You Attract What You Reject + The Art of Forgiveness

The opposite of pride is vulnerability. And when you bring up this word courage, which is really quite a beautiful word, the core of courage is cour in French or corazon in Spanish, which is heart. And when you bring up the word forgiveness, a lack of forgiveness, which really is the vehicle of rejection because we can't let something go. And, you know, in the book, I talk a lot about the importance of not rejecting or excluding the members in our family, even though they were alcoholics, or our dad, our granddad, hurt our mom or grandfather or grandmother. Because when we reject another, many things happen. It's almost mystical in the way, you know, because what we try to push away inside us on a subterranean level continues. So it continues, for example, if we reject our parents, we unconsciously reject that behavior in that parent inside ourselves. And then we can't see when we're the same because we've disowned it. We can't see when we're cold or distant like that parent. And it expresses in us unconsciously not only that, but when we reject that parent for being cold or distant, what do we do? But we pull in a partner who's cold or distant, who plays it out for us. We actually pull in a partner who mirrors the same thing, because we're not allowed to reject or exclude anything. You know, that's the. The wall we keep hitting into, which is really saying, don't hit, get permeable, become vulnerable. So we either pull in a partner who does the same thing to us, or we take. We pull in a good partner, but then we make them distant or cold because we're like this.

Yeah.

Hyper vigilant and shut down. And after a while, the partner says, what? And stops trusting us. So we can turn a. A good partner bad, in a sense, through our hyper vigilance and our lack of trust. But. But I think most importantly here, Josh, is if we reject a parent, let's say, for treating us poorly, we often treat that child, part of us, the same way we feel we were treated. For example, if the parent couldn't be gentle with us or they. They ignored us, we can't be gentle with us. We ignore that child, part of us. We do to ourselves what they believe they've done to us. If the parent was critical or aggressive, we become self critical or inwardly aggressive. Yeah, I mean, you know, I've seen.

That come up my own life. And what was really unique when I was going through your book, and I'm so excited too, because my partner is actually gonna be going deep into your Work in your program, which I know this podcast, we're going to be linking information about your program in the show Notes of this show. It's near and dear to my heart. Because like everything you're saying, Mark, for the past three minutes, it was just like, boom, boom, boom. It was just hitting me because that is exactly what. What I've pulled in. I've pulled in this partner that's allowed me to see where I'm not free and whatever my projections are and how I haven't healed my relationship with my father and how I get to do that. It's been like this recurring theme, and the thing that hit me the most that I know everybody feels that is we cannot reject something in our parent without actually seeing that within ourselves. We're rejecting ourselves as we're rejecting our parents. And the courage, in my opinion, that you spoke so eloquently, was the. The heart, the corazon. Like, that's a. That's a really tricky road for people to walk, because I think what we all fear, or I'll speak for myself, is like going back to the well one more time to a parent, to a father, to a mother, and saying, I love you, I forgive you. Here was my experience, and I just want to move forward with you. And then having them reject you again, I think that is. Is what everyone's most afraid of is like, when I'm super vulnerable and I open up as an empowered masculine being. Don't hurt me again.

Yeah, so I want to. I want to talk about that. You know, first of all, I want to say, you know, we never throw ourselves in front of a moving train. You know, if our parents are not able to meet us where we are, and we can't stand the flame, we can't stand the fire. Do the work inwardly first. You know, you don't have to go back to your parents. You can do it through visualization because the brain doesn't know what. Where the healing is coming from. You know, often people that can't heal with their parents in real time, you know, from my book, I'll have them use a photograph or. And, you know, one of the pieces of work I'll have somebody do with a mother with whom they're not attached and they're rageful with the mother because this attachment was broken. I might have them put the photograph behind their left shoulder at night as they sleep. And, you know, it's like, mom, we can't do this in real life. But at night, hey, mom, please hold me when I'm sleeping so I can, you know, become. Be whole or complete or safe in my body. Teach me how to trust your love, how to receive it, how to let it in without taking care of you. Just receiving. We can do the work without seeing our parents. We really can at first. But then, if we're doing well, take the show on the road and then work with your parents in real life. That's important. But there's another thing, too.

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