How We Saved Our Union (Emotional)

Yeah, that's what was so confusing to me with us is like, oh, I. I know there's, like a big love between us. Like, I can feel our soul resonance so deeply. And then here we are on this earthly plane, ego, personality, just putting us at war all the time. And, yeah, a lot of time when I would shut down, it's like I. You know, in retrospect, from our ceremony yesterday and you kind of guiding us, and it just made me really see into this beautiful part of myself that, yeah, I was protecting myself. I also needed to know that you weren't gonna ridicule me or I could trust that you wouldn't try to kill me or not really kill me, but, yeah, you know, a survival thing. And I didn't feel that with you before. I felt like I had to continue to protect myself because if I open up to. I don't know what's going to happen. That was way too scary for me. And, yeah, really exploring that in our ceremony yesterday. Like, I. I don't feel like that's going to be a big issue as much. I mean, I'm not saying that I won't ever shut down, but I think and feel that I can trust you in those moments that you're not going to really hurt me, you know?

Yeah. It's like I shared my nervous system still getting used to just being open and. And learning how to be in this 2.0 with you. So I. I cherish and honor the fact that your nervous system is still getting used to that too. Yeah, that's fine.

It's.

It's welcome. It's. It's all right.

Yeah, this is all new. It's brand new, and it feels different than any time, any healing sessions before. So, yeah, I kind of was, like, thinking, like, oh, maybe we're doing, like, a interview too, or a conversation too soon because we haven't really, really truly integrated yet. But.

Not time.

Yeah, but I. I just feel the shift on a deep, somatic level. Yeah.

Yeah. There was a part. A deep, cellular, energetic part of you that just had to know, like, you had to know that no matter what, that I was going to love you no matter what. And, oh, yes, that's true for me now. And that'll. I know that wasn't ever true for me before.

I had to know that you were gonna love me, even if it wasn't in service to you. I. And have to know. I have to know that that just frees up so much space for me to, like, choose you before it's like, yeah, it's really. It's. It's deep in the aspect of, like, I could feel that part of me that was like, oh, I couldn't leave Josh. I wouldn't want to hurt him that bad. Know how much that hurt him. And. Yeah. Just questioning, like, do I want to be in relationship? Like, oh, but we have children. And then also going back to this vision and deep soul resonance I have with you is really what kept me there. But. And I. I know there was possibility with us to clear this and having this space away for that week. I was really angry at first. Like, how can he just leave? And. But it was so necessary. So necessary. Yeah. And it was very necessary for me to, like, clear the fog of, oh, I do really want to be with him. And now I'm going to do anything I need to do to get to that higher union that we.

Yeah. You thought I was going to come back home and say, I'm done, and you were going to be like, nope. Oh, yeah, I'm not letting you do that.

I said that. I said that to him last night. Yeah. I said, I thought, he's going to come home and say, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. And I actually was gonna be like, nope, sorry, you're gonna figure it out with me. And I'm ready to just uncover what you think I need to. What I think I need to in order to be in better union and vice versa. So, yeah, we owe it to ourselves. We owe it to our children. We owe it to our ancestors. And it's easier to walk away, I think. So I had to really look at those parts of myself that, where is Josh Wright? In some ways, like, yeah, I know that my behavior is triggering his deepest wounds, and his behavior triggers my deepest wounds. And if we could just let go of the battle of the sexes, I think. I think we would. Would do great. And I think since you've come back, you haven't said anything about how a role of a woman or what do you think a man should be.

Yeah.

So it doesn't have to be like a. A fight between men and women.

Yeah. What I traced that back to was I, you know, my dad, he really allowed. He made really poor choices in women and women that would walk all over him. And I used to resent that so much about him. I'd be like, why do you. Why do you let these women just blatantly disrespect you? And I. I didn't even realize this until now. I didn't even say this in our ceremony. I haven't said this to you at all. But, like, I was like, I'll never be like that. I'll never be weak like my father. And I think that definitely played out in the previous version of our relationship of, like, I'm never gonna let a woman walk on me. I'm never gonna let a woman disrespect me. Like, I saw them. He. He allowed them to disrespect him. And also, looking back on my previous relationships, I totally let women walk all over me. And I think I had some of that resentment that was wanting to be cleared as well. Like, it's. I even feel like it coming out now. Like, it's like, off gassing, you know, just still letting go of that and just knowing that, like, you're not them. You're. You're not my dad, you're not my mom. But on some visceral level, like, that shit lives in us, you know, in ourselves. It. And we unconsciously push it onto the. Onto the person that we love. And it's just so sad that we. That we do that. And it's so fucking liberating to have that awareness. Not that the road ahead has to be perfect. I'm sure that, like, off gassing will continue in some way, but. But yeah, the commitment I made to you and. And that I'm. I'm solid in is that I'm committed to this version of us. I'm committed to this version of us. And if the old version comes up, I don't need a guarantee that I'll be able to handle it or not, because I know I'll be able to handle it. And so my. My commitment and my love to you now comes from that place. I don't need a fucking guarantee. I think in life, I've always. Even in my business and just in general relationships, I've needed some kind of, like, tacit guarantee that I'll be okay. But in a. In a fucking paradox, like, I actually took away the intimacy of friendships, business, you. Because I. I needed some kind of guarantee that I wouldn't be hurt or I wouldn't be loved or I wouldn't be abandoned. And to that, I say, fuck, no. I'm not interested in that. I'm not interested in playing that game anymore. And that feels freeing. Like that. That, to me, is liberation. Like taking off the cuffs from myself, thinking that you were the one that was cuffing me. But, like, I. I actually showed up, and I'm like, what the. Where are these cuffs on me, and I have a key, and I can just unlock my own cuffs. So. So that's the place that I. That I get to love you from now, is that place that I don't need a guarantee. And it would crush me if we broke up. Like, I would. It would be really sad. It would be devastating, but I would still love you and I would. I would still eventually be okay.

And.

And. And I know that you need that. And I feel like every woman needs that. And I. Like I said with Josh and my brother, like, I truly didn't know how to wear that. Like, I didn't know how to embody that before, and now I. I know how to embody that for you. And that's fucking power. Like, I've always, like, signing my email sometimes, like, peace and power. It's like, well, I can't actually have power unless it's from peace. I can't do that. You can't. You can't feel my power unless you can feel my peace. Especially with what you've been through. Like, it's just. It's not going to be possible for you. So in this crazy fucking way, in the same way, in the beginning of our relationship and definitely now, like, you. You were always. You were always calling me forward. You were always calling me forward. And there's real truth in that. Yeah. And I just love you for that. Check out some of the videos on this screen that are perfectly curated based on the video you just saw. Make sure you follow me and I'll see you in the next video.