#46 Let's Talk Relationships with Priscilla Rodriguez of Modern Wellness Counseling

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Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We are here with Priscilla Rodriguez of Modern Wellness Counseling., and I'm just going to turn it over to her so she can introduce herself a little bit further and talk about her work.

Thank you so much for having me here. So my name is Priscilla Rodriguez. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, and I'm the owner of Modern Wellness Counseling. We are an online group practice, so we specialize in working with couples as well as with engaged couples who, you know, are looking for premarital counseling services, and then also work with people who are experiencing anxiety, low body image issues, self-esteem. So yeah, all everything that we do is online, and we also offer online courses as well for people who may not feel comfortable doing therapy or maybe live outside of the state of Texas but still want to receive some services from us.

Yeah, no, that's great. And I know our working mom listeners could probably benefit from all of those services one way or another, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. So how did you get into counseling and, and what kind of made you wanna go in the direction of couples?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So in college I started off with wanting to be a doctor. I started with pre-med biology. It was great until I had to take O-Chem and I was like, okay, yeah, I'm not doing this.

Yeah.

So I was trying to figure out, okay, what else can I do that wouldn't let go of all the courses that I had already taken? And then fell into human development and family sciences. And I just fell in love with my first course when it came to relationship studies. I became a research assistant when it came to we did a lot of research on studying cortisol levels in individuals whenever they were arguing with their partner. And I was just like, oh my God, I need to do more of this. So I started doing research with couples back in 2010. And then, you know, it's fourth year of college, and like, okay, what am I gonna do after college? So that's when I fell into marriage counseling and couples counseling and really wanted to focus in on, okay, how can I still help people, because that's kind of what I wanted to do still, like when I was going to be a doctor, like I want to help, I want to kind of give back. So I found counseling and kind of went from there.

Yeah, so yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I think it's interesting that the science of even like the cortisol level changes and that kind of thing, the science of that kind of brought you, you know, here. Yeah, so maybe still just an almost doctor by heart, right? Yeah, well, that's great. So you see couples virtually, and I feel That's been so beneficial. We've seen that in so many other industries, especially like post-COVID.

Yeah.

Um, and so when someone's coming to you for, I guess at that point they've already decided like, hey, now might be the time to go talk to somebody, you know, would get some counseling.

Mm-hmm.

What does that like initial conversation look like? Like how do you kind of feel out what, what's going on there?

Yeah. So a lot of times when couples come, I mean, well, anytime any client's gonna start, we give them some initial paperwork and kind of wanna hear from them first. Like what is it that they wanna be working on? Very general responses though, especially when it comes to couples. It's like improve communication, improve connection, and— or sometimes it's like, I feel like we're roommates, you know, we've— we go through the day-to-day and it just feels kind of like plateau, right? The romance is gone, maybe. So when I work with couples, I really look at their interaction and kind of what keeps them stuck, because sometimes a couple may say, we always argue about You know, for instance, house chores or parenting. So I kind of look at that, but then go further into, okay, well, let's back up a little bit and kind of see that cycle. Because chances are how you argue about parenting is also how you argue about money, is also how you argue about sex, is also how you argue. So we kind of look at the cycle and what keeps them stuck. So that's called emotionally focused therapy. And that's kind of my approach when working with couples. Especially so that way we can kind of break those cycles. So whenever they do get caught back up into something that's like, hey, you know what, I don't like the way we're treating each other or how I feel treated, then kind of look back on, okay, what is the role that I'm playing in this interaction? And then they can have more of that sense of like autonomy and control. I think a lot of times when people start counseling, there's this helpless feeling of, I feel lost, I don't know how I got here, what's going on, help, right? So it's a matter of like giving them those tools, and that's kind of how I how I do that in my practice and other clinicians as well.

Yeah, no, that's great. And so do you feel like— I mean, I, I just feel like maybe a lot of it does stem from the way that people communicate with each other, you know? Maybe they're saying one thing but they're saying it in a way that maybe isn't the nicest, or, you know, that kind of thing. And, and you have to kind of go into that part of it.

Yeah, so a lot of it does fall back on communication. And then even backing up a little bit more, kind of more in like a rooted issue is also like attachment. Um, so sometimes it's driven from like this fear of, I'm afraid you're gonna leave me, so this is why I like am constantly asking you questions, because I— if I get a response, I at least know that you care.

Yeah, right. Or yeah, that makes sense.

Or maybe I'm like constantly shutting down because I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing and it's just going to lead to an argument. I don't want an argument. Yeah, let me just shut down. But then their partner thinks you don't even care, right? So, so it does fall into communication, but also their attachment as well, like internally. Um, and this is kind of what we dig and kind of explore together, so that way once they're done with counseling, they have that awareness. Yeah, themselves and, and their interaction with their partner.

Yeah, for sure. And I'm sure this is different for everybody, but is there like a certain duration of time that you typically recommend someone would try counseling just to Yeah, yeah.

So it— you're right, it's kind of just dependent on what's going on, right? I get some couples where they've unfortunately have experienced so many things. I'm like, why now? Yeah, they're like, this is the last thing before we get a divorce. I'm like, oh great, yeah, pressure. Um, and then other couples, you know, especially with premarital counseling, come in and they're like, we just want to make sure we're on the— like, you know, have all the tools and we're ready to go. And I'm like, oh yes, like this is what you need.

Yes.

But for a couple who sometimes comes in and they've already experienced some issues, I normally would say like give it at least 6 to 8 sessions. Like at least to at least start one for me to catch up, right? Or for your clinician to catch up on what's going on, especially if it's been ongoing for years. You know, a 75-minute intake session isn't going to solve a lot. It's just going to bring it all up to the surface and kind of be like, okay, let's kind of organize what we're doing moving forward.

Right.

Typically research shows around like 15 sessions is kind of a good mark. So that's normally, what's that, like almost 4 months if you're going weekly.

Yeah.

So it's kind of this piece of just the consistency is more of the importance and also what do you do in between the sessions.

Right. So you're basically like kind of advising and helping them learn tools that they can use not just when they're in a session with you, but that they can use, you know, at home and stuff so they can continue building that growth.

Yeah.

Um, and kind of trying to heal their relationship.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's great. We all need those tools.

Yeah.

I feel like everyone should be talking to you.

Yeah.

Um, well, we sometimes will ask for different scenarios, like if you could give any tips, what, what do you feel like when you're talking to your clients? What are some tips that you feel like you could advise a couple, like on how to kind of keep a strong connection? Do you feel like, yeah.

Yeah, I think, I mean, there's this piece of constantly, you know, there's— it's very cliché, right? Like dating each other, right? Thinking about that a lot where I'm like, oh, who has time? Yeah, like, can I date? I know after having my kids, I'm like, oh yeah, date night? Like, when?

Yeah.

But I think it's just finding these little moments of intentionality. You know, it can be that you're actually stopping and giving your partner an actual kiss versus just like a quick peck. Before they leave to work or when they get home, maybe it can be this piece that, hey, you know what, we're actually gonna put our phones away and have a conversation and make eye contact versus, yeah, let me grab this diaper. Yeah, you're over there in the other room and you're also cooking and grab the kid before they fall off the sofa.

Right.

And you're trying to have this like in-depth conversation, right?

Oh my gosh.

You're not gonna feel heard or connected in those moments. So I think it really is just the intentionality of understanding that, hey, in this timeframe from 5 to 7, it's wild, right? Yeah. It's homework, it's dinner, it's bath time. And giving yourself that grace and then asking yourself, okay, when are we actually going to take time for us to connect? Because I think sometimes what I hear from couples who come in is like, oh yeah, I do get me time. I go and play with my kids. I play my video games and I go and watch my TV show and I go and read my book and then I go to bed and then my partner comes to bed at 2:00 AM and it's like, yeah, when do you spend time together? Yes. And it's like, oh, that one day of the month. And I'm like, okay, well yes, this is, yeah, this is why you're here.

I feel like as a society, like especially in the last, maybe it's like a, again, post-COVID thing.

Yeah.

But I feel like we've been kind of like told like you need to have you time, like you need to do things for you and we do and you should. But then you're not really also taking into account that other person. Sometimes, you know, it's like, okay, well they're saying I need to be working and they're saying, you know, I need to be spending time with my kids and I've gotta do this me time stuff. And it's like, well, when is there the time for this other person?

Right, right. Yeah. I have this, it's a really, when I give to couples, it's like how to spend like 5 hours, like fit in 6 hours, like 5 to 6 hours in the week of intentionality.

Yeah.

And it breaks it down into like 5 minutes here, 2 minutes here, like 3 minutes there. Because it, I think sometimes people think even like with me time, it's like, Oh, I don't have time or money to go to the spa every week.

It's like, sure.

Oh no, that's not what we're talking about, right? Yeah. The same thing with the date, right? Like maybe going on a date night isn't realistic, but you can make intentional, you know, be very intentional with the time that you spend with your partner. And it doesn't have to be 3 hours at a time, right? It can be 2 minutes here. There's a thing called a 6-second kiss and that how powerful that can be for a relationship. And again, it's 6 seconds, right? Like, yeah, you know, it's, it's very doable. It's more of, do I want to do that? And is that kind of a priority for me in this moment?

Yeah, that's really good tips and advice. Honestly, we, we can just take 6 seconds, or we can just take a couple of minutes. It's just like being cognizant, I guess, of the fact that we need to do those things.

Yeah.

Huh. Well, now you got me thinking about my, about my own day. Well, so also I feel like I mean, as moms, there is a certain level of mom guilt and different things like that. Do you find that that sometimes comes into play in terms of these like relationship counseling sessions that you have with couples?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. I think a lot of times there's what I hear many times from moms, especially if they are working or even stay-at-home moms, there's this like mental overload, right?

Yeah.

It's like this, like, I have to carry so much. I'm the one who makes the doctor's appointments, has to figure out, plan the groceries and, you know, all the meals and go pick that up and do the laundry, right? So a lot of chores and kind of tasks fall.

Yeah.

On moms.

Right.

And I think this is something that I also talk with couples because sometimes a husband or the, you know, female partner will come home. It's like, oh, like they don't want to connect with me or they don't want to have sex with me. Or, and it's like the other person is just like, I am like spent. Yeah, I don't have nothing else to give, right? So I think there's that piece of— then they feel guilty, like you mentioned, is like, okay, like, here, here I am, I'm still not doing enough. So then we start talking about sense of worth and, you know, how you value yourself, right? So I think there's this piece of— for couples to really be on the same page of everything that needs to get done and kind of delegating roles, not Necessarily being a task rabbit of like, oh yeah, like, can you make that appointment? Right. Because that's still on you.

Yeah.

And then you're like, did you make the appointment? Like, what time is the appointment?

Right. So then at that point, you might as well have just done it yourself because, you know, you're asking all these questions.

Yeah. So it really is like getting things off your plate and together having that conversation of this is everything that needs to be done and this is what you're responsible for and this is what I'm responsible for. And if we need to take turns or I need to ask for help, do it, right? Yeah. Like sometimes life can just be really hard sometimes and it can just be overwhelming. So sometimes asking your partner like, hey, I need help with this.

Yeah. I mean, I know in my personal relationship sometimes it will be like, you know, well, I needed help with that thing. And my husband might say, well, you didn't ask me for help.

Mm-hmm.

And then I'm like, well, you should know that I need help. Yeah. And then it's like, again, it probably goes back to communication.

Yeah.

Right? Like I could have just said like, hey, can you help me with that thing?

Mm-hmm.

But then you start working yourself up and you're like, you know, Why don't they know that I need this help? Don't they see how busy I am? You know?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I know. I'm— I think we're all guilty of that.

Yeah.

You know, where it's like not even a counselor, right? Yeah. Sometimes I catch myself, I'm like, okay, I should be like, okay, this is obviously not helping me, not helping the relationship. So yeah, it's having to like catch yourself sometimes.

Yeah. We— before you got here today, uh, I was chatting with one of our coworkers here and she's a a financial coach. And she actually asked for your information because she said a lot of her clients, she feels like could benefit from that, from having a counselor because of like issues with finance and like maybe disagreeing. Do you find that a lot in your, in your line of work?

Yeah. With couples that have been married for a very long time and something I always also talk with premarital couples or engaged couples is knowing the meaning of money. So sometimes it's not just creating a budget and how much money is coming in and how much money is going out, but also what does money mean to each individual.

Yeah.

Because I think if a couple is able to understand, okay, when I spend $5 on this one apple, yeah, they— my partner always says like, oh, you're just spending so much money. And I was like, well, it's a good organic fresh apple, right? Like, it's gonna be good for me. So like being able to know like, okay, value maybe where food is being sourced from. I value, you know, what I put in my body. I value it, right? So they kind of know like the meaning behind it. It can be so much easier to be on the same page and being able to support each other versus kind of attacking or kind of being nitpicky as to like, why are you spending money on that? Yeah. Um, and I've heard the same thing too with like, you know, vacations. Oh, we spent so much money on vacation, but then we come home and you say like, you don't have money to go out to eat.

Yeah.

And it's like, well, like for one person they value that experience, but at home they're like, yeah, I'm fine with just some chicken and rice.

Right.

So it's like knowing like kind of the meaning and value behind like money being spent and what does that mean for them.

Yeah. No, that makes sense. And I get, I mean, I guess ideally you would have those conversations perhaps before you got married.

Mm-hmm.

But sometimes that doesn't happen.

Right, right.

And then you're married and so you've gotta kind of do those things and have those conversations.

Yeah.

And then I wonder what happens though, if you just fundamentally don't value the same things. Mm-hmm. Like then you've gotta kind of work towards it. And I imagine that's part of your job is helping people, yeah. You know, work towards that.

Right, right. It's really just sometimes understanding or accepting.

Yeah.

That there are these differences and sometimes couples enjoy those differences at the beginning of a relationship. Like, ooh, this is, you know, they're so, they're so different. They complete me. Yeah.

They're interesting.

Yeah. They're interesting. And all of a sudden you're like, I hate that.

Yeah. This seems less interesting now. Yeah.

Like you're not doing it like me. And sometimes it is just like accepting the other person. Yeah. Because I'm not— it falls into this piece of I need to change and now I'm not who I am just because you're saying I need to change. And for you it's bad, but I've been doing this my whole life.

Right.

So it can go back to the sense of identity and, you know, then we have a whole other cascade of things.

Then a new therapy session just for that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. There, I mean, there really is a lot that goes into it. It sounds like a lot of it is like Based on transparency.

Mm-hmm.

You know, like I feel like I know couples that like maybe they keep their money in separate bank accounts. Mm-hmm. And like for, we personally don't, we have one bank account, but I just, I feel like there's less transparency when you do that. Yeah. And then that may cause more strife.

Right.

Regarding the money side of things as well. Yeah. And so I'm sure those are conversations that you probably have to have.

Absolutely. Yeah. Transparency, vulnerability can be really hard and scary. Yeah, especially if you didn't grow up with that, or, you know, maybe in a past relationship you got hurt because of the transparency and vulnerability. Sure. So it's sometimes having to kind of work through those individual pieces as well.

Yeah.

But together kind of being like, okay, you know what, we're a team, we each have our own strengths, and how to— how can we come together as a team versus like, I'm gonna win. I don't know what you'll win, but yeah, there's that argument too, like, right, I'm winning and they're losing.

Yeah. For sure.

Yeah. Yeah.

And you do everything virtually.

Mm-hmm.

Do you find that people are maybe more open virtually than they are in person or the opposite? Or, or what do you think? Because I know some people might feel uncomfortable, like at least initially, like sharing their whole lives with like a stranger, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good question. I feel like I haven't noticed a, a big difference.

Yeah.

I feel like it's been pretty consistent. I used to do a lot of in-person primarily. Prior to COVID. My end goal was virtual, and then COVID helped me get there.

Yeah, but fast track.

Yeah, yeah. So it— I would say that it's, if anything, it's more helpful because you're able to be consistent. I had a lot of cancellations prior when I was doing in-person. Oh, that's, you know, oh, traffic, or I'm running late, work came up, whatever it is.

I just don't want to talk about that thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think with the consistency of online counseling, there's also that ability to just feel more comfortable faster and to be a little bit more open, you know, faster. I think it's very normal for a first session to be like nervous and anxious of like, oh, I'm not gonna go into that deep-rooted thing that I've been holding on to my whole life.

Yeah.

But once, you know, and I kind of tell clients that too, like, hey, like, I'm meeting you where, where you need to be at this moment. And, you know, I'm not gonna say like 'Hey, you should be doing this already. It's session number 3.' Right. Because that's not helpful.

Yeah, I feel like maybe initially— well, if it was me, I feel like initially I would maybe feel like I would have to be like passing some kind of a test, right?

Right.

And like, that's not what's happening, but it just would feel that way at first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I think that's— I've gotten that before too, where some people are like, 'I just want to be your best client.' I'm like, 'No one's being graded.' Who am I? Yeah, yeah, you need to impress me. Like, you know, this is all for you.

How funny. But I think that's just like such a natural thing. Yeah. Right? Like you go into a professional's office and you're like, I'm really not that messed up. Right? Like, are you want— everything's like kind of okay. Right? Like they want that sort of like confirmation. Mm-hmm. And it's like, we just need to get to know each other.

Yeah.

How funny.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, well, as working moms, we know that like having a solid support system mm-hmm. Is important. And that maybe is your partner. Mm-hmm. But it maybe is, you know, people around you.

Mm-hmm.

How important do you feel like that is for women and how do you think having a solid support affects maybe their marital relationship or partner relationship?

Yeah, I think it's vital, especially, you know, having support system for your relationship too. So, you know, having a support system, you know, in working moms, like I have found like a great support system and just like, hey, people support my goals, right? So I'm much more likely to kind of be focused. So if you kind of expand that a little bit to like a bigger circle, it's like, Okay, people also support my marriage and relationship. So that means like I have people cheering me on, right? So it can be easier to maybe attend events together or kind of do things together, or to talk about your business with your partner. Hey, hey, I met this like new— another like businesswoman. And yeah, with your partner, right? So I think there's kind of this like, um, you get more awareness into the person's life when you have this support system kind of in your relationship and out of your relationship. Sure. So, you know, support systems are so important to feel connected. There's a lot of— going back to the science piece, right? Like, you, you know, higher, um, immune system, you know, there's less cortisol, right? There's like— if we go down to just like our biology, it's super helpful to you to have a support system and people close to you. So I think it's, it's really important.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we think so.

Yeah.

I'm so interested about like this cortisol level. You hear about it now even on the TikToks and all the things, you know, people are doing these like yoga exercises and things to like lower, I guess it's what, like a stress hormone or something that, that happens. And obviously when you're maybe not in a great place in your relationship, the stress is higher. And so these levels are higher. Mm-hmm. What does that do to a person physically?

So many things.

Yeah.

Aging. Yeah, happens faster. You're more likely to get sick. You're— if you have a cut or a wound or you're trying to heal from a surgery, it takes longer. Difficulty—

that's amazing—

like concentrating. There's difficulty, you know, staying focused and being able to actually like meet a goal. Like just more irritability. So there's a lot of like inside out, like it goes all the way down to like a cell cellular level.

Wow, that's wild.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. And when you have like a really cool study that I haven't— I forgot the name of it, but they had couples, one person doing like an MRI, and they kind of looked at brain waves and also had their partner holding their hand. They did one holding their hand, then one group without their partner holding the hand, and the person who like they were— had their partner there, like this like physical touch and comfort and support, like didn't feel like as scared and wasn't feeling like as much pain. Um, I forgot exactly the name of that.

I haven't looked at it honestly like, yeah, 8 years, but, but it shows the importance of that relationship.

Yeah. And just that like closeness and connection, how important it is. Um, so yeah, so it's really fascinating.

It's so interesting. So I mean, we all need to have lower stress levels and to do that, it sounds like, you know, having a good baseline for your relationship is helpful.

Right, right. Yeah.

Do you have any like go-to exercises that you could maybe share in terms of like keeping that open flow of communication that you recommend your clients?

Yeah, I think a big one is sometimes just asking your partner like, hey, what are some struggles you have right now and how can I help you? Because I think sometimes we ask, how was your day? And the response is, oh, it's good. Oh, it's busy. Yeah, it was a lot. And then it ends. Yeah. So I think sometimes if you ask like a little bit more in-depth question and also kind of ask like, how can I help you? It kind of opens up that door too of like the role that maybe you're playing. And sometimes the way you can help is just by listening, right? Doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to go into their job and solve their issue or, you know, whatever it is. But sometimes it is just being there as a support system. But I think that's like sometimes a good exercise too that I share with couples. And then I also have like a really fun, like, activity that's called, like, the Love Maps piece when it comes for couples to just stay connected.

Yeah.

Because I know sometimes, like I mentioned earlier, with the day-to-day, with being so busy, it's so— it can be so easy to fall into the sense of, hey, we're drifting apart, we're just roommates at this point. You know, we have to keep our kid alive and that's about it.

Yeah, it does feel that way sometimes, you know, the busier you get, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And then as the kids get older and they have their own social lives and things like, yeah, it can be really hard to sometimes maintain that connection. So very similar to how you update your phone, it seems like there's always an update. Yeah. So it's very similar to update your phone or so you don't get lost or you're getting, you know, constant, you know, great like notifications on your phone or apps and whatnot. We have to do that with our relationships. So I have a fun activity called Love Maps and it's It's always like a fun one that I enjoy doing with my, with my husband too, cuz we change as people.

Yeah.

So if we only do it like when we're dating, obviously a decade into your relationship, being parents now, having new jobs, it's, yeah. Yeah. You're not the same person when you were first getting to know your partner.

Yeah. No, that's absolutely true. And that love maps, I know before we started the podcast you had mentioned that you had something that you could share with the listeners and that was the love maps, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it's a, it's a download, it's a worksheet, or I guess a little workbook that couples can do together. And you answer your questions, you know, you answer a set of questions for yourself, your partner answers them, and then y'all kind of see where y'all both land. Like, did you get your partner's responses? So ask, for example, like, my favorite color is red, my, and my partner's favorite color is blue. So you kind of go through the whole quiz.

Yeah.

And then you have a chance to ask each other and be like, oh, what? I didn't realize you're 'My favorite color is now green because our son's eyes are green,' or, you know, whatever. So like, yeah, you know, so it's— it can just be like a moment to learn about your partner again.

Oh my gosh, I bet like the responses would be very interesting. Yeah, you know, you might not know all the things that you think you know, right? Yeah, yeah, how funny. Well, we like to ask our guests usually what one of their favorite things is about what you do, and I'm curious— I'm sure you have many— yeah, but I'm curious what some of the favorite things that you do in your work are.

Mm-hmm. So I think a big piece is whenever I see that, like, light bulb in, like, clients where they're like, oh, this is what I'm doing. It could be like session 6 and 7 and where we're like, like, okay, I've been saying this like the whole time, but they finally like get it.

Yeah.

And I think it's in that moment where I'm like, okay, like, you know, they got it. Like, it feels great to know that I helped them in that journey to get there and just seeing like these transformations with either individuals or with couples, you know, that they're experiencing. Because it can be sometimes these like moments of like, we've been stuck for so many years or for so many months and we didn't have to go through all this emotional pain. And now I understand and now we can do something different moving forward.

Yeah.

So I think it's just like those moments are, are like definitely worth it. And so my favorite moments that I experience with them.

Oh my gosh, I can only imagine. I mean, I feel like for whatever reason, there's like this stigma around like getting help, like getting counseling and getting help. Um, and so I can only imagine it feels wonderful when you have a client that's like, oh, we should have done this a long time ago.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I just think people feel like, okay, well it hasn't gotten to that stage yet.

Right.

Or like, you know, when, when, you know, do we need to go see somebody? And, and so do you, I mean, do you have any sort of like sign, like when, I guess it's different for everybody, so that's probably a tough one, but like, are there times where you're like, maybe this would be the time that like someone would go see somebody, a counselor, in their relationship?

Yeah, I think a big one is just when you notice yourself not wanting to open up.

Yeah.

And sometimes it can just be shame or guilt or embarrassment. I know a big one is like guilt is like, oh, like I see my partner really stressed out, so I don't want to put more on their plate. Like, yeah, I'm just gonna hold on to it. And moms and women do that much more often. So I think it's that moment of like when you're starting to kind of hold back information, because at the end of the day, the person who's feeling alone and kind of just like lost sometimes is the person holding that information, right?

Right.

Because the other person may not understand or may not know. Um, months and years can go by and they can be like, why didn't you tell me? Or like, I had no idea you felt that way, right? So then it can just be this huge divide that just begins to grow and grow and grow. So I think that's always like a really good like sign is like, hey, you know what, like I'm choosing not to open up. And it's like, okay, maybe, maybe you are really busy that day, right?

Yeah.

You know, we just had Halloween, so it's like maybe talking about this right before we go trick-or-treating is not the good time, right?

Yeah.

But then you notice yourself doing that like for a couple of weeks and now a couple of months and now it's, you know, so it's this piece that you're holding on and what's happening that it's— you're not giving yourself permission to open up.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's so interesting. That's a good point to probably go seek out some help. Mm-hmm. You know, when you feel like you can't kind of let out your emotions. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but I guess in that way, it seems to me that there— if I was— I'm not a therapist, but if, but if I was, it would seem to me that in that moment, that person does still care for that other person. Mm-hmm. Because they're not wanting to burden them.

Right.

You know, they're not beyond repair, I suppose.

Right, right. Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think it's that part is that they have to sometimes hear from the other person, like, yeah, yeah, I am busy. Yeah, I do come home stressed, but you're still a priority for me. And I do want to hear what's happening for you.

Right, right.

So, because sometimes they may not hear that on, you know, how often are you saying that to your partner?

Right.

On a daily basis. Like, yeah, I'm here for you. Like, please open up to me when I'm really tired or stressed out. Right.

Like, yeah, nobody's saying that.

Right. Yeah. So, so there's that sometimes that part is that they need to get that like reassurance and validation that, okay, my stress, my pain matters.

Yeah.

Because sometimes we're just attending to the crying toddler, right? Like, you know, throwing the tantrum or, you know, whatever may be happening in that moment, which, you know, makes sense. But yeah, sometimes it's that part of being able to hear that for sure.

And I just feel like too, it's so beneficial sometimes. I, you know, we mentioned earlier some people might not want to like share their whole lives with a stranger, but sometimes you need to talk to somebody that's like outside outside of like your immediate like sphere. You know, you can go to your parents or, you know, your friends or whatever, but they know your spouse, you know, and they might not feel comfortable opening up, or, you know, or they might open up too much and like unsolicited, you know, which can sometimes happen. So I think there's a benefit there as well.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

And I think there's sometimes that piece, like I talked about support. So maybe, you know, for instance, I also work a lot with couples who maybe have experienced betrayal or some sort of infidelity So they're opening up to a sister or a best friend. Well, now this other person's not going to like your partner as well. And if you make things work, there's going to be this weird—

oh, true. Yeah, right.

So now your sister, your best friend may be like, I also need an apology right now. I'm angry at him or her, right? So there's kind of that piece too where it can be uncomfortable. Yes.

Oh my gosh, that sounds so complicated. It just keeps getting more and more complicated if you don't get the If you don't get the help you need, right?

Right, right. So, and it, it's so important to obviously address the situation and get help and get support, but maybe your sister best friend's maybe not the person all the time.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's true. Huh.

Well, yeah.

Um, well it sounds like you've got a ton of services that working moms need, maybe desperately, right? So would you mind just really quickly sharing how our listeners can get a hold of you for your services?

Yeah, so I, um, my website is modernwellnesscounseling.com. I'm also on all the platforms. I'm on Instagram and TikTok are the main ones, @modernwellnesscounseling. And then I'm also on Facebook as well and LinkedIn. So I try to share some things on there as well, but Instagram and TikTok are kind of the big ones at the moment.

Good for you for being on the TikTok.

It's very recent, so I'm probably not doing all the trendy things. I don't know.

It's okay. I know I'm not. So, okay, perfect. Well, that's great. So we will share in the show notes the link to your love maps.

Mm-hmm.

As well as your website. Yeah. And your, and your Instagram and all of that stuff. So that way our listeners can kind of click and make it easy to find you. Yeah. And thank you so much for being on.

Yes, absolutely. I'm so excited to be here.

Yes.

This was so infor informational. Um, and I just feel like helpful, you know, these little tips and things that you don't even think about. I especially liked the part about just taking a couple of minutes, you know, at a time to really like connect with your partner.

Yeah.

You know, we're busy around here and I feel like we could use it. So, and then I'll also just quickly thank our listeners for tuning into this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast, and we'll catch you next time. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you loved today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.