Josh TrentIdentity Transformation Architect and award winning Host of the Wellness + Wisdom Podcast—a decade-strong show with over 750 episodes and 15M downloads.

Should I stay or should I go? #joshtrent #podcast #liberate #lovewins #relationships

17 Apr 2024 · 1 min

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Excerpt from a YouTube podcast episode (“Should I stay or should I go?”) featuring Mark Groves (recorded Apr 17, 2024). The speaker reflects on mutual ambivalence in a romantic relationship—how both partners can feel unable to choose, how one’s wound of not feeling chosen perpetuates avoidance, and how difficulty with trust or capacity for closeness can manifest as emotional walls or islands. The passage centers on shifting from blaming the partner to exploring what’s 'right' (i.e., adaptive protective responses) about the speaker’s inability to commit.

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The real canary in the coal mine was Kylie felt called to not be in the relationship anymore. And on the other side, here I am living out my wound that I never felt chosen. And so I'm in a state of ambivalence. She's in a state of ambivalence. I get to blame her for the ambivalence I'm tolerating, which is my own ambivalence. Right. Because if she's ambivalent, I am, because there's not certainty. And so it shifted from what's wrong with Kylie, from the self identity and also, like, what's wrong with you? You need to figure out how to pick this or not to what's right with Kylie. And I think a lot of us, when we're like, I can't choose this relationship, what's wrong with me that I can't choose this relationship? And we're saying what's right with you that you can't? Because even if it's avoidance and trauma that's getting in the way of closeness, what's right with you that you can't be close to people because you still haven't developed the capacity for trust? You override your trust or you build a wall and an island and you have no connection. But we're like.