patterns, our unconscious beliefs, and our environment. This Self Liberation Blueprint is a free training where you get clear on how these three areas are blocking your life. And in 10 days you can move from being stuck and distorted on the inside to clear and on purpose on the outside. The Self Liberation blueprint is a 10 day jumpstart that's perfect for the human being that feels stuck, but they just can't figure out why. Now, I built this with no smoke and mirrors. I know in our world there's a lot of smoke and mirrors when it comes to personal growth and spiritual development. I built this with 24 years of my own health, wellness and personal development life experience so I can save you money and save you time and start getting your results as quickly as possible. On your first day, you're going to go right into a self assessment where we know exactly, exactly where you are and exactly where you get to be. We're going to take you through a dream vision process and specific breath work to create your life vision that you desire in the future as if it's here right now. All of this is free because I'm here to give it to you as a mentor in the same way that my mentors gave it to me. It is purely just my gift to you. You also get free access to the Liberated Life Tribe, a community of people like you and I that are actually doing the inner work instead of just pretending that they're fine. By the time you're done, you're going to know exactly where you are in your wellness Pentagon, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. And you're going to have a map, a mindful action plan to move from clarity Instead of distortion. This is not therapy for people that are broken. You're not broken. You're just bioenergetically burdened. And I'm here to tell you that removing these burdens is possible. And I believe you can do it. You don't need fixing. You just get to have a clear starting point and a plan that actually works with your, your biology. If you're ready to move forward with your life without forcing it, join me inside the self liberation blueprint by heading over to liberatedlife.com come join us.

No, in fact efforts what's being killed. It's showing me effort is an egoic structure that's kind of an argument with God. You know, it's like I'm gonna, I'm gonna make it happen. And God's like, I'm right here. And whatever you're trying to feel with that, you could feel here. And it's, it's, it's almost making the one that thinks in terms of high and lows just die. It's like the only way I can, you know, if I'm too caught in, when do I get to eat next? It hurts. It's almost a shrink of vibration. It brings time in. But if I'm just here, I'm just present, it's like making me become now. And that's the actual truth of what we are. And you start to realize, so who was the one that was hungry? Who was the one that was. That was going to make the. The same one that was hungry is the same one that's going to build the business that's going to, you know, do it the right way and make this happen and everything like that. Yet this frequency of now starts to go the way you were about to build the, the business. From here on. Day 11, quite a bit of things feel very heavy and it goes, I have way higher for you.

I have to share this because you're bringing it out of me. We were going to launch our Life Method program in December for January. And I had a IFS ceremony with my wife that essentially showed me all the ways in which my kid wanting the burrito was riding the whole car and controlling the car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was a gut punch, but like I was there for it because I've just been grappling for so long. We've been together for six years and there's been so much efforting, like so much efforting as to which you speak. And the big breakthrough for me was that I actually had to be broken down.

Yes.

I got to Be humbled when I was pointing the finger at my wife and saying, you need to change, you need to focus on you. And like, yeah, there's some truth in that. But it's not my responsibility to make anyone heal. It's my responsibility to heal myself. The effortless versus the efforting. It was still an inspired action effort for us to do the ceremony in here. So my question for you is, with efforting and effortless, there is this Goldilocks zone in the middle where it's like the come from and the intentionality of your, let's call it inspired action of effort. It can feel effortless, but it doesn't mean that you just sit on the couch. Can you expand that?

Yeah. Well, it's interesting because if you find yourself just saying, what do I do? That I'm going to tell you right now, that's ego. What do I do? How do I get there? I always ask clients when I work, do one on ones with people. I'll say, you know, they'll be like, I got to get this business going, whatever. Under that. I always say, if you don't, what happens? It's never not been answered like that. There's something negative under it. Then I'm a failure. And when you dig farther, it's like then when I was a child in 1974, to my dad, you know, then I'm unwanted. Like that time I wasn't noticed at school, that trauma was building your what do I do? And then you build a business or you build something and we have to keep the trauma because that's what built the business. It's the fuel, right? And so almost every what do I do Is a solution to repressing the pain. Now, the belief is, like you said, that's what people say. So I just do nothing, right? Well, what we don't get is when you finally do nothing, the first thing that happens is you'll get present enough. Instead of saying, what do I do? Say what's here? Oh, there's pain in my heart. There's emptiness. There's a fear of failure. There's a belief I'm not loved. If I ask almost any person, you go, what's here? There's a lump in my throat that says I'm nothing. Then I always say, just keep listening. And then sometimes they'll try to figure it out. Like, oh, I think it's my dad. No, no, no, you're not listening. You're like a parent interrupting the kid when they're talking to the doctor and the doctor's like, how are you? And the mom's like, she's da, da, da. And it's like, no, how are you? It's trying to talk, but. But it needs to be heard. And our mind goes, this thing that needs to be heard. I don't hear any words. So it's nothing. And we're trying to make sense out of it from a very small consciousness, but this thing is trying to be heard. So it goes, can you just listen to me? And so when you sit here long enough, this thing that also was the thing that maybe made your business or caused the relationship or caused the problem or whatever starts to come up, it just doesn't ever. That's why everyone flips as they don't through the phone and scrolls. They just don't want this thing to come up, right? This thing's about to come up. And when I work with people, it's always happens. Any person that goes, we gotta. If they work with me, it's about 30 minutes before we get to the thing. And I'm like, so, what's it say? And they'll be like, I think it's. No, no, no, not. I think it's. That's mine. What's it say? I'm not enough. And then you know what I have him say to the pattern? You're allowed to not be enough in my body. Because the one that's not enough has never known that it's loved. In other words, the one that's scared to be a failure doesn't know it's still loved if it's a failure. Right? So it believes that if I'm a failure, the same thing that happened when I was a child will happen. So it literally created a false identity to never feel that again. And then we call it I. And that's wrong, right? And then that's why it can't leave. Because you think you'll die if it goes. So if you get really present and you see it, then it goes, now what happens when it goes? Like, have you ever seen your energy field without that fear, like, truly dissolved? Not like it's repressed because you ate something or because you succeeded at something or can look at a giant check. Do you know you with that trauma actually alchemized? Well, what happens is a lot of light comes in. A lot of now comes in, A lot of presence comes in. You actually stop thinking. You can't just sit around. You actually enjoy sitting. You see this as very productive. And then what happens? A space happens where something higher has Something for you to do. Right. God will show up and not give you a answer to. What do I do? Out of some false lack that doesn't exist so good.

There's so much there.

Right.

For whatever reason, I was feeling a mentor of mine right now. His name is Paul Check. I don't know if you've heard of him.

I have heard of him. Yeah.

And the times I've podcasted with him, we'd spend all day, like, just smoking bags and hanging. He just runs at this slow, sustainable, beautiful, effortless speed. Kind of like how you said you're showing up today. It's like, yeah, did everything I really build from the other fuel source, even matter, Right? Like just this deep reflection state you're in. And he's in that a lot. And of course there's ego there. It begs the question for me. It's like, where is the healthy space for the ego in the inspired action Goldilocks zone between the effortless and the efforting? Because without ego, you know, we wouldn't be able to express and play. And the ego is actually integrated. An integrated ego, I believe, touches and has full roots connected to the child.

I have a. Even. I have a kind of crazy, deep, intuitive answer to that. Could we allow ourselves to go for the truth and not know what would happen to the ego? In other words, the one that wants to know. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm. It's like the one that wants to know, what do we do with the ego when we sit and go, yeah, but I got to do something. What would happen if we even surrendered that belief for a second? In other words, if it's calling you to sit forever, that's God. And there's something in our mind that says, well, you can't just sit for. Who said that? Right? Like just an old consciousness. The old consciousness that we were, you know, our parents and their parents. You know, if you go way back, you're in Great Depression, you go a few more back, you're in slavery. Right? Our parents and their. Their parents and grandparents, they're in the Great Depression. So that's a matter of full survival.

Yeah.

You, like, you cannot do this work in the Great Depression. You're not, you know, what's it bringing up for me? You have to stand in the bread line and hope and, yeah. Find a job. And I can't imagine that. And back in that time, you know, you know, it was like, you are what you do. Get a job, you're nothing. You will die if you don't get a job, get a partner, get any partner. And then you have, you know, people that have been together 70 years and they've been together, but you know that if they lasted that long and didn't do inner work or anything like that, they're just two people that are connected. But if you go, grandpa, what do you feel? Don't talk to me about, because I can't. I stayed with her because the connection is just what you do from that time. Right. The only way you can have a relationship now is if it's both. Both of you want to expand. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of, you know, you are what you do. And then even, you know, our parents, like maybe some people in our generation, parents saying, you know, spanking you if you don't get straight A's, or saying, you better be a doctor, lawyer, or whatever, that kind of thing. So we are, what we do is the pattern that you and I are transcending. Right. And, and so that's what causes us to say sentences like what do I do? Or how do I get there? You know, a totally different question is, what am I? What's here? And all of a sudden the doer that is not truly you dissolves. You know, what am I? What's my soul? What am I truly? What's here puts me in now. Right. And you notice when you say, what do I do? You almost like lean forward to get out of the now that you're in, to escape to a future that you have to. Right. Get to, but that doesn't exist. So it's funny because, like, there's a me that's like I would even surrender the role of what. Because I still believe whatever is calling me to do something is going to take me to something more miraculous. And I also, this might sound a little crazy. I'm also questioning if the world is mirroring me. In other words, like for you, the world might be mirroring you. I mean, the amount of things that I have discovered match what's going on inside. Like, I will heal something I didn't see. And then like the government will announce some dark thing that I didn't know, you know, the same day. And I. An example I use a lot that I'll never forget is I did a one on one with a woman like eight years ago and she, she was saying, I haven't talked to my mom. No, I did one on ones like five years ago. She said, I haven't talked to my mom in like eight years. And I'm really bothered by it. I worked with her for about 30 minutes, right? And we got her to a point where she understood, like, her mom is where she is, and it's. Right who? You know, kind of Byron, Katie, a little bit. And she allowed it. It was perfect. Mom's allowed to never call me again. Cried it out, released it. We kept talking, and she started thinking of stuff she wanted to do. She got excited. And at the end of the freaking call, her mom called her, like, while we're on the one on one. And I was like, that's the mirror. Like, God is trying to get you to release your war with it. That's why life triggers you, is it's going. I'm showing you gold here. Like. Like you're never triggered by what you think you're triggered by. And there's a lot of people in our society now that think a trigger means everyone else around me change. And that's actually narcissism.

Yes.

Right. Like, hey, I don't like that you did that. So you can't do that because it triggers me. No, it triggers you because it's hitting something. And in fact, most of the people saying that, it doesn't even trigger them. Right? They're just, I want to be entitled and say something. But, like, when. When you're triggered and you. You allow yourself to go, that person triggered me. What? And then you. Then this is what we do. Like, I felt unheard. This is. The ego goes. So I'm going to tell them. They should hear me. But the ego's saying, I feel unheard by you. So we ignore it and go, you should change it. Right? And with what you were saying earlier about you to your wife, that you should. You should. Yeah. My equivalent of that is my amazing wife Amber. You know, whenever she shuts her heart down, it's been the Kyle Cease thing to open her heart. Right. Like, I feel your heart's closed. What? Like, I need to open it. Let me do a hot seat with you. Right? And I realize, no, that's because I feel pain when her heart's closed. And the pain isn't about her. Like. And what's been making me grow in this relationship is going, Amber's allowed to have a closed heart, like, versus. I gotta pry it open and can I love her with a closed heart. And I realized people with a closed heart in the past were dangerous. You know, I don't know if they're gonna be abusive. I don't know what they feel like. I need their emotions in front of me. Because I don't know if I'll be blindsided by something. And so it's not her closed heart that's the problem. It's that I've decided it shouldn't be. And so it can be easy for me to be like, no, you're walking around with a closed heart and it hurts. And ironically, Amber on her own is wanting to learn to open her heart because she comes from different situations where an open heart never existed around her, like, you know, family units, different things. And so she is simultaneously just working on opening her heart and I'm working on being present for her when it's closed and we're getting better. It's not perfect, but like, I'm like, I got these images of her, like clothes, like a clamshell, and I'm wrapping my arms around it. Like you can be closed. And the only work, like you said, you know, it's all us. We can only work on us. You know what I mean?

I feel what you mean. Yeah, we feel what you mean. Because I've dealt with similar paradigms in my marriage of the story that I created, that I have to rush in and fix her if my wife's heart is closed, if I'm really honest and I take a breath and I let my heart and my solar plexus and my gut speak to me. There's an 11 year old version of Josh that's watching his mom get carried out of the house on a stretcher because she had just spent days before screaming to God in her room because she's a manic bipolar woman. And so I did work with Mark Wolin on this. He wrote a book called It Didn't Start with You about intergenerational trauma. And he said, yeah, in your neural tree, it's like you're on the back of a car and your mom's about to drive you off a cliff. And any evidence that you're unconscious or that your wounded ego would get from your wife's behavior, that would remind you to time travel back and be 11 year old Josh. You project onto her, which paradoxically blocks her from healing and blocks her from feeling my masculine energy of just, I love you, I got you. However you show up, it's so powerful, it's so beautiful, but yet it takes maturity. It takes spiritual maturity and really pain and torment to get there. Yeah, you actually said a quote, and I'm not going to go by my guide because we're in total flow, but this one hits hard. You said if you think you need something for you to be happy, you make that thing your God. When you realize that the belief that you need any circumstance to be a certain way for you to be happy is a lie, you're totally free.

Yeah. Yes.

Isn't that exactly what we're talking about?

Yeah. It kind of stems off of another quote I said, like, 10 years ago that it's a lie that when something happens, I'll be happy. And the truth is, when I'm happy, things will happen. Right? And the more I'm not attached to an outcome, the more it seems to happen. But I don't care because I'm actually not attached to it. Right. I'm in a frequency where it's normal for it to come into your life.

You.

You know, when you're excited for things to come into your life, you're really saying I'm not worthy of it. Right? Like, I just. I. I just thought of that guy and he called me. I don't believe it. I really. What you're saying is I don't really believe in law of attraction, you know? Or I don't really believe that this happens. Like, I can't believe we have a million dollars. Isn't that exciting? Because deep down in my soul, I'm worth about 20,000 a year. Right? Like, this isn't like me, which, by the way, is totally a recipe for it to fall apart. Because what's like you is this other consciousness. Right? So the. The idea that I've had so many things that I want and I just wasn't happy when I got them. I got New York Times bestseller, and I remember it was about two minutes of excitement followed by, oh, like it wasn't the thing yet. This week on the Fast. God had so many moments that are the moments that I will look back in my life and go, I can't believe how amazing that felt. I will just say, in general, my mind can't do this anymore. I believe in 2025, running the show from the ego doesn't work anymore. And I'll give you tons of examples of it. I have a lot of clients that say, I work 60 hours a week and I can barely make money. I'm like, right, because you're working 60 hours a week. Your ego's running the show. There's no surrender. In fact, do you want that job? No, I hate it. Okay, so everything is a war with God right now. And that's not the way you can succeed anymore. If it was the 80s, you might be okay. But our consciousness is so high that the patterns of force, you know, if you think of David Hawkins, the patterns of making it happen, the patterns of, I run this. It doesn't work anymore. So the mind is just. It's nice and it's just honestly a response of thoughts based on patterns that haven't come out yet. That's all. The mind is like, I got it, da, da, da, da, da. And then under it is like, because I feel so lonely, I got to get the person to like me because I'm nothing without, you know. And so the more I'm now, all those deeper things are. I mean, this is taking me to the subconscious. And your mind's thoughts are the reaction to the subconscious thoughts. The subconscious thoughts are subconscious, so you don't see them. But when you start to get in the now, you see them, and you don't see them in the way where you could logically understand them. When you start to get in the now, this stuff just comes up and it starts to be loneliness, it starts to be sadness. But it's. Everything that's negative is a lie. It still needs to be seen. But every thought you have, every single one, there's no. No person that could give me a limitation belief or a negative or this is going to happen or whatever that I couldn't debunk by going deeper. It's just a sign of what their subconscious is still holding.

We fight if we're not conscious, we really grapple and fight to hold on to limitation. I believe you've spoken about this before and I've dove into this as well. It brings up for me a passage from Power versus Force when Hawkins said, the greatest space for many of us is the space between our head and our heart. And that space can only be closed down by the integration of the two. So, you know, whether it's biology of belief from Bruce Lipton or whether it's what you just shared with us, or whether it's Hawkins.

I feel like, yeah.

All the metaphysical teachers, both ancient and contemporary, they're essentially saying the same thing.

Yeah.

And that is if you can really sit with the present moment.

Yes.

Not in some mental construct way, but if you can feel and use your intuition, your somatic intelligence.

Yeah.

To be like, if I can feel my stomach with you, if I can feel the energy in the room, if I can connect to your wife's energy over there, connect with the audience at this time, connect through the prayer that we had. That has really been blunted by society. And I believe there are nefarious forces that do that on Purpose because it makes us monetizable when we're disconnected from our intuition, from what you're talking about and what you're experiencing on this fast. Which is why I think many people are driven to fast. They, they want this reconnection with, with wholeness, with, with the present moment. What are some of the ways that you've seen in your own life that society's hooks or modernity's trappings have taken you out of the present moment? That now in this clarity of fast, you can really see clearly?

Yeah, I mean everything, I mean, you know, society is full of that and, and then you start to wonder if everything mirrors you. Is it there's a society inside of me that mirrors society outside. You know, if you get offline long enough, you might have a pattern that goes, I want to know about what happened with this or the toilet, I want to know about, yeah, whatever. And all this stuff is coming up and you start to realize I'm not looking at it and I'm seeing everything that I'm worried about inside. So my subconscious is holding the external. Right. So the longer you're just chilling, the more that stuff starts to come to light because you're not feeding it. So if you start feeding it, then it's like, ah, like it's the drug that it goes. I, I need to know what's going on. I have to know what my friend had for dinner. I have to, you know, I gotta flip through, I gotta just fill, fill me with something, right? And so when you put the phone down and you do it for a long time, all of a sudden it'll be. Mind will be like, we gotta, we gotta, we got it. And then it's like I might be left out. All of a sudden all the wounds start coming up, right? Yeah. I actually believe it goes even farther. I believe that once you finally get over that, you dissolve that you feel a piece that's so good. I believe the external fault falls apart too. Like you're gonna see the more you do that. It's weird to me as someone who's fasting right now on day 11, how many people are fasting right now? And I didn't know that. Oh yeah, I post day eight, you know, and I guess that also would make sense because I'm looking for it, but it just seems like all of us in one way or another, not necessarily fasting are like, I can't do it without God somehow. I can't do without some are Jesus, some are the higher self, some are God, source Universe, I. This eye, the eye is not even correct because all those eyes, quite a bit of them have died in the last 11 days. There was an eye that had declarations 11 days ago that doesn't exist now. Today is like a really trippy day for me because I've had some of the biggest releases the last few days and I'm just. And they don't even matter. I'm just in this new awe of peace right here.

I want to go back, if you can, in the time machine. Whether it's values or virtues or your list that you're mentioning, what is the clarity that's, that's come up for you around the way in which, let's say three five year old version of Kyle used to be hooked by modernity. What was that?

Well, you know what's really interesting too, as one side note, as I purge the boy, I'm noticing how much I barely can remember the boy. In other words, my past now feels like a million years away versus 48. Like, you know, I noticed that the cells that held the memories, when they dissolve, like I'm just here. And I think that in a conscious world, memory is unbelievably overrated. A lot of people are like, I'm losing my memory. It's like, yeah, because you're getting more now and you don't need to store all of that crap. That doesn't. It's not any definition of what you are. So just because you don't remember that person you dated 20 years ago or you know, the, the story or someone's phone number, that's because you're more now, like God wants you now. You don't need to be full of memory that's distracting you from God. Right? So more and more I'm just like kind of in this bizarre. Almost like I'm on some psychedelics fully that I'm just in awe today. And it feels very different. Like the guy that, you know is like, what do I got to do to get the business? Or, you know, make sure he's just gone. And, and it's interesting because we have my, my membership site that I've had for eight years. I announced last night we're going to do one more year and I'm. I'm done with it. The fast help me. I was going to release it before anyway. Actually it might have been during the fast when I thought of it in the first place, but I noticed that it's taking me to something higher than even doing the work that Kyle Cease is known for doing. I'm like, what could it be? Because it's going now. We have to dissolve Kyle Cease the teacher to meet Kyle. What is Kyle Cease? Right. And it's interesting because it was like you're caught sometimes as the teacher and that you have a role that forgets that God works through you and the ego can kick in and go, I'm Kyle who runs the big events. And I'm Kyle who does all this. And it's like you want your soul. Okay, let's. Doesn't mean I won't do an event again. It just means I can't do it. Identified as the successful speaker that's had the career that I've had, it's almost like moving me from like a Tony Robbins to a Eckhart or something. Like, you know, a different thing.

It's interesting though, because, you know, to hearken back 10 years plus when I went to wherever that theater was, I think it was Alex theater. It was so beautiful because there was breakouts and people were able to reflect and it was comedy that equaled transformation.

Yeah.

So there is some beauty in our past. And I love that you said that. You know, you don't even have long term memory. Think about this movie. I'm sure you've seen it, especially because you have a daughter. The movie is Inside Out.

Oh, it's one of my. That was one of my favorite movies before I had my daughter.

It's so good. So that's something really beautiful and actionable and effortless that you all can do is like that movie. Even Inside out two is beautiful.

Yeah.

Have you seen the second one?

I did. I liked one a lot more, but. But two is cool.

The reason I'm saying this is because what gets us to an awareness, like for you, comedy led to so much transformation for yourself that you were able to see. Oh, I was actually trying not to be bullied. So then that fuel source goes away. We all tend to gravitate towards the fuel sources for emotional and spiritual growth depending on the level of consciousness that we have, you know, essentially wherever we are. But what gets us to the next level is a completely different fuel source. So then what is the fuel source?

Right.

For you now?

Source like. Like just the truth. Right. So there is a knowing that I'm batting a thousand at surrendering, working. Right. And so it's kind of like if, if I let go of the attachment to that, I. I'll just wait. You know what I mean? I'll just be with what it is because it never, ever doesn't have something better for me. It's never not taking me higher, you know, so this higher is doing everything it can to work through me. And the me that goes, no, I gotta be a speaker. You know, even, like, even saying I gotta change the world is egoic, right? I gotta make the world better. Well, ask a Democrat and a Republican how to change the world, they're gonna have very different answers. Yeah, right. So when we say I want to change the world, we want to make it how our ego wants it, because we don't want to just actually go within and notice what in me needs to be healed. And why am I so triggered by the world and why am I changing it? Because I'm so triggered by it. I mean, the world's no different than our wives when we're trying to point this out. Right?

The world is our wives.

Yeah, Right, Totally.

Yes.

And so there's nothing more important than. I can't think of anything more important than just getting the truth of what I am. And I know that whatever it needs to show me, it will. But all I feel today is awe and peace. There's room for so many new creative ideas flow. But it's weird how. How much we almost, like. I don't know if the right word is monetized, but we. It's like, okay, I'm higher now. Do I do the thing now? Does success happen? And we can't just enjoy the trees and just being and just seeing. And it's so weird because even though the world, if you're looking online, looks so chaotic and like, it's about to fall apart, it doesn't here. Like, it's like, it's what it is. And the only reason it will fall apart, the negative stuff will fall apart is because I'm no longer picking it up. And everything that I don't just don't pick it up. That's my other thing. You know, people are like, I gotta let go. No, no, just don't pick it up. You know, if I'm like, I gotta let go. I gotta let go of this phone right here. I gotta. This phone I have to let go of. That's the same as saying, I gotta let go of that old relationship. You're picking it up to talk about it. It's. Everything is just trying to be ripped from you to get you to source. You know what?

You know, what arises for you when you're speaking is this concept of the white belt being taught by the black belt. I think many people that are a teacher of any kind. And I have a men's group that I do here with a mutual friend of ours, Aaron Abkey.

I know Aaron very well.

Yeah, he's a awesome brother. And we sit right here where your wife is sitting and we do men's work. And we've talked about this before. It's like, when, when is it the right time to teach? And it's like, yeah, I can see how my own stories of holding on to me needing to be a black belt, feeling the need to be so much in mastery of the wellness pentagon and emotional epigenetics and what I teach and what our audience is absorbing. But it's such a lie.

Right?

It's actually a lie. All I have to do is just be honest about where I am in the process and teach from that place. Then there's no. It's like the capsule is depressurized.

Isn't it funny to think the goal of. I mean, I get it because I've had this too, but isn't it funny to think the goal of getting to a black belt is a higher goal than meeting your soul?

Yes.

Right. Like that's great. But I have to become a black belt.

Yeah.

Yeah. And meanwhile, like. And like there's a way cooler. And I don't like saying goal because you can just continually feel it as you're going there. It's not one outcome at the end. But you know, I did jiu jitsu for a while and I probably will start doing it again soon. I just enjoyed it, you know, and I would be very proud when I got a stripe, you know, or whatever. But I also at the same time would just notice the new confidence or something in me that would show up that day because I learned a new thing that a little made, Made me just feel better. Right. And the long term exhaustion of getting to a black belt in my mind, I don't mean it's not worth it. I just mean is so heavy.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

Versus like, you know, it's a very. This is a very good journey. Not the destination point, but it's like, I mean, man, I did it a few hundred classes. Like that was great. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I feel like the real wisdom that I'm grokking with you right now in real time is that anybody can actually give themselves permission in any moment to teach what they feel is fun for them, what they feel is of service to other people. But the way the path to get there is really uncomfortable. A lot of times it's really uncomfortable because, like, for me, what drove me even create the podcast, by the way. The old podcast was called Wellness Force. Got rid of that name in 2022, replaced it with wisdom. So now it's wellness and wisdom. I was forcing so much of my life because inherently I didn't trust, like, my body didn't trust. My stories that I was holding on to, didn't trust. And now it's so liberating because I can just teach from exactly where I am. I don't have to force anything. When did that concept of force versus just being in the moment. Your watch says now.

Yeah, my wife gave it to me when I met her.

When did this really start to come alive in you? Exactly what I'm speaking about at. What part of your journey did you. Did you start to embody this where you didn't have to force it anymore? It was actually just you enjoying the teaching. And then the money came in direct reciprocity.

So I actually have a. When it was 2010, I had been doing. I had been doing standup at that point for a year. I started when I was 12, doing standup. I was a headlining comedian.

Did you just stand up in the living room for your parents and friends?

I not only did that guy in second grade, I made deals with my teacher that I would be quiet throughout the week if she'd give me five minutes at the end of the week.

Nice.

And my uncle was the prop man for Gallagher. He was a prop comic, and he was. He was very clever, actually, in certain ways. And, you know, I made deals with my teacher that I'll be quiet. And then I would do Gallagher's material, which is funny because I didn't get it. And I have a musical ear, so I understood all the intonations, but I was talking about sex and taxes with a Southern accent for second graders. I would come out and be like, women, when you go out shopping, you buy us underwear that fits cardboard. Am I right, guys? And I had my dad's underwear with a cardboard square. And so I was a comic for quite a while. And I had a major headlining career and two Comedy Central specials and had all this amazing life. And then at one point, I got a major anxiety. I got for the first time. This is what started my whole thing in, like, 2005, out of nowhere, I got worried that I would faint when I was on stage. Then I got a Comedy Central special, went through all kinds of anxiety that was so bad that at one point, I couldn't walk. I ended up getting A Tony Robbins book. I ended up going to Tony Robbins events. I went from suicidal anxiety to number one Comedy Central special in 2006. This was the beginning of the learning that you can change your thoughts and the motivation. Kyle. From 2006 to 2010, I was having number one everything and killing it. And I would just picture it and I would, you know, see it and say yes. And it was awesome. And then at one point, I got so excited. In 2009, I won this Comedy Central best Comedian of the year, and it was called the Stand Up Showdown. And I wanted to teach. This is my really nice gift slash curse. I want to teach other people they can do it. And there's this thing in me that believes all of us are equally magic and sometimes don't get that some people aren't there and that I can just bring them up and get them to see it. And I got really excited about teaching aspiring comedians that they could do this. And so I had this idea where I created like a boot camp for comedians and I brought other headliners in and I would do these three day events and we'd teach people this. And I ended up partnering with the famous comedian Louis Anderson. And he and I did it for a while. And then one day I started hearing through the grapevine that different comics that were peers of mine were now talking crap amongst crap about me because I'm bringing this positive thing into comedy. I'm like, sudden, I'm a Tony Robbins in the comedy world now. And I forgot and didn't even think about it that comics can be cynical. Pretty dark. Yeah, many times, you know, you're not going to Tony Robbins a George Carlin, you know what I mean? Like, and so I. I'm with Louis Anderson one day and I said, I really want to get over what people think about me. These comics are. I would just. I just heard about. Yeah, they're all just talking about me. And they're comics, so they're loud and funny and mean. And I was like, I really want to get over what these people think of me. And Louis goes, well, who knows? Maybe it's her father. I'm like, I don't know. And I. So I went back to the hotel and I get this email and it says, hey, you, con man. It says, I read that blog this comic wrote about you. And so long ago, but an angry comic wrote a blog about me, pointing out how I must be scamming people. You can't teach people to be funny. You know, he didn't know what I was doing. He didn't understand it. I learned later I read that he. I don't know where it is, but he said he apologized to me, but he wrote this thing that was so mean. I'm gonna kill his family. He's a soulless. He said, I'm a soulless c. Effing. You know, whatever. And the thing went viral. The comics were sharing it everywhere. And I just said, I want to get over what people think about me. And all of a sudden, the universe is like, well, let's make sure you do, because we're going to give you something that's beyond your control. And so I was so, like, I mean, paralyzed with fear and pain that all of a sudden, the comedy clubs are suddenly. The comics are all. And my heroes, like, comics I loved, were reposting it. And I'm just like, like, what's going on? I just said, I want to get over what people think about me. So there was a car that was going to take me to the next gig, and I was so stunned that I just, like, said, I'm going to take a week off. I canceled the next gig, and I told the car to go without me. And I stayed in the hotel. And I just sat there, and I would think to myself, all these solutions that were in the Tony Robbins world, like, I'll have another number one special, and I'll. I'll prove them wrong with this and. And all these things. And then on day four, I mean, I was just in panic and fight or flight every second. And I had this moment where I'm in a hotel room sitting on a bed, and my body is in the past and future, and it's just constantly, like, trying to figure out what to do. And I noticed I'm safe. I've been safe for four days while thinking I'm in danger, right? And I watched. There was a moment where I saw my mind wasn't me. My mind was like, we'll do this. We'll do this. And I was like, separate from the thoughts. It's very eckhart, you know, I was just like, who was that? And I realized, that's not me. And then, like, everything fell off. And I just felt this freedom. I just felt here. All my past left, also all my accomplishments, all my victim stories, Time left. And I was just sitting there. And, like, I remember just staring at a wall for a long time and stayed a couple more days in this new feeling, like, the clouds parted, and I was still scared, you know? But it was also like this. This other Thing happened where I was separate from my thoughts now. And, yeah, I. I flew back home and I tried to get my DVD back. When we watched DVDs, I was trying to watch a movie. The DVD player wouldn't play. It wouldn't play four movies. Finally, it played this movie adaptation. And. And there's this great scene where Nicholas Cage says to his brother, he says, in high school, there's this girl you really liked, and she was talking crap about you and you didn't care. Why is that? And the brother says, because whatever she says about me can't take away from me how much I love her. He says, you are what you love, not what loves you. And I just cried my eyes out and realized, like, you know, I'm being who what loves me. And it's so weird because I would say in the last five years, some of those old patterns that come back, you know, it's. It's not permanently gone. It started coming back. What if people don't. So it's not gone, but it's like an awakening and then some reminder clouds coming back in. But there is a full knowing that all fear is a lie that needs to be seen. But that was the moment that I realized that the way to my freedom is the release of control. You know, that control is force. And finally God gave me something I couldn't control. I mean, I can't control a hundred thousand comedians crapping on me. So all of a sudden, like, I can't do it. So it, like the one who wants to control it dies. So that's weirdly the beginning of my awakening. And it really started ascending weirdly in about 2012. And 2012 felt like the beginning of several awakenings. And I feel like we've been in this kind of. Like, you've heard a lot about two Earths. Like, we're in this. This kind of. Some people think they're their pattern, and so they protect it and they don't do the work to heal the pattern. So they're just kind of this pattern getting smaller and smaller and more addicted and don't look at me and kind of get. Getting more narcissistic. And other people are like, I'm going to do the work. I'm going to see the pattern. I'm going to see what's here. And we're the farthest apart we've ever been right now. You know, like it used to be we're just two lines, and now we're like, you know, this very far apart energy, like the most awakened and the most unconscious at the same time. On our planet, we've never been like this both ways. And the people that are doing inner work are realizing the only way to continue. I can't continue through force. It literally won't work now. And the more you, you know, our suffering comes from not matching how aware we are. In other words, people think the suffering comes from being unconscious. But unconscious people, if you're truly unconscious, they're just like, did my football team win? Do I have the Cheetos? That's it.

They're essentially cypher in the matrix that says ignorance is bliss.

Right? They're fine. But imagine if you know the truth and you're living the job you hate and just not doing it. The suffering is that gap. The unconscious is trying to tell you you're very aware. Like anyone watching this call and is this far is pretty aware. You know what I'm saying? You're pretty awake. If this even makes sense to the viewer. There's some subconscious. So their suffering comes from whatever force they're holding on to, right? And it's going, let go of that, let go of that. And you start to realize the force is what we've been calling I, but it's not I because it keeps dying. And I'm still here, right? And so you must be the higher thing, right? I must be. We must be somehow source, right? We must be what we're merging with. We are the higher self. Because you cannot be the one that's efforting everything. The effort keeps dying. And it's the amount of effort in me that's died. And I'm still here. And that I called I and I'm still here, you know, it's just mind blowing. And the amount of success that shows up on the release of every effort like this thing that, you know, power versus force is totally true. That power that you are is so much more capable. It's like I have, it's always going, I have better for you, but you're holding on to this dumb thing.

How deep have you gone into Hawkins work? I would say if there's three.

I love Hawkins so much. He's my all time favorite.

The frequency chart is right there on the wall next to your wife.

That's awesome. That's awesome.

And so as I've really started to, to embody. And when I, by the way, when I say embody, I mean like my cells have it. Yeah, it's within me. It's not something that I'm just so that that word gets thrown around that matters.

I just want to share, and I know it does. I feel it in you.

I just want to share that because it's like for a long time, I intellectualized healing. I intellectualized embodiment. And it sounds like before you're in the hotel, you might have, too. Not a. Not a judgment. Right. God needed to work through you in that way. The pain that Hawkins describes, as we ascend, we go from shame, which I believe is 25. Then at 175, we start getting from pride to acceptance and courage and on and on and on up to 500 and more, which is really love and acting from you being at a frequency and not pretending that you are.

Yeah, I feel like.

And I wonder how you feel about this. Any shortcut that I try to make happen in my spiritual growth turns into a long cut, because then I just have to sit in the pain for longer. And it's like God kind of hides in the pain in a way.

Yeah.

Do you feel this? And. And if so, what sense can you make?

I mean, isn't it trippy to think I'm almost down 20 pounds in 11 days? Like, in other words, doing nothing in 11, in 11 days has caused more results than if I was working out every day really hard trying to make it happen. Like, effort can't do this. Right. But it's interesting because I wonder what caveats Hawkins would say if he was alive today. Like, I wonder if now there's a massive influx of 600 700s, even 8 hundreds in the world right now. But then I also look at the levels of what we reach, by the way. Like, I believe some people are reaching maybe 600, 700. But, like, I feel like I've reached pretty far, but I still have a ton of shame that I'm healing. So I wonder if the number is, like, the collective of the middle of that. Like, if you know what I mean, in that, like, that feels true to me. Like, I don't know how I could still feel. Oh, there's buried anger, which is whatever, 175 or something.

Feeling it from the collective in you is what you're saying.

Yeah. Or like. Like, I feel like the work I'm doing is taking me unbelievably far. But what it's doing is also purging the things that are like, 25 and 50.

Sure.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

So it's like, are we reaching a high number? And then it's like going, okay, now, finally there's no room for these lower numbers. I forget also what your question was. I didn't mean to go off on it.

No, it's great. I'll ask it to you again and I'll add in one this fun little thing. I interviewed Kelly Brogan, and she brought forth this concept that healing is a spiral. Right now, a spiral starts, and the layers of pain are pretty quick. In other words, the cycles of pain are short because the spiral is small. Once the spiral starts to get longer and wider, then the series of pain and the. The time capsule between the painful feelings and events get longer as well because the spiral grows bigger. So I don't. Just to piggyback on what you said, I don't know if any of those emotions that we feel as human beings ever 100% go away. And I don't think it's designed that way for them to ever go away completely. I just think that as our spiral gets bigger and bigger and bigger, maybe it'll happen when you're 75. You'll get this hit of like, I thought I cleared that when I was 30. I think that's really what we're talking about about now in that spiral to the question God. It feels like God uses pain as a really beautiful teacher.

Yes.

And the pain can actually move fairly quickly. If you look at Jill Taylor's work, she was a neurologist, you know her beautiful. So her brother, schizophrenic, and she found that when they mapped the neurology, that we actually only experience emotion, energy in motion for 90 seconds. It's the substructures of the brain that hold onto it because of the belief that are feeding it. So if we can just move through grief and sadness and apathy and anger in conscious conversations and friendships and things like this, then other people can get that just from being with us here. I mean, that's the permission slip. But yet for you, the question is God, for whatever reason, to use this verbiage, God kind of hides in the pain pockets. Do you believe that to be true?

Yes.

How so?

Well, I mean, first of all, once pain is alchemized, you just feel closer to God. Right. And so what we're used to doing in the old world is when we feel pain, we grab a margarita, we do whatever, and then all we're doing is just burying it. But it's still there, still there. So it's like, okay, I'll show up tomorrow, I'll show up next week. And one time, in a very guided talk, something that came through that feels fully true is as Long as you're alone, alive, there's more. There's just gonna be more. Yeah, like, and. And I gotta tell you, transcending deep wounds is the thing that feels the greatest to me. In fact, Amber will tell you something really weird That's. That's my wife is. She'll say it's the weirdest thing because I will find, oh, there's something coming up. And I will be a combination of in pain and really excited. In other words, it's the weirdest thing. Cause I'm like, oh, there's a wound right now of abandonment. Oh my God. Because I'm always thinking, this is what I'm thinking. How many cool things have I done or created with this in here and I didn't know it? What the hell will I be like with it out? So there's now a full on collaboration with God. Any problem, external or internal, I'm in. Because it's supposed to be here. In fact, isn't it weird that right before that comic blasted me that I had said to Louis, I want to get over. It's almost like God was like, put that line in so he understands the intention for why this is happening, right? If I hadn't said that to him and I read that, I don't know what would have happened. I've always had the right, like the same as I'm realizing this second, the same as merge me with my soul, no matter what the cost, before all the crap happened in my life, you know, is the same as me saying to Lou, I want to get over what people think. It's almost like God's like, okay, make him say it. Create the thing. I'm trying to get him closer to me. Now, if God was actually, I'm not saying it is, but if God was literally you trying to get you to reach you, right? Imagine you're on planet Earth and there's. There's a secret High Josh Trent, who's dying for this Josh to meet him. You know what I mean? Wouldn't you be throwing shit in the way of where everything he's trying to do, that's an agenda that's stopping his ascension. You're like, I gotta get him, all right? Like, put him through this problem. Make his wife close off.

Of course.

Like, get him. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're trying to get. Get you to you, right? If I'm. I just picture me like floating above going, try to get Kyle. Oh, crap. He thinks his business is more important right now. Oh, man, he's worried about how he looks. Okay. Make him look terrible so that we can get him to come up. Right. Like, like. And so. So then goes. Okay. Then the pain. Okay, he gets it. Okay. He. There's something in him that gets it. Okay. I'm gonna make him feel pain. Stay with me, Kyle. Stay with me. And then you just sit in the pain and then it comes out, right?

Yeah.

And so you just start to go like, oh, that. That's the ultimate goal. Right. Picture God's going, ah. Josh is trying to be a black belt. Okay. He thinks that's the answer. When he becomes a black belt, he'll be happy. No, I'm not over where the black belt is. Just stay with me, Josh, you could still do karate. But wait, I didn't know if it was karate, but, you know, that's so good.

Oh, my gosh.

There's so much exciting premise.

There's so much there.

Yeah.

Okay, if. Can we do a thought experiment?

Yeah.

If what you're saying is true, let's just have a presupposition that every construct you've presented has eternal truth.

Okay.

With a thought experiment for every single person with us right now. And for you and I, if we believe that our higher self, through the vehicle of God's energy, of God's grace, the thing that we connect with, or we, through structures, try to disconnect with, it seems to me that the quickest game to joy and the quickest game to happiness and having everything that we've even dreamed of, if not more, is actually to turn to God. But yet the wound of the word God because of. Because of religion.

Yes.

You know, you've mentioned God quite a few times, and so do I on the show with that thought experiment. How do you define God?

What is God for you? It's so interesting you say that. And weirdly, I'm sure it'll be out by the time I'm putting a video this Sunday on YouTube called God, and it's my favorite talk I've ever done. It'll be out on Sunday. And so for people watching, it's probably out. If you don't. If you're not releasing this, it's.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it'll be out.

You know, it's so interesting because I know someone with a lot of religious trauma. Their parents told them, you know, sex is shameful. You know, all those different things.

I think it's in the hundreds of millions of people.

Yes.

That have religious shame.

Yes. And how ironic is this? She's turning to God to Heal her false God. She's turning even to Jesus to heal this Jesus. I think that there's a very interesting. Like in the 50s, right, you had parents mad when, like Elvis came out and the Beatles, and that's devil's music. So in that way, God is controlling. We can't have this liberal liberation of music and, you know, expression. So there's one type of God that we've learned about that's all control. And you're. You're a terrible person. And you'll. And it's not ever really healed, you know, it's just like we judge everyone. That's not this type of religion. You'll burn in hell forever. You'll burn in hell. And I, and I stayed on the thing. It's complete child abuse to tell a kid they're going to hell. My daughter, My daughter will see a guy in a movie, make his eyes big, and she's scared. She believes fully in Santa Claus and that her elves on the shelves are real. That, like, we hear hell and we at least have a subjective go, well, maybe, or whatever. A kid is 100% in and what you tell them. And when you sell a kid, they'll burn in hell. And now the kid's worried if they made a little white lie about a cookie or something like that. They're really hurt. This is bad. They're wondering. I mean, I remember being a kid and crying because I was worried I'd one day have to be drafted in the military. Like my dad was. My mom held me. I was scared let alone I'm going to burn forever, you know, and it's so ironic because in this time there's kind of a going to Jesus that feels like a liberation, right? Like, it feels like in this kind of world of, you know, entitlement and control and anger and everything like that, like there's finally a giving up and going to Jesus. So, like, I know people who are turning to Jesus to heal their religious trauma. Isn't that amazing? Like, it's beautiful to Jesus.

Yes.

You know, and so if it's like taking you towards God, to you, to your soul, to the truth, you know, but there's. There's nothing more hell than believing you're going to hell and then being in constant resistance and being in force versus power, right?

Yes. I'm curious, man. Like, what. How do you define God for yourself?

Now, this space, you can I feel God through an opening energy. Meaning, like it'll either expand me or contract me. Right? Like, this is a funny example, but I say to people, have you ever had it where you have plans with someone and then you hope that they cancel? Right. That's a sign that you want to cancel, Right. The amount of times that we don't get that, there's a lot of things that we keep trying to get that we actually don't want. Like, I've noticed people that fell out of my life, and the people that I worry will leave my life are people I am actually relieved when they leave my life. Like, people that I love are there, but there's like this. This heaviness that. That contracts me. And I'm going off on a tangent because I'm like, you can feel if I feel this sense of relief, you know, that's moving me towards God. Like, you know, like, sometimes I'll be running the business and I'll ask myself, if this whole thing just fell apart, would you be freer? Yes. Would you be happy? Okay, so it expands me. And this is an old thing you might have even seen me do at the Alex Theater with that event. But I believe every second you have something that either feels like it expands you or contracts you. So expands you is like always an open ended thing. It'll show up like an idea or a calling. What if we left this job right now? What if we flew to Italy right now? What if I asked the person out? What if I let go? What if today I fast? That actually happened? You know, in fact, I don't know if this is weird to say, but the night before I'm gonna say it. It's true. The night before, I took a weed gummy and I went insane. Like, I felt God show up and go, how many? Like, like, literally I went insane. Amber had to, like, help me. And I was like, why did I take that? I was just chilling, wanting to have it. I felt a hand go on my head. Amber was like, should I call 91 1? It was like I heard a voice go, how many times do I have to tell you to stop doing stuff like this? And I just was humbled. Let go. I asked for Jesus in the good way, not the. I'm totally shamed. Like, and then the next day, just looked at Amber go, what if I fast? And then I said, I want to fast to know God. And then I said, I'm going to do this. Also. This was what locks me to do the whole thing. I'm going to do this in honor of you because I want you to have. I'm emotional. I want you to have the best version of Me. She gets a guy that's worried and running his business and trying to do it right and is into himself. And I'm like, I want to know me. She deserves the best man. She's such a wonderful woman. And when I just declare it for her, there's just. There's just no stopping. And here I am on day 11. And it was very, very easy once. It was for her, you know, and it's still for me, you know, but it's also like, very easy to just be like, I'm not going to disappoint her. I want her to see how strong I really am that I'm discovering I really am, you know? So that was a tangent, but like, it was a moment that felt like God. And then, you know, it was another reason I had to fast was because a thing that Amber knows about me is she's been with me for years and watched me do six days a week of CrossFit or a heavy workout, or lift heavy weights and eat unbelievably healthy and not lose a pound. And I'm like, why is this not here? I'm like, because the one in here is the one taking me to the gym and efforting and using force, right? So it's like God was saying, the only way is fasting. The only way you're going to get healthy is fasting. And I'm going to use that. You'll get fit as the leverage to make you connect to me. So it was a calling and it felt expansive, and it always feels expansive, but it also feels scary. So we get this first voice that goes, what if we do this? What if we let go? It always feels scary. So guess what happens whenever you have a calling. It's an open ended thing. The ego will show up and it will be scared because what you just did, what you're hearing, will kill this. So it's got to come up with a why you shouldn't. Who will you. Who do you think you are? No one cares about it. And it'll be like, literally, like, I've used this as a kind of comedic example. But this first thing will be like, you know, we should quit this company. And then this thing's like, yeah, but if we do, we can't go to the Cheesecake Factory party next Thursday, you know? And this one's like, dude, don't worry about it. If you follow me. You can't tell you this, but you'll own all the cheesecake factories in a month if you follow me. And this was like, yeah, but they have those Thai lettuce wraps. And I just say if you ever stayed in a relationship you don't want to be in because you know, eventually the two of you will go camping. You know what I'm talking about? Like, have you ever been with someone you just don't want to be with, but you're like, yeah, but Christmas is around the corner, and, you know, it's like, we're going to go camping in three months, so I'll keep hating the person, and then I'll hate them in the woods. Like, the reason you can't, I find, is the reason you have to. The reason every time it comes up, the reason you can't. Like, I would love to live my truth. And this comes up and goes, yeah, but you have kids, dude. You have to live your truth in front of your kids. Like, they're the reason you have to live your truth.

I want to push back on you on this because I hear what you're saying. I think if we're not careful. Now you're speaking from a very conscious place. You're on day 11 of a fast. Plus, there's like decades of work behind you. If somebody is hearing what you just said, where on one hand the ego is saying, like, yeah, but we got to stay in this job. And on the other hand, it's like, well, we'd own all the cheesecake factories if we just listened. I think there's real beautiful truth there. But if we're not careful, is what I'm saying. If we're not conscious, we can actually listen to the ego try to distract us from something that the ego needs to learn or gets to learn. So that's very advice by staying in the relationship and learning the lesson first.

You know what?

So I wanted to speak to that.

I'm so happy you said that because that this premise, this the Cheesecake Factory joke, probably is 10 years old. And you're right, though.

It hits.

And. And then I have had many things that it goes, we should let go. And. And. But this let go is an ego. It's actually this hand. You know what I mean? Because it's like, no, you have to stay present because there's still more lessons in it. I'm with you completely.

That's it.

Yeah. That was a very. That was still a very. I'm realizing that so many of my. My greatest hits 10 years ago are like, more duality than I'm at now. It's the old Kyle. It's like going, yeah, it's going no, we're still needing to dissolve this. I'm so happy you called that. Because yes, there are so many times that I'm like, try to use this and use it. But then I realized the ego pulled this out. So I can leave this thing.

Yeah.

And it goes, yeah, so you can't learn. You're not done with this. It goes, you're not done with this. I've had a past relationship with someone that it was on and off and back and forth a hundred times as we share a child and we try to get out. But there's still so many lessons in there. I mean, we're different patterns and trying to find common ground as co parents and stuff like that.

Sure.

But because we have a daughter, it couldn't be all or nothing. And man, is it just constant inner work for both of us because we're opposite. I mean, we're so different energies. But like, I can't get rid of it in that way. I can't get out of the thing and she can't either. But because we have to coexist. So there's this kind of gray area. Okay, what are the patterns here that it can't all the way go. So it's going to heal me deeper than ever, you know, because sometimes you're right. We leap out of it before we learn the lesson, man.

So good. We have covered a lot of ground.

I loved this one.

Really?

Yeah.

I know y' all feel it. What's something that didn't get said that your heart or God is wanting to be said about this conversation?

Well, one thing I guess I would just say in general, is that a thing that I've learned in my life that is so important is everything is okay. And the ego works from everything's not okay. In fact, if I say to any person probably everything's okay, the first thing they do is find a problem. And the reason is because the ego was built to fix problems, not receive that everything's okay. And almost every decision we make is from which way will not hurt me the most. And the more we start to practice through the now and embodying the everything's okay ness, the more we can create from overflow, the more we can. You know what I mean? We can do what we want. Because if always were okay, what would you do? You know is a very different question than like the subconscious about which way to go is usually I'm scared I'll do it wrong. You get what I'm saying? And one of the things that kills the ego Is the constant ongoing practice of everything's okay right now. And I know that people go, yeah, but I'm a million dollars in debt or I have this problem or whatever. Yeah, but this second everything's okay. And you're carrying the problem so that the ego has something to overcome. And I would offer you to let go of the problem for a second, embody everything's okay and let yourself release the holding onto the problem. And boy, will you be shocked how many changes happen outside of you that like will fix itself. Because you're releasing the. Because if you're holding onto it, you're saying the five year old version of me is going to take care of this, not God. And so still do what you need to do, but do it from overflow. Do it from your safe, you know, if you're going to court tomorrow, do it from your safe, you know, do it from love. Just take that in and practice it and feel it. Because that's the only way to start, you know, and everything else we live with, that it's not okay is a constant lie. And yes, if someone is in a bad situation or you're in a war zone or someone's on fire, that's what fight or flight is for. And the more you bring in everything's okay, the better. You're connected to your body. That will kick in true. Fight or flight for survival. But you don't need to live everyone else's problem and every other thing in past and future to stay the story of everything's not okay because you're ignoring God in that moment.

That's really beautiful. This whole thing's been beautiful. Where can people go to get more juice?

Okay, Kyle, so I'm grabbing my phone because my, my editor gave me the links because we're moving stuff around, but so we have a website, a membership site. It's insane. And I'm in the last year of it. It's called Infinite Expansion. It's so awesome. And I do a call Wednesday and Sunday. Almost all of our live events, including the one you were at, are on it. It's crazy. You get to just keep raising the vibration. Knowing the shifts that I'm having right now, I'm really anticipating what it's going to be like next year. But we do hot seats, we shift people. You do Q and A's. It's insane. So they can go to Kyleseiss.com everything Kyle Cease.com, everything.

It's on the screen right now. If you're watching on Spotify or YouTube.

I have two products out that are my favorite two products I've ever done. They're also. My most recent one is called you'd Soul is not for Sale. This is a three day event that I did in New York. This is an audio recording and every second of it was just insane. And it became this bizarre. It's a great example of surrender because as it keeps going, it gets bizarrely more synchronistic and weird and so many things start to happen and you just get breakthrough after breakthrough. So it's called your Soul is not for Sale. And to get that, they can go to app. So app.kyle cease.com soul.

Okay, it's on the screen now.

Okay, awesome. And I got one more. Okay. We did an event called Boundaries. Boundaries is a two day event and it comes with an interactive workbook. I have discovered that like as I'm doing a fast right now, I've been boundarying food. I'm finding my boundarylessness by boundarying these things, right. That don't align with me. People are so scared to boundary people, they don't align with a job. They don't like their addictions and the only reason is they don't have an understanding of how amazing their connection to Source would be if they did. And so we did an event called Boundaries that will get you to see why you're doing it and get you to understand what's on the other side. Because if everyone understood what was on the other side, they would boundary everything instantly. So the Boundaries event is a two day video series and it comes with a workbook. And you're going to shift so many things. That's probably my favorite product we've ever made. That's probably my favorite thing I've ever done. In fact, the talk that's on YouTube called God is from Boundaries. So they can see that and then grab boundaries if they want to.

Amazing.

That website is for that they can go to app.kylesis.com getboundaries. App.kylesis.com GetBoundaries.

All right, it's linked below. Thank you for taking us below and above. Yeah, I really connected with this on so many levels. You know, this podcast has always been my therapy and my collegiate plus level PhD education today was no different, man. And for all of you out there who have stayed with us, please share this podcast. Like, if you feel in your heart and soul that this conversation was worthy of sharing, which I do believe it is, you have no idea how the sharing of something is such a beautiful act when you share something that you feel love from that you feel will bring others introspection and worthiness and essentially more love. You create ripples that you cannot even imagine. So share this podcast and until we see Kyle again on another podcast, I'm wishing you love, wellness, but most importantly, peace and power. You cannot have power unless it comes from peace. We'll talk with you next week.