A short conversational clip from a YouTube video by Wendie Trubow in which speakers discuss prioritizing and "scheduling" intimacy in long-term relationships. They argue that scheduling sex/intimacy is not inherently unsexy because early-stage relationships often implicitly schedule encounters (dates), and that intentionally making space for intimacy after combining households can preserve desire and excitement.
Chapters
So when you look at your relationship, the, the way you feed it is the way it's going to look. So, so it's important to prioritize it.
Exactly, exactly. And, and people sometimes resist, like when I say, oh, start scheduling sex and start scheduling intimacy, it's really like, it's people like, well, I don't want to do that. It's not hot if it's not spontaneous. But the argument that I give over and over for that is if we go back to like the new relationship energy when people are dating, what a lot of people don't realize in the relationship in the beginning and is that everybody was scheduling it, it's like, oh, we finally have our third date on Tuesday and we get ourselves super gussied up and are we going to make out or are we going to do this? And then we have another date and are we going to have sex for the first time? And so oftentimes in the beginning we are because we're not seeing this person all the time. Anytime we see them, we are orienting to, oh, we are likely going to engage in some intimate or pleasure filled activity. We're getting our mind around it, we're making space for it, and in many ways we're really scheduling it. It's on the calendar as like this date. Right? And so it's only when we combine our households, we combine our schedules, we combine our lives that most people stop scheduling it. And then we don't want to schedule it because it feels like, hey, this isn't sexy, this isn't spontaneous. But the fact of the matter is, back when things were in that new relationship energy, we were actually scheduling it. So it's just a reorientation there for people of like, this can still be scheduled and still be incredibly hot.
