Transcript excerpt of a conversation (podcast/interview) about 'men's work' and inner development for modern men. Speakers discuss balancing emotional work with responsibilities (family, work, physicality), embodiment of goals, creating routines, and using personal pain as catalyst for growth. The tone is reflective, practical, and motivational, emphasizing holistic self-improvement rather than focusing on one skill.
Chapters
In order to be a good man, to striving to be a great man, there's so much inner work that has to be done. And yes, of course, the same thing exists for the feminine, for females as well. And by the way, masculine and feminine exists in both genders, right? Equally. Because it's all one. But with that, with that frame of all the things we've spoken about and even your story, you know, the vacuum where you almost died when you're three and a half, and bring you to where you are. This is why I'm so excited to do men's work with you, because I've had my own journey, which I've shared in other podcasts, and y' all can listen to those podcasts as well, because I really want to spotlight this, this blending that you and I have come to, to create. And it's just this work for men, for the modern world. Like, yes, back in the day, we would sit around the fire and we would go hunting, but it ain't that world anymore. Like, all the qualities that you've already discussed, where we fill the holes and, and we address the wounding and we understand the physicality and we, we actually have connection with a higher power. Like, these are so important. But when we look at men's work right now, 2020, 2021, I can't think of a more important time for men to actually be grounded in what they believe and to live their purpose. So what do you look when you look across the landscape for, like, men's work and even that term, men's work, it sometimes can be pretty confusing, man. What do you see as what people get wrong about men's work right now?
I feel like they just stick to one thing and they go full on. And then they get good at one thing. I'll give you an easy crying. So they get good at emotionally releasing when they want to or when they need to, and they feel that. But then they still don't show up for their family or the responsibilities at work or, you know, maybe they're not even honest with what they really want to do. And they're like. And then there's so many other aspects to that and to their lives, but they got good at that one thing, and that becomes their identity. Oh, I can just release, you know, but then what's, what's, what's the next step? You know, how are you, how are you mentally? How are you emotionally? How are you spiritually strong? How are you physically showing up, you know, for your family or for your job or And. And what I'm seeing is missing is that key is, like, I'm gonna get good at one thing instead of being a little bit better in each category every single day and seeing where. Oh, it's almost like I'm trying to. Trying to put it into words. It's like showing up to one part of your job but not the rest and ignoring the rest. And then it's like, well, it's always there. It's. It's always participating. It's always real. So if you like, I'll give you an example from my life so I don't start, so I don't keep ranting and being incoherent here. If I just focused on the yard and neglected the family, that would be a problem. But then I could say, look. Look how responsible I'm being with my land, and then be proud of that and turn a blind eye to the fact that I am not being my best in other areas of my life. And so whenever there is disharmony, when people ask me, like, how do you. How do you gauge how you're doing with your work? I go, I just look outside of myself. And then if the family is more stable, that means I'm doing something better. And yes, that means they can have their own problems, but it's how they relate to them and how I relate to them and how they relate to me is my report card. And the same thing with the trees and the same thing with my animals, and the same thing with clients and work and everything. And that's my report card is how. How are people relating and how is my environment shaped up? I mean, I'm clearly doing somewhat of a good job because. Yes, you're willing to be my friend.
Yes. Well, and also, look at what you've created. Right. And what was the other term you used to manifest where emotions are in the body? What did you say there?
Express.
Express. Look at what your life's and soul's expression is. I mean, we're sitting in it.
Yeah.
Look at the land you have, and look at all these things you have. And I don't say that to be, like, boastful for you. What I'm saying is that, like, man, you've created a mirror of your dream here, and you're living in the mirror like you're. You're truly living in it. And I think most men, whether you're like. Or if you're a woman with us right now, and you're. You're with a man who's striving to Be the best man he can. I think we all have like these huge aspirations and dreams and things that we want. But, but wanting something and desiring it and actually like embodying the skills and virtues to achieve it is, is really what we're talking about. And it's really totally different than just the desire. So once you're clear on the dream, which is what you help me with, and, and honestly why part of why we're sitting here, then comes the real work to embody it. And that's when the universe and God brings in the unique challenges.
It really pains me to see when. People can't escape their problems and they take it out on their families instead of just asking, what is the pain? What do I need? And truly finding that out and then being able to participate in that. And if you have an unsupportive partner, if you're like, I need a day, a week to just, you know, how about I take Saturdays, you take Sundays, you watch the kids and I'll watch the kids Saturdays. And so. Because I need a day.
Yeah.
And to just do whatever I want. Obviously, respectfully, to our relationship or to my, you know, whatever the, whoever, you know, whoever you're with or if you're by yourself, it's even easier. Just go, man, this is my time is brutal. How can I be productive in my own self? What do I need? And not just like, I'm going to get hammered. Because if you look at it, if you take a look at your soul, it's probably not that productive. It'll probably just take the stress away. But in that time, you're not really understanding or finding what you really need to feel fulfilled and full and whole. So if you take that time to really get deep with what you need, whether you're alone or in your relationship, it creates peace inside of you that you've never felt before. And you start realizing that everything you have is enough and everything that you don't have is just waiting to show up into your life when you're, when you're willing to receive it. And I don't mean like that 100 million dollar lottery because most people, if that's almost like, that's almost like.
A.
Fish food on a hook. And if you have the responsibility, you know, most people that win the lottery don't know what to do with themselves.
Most people lose it. I think it's like 99 will just lose it all.
Yeah. Instant. Almost instantly.
Yeah.
And it's once again, it's like, are you willing to participate in what's important right here in front of you and realize that that is your growth opportunity. Not when you win the lottery or not when you have your car or not when you have your house. Because most people don't know. When Sarah and I coached with Paul, I wanted to move from that house. Like, I didn't, you know, this wasn't my house. I didn't pick this house. You picked this house. And we're living here. And then I was just, you know, salty about it and, and then we weren't doing very good because I was always thinking about a new house and I want, I want to pick something. And my poor masculine was like. My masculine boy was like, you know, I don't, I want to participate.
I don't like my room, man.
Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to spend all this time and money and work and, and blood, sweat and tears into making this house. And then, and then after realizing that, that didn't matter, and then I switched and I said, you know what, if we live in here for five, 10 more years, I want to make the best of it. And then everything changed. Literally everything changed. But it wasn't saying the words. It was coming to terms and being honest with that. It was a true. I'm okay to live here, and I'm going to make this my home whether I have to drag everyone through it, you know, and get, get new curtains or new car. I'm gonna make this livable for me and I'm gonna create a routine and I'm gonna create harmony here, and we're going to create harmony here. Let's just dive into this. And I'm going to stay home and I'm going to pay attention with the kids and I'm going to be present. And that's what's important from now on, not getting a house. And then two years later, we moved.
I just had a moment when you were talking, almost like I, I popped out of the Matrix and I came back in and I saw Neo's hand come up, you know, where at the very end where they shoot the bullets at him. And he just simply, calmly just says no. He just puts his hand out. And that's, that's what I think happens when we've gone through enough pain, is we just, we just simply say, no. I'm tired of lack. I'm tired of pain. I'm just. It's not what I want to experience anymore. And then that gets tested. And that's where I think real men are forged, right there.
