#48 Let's Talk Being a Life Coach with Jessica Thomas

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Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We are here with Jessica. Hi! She is a life coach and is brand new to San Antonio, like brand brand new. Welcome!

Thank you so much.

And so we'll just turn it over to her and she can tell us about what she's got going on.

Yeah, absolutely. So I am a life coach and I just moved from Fayetteville, Arkansas. Me and my 10-year-old were led here. We feel like we were led by God. We don't know why yet, but we shall soon find out. So I just specialize in childhood trauma, abuse, foster care, people that have had experience in foster care or juvenile detention and has aged out. Because I sort of had that lifestyle myself, but I was able to overcome it with God's help. And so that's really my mission and my purpose out here is to just try to love on people that are unheard. I was led to write a book. It's called Who Am I in Testimony? It's on Amazon Kindle. It's free if you already have Kindle, but if not, it's only $9.99.

So that's amazing. And a book writer, so cool.

I know, I'm excited. I love, I love, um, what brought you— like, the story she was, she was sharing was just like, she felt calling and, and she came. And I think that's so brave. That is very brave because I might hear the call, I'm like, I'm not ready. I know, I know.

I said, uh, are you sure about that? But you know, nevertheless.

Yeah, it's brave. No, it's definitely, I mean, going from one state to another and starting a business and yeah, it's a lot. So very, very brave.

How long have you been doing the life coaching?

So for about 2 years.

Okay.

And it's one of those things where I was like, you know, I was trying to wait on someone to appoint me. And God was like, "No, you're already equipped with all you need. Just go." Yeah. "Go in faith and I will lead you to the right people and I will lead you to the right place." places. So anybody that's ever worried about, you know, hey, when should I start? How should I start? Don't worry about that. Just take the first step, believe in yourself, God will lead the way.

Jessica, can you explain for those that— I mean, I've heard the term life coach, but like, what is— what does that mean?

Yes, ma'am. So life coach is not exactly a therapist, but more so what I consider to be a friend that may have a little bit more wisdom in areas that you're needing assistance.

Okay.

So like, let's say you call me and you're like, hey, I need to book a session. Um, I've been dealing with different relational issues. I'm having these outbursts. I don't know why. So we'll just basically come up with a plan and a program to talk through the roots of those issues and why you're having these outbursts and how we can sort of reroute the thinking around it.

Okay.

'Cause a lot of times, like I always tell people, when you, people are leery about going to therapy because a lot of therapists haven't really walked in the shoes that they may have. So for me, I feel like due to just different things that I've experienced, I can relate to pretty much all people.

Got it.

If that makes sense. Versus just reading a book.

Kind of like a mentor. Yeah. Someone that you feel has done the things that you want to do or gone through the stuff that you can do and help guide you.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, we talk about that in work all the time. You and I talk about that.

Yeah, definitely.

You know, sometimes it's hard to maybe take advice or, I mean, work-wise, from somebody that's been doing it less time than you, you know, and that kind of thing. And so, or maybe hasn't been doing it at all. And so, I guess the same probably applies for life advice, you know?

I agree. I mean, I, well, I always say, I don't want to ask people for advice about money when they're broke.

Right.

Exactly.

It's kind of like, you don't know how to make money, how you can teach? I mean, you don't have it. Why would you, how you can teach me how to have it. Yeah, so I wanted someone who's been successful or whatever the case is. So someone, if I'm coming out of foster care or something like that, I want someone who's gone through, been in my shoes and can help me. Hey, they're now successful. I want to be them. How do I get there?

Absolutely. And that's like, I'm so happy that you said that. Like you don't want anyone telling you that hasn't, like don't call me and ask me to help life coach million-dollar bank account.

I don't know.

Maybe one day, but not yet. But yeah, definitely I won't be for everybody, and that's perfectly fine. But for those people, foster care, just different things, you know, I didn't have a mom and dad, you know, growing up. So that develops a different type of hardship in people, and they feel so isolated and like nobody can understand, like, I'm out here by myself. And a lot of times is, you know, Satan, he'll isolate those people and try to make them go this whole different route because I was one of those people until you find God or you find Jesus and you're like, okay, I have a purpose. So it's actually a benefit that, you know, I didn't have a mom and dad because my dad can be God and he can direct me in a perfect way, you know, 'cause humans are imperfect.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

No, I think it's great. I think I, um, another way of looking at it, I don't want someone who doesn't have children to give me children, like, advice on my kids.

Oh, but they do.

They do. I'm not saying that other people can't have another perspective on it, but when someone is—

I'm saying that—

gone through it, you're like, you know what, I know it looks like one thing, but you've not done this, right? You've never gone through this. So I, I appreciate your I appreciate your opinion, but until you've walked in my shoes, it's really hard for me to take anybody seriously.

Exactly.

It gets really, really hard. And I think more— I mean, I've known a few young people that have gone through foster care, and they struggle. They struggle as an adult. They can't find their place, lack of a lot of motivation, a lack of— I mean, they don't think they can do more. Even when they're like, hey, you have these opportunities, you have these things. And like, yeah, I can't do that. I'm like, yeah, yes, you can. You can do this.

Yeah, they've got maybe a little bit of a mental block because of the things that they've been through.

Yes, very much so, yes. And I think it can be, I don't know what the word is, but when you transport down, like generational, like you've gone through this, now you see your son, daughter doing the same thing because you don't, because of whatever trauma you've gone through. So having someone like you could help really help them generationally.

Yes, and it is a big, most people don't understand generationally. So again, I'm so happy you said that because You know, in my journey, I found a lot of generational struggles as well. Like my biological mom was a drug addict. She was high when she gave birth to me. You know, she was a prostitute, in and out of prison. So a lot of things tried to catch me. A lot of those things in the beginning, especially 'cause when I was in foster care, I would run away. So I would be in the streets early, and all of this is in my book, and y'all better read it. So those certain types of behaviors, the spirit, like I found myself in those situations and was like, oh, this is the same thing my mom did. And then come to find out after learning her history, her grandma was doing those things. So I think if we can change our perspective on why, instead of saying, oh, we can't do this, we can't do this, there's that blockage, we have to understand the reason why it's so hard is because we're gonna be the ones to break that. That curse.

Yeah.

Or it's going to keep passing on.

Well, yeah, someone has to do it, right, at some point. But I just— having someone that specializes in certain things, I think is great. Because you have— I've heard of life coaches, and they kind of, like you said, do it from the billionaires to the, you know. But what if you've never been through certain circumstances? I think it makes a big difference. And someone to— that you can relate to.

Yes. Yes, ma'am. Absolutely.

So what does it look like when someone first comes to you? What are those conversations like? Or how does someone even know that they need a life coach? You know what I mean?

So I would say that, you know, they keep struggling to pull themself out of a mental hole. And when I say mental hole, that can look like, okay, they're just depressed, you know? They may not want to or have the money to go reach out to a therapist. They may not have the insurance or they just don't feel or whatever. They would submit an email, free consultation, just say, hey, my name is such and such, this is a little bit about me, this is what I truly need help with. Then I would just let them know, hey, I understand, get to know a little bit more about them and be like, how do you feel about this plan going forward based on what I've seen that, you know, I've overcome in this? I don't feel comfortable helping someone with like with something I haven't been through. Like, I'm not gonna do that. Like, just integrity-wise, I feel like that, you know, there may be somebody else out there that can. But if it is something that they're telling me that I know that I fought through and I've suffered for and I've overcome, then I would basically use the tools that I used to help pull myself out. So yeah.

So it's just a different type of counseling in a sense. Yeah, right. Um, I think, but I like the word life coach. Yeah. I like that word.

I love that. Maybe with, maybe with coach, I always feel like there's some, like there's an accountability aspect as well.

Yeah. Okay.

You know what I mean? And so, you know, Jessica might be like, hey, look, these are the things that I've done. I'm gonna want you to try these things and see how it goes. And then maybe at their next session they might say, hey Jessica, yeah, I did try those things. And there's like an accountability aspect.

Whereas where a therapist, they just, they listen.

It's a lot of listening, I think. I mean, I think every therapist is probably different.

Yeah.

But when I hear the word coach attached to anything, business coach, life coach, you know, Karina, financial coach.

Yeah.

We've got a gal here that does that. And so I think there's that accountability. You're accountable to at least be sort of trying to do those things, you know, when you speak to that person.

Exactly.

I feel more dedicated to a coach versus like a ownership there, like I'm part of the team in a sense.

And you know, it's interesting enough, you said something that stood out to me. Somebody said, therapists listen. And that was the driving force for me to step into this role because I had been through therapy a lot of my life, but where the disconnect was, they're just listening. They don't really, and I'm like, let me pull what's in here. Out. Let me read my word. Let me watch these personal development videos. Let me find people I want to be like and start listening to how they do it, listening to their mindset. So essentially, a lot of my healing took place with just me, like, because I'm like, they're just— they're not saying anything. Yeah, you get what I'm saying? Like, I love that you're listening to me. It means a lot. I feel heard, but it's not really giving me the push I need.

Yeah, so it probably depends on the person because there are people out there that do just want to be heard.

Yeah.

You know, and so that's, you know, maybe that would be the route to go versus somebody that maybe would like a different route.

I think if I, if I was needed a lot, I want someone who's going to mentor me.

Yeah.

Like they invest in me to do whatever it is, get better at this or whatever the situation is.

Yeah.

Where a therapist, you're just going to seek maybe some healing, but maybe not to— I mean, yes, you're getting better. I'm trying to think of how to put that, but like where, yeah, something's a little bit more than listening in a sense.

They have—

a coach has an investment in you.

Yeah. And honestly, coach, I don't— the reason I guess I'm not gonna say I don't like the word, but I'm geared more toward I want it to be human. I want it to be a friend— like, not friendship, obviously we're going shopping every day, we can. But, you know, I don't want it to be like, oh, Jessica's up here and all that. No, like, I really want this person to know that I genuinely love them and I aim to love them the way that God wants me to love them, and that I'm here in your corner. This isn't about money for me, this isn't about, you know, whatever. It's generally because I want to see people get better and succeed, you know, so.

Yeah, that's a lot.

I mean, when did you write your book? When did that happen?

So over several years, it took me a long time, and I'm a procrastinator, so I ran from it for a long time. Some life circumstances happened, and I think we all get to that place in life where we're like, alright God, I'll do what you want me to do, and you just, you know. So that's where I was at, I said, I'mma write my book. So 2 years after that, I finally finished it and it was released on June 3rd of last year.

Oh wow, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, but it started in 2016 and it took me all that way to finish it. But the thing is with it, it was a healing journey. So that's why I ran from it for so long because I was running from myself and all of these things that I stuffed down and tried to hide and put in Pandora's box, whatever, I had to face that when I was writing. And so that's what took me so long. But once I did finish it, I literally felt like this physical release. Like I could feel like something pulling out of my chest. It was so strange. It was so weird. But I felt better.

Yeah, they say, I mean, they say that about writing stuff down, right? You know, when you when you put something down on paper, or like even people that maybe they're mad at somebody, right? And they— people will tell you like, write a letter to them, but like don't send it, you know? Yeah, yeah, that's gonna make it worse.

But yeah, it's a release of some sort, so I can get that. And it's something— a goal met, I mean, something you had been on your heart for a long time and you got it done. And it's, it's— I don't know, it's a burden that's been released a little bit.

It was, you know, definitely, because I feel like I couldn't escape it.

Can you tell us a little bit about the book? Like, um, was it— is it your journey, or like—

yes. So it's a spiritual inspiration slash autobiography. It is about my childhood. Um, I started off in Southern Arkansas. My grandparents raised me. Um, my mom was in prison at the time. My mom came back out of prison. It goes over my experience of living in the home with her and a man that she had just met when she got out. Then going from there to an adoptive mom, dealing with that, dealing with behavioral issues from dealing with my mom. I don't want to spoil it, but going from that into the foster care system. Foster care system to running away, dealing with a lot of older men targeting me really young or whatever. And then it just goes into how I went from that lifestyle to recognizing that despite all of the consistent trauma and abuse, I was called by God and how I used that to turn that into purpose. So.

It takes a lot for someone to hear a calling. It really does, no matter what it is. That's incredible, 'cause sometimes a lot of people ignore it. Like you hear, like you have a, a purpose and you ignore it and you do your own thing. So to actually follow up and go through with it, I think it's really, really amazing.

Thank you. Yeah.

Well, we talked a little bit, um, before we came in here about how you have a child, a daughter.

Yes.

And so I have daughters as well. Um, and so I'm kind of curious, how do you feel like the things that you've been through, how has that impacted how you parent your child?

Oh Lord, so in a major way. And the reason I say it is because I want to always let— I always give her words of affirmation and I let her know like, you are beautiful, you are smart, and you are capable of all these things. I've taught her about God at an early age. She has her own personal relationship, not just by my influence. And so what I love about it is that what I wish I had have had was an adult that had knowledge about the spirit world and all those things to tell me so that way I wouldn't have been confused. Why did I have certain dreams? Why did I have certain gifts? Why did I go through these things and I didn't know it was really God at that time? So she knows that though. At 10 years old, she can sit up here and probably preach y'all a whole sermon just from her spirit. Like, she's very gifted. So that, that, that was my main priority with having a child. I want them to really know who God is, not just going off of church, not what someone's told them, but I want you to have a real relationship with him and not be confused in any way.

So, yeah, that makes sense, you know, especially with the things that you've gone through. Yeah. It sounds like you're trying to take those steps to make sure that that generational stuff that we were talking about before does not take place.

Doesn't get passed on.

Yeah. Yeah.

We actually read a book. We had a great conversation in our book club about passing on trauma from our parents into how we raise our children. Sometimes we, we catch ourselves like, oh my God, my mom used to do that, or, oh my God, I'm doing that, I need to watch myself. You know, I, I was always fearful. So I'm— I'm— we're led by faith in my family, so my boys are in a private Catholic school, and I, I was really weary about it. I didn't want to press a faith on them. I wanted them to find it. And— but I wanted to give them the environment that it was possible for them. And it was something that I'm very grateful for. They're young men of God that I'm really, really proud of. And I actually learn from them sometimes a lot of things. But it's also— I didn't— growing up, my mom took God as a magic pill or sprinkle dust. And like, it doesn't work that way. You got to do your job. He ain't going to put— things out there for you unless you do the work.

Exactly.

Like, you have to do it. It's not a magic pill that you just go to church and everything's great. No, it doesn't work that way. You've got to put the effort in. You have to do the work. So it was something that I, I felt as a mom, that's the way I wanted to raise my, my children. So I'm a boy mom, don't have girls, but a boy mom. I really wanted to make sure they at least had that foundation, and at that point they can choose.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I agree. And, you know, and that's, that's the only thing is I've had a lot of church hurt, and I've been misunderstood. I mean, I'm a woman with all these tattoos, and I'm talking about the Lord and how I hear from him. I know that can take people off guard, but that's similar to Jesus' story. A lot of the Pharisees, the religious people, they weren't, they didn't really acknowledge him to be qualified because he didn't come in the package they expected. And so I found that I related to Jesus a lot. Just the suffering, not him. I can never be as great as him, but the suffering that I endured, that's what I think. Taking my story and my— when I'm— when God was chasing after me, because I wasn't focused on God like in the beginning of all of my story. I just want to make it clear, I never was really focused on, on God. I was focused on me and what I wanted and being famous and being successful. But God chased me down like he would not stop. Like, no matter what, no matter if I didn't want to hear it, nothing, he would always send somebody to come and say something to me and be like, hey, listen. Matter of fact, that's in my book too, and I'll go ahead and say a part of it.

Share a little insight.

Yeah, so I was in a behavioral health facility. I've stayed in a lot of those, um, And a lot of times it wasn't necessarily because I had to be in it, but my DHS worker could never find the one that was willing to take me because my past, like runaway history. So the only open beds would be behavioral facilities. So I'll never forget, I think I was about 15 years old and there was this man, his name was Mark Adams. He was from Arkadelphia, Arkansas. He said, hey, come over here, I gotta tell you something real quick. So I walked over there, I'm like, What's going on? And he said, well, don't tell nobody I said this because, you know, you can't really talk about religion in these kind of places. And he was like, but God told me to tell you that you're going to help a lot of people one day. And I'm like, I don't care.

Like, you know, I'm 15.

Exactly. I don't care. Like, okay, and like, that's how you want it. But then little did I know that would have been such a spiritual milestone for me. I'll remember that till the day I die because that was one of the the main times God called me through this person. He was like, I'm letting you know, you have plans to go be this big rapper, 'cause girl, I could rap.

Oh my gosh, I love it.

I know, it was a good look. I was about to be, you know. And then he was like, uh-uh-uh, hold up. You know, so, and that's how it happens, man. That's just how God will chase you down.

He does.

So when you started going through, and I guess recognizing that you were going through this spiritual journey that you were on, then you looked back on that time and you were like, oh wow, you know, that was really maybe kind of the start of it, but you just didn't realize it.

Yeah, didn't realize it. And you're not always going to. And I guess that's the beauty of the mysteries and wonders of it, is that you can look back later on and when you're analyzing everything, you'd be like, oh, he did have it figured out. You know what I'm saying? He did have a plan. Because that's always been my problem. Like, with God is, I'm so ambitious and driven and I don't want any help from anybody. And so I use that independence in our relationship. And sometimes he's like, "Jessica, I know a little bit better than you do, okay?

You're smart, but you know, so—" I think that's a lot of us women. We like to take control and, you know, our own path. And sometimes we sit back and let things the way they're supposed to happen. It helps out.

But who has time for that, Marie? I know, right?

Sometimes it's a long time to wait. Yeah. My patience level is none.

For the right path to show up.

I'm telling you, boy. That's great. So you're obviously faith-based.

Do you take on clients that are not religious?

Absolutely. You do? Because I don't consider myself religious, because that word is thrown around a lot. Yeah. I am not religious. I have a relationship. So, and the reason I say that, again, I'll repeat this, Jesus was not religious. He loved everybody. I don't care if it was a Satanist right here, I will still give them a hug and tell them they're beautiful and I love them and that they are loved by God, whether they want to hear it or not. Because it's not my job to convert people. My job is strictly to love people. That's it. So that's— God will do whatever he wants to do.

Well, and I guess sometimes if you're a foster— for the foster children are always in my head, but when I— and I worked with some for a long time, and they come, they've never— they don't know God. They don't— they don't know anything. Yeah. So I'm just— just being present whether you even mention his name or not, it's just, it's bringing your faith there. Yeah. Like, I don't know, like it's because they wouldn't— a lot of people, you start off the path, they won't, they won't know. Yeah. So I mean, oh wow. I just— it's incredible.

Thank you. Yeah. That's our job though. Yeah. Like, that's, that's my job. I've recognized that as my job is that for those kids that never knew, somebody has to get them. Someone does, yeah. Somebody has to do it because at the end of the day, you know, we all are going to come to that time where we have to be like, well, what did you do? Yeah. You know, and I just am so scared. I don't want the part for me. You know?

Just to be someone's light, right? Just to be there and be a positive influence on them. Yes, ma'am. Whether faith even comes up, you're just there, someone who cares for them. Someone who loves you, someone who's there to support you, that you're not alone in this world. I think that's the biggest thing that you can share with anybody. You're not alone. Absolutely. You know, there's someone there, there's someone here that loves you and that's going to be there for you.

Yes. And I don't want anybody to also think, oh, that's all we're going to talk about. No, we're not all going to just always talk about God. That's just the core of who I am. Yeah. So I don't want anybody to feel like, oh, if I sign up for this, it's just going to be church service. And now if the Holy Spirit tell me to speak, I'mma speak. But you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? But that's not my primary goal is to get you in life coaching and sessions and try to preach to you. No, I'm just going to ultimately, like I said, be a friend with a little bit more wisdom in the areas that you may not be a little bit wise in at that time. So that sounds good.

It does. I mean, you had said you have a service heart. Like you want to be, you want to give, and that's a great way to give back. Yeah. Did someone help you in that? No, no, you didn't have that?

No, to this day, no. And that is what created this, and I recognize that as why I went through it. And it's so hard, it's so hard because it really takes a different shift in perspective because my whole life, you know, I just had, oh, woe is me, oh, woe is me. Why? Why nobody cares about me? Why does nobody love me? What are the— and it's like, have you even thought, like, literally you are going through this not from God, but it's used for good. You're going through this for the people you got to reach. Because how can I sit up and help or love people in this capacity emotionally if I don't know what it's like to not have been without. You get what I'm saying? Yes. I'll love you deeper because I know what it's like to not feel loved. And I know how to speak to all that, 'cause ultimately we're all a mirror of each other. It's like I'm speaking to me. So when I'm telling you you're beautiful, you're good, you're worthy, I'm speaking to that little girl in me also. You know what I'm saying? So it's authentic and it's coming from a real place. It's interesting.

I feel like whether you're talking about faith or anything else, the things that we've all been through have kind of gotten us where we're at, right? And so you use those things and you draw on those things really for your whole life. Yeah. And so if you can learn from those things and do something to help people or whatever, I mean, I just think that's That's the best. Yes.

I mean, it gives life purpose, right? Yeah. To help others. Um, yeah, I think, I, I think, and like you said, in general, like whatever you've gone through, if you're able to take whatever you can out and make it a positive thing and share it with others and help those people grow, then it— yeah, you've done your job. I love it. Yeah. Well, I feel like this is a deeper conversation than we typically do on the podcast, but this has been so I don't know, just interesting.

It's always so interesting for me to learn all about the different things that the amazing women in this city do, you know, and how they help people.

The thing that we have, we have our neighbors are coming and it gives you an opportunity to know new people, right? I'm so glad you found us. Yes, I'm glad you guys found me. Somehow Instagram. Yeah, Instagram. Instagram. Love the Instagrams.

Well, at the end we usually just have our guest kind of say how they can be reached for their services. So do you want to share with the listeners how they can get ahold of you?

Absolutely. So via email is perfect. It's going to be jessicaannthomas2013@gmail.com. If you do want to follow me on Instagram and reach out that way, it's totally fine. That's going to be Y-E-L-L-A-P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S-O-7. Yeah, it's a little ghetto. Don't judge me, baby. But you know, so yes, so that's, that's how you can reach me.

That's perfect. Well, and all the information will be shared in our, our show notes, right? Yes. Yeah, that's right.

We'll put that in the show notes. Well, thank you, Jessica, so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor.

And I love what you guys are doing. Keep doing it.

I think it's going to blow up. Oh, thank you.

We appreciate it. And then I'll also say thank you to our listeners for tuning into this week's episode, and we'll catch you next week.

See you guys next week.

Bye!

Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you loved today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.