The Great Unlearn: How To Find Your 2024 Purpose + Redefine Success

You may have an idea of where you want to be. Make it an aim, make it really wide versus a goal. A goal feels like it's a flag on the ground. I'm going to go out there and I'm going to get. That's where I want to be. You have no fucking idea. What feel makes you feel really good right now here. Can you be here now in what is really good? Okay, pay attention. Start to gather those things that make you feel really good and start to pull away from the things, move the things out of the way that are a. No, it. Sam.

Thank you for that.

Thank you, Kal.

We are not in Kansas anymore.

No, sir, we are not.

We are in Austin, Texas.

Thank the Lord.

Thank you for coming on Wellness Force.

Thanks for having me.

It's been a pleasure to get to know you. These workouts, this community.

Yeah, well, you know, we really. We didn't officially meet at Alex and Sarah's wedding, but I remember seeing you, and I was familiar with you from the podcast, seeing you online. But just remember looking at you were sitting down, you and your wife for dinner, and I'm like, I. I want to know that guy. There's something about just the way you carried yourself, your energy, that I'm like, I really. I'd like to get to know him. And as we were talking about before, I didn't go over and kind of force the issue and try to be like, hey, this is, you know, I'm Alex's guy, or whatever. And then, sure enough, in December, we had an event that you showed up at, and we got to really connect.

So cool. And it was funny. Like, for those of you who don't know, Cal, host of the Unlearn podcast, the Great Unlearn, just an incredible human being, like, your ability to connect. When we first met at that holiday party, I was like, who is this guy? I didn't even know it was your house. Right? And so I think this probably happens to you a lot, where people meet you and they're like, oh, he's the rich guy. They might project onto you all the things they don't know about you. And it was cool because I was really proud of myself. I'm like, I'm just meeting him, and there's zero projection. And that spaciousness allowed us to really connect. I got to see your pet pig, who's making some lovely noises outside the door. Possibly Petunia. But for people that don't know you, man, like in a few sentences, like, who is Cal Callahan right now? What are you all about right now.

I do want to mention one thing. When we did finally get to chat, one of the things that impressed me the most was your ability to really tune in. And that. That's. Lenny.

What's up, Lenny?

I felt like you saw me how I want to be seen. You know, you kind of reflected what. What. What you saw, and that meant a lot to me because I had this great sense about who you were. Like, oh, you're super tapped in. Like, you. You are paying attention to not the words. It's not the words that are going back and forth, but it's like the energetic connection, which. It's like, I need more of these men in my life. And I think, as we've both recognized, a lot of them are coming to our Wednesday workouts, and it feels really good.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the law of attraction, but I do believe in the law of reciprocity. Like, what we put out there comes back. We have a shared friend, maybe a shared mentor, Paul Chak. He's like, love is a boomerang. So whatever you throw out to the world, it essentially comes back. And I feel like that's what it's been with you. It's been a lot of work for me to have this podcast and be ready to hold this space with you, because, I mean, the man I was when I started this podcast. Holy shit. And I can only imagine you when you started this journey of, like, being a podcast host, coaching people, having a background of, like, your father with a grocery store and learning how to really, like, manage your own self, where maybe your parents were working a whole bunch. This concept. Concept of unlearning, this is a beautiful jumping off point. So this concept of unlearning, I love it because for as long as I can remember, when I was a little boy, I was like, we don't treat each other with love. There's something like. There's this existential tension that's in the background, and I don't know what it is, but, like, I know it's not right. And that unlearning concept that you have, it's on your. If you're watching us on YouTube right now, it's on Cal's shirt. Like, to unlearn means what? Like, what do you mean by the great unlearn?

Well, it's really the invitation is to kind of question it all, Question all the ways that we've been taught or indoctrinated in some ways to be in the world, to be in relation to the way we look at success in all these metrics that have been really thrust upon us. And these agreements we've made, generally unknowingly, it. It's an opportunity to take a look at them, each one of them, much like Don Miguel Ruiz says in the four agreements. Like, look at these agreements we've made and unlock them one at a time. And for me, this unlearning probably started three years ago. A little over three years ago. I fortunately had one of these cataclysmic events that really was the jumping off point. And I was in Las Vegas. I don't know if you know this story. I was in Las Vegas during the mass shooting. So it was at the music festival, the Route 91 Music Festival.

Wow.

And literally hiding behind tour buses as the gunfire was coming. And just having this sense at a certain point, just feeling such a lack of fulfillment in my life. Like being bummed that this may be it, not that my life was ending. It wasn't any of that stuff that you might think you would think it was more like, man, I did everything I was supposed to do. I got the house, the wife, the family, the friends. I gathered all those assets.

Yeah, you did all the gathering. You know, and success would tick boxes for. Yeah.

And in way kind of, you know, over delivered on anything I could have ever dreamed of in that particular space. And here I was thinking this, that wasn't it. And when. When I obviously made it out of there, I started to go on this journey without knowing I was on the journey. But I was on this quest to figure out why am I here? Because it's not for any of the things that I thought. And just to back up a little bit. I spent 18 years in Chicago as a trader. Mostly on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.

Not exactly the most conscious place.

Not at all, you know, But I was fortunate because the guy who hired me out of college was one of those real upstanding men in that space. There's not many I happened to find the right one. And really showed me and others the way to be in that space. Where there's a lot of unsavoriness, how to be in integrity. And he's been such an amazing teacher for me throughout my entire life. Whenever I would have some issue that I was dealing with, maybe it was something with my wife, one of my kids, life in general. He was the one guy I would go to every time. He was the guy that could give me counsel, could hold space for me. And so in that, I think I learned what it meant to be there for others. And he was really, you know, I credit him for so much. Obviously within the trading business, he taught me a lot, but. But really about being a man and how to show up for your family and others was really. He could really just put on that different hat, you know, from partner boss to okay, I see you. So Anyway, I spent 18 years there. We. I got out of the business. We moved down here to Austin in 2013. And I had a few kind of different journeys along the way. I was part of the National Pro Grid League, which was a pro fitness league that started. It only lasted three seasons, 2014, 15 and 16. But I own and ran the team out of Phoenix, so there are eight teams in different cities. Had that experience was amazing. I learned a lot, but I didn't really learn a lot until three years post. So in 2019, I've been telling everybody I learned a lot. Like I lost a good chunk of money in that venture and had for three years really held myself. You know, I was really disappointed in the lack of due diligence, the amount of money I spent. My attorney best friend was like, dude, don't do this. Like, this is a terrible investment. I don't care what the deck says about what they're going to do with NBC. And I just really took that to heart and I really beat myself up until in 2019, I was sitting down with someone, they're like, tell me what's going on? What's your journey been like? And it was at that moment that I finally realized that the money I had spent during those three years showed me how much personal connection because I really cared for that team and I felt alive in a way that I never had. And. And it was that. That was the lesson out of there. Not that I lost a good chunk of money. It was that this is what I'm after, that connection. And so that ended up being a really a tremendous experience for me to get really clear about who I am and what really makes me come alive. And then since then, in 2018, as I said, Las Vegas, that started me on this journey of unlearning. And a little over a year ago, I launched the podcast as a means. You and I are having a conversation at my house. Right before I had the podcast, I would be telling one of my buddies who lives in Chicago about this conversation. How would this guy, Josh, we should have recorded it. Yeah. And it was kind of getting sick of telling people, but the people I was meeting, the conversation I was having, the experiences I was having. So why don't I just start a podcast? Yeah. So that I can. My friends can hear it and then maybe other people will listen to it too and just have fun with it. And it's been such an incredible journey for me to be able to be in this energy.

The Unlearn. Why do you call it the Great Unlearn? Like, why is it great? Because the concept of, like, relearning something or changing beliefs or having belief systems, like, fall to the wayside, I think most people get that. But the Great Unlearn. Why is it the great.

Yeah. I have to credit my close personal friend, Kevin Booth, who has been the creative behind the work that we do at the Great Unlearn. We were trying to iterate on what the name of the podcast would be, and the very first name was Working In.

Oh, that's Paul.

Check right there. Exactly.

Okay, okay.

So I'm like, okay, this is a very much a part of my practice was like, enough with the working out. Like, let's start to fill that energy up and really self care. And that felt really purposeful. But it didn't. It didn't. It didn't cover everything. And so we were still working on it. I even have a T shirt that my daughter made for me that says the Working in podcast. Because before I launched, that's what. There's the working name for a while. And as it turns out, and this is full disclosure, I don't know if I've ever said this before. So this is an exclusive.

This is an exclusive Wellness Force drop right here.

I had sent Kevin, like, all my ideas of what this process has been, and unlearning was one of them. And in this very room, laying down right where you're sitting right now, I went into a ketamine journey and I came out of it and he dropped. What do you think about the Great Unlearn? It was like, that's it. That's it.

It's like all your shockers just lit up.

It's just like that. Oh, my God, that's it. And whenever I tell someone the name or they see the sweatshirt or T shirt, they're like, that name is fucking dope.

And it's you. It's like we know when something's the truth because we have this embodied system. Zach Bush calls it, like the redox system. So we have this chemical system where I'm looking at the little muscles in your face to see if you can be trusted. You're looking at the little muscles in my face to See if I can be trusted. That's why these masks hurt us so much, because we can't practice our native right to look at small facial musculature and see if somebody can be trusted. But when I look at you and I'm like, I see the unlearn and I experience you, it's like, duh, of course that's you. And my journey from the start of this podcast has been like, how do we live our life? Well, you know, that's my mission with Wellness Force. And so with you, it's like, how am I gonna teach everyone to unlearn all the shit that they learned that isn't serving them? So, dude, if you don't mind, I'd love to pull the E brake and go back to the grocery store time, because I can't imagine what it would be like. And I want you to share. For people that may have had parents that were hardworking or driving or whatever it is, you know, the focus of this conversation when I was preparing for us was how do we actually create purpose, and how do we redefine it when everything falls apart? So the way that you were raised, being in the grocery store and, like, maybe your relationship with your mom or your dad, like, that fundamentally served you in some way to show up and help people unlearn. So what did you learn from the grocery store time that you later had to unlearn? Got the gift of unlearning.

Yeah, great question. And I started work. My parents bought the store when I was in sixth grade, so I would go there every day after school. I'd work on the weekends. It wasn't like that was all I was doing, but I spent a lot of time there.

Yeah.

And I really enjoyed it. Even though my dad was. Was, to be frank, kind of a prick at the store. Not to the customers. He was amazing with the customers, but he was really hard on us. I learned the importance of work ethic. I learned what it meant to do a job well done. Like, if you see any refrigerator, certainly my beverage fridge, this is dialed in. I mean, I will put my beverage fridge against anyone. It is just. There's like a. It's got to be right. But I learned also because my parents were working all the time that I had to care for myself. There was a lot of resilience that was built up in me. And even before they owned the store, they were both working. And as much as I love being around my kids, and I think there's a huge benefit for that, I think that there's a lot to be learned when you have to kind of fend for yourself from a young age. And I don't mean to overstate that, but it was really. I've been able to endure a lot. What I needed to unlearn within that was that I don't need to do it all by myself. And that has been a lesson that's been really difficult for me to learn. But as I've let go, as I've called on my brothers and sisters for help, I started to feel much more connected with others. And it's still something that my wife and I, I would say, struggle with from my part, because I don't always share what's going on. And I feel like I've got this, I can handle this. And what that has done has created a barrier for her to really get in to see the real me. And so that's, you know, in real time. I'm working on that. Um, and so there are these things that they're not good or bad, it's just, how am I using them? Resiliency is amazing. But if I'm trying to be resilient everywhere, every place of my life, that doesn't feel good for people. It doesn't feel good for those people in those close relationships.

The team element is huge for you. I feel like, especially with the workouts, when I get to come to your house and do these Wednesday workouts, you're such. You gather people. Maybe that's what drew you to the grid league or I'm not sure. But the unlearning of being the lone wolf is really what I'm getting from you. Like, so what did that look like? You know, how did you go from saying, like, I got this. I don't need anyone. I can be self sufficient. Because in a way that almost creates an emotional magic shell around us. You know, you put magic shell on ice cream. That's kind of what emotionally being the lone wolf does. And then something comes along to crack the shell.

Well, frankly, it was my wife saying, I'm not really up for this anymore. If it's gonna be like this, this isn't working for me.

Up for what? Like the fact that the show was.

There, the relationship, she's like this relationship right now. Like, we're not. There's no connection. Yeah, you're providing all this stuff and you're here and you're doing those things, but you're not really here. And while I was surprised when she remarked, you know, this was in 2017, was the first time before or after the shooting? This was before. It happened again after the shooting. Okay, so it's been a couple times for me. I'm like, what more do I need to do? Like I'm, I'm here, but I wasn't here, I wasn't present, I wasn't. I always had something running in the back of my mind about how I needed to show up, which started from a very young age of this is how you show up, you provide. And it's not about that opening that heart up and letting people in. And I don't want to paint myself as someone who's not this big lovable guy, because I am. I think you've experienced that. I do have.

You give good hugs.

Very much.

Cal gives good hugs.

Very much an open heart hugger. But. But with my wife it was just, you know, it's been this kind of interesting dance which again I'm still, still working to understand what is it that isn't allowing me to just be fully vulnerable and allow her to care for me and love for me in a way that, you know, if my mom listens to this podcast, this is meant as no kind of judgment on how I was brought up. But my mom, as much as she loved me, didn't really know how to connect heart to heart, you know what I mean? Like I get the hugs and whenever I needed something, she was there. But I know what it means to connect heart to heart. Peyton, my wife knows that and that's why, you know, I chose her back in, you know, 99. This was the first time I'd ever experienced that type of love, something that I was looking for my whole life. And I didn't realize that very thing until about three weeks ago. We were having a conversation with someone who's facilitating our relationship and for me I reached out to this woman. Basically I want to share things but I'm afraid they're going to trigger things and I don't want there something to be missed in translation. So bring in someone who has no affiliation to either of us and really it's been a great experience for us. But one of the things that came up was this sense that I couldn't receive. So as I sat with that the next morning and one of her recommendations was to reparent that child because there was an image that came up of me as a five year old that just didn't have that love. So I was in a meditative state, saw 5 year old me really needing something and I assumed I was going to be the one you know me, 49 year old me come in and parent, and the one who showed up was Peyton.

Wow.

Yeah. And it occurred to me that she's the one I was looking for the whole time. And so then I left the meditation and it was in the morning and so I literally went in, she was in bed, and I laid on her chest like a little boy. And I cried. And I told her how grateful I was that she was the one. And I let her nurture me. And I didn't worry about the idea of how I'm supposed to show up as a man in the relationship. I think that's really started a healing process for me personally, but also for the relationship, for her to see that I can go there and I cry around her all the time, but not in that just. Yeah, that little boy. So anyway, that's kind of got sidetracked.

There, but nope, that's right on track. I love it. I was feeling you there and I was visualizing this message that I've heard from so many people, whether it's like David Data or John Weinland or many of our friends. And it's like vulnerability is actually being strong. This conversation about, like, going on your wife's chest and just letting her see you, dude, you're dark, scuzzy and ug, letting her see it. I mean, I'm in the middle of that journey right now myself with a son on the way in two months. I can't even imagine the things that that spirit is going to allow me to unlearn so that I can truly show up for him. That's why I'm about ready to do this vision quest. I want to flip this back on you because so much of your work and thank you for your compliments about my presence because I feel the same thing with you. So much of your work is about sacred circle. It doesn't just mean plant medicine. I know that you've done quite a bit of breath work, as have I. And so what are the key tools? Like, if you had to. If you had to take that beautiful share that you just did, and what has allowed you to embody that awareness, that integration, that, like, steadfastness in being vulnerable? And how do you teach that on your podcast and to the men and women in your circles? Like, what does that mean to actually be. Be vulnerable? And how do you teach vulnerability?

You have to start with yourself for sure. You have to do, you know, the inner work. And I know that's kind of a big term, but it's. It's you have to be willing to question all. Again, back to the unlearned. You have to be willing to question all the ways you've done things and have a real kindness to your past self. Because. If you can't accept all that you've done, all the quote unquote shitty things you've done up until now, you'll never move through it. And I think that's some great advice that I've gotten along the way. And in many of the books that we read, it's all about acceptance because that's what's happened, this is what you've done. Because those are the tools you had at that moment. And that's how you move through life. It's like, okay, I'm not happy about that, but that's part of the journey. And so it's, it's an ability to hold yourself when you really need it as you're going through that process. But it's about getting quiet too. It's about lessening the distractions. It's, it's. It's kind of weeding the garden. Like, like take, not stop adding shit to your life. Like, we need to pull these things away and get back into what's underneath all of that. And, you know, I think meditation has been a great space for me.

Do you have a specific type? Because I want to go a little bit deeper because most people have heard of the concept of meditation. Yeah, but do you have a specific way? Is it a loving kindness? Is it a breathwork combined with meditation? Like what, what practically works for you, man.

Are you familiar with hape?

I am. I can't do it because my sinuses are sensitive. But. Yeah, but yes, it's powerful.

So generally every morning part of my practice, as soon as I get up, I come into this room, I lay down right where you're sitting, and I'll sit with the. So for anybody who doesn't know what happy is, it's a sacred Amazonian tobacco snuff that is taken through the nose. So you basically blow it up your nose. The apparatus is called a Kurupe. And you put the tobacco in one end, you put that end up your nose and then you blow. It looks like a V kind of self administer. Yeah. So you self administer. So you hit both nostrils. And for me, it clears everything out of my mind. And what happens is things that I haven't even thought would. Like if I sit in to come into a meditation with, like, what I want to think about, it's much different than when I Hit the hop A. And whatever needs to come through comes through. And then I just sit in that. So it could be 15 minutes, it could be 30 minutes. I generally don't put any music on just because I really want to focus on what the. The whatever wants to come through. And it just. It really. For me, it clears out all the noise, and I just get super clear on what the big. The big rocks are. And that's what happened when I had this awareness about who Peyton really is in my life or one way that she has really shown up for me and how that is part of my medicine is to allow her to love me in that maternal way, because it's something that's been missing my entire life. And so I would say the. The biggest tool I use on a daily basis is a hape meditation in the morning.

Awesome. Is there anything from, like, a physical practice beyond just working out? I mean, I get it like. Like exercise. We all understand, like, the power of cellular turnover and working out, but from this perspective of, like, leading a mission where you're helping people unlearn, let's be honest, dude, ripping a tree out of the ground is not easy. A lot of these beliefs that we're unlearning, they are so deeply woven in not just our life, but in past life. If you look at Mark Wolin's work and it didn't start with you, or even if you study some of the work from Mark Groves, like, we are conditioned generation over generation. I want to reference this because I was actually just talking to a client about this last night. Dr. Vernon Wolfe and Holodynamics. Holy shit. If you have not explored this, and we'll link it in the show notes today, we have literally, biological cellular tubercles, I think he calls them, or cellular tubes. These are the places where our emotions are stored and they are passed on epigenetically. When your mom was born, you were already in her womb. So whatever your grandma experienced as far as trauma or stress or capital T, lowercase t, that got put in you. So not only do we have to unlearn the things that society grafts onto us, but we have to unlearn the things that our great, great, even great grandparents gave to us as their lesson. But I'll be honest, it ain't mine. I'm gonna do the work to unlearn it so that it doesn't go to my son. So how have you done this? First of all, recognize maybe one or two of those beliefs that you got. And how does one of your Practices help you continually unlearn that.

One of the best practices I've had, and you could probably speak to this as well, and this is probably not going to be applied to a lot of people, but it's starting. The podcast.

Podcast is medicine.

It made me. I was always a pretty good listener. It made me, I would say, a tremendous listener. I understand how to be in the space and be with you and nothing else and just lock into that. And in doing that now, like, you saw the benefits of that in December when we were together, like, sure. I wouldn't have bet a year ago December you wouldn't have had that conversation with me, you know, so that's really taught me the value of listening. And I think listening is such an important part. Layered on top of that is the understanding that we all have our own truths. And I don't need mine to be right or yours to be wrong for mine to be right. My experience is my experience, and your experience is your own. And if we can just hold space for all of each of us to have these experiences and have our own truths and our own kind of lens, then. Then that. That allows us to listen. Because I'm not worried about trying to counter what you're saying to make my thing right. There's none of that. I just listen to what your experience is. And if you're talking about not your experience with something you've read and you're acting like it's your experience, then we might not have a very long conversation. Like, I want to know you. I want to know, like, what you've gone through. Not necessarily we have to go into the trauma or anything, but I really. I'm not that interested in learning about these kind of esoteric ideas. I want to know experience. And so what's helped me, I mentioned the four agreements. That book was an amazing tool for me, and I've read it several times. And as you know, like, when you read these books, you get a different thing each time every time.

Yeah.

David Data's Way of a Superior man was. Was the. The book I was reading when I had the aha moment that it was time for me to leave trading. This is a brotherhood that I was a part of for 18 years. And as soon as I read chapter 12, it's like, oh, I just need to leave. I've been feeling all this, like, uneasiness. I was a partner there. I didn't like being there. I felt like I was faking it. It was just this. Such a shitty, like, disingenuous place. To be that book just took all that weight off my shoulders. Like, dude, it's not your fault. You just stayed too long. It was time for you to leave. So books like that are important on one level. We were talking about this before we got on. This is kind of the gathering of the information going in there. Okay, that's interesting. And then applying it. And don't try to apply everything like I used to try to do. Like, just what are the things that you're called to do? And just play with it. Play. And that's something that's been more part of my practice, I would say, within the last six months, is creating everything as play. This is just like my journey. It doesn't have to be a fucking grind. When I first started out back in 2018, learning about breath, work, meditation, the Tibetan rites, all these things, I was so God damn like, I gotta get it right, I gotta get it right. And I was so intense about it that I was very unconscious. But it wasn't all for. Not. It gave me practices, so it gave me reps within those different areas so that when I was ready to become a little more conscious with it, I could do it. And so it's like, don't judge yourself for going into these things and not being able to nail them. Just play with them. And now I really try to just play in whatever space I feel called to on a particular day. I mean, I have a pretty open schedule with the exception of podcasts and some meetings, but with. With the exception of that, I get to play. And I really try to take advantage of that. And. And it doesn't mean I just fuck off all day either. It's like, what am I called to do? And just start paying attention to those things. Like, okay, this is super interesting. I keep doing this thing. Let's go a little deeper into it. Paying attention.

That voice of the calling. I remember I was. I was talking with Gay Hendricks, and he's like, your intuition will kind of tickle you like a feather. Your purpose, your. Your thing, your life path, it's not going to be this sledgehammer or this, like, golden gong that goes off of. And so much of your message messaging, your marketing, your website is about purpose. Like, when I look at your site, it's like people are unlearning what they've learned because they are really feeling more deeply called to live their purpose. So sometimes our purpose comes to us in the dark night of the soul. I can remember I was on my knees in 2015. Mom was put in a Mental home, broke up with a person I thought I was going to be with, was disconnected from God, was angry at God, had no money, got fired from a job, which turned out to be the greatest gift because it brought me here to you. But everything calm took me to my fucking knees at 2 in the morning, crying, just asking, okay, God, what would you like me to do? I literally had to be stripped away of all the things that I was angry about, resentful about. And by the way, I'm still unlearning those same. I'm still saying, I'm still unlearning.

That's the other thing. People, you're. You're always.

We're always going to be.

Always going to be on the journey. So don't. There's no finish line.

So with that, with that frame, has there been a moment where you yourself have been on your knees?

Well, I would say this certainly Las Vegas was the moment for me. And I say this with total compassion and empathy for those that really suffered or lost loved ones within that experience. But for me, it's what I needed. I was so grateful for that experience because it woke me up. So many people don't have that experience where everything they thought was true isn't. Like, all the things that they did to protect themselves, all the things I've done to protect myself and keep myself safe, they didn't work. Then. Nobody was like, all my friends, all my relationships, they weren't there. Like, this house, all the nice things that I've earned through that level of success didn't help me. I only had me. And that was like the moment. And again, it took me a while to understand that that's what it was, but it's, you know, it's like what's at the core. And so Vegas woke that up.

Were you in the crowd or where were you?

I was in the crowd.

So you were there?

I was there as side stage and the shooting started going off and we didn't know what it was. I thought it was fireworks, and I was pissed because I couldn't hear the song. And then we were, you know, kind of walking. We're actually almost kind of walking towards it. And we heard it again, and then it sounded like something different. And then people were starting to gather behind the tour buses. And so we were between the tour buses and the stage hunker down for probably 10 minutes until the shooting stopped. And yeah, man, it's. That would. There's no moment that's had a greater impact in my life, you know, now I've done a lot of work since then. Whether it's been a couple five day silent retreats, going to South Africa on a five day men's, you know, retreat, being out in the bush, having that experience, tracking animals. Like each of these experiences adds to that stillness, to that going inside. What, who am I? Who am I without anything? And I think it's really hard for us to imagine that. And so it's like, don't try to take that on all at once. Just start to strip away some things. What are the things that you really identify with? For me, you know, I'm fairly muscular right now. I, I probably had another 15 to 20 pounds on.

Okay, so you were, you were guarded up.

Yeah.

Okay. And.

The people around me. Right. God, you're in great shape, dude. You're 43. You're what it like, holy shit. Like fitness goals, like all that stuff. And it's just pumping up my ego because I didn't know how to take those, those remarks, you know, that fed that thing for me. And so I really identified with that. That was kind of like my calling card. Like I was the fittest guy amongst this group.

And have you always been fit?

No.

At a time where you, I mean.

I, I played, I played hockey up through college, so I was fit in that sense, but I wasn't really muscular and, and I would say I didn't start training until 2008, started doing CrossFit like a lot of people. That was, you know, kind of my first foray into building real muscle. And so that was a thing, you know, that I was really proud of, like how, you know, and it was, it was through the lens of I'm doing this for longevity, like muscles. I want to be able to pick up stuff when I'm older and have this aerobic capacity. That was what it was on paper, but it felt really good, all the external validation I was getting.

Okay. Like, you love the adulation. Yeah, yeah.

And then when I lost all the weight, I went from 210 to 180 over the course of, from the fall of 2018 until the summer of 2019. And I went back up to our place, we'd go up to in Idaho to our community in the summer. And I wasn't drinking anymore and I had lost 30 pounds. The guy was like, dude, what's going on? You look skinny. Are you okay? So then it was like at that point I had done some of the reading, so I knew that this was going to sting a little bit and I understood it was an opportunity for me to start to shed that. Shed that identity. Who would I be if I didn't weigh 210 and I weighed 180 and I looked skinny even?

Who would you be?

And that's it. A couple times I doubted who I would be. And so I would work out a couple times. And it was literally because I kind of wanted to get some of that muscle back.

Huh.

And I found out that all that was doing was keeping me from doing the real work. It was. I was so focused on the exterior, and as you said, it was the armoring. I didn't realize it. And you add on top of that, when I would work out, worked out with a certain amount of intensity, I would carry that into the house afterwards. I just couldn't help it. I didn't understand. I didn't know how to clean it and leave it there. So I walked around with this certain level of intensity, which is really hard to get close to.

Yeah.

You know, and I think my family felt it on some level. They certainly feel it now. And Dad's a big softie, you know, so there's a way different connection. But I didn't realize it because I thought I was doing the right thing, because people were telling me I was great and I was eating really well, and I was doing all these things that on paper look great and done in the right relation are great, but to the degrees that I was doing and what was driving me, I didn't want anybody to know what was underneath all that. And that's what I understood. You know, looking back on that period of my life, that I was really building these walls because there was stuff in my life that I was ashamed of, and this was a way to keep the stink off. Like, hey, just look at this. Look at the shiny object.

I'm just having a full bl. Almost like, transport back in time. I remember when I started being a personal trainer, I was like, well, as long as I look really perfect on the outside, I can shine light on all my clients and on all these people. But the dark parts of myself that I really didn't want to share because my nervous system thought it might die if I were to share them. That was the perfect role for me. And I'm not here to demonize trainers or therapists or coaches or you or anyone's journey. I'm just like, wow. Through experiential learning, I became really, really in the knowing of what I was doing. Because sometimes people can be a yoga instructor or a therapist or even you Know, unfortunately, we see a lot of this in the spiritual community. People that have huge podcasts. And I'm like, they're so different. When the lights come off, when we take off these headsets, the conversations and the relating that we have with you and I, it's the same off, and it's the same right here. Yeah, but that's not the case in our. And I guess you could say our world, our podcasting world. So a lot of these people need to learn the art of surrender. And I'm curious for you, like, what. What does that even mean? It's such a word that's overused to fully surrender to something. And I would assume that in your teachings of unlearning the great Unlearn, if we don't master or at least become masterful at the art of surrender, it's going to be pretty hard for us to unlearn anything. So how would you define surrender? Like, what is. What does it mean to truly surrender to something?

That's a great question. You know, I would say. You can't really surrender until you understand that you're perfect just how you are. And I know that sounds like some quote you'd read in one of these books, but when you understand that each of us. And again, another quote. We're doing the best we can, but it's fucking true. And when you really, instead of, you know, thinking about the.

Yeah, let's just feel what you're saying for a second.

You're perfect. You're doing the best you can, period. And sometimes you will do better. If we're judging, you'll be in a better space than other times. That's just where you're at. And when we understand that when I may be a dick to my wife, I don't beat my. I want to say this properly, too, but I don't continue to beat myself up about that. It's like, okay, what made me. What triggered me in that situation? Now can I work with that? Versus I'm just an asshole. I can't be nice to this amazing woman. Da, da, da, da, da. No, it's not about her or what was it that triggered me? That's my work. Wow.

Amazing. I have a mentor, a colleague, Rachel Fiore, the Masters of Self, and she calls them programs. So you get triggered. It runs a program just like in this equipment, right? You push a button, a program runs. So with your wife, here you are, you've done a lot of work. You lead a movement that teaches people to unlearn their programs. What Is if. If. If it's safe enough to share. I respect whatever you want to share or not. What's a program that you've been running that you know is actually. It's time for you to unlearn it?

Yeah, I got one for you that the program is. Well, let me. Let me give you a little context. So 2018 happens. I have this awakening. I go on this journey. I go deep into my inner work. I come out, you know, kind of on the other side, much more awake, just aware there was a period in our relationship where I wasn't present. I kind of spoke about that a little bit earlier, and there were some ways that I acted that I'm not proud of. And just to be very clear, I didn't cheat on my wife. So it wasn't like some code there, but I wasn't present, and I wasn't acting in a way that I really wanted to. The program for me is I want us to be in the here and now. I want her to see who I am today in 2021. But she keeps bringing up this old version of me that is not there anymore. And what I found out when I dug into that is I was the one who was bringing that energy. I was coming in not necessarily with the words, but with the energy of guilt and shame for the past, and she just felt it. And so that would trigger a response from her that would get me in that loop.

I feel like every woman is a fucking shaman, honestly.

Yes.

Women are shamanic.

They have. They will so tuned in.

When you get with the right woman, she'll call you out just by taking a breath.

Yes.

She'll shine a mirror on you, and you'll have to be like, wow, I just showed up like that. Okay, thank you. But before we can thank them, we have to understand what program we just run. So would you say that your program was lack of forgiveness to self? Like, I don't forgive myself?

Yes.

So she could feel that residue.

Yes. There's a sense of me that is like. Then there's a weakness when you come in with that energy. It's weak.

Yeah.

And she doesn't want weak. She doesn't, you know, need force. She needs me to be in my. You know, my masculine. To be there. And I would come in with. And it's so subtle, you know, but she reads it, and I know it because I'm the one who's. Who's putting it off.

Yeah.

But it's the beauty of the whole thing. Right when I understood that, because I Felt so disempowered. I'm like, I can't fucking do anything. She's got to do her work. I'm doing my work. And she keeps bringing up the past, and I'm, wow. It's like, oh, so if I'm the one who's bringing that in, so now I have the power to change that. I have the choice to come in with that energy or to come in with boom. As an example, I would say, oh, is that. Is that dress new? And I'd be waiting for the. No, I bought it three years ago. As in, see, I told you you weren't seeing me. So instead of, first of all, why am I asking if the dress is new? I think she looks great in it. Why am I not saying that looks awesome?

Why were you asking?

Right? And that was just like. That was my way to, like. Like, I think to bring. Continue to bring that. I. It's the only way I was going to fucking figure this out. And this is on some sort of soul level. This is not me consciously thinking this, but I felt like by doing that, it really showed. Like, the. Really. The question was, why am I asking if it's new? Why am I not just expressing? The thing that comes up for me is that you look amazing. Why am I not just saying that? And that's been teaching me that to step into this presence and to not push aside the guy I was. I mean, full integration of who I have been. That's me. It's all me. I have the. The, you know, I can go back to that. It's within me to do that and much worse and much better. Like, we. We have the capacity for all of it, but it's given me, like I said, the. The agency to decide how do I want to show up. And the language is an important part of it, but I feel like the language. I don't know if it's the language with the energy or like, it's. It's.

I think it's both.

I think it's, you know, one. You know, one goes with the other. But that's been one that I felt it for a long. You know, I would say quite often. And it. Sometimes it has kept me from saying anything, which isn't necessarily good because I was afraid of the backlash.

Sure.

I didn't want to be the whipping boy.

Wow. We were just having, like, a soul brother moment, because I am literally dealing with that right now. Tell me about my current experience. Okay, well, I'll tell you about it on your podcast.

Yeah. Well, I want to hear a little bit, give the listeners a Snapchat, but.

Here'S what's really going on. So I've done a lot of work. I'm about to be 41, and I feel at times that sometimes Carrie will bring up the person I used to be. Right. And so this reflection that you're giving me, which is so potent, is like, okay, what subtle ways am I bringing the energy of my old self, of my little self? And how can I operate in this moment without shaming him, belittling him, beating him up, trying to get him out of the picture? How can I just hold him and love him right here so that he feels seen and heard? Because then if I just experience that, hold that, do my processing, where I place a heart, hand connection, the exact same thing I tell clients is the very lessons I'm learning. So then she can feel who I really am, rather than me holding back that part of self. And then she can feel it. Anyways, like I said, women are shamans. So whether it's Peyton or whether it's Carrie, whether it's anyone, I think that a really powerful relationship in general, it really brings people to their maker, and that is the God within themself. So the God within myself is connected to young Josh, to adolescent Josh, to adult Josh, to father Josh. All these archetypes that we know of. So that's what's really going on. I love that we are in this part of the conversation because. And I can feel you got something to say about that, something brewing. But what I can say is my greatest lesson continues to repeat until I have the courage to let it go through. And that spiritual courage, that real courage comes from experiential learning you can't get in a fucking book. You can't get it in a PDF. You can. You can gather it, but until you apply it, you then you. Then you can embody it. So.

Yeah, well, I'm glad you. And I'm glad you brought it up because I am very deep in the process of this. This is like a big one for me. And it, as you said, it will keep coming up until I've resolved it.

Yeah.

And you know, just what you were saying, you know, if she does bring up the old version of me, Right. I also have a choice on how to react. And Stefanos gave me a great piece of advice around this. He's like, dude, you've got to just, like, own it and don't slink away and be hurt. And you may feel those things, and it's like, don't be, you know, inauthentic to that. But when you come in in the beginning with a different energy and that comes back, it's just like, absorb it and it's part of you. Like, because if you shrink away, you're allowing the shame to come up. And again, if it is coming up, there's more work to do. But just like reframing, for me, it's been, you know, years of that trigger. And so it's like understanding how to unwind that trigger. And maybe one day I get it and the next day I don't, but it's like getting the reps in and just being okay with it.

I recently did a solo cast. It's called God is Love. And the whole mission of the 15 minute, I guess you could say, expression was forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a gift that I give to my father, that I give to my partner. I give forgiveness to me because when I forgive myself, then I can show up with my partner or with the world with you, with this podcast, with my community, and just. And they can feel it. There's a subtleness to our being, and it operates in all of us. Yet food and media and distractions and fear and amygdala hijacking, it blocks our internal knowing. So then that's why we gain weight. That's why we have health problems. And however you want to describe it, like, we're all doing the same thing. And that is we're either meeting our maker inside or we're not. And I'm not here to shame myself or anyone else, but huge question for you. What's the part of yourself that you weren't meeting that you could share? Like, in other words, what was that part of yourself in the past that she would bring up? Because I know a lot of people deal with this man. I'm feeling people with us right now. What was the part of your old self that you. That you brought that sometimes comes up from time to time and that you're still in the process of authentically and powerfully unlearning?

Very much the shame. The shame of not showing up as. As a husband and on, you know, I would say as a father, too, very present. I was very present in the physical, but I wasn't present in the connection. And I. That's what I carry the. I should have done it better, you know, But I know when the should comes that it's what happened. There's no should. It's what happened. Can I accept it? And it's. And It's. It's a hard process. There are some days where I'm totally aligned and I'm just in full acceptance of all of it, of all of my shit, of all of anyone's shit. Like, I'm good. And dude, it's like. Like this fucking shame. Like, dude, how could you not. How could you not see how amazing she is in your kids? You know, how could you not spend more time with them? Like, in that energy? And I see these new fathers today, you know, like jp, you know, JP Sears, our friend, and I see how he is with Wilder. And there would have been a time when I would have felt guilt about that, about how I wasn't like that when my kids were born.

Because you were working or just.

No, I was working, but that it wasn't something else. I was just. I was a bit broken, or I want to say broken. I was. I was still unsure about who I was very unsure. And I was still very much looking for external. I was still trying to make it. I didn't realize that there was no making it, you know, but I was still on that programming. Yeah, you're a trader. You make money, you do this, you provide a house, you do the. You know, and it was like I was in that energy and so I didn't have a lot of time for that. I had plenty of time given my. My. My work day was actually quite nice. I would get in early and I'd be home by 3:34 every day. But I see these new dads and I know you're going to be the same way, super connected from the jump, and I just think it speaks to the people that I'm surrounding myself with. Those are the dads that I'm seeing. You know, I'm not necessarily hanging out with me 15 years ago. I'm just not. I wouldn't be, you know, good dude, but just like, eh, we're not going too deep on what we're talking about, so. And I know that was part of my journey and it, you know, it took me to 46 years old to, quote, unquote, wake up. I'm good with that. You know, I'm here, but it's perfect timing.

There's divine timing and all healing. And there's a lot of people in the Austin community that on the outside they look great, but I know them and I know they're still struggling and I'm probably going to butcher the quote, but like, don't put anyone on a pedestal because you don't know what war they're fighting inside. You don't know anybody's real story. And it begs the question, like, so much of what you do to circle around to this question, again, is like helping people just find their lane, like, find their purpose. They cannot find their purpose unless they get rid of the programs that are blocking them from it. And a lot of times people go to the doing instead of the being and the integrating. So, like, if you were to speak on a stage to, like, 100,000 people and you were to tell them, like, this has been my experience about finding my purpose, and this is what I would advise you to find your purpose on. Like, how. How do people find their purpose?

Well, it's a little bit what you were talking about before. It's not going to hit you upside the head. It's not going to. It's not going to fall in your lap, what your purpose is. Your purpose is like a series of these little steps. And if you can pay attention to the things that make you feel really good and take that step and the things that you constrict a little bit, like, literally, you feel it in your body when it's a no. Yeah, we're not tuned. A lot of people, we're not tuned into that. If you can just really start to pay attention to the things that bring you joy, that make you feel alive, that's part of the path.

But it's like a breadcrumb. It's not.

It's a fucking. It. It's even smaller than a breadcrumb.

It's a micro breadcrumb that's in.

In. Don't. You may have an idea of where you want to be. Make it an aim, make it really wide versus a goal. A goal feels like it's a flag on the ground. I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna get. That's where I want to be. You have no fucking idea what makes you feel really good right now. Here. Can you be here now in what is really good? Okay, Pay attention. Start to gather those things that make you feel really good and start to pull away from the things, move the things out of the way that are a no. And it really becomes that simple. But we're not taught that. We're not. We're taught find your purpose, but they don't. They don't give you the simplicity like anything that's. This isn't complicated, but it does take discipline because you got to get quiet. You got to stop listening to other people's opinions, their feedback. This is about you. What Makes you feel good. If you have a podcast and you have a newsletter and you have a website and you don't really like doing social media, maybe you do just a little bit. Maybe you hire someone to do that. But for me, I don't like it at all. And so I haven't. As you probably noticed, I don't do much of it. You probably noticed because you don't see me on there. You see, the Wednesday workouts are fun for me, but for me, it was like a drain of my energy. And, you know, I have a podcast and I kind of have a newsletter. It's more just about the podcast that's. That's upcoming. But for, you know, three months, it was more about what I was going through, what I was learning, and I was sharing that. And for me, that became such a heavy lift. It's like, I don't want to do that. So I said no to something that most people would say, you can't. You gotta. You should have a newsletter. It's gonna get to more people, and they'll share it with their friends if it's really good. And you gotta get out there on social media. You got three posts a day, and you gotta post on your story and you gotta share your lifestyle and this. I get all that.

Well, that's. That's driven by Gary Vaynerchuk and people that have money invested in Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You gotta watch where you're getting your advice from.

Well, and it's fair. And there is some. There's some truth to that, to that helping build you. Because I do want to have impact.

Yeah.

You know, I think that's important as part of the. It's not just doing this for me, although that's the biggest reason I'm doing, is for my own learning or unlearning. But it's like, what are those things that you're doing just because you think it's what you're supposed to do? And can you remove those from your life without completely, you know, having it create this house of cards effect?

Yeah.

And if you can, I encourage you to start taking those steps. Start weeding the garden. If you can do that, you'll start to get more clear on the things you want to do. And it doesn't mean fucking quit your job and do like that may come. But, you know, when I was trading, I started to recognize that all I wanted to do in my free time while I was on the trading floor, because it was really slow. I was reading about weight training. I was Reading about nutrition, I was reading about lifestyle, reading about all this stuff. So I started to pay attention. Oh, this is. That was the next step for me. I started coaching people. When I left trading, it was really easy for me to leave trading in that sense because I had a second chapter. A lot of people don't have that because they haven't paid attention to what really, you know, without, you know, anybody telling you what to do. What are the things you are reading on the Internet? What are the things that you do in your free time? What are the things that bring you life? Who are the people you really enjoy being around?

What do you see that blocks people's purpose? In my opinion, it's media, phone opinions and thoughts of others, parental example that got passed down. There's an onslaught to our mental faculty that literally guards us. For some people, it's like we've heard this thing, you know, the graveyard is the richest place in the world because all the dreams of people that have unfulfilled them is trillions of dollars that sit in a graveyard because people never had the courage to act on their dreams. So what do you see, you know, what do you see in your work? What do you see in your podcast? What do you see in the world that blocks people from actually really going towards their purpose?

It's mostly the money thing. That's. That's the big crutch. And I don't speak from personal experience, because when I left, I was fine when I left trading, but. But there's that. I've seen it with my old trading buddies, and they've done well, but not super well, actually. A couple have done certainly well enough, quote unquote, to leave, and they haven't because they're still making pretty good money and they just can't get off the tit. It's a steady income. They get health insurance. So much of their happiness of what they're supposed to do in life is wrapped around being able to provide financially.

Which is a real thing, which is real.

But they're also not introducing other things in their life that light them up. So they don't love what they're doing, but they're not doing anything to open up the aperture to see what else is out there. And so it's really that stuck. I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable right now. My job's okay. I have fun outside my job. And it's like your fucking whole life can be filled with joy. And you don't know that because you haven't experienced it. And that's okay. And I wouldn't have understood that until I actually experienced it. And today I do experience it has nothing to do. I would say it has very little to do with the financial comfort. I mean, I think that helps for sure, that I don't have to, quote, unquote, earn a living, but I still have to make choices every day on how I'm going to spend my time and being, you know, an achiever. Like, I am holding that in check and putting that, like, what am I trying to achieve? Is it financial success anymore? Because I don't care how much money you've made, there's always more to be made, especially if you're not in the right. I fucking see a lot of that. And when I see it, it pings me. Like, don't be that. Like, have what you need, but spend. And what happens is other opportunities start to come about that you didn't even know were there. And by the way, they could be worth a lot of money and you're loving what you're doing. And even if they don't turn out to be a lot of money, you're having fun.

Yes.

You're just having fun. You know, And I talk with my partner Ty a lot about this and, you know, we've worked together for a little over a year on the brand and we're working on some other things. And he helps you with the unlearned ventures and really doing like the deep dive due diligence on that stuff. And he fucking hates it when I say this. Okay, so I'll just say that we haven't, quote, unquote, achieved a lot by traditional standards. Right. When you have bring someone in to take over all that stuff. But it's been by design, I would say by maybe soul level design. Because what we've really tuned into probably since September is, are we having fun?

Yeah.

And he comes here in this room at least twice a week, Mondays and Fridays. We spend most of the day here riffing on things. It could be about the podcast, it could be about some deals, it could be about anything. But we're in such a beautiful energy here and we really cherish the time together because there's such an energy and there's so much joy that comes out of that. It's like none of the other stuff matters. Are we having fun? This stuff will fall into line. We will start to do some things that are going to be amazing. And he's working on a project right now that could be the thing that we would have never found had we been nose to the grindstone for sure. And it could be, you know, financially massive.

Yeah.

But that doesn't. I don't even fucking care because it's so fun.

There's a time and a place for grind and then there's a time and a place for flow. And I think it's what comes up for me. And it's so funny, man. This whole interview I've been seeing Carl Jung's red book behind your face. And my most insane quote that I love, that everyone can attest to, and that is until you make the unconscious conscious, it'll run your life. And then you will call it fate. We'll call it fate. So if the unconscious is satisfied, if we've explored the shadow, if we know the dark and the light of self, well, then we can be happy. And then we can use that, I guess you could say, frequency, to gather and apply and embody the things that are actually making us feel joy on the journey. That's the platitude that Michael Pollan talks about. Love is all there is. The journey is the prize, not the destination. And we all hear that. And I've heard you even frame some of your comments today where you're like, I know it sounds trite, but it's fucking true. And that's why it's so powerful, because the truth hides in plain sight. And it becomes this platitude because we're taught that, oh yeah, we know that's the truth. But are you doing it? Like, isn't that the real shit? Are you actually doing it? And I can't even believe that we're like, almost at time because I feel like we've been just scratching the surface. So we're gonna have to do round two.

Oh, no problem.

We're gonna have to do round two. But I just have a few more questions.

Yeah, fire away, brother.

So I think about the, the phrase that you have in, in your, in your podcast, you talk about skin, like feeling comfortable in your own skin. When did that really come online for you? And how can you share that with this global audience of what does it really mean to be comfortable in your own skin? What are the virtues and values that you've embodied in order for that to be true?

Get some fucking hard hitting questions here.

This is wellness for us, man. We go down.

I love it. You know, it's not quite as simple as, you know, being okay with yourself. I mean, I think that goes without saying. Sure. But it's when you, generally, when you, when you say you don't fucking care what anybody thinks. And you mean it. Like, that's. For me, that's. When I was there, I said it a lot and didn't mean it. I cared a lot about what people think. And I still. I'm not saying I. I don't at all. But when you get in the right relationship with that, like, I care what the people who know me think, you know, I take what. What they say and I'll pay attention to it, and then I'll tune into myself, like, with that feedback. Right. But I also. I have to do that to tune in to myself. Yeah. Comfortable in your own skin. It's.

Cause it's not just a feeling. It's a way of being. And it's more than just I feel comfortable in my own skin. It's like I love myself in my own skin. So there's a recipe to get there.

I mean, I do think it has a lot to do with identifying and healing those childhood wounds. And for me, it was the guilt and shame. And it was again, mom, if you're listening again, this is nothing you did.

Intentionally but shout out to mom.

You know, mom. I should say mom and dad. But, you know, I. I feel that there was those lower energies put on me at a very young age, and I received them and held those and carried them, but they're not mine. So, you know, back in December, I had this awareness like, oh, this isn't mine, in a meditation with happy. And at that moment, I felt like I was able to move through it. And at that moment, like, that guilt and shame makes us uncomfortable. And there is literally, you know, comfortable New York is literally a physical response to think about. I think about, if I've gone from going to a party, there are going to be a bunch of different people there from different groups. And there was a time when I would go and have it. I want to call it anxiety, but it'd be like, okay, who's going to be there? Yeah, what do I. What different masks do I need to bring tonight? Oh, shit. You know what I mean?

Ain't that the truth?

Yeah, it's like, I don't ever do that anymore. I just show up as me and, you know, so that's when you know you're in the right place, when you can go anywhere, no matter who's there, and you just show up as you and you just share you, because no one knows you and can be you better than you. But when we try to, you know, kind of color outside the lines and show up as Something we're not. That's when it gets a little uncomfortable. Our mouth gets a little funky during the conversation, and we start to have. There's. There's not the flow because now. And it's. It's the words get a little fucked up. But now we've lost this connection because you're not connecting to me. You're connecting to this thing that I'm trying to be, and I just. I just don't have that anymore. And it all comes back to fuck, man. You gotta do your work. You gotta get in there. You gotta do your work. You gotta fucking question it all and be okay with it. You gotta be okay. If you've, you know, you've thought a particular way, that's really, you know, not cool. And you had an awakening, you fucking woke up. That's awesome. Okay. Love yourself through that period, because that's all. That's what you did. Someone taught you that, someone you believe, trusted. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're moving through it. And so again, it comes back to this acceptance of all the shit in the past. And, you know, again, the truest sign is going to a party and just being you. You know, we had that event here.

It was like 150 people. I know some of the biggest speakers in the world. I had to check my mask at the door, right? Because I was like, this is all the people that I praise, that I share, that. I. I interviewed eight people that were in the room. So they've all been on my show. So I had to literally be like, okay, how can I show up today? Most loving. And when I got in the van right out here in front of your house, I just did some Breath of Fire. I just did the pranayama through my nose for like a minute or two. And I was like, I'm just gonna be me here. I don't have anything to prove to these people.

Yeah.

I just don't. There's nothing I need to prove.

Nothing.

I'm excited to be here and I'm excited to share, but I don't have to prove anything to you. You don't have to prove anything to me. But it is fun, isn't it? It is fun to explore this physical and emotional intelligence. Because intelligence is not like a book you read. Intelligence is gather, apply, embody. It's what's in your body. And we know what it's like. Like, I can feel it from you. And I think that's what we felt when I met you at Christmas. Is like, there's just something in you that's really cool that makes me want to learn why I got there. And I think that's the real magic of podcasting and conversation is like, well, why do we do what we do? And if I want something different, can I learn how to ask more intelligent questions? Because if I can ask those questions, then I'll get a different result, and then I can move forward with confidence and self. Because, man, all roads lead to self love.

That's it.

All roads lead to self love. What you've created here, your home, this. This mecca really, for, like, culture and community, I feel like you have the hub of Austin. You've only created that because you've been willing to do the work. And people could probably attach projections of, like, well, it's easy for him. He had the money. But, like, it's not easy for any of us, no matter how many resources we have. And I would like you to challenge the audience and challenge the world and just give them maybe the 1, 2, 3 of what they can begin to do, to unlearn as we say goodbye. Like, what are three things they can do today when they're done with this show where they can begin to unlearn? I mean, obviously, they're going to listen to your podcast.

Yeah.

So beyond that.

The one thing I do want to say, I want to comment, and I thank you for the kind words about what's been created here. You know, for three and a half years, we've had this house and didn't have this energy here. Okay, so we've been here about four years now. The last six months, everything's changed and has a lot to do with the community, but it's also part and parcel with this kind of new stage that I've stepped into and my wife and I are stepping into, where I've lived in a beautiful home and felt very unfulfilled. I live in the same beautiful home and have never felt more fulfilled. This is not about the house, it's not about my gym, but it's about who are we bringing into this space and inviting in and who's being called to it. And that, for me, is the greatest marker that we're on the right path, because the people we're surrounding ourselves with, the people who are feeling called to be here, are amazing. And you know, what is almost to a person, what I love about it is each one of them is showing up in their own genius, their own superpower. They're not trying to be all things. They're Just like I'm Josh. This is who I am. I'm Stefanos. This is who I am. You know, I'm Christine. This is who I am, and this is what I have to offer to this group. And when we can start to key into what our genius is, what our gift is, that's the number one place to start. Now, how do we get there? As I said before, you need to start pulling things out of your life that are distracting you. And I don't mean like your phone. That is important. Can you create a little more quiet time in your world, turning off all the electronics and sitting with yourself and just sitting. And for men out there who are the high achievers, can you just fucking do nothing with your time? What would that be like?

Can you sit idly?

Yeah, because within that, the real medicine is in that space because you're not used to it. And the idea of production is generally wrapped around having something to show for it that you can show everybody. Like, this is what I did with my time. I've spent so much time in that stillness in the past three plus years that what I have to show with it is much greater than anything I could physically show people. But it takes time. And I don't mean to discourage you at all. Take it one step at a time. Don't try to get to the end of this awakened state. It will come if you go inward and it will come in bits and pieces. And you may have this big awakening, but take it slow and be kind to yourself. And just like I mentioned with Don Miguel Ruiz, start to question shit and question them one at a time and start to really unlock these ways that you've seen the world, whether they've been adopted through your mom and dad, through your teachers, through your coaches, through mainstream media, through Hollywood. It's fucking everywhere, people. It's everywhere. So can you question everything one at a time, though? Let's start you off easy. So forgot what the first one was.

That I said write it in the show notes, everybody.

Yes, yes.

That's how I'm being present because I'm just with you like one step of the way. So somebody Write it on YouTube right now.

Yes.

What was the number one? Well, Lauren from our team will write it. So. Thank you, Lauren.

Thank you, Lauren.

Thanks, Lauren.

I got. I got distracted. But I think the most important thing is. Yeah, it's. I don't know if there's one important thing. It's really hard to.

It's hard to sometimes distill. I was like, cal, gimme the top three. Which is so funny because in this organic conversation, I'm like, I gave him the intellectual question, right, Cal, Give us the top three things to unlearn life. And it doesn't fucking work like that. There is no top one or top three. Because those top three or top one could change from person to person. But I've so enjoyed this conversation, man. It's been what a gift to the world that your perspective and the spotlighting of this unlearning process truly is. We covered a ton of ground.

We did.

So when we look at these two concepts, man, two concepts. One of them the great unlearn, you know, lovingly giving the things back to society and parents and everyone else. And then also, can you juxtapose that with purpose? Finding purpose. Is there anything we missed? You know, whether it's unlearning or finding true purpose, redefining purpose. What did we not cover? What's something that someone hasn't asked you that you've been really wanting to share?

I don't get asked a lot about my trading career. And what's interesting is I'm in the process of writing a book and my partner who's helping me write the book, not tie, someone else was out here recently and we had a three day just jam session on it. And I couldn't believe how much of my life today, the framework of it was developed in the trading space. And so the book is going to carry these lessons, you know, so there's. I never really get asked about my trading career and a lot of that is because I haven't been that open to it because for so long I didn't love that version of me. I acted with integrity there, but I was trying to be, you know, this. Shed that skin, so to speak, and emerge as someone different, someone more awake. And there was a lot of pushing that back into the shadow. And Boyd Vardy, my dear brother from South Africa, had told me back in July, he said, you know, when you learn to love that version of yourself, there's a real medicine there. And so from that moment on, I've been really trying to. And I haven't been able to land it. And then as we've been getting deep into the writing of the book, I found that the way for me to reintegrate that that version of me is through writing this book through the lens of an options trader. And it's going to be fucking magic. It's really coming together. So I'm excited about that. I think it's a completely different Spin on, you know, going through life and really creating options for ourselves and how we can do that, how we often close those down and have, you know, tunnel vision, and we don't open up that lens.

Well, when that book comes out, I mean, we have got to come back to Wellness Force and talk about the money wound. It's something that was on my list. We didn't get to it. But, I mean, money, I think, is the core wound for society. The misuse, the misappropriation, the abuse of money. In my viewpoint. My very first talk that I was telling you about before we recorded was, you know, my beliefs that I've done life's work now letting go of is like, especially in the past six years, people can't be trusted, expect the worst to happen. Money causes pain. And so those beliefs, if that resonates with anyone listening, come for round two where Kyle and I go deeper into the money wound, because I think it's super important to share your lessons there. So, Kyle, just so much love and appreciation for you, and I saved this surprise till the end. This is episode 400 on Wellness Force.

Come on now.

So let's all together, let's all unlearn the fucking bullshit that we have learned. So thank you for being number 400 on the show. And I thought about who I wanted to have, and I was like, what a beautiful concept to unlearn. Because when we unlearn the shit that's hate and contracting and fearful and spiteful, then we can have the spaciousness to explore this physical and emotional intelligence so we can live life well, which is the whole point of the show. It's my life's work. So I love you, brother. Thank you so much for sharing on the show.

I love you, brother.

Happy 400.

Yes. Happy 400. And thank you. Like, I'm so grateful for this conversation, for the way you hold space, for any time you and I get to get together. This was. Yeah, man, I. We. From the moment we met, there was. There was a special connection there. And I can't wait to see where this takes us.

I think it's gonna be fun. Let's have fun.

Let's have some fun.

Let's just have some fun. We'll start there. So, okay, everyone, share this podcast. Share this podcast with somebody that you care about, somebody that you love, somebody that is in pain about what they've learned so they can unlearn it. And there's a huge contest, by the way. All you have to do is drop your name wherever this is, and you're Gonna get a $500 package delivered right to your house. Element Paleo Valley, Organifi. And then who is our other sponsor? It'll be in the show notes.

I'm gonna throw in some feel Free Element.

Oh, Element. Feel Free Elementi, Paleo Valley Organifi, and Cured Nutrition. It's gonna be in this massive pack delivered to you, so just drop a comment below. Cal, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you, brother. Thanks for having me in your house and introducing the community. All right. Until Cal and I see you again, we're both wishing you love and wellness. We'll talk to you then.

Sam.