Solocast | Vision Quest Part 2: Touching Death | Wellness Force #Podcast

Foreign. Welcome back to part two of this very special solo cast. If you heard us on part one, we honored our ancestors. If you haven't heard part one, make sure you go back and listen to part one. It'll give you perfect context for for part two of this solo cast. This is where we talk about a concept of touching death. Touching death. When I was on the mountain, I had a direct message. And the direct message was about our thoughts. You know, psychoneuroimmunology is how thoughts become things. But yet thoughts are like waves in the ocean. Thoughts come and go. They are unlimited and sometimes like unfathomable in size and texture and in message. So then what exactly is the thought? You know, when I did this four day water fast up on the mountain for the 10 day Native American vision quest. The bridge between reality, the bridge between the underworld, the creepy crawlies, the bugs, the animals. And here the 3D reality becomes so very thin. So very thin. So I took in this message. What makes a thought true instead of a thought being static? And noise? And how do I make truth about a signal instead of the noise? How do I disconnect from the quantum, the collective field of thoughts and how those thoughts become things? Well, I believe that the only thing that makes a thought true is my soul's attention poured into it. And on top of that, the emotions that I experience after I attach to that thought. Now this is huge. The only thing that makes any of our thoughts true is the attention that I pour into the thought and then also the emotion that I experience after I attach to that thought. So that is for all of us, the understanding of what makes a thought true. And how do those thoughts completely control, subconsciously how I show up in the world with my heart open or with my heart closed so I can be thankful. And this is, this is the lesson that I want to share with you. I. We, all of us can be thankful, truly grateful for my feelings. Especially as men, we have been shamed into beliefs like suck it up, pussy, big boys don't cry. Which is honestly the abuse of the male psyche in this world. This connection to a belief that emotions should not be felt, emotions need to be pushed down. Emotions are not to be shown, especially by men. It is actually the bane of our existence. It's the very thing that the feminine, if you identify as a heterosexual partner or however you identify it is the very thing that the feminine wants from the masculine and that is to emote, to show emotions. So it's a beautiful gift, love and acceptance. Can I accept the Thought. Can I love the thought? Can I ask the thought? Maybe if it's painful, maybe if it's pleasurable, whatever it is, can I turn to my thoughts and can I ask my thought, what are you here to teach me? What are you here to teach me? And that is the most potent medicine that any of us can ever receive in any ceremony. For me, it just happened to be in nature. And nature always holds the keys. I'll never forget I was laying on my back and I was chasing the sun around the mountainside in northern Idaho. There's deep forest cover. The canopy is very thick. And I was laying on my back on the second night and into the third morning, and I had this awareness. If I'm experiencing an emotion that I do not want to feel, that my soul understands is not the path or not my life's choice, then that emotion, that feeling, that energy in motion which creates a feeling that is actually the power of choice, that is the bridge between me being thankful and loving the thought or me trying to kick the thought's ass and get out of my head. You know, you can connect with this. How many times have you thought a thought and realized that your resistance to the thought, your hatred towards the thought, your lack of love essentially towards the thought, is the very thing that perpetuates that thought from hanging around and keeps that thought around. So this is the gift. If my soul, Josh Trent's soul, decides which thoughts are real and which thoughts are not. And by real, I mean whatever thoughts apply to my soul's purpose and my heart, well, that's the way that I can share my love with the world. And there was this song, this beautiful song which brings out so much emotion in me. And it was peace like a river. And the song goes something like this that gave me so much solace. We have forgotten how to sing in this lifetime. We have been disconnected from our singing voice. And this song was my ultimate medicine. And the song goes, I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river. I've got peace like a river in my soul. And I went on and I kept saying things like, strength like a mountain, joy like a fountain, love from Great Spirit over and over and over again. And out of nowhere, I pictured my face of my father. I pictured the face of my father. And I don't ever really think I've fully healed from the wounding my father wound until I received this medicine from Mother Nature. Because in that moment, with tears streaming down my face, I got to honor the deep sacrifices My father has made for myself and my brother growing up, all the money he made to take care of us, and the energy that my father spent to provide for my brother and I. So, to my father, I forgive you. And please forgive me for all the ways that I have not honored you and not been grateful for what you did. Really, my projections, my anger for you came from the hurting, the relationship. I had been trying so hard with white knuckles to make you understand me, to make you love me in the way that I wanted you to love me the whole time, just not loving and accepting you for who you are in the exact way you are. And this was the greatest gift that I want to share with you. Forgiving my father so that I can be empowered with the father inside myself. Daniel Trent, I forgive you. I forgive all the ways that you did the very best you could. And maybe sometimes they weren't enough. And I send you love for your journey. And let this be enough for all of us. With the father wound, all the ways that our fathers have wounded us, maybe abandoned us, because they themselves felt wounded and abandoned. And this is the all wretch and no vomit that Alan Watts talks about. We pass on this lineage, this wounding in our lineage as men, by regurgitating the exact behaviors that hurt us. This is why hurt people hurt people. So consider this to be a flag of peace. I put down my weapons. I forgive. Forgive my own father. I forgive the father inside myself. We have peace, you and I. No longer do. I need my father to open his heart and listen. Because we are both fathers now. And of course, I want my father to be a part of my life and my son's life if he chooses. But the only path of true love is sharing the heart's wisdom without any expectation. So you are loved. And please forgive me for the way that I have acted towards you as a wounded child. And I love you. And this was profound. Because later that afternoon, as I watched all the bees and the trees and the bugs and how nature has this beautiful synergy, I just became so grateful for the peace in my heart. Because this broken lineage, this projection of wounding, this unawareness of self, it stops with me. It stops with the awareness that I have for what is true, the objective truth that we all do our best, including that time zone where my father came from, where many of our fathers came from, where sharing your emotions was an act of weakness. And really, what that does is it brings us closer to death. And on that night, on that third night in my dream, I felt the washing of My nervous system with peace now I can speak to the truth of this present moment. To truly honor the truth of the past, I have to forgive. Well, and I choose to forgive. And this is the lightness and the peace you hear in my voice. Thank you, Mother Nature. Thank you, Mother Nature, for your wisdom, this gift of awareness, and the peace and power you have given me. Washing my blood and my nervous system with the truth, oh, Great Spirit. So I have a wellness podcast. And hatred, resentment, bitterness is the poison that makes me feel unwell. And currently in my life, at this vision quest, I came to this radical called the Sack of awareness, where I am experiencing unwellness. I had to get sick from the system itself. I had to get sick from society itself so that I know what it truly feels like to be a human in our world. And I definitely became sick pushing the throttle down all the way to the floor. Looking back, if I could have trusted Great Spirit and been in dialogue with our Mother Earth, I wonder, I just wonder, could I have achieved a level of success without sacrificing my health? This is how I choose to move forward. I finally know now what the discovery of loving awareness truly is. It's not some social media meme or something. Ram Dass or Rumi once said. Loving awareness truly is observing all that is. The joy, the hate, the fear, the ecstasy, shame, guilt, sadness, all of it. All the colors and the palette of emotions and experiences that we as human beings witness. And I feel that I have unlocked one of these secret keys that I want to share with you. And this is to truly, capital T. To truly observe. To observe in truth, knowing that all emotions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs, they are rising to the surface to be loved. And I know it sounds reductionistic, but all. All there is is love. And the truth is God is love. Even the word evil, which is love, right? Evil is love because evil is live spelled backwards, which Paul Check and Dr. Vernon Wolf have shared. So even the evil in my life that I have experienced within myself and others is love, because evil backwards is to live. I experienced so much sadness that day, like in this washing and this letting go of forgiveness. Because when you rip a tree out of the ground, whether it's emotional, physical or spiritual, some of the roots are going to break. I had to go through all the porn scenes that I had watched, all the women that I had sex with that I didn't love. And sit down. Young Josh at 13, the one that was screaming at me to stop. And next to him, next to him was my. My son, Nova And I turned to him and I said, when you're angry, let yourself be angry. When you hold on to your anger or your resentment, it's like heating up water on the stove. When you boil water on the stove, it will bubble, but the bubbles have to rise and pop and come out. Now, you may not know young Josh and young Nova when these bubbles are coming out. You may be with friends or family or even playing. So it's very important that you allow yourself to feel your anger. And you know what? Your anger is always safe with me. Your anger is always welcome here. Because what happens with unchecked anger is that you will be angry with people. And you don't know why, because that anger is really subconsciously wanting to express itself. But if you don't allow yourself to feel it, and this is the key, this is the lesson. When we do not experience the permission to feel our anger, that anger comes out sideways towards others that we care about, that we really don't want to hurt. But we do because of unchecked anger, because it's so uncomfortable to feel. And on this third night, I see life through a new lens, with forgiveness for self, with the letting go of resentment, with the understanding that we are all victims of intellectualization, which is another solo cast that I actually recorded up on the mountain after the quest, feeling into this prayer for, really disempowerment. For many years, I had been curious and even neurotic at times if I had been, like, sexually abused as a child. And I asked Great Spirit, you know, with all this forgiveness and all the pain that I'd gone through with an open heart, you know, has it ever happened? Have I ever been sexually abused? And in the stillness, this was the gift, I was able to see that my question actually came from me trying to hide from the responsibility of my life choices. In other words, shame and blame as a reason for my pain and misfortune. I went through a full inventory of everything I'd done. And Great Spirit said to me, it is yours, no others. And I flash to my early porn memories, connecting the dots when pornography first entered my Life. VHS and DVDs and Internet, starting at about 13 years old. And I turned to my young self and my son in the forest as the sun was setting. And I said, you, sex energy is your fire. Never let anyone steal your fire. Only ever choose to give your fire to people that you love and that you want to share your life with. Because when it comes to sex energy, if you're using pornography, if you're using you're using your sex energy to divide and conquer, then you are disassociated from self. That is where addiction truly comes from. And this is for all of us, a lesson when it comes to sex energy. Here's how you know if you're using pornography too much or if it's become a tool of disassociation and addiction. If the real thing, if. If a man having sex with a woman, if it scares you and you find comfort in the fake in the screen, well, you know that you are now in a path of disassociation and potential addiction. So the wisdom of the heart is really what is all calling us. Forward. Life in the 3D world seems to be this consistent reminder for all of us to slow down in order to hear the wisdom of the heart. And sometimes the wisdom of the heart points to the mask that we wear. And the biggest mask that I wear, the biggest mask that I wear is having to have everything all together. Having to have the perfect thing to say at the right time and have all my shit together. And it's just all bullshit. It's not reality. We never have to be perfect. We never have to have the perfect thing to say. And that is a massive gift for all of us to look at the masks that we wear and really being ourselves, unlocking being ourselves in a current moment, can we just let that be enough? That is the path to be yourself in every current moment and not feel that you have to be perfect, have it all together. There is forgiveness there. There is peace there. And when there is peace, power can be trusted. That is the ultimate lesson when it comes to peace. Peace, because we are all searching for peace inside self. Yet people try to find peace by first getting power. But you cannot have power as the precursor to peace. It works the other way around. So where do these thoughts come from? All these thoughts that I've been sharing with you and all these thoughts that we experience? Well, if I had to make an intelligent observation, I believe that thoughts come from a culminated library of my own experiences. Things that I've seen, things that I've thought before. And also the collective field, the quantum, where there might just be thoughts emanating around vibrationally, electronically, literally. And then I also think in some experiences, when there's the piercing of the 3D world by the 4, and sometimes extraterrestrial 5. I do believe different beings come in and implant thoughts into people. So how do we make sense of this? How do we make sense of why thoughts are there? And how do we learn how to love the thought I want to share this, that was given to me by a mentor and a friend. Paul, check. When I received an entity after a terrible ayahuasca session that took me almost 18 months to clear, the beginning of my healing came with this prayer. So for any of us, if you ever have a thought that is intrusive, say this. By the power of God invested in me, if you are not here to teach me something, to teach me how to get closer to love, then I ask you to leave right, right now. And I send you love for the journey. You are not allowed in my inner sanctum. And if you try to force yourself in my inner sanctum, you will be stuck in purgatory forever. I do not fear you and I ask you to leave. And this is the key. I send you love for the journey. Now be gone. Feel the peace in that. Feel the peace in not fighting or being angry at your thought, turning to your thoughts, as Dr. Vernon Wolf says your holodyne, and giving it the permission to let go. These thoughts that come just like high, low pressure sodium potassium, chaos and order. Chaos is always seeking order. Fear is always seeking love. Thoughts that cause constriction, they are guideposts. They are guideposts to what is needed and what is being called for attention in our psyche. Two years ago, Paul said to me in his home, that came so viscerally when I was on the mountain. And it really wells up a knot in my throat right now with my son on the way. He said, once I learn how to parent the child inside of me, the universe will put one in my arms. And I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful because the ego is not the enemy. The ego is the amigo with inside of the ego there is deep wounding, calling to be healed for both my life and maybe the lives and sins of my father and grandfather that came before me. And so as I touch death, I can have acceptance and really joy for the pain. Now this sounds crazy, but just level with me for a moment. Pain without a teacher yields a lack of patience. But pain with a teacher yields resilience. And that is the kind of resilience that can be trusted because it has earned wisdom. And I flashed and I had this deep understanding of why the body carries extra weight, why my body has been carrying extra weight. And that is because of shame, guilt, anger and trauma. And this is big anger. Only anger can be washed away by the healing of nature and Great Spirit. A reconnection to nature, nature and the power of God. Where there Is no anger in this spaciousness. But unprocessed, undealt with anger is the biggest cause of fat storage in the body, in the entire universe. And this became radically clear to me. What am I really talking about here? What am I angry about? I was angry about life in this world that we live in, why we die having anger, that we die. But here's the reality. We are all going to die. And there is so much peace in that. There is peace in the understanding that life is finite. We are infinite beings, but the life we chose to live here is finite. And so if you have a 24, 7, 365 unprocessed trauma that lingers in the background of your subconscious mind, maybe you have a lifetime of guilt about a person you hurt, or what could have been, or what should have been. Or maybe you have trauma that's very deep. Maybe it's sexual or physical or emotional trauma, and you're working on it. This is also the time that the body can put on extra weight because trauma is coming up and it is fuel to be burned away. And so these are all pain teachers. Anger, shame, guilt and trauma. All of these things which I unpack very in depth on the victim of intellectualization. Solo cast. Pain without a teacher yields a lack of patience. But pain with a teacher yields resilience. And that is resilience that can be trusted. So when the pain arrives, turn to the pain, ask the pain, what are you here to teach me? What are you here to teach me? And then go right to it. Because in that situation, you can really understand and embody the resilience of that life is calling you to bring. And that is the lesson, that is the ultimate lesson of this vision quest to understand the anger, shame, guilt and trauma. They all feed the fire of not being loved, fear being broke, fear being hurt, fear being wrong, fear of fill in the blank. But what does fear want? Fear wants love. Fear always wants love. Look at the laws of science and laws of nature and gravity and high, low pressure and understand that shame and guilt and trauma and anger, they simply want love. And so as we close which, there'll be many more solo casts, maybe a few more, honestly, because the wisdom is still going to come. As we close, let's feel the anger about what maybe the collective is feeling the mask wearing the COVID Because below that anger, it's sadness. The sadness of how could you? Why did you? How could this be? Why God? Why? Below the anger and sadness. Sometimes sadness has to be woken up by anger. And so we do Hear our work on planet Earth in these physical bodies in these 3D realms and we do our loving best to share our true experiences for one another and have the courage to be honest with one another other. Yahoo. Great spirit, thank you for my reconnection to our great Mother and for welcoming me back home. Great spirit, please forge me and all of us like a tool so that we may do your bidding in this world and that we may have peace. I am welled with emotion after the quest and if this resonates with you, you can DM me on Instagram. You can reach out to me in many ways. There's a contact form on the website. I am in service to love, present in self evident truth and at home grounded in nature with space for myself, family, community and the world to take part in my trustworthy guidance. Let this be enough. Let this be enough today that we can all take solace in the words of Rumi, beyond right and wrong. There is a field and I will meet you there. If you enjoyed the solo cast, this is a recording one week when I returned home from the quest with my group of seven and our four guides, Alia, Hayden, Mark and Tim. Enjoy this as a reflection of truth that is current the first, second, third and fourth week on my return home. Please enjoy this recording with my group. Uhoh. Wow. Welcome back to the Matrix. That's been my integration. How has it been going? How's my integration process been going? I would say overall from many of the different, I guess you could describe them as ego stripping experiences, this one by far had the most realness when I came home and it's a testament to when I crossed the threshold as the I guess showed up in the monkey as Tim's dream. There was a part of my young boy inside of me that really needed this medicine. And as I've come home I've. I've been talking slower, I haven't been in a hurry to wow people. I've really seen, seen like the layers of my psychological onion be peeled when I came back home. And a big part of that was just really feeling safe and secure and loved and whole in my body. And I know that my physical health isn't perfect right now, but it feels damn good to come from a place where I'm being healthy. Not from scarcity, not from like oh my God, it's an emergency, blah blah blah, but just really loving myself and being healthy from that place. And it really rocked my world, you guys, because I didn't think about this, I didn't feel this until I got home. And I'm sure it'll unfold for a long time, but there was this point a couple days I was, we have a trail here and I was walking in nature and I had this little sit spot on a rock and it overlooks the stream and I was sitting there and I was like, it flows lashed me back to a moment I had when I was a personal trainer. When I went into personal training, I wanted to make my body look good so that I could like, be with the feminine and look cool and like all these things that I think a young, undeveloped 25 year old man does. And I was sitting on the rock and I was like, oh my God, this is what I've been wanting the whole time. To actually be well and be healthy and love myself from a place of calmness instead of using health and my outward appearance as a way to look cool and be accepted and receive love from other people. Like coming home to the fucking realness is really what it felt like. And it felt really good. And so I'm excited about that. And then wouldn't you know it, when I came home, you know, I had shared with y' all that, that I had quote, hypothyroid. Well, I'm doing a podcast and I'm meeting with this functionality medicine doctor and he's like, josh, you don't have hypothyroid. That was a misdiagnosis. That was actually somebody trying to sell you a bunch of. And I'm like, oh my God, this is exactly what Hayden said. Where I, where he was like, dude, in your share, you had to get sick. You had to go on this quest for wellness to, to feel the unwellness in your body. And you had to go into the matrix, into the system, into the belly of the beast, so that I would feel what it's like to be sick from the system itself and be masqueraded and have, and have things presented to me as truth when they're really not truth. Because the truth is that health comes from self love. Wellness comes from me loving myself. Like, period, end of story. There's no esoteric babble that needs to go along with that. It's just, it is what it is. Like, wellness comes from loving myself and from being a loving human being to other people. And to the degree that I'm angry or judging or projecting my bullshit onto other people, well, that creates unwellness and dis ease in myself. And I've heard this shit a thousand times. But something clicked from this quest where I was able to sit with myself and really feel what the hell that even means and what the reality of that even means, because it's so easy for me to get caught up. I have all these. These books and I have all these interviews, and I. I was feeling this on the quest. I became a victim of intellectualization, a victim of my own intellectual mind, where I had heard Hawkins in Power versus force and in letting Go talk about the space between the head and the heart. But something really clicked when I came home, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, this. This is everything. And so my work, my path, and my integration of the. This. This quest is to bring the quest home, to be in nature, to pray to our mother and to connect with her and to honor her. I've been picking up trash when I go on walks with my lady. And she was so stoked yesterday. She was like, I love you coming back from this quest. She's like, I love the mountain man. I love the mountain man. And so she. She was like, I'm really proud of you. And it's. It's been beautiful in our relationship, you know, it's been really. It's been really beautiful because she's. She's noticing the difference in me where before when I went out there, like, you know, I'm not gonna lie. Like, when I came back, there was the culture shock. I mean, holy. There was a massive culture shock because. Right. I came from, like, deep nature and just laying with bugs and being in the dirt and, like, feeling the joy of sunrise. And then I am wearing a mask in the airport, and I had this moment. You guys, like, it really, like, it's quite emotional. This woman was playing with her child and she had a mask on. And I just. I. In the airports, I take my mask off. You know, it's not a You. It's not an anger thing. It's just like, come, come tell me to wear it and I'll put it on. So that's how I roll. And I had my mask off. And I had my mask off the entire time. And I'm sitting there and I'm talking to this woman about her baby. And I told her, my son's coming. And she was like, oh, you know, it's so beautiful. She's like, I wish I could take my mask off and play with my child. And I just calmly took a breath, and I looked right at her and I said, you can take it off right now. You don't have to wear this. And it was almost like she double clutched Emotionally, she was like, is he right? Can I take it off or should? And. And I realized, oh, my God. Like this. This is what the world needs. And this is what I shared to everyone. And this is what the gift of reality that spirit gave me. And that is when it comes to creating change in the world and creating loving change, less anger, more truth. And it's exactly what I shared in our circle. Less anger, more truth. That was the message that Spirit gave me. When it comes to mask wearing and psychological control and Covid and manipulation, less anger, more truth. And the same thing mirrored in a conversation with my brother yesterday where he was going off and off and off about all the crazy stuff that's happening in the world. And I was like, well, what if we held them both at the same time? What if we held the dark and the light at the same time? And we said, okay, we're not going to bypass this. We're going to feel into it. But we're also going to present solutions based on love. Instead of focusing on, don't wear a mask. It's like, hey, here's how you can trust your immune system. Here's how you can build your immune system. Here's how you can be healthy in your own body and your own psyche. That's the direction I want to go. And I realized I became to go full circle. My integration, my. My culture shock is just the reality that I had become a victim of my own intellectualization where I would intellectualize everything to death. I just intellectualize everything to death. So I've been feeling it all. I've been feeling. I've been feeling the deep sadness, the feeling that. The pain. And when I looked into that mother's eyes in the airport, just how controlled she is. And she's just a mirror of the millions of people in our country that are being controlled. And it makes me. Honestly, you guys, it makes me want to go out with a spear like our ancestors did, and just start stabbing people. It makes me want to go to war. And that's not gonna. That's not gonna do anything. It's not gonna do anything. You know, if it comes down to that, in the future, I'm sure we'll all be on the front lines together. But. But it's not. I think we're in a different kind of war. I think we're in a war of consciousness where, you know, my grandfather went to World War II and he actually had to kill people. You know, he had. Can you guys fucking imagine what that would feel like? I mean, I just. Can you imagine what it would feel like to have to kill people to be free? How crazy that would be? So just feeling into that and, and we don't have to do that. Like we can choose something different. We can, we can fight for what we believe in from love, not from violence and not from anger. And just feeling into all that, you guys, you know, just feeling into the, the real nobility and the real power in being at peace is one of the things I wrote to Tim and Mark before we started is like, hey. He's like, I, you know, I'm going out here for my birthday. Like, may peace and power be the result. That was my quick mantra, my prayer. I just want, I want peace and I want power because. Because that can be trusted. And so that's the meaning I've been making. Mystery has been talking to me in dreams, profoundly so. And I guess there's. There's a part of my heart that's honestly missing. It sounds crazy. Missing the darkness and missing being out there and just knowing that every year I will be doing this from now on because talk about the ultimate spiritual check in. Talk about the ultimate fucking check in for who you are. I think as far as support, I could use support in sharing the podcast, you know, if these messages align. And one of the things is having shorter episodes, like 5, 10, 15 minute episodes that are easier for people to listen to that don't take an hour of people's time and still delivering potent medicine in that short time so I can request support on that. My experience of the vision quest has woven its way into my day to day life. It's been really strong in, in my connection to nature and just loving where I live. It could definitely be stronger in the fact where I had this vision of like taking my son out, you know, those baby carriers, I think they're called like Baby Bjorn or something. So taking my son out. And I had this vision of having a guide teach us how to live from the land, like, you know, which plants are safe and which plants are not. And here's how you do the fire like Jesse did and just really want. Wanting that here. So trying to find some when here in Austin where we can learn about how to live off the land, you know, how to survive, basically. So that's it. I'm feeling all the things, you guys. I'm feeling all the emotions that are in the dark bucket and I'm feeling all the emotions that are in the, the light bucket too. And just kind of like, whoa, it's been. It's been intense. I've been living to my commitments, and I haven't. I haven't felt the call to have the conversation of healing with my father yet. Because the father in me is like, it's not time. It's not time. So what's beautiful is that I did the healing with him up there on the hill. And so I don't. I don't need to run to go heal with my father, because I've already healed that. Like, there's a part of me that's already touched the compassion and the forgiveness that I have in him. So if that's meant to be in the future, it will be aho sa.