Tara Garrison: Inside Out Health | Wellness Force #Podcast

I. I just. I get this sense that right now in the world, there's so much confusion in general, especially with, like, coronavirus and dietary habits and, you know, habits in general. Whether it's like, Charles Duhigg, James Clear, all these people, we're just bombarded and for lack of a better term, accosted with information. And I know you. I trust you. You're a friend. You're somebody that navigates this water of. Of health and specifically Keto, which. That could be a whole podcast in itself. But I'm really just more fascinated with your story because we've hung out so many times in person, and I know little bits and pieces of your story and, like, where you came from, but people know you now as Coach Tara, and I'm curious, like, did you ever even think that you'd be a coach?

No. I mean, I was gonna be a teacher. I was gonna be a Spanish teacher. Right. So this is like, total life course change for me. But when I did, when dad finally made that, this has just been an intuitively guided journey for me all along. Yeah, right. Like, it was like I was told to do this, not just, I want to do this, right. Like, it was deep in my soul, like, you're gonna help women get strong. And I was like, okay. You know, and it was going through all the shit. It was kind of like once I said okay, you know, like, I saw. I did see this. Like, once it. Once it started, once it entered my heart, like, I knew where this was going. I've always known where this was going. So, yeah, I mean, once I accepted it, but it's been like, this crazy. I didn't understand what I was agreeing to. First of all, I'm just kidding. Because then I, like, went through all this, you know, to have to, like, cause me to grow. But. But yeah, in the beginning. Hell no. I. I had no idea.

Yeah, because the beginning for you was, like a much different place than you are now, where there was religious dogma involved. And it's. It's great. When I went on your show, I talked about my experience of understanding what we're doing here, what this is all about, you know, the higher power connection. So what was it like for you when you were young and you were literally just doing the best you could and you were being force fed beliefs that possibly didn't align with your soul.

Oh, man. You know what? Like, this is really interesting. So I, you know, like, I go to Katherine Dixon for the work, and I just did a session with her this past Wednesday And I said one of the things that I was working on was me not trying to please. Not trying to do what everybody wants me to do. Not trying to do what I think everyone at expects. Because I'm, like, running around with my, you know, feel like sometimes I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Like, do this for you. Do this for them. Do this for them. Do, you know, still trying. Still trying to work through those old habits for sure. And especially as a coach and a mom and all that. So I. While I was going through that process, she's like, do you have an opposition to feeling right? And I was like, absolutely, because. And I was like, because I was so right about Mormonism. And then I found out I was so wrong. I feel like being right, like, blinded me right from the truth, you know? And so she's like, hold on, hold on, hold on. She's like, let's. Let's hit that for a second. She's like, let's take two minutes to detour right there. And she's like, in your heart of hearts, did you really feel, fully feel and know that Mormonism was true? And when I really tapped into that for a second, I was like, man, I knew. I knew my connection with the divine was real. I was always very connected to God or divinity or guidance and all that. I was like, but I really think about it. Did I ever. Was I like, yes, I know Joseph Smith was a profit. Like, this resonates as deep truth in my soul. No. So, yeah, back then, I was agreeing. You know, I hadn't read the four agreements. I hadn't done any of this, any personal development work. I was just agreeing, agreeing to whatever was bombarded at me, just trying to fit into that mold and be what everyone wanted me to be.

So how long during that phase? Because, you know, Mental Health Month is coming up, and Wellness Force mission, our entire mission is mental health this year, 2020, so we can see more clearly. So we can see the truth.

Right?

And you're somebody that I do trust when it comes to the truth about nutrition, movement, lifestyle, mindset, beyond just all the buzzword marketing terms, like, I trust you in the way you live your life. I trust you in the way that you're a mom. I trust you in the way that you show up for social media, your clients, when I see you at events, and just right here on this podcast with that truth as a baseline, what was your truth about your depression and your sadness that you were going through at that phase when you were being force fed. And I asked this because you recently posted something on Social about getting certain tests for depression, certain mineral deficiencies. And I'm curious if you can answer this question in two parts. The first one being like, where were you back then? You know, where did you come from? What was that depression like? And then we can segue into the actual physiology of approaching depression.

Sure. Yeah. So I will say I've never identified with like having clinical depression or anything like that. And I have gotten flack for this from people in my life. They're like, you just don't understand. And I'm like, I don't know about that. I don't know if I don't understand because I understand what it's like to feel so sad that you want to drive into oncoming traffic. I feel, I know what it feels like to be so sad. To just lay in your bed and just want to cry and just like not be able to sleep because all you can think about is all your sadness and you just want to fetal position it and just run away from everything. You want to jump on a plane and fly to Fiji and just disappear off the face of the planet. So like, so like, while I've never identified with like, I have clinical depression, I know what a lot of those feelings feel like. And especially when I was, when I was, you know, back in my, I call it my old life, when I was married and Mormon and a stay at home mom and all that. I didn't know it wasn't normal to not feel sad and be caught up in your sad thoughts all the time and to not be able to sleep because you're sitting there guilting yourself and shaming yourself about all of these things. I didn't even have the awareness to know that wasn't normal. Like, I was just so caught in it. It was so real to me that that was just reality. It wasn't like, oh, maybe there's a better way to live that isn't this. It was just, this is it, you.

Know, where a lot of your friends that were in the church sad as well and they didn't know it.

Oh, good question. Yeah. Yeah, I really do think so, you know, really do think so. There's a lot of, I'm not saying the Mormon church is bad. I'm not saying that at all. There's so much goodness to it too. But it's, it's this expectation of like you need to be doing all these things that's coming from an outside source, outside of yourself and you're not meeting up. Not meeting up. And that kind of goes back to what you were talking about with all the like, all the well meaning nutrition advice, mindset advice, personal advice. It's like, you're not measuring up. You're not measuring up. And then we shame ourselves and you get caught in the cycle of like, not good enough. Not good enough. Not good enough. Right. So I was chronically and not good enough. You know, and so when I switched over to eating healthy, this is what propelled me into a health and fitness career, because I call it my accidental awakening. I was like. And it was a mess. It was a mess. It's like a caterpillar in a cocoon is like I had to completely dissolve into a pile of mush to be completely not what I was before and turn into this butterfly that I really, truly can accept and own that I feel like now. Right. And it's beautiful. And I'll own it at every single day. Because I've lived a different reality. I was. I was a ugly caterpillar. And what I mean by that was just my insides did not feel real happy all the time. You know, it was a lot of faking, a lot of trying to put on a show so other people would think that I was like, had all.

My look like the show. Because this ain't a show. I mean, we're on a show, but it's not a show. But in the past, we've all been through being a character in a show we thought we were showing up for.

Yeah. You know, like, for me, I lived in a very, like upper middle class neighborhood and I wanted, you know, we had like, spent so much money landscaping the yard and having the boat and having the cute decorations. And I had the entryway, like, hello, fall.

And all the pumpkin spice lattes for everyone.

Yes, pumpkin spice candles. And you know, like, everything was. I remember even in Mormonism, they wear garments underneath their clothes. They're like a sacred thing with the religion. And you're not really ever supposed to take those off. Right. And so when I.

When you shower.

Well, when you shower and. And other activities that require not having clothes on. But although some die hards, I hear will still leave them on. But anyway, I wouldn't exercise enough. And I always actually felt kind of guilty about that. But I was like, I just cannot run with these things on. They go all the way down to your knees, you know, So I would run and then sometimes I would come home and I would want to weed my garden or my flower beds because they needed to Be perfect, right? And then I thought, oh, my gosh, all my neighbors are Mormon, and they're going to see me out here in my tank top weeding my garden, and they're going to think they're going to judge me because I'm not wearing my garments. So I would go inside, even though it wasn't really. I felt like it made sense not to wear them because I didn't want to go get new ones dirty and then go shower and blah, blah. I'm already sweaty, I'm outside. But because I was so worried about what they would might think, I would go in, change into nice, clean garments and regular clothes, go back out my sweaty self, finish weeding, go back in, shower. So I lived this world of trying to put on, like, so everyone would think I was perfect. Everyone was like, oh, Tara's doing such a great job. But it was making me miserable inside because it was completely misaligned with what I actually wanted to do. So there's a. There's a meme one of my girlfriends sent me now, which, by the way, I have a completely new social network. I. I left my entire life behind. When I left Mormonism, I didn't know a single person who wasn't Mormon. My whole world was Mormon. So I lost that.

When you actually.

2016.

Okay, so this is like four years ago. You've been through radical change in less than five years.

Radical.

You're a completely new human. Like the caterpillar, the butterfly was less than five years ago.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's been one hell of a journey. It's been amazing. It's been intense, but it's been a journey.

This is why I love podcasting. I love your story so much, because I would have. When I met you. I was like, this woman has her together, right? And I know that that's not the case for any of us. We're always figuring out our shit. But. But when I. When I experienced you for the first time, there was just this depth of character, and there was this depth of just a trustworthiness. And I find that most people that have been through challenge or thresholds or growth or their own unique multiplication of the hero's journey, which happens multiple times, I just find that I can trust them more. And did you feel like there was a time where you couldn't trust yourself, you know, when you were in the church? Because now it's very clear that you operate from that ethos of trust. But was there ever a time, looking back, where you're like, wow, I don't actually know if I trusted myself like what that felt like.

Yeah. And man, that was, that's been so deep because like we didn't really hit on it. But my childhood was also extremely challenging. And so like my mom was mentally ill single mom. So the only parent I have to really go to is a mentally ill mom. And then I was being sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused by another family member. We were also extremely poor and so our house was always just a disaster. We had roaches, it was a mess. I hate messes. Like my kids know this about me. I'm a very clean person. I remember being like a 12 year old just scrubbing spots off the scarpic carpet because I was just like, oh, I heals in here. I'm a very, I'm an environment junkie for sure. It's important to me.

Yeah.

So I think because of that like difficult childhood and I was always a high achiever. I do think it's an innate quality in me. I like, I like to. I don't know, I just, I'm driven naturally. And so here I was this high achiever in school. I'm the honor society president, I'm the Spanish honor say president. I'm the captain of everything. I'm the kid that always gets chosen to go to leadership conferences. I'm starting my own clubs. I'm you know, just this very. The, the newspaper editor, the dance captain. Like I'm just very driven. But at home is this mess. And so I found that I developed this quality to look outside of me for. Like this is how normal people do it. Because what I can recognize that what I'm seeing here at home, this is not normal. This is not a lifestyle that I want for myself. So it started at a young age, this kind of rejection of myself and the way that I know how to do things is probably not the best way. So let me look out where everyone else is doing it and do it their way. And in some ways that did serve me in my life. It made me a very observant person. Where I was like that seems like a pattern for success. That seems like a pattern for success. So it made me very aware. But the flip side of that, the not so great side of that was a lot of self doubt. Right. And so this is something I continue, continue to work on even still and going into your question of like Mormonism because and this could be aligned with anybody who's been really, really deep in a religion. Like when you, your religion is the entire framework of how you see life, like, I would compare it maybe to, like, people who are really, really Muslim, you know, like, they're in it. Like, that is how I felt. Like my whole framework for life was through the lens of Mormonism. And the thing that I kind of had an aha moment about when I left was that everything was coming extrinsically from outside of me. So if I had a feeling that I should do something good, well, it wasn't me. It was the Holy Ghost telling me to do that. Right? And so it caused a lot of doubt in myself and my own feelings because I was like, oh, did I really hear that from the Holy Ghost? Or was that me? Or I don't know, maybe I'm just kidding myself. So I would. Now that I've left, I have that same exact feeling. Those inspirations that hit, like, dude, I should just check on Josh. Like, thinking about. He keeps coming up. I'm just gonna text him, are you doing okay? You know, and I just trust that more now, so. And it's because it's all coming from deep inside and not from this outside source.

Huge impact for me. Because what you're describing is this dissolving of the separation with the divine. So you're still connected to the divine. It's just that you're not taking yourself out of the equation.

Right?

Because if we are a representation of the divine, of God, of spirit, of higher intelligence, whatever you want to label it as, right? That's the most highest form of respect, self love, and self trust I could ever even imagine is saying, like, did you know you're made in the image of spirit? Did you know that you're actually here? And it's a gift that is so powerful. Like, I think Gary Vaynerchuk said, like, 1 in 4 trillion or 1 in 400 billion, that we'd even be here, right? That. That right there is a gift in itself, yet I can only imagine what it would be like. And I shared on your show that. That my mom had a mental health illness. I could only imagine that. What I just talked about was probably not top of mind with a mom with mental illness, because there was an element of survival for sure. Had to operate at all times. What was her illness like? What was she dealing with?

I. Well, she never would get diagnosed because she was in extreme denial that she had it. Her. Her dad obviously had mental. Mental illness. And actually it was. I don't know if I should share, but his life ended very tragically. And her mom. And so I think for her there was this huge rejection of. I do not have that. There is nothing, there is nothing wrong with me. So if you even hinted at it, she would lose it. Right. So we just kind of had to. Had to deal with it, you know. But I believe it's probably as close to what you would consider schizophrenia. A lot of delusions. You know, we were very, very poor. She would drive us around to big mansions with. In ground swimming pools and be like, this is going to be our house. God told me it's going to be our house. And we'd be like, yay. You know, I'm like, yay. And then we realize, oh, you know, and then a lot of like paranoia, accusation, accusations that I didn't understand how to deal with. Like, you're doing this. I know you're doing this, you know, And I'm like, I'm not thinking any of those things, you know, so just a lot, a lot of that. And then also I think it was very difficult for. She had five kids. I was the youngest single mom, five kids going back to school, working, mental illness, like just managing life itself was difficult for her. And so that was. It was just a lot of, A lot of emotion, a lot of losing, losing her crap all the time. I knew she deeply loved us. I mean, she was very clear about that, very good about that. Very. She had so many good sites too. Very intentional about teaching us, making sure we knew we were loved. But it was just chaos all the time, you know. And so that was, I think, having that foundation and then on top of it, being sexually abused, on top of it, like not having food, just. There was so much shame on. In addition to the Mormon, like, you should be doing better at this and you should be doing that and you should just. Shame was just like a part of me. I didn't even, you know, shame has kind of become a hot word the last five or six years. Thank you, Brene Brown. But at the time, I didn't even have the awareness to know what I was doing. I just knew I didn't want anybody to know how bad it was behind the scenes.

With the amount of power that you show up with now, I can't even imagine what it would be like to first acknowledge the wounding. Because we all get wounded in life. Let's be real, my friends. Like, we all get wounded. But how did you come to terms with first acknowledging the wounding and then the settling in and accepting that it occurred and then what did the work look like to let that shit go? Because that's a story for all of us.

Yeah. I'm so glad you asked. Okay. I'll be really, really real. And I know I can do this on your podcast, but what really helped me there was plant medicines and psychedelics. That was the first step for me of opening that up. I never told anyone that I was sexually abused my entire childhood. Not just like once or twice, like the whole. And I had decided that I had forgiven the person who was doing that, and so nobody needed to know about it. And I. It didn't need to be an issue. Cause I had forgiven them and all good didn't happen. Right. Didn't want to face that. And I mean, I was married for 13 years and I never told my ex husband this. That's a lot of. That's a lot of close time that we had four kids together. I mean, we were pretty dang close. And I never told him, you know, so that was gonna. It was gonna die with me. My first MDMA session, which I am a fan of mdma, therapeutically completely changed, came right out in the first session. And after that, then I was able to actually look at it. What MDMA did for me was provide a safe space in which I could process and actually go into it, because I think my brain was so. There was so much fear around even thinking about it that my brain would just shut it off. It was just like, nope, not going there. Too painful. Nope, not gonna face it. And so I got into this altered state in which I now have a rush of serotonin and these feel good chemicals where I can now safely process the trauma. And after that, then that led me onto a path of seeking, seeking, seeking healing. And so I, yes, on an initial level, just did a lot of personal development, books and podcasts and things like that. I think that's where a lot of us start, right? And then after that, our friend Drew Manning, who we know each other through when. When shit really started to hit the fan, he sent me to Catherine Dixon, who does the work of Byron Katie. She's a friend of Byron, and she's been doing that work for a long time and was just the next leveling that I needed to deeply process all those emotions. But I'll tell you what, like, before that, my relationship with my mom was horrible. Like, I was like, she is such a failure. Like, that's just how I saw her. I'm like, she is a mess. Her life is a mess. She's so difficult to deal with. I can't handle my mom for more than, like, three hours. Is like, my Max. Like. Like, I just had so much ugliness in my heart towards her. And after I started using plant medicines, complete 180, it was like I could see her through the eyes of God, if you'd like to put it that way. And I saw her as this beautiful, sweet child, this beautiful woman who was trying as hard as she could. And I saw that all the things that used to drive me crazy, like her going off about some paranoid thing or her thinking somebody was out to get her, her, like, getting angry about something, my heart would just break because I knew that that caused her so much suffering and she couldn't help it. So instead of judging her for it, I was like, how can I. How can I help her? Maybe we can get some ketones in her brain. So it's just total shift.

Let me just pause for a moment there, because so many people can relate to, I think just a family member in general. I think it happens in all of our networks, Tara. Like, there's one father, mother, brother, cousin, somebody that's suffering. Maybe. Maybe it's us listening. Maybe it's somebody listening right now. They're like, yeah, that's me. The amount of courage it takes. This is really the fulcrum of change is courage. And Malcolm Glal talks about courage and Ralph Waldo Emerson talks about courage. And I know you talk about it too, but. But to actually summon the courage to go to the ceremony, to look at your mom in a different way, to do these things, where does that courage come from in you?

I think for me, it's a deep desire to be completely aligned with the divinity, divinity that I am. It's so important to me. I mean, right before we got on this podcast, I was like, please help me be in tune. Help me speak truth. Help me be aligned with what message somebody needs to hear. You know, I mean, that's how I live my life, right? And so I look at that work as an opportunity to get more aligned with it. It actually doesn't. It doesn't feel like courage at all. Some people, I'm from the outside, may look at it that way, because I noticed when I went to do ayahuasca at in Rythmia, a lot of people, I was like, come on, what's taking so long? Let's do it. Like, I can't wait. Like, whatever it takes. If I puke, if I diarrhea, I don't care. Whatever it takes for me to be more aligned. Like, yes, that's what I want. I want deeper insights. So I did. I Think it's my deep thirst for knowledge and seeking truth that helps it not feel so scary.

Yeah, there's always this big space I find, especially in our world. You know, the self help, personal development, health, wellness, just being a good human in that space. There's the knowing and then there's the doing. There seems to be this big bridge between the two. Like, almost like the Grand Canyon for some people where it's like they know all the things. They have the PDFs they've, they've purchased, maybe a program of yours, but there's this recipe in the middle. Like, there's a certain ingredient list that people must take action on. And we have this concept of intelligence that is, I'm gathering, I'm applying, and then lastly, I'm embodying so I can.

Just trust myself and I can navigate for sure.

What does that look like for you, your clients, like, your world? How do you describe that middle between knowing and doing?

Oh, man. Yeah. Thank you for asking that. Such a great question. Because I always, I'm like, I keep it real. I'm like, if you haven't actually done it, you don't know. Like, I just, I just own it. If you haven't done it, you don't know.

That's right.

So stop talking about it. And I hold myself to that same degree of accountability, and it's. It has caused me to have to be very brave. I'm a ketogenic diet specialist. I did strict keto for about a year, and at the end of that year, I started bringing some carbohydrates back in. So what would be considered about low carb, you know, less than 100 grams of carbs a day, but definitely not keto. I started feeling amazing bringing some carbs back in. I started performing better. I leaned out. I went from 18% body fat to 12.8. All I changed was bringing carbohydrates back in. I was like, holy cow. And so I was like, yep, time to. Time to own that. Like, because I hold such a high degree of accountability, I'm not going to ask other people to do something that I'm not doing right. So. So I was like, I remember I was very, I was very involved in the keto community. I'm friends with all the, the influencers and the people paving the way in the keto movement. And it's kind of this, like, cult. It's kind of this tribe. And at that time, this was like in 2017, 2018, when keto was like, just like, everyone's Pushing the message like, yeah, yes, this will save your life. This is the way to live for all humans, you know, for some people. Right? And it. And it. I still teach it because it's such a powerful tool. But. But to say, and now I want you to stop doing it after a certain amount of time took tremendous courage for me. But I was facing the music on the clients I was looking at, especially women, and I saw a deep fear of carbohydrates developing people. So here I am, keto coach. I'm like, if I post, if I share that I eat carbs again. Like, I'm just out. I'm out. Like, I'm out of the club. Like, it's like, oh, she doesn't do keto anymore. Goodbye. You know? And so it took a lot of courage for me to post a picture of a sweet potato. I remember it was a purple sweet potato. And I was like, I'm doing it. I'm gonna tell them. I. I have started bringing some carbs back in, and I'm feeling really good. So maybe we don't need to do keto forever. And now that's what my whole entire brand is built upon, is do keto, not forever. And I teach people to go through a phase of keto to ultimately, hopefully bring carbohydrates back in for most people. Right? But it took tremendous courage for me to step out in that and to be a leader and say, this is what I think, because this is what I'm living and this has been my truth. And so maybe that can help somebody else. And that's been. That's been key. Is, like, I think so often, and I'm guilty of this. Like I said, I've been working on this a lot for myself lately. But it's like, so often we want to share what we think other people want to hear when they really just want to hear the freaking truth.

That's it. I mean, everybody. And the truth, like, resonates to where you don't have to use too many words. It's right there. It's, you know, that phase of intelligence where we get to the gather, the apply the embody. When someone's embodied in truth, they don't have to say much because we just feel it from them.

Right.

You know, like, we feel from you that you've been through some things where now we just trust you so much more because we can feel it. It's an embodiment that you've done. And it's. And it's crazy to me just to Even reflect with you to think about what embodiment actually is. It's the body holding within itself a lesson. You know, the physical body. And I think so many people that are in the self help world or the personal development world, they're so neck up, they're so heavy.

Right? Right.

They don't pay attention to the physical body as much as they could, which paradoxically would actually make their mind and their philosophical edge even sharper. You know, some of the people here in Encinitas, I won't name the company, but they have cognitive supplements. And then there's other companies that I've seen that are focused on health products. But if you look at the team, they're not physically healthy themselves because they're so spent on putting out the product and being neck up and heady and logical in what they do. How do you blend these two worlds? Because I see on your website, like you've worked with pro athletes and CEOs and executives. Is there a common thread to connect the head, the intellectual and the physical?

Oh, yeah. You know what's been so awesome is becoming an entrepreneur myself and then working with these people because I hold that high degree of integrity to myself. I'm like, if I can't pave the way, then I can't teach them to do this stuff. Like, if I can't realistically find a way to make this work in life, then what do I have to offer? So it holds me to a high degree of accountability too. So some of the things that I've had to really face the music on is like sleep. Right? Because I, I'm so driven. I would love to stay up till midnight every night and get at four and just like crush and have like four extra hours in my day. Right? But I'm, I've had to learn. I'm like, nope, that doesn't work. Okay, can't do that. So what really matters here? And so it, I live in a way that I'm constantly trying to show through my actions what I can teach other people on how to thrive. Right? So it's been really, it's been really good for me to live it that way because I'm like, I don't have time to just go live at the gym all day. I, I admit I love being athletic. I would, I would love to just be at the gym all the time and just play and socialize and throw slam balls and just goof. I would love that. But I don't have time for that and neither do they. And so it's forced me to optimize my day, right. And I have had to become a discipline Nazi on my time management because otherwise I can't get to where I want to go. So for me, like the biggest thing has been learning how to oh man, say no to the things that I kind of want to do in the name of self love, right? So it's like, oh, I would love to just jump on Amazon right now and shop for some new stuff for my kids bedrooms or something, but I can't do that. That right now. I don't, I don't have that. So it's just this chronic pushing of discipline, of self improvement, but in a very self loving way.

Oh man. So many people hear the word discipline and it's almost like they cringe.

I know. You know, like I know.

Oh my God, I have to use my calendar. I have to do this. You and I, when we even book calls just to talk as friends, will use a calendar invite. Because our world is so full. We're up to so much everyone listening or being here with us in this conversation. Y' all know it's the busiest life you've ever had. It's not like the volume is going to turn down on your activities. So as a mom, as a business owner, as somebody that cares about their health, as somebody that hosts a podcast of your own, like you have some pretty big towers that are being watched over at all times. How do you guard, safeguard your time and how do you practice saying no from that place of self love?

Yeah, great question. Yeah, this is some something that I really feel that I have achieved and it's, it's been through a lot of experimentation. But what has helped me is having an established morning routine. I know that sounds like blah, blah, blah, like no, we read you gratitude journal, but I'm telling you it's for me it's been super crazy powerful. It's the only way I've been able to do it. Because if I don't schedule in gratitude, if I don't schedule in meditation, it does not happen. I'm not going to be like done with this podcast. I have three more podcasts after this. I and then my kids are home. Like I'm going to be like, hold on everybody, Mom's going to go meditate. It's just probably not going to happen. So I have to create sacred space for me and nobody's bugging me at 4:30 in the morning. So I, even though naturally I love to stay up late, I would love to stay up till like midnight sleep until 8 and like, never have any sort of structure. Like, I would love. That's naturally how I am. But I have learned to shift that through discipline, which, by the way, Will Smith has a motivational talk on YouTube called Self Discipline is self Love. And it is so good. It is so good.

All right, we're linking it in this episode. It's in the show notes right now.

I share it with all my clients. So good. But so. So that I have learned to crave that morning. And sometimes every once in a blue moon, I will miss it. If I'm sick and I'm like, girl, you just sleep has to come over the priority. If my body is sick, that has to come over it. But I miss it. I wake up at, you know, 7:38 and I'm like, oh, I miss my special sacred time, you know. And so the reason. The reason that has been so beneficial in me being able to handle all these towers is one meditation. Because I'm able to separate myself from the stress and sit back and look at it and like, what? It's like I'm an eagle on top of a mountain and I'm soaring around and I'm looking down at my life like, oh, if she just shifted that over there, or if she just let that go, or if she just, you know, just found that a little easier way on that, or if she just took 10 minutes a day to. To organize her time at the beginning of the day or whatever it is. It's like I can see it instead of just being stuck in it. Like, I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out, you know, so that's what meditation has brought me. And then having a consistent gratitude practice has brought me from a moment where I'm trying to scale a business. I've got 50 texts I've got to get through. I've got all these demands. I have a to do list as mountain long. And I'm trying to fold laundry for four kids. And I'm a single mom and I'm like, freak, man. You know, I can feel myself like nobody understands what this is like. And I go straight into victim mode. And I'm like, nope, I get to do this. I'm created all this. I created these children. I created this home. I bought all these clothes. I chose to build a fitness business. I get to build a fitness business. I get to have all these opportunities. Instant change, right? And so that's what a gratitude practice has brought to me, is to be able to catch myself in my own shit and switch it around into something positive so that, that the honestly mindset training just through meditation and a consistent gratitude practice have probably been my two biggest hitters on being able to like juggle all the balls.

I remember last year we were talking and told me you went to I believe it was a business or maybe a mindset mastermind. Last year you went to something really big and I was excited to talk to you about it. And we never actually talked about it. So I'd love to learn what you learned there because this was a very VIP high level, I think it was towards the end of last year and you were, I remember how excited you were. You were like, I got invited to this special event and I'm going to go learn how I can run my business and just be a great human and lead other people to the well. Like what, what did that look like? Can you share with us a few things, a few things that you learned from, from that event?

Sure, yeah. So I think, I believe you're speaking about Scott Duffy's breakthrough mastermind. Scott Duffy works with entrepreneur. He interviews a lot of the, you know, the Gary Vee, he worked for Tony Robbins for like a decade. He's very involved in the LA media circuits and yeah, he's got a lot of, a lot of connections. He's a great guy. And at that event what was so interesting is like I definitely felt like the, like I health coached a couple of the guys that were in the mastermind so that's why I got invited. But most people needed to be making like millions or higher to be invited to this mastermind. In my business it's not at that level yet. And so I was very blessed to be, to just be in that room and to just feel and understand. I'll tell you, you know, one of the biggest things that I took away from my first mastermind with him, which I've been to three now, but we went to, we were in Wyoming and we were at a ranch and they had horses and they had the cowboys there teaching us principles of how to train a horse. And I'm sitting there getting all these epiphanies and I'm back, you know, we're in this big corral, it's dirt and we're all standing watching this man tame this horse and it's so incredibly powerful. And I'm writing all these insights in my phone and he's like, I need somebody to come up. And I'm kind of not paying attention because I'm like trying to write all my insights in my phone notes. And he's like, yeah, you right there. And I'm like, oh, crap, me. Ah. Like, I was already kind of feeling like the underdog in this situation. I'm like, no, choose that dude who's like a billionaire and, like, make him do. I don't know, like, I'm new here. I. So I go up and he starts teaching me how to. How to get. Build trust. The first step is to build trust with. With the horse. And I'm sharing this because it was probably one of the most impactful moments of my life. And I had all these men, all these powerful men, as a lot of men in that group, in tears at the end of this thing. And so was I. We cried together because it was such a human moment. So I go and I. And the first step is to build trust with the horse. And so I start to pet the horse, and he gives us tells of what a horse will do. If it trusts you, it will put its head down, it will start to wiggle its ears, it will nudge its head towards you. And so instantly she starts doing all these things. She's like. He's like, wow, she really likes you. And everyone's like, kind of making noises like, oh, my gosh. Because she's just loving on me, right? And then I start having her do things, and I'm, like, guiding her, and she's doing everything I want to do, and everyone's like, holy cow, this is so awesome. And. And then she stops. Then all of a sudden, she doesn't want to do anything I'm saying. And so what do I do? I go over and I rub her nose and I rub her back. I'm like, it's okay. You know, I'm just kind of trying to get it. Build that trust again. And then I'm trying to get her to do what I want her to do. And she is, nope, not doing it. And I'm like, what the heck? And so he comes, the cowboy quietly comes over and he's like, I don't want you to pet her when she doesn't do what you don't want her to. To do. And I was like, okay. And he's like, I need you to be real firm with her. And I was like, okay. He's like, you're not going to hurt her feelings. I was like, okay. So she doesn't do it. And he's like, I want you to look away from her when she. When she doesn't do what you want. So I look away. And then the next time I'm super firm and I'm guiding her with my eyes, mind you, I'm not touching her at all. I'm pointing with my eyes at her where to go. And when I got stern with her like that, she went, and what the cowboy said, he stopped everything. And he got goes. Tara's been through a lot of in her life. And I was like, really? Because I, you know, I. There was way more than we've even talk covered in this podcast. I. I basically lost everything in the last relationship I was in. I said yes to way too many things. I went bankrupt because of it. I had to completely start over from scratch. So, I mean, I've been through a journey and. And he's like, people take advantage of you, don't they, Tara? And I was like, yeah, they have. And he's like. And I'm like starting to tear up because it was just so crazy. And he's like, you know how I know that? He's like, you're real good at building trust. You're really good at getting people to love you, but when they stop respecting you, you still give them love. And that was powerful for me as a coach and a mom and in my relationships to understand that when someone stops respecting you, that you don't continue to just give and give and give, that you create healthy boundaries for yourself. So I'd say, like, of everything I learned and that, that was one of the most impacting moments of my life because it was the. This, like, tangible, carnal, physical experience of what that actually looks and feels like. And on top of it, what I learned from being around all these guys who are changing the world, you know, I mean, these guys are a lot of the stuff that you're seeing online that's viral and all this stuff, these are the guys in here making all that kind of stuff happen. And people changing laws and in the government and on a global perspective. And what I learned and being around these guys, guys was that they are where they're at because they have giant hearts now. They are business badasses and they crush it. And they're smart and they're cutting edge and they're driven and they're disciplined. But if you don't have a giant heart, if you don't care about people, you will see your way out of that mastermind. And that's. That was very, very eye opening for me to see that. When you really want to run business on a high level, like, I mean, sure, you could do it. And you could be an asshole. And you can, you know, be miserable on your own, but if you want to really thrive, like, having a heart will take you way higher, I think, than anywhere else any other way.

That's such an amazing story. And by the way, what an emotionally intelligent cowboy.

Oh, right, like, pulled me aside and had this moment with me. I'm crying. He was amazing.

There is something to be said about that because I feel like many of the women that are in the Wellness Force community, they're always asking the question in one way or another, like, what makes a good man? And I don't know if you've seen the Matthew Hussey video where he's like, well, every woman just wants a good man with an edge. And I was talking with friends, maybe you and I have even talked about it. I just, I just get this sense, like most women want a man who's an emotionally intelligent cowboy. They want a man who knows how to like ride a horse, do masculine things, but also hold space like an oak tree. And the way that you describe that, it's like, I'm happy to hear that that's where business at a high level is to going, going. Because I think so many people have a wound around business. They have a wound around financial health, being healthy financially. And I would be. I think it's safe to say that that wound probably extends to money. It probably extends to relationship. It probably extends to their relationship with their body and their relationship with food. This, this wounding element. Do you feel like when people fix the physical wound that it can up level and really change their relationships in the other wounding? Do you feel like things need to start physical or can they start some somewhere else?

You know what I think? I think a lot of people, I think our wounds are very beautiful and sometimes intentional to help put us on the path that we need to get on. And I, I think that like, you know, I look at myself and I've had all these hard times and I look at friends who, you know, their parents were millionaires and super wealthy and like how it didn't really propel them into anything. They're kind of coasting or existing and they just don't really care, you know, And I'm grateful that I'm not like that. You know, I'm grate that I've been through these things that have propelled me on this path because it's now very fulfilling. So I think while we can start on a really unhealthy motivation, like for me getting super fit, like changing my entire physique was a very unhealthy motivation to begin with. I was just trying to be enough for my husband. We had marriage problems. I was like, if I just look hotter, this will fix everything. And so it started as a horrible motivation, you know, not enough, not skinny enough, not fit enough, not, you know, and. But over the course of the year, years, when I went through healing, if you're willing and open to continue doing your healing work, it can be a very beautiful thing. So what started as super unhealthy shifted into something beautiful. And going through Ayahuasca, you know, that really was before that, before that experience. Even in my coaching business, I had a real. I had a real moment with myself, and I was actually reading Bedros Kulian's book Man up, and he just was asking questions at the end of the chapter, and it was just the perfect timing, you know, Sometimes it can come. I was. I wasn't expecting to have a. Like, I love Bedros, but I wasn't expecting to have some major spiritual breakthrough from a book called man up, you know? And just at the end of his chapter, he was just like, what drives you? What really motivates you? And I got real honest with myself, and I was like, I want to do this. I want to be this amazing coach. I want to have this awesome business. I want to. Blah, blah, blah. It's all about me. And then I went to Ayahuasca, and my whole heart got shifted into, no, no, no, no. I want to build this beautiful, beautiful service that helps others. I want to build a life for myself so that I can have more time with my kids. Like, it all shifted away from me, and it took off so much pressure, and it became so much. Actually, my. My level of commitment went way higher than it ever was before when it was just about me. Now I have purpose, you know, Now I want to help take care of my mom. Now I. You know, all these things, it was like, that's what drives me. So I think that it's okay to have your. Your ugly little motivation in the beginning. Maybe that was perfectly as it should have been, as long as you're open to healing that path.

I feel like so many of us can relate to a fuel source coming from pain and then a fuel source coming from love and joy. The transition of the fuel source almost like, you know, glucose to ketones, right? Or however you want to describe it. Like, what fuels us for a while can then not fuel us anymore, you know? And I think about even Steve Jobs, where there's a lot of controversy about how he treated people. And sometimes things can get done from a place of anger, from a place of frustration, from a place of sadness. Like, gets done. Anger is more powerful than despair, to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Right.

And Terminator. But it's not sustainable. Like, sustainable fuel source is what you're talking about. And. And I have to make this connection with you. Like, you mentioned your mom, then you mentioned your marriage, Then you mentioned your health. It seems like in the beginning for you, maybe the first 20 years, 30 years or so, it was like your fuel source was from, like, white knuckle pain. Like, I'm gonna show everybody, everyone, y'.

All.

I'm gonna show everyone. My mom, my health, my marriage, everything. I'm gonna be the best I can. But at some point, it transitioned into, like, taking a deep breath and. And switching over your fuel source. Like, do you remember where you were when that happened, or was it more cumulative?

I think it was more cumulative. But I will say, like, especially if we want to take my fitness, for example, this has been such a cool thing to live through myself, as when I first was getting fit, I mean, I got down to 11 body fat, and I wasn't competing eating, so you can see how far I was driving this thing. Right. And I still felt like I had weight to lose, so I was not in a great place. I. I will say I don't look as lean as I think other people do with that body fat percentage. So I had no idea. But once I started going through healing and doing plant medicines and doing work and doing personal development work, something happened to me for a minute. And I think this is really important to point out that I. I noticed that I was scared that if I let that unhealthy motivation go. Go. That I would lose everything I had gained. Yeah, Right. That I would lose my drive. That all of a sudden I go back to being overweight and sad and crying myself to sleep at night. So it was like, I have to keep this pressure on myself. I have to, or I'll lose all of this. And that's such. That's the lie. That is the lie. Because what happens? Like, let's say you go and you run a marathon and you complete it, does that make you not ever want to do a marathon again? No. When you have that celebration, like, good for me. Look what I'm doing. This is awesome. That tastes good. I want more of. Yeah, actually giving yourself credit and being like, look at me. Look how good I'm doing. Look how good I look. Look how good I feel Good for you, girlfriend. Like, when my self talk started to switch into that, it drove me even more so. Now when I go to the gym, it used to be like, you know, like an Instagram post from the bodybuilders, and it's like, yeah, yeah, I gotta put in work. No excuses. Like, I work harder than everybody. Yeah. And I did feel like that I be like, way over fatigued, like, didn't eat enough. I'm like, okay, I can push through this now. I get in there and if I. I'm just like, let's see what I can do, baby. You know? And I call it like, I have running Tourette's on the treadmill. People are always like, looking at me from the side because it just comes out like, I'm just like, let's go, let's go. Come on, let's do it. You go, girl. I'm like talking to myself like that because my self talk has changed so much and it lights me up so much more than any prep pressure that I was putting on myself. Now it's like I'm celebrating along the way. And for me, it's been way more effective at getting results than any pressure I was putting on myself before.

Oh, man. Let's just breathe into that for a moment. Because the fuel source is so important. I can relate in my own life that. That we talked about on your show Inside Out Health, which is awesome, by the way, the name of it. I mean, really, your journey is like a reflection of the title of your podcast. Podcast. And. And I think about my fuel source of 2016, 2017, like, literally just being like, I want to quit. I hate my life. Like, nothing's working. Relationships suck, I'm broke, my body's messed up. It took me getting kind of sliced down to my knees in order for me to change the fuel source.

Yep.

But, God, it doesn't have to be that way. It's like, I don't feel for all of us that it has to go that route. Somebody can listen to you right now, now, and they can garner just like, one gem of wisdom where there's an intelligence out there that can guide them if they're willing to listen.

Yeah.

They don't have to be broke down to their knees. Can you expand on that?

Absolutely. I've learned so much to listen to my intuition from this whole process. And what I have found with intuition is it will nudge you, and you can either listen and your whole life will get better, or you can just not. And it will just Continue as is. And I have learned that the faster I listen to my intuition, the better my life gets faster. So sometimes, let's take this for example. I was dating a guy and I knew. I just, I knew deep in my heart. I was like, this is not aligned. But I was like, oh, but. And then I get in this voice. This is the voice that I've learned from doing the work of Byron, Katie, with my coach, that this is the voice you don't want to hear when you're saying yes to something. Yeah, but. But he's really. He's a really good guy and he likes my kids. So that voice that's you being out of alignment, this voice right now that I'm using, this is my regular voice. So when I can say it clearly in this voice now I know that I'm aligned. Right. And so like I had. That was a scary. That was a scary choice for me because I was a little bit in scarcity. I was like, oh, but this is so good because of the. And my intuition was like, you know, this isn't aligned. You know, you need to do it. And when I did it, it was scary. Cause I didn't have a good reason. I didn't have a good excuse. And I think that's the thing is like, we want like something from the outside world says, oh, that's a good reason to listen to your intuition. Now you do it. Now you have permission. Why don't we just have permission to listen to our intuition and just honor that? Why don't we have permission to say this isn't aligned for me? I'm so sorry. You're a wonderful, wonderful person. This is a wonderful job. It's just not aligned for me. That's okay, you know, And I learned that. And when I did that, I created space. I opened up space for something better to come in. Something more. Something more aligned with me. Doesn't mean he's a better person than him. Doesn't mean it's a better job per se. It's just more aligned with. With me. So I think like that. That ability to just have the courage. We want to talk. Courage for me, I think just listening to your gut, I mean, for you, when you totally change your business, that's what you did. And that totally took courage because you were saying, no, I'm not going to do all these things that it seems like I'm supposed to do and that everybody seems like they want for me. I'm going to listen from the inside. And it takes courage.

I know That I don't know if you've seen it, but I know most people have seen it. Have you seen the Matrix? The movie?

Oh, my whole life is parallel to that. I was Mormon hell yeah, I unplugged from that shit.

There's a scene, everybody knows this scene. Neo is in the hallway and he comes back from the dead and bullets are flying at him and he just simply calmly puts his hand out and the bullets fall. And I think sometimes we have to get to that point where our choice to change doesn't come from a place of anger or frustration or deep sadness. It just comes from this reclaiming the kingdom of self love. Like this is who I am, this is who I am, this is what I'm worth now. And I don't need to express it in a forceful way. It's actually twice as powerful when self love is expressed from a place of calm confidence. So this intelligence that you speak about, the inner knowing, the intuition, you know, working with Kathy, Catherine, there's also the other side of it too that we talked about with Mark Gross and that was intuition is like this whisper, it's this soft voice where it's like, it's like a grandma or grandpa, like guiding you. Fear is like a full body shock therapy or you know, feeling nauseous. So true rational and irrational fear. We go up on a stage and there might be like nervousness because we're still working on self love. I'll speak for myself. Right, well how do you feel about that? You know, on one side of the decision making coin we have intuition. On the other side there's fear. How do you decipher between the two personally?

Oh, I love this. I think it takes a lot of practice. I think this is a practice thing because for me one of my biggest hang ups is speaking my truth when I perceive that I am going to hurt someone else's feelings. Right. And I know through all my personal development work that it's like I can't actually determine their feelings. That's their realm of power, that's their decision on how, you know, what I say, how that affects, affects them. But you know, like especially, we'll see, use dating for example. Like that's been a really hard one for me because I'm like, oh, I don't want to hurt their feelings and be like, I'm sorry, I just not feeling it, you know, like, oh, that's so hard for me. Right. And so I have noticed that when I think I'm gonna disappoint someone, that's My that's my fear is disappointing people. And so when I think I'm going to disappoint them, I will overreact, I will overspeak, I will over explain. I will be maybe too intense because I'm afraid, right? It's like that fight or flight response. I'm like fighting almost because I'm like, it's just so intense. And so I. But I've learned that since I've been practicing this and it goes with my kids too, right? Like if they're like mom, please can we have like a movie night with cookies and blah blah. And in my head I'm like, you guys have had way too many treats lately. Like we don't need to have cookies, we have a movie night. We just don't really need to have cookies. If when I'm in that fear of I'm going to disappoint them and now they're going to think I'm a bad mom because I don't do cookies and blah. But when I'm in, when I'm in self confidence, I, I just simply answer. I'm like we can do the movie night, just not cookies. That's it. No explanation necessary. If they say why? I'm like, because we've had too many treats in the story and they ask again, I'm like I already told you so. Like that has taken so much practice. I'm still working on it too, but it's being very clear. Like that hand up like that is when you have. I think it takes practice if you're not used to it to get to a place where you can now calmly just speak your truth instead of having fear take over. But it's I just, just like the cocoon, just like the caterpillar. It takes practice. You're not to going to be a pro right off the right out of the gate.

The truth is simple. It's the courage to speak it and be it that sometimes can be challenging. But the truth in itself is just like so healing. It's just so simple. It's like oh. It's like well, in a few words I can just describe exactly what's going on. And then there's like a washing of the soul. Seriously, there's a washing of the soul.

You want the ultimate stress reliever truth.

I heard this phrase in a men's group three years ago and I was just struggling. I was actually still in corporate America and I had this like pressure in my belly. It was almost like there was an air bubble stuck in my Belly.

Wow.

And. And one of the guys, his name is Mike Husky. He's like, pull up your shirt and show us your belly. And he's like, just breathe into your belly. And it was so vulnerable for me to, like, you know, because I had this old story of, like, being a fat kid, right? And he later shared with me. He's like, if you just keep telling the truth until it stops hurting. Yeah, that's the path. Just tell the truth and tell hurting.

Beautiful.

And that, for me, has been a guidepost, you know, And I get that same sense from you and.

Absolutely.

And I just feel like so many people are connected to you now because you've shared with us so much like there is. You got to listen to this podcast three times. I mean, just to rewind it and take the notes. But if there was a way that you could describe it, you know, how would you describe wellness? How would you describe the physical, the emotional, the spiritual, and where you sit in the middle with all your life experiences, you know, and being a mom on top of that. What is wellness to you?

You know what? It's being. It's being aligned with truth. I think we ended on such a perfect note because I. I had this moment. I actually was just leaving Scott Duffy's last mastermind, and I'm getting all sorts of connections, right? And I'm just like, holy cow. Like, this is really happening. All these things that I've been, you know, working towards and dreaming. It's a surreal moment when you're like, it's happening. I'm here, right? Like, all this stuff I've been working towards, it's. It's actually happening. And when that moment happens, happens. I feel like you get to a place or I got to a place where I was like, okay, now I need to choose wisely. Right before it's like, can I do it? Can I. Can I have a voice? Can I, you know, do all create this huge business? And it's like, okay, now I know I can. That's out of the way.

Yeah.

So let's choose wisely. And so I tapped into my intuition, and I was like, I just asked, what. What do you want me to share? What do you want me to share? And the answer was, whatever feels true to. To you. And then I was like, okay. And I was like, what shouldn't I share? And I'm. I'm expecting to get like, you need to let go of this thing or that random mechanical thing you're talking about. That's what I was expecting to get and the answer was, whatever doesn't feel true. And I started laughing. And I think that's where we need to get in this abundance of information overload when it comes to wellness. I tell my clients all the time, I'm like, some of them, I'm like, I think you just hired me for me to give you permission to listen to yourself, yourself. So wellness to me is just honoring what's intuitively coming to you. You know, what's truth and you know what's bs, right? Like, if you're like, yeah, but I have to do this thing because I follow so and so on Instagram and they said, I have to do this thing and it doesn't feel right, I think I should eat carbs or whatever like that. That's will take you out of a place of wellness. So honor your truth, what feels right to you on a spiritual, mental, physical, nutritional, all of those levels. And I, I promise you, your intuition will take you on the path that you to need to go.

Man, thank you for distilling, like, all these overlapping layers of the process of trusting ourselves, becoming ourselves, loving ourselves. It's really just a joy to know you as a human, as a friend, Josh, as a colleague. Like the conversations we had, even coming up to this podcast, like, it really gave this podcast more richness. You know, that's what really people are hungry for now is. And that's why podcasting, I think is going to continue to increase is because. Can we just get down to the truth, y'?

All? Yeah, can we just. Realness.

Can we just get down to what's really going on? You know, we're all, we're all just so disgusted with advertisements and marketing and media and blah, blah, blah. So we're putting a new face on this. And that is what's true. So thank you for doing that. Thank you for coming on the show. People can learn more about you. Coach Tara Garrison with two R's by the way dot com also inside Out Health libc. That's the podcast which I was on, which is amazing. I think you're a natural host. I wouldn't be surprised if your podcast is in the top 200. So I just have this sense, I just have this sense for you that, yes, you approach people that are dealing with their health, that are starting the path of fitness, which is really the gateway to wellness. So I just want to honor you. I just want to honor, like, what you've done to get to this point, your self work. And where can people engage with, with you? Where can people start to understand this concept of inside Out Health.

Thank you so much. And you guys got to listen to Josh's episode on Inside Out Health because he got super vulnerable and it, I, I, well, I can say on your podcast, hopefully my other guests don't hear me, but it was my favorite episode by far. I was like, that was so good, so good. But, yeah, they can find me on Facebook and Instagram. Just Coach Tara Garrison. And I'm on there, especially Instagram. I'm very, very, very active on there. So it's an easy way to get a hold of me. And the website link is in my bio there.

And also, if people are confused about the ketogenic diet. Yeah, Tara really cuts through the clarity and obviously, you know, truth is her guidepost. So what is the, the program? If people have heard about keto and they're just like, God, there's so much out there, I don't even want to look at it. But they can actually trust you on it. So what? Where do they go for that?

Yeah. So I'm starting a movement called Kelio. So I'm blending together the keto and Paleo worlds, because that's what I'm about. That's my, that's true to me is like, why would we have a system that runs off GL if you're never supposed to ever eat glucose? Come on now, let's be real. So we use keto as a tool, and then we bring it slowly shift towards Paleo diet for most people. So that's all. All that info is on my website on coachchairgarrison.com and then I also run a coaching group for exclusively women now who want to go through the same process as me. It's called Higher Women who Rise. It's already active running, and it's, it's the mindset and personal development piece on top of the training and nutrition. So.

Okay, well, what I'm up to, it's all in the show notes. Tara, thanks for coming on. And until we see you guys again, really, really soon, Tara and I both are wishing you love and wellness.