From Inner Chaos to FREEDOM: Transform Your Identity Through Parts Work (IFS)

Here's why. Knowing and doing are totally separate. You can know something and you could want to change, and you could know that you know that you know how to do it, but you still don't do it. Why is that? We're exploring that today on this LLS this Is a Liberated Life series podcast with myself and my co pilot, Mar. Let's dig in. All right, Mar. So awareness without action. We know it's just another mental masturbation addiction thing. There's so much. We're in an ocean of freaking information in this world. We're in an ocean and we're flailing around. But here's the thing. We're going to create the island today. It's time to get out of the ocean of information and step onto the island of clarity with myself and with Mar. Now, Mar, I know that we are inspired to do this episode because of something that you personally were going through, and it's very sacred. And I thought we would give this a try because it's real, and everybody deserves authenticity. Everyone does. So just because you're aware of something doesn't mean that it'll relieve the stuckness. Until your biology trusts your mind, until your biology, your body, your unconscious mind trusts the knowledge that your conscious mind is taking in. In other words, there gets to be a bridge. There gets to be a fusion of something in your body that's being felt, that's out of discord. It's not in alignment with something consciously that you know. So let's go in. What. What are you currently experiencing that you know? You know, but your body is saying that it doesn't know.

So a couple of weeks ago, I reached a point when I just was so fed up with the way I use social media, because that's something. A few years ago, and I've described it before on our episodes here, I consciously chose to get addicted to social media. And I knew it was bad, but at that moment, I just wanted to escape reality. And it's been chasing me all these years, and I always try to get away from it, but I always go back and I start doing the same. And eventually, just, like, it gets too overwhelming, and I know it's bad for me, and I'm aware. I'm aware of so many things that I've worked through over the past five years or so. And I know I should be doing that. I know this would be good for me. I know, like, all the steps, I know all the information, but I don't apply it on my life. And that's like, all the signs suddenly started pointing me towards, like, there was probably a couple of days that were screaming at me, take action, take action, take action. And at that point I was like, okay, this is it. I was so fed up with using Instagram all the time, I removed it from my phone and I was like, okay, I finally can live. But I'm taking more action than I did before. I have someone who's keeping me accountable for doing certain things, like meditating every single morning, which is something I've been wanting to do for a long time because I know it's good for me, it's good for everybody. And so I'm finally doing that. But even when I'm sitting in the meditation and there are days that I don't want to sit in it, but I still do it, even though if it's a few minutes, I still do it. But deep inside, I know I could sit here much longer, but there's a part of me who just cannot. And it's just like screaming, you got to get up and do stuff. Okay, so this is just.

Can we just take a big. Can we. Can we take a big, deep breath for that part of you right now? So just close your eyes and just breathe and just access that part of you. And just let that part of you be seen, be felt. If this part of you, and it doesn't have to answer, by the way, because this is a really beautiful, sacred, gentle part of you. If this part wants to share with us its age, what would this part say? How old are they?

Can you go into more detail about what the part is feeling exactly?

The one that. That part of you, that part of you that is knowing that she should meditate longer, knowing that she should have the app and this should be under control. The part of you that says I should just breathe into that part, what is that part of you that says I should be. I should. That part.

I feel like very early teenage.

Okay, so just. Just let's. How old does that feel?

12, 13?

Just put an age on it. All right. And does this part have a name?

That's how my parents call me. Maki.

Maki. So just. Just breathe a breath for 12 year old Maki and just let her know that you're here from curiosity and you're not here to make her do anything at all. You just want to hear what she has to say. Just breathe into Maki and just ask her with curiosity. But feel the curiosity in your heart. Feel the curiosity and the authenticity of your own love for her in Your heart. And just ask her, what do you think we should be doing, Maki? What is it that we. You think we should be doing? What does she say?

We should prove ourselves. Because when we prove ourselves, we will be worthy of love.

And just ask Maki itself. Okay. If you love her now, is it okay if I just love you right now?

It doesn't feel like it.

Of course. She's so strong. Why. Why would she trust that you'd all of a sudden want to love her? She's been screaming, let her know you have her. Let her know that you're here and she doesn't have to do anything. And let her know that she doesn't have to love you back. Because you're just going to stand here and just love her right now. And just let her know that it's okay to feel the way she feels, that she's not alone, and that you're right here. And just ask her if it's okay if you ask her one more question. Maki, can I ask you one more question? Is that all right? Just ask her. What does she say?

Yes.

Maki, what do you need to feel safe right now? Just ask her. What do you need, sweetheart?

Physical touch. I feel like. Am I speaking from, like, her personal as an eye or as a she?

It's you. It's just a part of you. So just go to her and just gently put your arm around her. And just hold her for a minute and suspend any other thoughts that come in. Just focus on her. Suspend everything else. Just be with her for a moment, this part of you that feels alone, that feels trapped, that feels like she can't get love unless she exceeds expectations. And just let her know that you have her for this moment. What does she say when you hold her? What does she feel?

She feels uncomfortable because she's not used to it. Like she wants it. But at the same time, she's like, I've never gotten this, so it doesn't feel natural.

Ask her if it's okay if you just rub her back. If you just sit gently next to her. Ask her if it's okay. What did she say?

It's okay.

And just thank her for letting you be there for her. Say, thank you, monkey, for letting me be here with you. Thank you. Thank you for letting me see you. I so appreciate you. I so appreciate your strength. I so appreciate your curious heart, your childlike essence. Why does she feel trapped? Why does she feel like she should do things? Let her speak.

Because when she does things, that's when People notice her. That's when people appreciate her and potentially can give her love.

And just ask her if it's okay, just for a moment to push all of that away and just know that you love her right now and that it's okay. She was looking for love that way. What does she feel then?

She doesn't really believe me.

And just smile at her and let her know that you love that she doesn't believe you. And you love how strong she is. And you love how she teaches you about strength. Just let her know that. And can she feel in your heart the most gentle, loving curiosity about how it feels to just be held by you? Can she just be a little bit more. Just a tiny bit more curious? Would that be okay, Maki, if you were just a tiny bit more curious about a place that's safe, where you can be held? Is that okay? Yes. And just let her know that we're gonna go slow. And she doesn't have to do anything. There's nothing she has to do. Just her being beautiful is enough. Just this beautiful young girl who's doing the absolute best she could, who needs you now, a woman in her 30s to give her something that her mother and father didn't know how to. So just give her that now. Just give her that love and ask if she's willing to receive it. Can I love you, Mackie? Can I love you? What does she say?

She's saying that that's all she ever wanted.

Can you let her know that you understand? I understand how hard that is for you. Let her feel it from your heart that you understand how hard that is for her, that you see her pain. What does she feel?

Sad and happy at the same time. Because that's what.

Let her know that you can hold her. Yes. Go ahead. Go ahead.

She feels like she's been missing out on so much. What she was meant to receive as a. As like everybody else.

And just let her know that it's okay to feel that. And that she can come with you right now and that there's no time to waste. Mackie. I've got you right here, right now. I'm so sorry the past was like that. I'm so sorry they didn't understand. I've got you. I'm here for you. Let her know. Let her know that you've got her. You're here for her. And whatever she feels is completely okay. If she trusts you, if she doesn't, if she wants to be held, if she doesn't, whatever she feels is okay. And what does she feel?

She still has a little bit of trust issues. She's open to it and she wants it really bad. But she is not sure if she can trust.

And let her know that's perfectly okay. Let her know. I understand, Maki, why you don't trust. I understand. How could you? How could you trust? Who taught you how? Who taught you how to trust, Mikey? No one. And let her feel the beautiful, radiant, feminine, powerful woman you are right now. And ask her if she's proud of you. And look what you've become. Are you proud of me? Monkey? Look at what you helped make me. Look at this beautiful, powerful, successful, wonderful, heart centered, feminine woman that I am. Thank you Maki for helping make this woman. Just let her receive. What does she feel?

She's surprised that she was able to do it all on her own.

Because.

It didn't feel like it back then.

Give her a huge two armed hug. Hug this beautiful, wonderful little 12 year old Maki. Hug her, hold her. Let her know that she is amazing. She is incredible. The strength, the awareness. Let her know that she's loved. She's always been loved. You've always loved her. Just ask her if you can hold her to your chest. Maki, can I hold your head to my chest? Can I hold you? What did she say?

Yes.

So just hold her the way that you would hold a child if you were to become a mother. How would you hold your baby? And just hold her just like that. And ask her with a little smile. Maki, do you want to come with me? Do you want to come with me? As we grow, as we become a mother, as we live our lives. Do you want to come with me?

Yes.

What does she say?

Definitely yes.

And just let her know that she's with you every day, all the time, in every moment. You're right here for her. And let her know that you're sorry, that you forgot her. Because you're a human and you're in this world. Sometimes the world can be confusing. But let her know there's zero confusion about how much you love her. And if you check into Maki, is she a little bit playful? She a little bit relieved? Is she a little bit more happy? Is she a little bit more open? Just a little bit, a little bit more open to letting you, the mother, the woman, drive the car, Live the life so she can rest. And just breathe into her and thank her for letting you talk to her. She's so amazing, this young Maki. I can see her. She's so cool. She's so cool. And just let her know that whenever she wants to talk to you that you're right here and you'll listen to her whenever she has anything to say. Thank her for the awareness of the fact that she and you don't really want to watch social media. She and you just want to go play. She and you just want to feel peace and she and you just want to trust that God and life and maybe a beautiful husband has your back and just let her know that they do. Let her know that you have her back too. Just give her a really big squeeze and just thank her for being a part of you, the part of you that connects, the part of you that loves, the part of you that opens, the part of you that can receive. And just say, thank you, Maki. Thank you so much. And just let that be enough and feel her with you as you slowly, whenever you want. You don't even have to leave her right now because you're never leaving her anyways. Just come back to this reality, which is the same reality that you connected with her in the same reality with your eyes open, the same reality with your eyes closed. It's all the same. It's all the same. She is such an amazing young girl. I could see her skateboarding. Was she skateboarding?

She wasn't. She was too scared.

She. She was too scared. But she wanted to.

Yeah.

What. What was this. What was this experience like for you? And what. What peace and calmness do you feel in your nervous system knowing that she's with you, she's a part of you. And this isn't just hearsay. This isn't just mental frameworks. It's something that you feel. What. What is here for you now in your heart, in your throat, in your solar plexus. You and Maki. What's that like?

Feels like I knew about her and I've been doing my best to see her, but I didn't really see her. I could feel the feeling that she had, but I didn't really know it was her who was calling for attention because not feeling loved and knowing where I grew up. I don't think my parents were bad people at all. They were amazing. But the element of love, how they expressed love that was. Was always missing for me. And that's why I got into relationships that were pointing out where I was lacking in that sense. Yeah, it felt very peaceful. I could feel how much she wanted it, but she was not trusting and she was scared. And even though she wanted it so bad and she was too Scared to receive it at the same time. So it's like very a big paradox. It's like you want it, but at the same time, you're closing off to receive it.

So, yeah, I mean, mar. What a blessing and a gift. I actually forgot we were podcasting. I totally forgot. I forgot other people were here because I was so just with you, just helping guide this beautiful connection between you and Maki and, you know, the. The youthfulness inside of you that makes you fun to work with, that makes you good at what you do. It's her. It's always been her. Just like little Joshi, right? We have these children inside of us. And so the reason why awareness isn't enough sometimes is because we might be mentally aware, consciously aware, but way deep down in our heart, in our energy system, in our emotion, energy in motion, the body has to believe what the mind is trying to say. And if the body doesn't believe, then we could learn all day long and we could have all kinds of awarenesses all day long. But the body and mind are one. They've just been pitted against each other from all this thinking that we do here in the world. And so that's why this is so important. And I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. We've never done something like that before. I just felt it. I was like, we're going to do this because you're such a warrior, you're such a spiritual warrior, and you're even willingness or openness to go to her. I didn't know her name was Maki. The fact that you'd be able to share that with somebody who I know is feeling their heart, touched by it. And in no way am I even honestly part of the process. It's just really about you and her is more about me just loving and helping and supporting you to go to her. It's almost like if I was in your house and I just said, hey, maybe you should go talk to her. That's basically what I just did. Yeah, right. And then you just asked her questions. That's. That's what awareness really is. But I think in life, we try to get awareness from reading books and listening to podcasts and being like, top down. And the part of this that's so special and so cool is that now Even if this half a percent or 1% of Maki has opened up to you, the. The wonderful Mar who runs the show, runs the ship, drives the car, imagine as you go back to her more often, how that half a percent or 1% could turn into a 3% and then 5%. And then, you know, months from now, it's like she trusts you half the time. Great. You might go to her, and all of a sudden she's like, let's go skateboard on the boardwalk near the beach. But let's wear that one red top that you know we love. Right? Or something like that. That's the kind of playfulness that our friends love from us. Not that our friends don't love our seriousness, our friends don't love our limitations, but we're just loving each other through all of them. And that's the most wild part of this life. So thank you, Mar and Maki, for being honest and open to be able to share this part of you. And it's so profound because we all have the capacity to do this. There are many times where we just get to be supported because it's scary. It's scary to go to a part of ourselves that at first audible or at first glance might go, what are you even doing here? You haven't been here for so long. Why do you think you can just come back in here and talk to me? How strong she is or how strong he is or how strong they. It's like it's the same archetype inside of all of us. So that. That part of you that was like, well, what do you want from me? You're here now, but what do you. What do you need? The beauty that you brought to her, that was like. I mean, a couple times I almost cried with you because it was just so profound. You were just loving her and just loving her and just being there for her and just holding her and just. No matter what she came back with, you were just meeting her with love. It was so beautiful, so profound. That's what she needs. Because your mom and dad didn't know how to do that. Your mom and dad are wonderful people, y'. All. All of our mothers and fathers are wonderful people. Even the ones that do heinous things. It's all just mental shattering that we go through. My mom's experiencing manic bipolar today, just like she has for a long time. My dad is on his own journey. We're all on our own journey. It's this unlimited capacity of God to feel God's self in all of us. But really, the goal here on planet Earth is unconditional love. It's not easy. It's so un. It's so hard. It's so hard to do unconditional love and to be unconditional love. And to have unconditional love. And maybe all we get is just these moments, like with Mar, you and I, and with. With Maki, where I just. I hold that in such reverence. From afar, right? I. I watch it from afar, and I'm like, wow, what a. What an incredible moment to just. We thought it was about the social media. We think it's about the exterior thing. We think it's about all these things outside of us. But. But it's 100% of the time always something way deep down in us that's running the show. So, yeah, being aware of something doesn't fix something because there's nothing to actually fix. If you came to her and you said, maki, we need to fix something, she'd be like, she doesn't want to fix anything. She doesn't want to fix the past. She just wants you to love her and be there for her and love her into trusting life again. Because we all close our hearts to God. We close our hearts to men. We close our hearts to women because our hearts get trampled on. Our hearts get really hurt. And it happens in ways that are just unfathomable. I don't understand, nor will I ever, why God wants to experience God self in all these ways. But I trust that there is a divine orchestration. I trust that I'll never know the answer. And just, you know, the fact that I'll never know the answer is enough to trust, because my ego wants to slam my fist on the table and say, God, give me the answer. Why is. Why did Maki suffer? Why did Mary suffer? Why did Josh suffer? Why do we all suffer? God, what is this all about? Ah. And that's just the ego demanding reason, demanding logic. But there is no answer. I'll end it right here by saying the same story that I know you've heard, like, five times, Mar. It was from my grandfather stopping me when I was 11. But if y' all are with us, my grandfather stops me in the hallway and he says, josh, are you going to church? I was like, no, these people are waving their hands and they're kind of weird. They're speaking in tongues. He's like, well, why don't you believe in God? We said, well, I don't know. I just don't. I just don't. Typical, like, young kid answer. And he said, well, Josh, what if I told you that I think he even said Joshua now that I'm really feeling it. So he said. I think he said, joshua, what if. What if I told you that when it comes to God. There is no such thing as a beginning, middle or end. And that the mind of man could never conceptualize that. My grandpa just dropped this atom bomb on me when I'm like 10 years old. I don't even know. I was young. I was very young. And here I am at 45 sharing the wisdom that he shared. So this. This wisdom that we don't need the answer. It's not enough that we have awareness. Awareness is not enough. The answer is not enough. It's surrendering to the fact that awareness is really just a guidepost, just like a feeling is a guidepost of an emotion. Right? We are not depressed. We are not anxious. We are experiencing. We are feeling because feeling is the sensory mechanism that allows us to receive the energy and motion in our body, which is emotion. Energy in motion. Just like the answer that we're seeking. Being aware. I'm aware. I'm aware that something is hurting me. Great. This is the beautiful place to start. When you're aware that something is off. Like social media scrolling or pornography for me for two decades. When you're aware that something is off, go deeper. Go deeper and learn the real story about what's making the external behavior show up. Because it's almost never about the external behavior. The external behavior is always this clue. It's the same. It's the feeling that leads us to the emotion. The external scrolling is the clue that leads us to the emotion. And the emotion that she felt was sad. Maki was sad. She felt alone. She felt like no one understood her. She just wanted love. And so she thought by holding her breath and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling that she might get love. But now you know. And now she knows that's not how you get love. You just get love. When I'm right here. It's really beautiful. Thank you for being here with me, Mar. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your heart with the world. And thank you all for being here as well. Did not know that was going to happen. But this is what emotional epigenetics is. I am not the creator of emotional epigenetics. I'm a steward. I'm a. I'm a practitioner. I'm a student. The one thing that I will say is the energy and motion that lives in us, in our epigenome, in our genetics, it gets passed on. Now. It doesn't have to be passed on. You can stop it. You can stop it from passing it on. Just like Mar did today. And the beauty and the power of this, that's so profound. That you most likely felt, I know you felt in your own life, is that you get to surrender that this is a practice. Emotional epigenetics and the science and the technology of identity transformation is a technology. And this technology has been around ever since we were born because this technology is God. I'm not here to say that I am God, although I am a imagination. I am a creation of God. I'm a son of God. I'm a child of God, just like Mara is a daughter of God. We all are. And if God flags you, if God triggers you that word God, I would suggest that you go deeper into the understanding of what is God for you and what is God wanting from you while you're here, and what is God dreaming through you while you're here? So that's what this is all about, y'. All. It's. It's uncomfortable at times, but after the uncomfortableness, it's so worth it. It's so absolutely worth it. I spent 40 plus years of my life getting to this point where I can say to you with honesty that the only thing that really matters is going into the depths of yourself to feel the things that were given to you that you didn't even ask for. Although maybe you did so that you can absolve your children from experiencing the hardships that you've experienced, so that they can have their own unique hardships without your projections, without your pain. And so this is the call for all of us, right? It's on the screen now, liberatedlife.com. if this is your work in life, if you resonate with this work, join us over there. Also, we're continuing to have these conversations on these Liberated Life series, because at the end of all, this is liberation. That's why we're here. That's what we're doing. We're not here to just waste your time or masturbate with thought and see what sticks. I'm interested in results. I'm interested in the truth. And I know you felt the truth today in your own way through Mars vulnerable, powerful public experience. So until we see you again on another podcast, I'm wishing you love wellness, but most importantly, peace and power. You felt it today with Mar. You cannot have peace unless it comes from real peace. And you cannot have power unless it comes from a trustworthy place of peace. We're all doing the best we can. Peace is a moving target. And a lot of times when we are so committed to having peace 24 7, we actually remove ourselves from peace. So let this be a practice for all of us. Let this be a weekly check in where you can cultivate that peace in yourself. Because that's where power comes from. All right, y', all, we'll talk to you next week.