UNLOCKING ANXIETY | SELF LOVE - Syanna Wand, NTP

Welcome to Wellness Force Friday, a special edition bite sized podcast that fuels the start of your weekend with actionable steps for your wellness journey through an inspiring message or story from a trusted influencer who's a positive force for the physical and emotional wellness of our global collective. If it's your first time listening to the show, be sure to hit subscribe for access to our more in depth and full length featured episodes with over 100 expert guests where you'll learn the best tools and ways of to understand those connections between our emotions and healthy habits to live life well and enjoy the process. All right, let's drop in together for this week's message. Sayana, welcome to Wellness Force Friday.

Hey, thanks. I'm really excited to be here.

Me too. I found you on Instagram. There's a backstory. We'll link in the show notes today. But tell us, Sayana, what do you do and why do you do it?

Yeah. So I am a certified nutritional therapy practitioner. Right now I work mainly with women and in like a one to one client setting. So. And basically I just coach them through the process of letting go of anxiety and stress and learning a new relationship with their bodies and minds. Most of us are in this survival mode and not in a thriving mode. And you know, I had this really deep struggle and journey out of anxiety and fear and it wasn't as easy as it could have been if I had kind of had someone to guide me along that journey in an integrated way. So, you know, I'm not knocking by any means the conventional medical community, but when I tried to fix my issues, all that kept happening was they kept throwing more and more drugs at me and kind of telling me I was fine. It was all in my head. My labs looked normal and they kind of sent me on my way. So I really had to take things into my own hands. And when I decided to do that, I also decided that I really wanted to be a voice for other people who were maybe in similar situations.

Yes. And I found your voice too. I loved it. I connected with it through one of your Instagram posts, which again, we'll link in the show notes. But what is the message that you really feel in your heart of hearts today that you want to share with Wellness Force to help us live life? Well, what's that message?

I think if there's a message behind it, and I'm definitely stealing this from one of our conversations, but that anxiety is just not a jail sentence. I think millions of Americans walking around right now feeling like a slave to their Thoughts and worries. And my message, if there was one wrapped up in there, is that anxiety is not who we are. We're led to believe that anxiety and stress are these personality disorders or character defects. And really, it's just a word we use to describe the way that we think. So. So our habitual pattern can be changed. And the good news about that is that we get better and better at it as we learn. And so if there's really a message, I think it would just be that we have the power to change our circumstances, whatever they may be.

Yes. And I've dealt with anxiety in my life, and you are correct. It is not a jail sentence. Everyone has a story that leads them to a lesson. What's your origin story? How did you come to learn the things that you learned on this path that brought you to us in this moment? What's that story?

When I was really young, I was about five years old, My parents got divorced. And while I recognize that that's not necessarily, like, the worst thing that could happen to a kid, it was really difficult for me, and I took on a lot of the responsibility for that. So my belief at that time became, you know, your dad left because you weren't enough, and if you would have been better, he would have stayed. And so this sense of having to be perfect and having to figure out how to get people to kind of stay in my life became my framework. And when I was 12 years old, that started to manifest into physical symptoms. So I started getting anxiety attacks, and I actually had my first panic attack. I also started getting, like, OCD tendencies and physical symptoms, like, you know, tics and these constant belly aches. My family used to tease me that I was just this really big hypochondriac. You know, maybe to some extent that was true, but really I was just this nervous ball of tension all the time, and I really felt the effects physically. So this kind of followed me throughout, like, my whole life. I was pretty much afraid of everything outside of, like, this small little bubble that I lived in.

How old were you at this time?

So this period was probably like 12 and 19 years old is like, when things were really rough. So when I was 19, I remember having this really terrible panic attack. I was out to dinner with my family, and it had lasted several hours. That's kind of how they worked for me. They would just last hours and hours and hours, and I'd be exhausted at the end of them. So a friend of mine at the time innocently offered me one of her anti anxiety pills that she had. It was a Xanax pill. And not knowing what I was doing or just how serious, you know, those effects could be, I gulped it down. And honestly, from that moment on, I was, I was hooked. I never felt that kind of relief before. And it really became my sidekick for the next seven years. You know, anytime my anxiety would creep in or my nerves would start to fray, which was honestly, every day I would just, you know, pop a pill and be able to cope with life again. Except that I didn't recognize at the time that while I was conveniently numbing out these feelings of fear and anxiety and worry, I was also really starting to numb out all of the good ones as well, you know, so love and connection and joy and happiness, all those things that I really wanted at the core of my being were being shut down by these pills as well. And so I entered into this place of like, numbness and emptiness. And at that point, you know, I kind of thought maybe I should do something about this. And so I was then put on antidepressants. And it was just this awful space of being a slave to these pills in order to exist in the way that other people around me were. So, yeah, so that was around 19, and then I kind of spent the next seven years in that space of just being essentially addicted to these anti anxiety meds.

What did you see the world as then? You know, you're in this space, your friend gives you the pill unknowingly. They were probably trying to help you, but.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

What did you used to see the world, world as in that space? In other words, I mean, what's the belief that you let go of? How did you transcend from the pills to the health?

Yeah, so the belief that I really recognized that I was living from was essentially like, you know, the world is a scary place, people are even scarier. And if it has to be, I know it's terrible. And if it has to be, you know, me or them, it's going to be me. And those were the lenses that I put on and I just didn't take them off. I didn't take them off until, you know, you know, around age 26 is kind of like I started feeling this call. I started feeling a call to let go of those beliefs. And I'm not entirely sure why. I still don't fully understand it, But I decided to kind of quit that medication cold turkey, which was maybe not definitely not the smartest thing I could have done. But one of the ways that I started letting Go of those beliefs is not so much focusing on the old beliefs, but looking for proof of evidence to support my new beliefs. So for me, that looked a lot like keeping, like, a running total in my journal or, you know, in my head of all the ways that this new belief was showing up in my life. So, for example, you know, if I was trying to change the belief that, you know, people were scary and mean and terrible, I would start looking for examples of every time someone showed me a way that people are good and kind and loving and vulnerable and authentic. And I would go literally write that down in my journal or make a mental note of it so that when I was falling back into those fear patterns and those beliefs, I had something I could look at that was pretty hard to argue with. And so when you're looking through a list of 20 or 30 or even 40 reasons why your old beliefs just don't hold up anymore, it really led me into a visceral understanding that I could change those beliefs and those thoughts and that there was proof to support that.

I love so much that you took an inventory, a real radical visceral inventory of what was really working for you. Because you're right. When we see it on paper, when we remind ourselves, I loved, as you put it, evidence. That is the key. That is the one that actually directs us in a different path. And on your path, has there been a mantra or a message that might guide you? I mean, now you help women find real food, vibrant health and healing intuition through dietary and spiritual practices. But before then, and even maybe some points in the future, we all experience moments of, oh, my gosh, I'm in the not knowing right now. What do you tell yourself? What's a mantra or a message that you might repeat when you find yourself in that space?

Yeah, Such a great question, because I think that is such an important part of where we're at. You know, it's like, you know, through my journey, I tell people I let go of anxiety, but through that, it was the mantra of just leaning into it. Before, it had always been about getting rid of or mastering or conquering these scary, negative emotions or uncomfortable feelings or moments and changes in life that just felt uncertain. And now. So the mantra that I really try to live by and kind of try to help other people get comfortable with is just lean into it. You know, every time there's uncomfortable emotion that arises in regards to, like, some situation or moment in time where I feel uncomfortable, now I know there's something bigger in there for me. And that leaning into it is just one step closer to the freedom that I crave the most. I spent a long time running from myself and my emotions and my fears. A long time. And now I recognize that if I can wade into that darkness, into that scary place, you know, usually I. Not usually every time I come out realizing that what I thought was in there, that was so scary, just really wasn't. You know, I kind of tell people it's like turning on the lights and finding out that the monsters in your room were really just coat hanger shadows.

What's something about you that people can connect to that you don't usually talk about? I mean, you've mentioned some really opening things, some heart opening things already, but what's something about you that you normally don't discuss that we all can connect to as we walk our path?

So one of the things that I've been really into lately and trying to kind of, I guess get out there for people is that I struggled really deeply with finding, you know, self love and self compassion through this whole journey. It's not something that I shared in the beginning, but now I really try to because. So it was one of those things where I hated my anxiety and I hated my physical symptoms, but I hated even more that I was that way. So I was in this really state of shame and guilt and just feeling really weak and broken and unlovable. And I don't think a lot of people recognize that now because they're meeting me at the end of not the end of my journey, but they're meeting me in a really good place. They're meeting me when the clouds have kind of lifted. And I think it's really central to a lot of our stories. I think a lot of us have this really gnarly journey into self love. And I think it's important for people to recognize that that's okay. Your unfolding doesn't have to look like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. It can feel a little bit more like you got hit by a truck at times.

Sure.

So I think that that's something that people don't always see, but that I really passionate about sharing at this point in my life because it's become really central to my own healing.

We talk so much on the full length episodes for Wellness Force about Joseph Campbell, the hero's journey. Follow your bliss. That's one of his. And I think it's true what I've seen with clients a lot, if someone's hating their job, they're hating their relationship, they're hating their body. They're hating everything. There's a lot of tension and a lot of turmoil there, and it builds up over time. What would you say for you made the difference? What thresholds did you cross looking back, that really fueled your fire to do what you do now?

Yeah, that's such a good segue, because, you know, it's true. I was very much in that space of hating. I mean, everything. I hated my anxiety. I hated my symptoms. I hated my job. I hated my friends, my family. I mean, you can tell. Yeah, it was just this really, really terrible space. And I remember there was this moment where it was Christmas of, like, I believe, 2013, and my whole family was up on the ski resort, and they were having this great time, and I was stuck in the middle of, like, my third panic attack for the day and just hating life. And I ended up making my family drive me home down the mountain. And I crawled under the covers, and I was so furious. I was so furious. I was so angry at myself. I was so angry at my life. And I. Something in me, just like this fire was raging in my brain and my body, and I just remember thinking, like, I am done. I'm done with this. And so I picked up Rob Wolf's book, the Paleo Solution, and I read it, like, cover to cover that evening, and then again and again and again, and I started implementing these little, you know, nutritional things. So for me, it started in nutrition, and I started implementing that in my life and realizing that I really did have the power to control my circumstances. And from there, it kind of led me into this deeper journey because I sort of stalled out with nutrition and exercise and sleep and those really tangible aspects. And then I really had to move into a space of more energetic and vibrational healing and kind of jumping into the emotional behavioral changes that needed to take place in order for me to kind of finish up what was left over. So, yeah, I mean, that was kind of the transformational point for me was this place of nutrition. But that really spurred it into something deeper, into that deeper journey to the internal.

Yes. And it's funny how one book can change our whole life, isn't it?

I mean, it's like, oh, life changing.

The right message at the right time can make the biggest difference in our world. And it's funny, we could have heard a message 52 times before, but on that 53rd time, just because of whatever we were. Space. And it obviously hits. It hits all of a sudden. So I love that you said that. As parting guidance Here, someone's listening. They're feeling inspired. From what you're saying, they want to take some type of inspired action this weekend that's going to give them better wellness. What's that one thing? I mean, what's one thing they can do from hearing your story and sharing your lessons?

So one of the most powerful shifts I ever made, like, in the beginning of my healing, was learning that thoughts are just thoughts. And that seems kind of like, well, yeah, duh. But it was news to me in the very beginning. I very much believe that my thoughts came, like, from somewhere outside of myself and that I had no power to control them, essentially, especially when I was feeling fearful or stressed. And so the best way that I have found to kind of like, throw a wrench in negative thoughts and fear is through a mindfulness meditation practice. So it's something. You know, we tend to view meditation as a really spiritual practice. And it is. It absolutely is. But I think it's also an incredibly healing and soothing to our nervous system. So it's this great modality that we can use to stop the flow of. Of negative momentum, and it allows our brains and bodies to sort of just take a beat. So I tell people all the time, you know, start with like, five minutes, start with five minutes. If that's all you can do, that's fine. It's more about the consistency. And as we learn to step back from that chaos and become an observer of all the thoughts that are going on inside our heads, you know, it's from that place that we can kind of choose a new route. And it seems like this really small shift, but it is incredibly powerful in my experience.

And when you do the meditation, you can gather new evidence or you can have the space too. So I love that. Where can we learn more about you? How can this wellness force community support you?

Yeah, so they can find me over on my website. It's just www.cyanawan.com. and I'm also over on Instagram with a pretty fun little community. You know, we talk health, nutrition, recipes, insights, kind of just all things health and wellness. So those are kind of the two places that I'm at the most right now.

And what do you think of wellness now in your life in this phase? What's wellness to you?

I love that question because it's so. I do feel like it's something that's unique to all of us. But for me, over the last couple years and through working with other people, I have come to believe that wellness is less about the science and the facts and the actions and more about loving yourself so deeply that you can't imagine treating your body or your mind in a way that doesn't line up with that and building the confidence to recognize that wellness is whatever makes you feel really, really good. And I know that seems simple, but there's a thousand different ideas about what wellness could be. And so it's kind of tuning into and finding the one that works for you and just running with it.

Cyana, thanks so much for coming on Wellness Force Friday. We'll be following you for the rest of the year.

Thank you for having me. It was such a pleasure.

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